The University of MN is extremely liberal and there's been a growing anti-Christian bias. They're the same people who printed <em>Harmful To Minors</em>, a book where the author argues for parents to step aside with sex education and promote childhood sexuality.
I just picked up my copy of "The Boy Crisis" which just came out.
Sending a box of boxes of wine!
Big Little Feeling Instagram helped us dealing with big emotions.
Also (our kid is 19 months) she is crying or clingy when she wants to participate or help. We went through 2 weeks with her dad cooking breakfast one handed because the toddler wouldn’t stop crying and wanted to be held. She has calmed down once we started giving her some tasks. Like stirring the porridge or adding a bit salt to it. Making her part of the food prep team has made her super calm and happy. The idea for it came from this book
this book is fire!! my aunt sent me a copy and now i'm sending a copy to everyone i know with kids. btw please dont raise your kid to be colorblind, that's terrible advice. i'm happy to elaborate because it is common misconception that a) colorblindness is even possible and b) that it's a good thing
Hey, so this will be probably buried - but you should check out the phrase "Third Culture Kid." I think it will maybe help you parse some of what you're feeling in regards to having multiple cultures form your identity. It essentially describes a person who is influenced by both their parents' culture(s) and the culture in which they are raised. There's a large community of us!! There's even several books written about us.
I understand that a lot of people feel the need to police or gatekeep cultures as a way to prevent cultural appropriation. But I think the pendulum can swing too far and create segregation and stereotyping and just as much racism. E.g. person thinks you "don't look Korean enough" to enjoy Korean culture... this is racist bullshit no matter how you slice it. If we are to combat harmful cultural appropriation, we have to do so with a great deal of nuance and appreciation.
No judgement here but some communities spank and some don’t. It’s a cultural difference. And meta studies done about that cultural difference don’t show any long term negative affects from spanking. It’s a tough one to wrap your head around when you’re vehemently anti spanking. But it’s a real phenomenon.
The book Nurture Shock makes the argument that peer group has a much larger influence on child development than nearly any parenting choice. This also tracks to Raj Chetty’s research on zip codes — that the most important choice a parent makes is their neighborhood and consequently, their child’s peer group.
Because of that, selfishly I would think a lot about how the different choices of schools will impact the different peers your kid will interact with. That doesn’t mean private school is better or public school is worse - just that when you choose a school, you are implicitly choosing what your child will see as normal and work toward. Your kid may be extraordinary and have a strong self identity outside of his peers, but the truth is, most of us benchmark ourselves against those we know. So it’s important to me that my kid “knows” kids who value kindness, openness, grit, critical thinking and curiosity.
And nonselfishly, we should work to reduce the disparity between schools so that ending up the product of our environments doesn’t lead to such markedly different outcomes.
I've been listening to the audiobook Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaleen Doucleff recently and it has lifted such a weight off of my shoulders in terms of feeling like I need to constantly be entertaining and enriching and teaching my son 24/7. It's well cited and has such wonderful perspectives and advice that sounds foreign to Western moms but it works. Highly recommend to every parent, but especially those who put so much pressure on themselves to be a Pinterest-perfect mom and those like me who won't ever attain that and in turn feel guilty and inadequate. Changed my whole perspective on parenting
So I read a fair number of infuriating parenting books prior to my children being born. Most were just long anecdotes or personal screeds and a few were maybe one somewhat interesting idea surrounded by chapters of barely coherent nonsense.
Nurtureshock was pretty much the only one that talked about a wide variety of parenting issues and used a fair amount of research to support it.
While it's not really a "family" book. I've done guided reading for both my kids through Cialdini's Influence and while dated has a number of interesting observations about how people interact.
One thing that has helped me is understanding a couple things. Toddlers aren't developed enough to effectively communicate emotions and needs. In Western society, there seems to be a need for a power struggle where the parents want power over the child and the child wants the power to do things their own way.
Hint, Gather, Parenthas helped reframemy parenting. I try to involve child in decisions by offering choices or using "when/if...then". When you you put on your coat and shoes, then we can go outside. If they don't put them on them that is them choosing not to go outside. I think being able to pivot and flexible and trying to compromise your stance will help. But every parent and child is different, so what's works for me l, might not work for you but I would always try new things.
There's a book along these lines that may be of interest called Hunt Gather Parent
I've read the sample on the Kindle app and it seems promising!
Here's the link to it on Amazon (but of course encourage library usage or independent book sellers)
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982149671/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_GCSB277C3556NB9HAQ67?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Not necessarily a parenting book but check out "The boy crisis". If you're planning on 5 kids, the odds are good you get a boy or 2.
https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Crisis-Boys-Struggling-About/dp/1942952716
I can't vouch for this specific clip, but I was first introduced to the concept of boys failing by listening to a talk by Warren Farrell. He is the author of The Boy Crisis, and I think his videos and writing would be an excellent place to start.
