The best Attention Deficit & Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder books: Reddit reviews

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Couple's counseling with a therapist.

You need a third party who can validate her being heard and explain to her that she isn't being good to you by denying something that treats your medical condition.

Also, the book "Is it You Me or ADD" might help her find her feet in the relationship.

I have ADHD, as well, and got diagnosed going through a doctoral program. It is scary to think there are people out there that don't believe this is real... It's so real and impacts our lives everyday.

There are two great books on adhd and relationships that help you deal with that type of situation. I'll try and find them if you're interested in the titles.

Also, I had a wife (now ex wife) and my current Gf Who were/are so supportive of me and my adhd. Legit makes my day knowing they care enough to read those books and learn all about my quirks. I hope your SO will do the same for you

EDIT: Links to each book

https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971

https://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Coaster-Someone-Attention-Disorder-ebook/dp/B0050JCA7C/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=you+me+adult+adhd&qid=1600447520&s=books&sr=1-2

Hope they help!

So this is, uh, a completely separate topic from the whole teenager situation. I'm content just reading everyone else's discussion about it and not contributing to it.

But I found out about a month ago that I have ADHD, so I've naturally been researching everything to do with it. I found this book, and it's a little bit blowing my mind how much harder I've been making getting my place under control. Reading that and then looking at CC'S insta... Imagine how pretty the Tableaux could look if she followed the rule of "inventory must be less than storage"

Can I recommend to you the book Taking Charge of Adult ADHD? Whenever I have any relief from severe depression, this book is my bible. I can scan in a few important pages for you tomorrow if you want, but honestly if you have any bookstores or libraries nearby with a seating area, definitely seek it out and read as much as you can to see if you can read it comfortably (while medicated).

Very much agree. This kid isn’t “FuckingStupid,” she has some form of ADHD.

Honestly, even if the parent/child choose not to go the medication route (a good choice), it’s so helpful to have the diagnosis to get rid of the guilt and shame. Just knowing that “focusing” is going to be a primary challenge, even though most people can do it without trying, is a huge help. Having the freedom to accept that the “easy stuff” isn’t going to be easy is life changing in a good way.

I would not have wanted to be medicated, but if someone had taught me in middle school how to use something like Getting Things Done, I think it would have been a huge help to me in College and my early professional years. I do OK now, but I wish I’d spent my teens developing reasonable planning habits, none of that “put the date the huge project is due into your planner on that date!” bullshit that helps nobody.

Second big change: make sure the physical environment is geared toward an ADHDer. This book is a fucking godsend: https://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Solutions-People-Revised-Updated/dp/1592335128. Seriously, it is just the best. Rule number one: ease of stowage trumps ease of retrieval. Bear that one thing in mind when organizing and planning physical spaces, and 70% of the frustrations of day-to-day life with ADHD just go away.

I think the next change, to the “ADHD” diagnosis will be to add the slash into the acronym (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder for AD/HD) because hyperactivity is not always present. The next change will be getting rid of that last D, because it’s not a disorder so much as a difference that those who have it need to take into account.

I’m honestly not sure if we aren’t in our own way more suited to life in Consumer Culture and Attention Economy land. At least we feel the pain and anxiety right away rather than “powering through it” and bottling it up.

So previously the diagnosis was split into ADD and ADHD, as far as i understand, but it's now an ADHD diagnosis that can fall under innatentive type, hyperactive type, or the multi type like you and I. There's some really great books on ADHD on this list here as well as this one my psychologist recommended

in the short term, i've found the short comics made by ADHD alien (posted on twitter and their website under that name) really helpful for understanding some of my experiences. I've only been officially diagnosed for about a year and a half, and it's been a crazy learning curve. I still have a massive 'OH!' moment about once a month where something new clicks into place about why i'm Like That.

I hope you find something that makes sense for you though, and if you need to talk about anything feel free to inbox me :)

I understand the concern about going to a doctor and them telling you that’s actually you’re “normal.” As if finding out all the things you’re struggling with are not adhd and therefore there’s a problem because you just can’t figure some things out. I was diagnosed with adhd a little older than you (8-10) and my parents were supportive and I was treated. As an adult (20s) I was worried that if I ever got “re tested” they’d say I don’t have it then I’d have all these concerns about myself.

