I'm listening to Matthew Walker's book on how important sleep is (link for interested parties, highly recommend - I'm prioritizing getting 8-9 hrs a night now and its been amazing), and it's clear from the insane amount of research he's done that limited sleep negatively affects basically every single thing in your body and brain, from your ability to maintain a balanced emotional state over the course of the day to your immune system's ability to fight off cancer cells. In addition, caffeine has something like a 5 hour half life in the body, meaning that it takes your system 5 hours on average to flush out half of the caffeine you've consumed. If she's having even two giant sweet teas a day, there's no way shes getting the sleep she should be getting and it's definitely making her even more anxiety-ridden and stressed out than usual. I haven't ever watched her consistently, but I do like her, and it's been clear to me from watching off and on for a few years now that she doesn't take care of herself sleep-wise. Seems to me like that might now be literally making her crazy. I know she said in one of the Shane videos that she goes to Starbucks so often in part because she doesn't have friends and that's the only social thing she does all day. I want to shake her and tell her to find healthier outlets for herself! This lifestyle is terrible for her mental, physical, and emotional health and all of that is clearly wearing on her and showing in her videos.
That's bad ass dude. Congrats.
If you want to hear about someone who made significant changes in their lives, it's hard to top David Goggins. He has an amazing story and has overcome a lot and he's figured out that he can use movement of his body to change his mind.
You can get part of his story here
But if you're intrigued by that, I highly recommend his audio book Can't Hurt Me
Anyways - congrats on making changes.
Reminds me of a statement from this book about narcissistic parents. Narcissists usually had traumatic childhoods which result in insecurities, and they take out their insecurities on others (including their children) unfortunately.
Real talk, here's how you get your shit sorted:
Read 12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson.
Take some time to figure out what you're actually good at. Go to a community college and try out some skilled trades maybe.
Get your body and mind in shape. Stop watching TV. Work out. Read. Make a serious effort to eat right. Take some pride in your appearance. Learn how to project confidence even if you're an ugly fucker.
Do not go into debt for any reason. If you have debt, pay it off.
Tap your network. Figure out who you know who can help you get a job. A real job, not some bullshit like stocking shelves or being a pig or a teacher or some gay shit like that. Ask men in your life who are in their 40s/50s and have good high-earning careers what you should do to be in their shoes. I guarantee with a little looking you can find someone who's done well for themselves without a college degree.
If you do go back to college, and you might want to, do not do it to be a teacher or a cop or some other poor as fuck profession. Let me spell it out for you. STEM, economics, a trade, or bust.
Don't kill anyone, don't get anyone pregnant. Everything else you can recover from.
I’ve been listening we are bob in my free time. It a good book just a bit different. Would recommend. [link]
just read this... will change your life guarenteed...
I recently listened to the Audiobook, 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay C. Gibson. I would reccomend it to everyone, even if your parents are amazing because it helps you learn how to deal with emotionally immature people in general. It really changed my perspectives on a lot and I wish everyone would read it!
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Also I've been keeping up with the dishes which is big for me, so I'm proud of myself.
Hope all you ladies are doing well! Remember that you are worth it! ❤❤❤
I'd also add How to Win Friends & Influence People alongside /u/Will_Leave_A_Mark's suggestion.
The audiobook is truly amazing.
Hey man, I'm glad you're doing well.
I highly, highly recommend you pick up a copy of The Body Keeps The Score.
It does a fantastic job of explaining exactly what trauma is neurologically, and why you generally cannot willpower it away. There are quite a few things going on, primarily in your limbic system, that sit at a low level where your prefrontal cortex can't directly override them.
What you're describing is similar to things I've struggled with for a long time. If I speak about it at any length, my throat clenches, my shoulders tighten, my voice starts to quaver, I do everything I can to shove the emotion down because it feels weak and vulnerable and I don't want to feel weak and vulnerable. It is nothing like expressing a bad memory, it is something altogether much more horrible. If I keep on going, the tears start to stream, and if I go further my unsteady voice suddenly breaks into wracking sobs.
