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Adding in, a great book for young children is It's not the stork. It talks about everything from anatomy to where babies come from in an age appropriate manner. It also has sections on ok and not OK touch, how to say no, and what to do if something happens.
One passage in particular hit me hard, saying essentially "if you tell and adult in your life and they don't believe or help you, keep telling other adults such as a teacher, doctor, or police. Most adults want to help.". It broke my heart to think of kids who report and aren't believed :-(
This is really important! Child sexual abuse numbers are still way too high. Teaching your kids the correct terms for their body is a way to prevent it as predators/abusers typically use pet names. Teach your child if this happens to come to you immediately. As for how to approach it, I know some people that use the book “It’s so amazing” with their nine year old. It is very detailed about both male and female bodies, reproduction, pregnancy, and birth. But, it also keeps it age appropriate so the kid doesn’t become uncomfortable. They make a younger and an older version too so it gets more detailed as it goes on. Talking about sex and the education behind it is so important. A lot of TED talks explain how to go about this well and I’ve found them really helpful. A lot of sex education comes from home and school. School information can sometimes show that sex is shameful, when it shouldn’t be! We need to teach our kids that from a young age. I know talking about it all is super awkward and weird, but if you don’t, google will(imagine a young girl typing in girl body or teen sex). Talking about it is hard, but maybe reading it is easier. I’ll attach the link for the book, and hopefully it helps! Good luck and you’ve got this! https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=E8XDFE84ABZKP9R4N61N&dpID=512fzB-d8ZL&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=detail
As the mom of 11 & 13 year old daughters I want to recommend some books - It's So Amazing! (for ages 7-10) and It's Perfectly Normal (for ages 10+). I grew up in a house where my mom didn't talk about anything, though I was vaguely aware of menstruation. The only education I got about it was from the school's maturation program. I wrote my mom a note when I started my period because I couldn't voice it, and thankfully had stuff from the school to use because she hadn't bought me any.
I didn't try and hide anything from my girls (and I later learned they thought my pads were "mama diapers" but didn't understand why I needed them), but it was hard to overcome the shame of actually talking about it. I bought those books read them myself and then put them in a place accessible to them and said "hey I found these cool books that teach you all about your body. Read them if you want to, and if you want to talk about anything let me know." And maybe pointed out a section that was a little lighter, like one of the cartoons with the bird and bee talking about body hair.
As they've actually reached puberty I've made efforts to talk about my own experience and normalize it being ok to talk about. "oh man my cramps are bad today" or "I need to buy more pads" Obviously you can't do that, but finding ways to make it a safe and open thing to discuss in your house even with brothers who can't relate, will help her feel comfortable and not ashamed.
For how to approach it, I know some people that use the book “It’s so amazing” with their nine year olds. It is very detailed about both male and female bodies, reproduction, pregnancy, birth, etc. But, it also keeps it age appropriate so the kid doesn’t become uncomfortable. They make a younger and an older version too so it gets more detailed as it goes on. A lot of TED talks explain how to go about this well and I’ve found them really helpful. Talking about it is hard, but maybe reading about it will be easier. I’ll attach the link for the book, and hopefully it helps! Tell him I said good luck and you’ve got this! https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=E8XDFE84ABZKP9R4N61N&dpID=512fzB-d8ZL&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40&dpSrc=detail
I strongly recommend you send her a copy of "It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie H. Harris.
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> The definitive book about puberty and sexual health for today’s kids and teens, now fully updated for its twentieth anniversary.
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>For two decades, this universally acclaimed book on sexuality has been the most trusted and accessible resource for kids, parents, teachers, librarians, and anyone else who cares about the well-being of tweens and teens. Now, in honor of its anniversary, It’s Perfectly Normal has been updated with information on subjects such as safe and savvy Internet use, gender identity, emergency contraception, and more. Providing accurate and up-to-date answers to nearly every imaginable question, from conception and puberty to birth control and STDs, It’s Perfectly Normal offers young people the information they need—now more than ever—to make responsible decisions and stay healthy.
