Wow, what timing. I'm definitely not fine right now either. The past few weeks have been exceptionally challenging for me, too. ��
Actually...I hadn't made this connection before, but I've just been reminded of an anti-depressive/anxious spiral technique I use pretty often called somatic resourcing. Basically, even when we feel our worst, there is usually something present that does feel "fine", or neutral, or safe. Sometimes this can be a physical sensation; sometimes it can be part of your environment.
Some examples: if my stomach is clenched in fear, shifting my attention to a part of my body that feels okay, that isn't experiencing the same tightness or expressing the same emotional reactivity, and focusing on it for a bit. (Usually my legs and feet, or the physical sensation of the weight of my body on any surface.) Or focusing on an object or location in my environment that feels stable. (My desk, light shining on a surface, the sound of the AC.)
The effectiveness of this technique has kind of made me realize that it's...true, I guess? That our minds, which tend to send out pretty intense this-isn't-fine signals, are not to be fully trusted or believed when they are doing so. This is an exceptionally difficult thing to remember when one is in the throes of a bad emotional spell, but it's so so so true.
NGL I find it hard to connect with this quote sometimes but I still love it—“As long as you are breathing, there is more right with you than there is wrong, no matter how ill or how hopeless you may feel.” (x) I hope this can resonate with you even a little bit, OP.
Hey man. I'd recommend reading a book called "Full Catastrophe Living". I think it could help you a lot. Live in the here and now. Deal with anxiety. Remove your fears and be present.
This is more old fashioned (a book and cds used together, not an app) but Jon Kabat-Zinn designed a mindfulness meditation program at the University of Massachusetts Medical School specifically for people dealing with horrible health stuff. It's about stress reduction and also about coming to terms with your situation. A therapist recommended it and it helped me IMMENSELY. Just the sound of his voice now is insanely calming.
you may be interested in Dr. Gerson's take on healing cancer through diet.
here is his book if so: https://www.amazon.com/Gerson-Therapy-Nutritional-Program-Illnesses/dp/1575666286/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449992169&sr=8-2&keywords=Max+Gerson+a+cancer+therapy
this isn't an affiliate link or anything I just saved it just in case I get cancer one day.
​
also on a related note, juicing weed is a thing (both leaves and buds)
There's one story I heard about a guy who was working at a construction site who stepped on a nail that came out the top of his shoe. He was in so much pain. The ambulance came, they took him to the hospital and carefully cut his shoe off. The nail actually went between two toes and he was perfectly fine. But he felt the nail go in, he saw the nail sticking out the top of his shoe, he felt pain that was very much like he would have felt if the nail had gone through his foot.
Pain doesn't exist only in the body part that hurts. Everything you feel and experience also happens in your brain. You hit your hand and the nerves in your hand send a signal to your brain, which puts the information together with what your eyes see and generates the feeling of pain in your hand.
According to the book [The Way Out](https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X) pain is a danger signal that tells our brain that something is wrong. But those signals can get crossed in the brain or in the body, and different danger signals can make the feeling of pain greater than it actually is.
If you're stressed or anxious (both of which are danger signals) and you get a minor injury that causes a pain signal, your brain can combine the pain signal with your emotions and make the injury seem more dangerous than it actually is. In some cases, you'll still feel that pain years later even though the underlying injury has long since healed.
Genuine good energy to you. I know the anxiety issues but my daughter (not hers) is doing wonderful out on her own so I didn't have kid stress (which probably will bring out the best in you anyway). Actually the anxiety (almost panic sometimes) brought me closer to my daughter when she helped me walk through it. One foot in front of the other. Now's a great time to learn basic breathing meditation if you want a great book link. If you do it at night it also helps you sleep, it just helps repair your parasympathetic nervous system (your "trauma-handling organ". This is ridiculously similar to Buddhist small heavenly cycle breathing which makes sense because they drew from several well-researched sources: The Healing Power of the Breath and it comes with a CD. No reason not to start making new traditions for yourself and your household!
You are very welcome, I have lots of tips and advice and glad to share them.