Once I pull myself together, I'll feel completely and totally drained, sometimes for days.
The reason I recommend the book is because it is the first time I feel like I've had a window into what has gone on inside of my head/body, realized that it's super normal and I am not broken, and most importantly, it is not forever. It's a fully healable wound, but you can't approach it the way you've approached other things, and the book does a far better job than I can explaining why.
I'm still working through a backlog of things, but for me, it's almost magic to watch some of the most traumatic moments in my life transform from being almost like portals in time back to what happened forcing me to relive it again to then become... just bad memories.
I wish you the best of luck, friend.
Love Gabor Mate. To tag on, The Body Keeps the Score is another great one (TW though, it is a heavy read, so go slow/stop if you have to).
Could it be “We are Legion (We are Bob)”. Book one of the Bobiverse? This is a major plot point
We Are Legion (We Are Bob): Bobiverse, Book 1 [link]
Re: why you ignore traumatic experiences:
"When trauma occurs, our bodies activate a protective mechanism. A stressor that is too much for a person to handle overloads the nervous system, stopping the trauma from processing. This overload halts the body in its instinctive fight or flight response, causing the traumatic energy to be stored in the surrounding muscles, organs and connective tissue. Whenever we store trauma in our tissue, our brain disconnects from that part of the body to block the experience, preventing the recall of the traumatic memory."
The Body Keeps the Score goes into this in great detail (TW though, it is a heavy read, go slow if you check it out and stop if you feel you have to wait until you are in therapy).
Not just a pillar. A foundation upon which the other pillars rest. At least according to Matthew walker, a sleep reaearcher.
Some therapy would probably help, if you're not already in it.
David Goggins' story may help. He went through a lot of abuse as a kid and came out the other side.
Not sure if your being sarcastic but his book is on amazon: Can't hurt me
Went from obese to Navy Seal to ultra marathoner to crazy MFer
I'm sorry you're not doing well. Some people find this book helpful:
It's not for everyone, but maybe it helps.
I recommend the one with Scott Brick. It's a bit strange, vacillating between fully cast voice actors and a single reader, but it's got good audio design.
It's one of my all time favorite novels, so I hope you like it, but the mindset of "I should have read it by now" is not a healthy one. Just because Matt likes it doesn't mean it should have the same impact for you.
This is kind of more toward a harder sci fi than Ready Player One...so the opposite direction of fantasy, but go with me here for a moment.
We Are Legion, We Are Bob
The book The Bitcoin Standard by Saifedean Ammous may set you on your way...
I know what you mean and I feel the same way. Right now, I am working through Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. Here is the link at Amazon: [link]
I have read through quite a number of books on toxic relationships, narcissists/sociopaths, relationship boundaries, etc. but I really like this one specific about parents.
I will PM you more books :)
Ha! That's a great image. In my mind, Ray Porter always looks like a cross between Clive Owen (action hero with a chiseled jaw) and, strangely, Rick Moranis (a big brain with a heart to match...and chunky glasses). :-D
If you haven't already, definitely check out the Bobiverse series also narrated superbly by Ray Porter.
Several months ago you mentioned that your priest recommended therapy due to your traumatic upbringing. What you describe sounds a lot to me like numbing and avoidance behavior, which I am very familiar with. While you wait on the therapist waiting list, you might want to try reading The Body Keeps the Score and see if anything in there helps you.
> I 99,9% certainly am
It's funny, I just read this book:
Highly recommended. There are people that operate fine on little to no sleep, but they are roughly 1 in 100,000. Meaning you probably aren't that person.
BUT was is super common is people that have sleep deprivation, but are blind to the effects and symptoms. They live their whole lives in a degraded state, but refuse to do anything about it.
Hi, similar experience here. Check out the book The Body Keeps the Score. It’s about how the cells in our bodies hold onto stress and trauma.
There are accompanying workbooks that can help with releasing that trauma so your body can move on. Sounds a little kooky I know but it’s fascinating and you may find it very helpful. Being a caregiver is absolutely traumatic to us, even though we do it out of love it still takes a toll.
Is it this book?