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The book title is "It's Perfectly Normal". I had never heard of it so I Googled it. It's sold by all major stores, including Target, Walmart, and Amazon.
It has a rating of 4 1/2 stars with 2,480 ratings, so it can't be too bad.
If you want to laugh, go look at the 1-star rating reviews. Lots of Karens are outraged. It's hilarious.
I guess they want their kids to learn about sex the old fashioned way... by secretly watching porn.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729
WTF are you on about? Any age is appropriate for teaching children how the human body works. Any time kids have questions they should be answered truthfully and in an age appropriate manner.
Here’s a link: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
There are age appropriate ways for kids to learn this stuff. The first thing I always do when I'm caught off guard is to ask, "How do you think you were made?" I just turn it around to see where they are at...and why they might be asking. (Obviously this is a comedy thing played for the laugh, but you wouldn't believe how similar some other stories of 'my kid asked' are to this exact thing.)
A book like this: It's Not the Stork! would also help with future explanations.
I understand, and I didn't mean to sound callous. I just did some digging on Amazon, and by all accounts, this book is a must-have for teens. It covers sex, consent, and relationships for everyone - male, female, cis, LGBTQ+, etc. You might even be interested enough to read it yourself! ☺
S.E.X., second edition: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties https://www.amazon.com/dp/0738218847/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-s-MCbXCR3K84
I also highly recommend It's not the Stork. It is a basic into to sex book that explains everything at a 3-6 year old level.
It includes basic anatomy, proper names for parts, how babies are made, and safety. It talks about how families come in all shapes and sizes, and much more.
I also recommend the other books, It's So Amazing for 7 year olds to puberty and "It's Perfectly Normal" for puberty age kids.
My daughter loves the book and it still catches me a bit off guard when she picks it for bedtime stories (we'll just do a chapter or two). Oh great, impromptu sex talk tonight I see. I do my best to make it no big deal.
Agree! My family had the classic children's book <em>Where Did I Come From?</em> around the house when I was a kid, which I think was good.
But my parents were very late in talking to me about puberty stuff. When I was 12 or 13 in the 1990s, I clearly remember them sheepishly handing me some cringeworthy book with literal 70s teenagers in flares rollerskating on the cover. I already knew so much by then so the book was never opened.
No reason to lie, and absolutely fine and NORMAL to talk about sex and where babies come from even with young children. They are curious, and don't need detailed examples, but they also shouldn't be lied to.
Sex is not shameful. Sex shouldn't be taboo. Sex feels good, but has a lot of complicated feelings and potential consequences, so should be done by adults who are able to handle that.
You can google "first period kits" and see what it's included in those and make one for her. It would just require a quick stop at the store and would be a nice gesture. Usually they are a small bag/purse with a few different types of pads/liners/tampons, a small bottle of ibuprofen, some new undies, and maybe something fun like a bottle of nail polish or some chocolate. A heating pad is also nice. If you are also concerned with the messaging from your wife, go on amazon and get a book, something like this, that's specifically about puberty and starting her cycle. Or send her a link to a website geared towards that.
We picked up this book (It's Not the Stork!) based on suggestions from a Facebook parenting group, and it's been a hit with our 6 year old son. He was fascinated by all of it, and it does a good job of keeping it factual and grounded without getting into overly explicit detail, leaving that for other books in the series that are aimed at older age groups.
One thing I see mentioned by sex educators is that there shouldn't be any singular The Talk. Rather, there should be a continual dialog that evolves as your kids mature and have new questions. There are age-appropriate resources for this if you look around... eg, the "It's Not the Stork" series has three books aimed at 4+, 8+, and 10+. The first one of this addressed a lot of questions my daughter had when she was in the 5-6 range when she started looking for actual answers about reproduction (having graduated from "Who Has What" for understanding the names / basics when she was younger).
