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Children's Self-Esteem Books:
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I highly recommend It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity. It’s written for about that age, but I think it’s great for anyone.
Oooh Madeleine! Free-thinking girl.
Or this book, which tells children that labels are silly, and it's about who they are inside: Red: A Crayon's Story https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062252070/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_JVCcCbXANDCVW
I'm an atheist dad. Let me start by saying that I don’t know too many atheists who are concerned that their kids don’t believe in god. Most of us are way more concerned about teaching them how to think, not what to think. When our son was your son’s age, we gave him children’s books that taught critical thinking. Stuff like Dan Barker’s Maybe Yes, Maybe No.
That said, there are some religious beliefs that are directly harmful, and need to be addressed immediately. In my son’s case it was the fear of hell. He had some friends that were being raised in Cristian homes. So, of course, he was exposed to Christian concepts. He knew (as well as a ten-year-old can) that we were committed to raising him to arrive at his own beliefs. But he was genuinely scared. I thought it was important to show him that his fears of hell were unfounded. I asked him if he was scared of the Islamic hell. He said no. I asked him if he was worried that he might get reincarnated as a bug after he died (many of his friends are Hindu). He chuckled and said no. After a bit he got it.
Hello!
My wife and I have a young daughter, and we discussed how to approach this with her. We talked to our therapists and they gave us some book recommendations to read with them, as well as pointing out that kids, especially young ones, are fine with it, as long as you're honest and direct.
These are the books we gave to our daughter:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250302951 It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity [Thorn, Theresa, Grigni, Noah] not sure it's the best, but it gave her the terminology to work with. Not much of a story - it's mostly "here's X. They do X. Their identity is X.". But she really liked it and read it a bunch.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0593121961 The World Needs More Purple People [Bell, Kristen, Hart, Benjamin, Wiseman, Daniel] which is a much more nuanced take, focused on the idea that you should be a good person in your life, open and understanding.
As far as talking to our daughter - honestly, I just approached it very straight forward, with my wife helping. We explained that daddy always felt like a girl, and that she's going to start changing her body to match how her mind works. Just the very basics of identity, and what's expected of her (so what name and pronouns to use). And then let her consider it for a bit, and ask whatever questions she wanted to ask. That was a big one to help settle her into this.
It's also important to understand young children have no filter. Expect them to out their trans parent to friends, family, strangers, schoolmates, etc. Be prepared for it. It's best not to try to drill that this is a big secret, because then it gets them in a bit of a shame/fear loop if they make a mistake.
I don't know if it helps but there's an amazing children's book on gender identity that comes with a glossary of resources in the back. Here is the link: https://www.amazon.com/Feels-Good-Be-Yourself-Identity/dp/1250302951/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=it+feels+good+to+be+yourself&qid=1625104475&sprefix=it+feel&sr=8-1
Think they might be trans? If they're frustrated that their body isn't how they want it to be, might be worth chatting about gender identity :)
This is a really cute book about gender identity that would be perfect for a 7 year old.
I guess you’ve probably already seen this but in case you haven’t
https://www.amazon.co.uk/All-Cats-Are-Autism-Spectrum/dp/1787754715
You don’t say how old your son is, that might change what’s useful for him.
ETA: I self identify as autistic and have read the updated version of this book and found it to be generally quite good. I haven’t tried using it with my kids yet to explain it to them but my oldest is only 5 (though I suspect is also autistic).
Oof, I hear you about the categories phase. I don't have kids of my own but I teach young kids!
I do have a great picture book rec: It Feels Good to be Yourself by Theresa Thorn includes pages and pages of (named!) characters with a wide range of gender identities, pronouns, and presentations. There's something really powerful about being able to point to a character and go, "you know JJ on page 13 who isn't a boy or a girl? I'm like them!" Something about rooting new ideas in recognizable characters really sticks with young kids (just look at the Mo Willems books or Daniel Tiger or whatever it is these days...) This book is the most clear, inclusive (though of course a little simplified) all-levels-accessible, and lovingly-illustrated one I've come across yet, and I've dug through a LOT of gender-affirming kid lit! I could definitely see it being a successful read-together with a kindergartner. Good luck!
Where did they get the idea to touch you in these ways? Seems like very odd behavior for kids to just randomly start one day. I would be concerned about where this is coming from, whether someone else has touched them in similar ways. Have you asked them about where they learned to do this?
In terms of addressing the behavior itself - how do you respond, beyond just telling them to stop? There should absolutely be consequences for touching your body without consent, like any other inappropriate behavior. Being separated from you, such as being sent to their rooms until they can behave appropriately, would be a logical consequence. But beyond that, they also need a serious talking to about how this is not funny, this is not acceptable, and if anyone ever touches them in similar ways they need to let a trusted adult know ASAP. Seconding the recommendation of the book Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect, and also suggest checking out Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of YOU. If you haven't already had conversations with them about consent and boundaries, that needs to start ASAP.
