"she's not going to change," always my favorite JustNo excuse. Must be nice to control the world and everyone in it so we all have to work around the MILs personality. ��
As a practical matter if she's not boundary stomping you to death, I'd keep trying to coexist. Though you might want to remind your DH that he married you when you have the quiet, reserved personality you have now - it's not like you sprung it on him after the fact. Did his attraction to you include the fact that you have a more restful personality than his family? And if so, why would he want you to change it?
ETA: Also, this book is excellent and very informative about introverts, I highly recommend it!
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004J4WNL2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9LI2CbQ1WKHWF
I'm not going to put details on the internet, but buy this book, read it, and understand that there are genuinely evil people in the world who will use these tactics against you: 48 Laws of Power. You cannot defend yourself against those people if you don't understand their tactics yourself.
Here's a summary of the laws: https://www.tke.org/files/file/The_48_Laws_of_Power.pdf
> Extreme Ownership.
This book is based on studies/evidence:
There is some sad truth behind your question: Our industry is based on gut feeling. We do tons of things, even after the evidence tells us that it does not work. Software estimation comes to mind.
Hi,
Maybe don’t try to explain your side right away. It’s been 20 years and all that he knows is from what your wife told him. He probably doesn’t want to hear your side and won’t believe it anyways. Maybe try to build a relationship with him prefacing that the history between you and his mother is a long one and one day soon you hope to tell him more.
Then do your best to get to know him for who he is. Offer to go to eat and play where he wants to. If he likes film, go to an exciting movie together. If he likes sports, play with him. He may continue to be sharp with you, but if that’s what it takes to build your relationship with your son, take the bullet. Give him time and understanding for all that has happened. It’ll be difficult for you, but I know you can do it.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is an excellent book that will help you create a relationship with your son. It’s a medium sized read, but has incredibly information. Highly actionable.
Here’s a synopsis of the book https://www.fs.blog/2012/07/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/
I hope this helps.
With love, Bill Dinh
I recommend this book/audiobook - “Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking” by Susan Cain. She was a lawyer herself and very much an introvert. Might be helpful to you, perhaps consider checking it out!
https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking-ebook/dp/B004J4WNL2
fellow introvert here! i highly recommend reading this book - i already knew i was an introvert when i read it, but there were sooooo many things discussed in the book that were mind blowing for me. it's really fascinating!
With regards to bugs, there are 3 types.
I recommend against story pointing anything except user stories. Ultimately what you want to forecast for planning is "amount of user value" (velocity). Teams naturally start estimating bugs or tasks, but all that overhead is actually already measured just by the user stories. If bugs and tasks take up more time, then the Velocity goes down. It is key here to measure output for the customer NOT amount of work done by the team.
ASIN (Amazon Standard Identification Number) is Amazon's ID of all product it sold including ebooks. You can see ASIN in the URL or in Product detail section on the Amazon store page.
For example, https://www.amazon.com/Steve-Jobs-Walter-Isaacson-ebook/dp/B004W2UBYW/ This book has ASIN of: B004W2UBYW
The e-book file from Amazon all have this ASIN embeded. It's use to identify books including downloading word wise, X-ray, syncing, and also for goodreads.
To add ASIN to books sourced elsewhere, in calibre you have to add mobi-asin:B004W2UBYW
in the ID field of the metadata. You also need to use Polish book to modify the metadata in the MOBI/AZW3 file itself. If you use KFX, re-convert after you add the ASIN.
After that, goodreads integration should work.
This is something of an oversimplification; in <u>Accelerate</u>, which goes into the DORA metrics more in depth, they go more into their methodology and explain how the metrics correlate with better business outcomes and higher employee satisfaction. (In other words, like any metrics, these can be gamed or can fail to take important measures into account - but there's also solid evidence and reasoning behind them, and they're not just measuring how easy the changes are.)
This guy needs to understand the "mirror principal" as outlined in the Jim Collins book Good to Great.
If he truly wants to lead, he must take ownership. This is a great book on the topic.
Speaking about your business/niche specifically, you will learn more through experience than you ever will through reading or watching YouTube or taking online courses.
That said, there are a lot of skills you need as a business owner that don't have anything to do with the product or service you are selling. The one thing most new entrepreneurs don't realize is that you won't actually be spending all that much of your time doing the technical aspects of your business - or at least you shouldn't. As a business owner you also have to do the legal parts (setting up the business entity, getting insurance, navigating hiring/firing employees, etc), financial parts (setting up bank accounts, bookkeeping, reviewing financial reports, etc), advertising & marketing, customer service, even cleaning the toilets.
If you really want to change your mindset and start thinking more like an entrepreneur and less like an employee, read The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber. On the financial side of things, read Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs.
Without knowing more about what type of business you want to start, I really can't offer much more advice than just get started.
Nope. The authors of the definitive study included that possibility in the study. https://www.amazon.com/Accelerate-Software-Performing-Technology-Organizations-ebook/dp/B07B9F83WM
Pre-existing teams which adopted a faster cadence of releases saw their number of features released go up and their number of defects (total and per release) go down.
Releasing faster means you release better software, on net.
You remind me of someone who is unwilling to take personal responsibility. You make extreme analogies regarding being forced to buy bread or go hungry... buddy you don't live in Soviet Russia.... This is America... people literally build boats of trash to leave their hellish situation to get to this place.
