The best
Children's Abuse Books:
Reddit reviews
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
The best of Children's Abuse Books by number of unique Reddit comments:
Top Reddit reviews mentioning Children's Abuse Books:
Don't do anything investigatory. Nothing that could make someone accuse you of putting words in her mouth.
I would read a book like this with her (esp. the part about some secrets shouldn't be kept) and then brainstorm a list of trusted adults with her that she could tell if anyone ever violated her boundaries, and make sure she knows you are available. Teachers, Dad, school counselor, etc. Also mention that if a kid tells someone and the grownup doesn't do anything, or shuts her down, tell someone else. (Grownups sometimes don't know what to do, but most do, make it about a grownup making a mistake, in case she has told mom and mom rejected.) Don't push- she might need to work up courage or process new info if someone has been grooming her.
​
Dad could do this, too.
I'm sorry that he was such a jerk about it. As punishment, have him change the bathroom garbage that week. Also, maybe get your daughter The Period Book and have him read the section(s) on periods so he'll have an idea of how to be more conpassionate in the future.
I was really young, and my parents read my diary (!!) and found that I was writing all sorts of odd theories about what sex was that I had heard from peers. (for example, the boy kicks the girl between the legs, the boy kisses the girl's poop, etc.) I was probably 9 years old. So my parents decided to buy me this book: https://www.amazon.com/Asking-About-Growing-Question-Answer/dp/0061429864
My mom read it to me cover to cover and I'm glad she did because after that I knew the truth about sex, puberty, etc. and could no longer be fooled by my confused peers.
I’ve seen this book recommended in a few similar threads. I haven’t bought it for my son yet, but it’s in our wishlist...
My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626363455/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0y.yAb35HQ6D1
We have used this book as a good starting point for a lot of discussions!
Super Duper Safety School: Safety Rules For Kids & Grown-Ups! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984747214/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-e4aBbXXWYB3S
I am glad and appalled that this book exists: I Said No! A Kid-to-kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private
We use Super Duper Safety School
For parents, there is Protecting the Gift
There are tons of excellent consent-themed books for kids from babyhood through adolescence that address these issues. Here's an example (I haven't read this so can't vouch for it, but there are tons like this, just go to a local bookstore and browse, woke kids' books are all the rage today) https://www.amazon.com/Consent-Kids-Boundaries-Respect-Charge/dp/0316457736. Similarly, there is YouTube content with age appropriate lessons for kids. These types of resources are great jumping off points for conversation with the kids to further understanding.
I just bought the updated version of that book for my kid! Super psyched for it to get here.
It's from "What's Happening To Me?"
My parents gave me this book when I was about 11, and even at that age I knew this was a piece of advice which would get the shit kicked out of you if you followed it. I kept well away from looking at peni until I first saw a porno a couple of years later. Luckily, I had this book so I knew what was happening...
Books on girls bodies & understanding changes. I'm sure there will be much more options by the time she gets there. The Period Book: A Girl's Guide... https://www.amazon.com/dp/161963662X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
It should be noted there's a third book in this series for older kids.
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, Gender, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1536207217/
I haven't read these, but I'll check them out. I linked a different set of books by another author in my other comment.
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, Gender, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1536207217/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_53BHPA8XHC812AFSQ9NC
Says 9-11 year olds here
I think maybe teaching your kids about their bodies without asking such specific/leading questions will help you feel less anxious and will also give your kids the language they need to ask for help. My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes is a great book and it has a section for parents to read. It’s interactive and your kids can practise yelling the responses which makes it fun and gives them more power.
You might check out the book Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of YOU. Great conversation starter for these kinds of issues.
Hijacking top comment to share a book I got for my niblings for Christmas: Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of You) by Rachel Brian. It's by the same person who made the Tea and Consent video (not for kids). The book did a great job talking about both asserting your own boundaries and getting consent from others in an age-appropriate way.
NTA My brother had to be (re)taught how to use deodorant in college. He’d been using it for years but either used it wrong or put it on his clothes and not in his pits? Dunno. I was baffled when he yelled at me for not showing him properly in the first place. I figured my parents had?
Sometimes we all need to just overly show and explain things.
Also the flashing is no worse than him seeing you in a bathing suit.
Your mom either needs to better explain or he needs books on puberty that explain everything. I had this book when I was younger and some of the advice might be outdated but find it or a similar book that’s got a lot of illustrations and it should help your brother understand in an age appropriate way that shouldn’t set your mom off too much. "What's Happening to Me?" The Classic Illustrated Children's Book on Puberty https://www.amazon.com/dp/0818403128/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_JSQSFBFDJRX9QYKN2JJH
Your mother’s attitude is why he was so ignorant. If you can, please take over (probably stealthily) his sex Ed. At least, get him the right books, and point him to the right websites and try to help him learn how to avoid misinformation.
I recommend the book “It’s Perfectly Normal”. It’s not expensive and very, very good. Maybe buy it for yourself, keep it in your room, and tell your brother he can check it out, or something. Whatever works in your house.
I hate telling you to go behind your mother’s back, but the world is better when kids get taught properly.
I am a strong believer in early sex education/body safety. Kids should learn proper names for body parts, 'red flag' behavior from grown-ups, and that they can always say no to touches they don't want.
