The best Business Conflict Resolution & Mediation books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Congratulations! To anyone else looking for guidance in this area, I strongly recommend reading Getting to Yes. https://www.amazon.ca/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=getting+to+yes&qid=1576216449&sr=8-1

I don't understand all the support for Soh Rui Yang here. Yes, I acknowledged that he is damn good at what he is doing. But I would make the same decision as the gov to not select him for future competitons after several warnings/coaching. As a manager in company, I like to implement a "no asshole rule" - rather to have people working in harmony, & in respect of each other; instead of having an overachieving top performer that causes trouble for everyone else.

If you are interested to delve more into the topic: https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854

Book suggestion for those who have to work with Butch Jones types.

By getting the heck out of there.

​

Your post does remind me of a something I saw in a bookstore yesterday:

[Amazon] The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

If you are having problems communicating expectations and getting others to change based on your what you think or say, I would recommend the following book:

http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Accountability-Resolving-Expectations-Commitments/dp/0071829318

There are also classes that are offered that cover the contents of the book. Doing a Google Search on Crucial Accountability or Crucial Confrontations will bring back a lot of content that is free online that you can use to judge the contents of the book.

For the errors, grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes should be caught by auto-check software, which you can use to check your work before bringing it to the boss. You can also ctrl+F to check for common mistakes each time (eg if you regularly mix up there and their, you can note that to yourself and search through to check those).

For the boss, you only have to deal with this person for 6 weeks, right? So in that respect the problem solves itself. Beyond that, there is a great book called The Asshole Survival Guide, which sounds like a gag gift but is actually full of great advice. The thesis of the book is that "not giving a shit takes the wind out of an asshole's sails." When this person gets angry, if you calmly say, "You're right, my mistake" and don't get upset, it tends to be deflating to them and they drop it and move on.

Crucial Accountability is a solid recommendation as well. i don't know any manager that enjoy what i call difficult conversations, but this helps

https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Accountability-Resolving-Expectations-Commitments/dp/0071829318/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=55819426237&gclid=CjwKCAjwvsqZBhAlEiwAqAHElRbnSWmNf9_lOIDaPavDC3KPncwVW0l8gaJgl6eBu6LbmkiPzjPAahoCwmgQAvD_BwE&hvadid=2746...

I started to write a long TLDR; but then changed my mind.

Tribalism is strong.

All it takes is one bad seed (as you mentioned) for one tribe to lose trust with another. This exacerbates an already existing rivalry and results in written and unwritten rules to attempt to put the other tribe "in its place". Docs vs PAs/NPs, Docs vs Nurses, PAs vs NPs, Nurses vs Med Techs. Stressors, like an overburdened system, contribute to the problem.

We've come along way as PAs, but a few bad PAs on one side, and a few bad Docs on the other side create these waves that affect professions and teams negatively. This will probably never change.

How I survived: be the best team member I could be as a PA. Build trust as much as possible with those I work with. In my 42 years of medical service, the last 28 as a PA, I had just a few who didn't like me for some reason, but I managed to get through it. In most cases, I built a baseline of trust.

A good short book (easy read) that helped me navigate and explain a lot of the human behavior one has to deal with: Leadership and Self-Deception.

A short video series that's historically outdated but helped me understand tribalism is here.

I retired a year ago and don't miss any of this never-ending, resurfacing political mumbo jumbo.

But, I have faith that you youngin's and active mature leaders out there, along with our supporters, will continue to make the PA profession stronger.

I live in Utah and in my experience LDS here are terrible about handing conflict. We tend to avoid confronting each other assertively and openly, and instead fall into passive or passive aggressive ways (and so nothing gets resolved). We are so afraid of "contention" but don't realize that every relationship has natural conflict, by which I mean disagreements.