Check out this book and if it sounds like how you feel it may reaffirm some things for you. I would also recommend just going to the doctor (or a therapist if you want to start there but they can’t prescribe medicine usually).

https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152

Yeah! It's called Taking Charge of Adult ADHD. It's one of the most helpful things I've read since being diagnosed a couple years ago. Really explains how executive dysfunction works, as well as a lot of other helpful info. https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Adult-Russell-Barkley/dp/1606233386/

Medication is the most effective tool for treating ADHD, for sure, but it's not the only thing you can do. Make sure you eat and drink enough through the day and get plenty of sleep. Figure out what coping mechanisms and lifestyle interventions work for you. Russell Barkley has written books full of evidence-based tools you can use: Taking Charge of ADHD (for parents) and Taking Charge of Adult ADHD (for adults with ADHD). You might find both of them useful. Organizing Solutions for People With ADHD might also be helpful.

While it’s ADHD specific, the tips can apply generally to everyone as well: Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD. It’s about organizing your physical space, time and task management, and more.

Taking Charge of Adult ADHD

This book was recommended by my doctor who specializes in ADHD and has an ADHD child. He recommends it for parents (and kids when they grow up.) He (my doctor) just gets it, if you know what I mean. This book is practical and amazingly helpful. My doctor said it was the best book on ADHD.

Good luck and congratulations on your daughter's success! That is sincerely so awesome!!!!! 🎉🎉🎊🎊🎈🎈🥳🥳

Does she have an adhd coach? A coach could really help her devise strategies that work for her to manage things like keeping her car clean. (Emphasis on her car. Take back your keys, explain why, help her find a good coach.)

My doctor recommended The ADHD Effect on Marriage. (Recent diagnosis, haven't read it yet, but looks helpful.) https://www.amazon.ca/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwuvmHBhAxEiwAWAYj-NkWO1qP_eVR1AK94om031aviU5M_rMbJ43EZhGo3p1lICLFz7fD_xoChGIQAvD_BwE&hvadid=208290904953&hvdev=t&hvlo...

This is a common thing.

Check out: https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971

Basically talks about your experience when working with someone who has ADHD, and the partner is neuro-typical.

Definitely, reach out to a therapist yourself to learn more on how to help manage this relationship. Your partner will need to work on things as well, but you definitely have a way to not end up being the "mom" to your adult partner.

Hmm....chronic lack of motivation, severely underperforming, giving up too easily, ended up far below the projected potential. That's literally me. Have you ever checked yourself for undiagnosed ADHD? It doesn't matter if you got good grades in high school. A lot of people with ADHD develop coping strategies when they are in school, but performing well takes so much more effort compared to 'normal people' that they burn out completely in early adulthood. That might also explain why you had too little mental energy left to tackle the obesity problem.

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TL;DR: Find a way to check yourself for ADHD. A diagnosis and correct medication might change your life.

If you don't have money for a therapist/evaluation, try at least to check out this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Adult-Russell-Barkley/dp/1606233386

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A.D.D. and ADHD are often concurrent with another cognitive / learning disability.

The classic tome on this subject is a book called Driven To Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell (M.D.) - This may be a good starting place. Finding a good specialist is of course indispensable.

https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152

I was diagnosed at 5 and thought I grew out of it.

I did not. Instead I was just barely coping. Always in trouble at work, always half-finished projects, all my bills paid late, moving every 6 months. Getting help has changed me from being someone who is chronically late to someone that's 5 minutes early.

To all my ladies with ADHD. YOU ARE NOT A FUCKUP OR A FAILURE.

What's changed my world is understanding how my brain and body work and creating sustainable routines in my life. The way I think is different and I have learned to work with myself instead of against it.

You may needs meds, or counseling, or a combination. But you are not a shitty person. Help is out there.

Recommended reading:

Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder

Link to Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152

My friend with ADHD recently started reading this book for help with executive functioning. Maybe it will help you

https://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318

I was lucky enough to be part of a very similar ADHD and related disorders group behavioural therapy program about ten years ago in Australia. In person with a therapist! Unfortunately it doesn't really exist in the same way any more.

I gotta tell you guys, it was the most amazing thing! It saved me through some really tough times in my degree while working from home. I highly recommend combining the CBT exercises with mindfulness exercises designed to strengthen your focus skills: The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD by Lidia Zylowska

It's a fantastic guided practise that helps you bring your mind back to what you were doing with kindness and self compassion.

Good luck everyone! We have a bigger burden than the NTs, but that doesn't mean we can't smash it!

