The best Christian Personal Growth books: Reddit reviews

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100% stop giving her money, now.

Here are more tips but you have to decide what is necessary.

Block her number for awhile and give yourself space. She isn't a relationship worth having. She just tears you down. I know "it's family," but sometimes, that isn't enough. She isn't making ANY sort of effort to repair or GIVE into your relationship. She is just taking. (I have no idea why you pay for things for her...)

I would cut it off for 1-6 months and see how it goes.

Let other people deal with her, if she hasn't driven them away, already.

She will never learn anything if people keep helping her, despite the 1-way relationship.

Read up on Boundaries. It's the best lesson I have ever learned regarding relationships.

>How can I start nipping that behavior in the bud with her? Any advice is welcome.

You can't change her. Thankfully, you can change you(ie your response).

To poorly quote another redditer,"Boundaries are something you do FOR yourself, not TO someone else. ". It sounds like you are primed to set some boundaries. I would highly recommend reading the book, but here is some advice based on my experience.

It is good that you are done. That is a great starting point! Sit down and make a list of what you don't like about interactions with your Mom (this can also help later if the fog decends). Then make a list of what you are willing to give her (time, money, energy, social engagement, etc), and what is too much. Decide on these boundaries when you are in a calm and clear headspace.

Next, comes the hard part, enforcing those boundaries. Don't let your self give in, especially when the heat is on. You have set rules for your self and will follow them. Support your own good in following these healthy boundaries that you set. Have compassion for yourself as you struggle with this. Remember that humans can change, but it takes time. You can do this.

Please don't let anyone tell you how to feel or what to feel. Feeling are information about what you are experiencing, what your internal state is. Listen to that voice.

We might be able to advise on how to react to emotions, but in and of them selves, emotions are info/data.

It sounds like your MIL is setting up a pattern of emotional manipulation and dishonesty. These make her an unsafe person. It is a good idea to keep a distance from things/people that are unsafe.

There are boundaries between all people. They are part of the natural social contract that exist between people. They tell us "I end here" and " you start there". Your MIL stomped on those boundaries. It may be time to make them more explicit and more firm.

If you haven't already, I would recommend reading "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It helped me a lot. It has some good stuff to say about boundary stomping mamas.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W9clBbYVG9R3W

Best of luck!

In regards to the Catholic version of Christianity (what I’m familiar with) there are some realistic and historically credible events and ideas to hold onto. Especially when looking for foils in the Gospels it’s hard to poke too many holes. There’s some real credibility between the Synoptics and the Acts of the Apostles. specifically in regards to authorship it all comes together to add needed credibility to what are otherwise unbelievable events. Read this book if you’re interested in this topic, it’s really informative: https://www.amazon.com/Case-Christ-Journalists-Personal-Investigation/dp/0310339308

This isn’t super relevant though. What’s import is helping Fiverr Jesus. Also “bonus levels” lol.

Edited to better clarify my point :)

I really like the book boundaries. It changes the way you think about and act in relationships. It’s all logical, but if you’ve never thought about your relationship that way it’s a new way of doing things.

You are an adult. You get to choose how your mother treats you and interacts in your life. Draw some firm boundaries there and if she can’t abide them she will have consequences.

People with no boundaries and people with boundaries that are to intense suffer. You need to find the middle. So, for instance, if you don’t want her to kiss baby then say ‘it’s flu season and I’m not comfortable with you kissing baby. If you do kiss him, I’m going to have to hold him or put him in his swing’...and then do that. If she’s speaking about you in a disparaging way (your mom is being silly. Who raised her. Etc) calmly say that you are this child’s mother and you will raise this child according to your own guidelines, just like she got to raise her kids according to hers. If she can’t respect that, then maybe it’s best for her to leave and come back another time when she can respect your rules.

Be kind, but firm. It’s great practice because when baby is 2/3 you will get to do lots of work establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Boundaries is a great book about developing this skill. It has some Christian references (which you may or may not be into), but it is such a useful book.

In my opinion, talking to family about a fight between spouses is very inappropriate. Having a mentor that is not invested in the relationship would be ideal if she absolutely has to talk to someone. Have you read the book Boundaries together?

I'm trying to write a comment but it hurts too much to try to put this into words.

I'm so sorry for what you went through. A father is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home and what you experienced is so twisted and damaging. I can't adequately express my sorrow over what I just read.

The worst thing about this is our relationship with our earthly father will color the way we see God for the rest of our lives. Unless we regularly replace our thinking from what we experienced with truth from God's word we will forever feel from God what our fathers caused us to feel.

There is a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Townsend that I would recommend to you. It talks about healthy ways to deal with difficult people in our lives that cause you pain.

I don't know how to answer your question about honoring. But you do need to forgive him and try to look for the good in him and honor that. Your father is a sinner created in the image of God but broken. Maybe some day you can see the good in him. I don't know.