One of the things we do is have a variety of books on the subject available to both of our kids. This includes college anatomy books, my wife's pregnancy books, and more age appropriate books like Sex is a Funny Word and It's Perfectly Normal. If we notice the kids reading them we gently engage or ask if they have any questions, and when topics around sex or growth come up, we try to plainly and neutrally talk about them.
The same author of the first two books also published It's Not The Stork. I haven't read it because it's intended for ages younger than I teach (4-7), but since I like the author I'm sure it's probably really good as well.
Buy them now and stash them if you have the means. I've found they often sell out from time to time, unfortunately. It looks like Amazon is in stock for all three (though if you can order through a local bookstore please do).
NTA. He asked and you answered in an age appropriate way.
Book suggestion for anyone interested Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies
It doesn’t discuss how babies are made, but similarities and differences between male and female bodies.
I read about a book that had all different ways people have babies (adoption, IVF, etc) but I cannot quickly find it.
This one might help too.
You mentioned you had a book about body parts. I feel pretty passionate about recommending this one to other parents. I feel like the more a child/person knows about their body the stronger the body image they’ll have for themselves and be there own best advocate. We started reading it to our girls when they were 2ish
Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142410586/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_hfXUFbVBNYVA7
We just got this book and it’s just beautiful. I think it opens a wonderful door to conversations about conception in its many many forms. Highly recommend!
Edit to add: we’ve also been very open about infertility and have a framed photo of his embryo on the dresser, so we’re obviously going the “normalize it” route.
Thanks for the suggestion. I bought it and amazon then suggested What Makes a Baby. Slow down there, amazon!
I would recommend getting a book too. That way - if he is embarrassed or something - he can look at the book on his own. We use this one but there are a lot out there. I like this book because it reminded me to talk about things I never would have thought to point out (like the difference between sex meaning gender, and the act of sex).
I highly recommend you start early. Many people say that it should be an ongoing conversation, but many just can’t ever find the time to start. It also was not so easy for us, but we tried.However a great book was recommended to me and I used it to start the conversation with my daughter. It’s It’s Not The Stork My daughters best friend got her period at the beginning of 4th grade and mine was quite concerned, she knew what they were as we had talked, she saw me using pads etc. But this book was great to start all kinds of discussions.
I remember getting this from the library when my daughter was 5: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313
…but I chickened out when we got to the actual sex page and skipped it. Earlier this year (she’s now 7), she asked “so how do the sperm get through the air to the mommy’s egg?” Without a better explanation, she had made this up herself, so we had to explain the nitty gritty. She said I am never getting grandkids.
"Where Did I Come From" by Peter Mayle. An illustrated children's book about human sexuality. Published January 1, 1973.
https://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539/
OP, this is very normal when you are going through puberty.
This book may help you during this confusing time: It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library).
For sex ed, www.scarleteen.com is great. They cover healthy relationships and boundaries as well as just the sex part. I highly recommend it for people who grew up in religious environments with an emphasis on gender roles. Their site has a search function and posts are tagged, so you can always just bookmark it for when you need it. They also have a book that I need to dig into.
I (cis woman) was basically taught to be passive and wait for a man to ask me out, then let him run roughshod all over me in the relationship. Learning how to actually communicate my needs has definitely been helpful.
Definitely have a talk!
I’d also drop a few books in the bookcase that she can access that are she appropriate and informative. I really like it’s perfectly normal by Robbie H. Harris but there are loads out there
Having the talk is also helpful, but kids this age also don’t know what they don’t know so it’s nice to have a comprehensive book that they can peruse
1) Good gravy. Obviously I understand the difference. I'm challenging you, because you are pretending that any representation of parents is platonic. You're trying to claim semantic high ground while standing in Mariana Trench here.
2) Why do you think 4 year olds can't learn about sex? There are all sorts of age appropriate books for exactly that. Here's the one we used with our 4 year old. It's great.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Baby-Cory-Silverberg/dp/1609804856
When our kid was 7, we moved on to this one.