On hot Summer days like today, I let my glorious $25 bidet shoot water at my butthole for 5 minutes longer than needed while scrolling Reddit.
Honestly unless you're
Showering after
Using wet wipes
Using a bidet
No amount of scrubbing at your asshole with dry paper is going to get it super clean.
After an hour or so of just moving around/body heat/sweat/etc, anyone who goes down on you WILL get some butt B.O.
People really should plunk down the $35 for a bidet and stop shitting like barbarians.
If you spill salsa on shag carpeting, do you scrub at it with paper towels or do you get some kind of water in the mix?
I drunkenly purchased one off Amazon back in December.
I was out for after-work drinks with coworkers, and I’ve got this one coworker who bought one on a whim a couple years ago. If you get him started about bidets, he won’t stop; the dude gets on a rant like he’s the pope of the church of power washing your pooper.
But this time, another coworker who grew up in the Middle East chimed in about it having been commonplace where she grew up, and how she’s always found it weird it’s not a thing here. So seeing her as a sober voice of reason, I pulled out my phone and bought one.
10/10 purchase, and I didn’t even regret it when I sobered up. My wife rolled her eyes at me when I told her, but now she’s all about it. We go through a lot less toilet paper these days.
Edit: I’m seeing some questions about what model I got; here you go: The Luxe Bidet Neo 120.
For real though, bidets are the truth and seriously neither expensive nor hard to install.
I’m sitting on mine right now after taking a heavenly coffee poop and am reveling in my clean butthole.
If you want to live like a caveman smearing your feces further with an elevated soft paper towel, be my guest though.
Edit: Best wishes, Q. May you grab your nuts at many refs in your next chapter.
Edit 2: here’s a model similar to the one I have: Luxe Bidet Neo 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Attachment (blue and white) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GaF4BbHZXSN67
I may your buttholes ever be clean!
This is one of the best purchases I've ever made. I tell people about it at work (I'm American) and everyone calls me crazy.
Don't forget the energy costs of manufacture and transportation. It takes 17.3 terawatts of energy to manufacture and transport toilet paper per year. That's a huge carbon footprint.
If you're concerned about the ecological impact of TP, I highly recommend a bidet attachment for your toilet like this:
You will use significantly less toilet paper, maybe even eschewing it entirely.
save $25 as fast as you can! I bought one on amazon 4 years ago and its still the best money I ever spent. My boss and 3 of my friends followed suit and are all happier people as a result.
Luxe Bidet Neo 120 - Self Cleaning Nozzle - Fresh Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Attachment (white and white) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JG2DETM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_l2LaEbQVGYBXK
I've got this one. Works just fine.
I have the answer to 2.
Drop $25 on a bidet attachment. Takes 15 minutes to install. Here's one I recommend: https://www.amazon.com/Brondell-Bidet-SimpleSpa-Non-Electric-Attachment/dp/B075MMHQX7/ref=sr_1_7/147-1139475-8698134?ie=UTF8&qid=1529920128&sr=8-7&keywords=bidet&dpID=41UXz-xNppL&preST=_SY300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch
Never wipe again, have a perfectly clean, freshly-showered ass every time.
Pro tip:
To prevent Poseidon's Kiss, grab a lil handful of toilet paper and lay it in the water (in the "target area"), before you go. Paper gives a nice little "landing pad", if you will, and your butt will stay dry.
Also, I just got a bidet and it's the best fucking thing in the world. America is waaay behind on this. I got this one: https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-320-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RX2UI/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=bidet&qid=1565294427&s=grocery&sr=1-5-catcorr
it was easy to install and keeps you feeling sooo clean. Also need to use paper only to dry yourself. That way I don't feel so wasteful to drop a few squares in the potty before I go #2.
^sorry ^for ^the ^tmi!
Luxe Brand:
It's like being kissed by an angel after eating cool mint 5gum
Yep, the Neo 320, never look back haha
Luxe Bidet Neo 320 - Self Cleaning Dual Nozzle - Hot and Cold Water Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Attachment (blue and white) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00A0RX2UI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jz2iDb8K9DFPZ
It's a bidet attachment. It's luxurious.