Hahahahahahaha my only relevant search result was this - needless to say it’s now in my cart 😂
I used <u>Red: A Crayon's Story</u> when explaining myself to my kids. It's great for younger children, but an 8-year-old should still find it enjoyable. Plot spoiler: a blue crayon comes mislabelled as red, and is encouraged by everyone to try to draw red things, with laughable results. Finally discovers that drawing blue things actually works, despite the label.
Also check out the Customers who bought this item also bought… section on Amazon.
Walter the Farting Dog by William Kotzwinkle is a series. He goes to the beach and on a cruise and to other places. Here's a few. https://www.thriftbooks.com/series/walter-the-farting-dog/37315/ https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1583940537/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_XP51AZNS6G2CMXX619QS
There’s a great children’s book out there: Have You Filled a Bucket Today? It should be required reading for kids. And it helps explain how to make the world abetter place a la karma.
The book Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect is excellent at explaining this to children. Highly recommend.
Just as an aside ... don't know if you have seen it .. there is a book called Red: A Crayon's Story that many children and also adults love. It can also help children understand, and it can motivate them to listen to what they feel would make them happy.
Get books then and read them together. The ones in our sidebar are pretty good and the best part is Amazon has a little carousel of related books so you can quite easily end up finding a whole shelf full of potential content.
One particularly good book to promote skepticism is Maybe Yes, Maybe No: A Guide for Young Skeptics
There is also the Awkward Moments Children's Bible, Vol. 1
Which says it isn't for children and I'm going to hee and haw about that as I feel the Bible itself is inappropriate for Children and I further feel it is dishonest that many children's Bible's gloss over some bad parts. If you get it maybe read over it yourself before deciding if it's appropriate, I'd definitely give it to a teenager without reservation but younger children it depends on how mature they are and what you want them exposed to.
Anyways best of luck!
Take a look at the children's book named "Red, a Crayon's Story". It's one of my toddler's favorite books, and I personally love the message. It's about a blue crayon that has been labelled red. Here's a link to the book on Amazon: https://smile.amazon.com/Red-Crayons-Story-Michael-Hall/dp/0062252070
"Red: A Crayon's Story" is a great book, but in my experience the metaphor often seems to go over kids' heads. There aren't many children's books out there that specifically address being trans (as opposed to gender non-conforming), but "Introducing Teddy" and "Jack Not Jackie" are pretty good, as well as the autobiographical "I Am Jazz". There's another book coming out in about a month that looks awesome from the amazon preview, called It Feels Good to Be Yourself, so I would definitely pre-order that one!
my son is 4 too, we have a book called “Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect”. we’ve had it for almost 2 years now and read it to him regularly when he’s having issues with this kind of thing. bonus: it’s also taught him how to speak up for himself when someone isn’t respecting his boundaries. it has several examples and scenarios in the book and it’s simple language. my son has really connected with it. you might give it a shot?
https://www.amazon.com/Lets-About-Boundaries-Consent-Respect/dp/1925089185
I love cats and can't imagine my life without them. My therapist recommended a book I haven't gotten yet (hoping to get it for Christmas). It's called "All Cats are on the Autism Spectrum."
I haven't needed such a resource, because I'm an adult, but I always thought this book might be useful: https://www.amazon.ca/Maybe-Yes-No-Guide-Skeptics/dp/0879756071/ref=sr_1_1?crid=308T5KHWESGZ9&keywords=maybe+yes+maybe+no&qid=1668334470&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=maybe%2520yes%2520mayb...
Nice, Candy is good! I wish i could eat more candy but i have to sleep and be a adult to be able to work tomorow. Else i would eat candy all night 😻me eating human candy and feed my cat, cat candy. Back to what i wrote, I think of dogs as non-autistic and cats as autistic because of this book
There’s a children's book called Feels Good to be Yourself’. I haven’t read it but it has good reviews. It would be a good place to start some conversations.
https://www.amazon.com/Feels-Good-Be-Yourself-Identity/dp/1250302951
You should read 'All Cats Are on the Autism Spectrum' by Kathy Hoopman, it's quite cute.
There is a book called "All Cats are on the Spectrum"
It's a lighthearted book to inform about autism. I should realllyyyy get it since my special interest are cats.
no! its on amazon here
Personally for me , the other version (all cats have Asperger's) ; it's kinda dumb cause I was 16 when I was diagnosed but it really helped me understand why I always felt kinda odd and it helped with why I didn't think like everyone else.
Also I've been told that all dogs do indeed have ADHD.
Cats, because my parents literally introduced my diagnosis to me through the book All cats have Asperger Syndrome by Kathy Hoopmann.
The book is now rebranded as All cats are on the autism spectrum.
That's right.
Instead she kept it at a grade appropriate level rather than using complex terms like "masculine".
And she did it in response to a child being bullied for not conforming to gender norms. So she read a book aimed at grade ones before watching a video on pronouns and admitting the existence of gender affirmation surgery.
Which prompted a little girl to go home and say that she was going *gasp* "just own a dog and not be a mommy when she grew up."
> I am just not sure the best way to go about any of this.
Be honest, and teach critical thinking, and the rest will take care of itself. there a bunch of good books that are age-appropriate. Maybe Yes, Maybe No: A Guide for Young Skeptics is a good example.