I know you’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but if you’re having trouble convincing your wife, check out this book I found helpful
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982149671/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_23E1YN8VY60SBAH7PA3A?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
She talks about how toddlers actually want to help around the house and that we need to encourage and nurture this at a young age. Otherwise, like others have said, they grow up thinking it’s not their job to help.
I too had to leave everything but because his family was toxic and contributed to his issues. We moved to a much more rural area and spend a ton more time outside. We have a garden and she has a new school that’s a lot more personal and she’s making friends. Kids are resilient; but she will need you to show her she’s resilient if that makes sense? Condense the changes as much as you can and something we do is when she starts to feel disregulated or act out I ask “do you need a hug”? I come from abusive parents and I’ve read a ton of parenting self-help books; Hunt, Gather, Parent is excellent bc I was getting triggered constantly by her emotions bc I wasn’t coping with or processing mine (grief is hard to go thru when momming has to come first) so I would suggest therapy for yourself; if just to have someone to talk to and cry with that will give you an objective and safe space to do so in. Youre a good woman. You’re a good mom. You’re gonna get thru this.
Hunt, gather, parent. Answers all of your questions, best parenting book I've ever read, and I recommend it to anyone that even dares ask. It was written by an NPR science correspondent, and the research is unparalleled in my opinion
https://www.amazon.com/Hunt-Gather-Parent-Ancient-Cultures/dp/1982149671
Thanks for your feedback!
Well, it's hard-going in the beginning because of the stigma associated with dating sites in general, but we hope our reputation will speak for ourselves over time.
As to your suggestion: the quiz / site is inspired on work carried out by Reken and Pollock and the question is "where did you spend most of your *childhood*", as that has an incredibly deep impact on forming one's culture. Does that make sense to you?
I'd advise reading this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-Crisis-Boys-Struggling-About/dp/1942952716. or perhaps just watching some videos with Warren Farrell on youtube. I'm sorry for yours and your sons loss.
christina hoff sommers wrote a good book on anti-male tendencies in schools.
If you enjoy the subject of EI, I highly, highly recommend you give Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett a read.
It’s an extremely well-written examination of EI that touches on how (Western) cultural norms affect how we process emotions (or don’t). Author is founding director at the Yale Center for EI and does a great job keeping the content succinct and relatable, while citing tons of relevant studies.
Can’t recommend it enough to anyone interested in the subject or who can benefit from improved EI (like our boy Tom here).
I feel you so much. I have a 2.5yo that is EXACTLY THIS. There’s been some interesting research to show that kids that are allowed to help and take ownership of the jobs that come with being in a family actually become very helpful, independent older children and eventually adults. Look up Mayan parenting, and the book Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans Knowing that all the frustration on my part is going to lead to a helpful kid, teenager and then adult makes it easier for me to stomach the unhelpful helping.
I feel you, believe me.
I have really enjoyed this book: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982149671/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_C62EH5R69K6RY5ZG1XYY?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
When all you know is what you know, it’s hard to change. I’m a yeller from a long line of yellers. I positively hate it, and myself for it. I want to do better by my children, and recognize it’s hard to overcome some long learned habits.
The other books mentioned in this thread are also super helpful, but this one just struck a different chord. Like, holy crap, if you start from a different baseline then your outcome can be totally different.
>ser platforms, you'll be under constant critique but it is for the overall good. And like I mentioned, I am glad someone is trying to build a platform like this, it's an uphill battle that I think you'll have to climb differently. Anyways, good luck and PM me if you should have further questions.
Hi there,
Many thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!
OK, so our quiz measures the quiz taker's exposure to outside cultures, with a special emphasis on his or her formative years, which is the period during which one shapes his or her character. It is based on research carried out by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken (authors of Third Culture Kids) and it is a quick way to accesses whether an individual can be considered to be a TCK, and to what degree. It is by no means a complete and comprehensive assessment.
We had simplify things in order to be able to assign "grades", which in turn allows us to qualify the results as a way of ensuring that people who sign up have, indeed, had the TCK "experience" as it were.
There's another set of questions that the user needs to fill out on the website, which will provide further information about the person, what he or she is looking for in a partner, etc.
As to the site name: "vibes" denotes a certain energy / aura which we believe a TCK experiences when they are in the company of another TCK.
We are very excited about this project and we look forward to all and any feedback, so thanks again!
Welcome to Reddit. Most of the time it’s a crap shoot to what you will get.