The one I have is the Luxe 320 which has both nozzles and a hot water connection. Super easy to connect, and because I rent, I just have the plasticky hose coming underneath the door to the under the sink bit.
https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-320-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RX2UI
I have one of these. Like 10 minutes to attach it to your toilet and it's smooth sailing!
Yes. One of the attachment ones, not a separate unit.
I have one on each of the toilets in my home. They're only $35 people!
Before we moved in, I hired a forensic cleaning company to completely clean sanitize the whole house. (Well, except for the basement.) Being able to move into a perfectly clean house where I didn't have to worry about my then-infant daughter touching something nasty was a huge help.
Installing bidets on the toilets in the house was a big hygiene improvement, especially for my daughter.
Epoxy coating the garage floor has saved tons of time in spill cleanups.
Don't use those things regularly, they dry out the skin and make things worse in the long run. Also don't flush them despite the labeling, they don't break up that easily and can clog your plumbing. Speaking from personal experience on both points :|
Instead buy a cheap bidet attachment for your toilet. I have this one and it took about 15 minutes to install.
Get yourself a bidet. Solves the I've-used-so-much-paper-I'm-bleeding thing.
Do it up real nice for some quality poop time. Get a ~~$40~~ washlet/bidet kit from Amazon, a squatty potty, poo~pourri...hell, spring for some ambient string lights and a little zen water fountain.
Happy Black Friday, the Luxe Bidet is $25 today.
The price has gone down since we ordered
The answer to all of his (and your) problems:
https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO
I got one a few months ago. It's amazing. I kept reading about how in most Eastern countries, all toilets come with a bidet. As an American, I'm like wtf am I doing using wet wipes when I can actually get clean?
So I bought it. Super affordable, easy install. No regrets.
You will have to talk to your husband about his habits though. I can't believe you've been dealing with that for years! He probably doesn't understand how nasty that is. It might be hard to bring up, but it's in both of your best interests. It just isn't sanitary to have shitty pants all the time. Good luck!
I’ve been using this one for a while. I love it. Super cheap, and works well too. It will take a few days to get used to the cold water, but if that bothers you, they make ones that use warm water too. Also, if you have high water pressure in your house like I do, turn it on very slowly.
https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO
Do you NEED one? No.
But it is nice. We bought and installed a cheap bidet (this one- it was only $30 when we purchased) coincidentally at the beginning of COVID when TP panic buying was happening. My partner and I live alone and buy TP in bulk from Costco and the savings are marginal (purchasing every 12-14 weeks instead of every 10-12) but the feeling (and reality!) of that super clean arsehole after taking your morning dump is priceless.
As a female, it's also really nice to be able to do a 'quick rinse' after sex or if I'm not feeling fresh and don't have time for a full shower.
Protip: Pair with a squatty-potty for the best bathroom experience
They are super nice. I just bought a cheep one a year ago and i'm SOOOO glad I did.
But yes, you want TP after you bidet, but just like 2 squares to dry.... But if you dont have any tp, it's just slightly annoying to have a completely clean but slightly damp tush. Annoying vs unlivable.
If you're curious This is the one I suggest. It's $35. I did a lot of research and this one is well reviewed for the price. Installation is about 10 min, you have to unscrew the hose for the toilet, screw it back on, then take of the toilet seat, and put it back on. $35 is throw away money for most people. And you'll save loads on TP so it'll pay for it's self easy. And of course if you ever get the burning shits, you'll be blessing my name.
Seriously, just do it.
Or just get a bidet that goes on a toilet for $25 instead of wasting money on baby wipes
> bidet - freaking expensive
?????
It is far cheaper to just get a bidet than using toilet paper alone, or toilet paper in conjunction with wet wipes. I did the math.
No because I have a bidet.
Do yourself a favour and get one plz.