The best Alcoholism Recovery books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Remember the greatest gift you can give her is the boundaries and space to discover that she is enough on her own.

Codependent No More . This book changed my life and my approach to relationships.

Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you say you want to be a non drinker means you're definitely in the right mindset. I think it's a known fact it can sometimes take a few attempts for folks to get going on their journey. Have you tried reading any books on the subject? I highly recommend This Naked Mind and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. Good luck.

She went from devout to athiest in 1 month... but claims you are her God? No, dude, this cannot and will not end well for you. Submitting in a BDSM context is a bit different than calling you her God... BDSM should be built on trust, communication and an understanding of expectations. Codependency is a terrible thing, easily confused in the space as that trust, but its terrible.
Might seem odd, but read this book to learn more. It's a classic text about what codependency is: https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

Reminds me of a book I’m reading called Codependent No More

Glad you’re focusing on self-care and what’s right for you!

If he had depression and rejects any type of way of addressing or handling it, then he is choosing this behavior. I'm sorry, maybe that's unkind or not modern thinking, but it's what I believe (and also how my therapist views it vis a vis struggles I have with my own spouse). So, I would then view your job as to determine what your boundaries are in relation to someone who chooses not to participate in your marriage or family life.

It is not at all 100% applicable, but I found the book Codependent No More very helpful for a somewhat similar dynamic. It emphasizes a few things:

1. You cannot control him, only yourself.
2. Bending over backwards to accommodate the behavior by taking on all of the workload, is a way of enabling that harms you.
3. Are there SOME areas you can assert boundaries? For example, are there things that he doesn't reciprocate such that they are essentially extra favors you do him. Doing his laundry, for example, or providing extra things for his convenience. Find ways to reduce your workload and use that extra time and energy to meet your own needs because no one else is going to.
4. Sometimes all you can do to change a dynamic is to change your own actions in that dynamic. As above, you can't make others change. But sometimes when you change your own actions to be healthier, it creates an improvement cycle that results in other changes as well. This has been my experience.

So a lot of the book is about addiction, and that may not apply. But it is a really helpful read. Take what you need from it, what benefits you, and ignore what doesn't apply. I cannot tell you how much this book changed my life (and my marriage) for the better.

If you plan not to touch sugar due to addiction, you might like this book: https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1549636238&sr=1-1&keywords=rational+recovery

It's targeted towards alcoholics, but I have found it amazing to instantaneously flip my mind around food. Saying 'no' becomes easy when you have these strategies in mind. (Sounds weird, but it's very true.)

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Live long and prosper! You do you!!

Fellow teetotaler here. I too get annoyed with the "pipe and ale" trying-to-be-Chesterton Catholics, but I think we can still get this analogy. It's fine.

I do think more Catholics and more Americans in general should probably honestly assess whether they're a little too dependent on this substance, though.

Your dad acted like a jerk and it sounds like he acts like a jerk a lot. I grew up pretty damn conservative and I gotta tell you, I don't think this is because he's conservative. I think he's a jerk.

Not sure if this will apply to you at all or not, but part of disengaging from my conservative family involved learning more about codependency. I discovered that I had spent my whole life trying to make sure that others around me were happy at the expense of my own mental health and well-being. I really recommend Codependent No More by Melody Beattie to learn more about this. It was literally a life-changing book for me, and it might help you build some coping skills to deal with your dad.

Terrific post, hopefully will inspire many to act.

You can pick up a copy of the book for $10.19. Totally worth it.

It's great that you're already thinking about it! Don't beat yourself up - it's really, really hard to do internal/shadow work, and this is a learning experience that will help direct you towards the you that'll know you are enough and don't need to buy anyone gifts or be overly available for them to be interested, because you'll know your company is its own gift. If anything on codependence resonates with you, I highly recommend "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

You wrote that so well, I felt it. Or I felt it because I lived it, too. Different story, of course, but same this:

>for some reason I still want to keep drinking. I NEED to stop but I don’t want to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or how to have a change of attitude.