Happy to help. It takes a lot to start to open up and will be hard at first. I really do think finding someone to be able to talk with will help a lot. Anger is a second emotion and has an underlining emotion causing it. It’s important to dig deep and think, what is making me feel anger, why do I feel angry. It’s good to ask these questions for all your emotions. You start to understand where these emotions are coming from and why you feel them. Accepting that you feel an emotion is important too. Ask questions, learn, and accept and slowly you will work through each thing and know how to handle emotions when they come up again.
A book that could help as well is permission to feel . Good book on being more open with your emotions and feelings
I wish you the best again.
Welcome to Reddit. Most of the time it’s a crap shoot to what you will get.
Happy to help. It takes a lot to start to open up and will be hard at first. I really do think finding someone to be able to talk with will help a lot. Anger is a second emotion and has an underlining emotion causing it. It’s important to dig deep and think, what is making me feel anger, why do I feel angry. It’s good to ask these questions for all your emotions. You start to understand where these emotions are coming from and why you feel them. Accepting that you feel an emotion is important too. Ask questions, learn, and accept and slowly you will work through each thing and know how to handle emotions when they come up again.
A book that could help as well is permission to feel . Good book on being more open with your emotions and feelings
I wish you the best again.
Therapy does help. Many therapists work on a sliding scale, so if it's an issue of cost, there are ways around that. But if for some reason you still can't go, I at least recommend the book Permission to Feel. It's written by the founder of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. He had a tough upbringing and emotionally distant parents, which led to him being under developed emotionally. It tells that story alongside his methods for understanding your own emotions. It also good into how to communicate those feelings to others, which can be incredibly difficult for some. Great read.
Work on your emotional vocabulary. This app will help you recognize and label your emotions.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/the-mood-meter/id825930113
Based on this book:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250212847/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_t1_AMuTFbMTSRC9E
Yes there are no blowing guns that a SJW did it. But if someone gave someone chemicals that would supposedly turn someone not gay, you would be inclined to believe that it was the Christian/Muslim extremists right?
With how callous the SJW's are about hormones given the fact that a number of them are okay with pre-pubescent kids getting sex change operations and put them on hormone therapy, I am ever so slightly inclined to assume that the doctor decision wasn't a total medical one.
I mean I don't have an MD and I can tell you giving a 16 year old physically healthy male estrogen, is medical malpractice to say the least.
When there are active efforts to make boys more like girls via psychological methods and a school system that by design is suboptimal and sometimes downright hostile to young boys, when it is done explicitly, seems kind of ......
This seems to look like a case of testing the waters gone bad, they got caught before they could test on more, and before you know it boys across schools are getting prescribed estrogen pills for being "too unruly" on top of the other pills they are already prescribed.
Was the doctor retarded? Or just trying out some sick ideology influenced experiment? I should go buy some more benefits of the doubts from the market, because I keep on having to use them all up on SJW's.
I would never establish a routine where my child was living outside the US with another parent. That gives legal precedent to his residency with them instead of you. I'm guessing Italy will favor a resident father rather than an abroad mother?
The child is too young at this point to understand the distance he is traveling, but it won't stay like that for long. This is bigger than attachment issues and confusion. I grew up a 3rd Culture Kid in KSA (Saudi) in the 70's, and am on the extreme side because of other factors, but it hugely impacted my life in a bad way. In those days people didn't understand how they were affecting their children by raising them abroad. A friend of mine is also a 3rd culture child schooled in Beirut in the 70's; 10% of her class was dead of suicide, drugs or alcoholism 20 years ago. The outcome for my peers is comparable, but I don't have the #'s as she does.
You can raise a kid, shifting him around the world, very successfully but you need to be aware of how he will be impacted by moving between family groups, countries, cultures etc. It is no small thing.
Check out this book and be aware of the challenges and blessings your child is going to be shaped by. Like all children, because of the parent's life choices, he will carry particular burdens. Acknowledge that and help him as much as you can.
It's a little better, but not terribly so. The Washington Times gives the impression that it's a reputable national newspaper, but after digging a little deeper, it's more aptly described as a conservative leaning tabloid with close ties to the Unification Movement, which is a religious entity.
That being said, there's not a lot of substance to this article. Their source is a book and its author who is there to promote it. If the book itself is a secondary source, what does that make this article? A tertiary source? I worry that we're playing the telephone game a bit with the actual science here.
Ideally, I'd like to be able to examine and scrutinize the methods used to draw these conclusions and see that it's gone through peer review. We need to be able to compare the incidence of these factors in the population of school shooters with that of the general population, for example, to see if there's not some cherry picking going on.