I've read and studied under Lisa Diamond. The research they're referring to is likely the Sexual Fluidity of Women. Basically the study shows that women can form emotional and sexual relationships across the gender spectrum throughout their lives. However, it also shows that during those times they express specific identities, or often shed all identities. So, it's not that you could take a lesbian and turn her straight, that is unless you were going for the long troll and waited 50 years and maybe she might have a shift in sexual orientation.
This isn't the first time that this study has been misrepresented. The AFA really likes to tout this study as some proof that you choose to be gay. The difference between the AFA and Paul Clement is that Paul Clement is educated enough to actually understand the study.
Massimo Pigliucci has written a couple of books.
A Handbook for New Stoics: How to thrive in a world out of control 52 week-by-week lessons.
I purchased the last book. Each week encourages doing an exercise to be a Stoic.
Good luck.
As a very old guy that has been in PUA for 10+ years I would like to add my 2 cents.
This article is complete garbage. I am very confident that the author did not even read single book or scientific study about self esteem.
If you need to work on your self esteem, I strongly suggest you to read "6 Pillars Of Self Esteem" by Natheniel Brandan : https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397
I sympathize with you. A great book that I read around 24-25 that really change my perspective is The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. I showed it to two of my friends and they loved it and one of them read it twice in a year. It gave me a great perspective. You still have neuroplasticity in your 20s and can cement good habits now that will last. Whereas it’s much more difficult for your brain to alter its habits and patterns later in life. Here’s the Amazon link, I highly recommend: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754
It’s also relatively short. I also recommend crime and punishment like someone else in this thread but that is a beast of a book. The Defining Decade is like 200 pages and easy reading.
This book really helped me when I came out at age 23: Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0674032268/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_862cEbF3T2ZBC
Saved me from going to therapy ��
I found a book called The Defining Decade to be hugely motivating, practical, and life affirming when I read it in my senior year in college. I hope it inspires you the way it inspired me :)
​
https://www.amazon.ca/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754
Got a book recommendation for you: https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754 from your post it sounds like this might help you clarify your thinking. I hope you find a path you’re happy with.
Gonna go ahead and plug a book, The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. It's filled with case studies of people in their mid-twenties figuring out their careers, romantic lives, and mental well-being. I'm 25 and often panic about career direction and purpose. I feel this book gives a very informed look on how the sky isn't truly falling. It's a quick 200 pages and I walked away feeling a whole lot more confident about my position.
No. You were not lying to yourself, although you likely had preconceived notions of what being a lesbian was, based on CompHet. Read Sexual Fluidity by Lisa Diamond: https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Fluidity-Understanding-Womens-Desire/dp/0674032268
Dr. David Sinclair advocates in his book (no affiliate) for NMN as an NAD booster.
My own experience (31F) is that niacin makes me flush and feel uncomfortable, and that's a common complaint. That said, niacin much, much cheaper than NMN, which is why I think a lot of people cross their fingers that it's a good alternative.
Take note that taking large doses of sustained-release niacin over a long period of time can cause liver damage.
All that said, my non-medical advice is that if niacin is making your quality of life worse, you might want to try an alternative.
This one my Massimo Piggliucci did make things turn around for me, by not changing things that gave me a hard-time, but, by liberating myself out of all that shackled me. I wish you the best to be out of your ordeal, soon!
I dunno about this. I feel like having a sense of purpose is pretty fundamental to mental health otherwise why even be alive? Purpose doesn’t have be some huge thing that’s going to rock the world and change the fundamentals of society. Purpose can be “I need to tend my garden” or “I need to provide for my kid” or “I need to write that report today” or “I’d like to visit my neighbor and have a coffee and chat today” or “I need to figure a solution to xyz problem”. I recommend reading the book Ikigai by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles for some of the science and research behind this - it’s also focused on Japanese communities - specifically the Okinawans who also live extraordinarily long lives compared to the rest of the world.
I think a lot of modern stoics are atheists. Massimo Pigliucci certainly is. Check out his book How to Be a Stoic: https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/1541644530/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=massimo+pigliucci&qid=1613362927&sprefix=massimo+pig&sr=8-5
Couldn't figure out why your mom made you feel so awful: MY GOD DONT I KNOW THIS FEELING. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0765703319/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_7L1aGbMTC2S80 Is this the book you mentioned above? Kinda pricey as paperback but I'd love to read it. Maybe the library has it.
Musings of an Aspie is a good blog and the author, Cynthia Kim, has written a book about the diagnostic process: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Might-Autistic-Diagnosis-Self-Discovery-ebook/dp/B00DAHF48I
I linked to the UK Amazon because the look inside preview has more pages. I haven't read the whole thing but in the preview it looks like she does a good job of demystifying the diagnostic criteria.
In terms of female presentation, I relate more to what Cynthia Kim says than Tania Marshall.
A bit late, but I think Musings of an Aspie is a great blog for those who are seeking to relate the DSM criteria to real life. I also looked at the preview on Amazon of her book 'I think I might be autistic' which goes into the same thing - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Might-Autistic-Diagnosis-Self-Discovery-ebook/dp/B00DAHF48I I haven't read the whole thing but even the preview was helpful. She is a late-diagnosed woman and has really explored the diagnostic criteria and her own experiences of going through diagnosis.
