Read The Charisma Myth.
The equation that produces charisma is actually fairly simple. All you have to do is give the impression that you possess both high power and high warmth, since charismatic behaviors project a combination of these two qualities. “Fight or flight?” is the power question. “Friend or foe” is the warmth question.
To be charismatic doesn’t require that one be naturally outgoing, physically attractive, or need to change their personality.
Possible to be a charismatic introvert.
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:
Read this: https://www.amazon.com/INSPIRED-Create-Tech-Products-Customers-ebook/dp/B077NRB36N . This is the bible most (great) product teams follow in 2021 :-)
For the nervousness, I recommend reading The Charisma Myth and practicing the concepts every chance you get - merely studying it doesn't do much for you. This is harder to do at the moment, but I was single when I read it and consciously tried to apply it by going on a date or two per week. I'm strongly introverted, but also managed to build the nerve to approach and chat with random people in bars, usually getting into the grove with the most approachable guy I see then building momentum to talk with women who looked like they wouldn't be annoyed by strangers (not everyone there wants to find a date/hookup or even talk to people besides their friends)
That sounds like it's only dating advice, but it was a fantastic way to consistently practice soft skills that help you be less nervous during stressful conversations where the person may reject you while appearing more likable and confident. All of that applies to interviews.
Alternatively, you could do meeting-ups or do things like D&D with groups of strangers on discord; however, I found dating to be the most stressful thing that I could expose myself to frequently. As a side effect, I met my wife and my second life partner doing this, we're polyamorous, as well as a few friends.
Oh I have been here...sooooo many times. I've been married now for 25 years and it was decades of this pattern for us.
Eventually I realized that he has very little self-compassion. And I started focusing on that and thinking about how different I am in that way. I have a lot of self-compassion and can easily forgive myself when I screw up. He is more of a perfectionist overall, and he would rather avoid thinking about a mistake because it feels so bad for him. He doesn't have an internal voice that says "It's okay, you didn't mean to" or "It's okay, you'll learn from this and everyone makes mistakes".
Also, some people can get caught in a "win-lose" mindset during conflict. They feel like in any conflict, someone is at fault and must be blamed. My husband saw conflict this way, and used to always say to me: "You always have to win". He didn't believe me when I said I didn't care about "winning" and that there is no one to "blame" and I just want him to understand me, and to understand him.
When I spent a little more time getting inside his head, then I could see how painful this mindset must be. I was so tired of reassuring him when I was the one who was hurt, but now it's so much better.
Also got him a book called "I Hear You" because it teaches how to validate someone. It helps change his mindset from "I did something wrong, I am to blame" to him focusing on "I can make her feel better in this moment".
https://www.amazon.com/Hear-You-Surprisingly-Extraordinary-Relationships-ebook/dp/B071K4MWMK
I hope that helps
Cannabis.
I could not read Pete Walker without being stoned the first two times. Maybe a page sober, but probably not more than a few sentences.
Now I can. Heck, I got through The Black Swan sober and that is saying something!
Barriers to entry are there. But like a lot of boutiquey things, many people would like to run such a business and not strictly related to reasons linked to a good business plan.
May be easier to buy an existing firearms business rather than trying to start one.
This may be useful to you:
https://www.amazon.ca/HBR-Guide-Buying-Small-Business-ebook/dp/B01KP33K4Y
Yeah, I mean it sounds like she's just not a great listener.
My wife is similar, she tries but ultimately when I vent my serious problems to her a lot of times I just feel worse after so I find other ways to cope. So generally I stick to just telling her about work drama or simple things so she can hear about my day.
You might talk to your wife about reflective listening.
There's also a great book called <em>I hear You</em> that might be helpful for her.
Speaking about your business/niche specifically, you will learn more through experience than you ever will through reading or watching YouTube or taking online courses.
That said, there are a lot of skills you need as a business owner that don't have anything to do with the product or service you are selling. The one thing most new entrepreneurs don't realize is that you won't actually be spending all that much of your time doing the technical aspects of your business - or at least you shouldn't. As a business owner you also have to do the legal parts (setting up the business entity, getting insurance, navigating hiring/firing employees, etc), financial parts (setting up bank accounts, bookkeeping, reviewing financial reports, etc), advertising & marketing, customer service, even cleaning the toilets.
If you really want to change your mindset and start thinking more like an entrepreneur and less like an employee, read The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber. On the financial side of things, read Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs.
Without knowing more about what type of business you want to start, I really can't offer much more advice than just get started.
There is a lot of good advice here. Consider reading this book as well:
HBR Guide to Buying a Small Business: Think Big, Buy Small, Own Your Own Company (HBR Guide Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KP33K4Y/
Also consider that there are other opportunities out there. Maybe the best thing you can do is to just spend the time vetting this deal and understanding the risks and upsides, well eventually walking away. There are plenty of other businesses in a similar position, so it's hard to imagine that the very first one you are considering buying is the right one for you.
It's true they do wallow, but it is also true they are not ready to hear what you want to tell them and it's not likely to help them.
There's an excellent book about this called <em>I Hear You</em>, but the TL;DR is often the most efficient way to help someone work through an emotion is to validate it.
That doesn't mean you just blindly tell them everything they feel and think is correct, it means you acknowledge their hurt comes from something real.
> She will get her own medicine.
Not really. Most LL partners don't use sex-esteem for validation. She's much more likely to feel smug (that you're so desperate that you're rejecting the sex she knows you want) and angry (that you're trying to make her feel bad). That's a healthy cocktail of empowerment and self aggrandizement you're giving her. I'm guessing that that doesn't line up with what you intended to communicate by rejecting her.
