The best Behavioral Sciences books: Reddit reviews

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> What a creepy little fucker. He gave me bad vibes the minute I met him. Goes to show that your intuition about people is right sometimes.

The Gift of Fear

Read it. Dead serious. It will change your perspective on your gut instincts.

Have you tried EMDR therapy? it worked wonders for me. Also this book was very helpful to me https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

That is a very fast and nasty escalation -- and one that could have put you in more danger of being attacked by someone else.

Please be sure to let your boss know about this right away. As you said, you can't prove it was her, but is is pretty likely that it was. It would be wise to change your schedule. Given that your boss has already had to report your Nmonster to the police, your boss will likely want to help you do that. It would also be good to get a picture of your Nmom to the appropriate security folks at work so that they know the miscreant when they see her.

Given this incident, you would be wise to consider getting more protections for yourself in place.

You may also find this book useful The Gift of Fear.

Please take this escalation seriously and get your protections in place. One of the things that happens with ACONs is that our "Normal Meters" get broken and / or seriously skewed by decades of mistreatment by our NParents. Your buddy is freaked out for a reason. The other posters here are scared for you for a reason. If your nmom has escalated this fast and this maliciously, things aren't likely to quiet down.

Sending hugs (if you want them).

Edit: word

Yes, I remember that to, I think I read that in some book. It is both funny and a little bit scary how easily they can out put us into categories.

Edit: The book i read it in is called Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

If someone - or yourself- tells you to NOT think about a pink elephant, all your brain is going to be able to do is think about that pink elephant. It’s normal. Most people have intrusive thoughts even at the most inopportune/inappropriate times. Normal!

But if you’re looking to overcome it my therapist recommended this book to me and it’s helped. https://www.amazon.ca/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346

There is definitely a creep factor involved that has nothing to do with height/size. Some guys just exude it. In the book The Gift of Fear the author talks about subtle hints that your subconscious picks up on. Innocent guys just walking the path don't throw out any of those vibes, although women are wise to be cautious whenever or wherever.

I have an anxious attachment style too, and initially I thought it was a bad thing. What I like about this theory is how non-judgmental it all is. Your needs are your needs. I NEED more security and validation from partners, so I NEED to look for someone who is capable of giving me that. Secures can do that, while avoidants cannot.

If this interests you at all, I HIGHLY recommend the book “Attached”

When I was 17-18, I had a job at a university bookstore. There was a man who came in a lot, a professor. He liked to hang around and talk to me about books, and one day he invited me to dinner. He was at least 20 years older than me, but I was in a new city and didn't know many people, so I went.

At the restaurant, I became increasingly uneasy. I still can't put my finger exactly on why, he didn't sleaze on me, but I found myself wanting to get away from him. In the end, I picked a fight (about feminism) and stormed out of the restaurant—I even made sure I stopped and paid for everything I had eaten. I did not want to feel any obligation to him.

I avoided him after that.

He became quite famous in my country after a few books he'd written—he was a criminologist, often interviewed in the news and quoted in articles. But every time I saw his name my hackles rose—and I still could not to this day tell you exactly why. It was "just a feeling".

And he kept getting more famous... until the day, about 2 years ago, when the headlines announced he had been arrested and charged for the sexual abuse and grooming of a girl under 12.

I heard there were others, but they were historical charges and prosecutors didn't think they could get a conviction.

Absolute creep.

Moral of the story: trust your instincts. I read Gavin de Becker's book The Gift of Fear some time after that incident and it made complete sense to me. I advise everyone, especially young women, to read it. It explains what it is your instincts are doing when they warn you, and how to learn to follow them and keep safe.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198

Funnily enough, the side of the brain we use to see things in our head is also the shittiest at drawing.

If you're interested in improving your skill I can't recommend Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain enough.

Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain: The Definitive, 4th Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429201/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_605eDbH573H1C

Edit: I know the left vs right brain thing is fake, what I meant is being able to visualize something in your head doesn't correlate to drawing skills until you train your brain to do it

I personally think the opposite. Photo realism is not "advanced". Painting impressionistically is not beginner either. What you need for impressionist painting comes off the back of photorealism. Copying a photo does not make you advanced. Infusing a photo with emotion and meaning makes you advanced. This painting is just that. And I love it. I am honestly tired seeing a photorealistic drawing and then clicking the comments just to see "Wow! I thought it was a photo" over and over again. Not to knock it, but this sort of work takes a different kind of skill. You need a handle (hah) on your brushwork and how you react to what you see. Difficult as fuck. Im still learning how to do this myself.