I will get back to you with much more info later, but for now:
A really great instructor who led dbt training in my area heavily recommended Jon Kabat-Zinn for mindfulness based stressed reduction (MBSR), as well as his book Full Catastrophe Living:
https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932/ref=nodl_
you might want to try reading this book, esp if doctors cant give you a straight answer on whats actually wrong and no treatment works: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X
could apply to you, could not. definitely worth 15 bucks and a short read
She gave me some of those tools…but I’ve already mostly got them.
There’s this great book and guided meditation combo I use, here’s the amazon link:
https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932
Fear causes your muscles to tighten, in a vicious circle. This book helped me with the psychosomatic elements of my pain.
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X
YES I relate to this so much! Vyvanse helped block out all of that mental clutter and allows me to focus on the task at hand without ruminating on all of the other things I have to do. I'm also reading a book on mindfulness-based stress reduction that I'll link here in case you're interested. :) Keep us updated and let us know how everything goes in January!
https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932
Take care of your mental state.
I'm recommending this book to everyone because it is so great on the mental causes of pain (probably also applies to you) https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X
Read this book about how to heal medically unexplained chronic pain:
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X
It is about the psycological factors, but stresses that the pain is real even if it may be generated by your brain: the author is a recovering chronic pain sufferer.
I have found it very helpful.
Chronic pain can spread. This book explained to me why and has good mental techniques for resisting it. The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain https://www.amazon.com/dp/059308683X/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_C4RYVJ27YB83ZGMS4KD4
Or maybe you are just sore from a new exercise routine!
I love this book on pain: The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain https://smile.amazon.com/dp/059308683X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZJDNG4HCHWWX2Q2HK0EW
It really explains the concept of how chronic pain can be so changeable and what to do about it.
Think about your mental state when the pain came back: were you anxious, depressed, stressed? As I have tracked my mood I can see how life stresses impact my pain.
Please don't threaten suicide, it's very distressing! If you really mean it, go to the emergency room right now and don't read the rest of this post.
I'm really positive about the following book right now:
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Out-Revolutionary-Scientifically-Approach/dp/059308683X
It's about techniques for calming down an overactive nervous system that produces lots and lots of random pains. It explains a lot about how I keep getting other random symptoms and my pelvic pain seems to be spreading to my hips.
The Secret Teachings of Plants: The Intelligence of the Heart in the Direct Perception of Nature https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591430356/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_EMBQSH40DGGC60NW2NKR?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Plant Intelligence and the Imaginal Realm: Beyond the Doors of Perception into the Dreaming of Earth https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591431352/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_DS0WP8GSN9QDBXABG7WQ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Either or both of these books would be a good start, there are many other authors who talk on the same or similar subjects, but I really enjoy how this author presents the information in a way that makes it very digestible.
Hey Don, your enthusiasm is infectious. The part of your video where you describe a perfect joy beyond a perfect joy and how love is not the end all, be all because there’s more... I recommend another series of books about that.
It starts with Power Vs. Force, but the author wrote something like 14 books before his death. He uses a chart wherein the realm of the spirit begins at love, then goes to joy, then peace, then what is merely described as “ineffable”, or the higher levels of enlightenment such as the Buddha experienced. Another great read. You seem to have your hands full, but this is another set of indescribably useful books, the likes of which one rarely sees.
You can replace pandemic with lots of things.
Climate change, homelessness, poverty.
We have the tools to fight all of those and win, and honestly with an increase in the quality of life of all human beings.
The vast majority of human beings are self-destructive. (85%, give or take).
More info here: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Force-David-Hawkins-M-D/dp/1401945074
It's not just browns fans. It's humans.
And you're right. It is a disease. (its called the ego).
85% of the world's population calibrates below the level of positivity (truth). Those people are constantly negative and self-destructive as a way of life.
(From here: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Force-David-Hawkins-M-D/dp/1401945074)
Learn by doing! Plant walks with others who can help you learn ID, making simple recipes and then get more refined as one masters the basics.
Books - must have a good wild plant ID book for your region. Small local used bookstores typically know the ones because they are frequented by the plant nerds!
required DIY resource:
James Green, The Herbal Medicine Maker's Handbook
https://www.amazon.com/Herbal-Medicine-Makers-Handbook-Home-Manual/dp/0895949903
I think you'd really enjoy Power vs Force by David Hawkins:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Force-David-Hawkins-M-D/dp/1401945074
He's a Bodhisattva (a kind of enlightened being) and a Clinical Psychologist. There's a tool in the that allows you to know whether any question you ask is true or false. (Crazy right?). Can verify first hand it works. There's also a "Map of Consciousness" that will show you where you are on your spiritual path. Super handy.