>Which it is. I use this sub and the long winded rants as a means for supply without actually tackling my problems. No insults to bronze, I admire his ability to self reflect.
I don't know man... I think you just beat him. I don't think I've ever been able to get him to fully admit to that.
But I understand what you mean.
You know we got some sources on dealing with victim mentality, right? /r/narcissism/wiki/victimmentality
You already managed to complete phase 1: Self awareness and that's by far the hardest part.
Beyond that it's just a matter of starting really small and using phone alarms and other tricks to hold yourself accountable. Exercise and definitely read 12 rules for life if you haven't yet. That was basically written with you in mind.
You know that I like you? I do. You're a good guy, you know that?
>I don't know. I think it depends on the problem. Not even the scale of the problem, just what the problem is. I guess sometimes that's classified as mental illness, but that's just a label. (And there are situations in which a victim mentality is viewed as natural and acceptable; they're selected kind of arbitrarily though)
Hmmmmmmmm Are you not a follower of JBP? Because that sounds like you haven't read the 12 rules. There's pretty much a whole chapter on it (it's pretty much a must read).
>All this time, victim mentality has been painted as a really scary thing. Even the term, "victim mentality," makes it hard to defend. But what actually makes it bad? No one has offered a good answer, and I think that's because it's not bad, not for the one with the victim mentality
Reality is self fulfilling up to a certain degree, that can not be denied. Only a blind man would deny that. As long as it's humans on both ends it works (can't do it human vs machine or earth or whatever, but human to human interactions has self fulfilling aspects).
You're denying yourself access to that. It's as simple as that. We're simply trying to grant you access to that. It's a gift, you deserve it, take it.
May I heartily recommend this book to you?
Read this and thank me later: Why We Sleep
I brought that out because your reactions look very similar to other people who have experienced trauma, and your personal experiences resemble a few negative patterns I've seen before.
If I was going to recommend a book, I'd pick "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". I'm currently listening to the audiobook, and it's still enlightening, in spite of the fact that I already knew most of the information it presents. There are a lot of citations, which I think you'll enjoy.
I highly recommend The Body Keeps the Score. It’s super helpful for working through body trauma. Can’t recommend it highly enough.
Also, just for the record, you can identify as asexual at any time it feels right for you.
> The guys they like don’t want to take them seriously because of their past and to them sex is just sex.
No one thinks it's unreasonable for people with different values to not want to date.
Not sure why you think people have a problem with this.
> I advised them that giving the guy a hall pass (just one) can change his mind to show him sex holds no value and it’s not important.
A woman won survivor by learning social skills from this book. Maybe it can help you? https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/B0006IU7JK/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HMVAM9IX54K0&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people+dale+carnegie&qid=1628892328&sprefix=how+to+win+%2Caps%2C217&sr=8-1
> None of the three girls I said this to agreed with me. One of the three I was actively having sex with.
Why would anyone want their boyfriend to have sex with someone else?
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"
> this would be better with a little joint
Why would it be better? What is lacking today, right now, that weed contributes? Its analog, but get a pen and paper and write down 1-5 things that weed would contribute in a positive way to your life. Next to that list, write down things that would be negatively impacted by weed. If you can only come up with 1-5, that is fine, but if the list goes longer in either case, let it. Try to understand why you are for and against weed.
Looking at that list, what other additions to - or extrications from - your life would have similar effects? A single example would be more relaxed at night as a positive of weed. I'd suggest you look into what effect weed has on sleep (here's a good book for that quest) as well as what daily exercise can do for your sleep. If you needed one more, weed might make you eat more, be that good or bad, but you can flip that by saying that taking some cooking classes will greatly increase your enjoyment and quality of food. My point is that whatever weed is contributing, I bet you can find that somewhere else and in greater fidelity and net good.
I'd like to close by mentioning that at your age, you are harming your brain's development. You might not be at the level of maturity where that matters a ton to you, but looking back from the ripe age of 39, I can tell you it ultimately will and in a big way. You'll look back at all the times that you took the easier path at the cost of some form of health and you'll regret it. I didn't drink until I was 25 and didn't use legal drugs (gotta love Washington state!) until I was in my 30's. That isn't an easy path for everyone, but I have never regretted putting my health first.
