The best Alternative Medicine books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

/u/everythingisforants, PM me if you're in the US and would like me to mail you, from Amazon, a copy of my favorite book about meditation. (Free, no strings attached.) :)

Edit: Wow, I didn't predict this enthusiastic of a response! I didn't list the name of the book because I wanted to offer a gift to someone, not be salesy. :)

The book is "The Mind Illuminated" by Dr. John Yates (Culadasa). There's a whole Reddit dedicated to the book at /r/TheMindIlluminated. Many of his students answer questions in the Reddit and offer assistance. Also check out /r/StreamEntry and /r/Meditation. If you're interesting in learning about the nature of suffering, the causes of suffering, and the way to end suffering, check out /r/Buddhism.

I don't think you need a book to learn how to meditate but getting good instruction is critical. Meditation is like any other skill—playing the piano?—without good instruction you have no guarantee of success. It can be the difference between sitting on the cushion for twenty years and not getting anywhere versus a decent chance of becoming enlightened withinin several years. A good teacher in person is best, but failing that a good book can be of great use... whether this one or several others. "The Progress of Insight" is also worth a read.

Edit part deux: Holy Inbox Batman!

I also just remembered that two of his students are teaching a 6-week video intro course online:

• Dates: January 8th - February 12th
• Time: Sundays 4:30 to 6pm Pacific Time (7:30 to 9pm Eastern)
• Cost: $150 (no one will be turned away due to inability to pay).

PM me if you want more details.

Posted this above, but i do suggest you read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.

Gives some insight into why people are addicted, how the brain works, etc.

I have an anxious attachment style too, and initially I thought it was a bad thing. What I like about this theory is how non-judgmental it all is. Your needs are your needs. I NEED more security and validation from partners, so I NEED to look for someone who is capable of giving me that. Secures can do that, while avoidants cannot.

If this interests you at all, I HIGHLY recommend the book “Attached”

We'd need to provide mental health and addiction support as well.

A lot of homeless people have trauma, addiction, and other mental health issues they need help with.

Read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté for some great insights into how people become street homeless addicts.

I've been reading The Power of Now, which is helping me realize how the present moment is all we have and is the only thing that can give us inner peace. I am still reading it, but the book has certainly helped me better understand this. "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry -- all forms of fear -- are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." (Eckhart, p. 61)

I don't think anyone has the answers you're looking for, predicting future outcomes of political conflicts is hopelessly hard, anyone who claims with any certainty to know how this will end up doesn't know what they're talking about. What I would suggest is to simply not worry about it, these things are virtually completely out of the control of any ordinary person, what is under your control is your life and immediate future, so focus on those. Spending your time worrying about the outcome will not bring you anything, I suggest you read up on Stoicism and (yes) practice meditation (here is a secular meditation book who goes into great details about the experiences you go through in meditation and what you need to do)

Dullness is a recognized stage in mediation practice. If you are struggling with this, I would recommend The Mind Illuminated. It is a comprehensive guide to meditation that details ten stages leading to enlightenment. Dullness can creep in once you've established a regular practice and improved your ability to sustain focused attention. I have not progressed far enough to experience dullness or to learn how dullness is overcome, but it is one of the stages he discusses.

There's 50 days worth of "daily meditations" at this point, each ~10 minutes long, plus 16 extra lessons ranging from 3.5 minutes to 29 minutes. Judging by the previous newsletters, he tends to add somewhere in the range of 1-5 new lessons or daily meditations every week.

A better bang for your buck might be a copy of The Mind Illuminated plus a free app like Insight Timer or similar.

If you're looking for a solid beginning meditation guide, The Mind Illuminated is one of the best.

There's a great book that addresses this. It's called Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love. It strongly urges people to date others who have a similar level of desire for and comfort with closeness, and goes into the biological drivers for why closeness feels so life-and-death important. Failing that, it gives practical tips for how to make your relationship less anxiety-provoking if your partner is avoiding closeness. Per the book, if your partner is prone to avoiding closeness, that tendency isn't likely to change. The communication tips these trolls are sharing here are gold. I'm trying my hand for the first time at a relationship with someone who also enjoys a lot of closeness and it is the bees knees. Near zero relationship anxiety for 4 months.