Good luck with your efforts to explore this. I hope that it helps you to unravel things and come to a better place.
I recommend the book "I think I Might Be Autistic" as it gives a lot of examples for each of the criteria and helped me start to figure out what counts under what. Playing with your hair is definitely a form of stimming and counts under repetitive behavior.
There are detailed answers on this but, fundamentally, our brains are quite different structurally and hormonally, it impacts how we see the world and these differences are then exacerbated culturally (similar to how we all inherently have cravings for like, fast food, for biological reasons that are no longer applicable like food scarcity, but those ancient cravings will be honed in on and triggered, which has created a very successful industry).
For a variety of reasons- many of them biological- men were initially able to take a position of social dominance, and that certainly hasn’t helped relations/mutual understanding, due to the end result of exploitation of the non-dominant class.
If you really want to dive into the brain science underpinnings of fundamental differences, I highly recommend The Male Brain and The Female Brain both by neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine. They are pretty easy reads with concrete examples.
Please check out "Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death"by a psychiatrist who specializes in thanatology (study of death). Or do what I do and shove this terror way down deep and promise to analyze it and cope with it another day. :)
I'm sure there are different approaches to this. You could for example lend tools from other systems to identify your values - like "the laddering technique".
If you want something related to Objectivism, I can recommend Objectivist Psychology, specifically Nathaniel Branden's work on self-esteem. See his Six Pillars of Self-esteem
You deserve to be valued and appreciated, I've made a link to a book I think would help you develop the self esteem to thrive and find a great partner in life.
I think putting her in therapy would help a lot - once a week talk therapy
Also, buy her the book https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter/dp/0446561754
There's a book called I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults by Cynthia Kim. Would that help you out a bit?
I've upvoted nearly all the comments, because everyone is correct. You did not receive professional advice or assessment, and what you were told is wholly inaccurate.
To further your self-exploration, I highly recommend Cynthia Kim's book, I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults
I've linked the Kindle version, which is only $5 USD. I recommend this book because it guides you through the DSM-V criteria for ASD diagnosis and gives lots of real-life examples of how people--but especially high-masking women--may have fulfilled the criteria. It helps you think outside the standard, sometimes stereotypical responses or criteria, and it may help you learn that certain thought patterns, silent/internalized behaviors (e.g. echolalia but only inside your mind; motions that have been minimized to be unnoticeable to othere are still stims) may be manifestations of autism, especially in the aggregate.
If you are in a country not following the DSM-V for diagnosis, I still highly recommend the book. It really helps provide insight into hidden/quieted/masked/internalized behaviors and traits (i.e. what is often associated with a "feminine presentation"), AND it connects them with the major diagnostic criteria. That connection is what should speak to a competent psychologist or psychiatrist.
No personal advice to give here but have you checked out The Defining Decade? I’ve just started it today, could be useful. I think there’s also a TEDtalk as well.
life update time:
finally getting bigger paychecks at my new job, looks like i'll be able to support my new family once my son is born in a few months.
going to focus on saving up money for a nice ring to propose to my girlfriend of 3+ years, she really likes rings made by this company and I think they look absolutely amazing; prob gonna get her a nice colored sapphire since she doesn't want a diamond.
today marks 24 days clean and sober. got a new AA sponsor after relapsing that will call me on my bullshit more and is more rigid about recovery. he's a cool army veteran so he's got no problem telling me i'm thinking wrong, which is what I need right now.
I also gotta get back out there with my dslr, it's been way too long since I've adventured out somewhere to take photos. ever since I began my relapse I've stopped doing things I truly enjoy which absolutely blows. I'm also trying to read more books, right now I'm reading <u>Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life</u> and loving it so far.
Hopefully someone has a fantastic response for you, because I sure don’t. And I myself need some guidance in this matter as I am 34 and I feel the exact same way about things. Western capitalist society feels like a trap. It’s like, choice?….what choice? I don’t choose to be a wage slave for another 33 years. No one chooses that, I am forced into it. Because dying on the streets is certainly no choice. Living this rat race of constantly not being good enough for people, for employers is certainly not my idea of a good time. I want to just live in peace and pursue what I want without the fear of starving, being homeless, dying of some preventable disease, being robbed or taken advantage of. The world is a hostile place, and I’m constantly looking for an escape route. It’s no wonder people turn to drugs or why people are depressed with anxiety. But I came from a poor family. In fact half my family is living with me now because they have no place else to go. If you’re family is financially well off, you need to take advantage of that. Life is inherently meaningless. We need to assign meaning to it ourselves. We can decide to be kind, loving, generous and useful or malevolent, selfish and destructive. I think you should look into the Japanese concept of Ikigai. I need to look into it more myself, but it’s basically something that gives a person a sense of purpose, a reason for living. Here’s a book that I just ordered, Ikigai
Communication is an essential part of most jobs, so you can't just fill that gap in with technical skills.
These books are powerful tools for overcoming social anxiety:
https://smile.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive-Leading/dp/0553374397
https://smile.amazon.com/How-win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/8189297813
some links read the book : https://www.amazon.com/Lifespan-Why-Age_and-Dont-Have/dp/1501191977/ Its a book by Prof David Sinclair at Harvard University.