I am not the voice of experience by any means, but I'm responding because like you, I put the time in on this sub while I was still drinking. I lurked and I read and I wondered what was wrong with me that I didn't want to quit when it seemed like all of these good people did want to bury the alcohol drinking habit.

Then I picked up a book, This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace (if you don't like to read, there is an audio version). I couldn't put the book down. It spoke to me. ME! And there was the impetus for change that I desperately needed. From there, I read one book after another (they call it "quit lit" here) and I learned SO much about the human mind and this freaking alcohol thing that was wrapped around mine.

I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the best. You are already on this journey, so full speed ahead, my friend!

IWNDWYT- 171 Days

I read a post almost 2 weeks ago mentioning The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr - I listened to it (audio book), really absorbed it, and listened to it again. Absolutely helped click things for me, after numerous attempts prior...I'm feeling absolutely grounded at the moment. And I took my last drink on the 4th.

This is the longest I've been without a drink in at least a couple years...tbh, I couldn't tell you when the last time was. Had a few temptations the first 2 days, then the last weekend. But between this community and my spouse having my back, the gremlins have been kept at bay. Keep at it - and when you're ready, IWNDWYT

You are doing the right thing.

"You cannot set yourself on fire to keep another person warm."

...and...

"Put on your own oxygen mask first before helping those next to you."

The hardest fucking thing in the world is letting other people experience their own choices when we've been in a position of protection, guidance, responsibility, or love for them.

It's hard even when the choices they're making are mostly good ones. It's fucking brutal when they're by all appearances trying to destroy themselves. It's maddening. It's crazy making. There is no more helpless and rage-inducing and depressive feeling.

I'm so sorry. I understand analagously by similar relationships in my life, although not exactly of course. Only you know exactly what you're going through.

For what it's worth, something that helped me was studying and learning about codependence. The codependence of watching a person who was addicted to abusive relationships, and my codependent traits in feeling the pain, guilt, and anger of wanting to help them and being unable to.

Melody Beattie wrote the classic book on it, but there are a lot of others.

Head down to the library or get happy on Amazon and start doing some reading. Therapy also helps. Disentangling ourselves from family of origin issues with love, responsibility, and grace is a lifelong process. I wish you all the best. You're already part way there by doing the right thing with your sister, even though it feels so bad.

Do you feel conflicted emotions -- loving him and resenting him at the same time, for example? Feeling hopeless, then hopeful from one moment to the next? Blaming him, but then blaming yourself?

I've experienced these back-and-forth whiplash emotions, but what's worse is the overall feeling of being trapped, like "This is my life now."

I hope you'll attend Al-Anon meetings virtually or face-to-face. Lots of healthy support in this community, because we aren't about bashing our Q (our alcoholic "qualifier"), but we're all about learning how to be self-sufficient and to care for ourselves because our Q can't care for us in a healthy manner.

It helped me to read, Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Highly recommended!

My thoughts are with you, please take care of yourself.

Agreed! I also highly recommend Codependent No More!

Pretty fucking chipper actually! I've been off the beer for a few weeks now and feel like I'm un-burying my head from the sand.

If you're thinking of cutting back or whatever, I highly recommend reading this book: This Naked Mind (amazon) Or here (Google play store)

Our society revolves around drinking (just look at the rest of this thread), and this book has really helped me take a step back and get a good overview of it all. Even if you don't drink, it's still an interesting read.

>Addiction has absolutely nothing to do with you, me or anyone. It’s all within themselves. There’s no schedule or time clock that you can enforce. And if you try, trust me... it backfires because we have zero control over someone else’s life. Breaking addiction takes a lot more than love, new routines or willpower.

So true! We can't control, change, or cure someone's addiction. We can only take care of ourselves and make healthy choices -- usually that means distancing ourselves from the alcoholic, even if you can only emotionally detach because it's impossible to physically leave because of economic concerns. Detaching doesn't mean you stop loving him; it just means you stop doing his worrying for him and start focusing on your own emotional health.