"I Said No!" and "It's not the Stork" are my favorite books for teaching young children about safe touches and boundaries. Nanny cams are very cheap and easy to use nowadays, and can give a little extra peace of mind.
> you can never truely trust anyone, not even those closest to you
PTSD sucks. Letting your guard down for your own safety is hard enough, but imagining something happening to your kids is enough to bring on a panic attack. Don't try to force yourself to move out of your comfort zone and get a babysitter, but likewise don't feel like you have to be 100% committed to never leaving your kids with someone. Take it a day at a time and if at some point you think you could consider a friend/family member/well-recommended babysitter then figure out what the boundaries would look like and what they would have to agree to. People have very different opinions about child behavior, and one person's discipline is another's emotional abuse. You can spell out stuff like no yelling ever and specific discipline strategies to use and a good babysitter will respect that.
First - your sister is so lucky to have such a wonderful & thoughtful big sister! Nine is not too soon a all! A 9 year old girl may have already started puberty, and it's not unheard of for a 9 year old to start menstruating. If a girl has started her period, she can get pregnant. As unlikely as that is to happen, it's best to be prepared with facts! And knowledge about the changes her body is or will be going through soon. Can you imagine how terrifying it might be if a young girl started her period & had no idea what it was or why it was happening? While most kids this age are not yet thinking about sex, most have heard stories 'on the playground' that may be wildly inaccurate. If you're uncomfortable talking about it or unsure where to start, there are lots of books about puberty and sex that are made specifically for girls her age. Like this book - The Period Book: A Girl's Guide to Growing Up. You can read it together & then answer any questions she has as they come up.
Build a small shelf in the household that your children have open access to. A few books for variety, but ones that normalize nudity and have good information about the body and sex.
For a 10 year old I'd recommend giving him this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/1536207217/
NTA. Your niece needs someone in her life to teach her things things. It's obvious her mother won't do it.
My 9 year old has been very curious about getting her period. Her mom and I got her a book so she could do some research on her own. She's read it three times already and often asks us loads of questions about what she reads. Maybe you could suggest this book to your sister so your niece can get some questions answered without her mom having to face an uncomfortable conversation (god forgid /s)
Thank you! Good job on talking to your siblings with respect and modeling that for them. We are big on discussing consent, and I agree its the place to start - knowing that your body + your boundaries are valued and respected. Our family therapist also suggested this book: Consent for Kids (my kids are bit older) https://www.amazon.com/Consent-Kids-Boundaries-Respect-Charge/dp/0316457736
When I was 8 my mother made me read this book written and illustrated by 2 men in the 70s. They depicted square boobs and lots of weird stuff. I was so confused. There was even a drawn blonde woman naked with the caption "See, you can be a blonde and brunette at the same time!" Needless to say I was scarred. My mother thought it was funny. I thought the whole thing was cringey and her "sex talks" just became increasingly worse the older I got.
I got this book for my nephew a while back. He's 3 now and recently I came to hug him and he said "No! You can't hug me unless I say it's ok! My body belongs to me!" It was really good to see that the message stuck.
https://www.amazon.com/My-Body-Belongs-Head-Toes/dp/1626363455
It's beautiful, except the line "For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake." This kind of doom & gloom wears me out. It's not nearly a 1:1 ratio of loved vs abused. And while no parent should expose their child to the unfiltered evil of our world, equipping them with tools to say NO is vital.
This wasn't brought up when you covered sex ed? Or when she had sex ed in school? If not, I'd get her this sex ed book for grades 3-6: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061429864/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_4GOCFb7JHCX63
She may prefer tampons right off the bat - I did, both because I hated the diaper feel of pads, and also so I could swim still. I would give her the option for sure. There are so many good products out there now: thinner pads, more comfortable tampons, diva cups, period underwear... and the period tracker you already got her is great! That is so helpful! I would let her know that if she does get a leak its not the end of the world - it happens to all of us. Just use cold water or peroxide and you can usually get it out, nbd. (Maybe make sure she has peroxide in the bathroom available for such an incident? ) Make sure she has a spare set of clean sheets readily available in case of a middle of the night leak. A heating pad or hot water bottle is always nice!! There are a ton of good period books out there - it might be nice for her to have a resource if she's too shy to ask you something (The Period Book: A Girl's Guide to Growing Up https://smile.amazon.com/dp/161963662X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_uKPrFb6MBEKAP). Last but not least, let other adults in the house know - not to embarrass her, but so they can be helpful and not upset/ surprised if she needs something. [My dad did not handle my first few periods well, but most other adults reassured me that accidents happen, we can wash whatever, and theyd be happy to get me whatever new/more supplies I needed.] Sorry for the ramble! Best of luck to you and your daughter ❤
NTA.
This is a good book to reinforce this. I read it with my 3 yo daughter.
Your Body Belongs to You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807594733?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
It’s not perfect, but it’s a good early introduction. I do add clarifications about examples and include specific body parts when I read it.
A good way to talk to kids about this is using the term "tricky people." There are a few articles about it if you google it. I also got a book that my 2.5 and 4 year old enjoy (it is a little wordy) Super Duper Safety school