I just found a book titled "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.: Stopping the Rollar Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder". I can't recommend it yet, but am really hoping this it the book I can give to those I love as a users manual for my brain.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0981548709

I strongly believe that my depression/generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis in my early twenties was just the manifestation of undiagnosed ADHD- I felt like a failure that needed to be perfect because "easy" tasks were so difficult for me and if I "just worked harder" I could be "normal".

Since my diagnosis and trying medication and reading You Mean I'm not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?, most of my depression/anxiety has melted away. This is obviously not a guarantee, and your milage will certainly vary, but I for me, having an explanation for what my brain was doing outside of "you useless fool idiot" helped erase that core belief.

If getting a referral is difficult or you'll be facing a long wait, I'd recommend picking that book up. It's a really approachable read that felt really good for me as an adult figuring out that sometimes my brain just does things differently.

I don't do well in clutter because it overwhelms me so I honestly throw away as much as I can possibly get away with and embrace minimalism. The less stuff you have the less there is to clean. Having fewer clothes forces you to do laundry more, for example, but have 15 pairs of pants makes it pretty easy to ignore laundry. I found this book to be amazingly helpful. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1592335128/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_iHaTFbDW68WRC

thank you for the suggesstion. after looking at that book, amazon recommended this one and the title alone made me cry.

Only reason I went is because I had this one boss that also had ADD and recognized the signs in me. He recommended me this book, which wound up being the push I needed to go get help. Maybe you'll find it useful. It very much changed my life.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_XH91AKDR9ZMAYKE7Z3QQ

I would suggest both of you find a baby sitter, and go to the cabin yourselves to rediscover each other.

Listening to this audio book may not be a bad idea on the way: https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971

What you need for peace is not the same thing as what she needs for peace. You are behaving "i'm like this, you need to cope" instead of putting yourself in her shoes as "my partner is changing, and I don't know what is happening"

Divorce because the two of you cant communicate and negotiate life, but in my opinion ADHD is not causing your divorce. There are lots of ADHD+Neurotypical couples who make it work.

Whether you want to or not is up to you.

In adition to the podcast idea there is a book by Susan Pinsky called Organizing solutions for ADHD, its pretty good

organizing with adhd

Have you considered that you might have add/ADHD?

https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0743264487/ref=asc_df_0743264487

Might wanna check out that book. Just got a very add symptom vibe from your post.

Read this book, or better yet listen to it, it’ll change your life...for the better 🙂 Driven to Distraction (Revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_WR7PSZQ6ZJF99GJ30NVE

I'm just starting this journey with my spouse (who's male, but also has a severe trauma history that's just now being addressed, and we're in our 40s), so I empathize with where you are. I'm getting a lot out of "Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?" by Gina Pera, though Melissa Orlov seems to be good too (my spouse is reading her relationship book, mentioned in another comment). We're taking one of Orlov's courses together starting next week.

I do find that Pera's approach has been more validating for the anger I've been struggling with, and feels super empathetic toward the experiences of both partners in the relationship. I'm soaking it up because there are tons of familiar stories, clear explanations and examples (including plenty with how it presents in women / people who are afab). It also weaves in practical strategies for how to reach/engage the attention of someone with ADHD.

Is your wife seeking medication in addition to therapy? That seems to be a key piece that allows all the others to become effective when practiced and used. I know we're not supposed to "parent" our partners, but IMO, when the disorder is preventing them from getting necessary care, something like making the appointment and helping them get there (even if just virtually/phone) would be a kindness, plus a faster way to get back on track.

One thing seems true across everything I've seen, experienced, and researched: we can support and empower, but we can't fix it for them. They have to participate in their own care, in an ongoing way. If you try to compensate for this without your wife doing their part of the work, it's a pretty awful path. I've been on it for years (the roller coaster descriptor is on point), and am just now finding hope - today's been a better day, and information is definitely power.

Part of what you mentioned also reminded me. Check out https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/0743264487

It was an interesting read for me, and kinda brought a lot of things into focus for me, even though I've had the diagnoses for most of my life.

One thing about ADHD meds (and any psych meds, really) is that you have to optimize them, adjust the dosage with the doc until you get the most benefit. And it can mean changing meds as well. I was diagnosed last year at 47 - which explains SO MUCH of my life - Adderall helped, but I also tried concerta, which was a nope, and now I’m on Vyvanse, which is fabulous for me after adjusting the dosage a few times. And this book https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971 was a godsend along with therapy.