I found this excellent series of lectures on Audible about handling conflict. Everyone should learn this in school:

The Art of Conflict Management: Achieving Solutions for Life, Work, and Beyond, by Michael Dues, https://www.audible.com/library/titles?searchTerm=The+Art+of+Conflict+Management%3A+Achieving+Solutions+for+Life%2C+Work%2C+and+Beyond

He also recommends the following book:

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
by Roger Fisher and William L. Ury, https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without-ebook/dp/B0051SDM5Q/

Get HR and her boss involved immediately! Document every support interaction you might want to go as far as recording the support visits. Over the yeasts I’ve worked at horribly toxic places and amazing places and comes down to managements support is a-holes. If mgmt permits bad behavior it will persist, it doesn’t have to and it shouldn’t. Some of the best places to work have the no a-hole rule and it makes a big difference . https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854/ref=nodl_

Two things I'll just leave here:

https://www.freecodecamp.org/news/we-fired-our-top-talent-best-decision-we-ever-made-4c0a99728fde/

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854

I used to work for a bunch of assholes and experienced this same behavior. My line of work is relatively artistic, and both members of leadership would berate overworked staff in an open studio setting. It was a miserable, stressful, and scary work environment.

The firm I work for now has a No Asshole Policy and it's opened my eyes to how great a company can be. I have also realized that sometimes I'm the asshole and I'm working on that.

If you can't get out of that environment, I'd talk to your boss about addressing this lady head-on and maybe help her realize the toxic effect her behavior is having on the team. If there's a group of you, maybe you can approach this together so you're singled out as the trouble maker. Is there a possibility of maybe taking this to HR?

If all else fails, send her an anonymous copy of this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854

I've been reading Getting to YES and have begun disliking "compromise".

Not sure to what extent your perception colors your description of how they helped resolve disputes, but if it's anything like what I typically see everywhere, it's just making people make concessions that are probably nonsensical in their minds and the matter remains unresolved to some degree.

Leadership and Self-deception by the Arbinger Institute.

here

Most influential book of my career and everyone I've recommended it to. And it's in a fictional style so very easy to read.

“Getting To Yes” was a life changing book for me because it taught me that, for the most part, people don’t come to work to do a bad job.

When you think about it, everybody has a different reason why they come to work. Some want challenge. Some want status. Some want high pay. Some want to draw a paycheck and then go home and play video games.

Once you figure out what motivates people, you can tailor their work to what motivates them.

Then you stand back and watch them excel.

Link below: Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143118757/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_api_glt_fabc_23NES603HTAZ4TVY8E3R

Depends on the organization, but this sure happens a lot at toxic companies.

Luckily, not all companies are toxic. Some businesses actually took the book "The No Asshole Rule" to heart, but more really need to.

I reported and blocked this user. I have no assholes in my life.

Here is the book for future reference, "The No Asshole Rule": https://smile.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving-ebook/dp/B000OT8GV2/

Leadership and Self Deception is a great (and quick) read that will change how you approach relationships at work and elsewhere.

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box https://www.amazon.com/dp/1523097809/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_N2N332G3H61T237MFPN6

> Nope

I appreciate this kindness. It is unusual in a Christian sub.

> And even then, respect is a complicated thing. For example, I like martial arts, and I think some high level martial artists are total jerks and offensive but they're still worthy of respect for other reasons related to their craft.

For me, a person who is very skilled in their craft and a certified asshole is still a certified asshole. And I have no assholes in my life. Period. If you would like to understand why I feel this way, then I strongly urge you to read this very important book: https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving-ebook/dp/B000OT8GV2/

I have read many books. And if there is one, and only one book that I would ever recommend to anyone, for being the most important, life-changing book, then please read the book I linked (above). You will not regret it. You will find it eminently eye-opening and useful.

> I don't think this is true, simply because on a logical level, just because something isn't personal doesn't mean one doesn't get upset over it.

The usage you provided sounds like, "I know this hurts you, but it's not my fault, so please don't blame me." I think you're right about this one, and I think the one I provided is also true in some circumstances.

> If this is the case for you, then I totally agree that this sucks and you don't need to take it.