Learning "how to see" is definitely the cornerstone in becoming a better artist, though. That I agree with. Don't equate impressionism with not being able to do this. In my opinion they do it the best. I recommend anyone learning to pick up "drawing on the right side of the brain". Thats what personally helped me with getting things right. I used to draw photorealistic but I felt that it was an empty sort of exercise. Where do you go from there? Here. You go here. You express yourself.

Love the painting

Please please read: The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence . A relationship is "good" until it's not. Just like how you can feel healthy until you go to the doctor and they tell you're sick. Use your best judgement. Be safe.

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Reread your post. Can you see that he's trying to get his way regardless of your feelings? First he tried the "nice" way. I bet he also tried asking you for a baby. Then he tried telling you he wants a baby. Then he tried a guilt trip. Then he tried to dominate you. Then he HURT you and didn't let up until you agreed under force. OP, do not lie again. Do not say okay if you don't want a baby. You do not want to teach him (without meaning to) that he can get his way if he hurts you.

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Here's an amazon link for the book: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198. Maybe someone else knows where to get a free PDF?

Jaynes. I actually remember a sentence from the first chapter (probably not an exact quote, but I can't be bothered to go find my copy), "When asked, 'What is consciousness?' people become conscious of consciousness, and believe that consciousness of consciousness to be what consciousness is. This is not the case."

It's engaging and well-written, but his theory wasn't all that influential in the long run. The brain is so much more complicated than left brain/right brain...We as humans definitely have a friction between our logical minds and our impulsive instinctive minds, but it's deeper than they believed back then.

An interesting modern read would be Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman...He's a Nobel prize winning economist who has done a lot of work about human decision making in an attempt to figure out how it drives economic decision making. He's coming at it from a completely different direction, but if anything, that makes his stuff more interesting.

>I asked him to leave me alone, he didn’t. So I made up some bs story that I left something behind and ran back into work.

You did well.

The Gift of Fear

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

I want to validate that it’s upsetting and it does feel dangerous. You’re not being a crybaby, especially if this is the first time you have this type of attention on you. Unfortunately, it’s a rite of passage every woman goes through.

Take women self defense classes or seminars to learn how to look unapproachable. I also recommend reading “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. Knowing that you can fight back is a powerful tool. By taking steps to protect yourself, you can feel safer.

Know that it is ok for you to be “rude”. No one is entitled to your time or your attention. My go to is to not answer or respond to attention. However, I will admit I don’t get that much attention as I’m not a conventional attractive woman so my methods may not work as well.

Taxi driver conversations: that could be mundane. You can turn it around. Give a vague reply, “the South Side” or even “I prefer to keep it private” and then ask them detailed questions so they talk about themselves. Or you can just ignore them and say you’ve had a long day. If they insist on asking you questions, then they’re being rude and intrusive.

Gaining weight as a defense mechanism is a common tactic but it has long term health consequences. I advise against it because healthcare is expensive (in the US). Also, gaining weight won’t prevent all violence against you. Being a woman comes with an inherent set of risks, regardless of size.

Random violence happens to everyone, regardless of looks, gender, or size. I don’t know the city you live in or what the circumstances are so I can’t say it will all be ok. At the same time, the world is less dangerous than the news or television shows portray. I stopped watching police procedural shows because I realized it made me paranoid to leave the house. I’ve traveled solo in US cities late at night and have been fine. I’ve also been groped in broad daylight.

The simple answer is that there is positive male media out there, just not Men As Men. Like, Batman is a dude. Groot is a dude. Ethan Hunt is a dude. All those are dudes doing cool dude shit as dudes.

The more complex answer is that, on a place like Medium, there's not a whole lot of value that's going to come out of broad "male defense". Like, what specifically are you looking for? "Congratulations on not catcalling women"? "Thanks, men, for generally existing without murdering people"?

Like it or not, humans tend to be negatively focused. It is probably an innate survival instinct. So you're going to get a dozen times as many "men, stop doing thing!" articles as you will "men, thanks for doing thing!" articles.

"Nothing happened", the word to finish that sentence is YET. while it's unknown exactly how the situation would of progressed if you hadn't left and gone to a safer location... if you feel it's dangerous that you are most likely right in your assessment. People are more perceptive than they realize.

Consider reading this book: The Gift of Fear

https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

Maybe flippin' them off wasn't the smartest move, but they were already focused on harassing you. You are not responsible at all for their sinister behaviour.

It was better to run that to stay, you made the right choice.

There can be a pack mentality of men egging other men on, an action they may not initiate on their own, they will take part in, or turn a blind eye to, when they're together.

I've seen it in girls and women too (pack cruelty), more with verbal bullying, rarely physical violence.

I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

r/ptsd

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score

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Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.