You state that you want to know a legal way of getting out of the agreement you freely made. That's a fine question, but you don't seem to be satisfied with any response. You seem to delight in arguing and debating, as if that will change your situation. It won't.
You also seem to enjoy taking the position of the oppressed, and victimized. Stop that. It won't help. You aren't a victim.
I read your profile. You make SUCH GOOD money, that you are no longer able to contribute to a ROTH IRA... Bro... you make more money than me, and many of the other posters in this thread. And yet you still are trying to figure out a way to weasel out of a freely entered into contract.... and now you are saying you are prepared to take a credit hit.
If you do take a credit hit, know this. It will not just hurt your credit, it will haunt you for at least the next 7 years. It will come up every time you try to move into a new place. Heck it is even starting to become a thing with employment. You don't want that. I don't want that for you, or the people you do business with.
Additionally, you are looking into buying a 4-plex. Brother, I wish you the best of luck with such endeavors. Once YOU have the problem of the Landlord, I do believe you will change your tone rather quickly. And I believe you'll be able to see things from an emotionally and financially different perspective.
Here is a book recommendation: Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink.
https://www.amazon.com/Extreme-Ownership-U-S-Navy-SEALs-ebook/dp/B0739PYQSS
Just for fun, how much responsibility (on average) do you take when your company, your country, your children, your friends, etc fuck up?
It's typical now to blame others and not take any responsibility. but guess what, if you are russian, your daily work via taxes is funding this war, it's russians attacking ukranians, I could go on and on, so of course you can frame it like "poor russians against the war, they cannot do anything", I say BS, they could have done a million things and they still can,
Here's a book for little bitches, idk, maybe it changes your perspective
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0739PYQSS/ref=dbs\_a\_def\_rwt\_bibl\_vppi\_i0
"Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" for kindle just went on sale today for $3 so I'm giving it a try. Will report back if it's any good. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B004J4WNL2/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_M63R514MEMG9A50M4FBR
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, old but good https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003WEAI4E/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_YKTKW9KMP8THCRHXRDWX
Stuff You Don't Learn in Engineering School: Skills for Success in the Real World by Carl Selinger https://www.amazon.com/dp/0471655767/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_JT5MTCPXJWFE0QWNMNDE
Read and understand these, and you'll be in a pretty good place to get started.
Anything by Don Norman for a good primer on solid fundamental design thought.
Making It by Chris Lefteri for a good primer on manufacturing processes.
The Managers Path is a great resource. It walks you from being an IC, a tech lead, EM, director, and a VP of engineering by describing the people responsibilities for each level and describes tools you can use to be effective at each.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP3GJ7F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_M1GQTXJHQ04HABWPT6RT
Best of luck on your journey!
Sounds bloody horrible!
I'm a "head of engineering" and i don't "order anybody around", and would be horrified of any of my leads or managers did that. Their job is to enable people, ensure they have what they need, are adequately trained and mentored... Not to boss them around!!
Have a read of this to see how a proper manager should behave
https://www.amazon.com.au/Managers-Path-Leaders-Navigating-Growth-ebook/dp/B06XP3GJ7F
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Start with the premise that everything is your fault, use hindsight to figure out what you should have done to prevent the bad situation, then change your current actions to prevent a similar situation from occurring in the future
You say that the relationship with management matters more than whatever other factors you think you are superior in? Good, now you know what to work on.'
Deal with the situation on the ground as it is, instead of whining about how you wish it was.
> (“Perfect is the enemy of good.”)
I have nothing to add, but it's interesting that this saying (with minor tweaks) can be used in both directions i.e., Good to Great
> Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that becomes great.
I found this to be an excellent overview about the key responsibilities, attitudes and strategies for dealing with the increasingly senior positions that you might hold in your career:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP3GJ7F/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
For me, the sections from tech lead onwards was critical in understanding not only my own role, but that of those above me from my manager right up to the CTO.
I'd recommend this book to everyone, and it's one of the few books that I can say has genuinely changed how I look at my career.
Manager's Path is a really good book about different levels of management, and Debugging Teams is a series of examples from the author's histories that can easily apply to your new position.
While its not exactly a singular person in the story, the book "From Good to Great" by Jim Collins analyzes companies over a span of 20-30 years that were considered the underdog in their field to becoming the flagship for their market.
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Great-Companies-Leap-Others-ebook/dp/B0058DRUV6
Try this test. That may tell you a great deal about yourself. It's based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, an early personality profiler based on Jungian theory.
And realize this: being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't like people or even that you're shy. It simply means that being around people tires you.
Another great resource: How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies. A classic book but absolutely gospel when it comes to dealing with others.
A lot of easy lessons to learn. You may find that it enables you to talk to people.
As an example, I'm INFP. But everyone at work loves me because I'm gentle, funny, and interested in them. They don't need to know how tired I am at the end of the day, often because of my interactions with them.
You can do this.
I always recommend the E-Myth Revisited. I think its critical to the proper mindset of being a business owner, but that's just me.
I am an introverted person, and have had the same concerns you've had throughout my life. I really recommend reading the book Quite, it helped me come to terms and build confidence in the way I naturally communicate.
You may also like these books on introverts:
Quiet
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004J4WNL2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Introvert Power
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BL5Q6DS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1