Then I hope you understand that I see "original sin" and "eternal conscious torture" as personal attacks, and that I don't have to take them. Instead, it means I lose respect for that Christian.

On a personal note, I really, really love your reply. You sound like a deep thinker, an intelligent person, and someone who cares deeply about other people in a caring way.

Couldn't agree more. I will admit that Mr. Toxic that I inherited turned out to be redeemable, but it never should have been my problem to fix in the first place.

Here's a book to believe in: The No Asshole Rule by Robert Sutton. The overall message: There is no value that toxic people bring to an organization that is worth more than the long term damage they do.

This is a pretty good book about this concept:
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757

NTA. That's some weird, controlling, emotionally abusive, messed-up shit. Your dad is an enormous asshole and your sister is, too, for going along with this cruel prank.

You are an adult. You don't have to answer them immediately every time they message. If it had been a day or something, I can see getting worried, but it was just a few hours. And they obviously knew you were OK since your sis could see you on Discord.

I'm a mom of young adults and teens. I totally understand worrying about your kids. My 18-y.o. lives with her BF and I love it when I hear from her every day, but you know what I think when I don't hear from her or when she doesn't text me back for a few hours? I think she's busy living her own life and she'll call me when she can.

I'd love to be able to say your dad isn't a controlling asshat, that he just loves you and worries about you. But I can't. This is so over- the-top and the prank they played so cruel, I'm ready to drive out to your dad's and yell at him, I'm so mad.

If you aren't already financially independent, please make plans to get that way soon. Then you'll be in a position to set and enforce boundaries about your family's abusive behavior. (Is like training a puppy; good behavior equals reward-- they don't get to talk to you unless they behave.)

In the meantime, you might get some value from a book called BIFF: Quick Responses To High-Conflict People . It's basically a primer on how to gray-rock-- deny abusive assholes the dramatic responses they feed on. Useful in all sorts of situations, but especially with a jerk like your dad.

<Hugs!>

> Guess I felt a comment like that deserves a equal response.

Probably what it deserves is to be downvoted and ignored. Shame and loneliness have a chance of changing behavior, while an attack on Internets really has no chance to (I mean, s/he started with "getting ready to be downvoted ...").

So best case you're feeding a troll and amplifying that voice, and worst case you allow a negative part of yourself to be on display. It's really lose/lose.

> Guess I felt a comment like that deserves a equal response.

May I recommend a book?

Here is another citation I recommend for you https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854

Your professionalism and responses in this thread I hope you're not teaching or practicing IOP.

I had something similar happen... I ended up leaving the job (wasn't going to get my contract renewed anyways), but did pick up this fun book:

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/dp/1328695913

Will, at the very least, give you some comfort that you're not alone

You could change your perspective to view the events as negotiation challenges, and try to find the way in which both parties can come away happy. If you make a hobby out of conflict resolution/negotiating it will allow you to pay attention to new aspects of the "conflicts" and make fear a completely irrelevant and unnecessary response. The book "Getting to Yes" might be a good starting point.

• Inspired: How to Create Products Customers Love by Marty Cagan
• The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz
• The Lean Startup by Eric Ries
• The Design of Everyday Things by Don Norman
• Don’t Make Me Think by Steve Krug
• <strong>Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In</strong> By Roger Fisher, William Ury, & Bruce Patton
• ProductHQ - PM Thought Leadership blog

piggybacking off the comment above, show him the 'BIFF' communication guidelines. It will help a lot. See this link for a book on the topic, or you can also google the quick guidelines.

This has all the earmarks of an application of certain business rules. I know of no rowing organizations that simply discriminate against women - or other people - because of who or what they are. However I know of many organizations and individuals who draw the line at individuals they simply don't get along with. https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-Civilized-Workplace-Surviving/dp/1600245854

>This person is known by all in the company as being someone to avoid at all costs.

Far be it from me to tell you how to manage your company, but I'm a fan of the no asshole rule myself.