Good luck to you, and I hope you accomplish your goals.
Read 12 rules for life, about the lobster mind
Realize that NOBODY is coming to save you and that you'll have to be your own hero.
If you want a good book that just jackhammers this in every goddamn chapter (to the point of being almost annoying), read David Goggins' "Can't Hurt Me"
Aw sorry, that sucks. I'm just regurgitating what I heard from the author of Why We Sleep.
>That's not what studies show.
I don't believe you.
>Read about what will happen to your kids' longterm health if you take this approach: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/B08TX585RN/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1618764528&sr=8-1
Trauma??? Are you kidding? Being straightforward is not inflicting trauma. You conflate the benign with the heinous to create bizarre narratives.
>If you're obese the doctor, at least a good one, should tell you in no uncertain terms that your lifestyle choices will lead to disease and premature death. Anything less is simply unprofessional and dangerous.
That's not what studies show.
Studies show that doctors who help their patients think in gentle words about their health, those patients outcomes are better than the "tell it like it is/willpower" patients :)
"You can't bubble wrap the world, physically or emotionally. "
You're right. But being hurt is bad for your health. So hurting people recreationally is fucking stupid.
Read about what will happen to your kids' longterm health if you take this approach: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/B08TX585RN/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1618764528&sr=8-1
Because of blockchain technology and little incentive for people to do it. Bitcoin is considered hack-proof because the Bitcoin blockchain is constantly reviewed by the entire network. Thus, attacks on the blockchain itself are very unlikely. Look here for more info. I highly suggest the book The Bitcoin Standard for more information and history on currency itself. Great listen on audiobook if you don't enjoy the reading.
Read How to Win Friends and Influence People. Its lessons are as true today as they were almost 100 years ago. This will help you make actual friendships, not manipulations that will eventually stop working.
I'm not completely sure. I've only ever read the physical book. I've heard great things about this version, but I think it suffers from the voice acting switch that you note. I'd check over in /r/dune for more info!
Check out Amazon/Audible. All of the books have been recorded, the original six by a cast of multiple speakers.
It should be the first search result to come up, and it's available on Apple as well.
I love the book. Have you heard the audiobook? Hands down the best audiobook I've ever heard. Every character is voiced by a different actor. Mark Hamill does a voice. Henry Rollins, Alan Alda, Martin Scorcese, and more. But it made me wish they'd adapt the book like a Ken Burns miniseries. 10 episodes, done like a history of the zombie plague, showing lots of news reports and eyewitness footage from phones etc, social media panic. Them do all the interviews like an oral history with flashbacks. It would be fantastic.
Here's the Amazon link. Listen to the sample.
World War Z: The Complete Edition (Movie Tie-in Edition): An Oral History of the Zombie War [link]
I just listened to David Goggins' book: Can't Hurt Me (the audiobook version) and it really got me in the mood to go lift and better myself.
You should probably read up on this if you don't know. I'm not going to be able to make the argument in a reddit comment.
I recommend "The Bitcoin Standard"
Also would highly recomend 12 rules for life by Dr. Peterson, I just went through a bunch of shit in my life from every direction and Ch.12 would help you a lot. I always recommend audiobooks too you can get 30 days and this audiobook free trial if you don't have an audible account already
So, I've wanted to try getting into audiobooks. Haven't signed up for Audible because I didn't know if I'd get my money's worth out of a subscription service. Would I need to be a subscriber to listen to just one book to see how I like it (I ask because it may take me longer than the 30 day trial to get through it)? If not, I'd really like to give World War Z: The Complete Edition a listen.
Great story. I would love to see a sequel series for the Terrans. (gotta go back through and make sure all chapters have an upvote)
Also, this series reminds me of a book series I started reading midway through your first chapter and the last one. If you are interested in reading about what you wrote about.
The series is called "We are Legion; We are Bob" it also involves a human becoming a von Neumann spaceship. No alie...no spacefaring aliens in that series yet, though.