It might help to write down what you want to say to your BF, as well has have the harassing DMs ready to show him. If you’re too nervous to say it aloud then have him read what you wrote instead. You can also try practicing out loud what you want to say, that helps too.

> I really hope he doesnt come over to confront me after my bf says something o him

If his friend does come over just don’t answer the door. Don’t answer it. You do not have to open your door to him, you do not have to let him in your home, and you do not have to talk to him or explain yourself to him. If he gets angry then so what? He’s a jerk! Let him be angry!

If he refuses to leave or makes you feel threatened call the police and have him removed for trespassing. It’s 10000% ok to be “rude” or “mean” if someone is making you feel threatened, don’t put yourself in danger because you’re worried about politeness. Your safety matters more than this dude’s ego.

I’m really sorry you’re in this position. I have to say though that it sounds like you might have difficulty sticking up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries with people (and maybe some anxiety going on?). If it’s an option therapy could be really helpful with developing those important life skills (here’s a guide on how to find affordable therapist if needed, there are also some online therapy websites that tend to be more affordable than in-person ones), if therapy is not an option then there are some good books out there about setting healthy boundaries that you might benefit from checking out (such as Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no)

Good luck tonight! Just remember to take some deep breaths if you feel yourself geting too anxious. You can do this!

This book will be super helpful! You’re right that your husband is 100% the priority now. Everyone else comes after that, including parents.

Tell her she (your mom) needs to read the book, Boundaries: by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

It's written by two Christian psychologist and is an incredible read. I love Jesus and there's nothing biblical about continuing to support that type of behavior. You can have compassion and still have standards for what you will and will not accept.

I wish more people would read this book. Check it out, it might give you a way to explain things to your parents and hopefully they will understand that you're actually doing the loving thing here.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Edit: clarifying wording

I was living independently prior to my daughter being born. She interferes as much as I allow her to. You are a 31 year old woman. You are the only one in control here.

You really need to read this book, hold on I’ll link it

Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_66Z8DFY5TEWFVHDY5B0G

I forgot to mention a book that really helped me and my husband with boundaries (and my husband isn't much of a reader of self-help literature). We each grew up with a PD parent, so we need help!

When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

It is Christian-based, which would automatically have made me reject the book (because I don't like Bible-thumping), but actually it totally changed my mind about the morals and ethics of setting boundaries. We must, say the authors, in order to grow personally and spiritually ourselves, and to make sure others are free to do the same. They say boundary-stompers must be stopped, and we must stop them.

It is great, I promise! I re-read it every time I feel guilty about my mother, which is a lot, and get a boost of confidence every time. I've had it on my bookshelf for at least a decade. The guilt and manipulation of a PD parent is fierce. This book's concepts is like garlic for that.

My husband and I liked their other book, "Safe People" just as much, but I don't find it on Amazon. It is here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/safe-people-henry-cloud/1101957885/2679450583166?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Catch-All,+Low_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP79700&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI16vy1rGc2gIVnkoNCh1REQo1EAQYAyABEgL5uPD_BwE

My husband read Safe People in one sitting and announced his mother wasn't a safe person, and immediately totally changed the way he relates to her--which saved our marriage and family. He LOVED the Biblical stuff because his mother used to use Christian values as a bludgeon whenever she wanted her way over everyone else's. This stopped that.

Other people gave good advice re therapy for all. But some important points:

-Ex needs to understand this is your home. You need ground rules. She's a welcome guest until she can get back on her feet. For example, one of your rules to stay might be therapy. Maker a written list (even where she needs to park her car) and have a sit down ASAP.

-Great book idea might be "Boundaries" as it teaches you how to nicely draw the lines to protect yourself. And you need to stay safe in order to help. So read it so you can help them more.

-While you can forgive her & I hope you do, that does not mean you need fully trust her. They are not the same.

You can do this friend.

​

That new book the making of biblical womanhood might be a goer.

https://www.npr.org/2021/04/15/987552105/the-making-of-biblical-womanhood-tackles-contradictions-in-religious-practice

Also the great sex rescue which is specifically about the effects on women's sex lives.

https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827

Ps, you need the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" and perhaps also the book on Boundary by Henry Cloud. The last one may have some Christian undertones but can be read by non religious people too....

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_2F5ZT2VCRW6KX9A64442

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?_encoding=UTF8&aaxitk=184fc26e2ff8f10e5824dc0dee08c1f5&hsa_cr_id=3573033300901&pd_rd_plhdr=t&pd_rd_r=cfd0adb2-4029-4890-81e8-cbda24f1c103&pd_rd_w=B4YHy&pd_rd_wg=ANnsy&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_mcd_asin_0_img

Boundaries, my friend, are not inherently un-Christian!!

You sound like a awesome, smart, wise, mature kid who's unfortunately more mature than your parents. I'm so sorry your parents are treating you this way. Please keep in contact with positive people you trust (grandma, coach, counselor, etc). This is completely your parents fault, not yours!