I suggest that you check out Al-Anon meetings and get a sponsor. You'll learn so much about addiction! You'll get your personal power back and you'll never regret it. On the other hand, continuing to stay with him and trying to orchestrate his recovery will rob you of your self-esteem and mental health, because only he has the power to change himself. Being his care-taker and worrying about his condition more than he does puts you in the unhealthy role of being codependent. (Read Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie -- it opened my eyes to what I was ignoring about myself).

I have a book I'd like you to read. It's called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It was suggested to me by my ex's therapist, when I joined him in a therapy session and ended up sobbing. It helped me see things from a different perspective and gave me strength I didn't know I had. The book drastically improved my life and it only took a few days to read. Here it is on Amazon. I was skeptical at first because:

1) I had never read a self-help book before and had honestly zero faith that it would help anything.

and,

2) The cover of the book made me defensive because it says something about controlling others.

But, read it. It all makes sense once you get into it, and I really think your situation will hugely improve if you do.

Here it is on Overdrive, you can see if it is available at your local library or even in e-book form.

Definitely tell the doctor at Web Doctors about other medications you are taking or are thinking about taking.

Follow up appointments are $49. For my second the doctor prescribed 2 months.

Also check out this book. (You can find it on Library Genesis)

Like you my intention is to use TSM to quit drinking altogether.

Read "Co-Dependent no more"by Melody Beattie while you look for a therapist. I suggest being nice to yourself. Sign up for a yoga class or a gym membership, go to the nail salon, visit your local library. Do the things you didn't have time to do before when you were wasting it all running around trying to prop up your sig other. Enjoy your alone time by getting to know you.

Doing these things really helped me. I have learned that I like me. In fact, it's really working out. I think I'm the one I've been looking for.

You can love someone and hate their actions. You don’t have to cut them off completely to gain some relief from the pain they inflict on you. It’s not that black and white. A big problem I’ve struggled with as an ACA is continued loyalty when it’s not deserved. Try to accept that their feelings are not your responsibility, and you don’t owe them loyalty (or a call, or a visit) just for being your parents. Establish and defend your boundaries (I will not talk/respond to my dad if I suspect he’s been drinking, and I don’t tell him when I visit my sister in my hometown bc I know he’ll expect a visit too). Create emotional space for yourself (wait overnight to respond, limit visiting and call time, etc) especially if communicating with them brings you more stress than joy.

And work with a therapist to process your memories and feelings in a healthy way. Mine told me my feelings of guilt and obligation are super common in ACA. I’m working on detaching from my dad’s alcoholism and learning how to put myself first in my own life/mind, realizing I can’t make him change if he doesn’t want to. This book was insanely helpful for me to understand alcoholism and what we share as ACA’s, and to grasp what to do about it. You’re in the right place, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to solve it overnight. Take your time to figure out what’s best for you.

Get her a copy of the book “This Naked Mind” - audiobook is awesome or physical copy. This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_9076FbM6A82X4

Additionally, introduce her to r/stopdrinking if she is a redditor. Great community!

For you, I would look up codependency and al-anon groups. You can’t control anyone else’s behaviors, not even with love and all the best intentions in the world.

I had these same thoughts at your age. Took me another 20 years to wake up and realize normal people don’t get blackout drunk and piss themselves. I hope you will take this as a learning moment to break free from booze and live a life far better any drink can provide. Two books you should pick up or put on your Christmas list: This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained.

Someone posted about the books This Naked Mind and Alcohol Lied to Me. I decided to get them on audible and listen to them while working. They're both really amazing books and are changing my perspective on alcohol immensely. Actually attempting sobriety myself again. Only 24 hours sober atm though. Mild confusion and anxiety from withdrawals (drinking 12-14 beers a night for 5 years straight will do that to you) but I still don't want a drink. Went a week sober a month ago but caved. That was before listening to these books. You only fail getting sober once you quit trying though

Therapy/rehab works for some, but for most it seems to be a revolving door that ends up in a series of relapses. The traditional detox/rehab/abstinence route has about a 10% success rate 5 years out and is generally quite expensive.

Here's a link to the book on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Cure-Alcoholism-Medically-Eliminate-Addiction/dp/1937856135/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Here's a website that has the content of the book, you can read it online:

https://www.the-sinclair-method.com/the-sinclair-method-guide/

First off, good on you for realizing you have a problem. Second, you have made it here, so welcome!