I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA

(33F here. I have similar feelings)

Introvert/ extrovert aren’t exact opposites. Most people exhibit tendencies of both. Here’s a good book about it: Quiet

If you're interested in reading about this and other subtle strategies used to influence, I suggest you check out the book influence: the psychology of persuasion. It's one of my faves. It details:

• Reciprocity
• Anchoring
• Scarcity
• Decoy effect
• Similarity bias (fear of difference)
• Small commitment to influence longer term commitment
• Making efforts difficult to increase eventual satisfaction (Ikea effect)

All very interesting stuff that you can see in action every day.

1. Luck and hard work
2. My car audio setup. I swear that it saved me years off my life driving around Metro Manila's hellish traffic.
3. Would highly recommend Habit. I typically visit CNN Philippines and Rappler for local news. WSJ and FT for international newspapers. As for people to follow, I love Richard Branson and Elon Musk aside from Steve Jobs.
4. We went to the US, told people we're gonna buy iPhones, orders came in, and we bought 25 iPhones back to the Philippines that were sold even before they set foot in NAIA. An easy PHP30k profit each for something that took a few minutes each morning for 4 days.
5. I didn't earn my own money so to speak. Well, except my Eth mining sideline. Does it feel empty.. in a way it does but we do have a sense of pride in continuing our parents legacy.

I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.

Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.

It does, but you don't need to know all of that to draw from a still photo of a face. Instead of drawing a skull, muscles, skin, you break the picture down into shapes and lines and draw those instead. You don't need to know any of the anatomy because all the visual information you need to draw it is already there without any knowledge of how it works.

It's possible to go from not knowing how to draw to being able to draw a pretty good face in just a week if you can learn to do this, there are several books that teach it. This is the one most people will recommend you. From there you just practice getting more accurate and learn how to actually do it (physical techniques to shade, how to blend, etc.).

He's being a dick about it but what /u/curdledS8 is saying is 100% accurate -- knowing how to draw from a still photo really well doesn't mean shit if you don't know how to draw form, how perspective works, etc.. It's not that impressive if you think about it this way.

Hey OP, if you username wasn’t a flag on its own, your post history certainly is. Given that you were recently asking about guns, I don’t think it’s wise for strangers to be opening their homes to you.

As someone who has struggled from extreme depression, I have some idea of the pain you are feeling. Before you make any big decisions, I need you to pick up a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s free with a library card in the LA Public Library system. Get the Libby app and have it the audiobook read to you on your phone.

That book uses a principle known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it’s effective and fast-acting.

Do your parents know you’re suicidal?

That hard yank on the emotions drives urgency. Too hard a yank is 9 times out of 10 your clue of a financial scheme.

Recommended reading, "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion"

You didn’t mess up or freeze! Your actions show that you were ridiculously aware given the circumstances (tried to call 911 first before reaching for your firearm), and something in your gut, your instinct, stopped that trigger finger unless you absolutely HAD to. You would have pulled if he attacked you, but you waited until the absolute last possible second to decide whether to take a life, and that shows courage and really trusting your instincts and your training. There was probably a little spark in your brain somewhere that said "If he really was going to attack me he'd already be doing it, not standing there taunting me." (If you haven't read The Gift of Fear, do.) Nobody died or went to the hospital, and you get to sleep in your own bed. That was the best possible outcome you could have had. Don't wish you could go back and do it over again and shoot someone... as traumatizing as having a psycho bathrobe ninja fall out of your ceiling is, that would be far worse for your mental health.

The problem is in India introverts are shamed by teachers, by parents, by society. There is Nothing wrong with being an introvert

In fact read this book - https://www.amazon.in/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

I am also an introvert, have always been one. And I love it.

NTA. It's better to be rude than dead. Women are taught to be overly polite and worry more about someone else's comfort than their own. You are allowed to behave and feel however you like. Anyone who tells you that you shouldn't feel a certain way is deluded or trying to manipulate you.

Never let anyone talk you into giving someone a chance that you are not interested in dating. You are not required to go on a date with someone just because they ask. You get a vote-- and no one else.

You can break up with someone for any reason- it doesn't have to be some imaginary "good enough" reason.

Digital stalking is still stalking. Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse.

Read "The Gift of Fear." It's the manual on how to stay safe and recognize when your gut has it right.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_PJB8SJW18H7JP5ZMPXEK

You own your feelings and choices. Do not let a committee run your life.

> I have a theory that your brain tries to "automate" processes and to do them subconsciously when it feels confident enough about it.

You should read the book Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman - excellent read that I would highly recommend. I think you'd find the book interesting, and it discusses this topic in depth.