If you really want to get even with her, why not do something invalidating instead? Just do the opposite of what the book in the link says. Then she'll actually feel bad the way that you do, which sounds like your goal here. Align your actions with your goal.
For the record, I think that's a terrible goal. But if you're going to go for it, might as well do it right.
That's great feedback! It's logical and is something concrete you can work on.
Check out this book I found helpful a while back. Especially the part about warmth.
The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Nudge by Richard Thaler
> My reaction to other people sharing the mundane probably stems to others not listening to MY mundane probably, but even acknowledging that fact still doesnt really make me want to listen to the mundane.
I suspect you have this backwards, or perhaps you learned this at a young age or something.
Either way, listening to other people isn't really about what they did, it's about validating they had a human experience.
Also, these events allow you to learn about who they are and their patterns of thinking from these specific examples of what they did and what they think about it.
<em>I Hear You</em> by Michael S. Sorensen is an excellent book on the topic of listening to people and forming good relationships with them even when you are perhaps not interested in the same things they are.
Its not clear to me if you just want to do an experiment and have fun or you really want to make a successfull app/business.
If it is the latter, Eric Ries "Lean Startup" was an eye opening for me and the development of my product. Stop what you are doing and go to read that book first, or at least watch some of his talks.
I frequently recommend the (very short and super concise) book "I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships" because I struggle A LOT with it... Not empathy, but an urge I call "helpful not helpful" where my anxiety wants to help the other person solve problems rather than empathetically sitting in the discomfort and making the other person feel SEEN. The book laid it out in a way where I recognize how valuable the option of simple validation is so in my mind it's just as valuable and probably more helpful than trying to solve anything.
I recommend to you The Phoenix Project, a book that's written about IT but as a "thriller" novel if you can believe that lol. It's an informative read (or listen if you do the audio book) about that aspect of a business. Many older ones don't think they are a tech company when they in fact are one and are losing ground as a consequence of not seeing it from that perspective (i.e., seeing IT as a "cost center" when your business can't survive without it and you can't ship new ideas and products without developing code is an old school mentality holding many back).
Tbh Fiverr wouldn't be where I start looking for tech talent. Try Indeed, pony up the registration fees and use Indeed Prime. Don't get overly fixated on "tech interviews" of candidates especially if your business has nothing to do with inverting a binary tree type of nonsense.
There are A developers - you won't get those, they go to FAANG+M. B developers go to top start-ups and other big notable but non-FAANG+M companies. C developers work for huge corporates that think they are non tech but are really tech (think Home Depot, Walmart, etc).
You are looking for a B developer to drive this full time and maybe a C developer to grind out some work to free up the other guy to innovate and lead.
This is not strictly stoicism, but I do understand where you're coming from as I've dealt with this myself.
A book you might find helpful is <em>I Hear You</em>.
An exercise that has been helpful for me is to really notice other people as I go through my day.
Look at a person and realize that person has had as much, if not far more experience in life than you and that person knows many things you do not. Everything you have done, they have done too and then some, in their own way. They have a story to tell you.
For example when I drive I see the other cars and realize in each one is at least one person who has thoughts, feelings and a history at least as deep - probably far deeper - than my own.
When you see every life as equally autonomous, insightful and valuable as your own and realize each person has a lesson to teach you, it becomes easier to empathize with them and not view them as objects to be manipulated.
The Managers Path is a great resource. It walks you from being an IC, a tech lead, EM, director, and a VP of engineering by describing the people responsibilities for each level and describes tools you can use to be effective at each.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP3GJ7F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_M1GQTXJHQ04HABWPT6RT
Best of luck on your journey!
Sounds bloody horrible!
I'm a "head of engineering" and i don't "order anybody around", and would be horrified of any of my leads or managers did that. Their job is to enable people, ensure they have what they need, are adequately trained and mentored... Not to boss them around!!
Have a read of this to see how a proper manager should behave
https://www.amazon.com.au/Managers-Path-Leaders-Navigating-Growth-ebook/dp/B06XP3GJ7F
Check out Lean Startup
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004J4XGN6/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Super helpful book that breaks it down. I think you can get it for free on Academia.
Thanks! I'll check it out.
Right now the business is going alright. It's been a side hussle and brings in around 3-5k a month, but only leaves me a paycheck of around 750-1,250/month.
Honestly the only thing holding us back is production size and logistics. Thing is I need to buy a bigger local and get it certified, which costs more mullah that I could possibly save in the short term. . .
How many businesses generating 0.5-1.5M in annual FCF have you looked at already?
From this post, my guess is zero.
Buying an existing business is a huge topic that requires a lot of unpacking.
Start by reading the HBR Guide to Buying a Small Business.
It will frame many of the key pros and cons, as well as give you lots of direction on next steps and clarify many of the early questions you have.
Good luck!
> (“Perfect is the enemy of good.”)
I have nothing to add, but it's interesting that this saying (with minor tweaks) can be used in both directions i.e., Good to Great
> Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that becomes great.
I found this to be an excellent overview about the key responsibilities, attitudes and strategies for dealing with the increasingly senior positions that you might hold in your career:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XP3GJ7F/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
For me, the sections from tech lead onwards was critical in understanding not only my own role, but that of those above me from my manager right up to the CTO.
I'd recommend this book to everyone, and it's one of the few books that I can say has genuinely changed how I look at my career.
Manager's Path is a really good book about different levels of management, and Debugging Teams is a series of examples from the author's histories that can easily apply to your new position.
While its not exactly a singular person in the story, the book "From Good to Great" by Jim Collins analyzes companies over a span of 20-30 years that were considered the underdog in their field to becoming the flagship for their market.
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Great-Companies-Leap-Others-ebook/dp/B0058DRUV6