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I was the same way as you. Drinking everyday, swearing the next morning I wouldn't drink again, hating myself. Then I finished work, and "woo hoo I feel great, beer time!" Repeat.

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One day I just said; "Enough is enough. I can keep on repeating this cycle over and over or I can just stop." I decided I would stop, and that was it. The first week or so I was an emotional mess. The imbalances in my body due to the depressant nature of alcohol did a number on me. I felt like hell. It was rough. Eventually things started to get better. Mornings weren't as foggy, I had more energy, I wasn't on edge like I was while drinking. I started to sleep better, I started to eat better. Everything became better.

I admit, I have a lot of issues that I was masking with alcohol. So when I became sober they all started to hit me head on. I could either face them, or curl up in a ball and go back to drinking. I decided, this is my life. I am going to tackle this problem. I'm 8 months sober, and I am still sorting my issues. I feel I will still be dealing with these issues for the foreseeable future, but they are becoming more manageable as time goes on.

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Stopping was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It's not easy, but if I can do it so can you. Just be strong. Learn that alcohol isn't bringing ANYTHING positive to your life. Think about that.

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I highly recommend you read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Drinking it really helped me to understand what I was dealing with and I wasn't alone.

I'm still working on it, but I'm much better than I used to be. When I find myself getting anxious or falling into unhealthy thought patterns about my friends, I try to keep myself as grounded in reality as possible. I do this by reminding myself, as many times as I need to, that I am feeling anxious and that the thoughts I am having are coming from a place of fear. Fear of abandonment, mostly. When I am able to identify why I'm feeling anxious, and separate that from the person I'm texting with, that helps me stay calm.

Another thing that helps me is to remind myself of this person's past behavior - so in the instance of my friend, she is a slow texter but she always gets back to me, even if it takes a while. When I start feeling those anxiety thoughts creeping into my head, I remind myself that my friend is reliable, she is a safe person, and she has a right to exist without checking her phone every 5 minutes.

Lastly, educating myself on codependent behaviors and the root cause of them has been the biggest help for me overall. Just being more aware of my behaviors and my emotions, instead of just acting out all of the time like I did before, has made me feel more in control of myself and has helped me feel more comfortable in my relationships with other people. And being honest with myself about why I feel the way I do - why I fear abandonment, or disapproval, or feel the need to be a people pleaser - has allowed me to work on my core issues, which in turn has helped reduce my codependent behaviors. I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and had an amazing EUREKA! moment when I recognized myself in nearly every word she wrote https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

I recommend reading Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery. I find this superior to to the hackbook insofar as dealing with the little monster. He teaches the reader about AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) a method to counter the inner voice of the more primitive part of your psyche, the Beast. He emphasizes that our humanity gives us an unparalleled advantage over the Beast, we need to be deprogrammed that our addiction is difficult to cast away. Because of our innate superiority, there is a theme of "The best defense is a good offense." against your addiction. That means boldly stating you will never cave in to the Beast, because this creature as deceptive, clever and slippery as it is, can not force you to do anything. It needs your consent for it to get its fix.

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Recognizing the Beast's voice, posing as your own whenever it surfaces ensures it will never fool you again.

Sobriety has many layers and abstinence is the first one ,then your body/mind has to come back into balance. I think one of the best books on this is by Anne Grace called "This Naked Mind".https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness-ebook/dp/B077VTJC8P#:~:text=This%20Naked%20Mind%20offers%20a,dependence%20in%20all%20of%20us.

OP Initially you can experience what is called Hangxiety is an unofficial name for the anxious feeling you get after drinking. As alcohol wears off, you can become anxious, agitated, panicked, flat, unmotivated and moody. A hangover can cause overactivity of the neurotransmitters that excite the brain and body.

Thank you for your service, i would start here: https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Drinking-Without-Willpower/dp/1784045411

this book definitely helped me get into the right mindset to make my brain want to stop drinking.

Good Luck.