A staunch agnostic, 14+ years sober, well and truly recovered (I hope!), I still cringe a bit when reading or hearing what I perceive of as fawning, almost drooling, holy roller exclamations of love for and fealty toward GOD.
But some of the things I've taken on in the recovery process are (I hope!) open mindedness and tolerance toward religion and religious people. I think that has real value. "Be quick to see where religious people are right." - page 87.
I also find that at the very least, a conception of god is an invaluable tool in recovery and in day to day life.
One little tip I've shared that some have found useful: I've never needed to pin down any precise or definite conception of a god or gods in order to make progress in recovery; simply acknowledging that I am not God, and that some sort of higher power could help with recovery seems to have done the trick. (And my conceptions in this matter vary, mutate, and perhaps evolve continuously.)
https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Without-God-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B07MBVCS29 - looks like it could be an interesting book, I'll put it on my list - thanks!
My sponsor and I read books to each other most weeks during our weekly meeting, and so far it's mostly been general service approved, but we're running low on that, so we're kind of thinking one of Sandy Beach's books next, or perhaps the dreaded service manual (lol - I just remember checking it out once in early recovery, my then sponsor and I agreeing "Way, way boring!")
There is also a list of potentially helpful books here: https://aaagnostica.org/literature-3/
Thanks for sharing. Sorry if I pontificated too much above :)
I sincerely have to tell you that you have all my respect for being so honest about yourself.
Finding a single answer that can give you a solution isn't easy.
This awareness and the desire to change it is already a starting point.
This book can give you some good insight:
Healing the Shame That Binds You-John Bradshaw
https://www.amazon.it/dp/B016P6GC9A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?\_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Look at the review; if you resonate with it, I can send you the PDF.
I'm an agnostic and got sober with AA. Still in AA 4 years later and find it beneficial. I think the most important thing for me was finding my AA "crowd" and a sponsor I could connect with. I also relied on a therapist.
Some meetings I've been to are better than others in different ways, esp WRT how hardcore religiosity can be.
One book I have found helpful in AA is ("Staying Sober Without God: The Practical 12 Steps to Long-Term Recovery from Alcoholism and Addictions)[https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Without-God-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B07MBVCS29].
I also enjoy Russell Brand's Books, but they're not for everyone.
If you are doing Dry January or wondering about your drinking, My book I'm Never Drinking Again is on a $0.99 deal for a couple of days and the paperback is also on a deal at $5.99.
Almost 7 years ago I quit drinking. Though I only planned to take a break I did a lot of thinking and decided that alcohol was no longer an asset in my life.
I wrote the book to help people like me who don't necessarily identify with AA or alcoholism but find their drinking is becoming a problem. https://www.amazon.com/Im-Never-Drinking-Again-Maybe-ebook/dp/B07KFPD3QG/
I too have struggled with the god concept but have finally through reading a lot of literature have found something that works for me. Read Staying Sober Without God by Jefferey Munn it gave me a new perspective https://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Without-God-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B07MBVCS29
Hello,
/u/Phyrrhonix Rather than advice or a personal story, I have a question for you: "What do you want to do?" "What is your personal answer or solution to this problem?"
You went on meds for a reason and you'll get off them when you're ready. The point is that you always have had the agency, you're choosing to take them is just that a choice. Now what choice do you want to make regarding your inability to daydream? It's okay to be lost. The point is that you have the answers within you and all we ever need at most is a supportive environment/people/community that enables and empowers us to make (and discover) the positive choices we have inside.
There's this psychology book I'm still reading through that you might find helpful. I'm familiar with the author's other works and very familiar with the topic so I feel confident recommending it to you. It's called The Child Within by Charles Whitfield
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Child-Within-Discovery-Dysfunctional-ebook/dp/B004FN1S7W
Perhaps doing some "psychological" or "inner child" work might help you unlock your creativity again.
As far as personal stories go, this might sound cheesy to some but I'm only speaking from real-lived experience here. I've found the more I've been able to love myself -- and by love myself I mean develop a physical feeling of love and appreciation and esteem for myself -- the better my life has improved (and with that the ability to write and imagine). I don't mean love as a concept or a definition of love. I mean a physical feeling of admiration and affection floating around in my body. It's taken a lot of work but I believe you and anyone else can achieve it too if it's something you find yourself without in the moment.
Stay strong and keep writing.
- FP
I know the agony. My heart goes out to you.
Great resource. Food for thought.
Sorry for your loss. When you're in a deep level of pain, as you are now, it's normal to reach for the addiction that you trained yourself to go to any time you felt pain. Like you indicated, you trained yourself to do that for years. Try not to get to wrapped up in shame. I know that's easier said than done, but you're here, seeking help, trying to get back on track. There's no shame in that.
As others have said, it's probably time to see a therapist. Most of all you need a place where you can talk without judgement, a place to get it all out there. You're dealing with two things at once that both will take time to get through.
There's no quick fix for this, but if you put in the time, you'll get where you need to go. She's rooting for you. We're rooting for you.
And if you find yourself especially struggling with the shame side of this, I would suggest this book: Healing the shame that binds you
If you are considering Dry January my book: I'm Never Drinking Again, can help and is on a Kindle countdown deal for $0.99.
I wrote it after I quit drinking almost 6 years ago. I realized that alcohol was no longer an asset to my life but didn't relate to the idea that I had a disease or needed a program. It takes a non-judgmental approach and has lots of ideas and resources.
Not meant as medical advice or treatment, heavy drinkers should seek medical advice before quitting.
The print version is also on a deal for $5.99 and audiobook will be $0.99 on Apple Books/Chirp from 1 January 2021.
Are you tired of being hungover? I have a promotion running for my book I'm Never Drinking Again: Maybe it's time to think about your drinking? It is on an Amazon countdown deal for 99 cents/pence for next 6 days. The book is for anyone who is concerned that they drink too much or too often but doesn't want to go the AA route.
The book is not anti AA, it is showing that it is not the only way. We are all on a different path and some of us need other methods. I quit drinking four years ago. Drinking was a huge part of my life for decades. I still can't believe I did it. The book gives ideas that I found helpful as well as resources along with stories of my drinking history and hangover misery. The deal is UK and US Link to US deal
Link to UK book deal Have a great weekend and thanks in advance to anyone who buys, I hope you find it helpful.
"Down the Rabbit Hole; A Memoir of Abuse, Addiction & Recovery" by Kate Russell
My self help book I’m Never Drinking Again is Free today and until 26 August. If you have ever wondered if you drink too much or too often and aren’t ready for a program this is for you. Lots of tips and ideas on how to get through cutting down and quitting. If you find it helpful please consider doing a brief review thanks. Get book here.
Assuming there aren't abuse/neglect issues with either you or your daughter, and as long as there is some sort of love and respect between you and your parents, you should be able to create some sort of situation that is win-win for everyone. It may not involve MD school, but it could be a fulfilling, rewarding career.
If there is something you can do to open more doors to your parents, then try to do so. It is hard to know based on your post if your problems are the result of your immaturity (and I mean this in a neutral way- I was a small disaster of bad choices in my early 20s) or if you have been the recipient of some bad treatment by others and some controlling/manipulation by your parents.
Take one day at a time. Spend more time with your daughter any way you can get it and make all interactions as positive as possible. Here is a book you might find useful, esp if you had some issues in your childhood. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BS03FJY/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1