​
>The issue with spirituality is that it is REALLY hard to get good information because to an outsider, to a beginner, there just isn't any way to know what is or isn't true.
​
There is:
​
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Force-David-Hawkins-M-D/dp/1401945074
:)
You had what is a called a "high experience". It is basically a glimpse into a higher level of consciousness than what you are currently at in normal life. The experience has left you changed positively, because it was the result of surrendering negative attachments, but not at the peak of the level you experienced. In short, if you want to get to that level permanently, you have to do much more spiritual work and surrender more attachments. I myself have had two high experiences, different than yours but both having a profound impact on my life.
There is indeed a person who has mapped out everything regarding what you just experienced. He was an actual enlightened person in modern times named David Hawkins, who wrote many books guiding the readers to enlightenment. If you are interested, I recommend you start by reading his first book, Power Vs Force.
My favorite book on herbalism right now is The Herbal Medicine-Maker's Handbook. When I was first reading it I was expecting it to be strictly scientific, but I was pleasantly surprised to find it is dripping with animism and has a great balance of medical and spiritual attributes. I think every herbalist should own this book. Heck, I think every pagan and witch should read this book.
For sure made me more aware of animals as other sentient beings. Not just animals though. You eat shrooms and smoke DMT enough in the woods and you understand that the whole planet and everything on it is alive and sentient. I know it’s an unpopular opinion over on r/vegan, but I absolutely recognize the planets to be just as alive and sentient as animals and myself (though in a way that is entirely alien in my normal waking life). I am not veg/vegan, but I do everything I can to not unnecessarily harm any animals or plants. For me, eating plants and animals is the same as far as actually killing and consuming them (though the treatment of animals is abhorrent). I see it as sharing energy and being grateful for the sustenance they provide. That’s the natural order. Beyond the whole eating them thing, I’m a lot more excited about interacting with animals and plants as well. It’s just like interacting with people for me. I don’t wanna sound too new age or anything, but the natural world is my family and I love spending time with it.
Also, you might dig this book
https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Teachings-Plants-Intelligence-Perception/dp/1591430356
I'm sorry you're going through this. I have visual snow and tinnitus that ranges from meh to paralyzing. I was suicidal for a few years. And then I switched to thinking "suicide is an option" and started talking about it.
Sounds about like where you are? So, we're basically in a similar place. Yay us.
I don't think about things like "this might get better" or "it might be worth it to hold on." I think about it like "now I eat lunch, turn on music" and "pack the slightly embarrassing way to have noise even in nature."
I finished college with it. I dated with it. I got married. I can hold down a job with it. It's really only problematic when I obsess about it.
You'll get plenty of book recommendations. This is the one that helps me, Full Catastrophe Living: https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
Hoping the best for you.
It sounds to me like you have a lot to deal with, which sucks, but a bunch of things you can work on, which means you can probably improve a lot of things about your situation.
Therapy was very helpful to me at a few critical points, but finding the right person and cultivating a helpful relationship was time-consuming and difficult.
I see my chronic problems as a daily challenge, so I live on a daily schedule. Good diet, meditation, lots of stretching, and lots of audio therapy for my tinnitus (which is a bigger problem for me than pain; thankfully my pain issues are not debilitating, the tinnitus can be -- though when it's severe it's like a piercing fire alarm and is physically painful).
Abusing narcotics recreationally can be "fine", but that's a big red flag in general about someone's lifestyle. Stealing drugs from someone you're supposed to love and respect is also a huge red flag. How old are you? This is sort of high-school drama stuff all around.
If you're open to actually making deep structural changes to your life, then pretty much any crappy self-help book will be fine (though I would say start here, personally: https://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Revised-Illness/dp/0345536932... if you can't afford this but promise to actually put in the time to read it, I will mail you a copy, PM me).
Any kind of "self help" program is simple but very difficult. You've got to be ready to dig deep, challenge your assumptions about who you are, and try to change what's changeable and live with the rest. It's a tall order. It's much easier to have good intentions than follow-through and end up with a wall full of self-help books (hence my willingness to mail you one)