You might also find supportive folks in r/justnofamily and/or r/raisedbynarcissists. Not everything may apply to you, and their advice can be blunt - but I think you need to be careful with your parents and set some healthy boundaries. I also recommend the book Boundaries. It's written from a Christian perspective and is a great resource.

Here's a pre-order link: https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+great+sex+rescue&qid=1610661223&sr=8-1

Don't know if you know who she is but she's the writer of the To Love, Honor, and Vacuum blog and her stuff lately has been really good. Probs a little heavy on the religious aspect for you, but I know you don't let that deter you from gleaning the good info.

So much to unpack. It sounds like you really can't help your mom. After all, how do you help someone who cannot/will not help themselves? That said, do not pay bills. It would be like giving a drunk a drink. You would be just enabling her.

I will suggest a couple of books.

1. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
2. Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Now to be funny: You know your financial plan is working when other people make fun of it. :)

Think about it. The people around you are all broke and in debt, but ridicule you for being wise with money....

I understand about politics and social perspectives being the "safe" topic of conversation with your parents! I thought I was the only one!

I'm so sorry that your mom threatened you when you considered moving out. That is absolutely abusive behavior. You are not responsible for her response to your decisions. She is an adult (so are you!). She is responsible for her own behavior. It might be helpful to read the book Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud if you haven't before; it explains things much better than I can.

I hear you 100%. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but we are created to have healthy community no matter how small or large that is. Key word healthy haha. That being said when I went through a similar time (and what I encourage all INFJs to do) the best thing that I ever did was to work on myself. Learn how to have a healthy relationship with myself, and learn how to have a healthy relationship with others.

This helped me sooooo much : https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_A8S0GS6P5X3VWYG8S0N2

I am confused why many comments seem to indicate "there's no purpose to being friends with women when you're married.." What? What about friendship for the sake of friendship? My wife and I have plenty of rewarding relationships with people of the opposite sex.

Consider that a lot of these comments put your neighbors sex (that is, class of person) above who she is as an individual. That you should see her as a temptation before seeing her as a human. Seems like not the greatest way to view the world.

There's a whole chapter on this sort of stuff within The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire, I'd highly recommend reading that book.

Practically speaking, this is a great conversation to have with your wife. As others mentioned, it's a boundaries thing. Should you be allowed to have one-on-one conversations or hang-outs with women? My wife and I think so for our marriage, though you ought to chat through it and respect your wife's opinion.

Good boundaries will help you see when you’re being used. Manipulation is the number one indicator of being used, male or female, romantic or platonic.

I wasn’t raised with good boundaries, so I took on responsibility that wasn’t mine and chased men that took advantage of me. I didn’t deserve that cause damn, I’m awesome.

This book helped me figure things out.

Kings, keep you’re head up and protect your hearts.

Carl Jung said “modern people can’t see God because they won’t look low enough”. It means that people underestimate the importance of small things. They’re not small. Everyday things make up our lifetimes.

As a Dad of similar age this Babylon Bee article though tongue in cheek, hits the nail on it's head.

You have a ministry to your wife, a ministry to your child and a ministry to the 30 or so children you teach and those you work with. There should be no distinction between everyday activities and worship/praying.

It may seem boring compared to those who leave for the mission field but it's no less important. There's a good book on the topic by Kevin Deyoung called "Just do Something"

The bottom line is that Jesus really lived, died, and rose from the dead. You don't want to convert just because your boyfriend is a Christian. You want to investigate if the claims of Christ are true, and convert once you are satisfied that they are. I would recommend a book by Lee Strobel called The Case for Christ. And of course, I would recommend that you read the Gospels in the Bible, starting perhaps with the Gospel of John. Blessings on your journey!

OP, your initial reaction to this incident should also prompt you to look at yourself.

I highly recommend you buy and read this: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life.

I'd highly recommend reading The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gergoire et al. It's new, and an incredible book. read it with your spouse if he's up for it.

Despite being very much a Christian book, I know a couple non-believers that have read it and found a lot of value. Basically, it sounds like reframing sex would be good for your relationship. He might see it as a purely physical release, and I'm not sure if you're getting much joy out of it. It should be different, pleasurable for both people, and an expression of your love rather than just orgasming for the sake of an orgasm.

On top of the needing counseling, he needs to look into porn addiction. There is more than enough data out there that proves that porn addiction causes so many problems.

Here are a couple of books to look into: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540900827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_CDWPP9MVFA4P1GE13H6C

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310334098/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_A9GYBBBZP20PKZVFF3BT

I’m recently married and my in-laws are dreadful people.

This book is basically the “how-to” for establishing boundaries without pouring gasoline on the fire. And for providing perspective on the fire itself, and what you actually have control over.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

It has some Christian things in it, but it’s not cheesy and it isn’t preachy. You don’t have to be Christian to appreciate the logic and arguments of the book.