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=attached&qid=1571751595&sr=8-3

This book helped me build a meditation routine that did all you mentioned and more.

The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501156985/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_4qqMDb71WRQ5Y

The secure/secure attachment pairing is rare. Most of the attachment types can do okay when there is a secure type in the mix. The anxious-preoccupied and avoidant-dismissive and the avoidant-fearful and avoidant-dismissive pairings are fraught with conflict.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love

and Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

might be interesting books to you

A book that really helped me break out of this is Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Stick with it despite initial impressions and it has a very good chance of helping you as well.

And yes, I've been able to quit after heavy heavy use. You can PM me with ANY questions, vent sessions, whatever. Hit me up and I'll respond as soon as I can. (Should be pretty quick, but prob not immediately.)

Two things will greatly help improve your memory:

1. Practicing mindfulness.
2. Practicing mnemonic (memory) visualization techniques.

For the first, I highly recommend the book The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa (and the accompanying subreddit r/TheMindIlluminated). Practicing meditation in this way will develop extremely powerful mindfulness, allowing you to be very aware of what is happening in your experience at any given time. As a side-benefit, you also get enlightened, so that's nifty. :D

For the second, there are dozens of books on memory techniques. My favorite is The Manual. I haven't practiced it much, but to give you an idea, a basic memory trick beginners can learn is to memorize an entire deck of cards in order. These techniques are amazing for studying in school, especially for things like biology or language where there is a ton of memorization involved.

Also if you smoke a lot of marijuana, that will also not do you any favors. Reducing your consumption will help your memory a lot, as one of the effects of pot is loss of short-term memory, and what doesn't enter your short-term memory has no chance of entering your long-term memory.

There are also a number of supplements ("nootropics") that help with memory, the choline family especially (look up CDP Choline and Alpha GPC and experiment for yourself).

The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501156985/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_feRpBbDWAJNBC

Every other book I’ve read on meditation pales in comparison.

Most people are too picky and self absorbed to be in a relationship. Relationships involve a lot of giving and a lot less taking than the rabidly individualist culture we have moved into. I doubt its a vancouver specific thing.

I recommend reading a book called "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love" https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

which explains pretty well why people are often not compatible with eachother and yet constantly seek out these same sorts of incompatible people. Break the cycle!

> and THEN when he starts touching me, it actually feels repulsive.

HUGE. Red. Flag.

These types of issues at only 3 months into the relationship, I'd move on to someone more compatible.

You're not LL, you're just LL for him.

You're not sexually attracted to him, and the Pursuer-Distancer pattern you have going on between you is killing off any remaining desire you have for him.

You're just not compatible sexually.

You both deserve to be with someone who is HL for you.

Edit: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love can help you avoid an anxious-preoccupied partner in the future

This is dubious and was likely concocted by monastic elites to solidify their institutional control of the Buddhist religion.

Indian Vajrayana and Tibetan Buddhism have had many lay masters who broke the ten fetters while living as householders.

OP, The Mind Illuminated is a superb meditation guide that has become very popular. I recommend that you browse the /r/streamentry practice community, where there are many who have attained the first and second stages of awakening in this very life.

Yes. The thing is, it's not real anymore. It hasn't been real since it ended. It only lives now in your head.

Now is the only thing that's real.

I strongly recommend Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now.

I sure do! This book is a great resource and goes into quite a bit of detail about attachment science and how it can affect adult relationships. If I recall correctly, it also includes self-assessments (I read it a few years ago).

On a related note, I wholeheartedly and emphatically cannot recommend this book enough to anyone who is, has been, or might one day like to be in a romantic relationship. John Gottman is a researcher at the University of Washington and basically the Einstein of relationship science. His algorithm can predict whether any given couple will divorce with something like 90% certainty. Don't let the title fool you -- this book dispenses extremely helpful advice for dealing with people in close interpersonal relationships regardless of whether you're married, dating, or just good friends.

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Illuminated-Meditation-Integrating-Mindfulness/dp/1501156985/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=53518632462&dchild=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4cOEBhDMARIsAA3XDRiM9dVfqyR-5zr_GBRzB2uuHeiu0KP4AYcZ95u9Q_K8jqMaWtqppiIaAgg6EALw_wcB&hva...

I experience this as well occasionally, but it's been a side effect of intensive meditation. I'd like to reply later in more detail, but for now you can consider checking out Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha or The Mind Illuminated for a framework on the second-by-second nature of subjective experience, and how meditation can develop and work with it. You can also check out /r/streamentry or /r/TheMindIlluminated.

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

I listened to it as an audiobook first which I actually liked a lot, since my library had the audiobook for free on the phone app. Then I bought it so I could take notes, look at the charts, and take the quizzes in the book. $9 for my used Amazon copy, $13 new

It's not only about the "avoidant" people, also has good segments on people who are more "anxious" about relationships, overthinking things, caught up in small details, wanting constant communication, etc.

"Attached" is great (by Levine and Heller). It's easy to understand and explains things clearly. Really interesting stuff.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_ZT2N77MCS7AVEPG6P69Z?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Read! If you’re not sure who will have good foundational material, I think we can all agree The Governor knows a thing or two. Arnold has a “Bodybuilding Encyclopedia” that is for both beginners and advanced lifters, with a huge range of info that even covers nutrition. It’s massive and inexpensive. It can be bought on Amazon.

I wonder how much of this is NRE and how much might also be an anxious attachment style? Are you familiar with attachment theory in adult relationships? The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment is excellent and speaks to many of these issues.

My recommendation would be to read "The Mind Illuminated" by John Yates / Culadasa which is a book with great reviews pretty much everywhere you look.

It was written by a ex college professor in neuroscience who has also meditated for 40 plus years, and it really breaks meditation into simple to understand steps and stages. It should be pretty much all you need.

Do a search for reviews of it on /r/meditation to see what people think. It also has its own subreddit on /r/TheMindIlluminated/ .

( https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Illuminated-Meditation-Integrating-Mindfulness/dp/1501156985 if you want to find it on Amazon ).

I was about to post the same comment, but instead I'll just post a link to it on Amazon.

> In talking about these things I have made comments that have not pleased her, and she says she feels smothered and controlled.

This, like /u/cobalt_bella said, is text-book avoidant. You are both growing closer and closer but at some point, there comes a time when things become too close and a withdrawal/distancing starts. This commonly plays out with avoidants finding faults in their partner and magnifying them such that they focus on that instead of the good things they like about their partner. These faults are a way to put a damper on their relationship so that feeling of vulnerability and dependence lessens.

Also, five months seems about what I've personally experienced in my struggles with avoidance.

First, read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Specifically, and nearer to the end (I think), they talk about a rollercoaster, where some days you have affection and closeness and then the partner backs off, and you find yourself looking at the relationship positively, but you're only looking at the "highs" and ignoring the "lows". You don't want that, and you're probably not as happy in this relationship, on average, as you think you are.

Second, I think you guys should put this engagement on hold. She feels pressured. A looming wedding when the relationship isn't going well is a self fulfilling prophecy if your issue is pressure. Agreeing to put it on hold is a good olive branch. If you're struggling now, imagine the future after years of viewing your *wedding* as a toxic thing. It's not a good place to be.

Third, if you can get her to look at this constructively, maybe she should see her own counselor without you. I did the same thing in conjunction with marital counseling and the personal counselor was just as valuable, because it was all about me and my perspectives.

I think this is a commitment issue from her end, but unfortunately it's something you can't always control or influence. You might want to talk to a counselor yourself as well to get in the right headspace about what the possible outcomes are, and to realize that there may be a point where the best option for your happiness is to cut your losses (though I don't think that's the path right now).

You can practice mindfulness meditation. The more you practice it, the better you will get at noticing the moments as they pass, and eventually not even "noticing" them so much as living in them fully. It takes time to get there, but the basic techniques are simple enough for anyone to learn. There are lots of guides out there to get started — this is a good one.