The best Christian Self Help books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

100% stop giving her money, now.

Here are more tips but you have to decide what is necessary.

Block her number for awhile and give yourself space. She isn't a relationship worth having. She just tears you down. I know "it's family," but sometimes, that isn't enough. She isn't making ANY sort of effort to repair or GIVE into your relationship. She is just taking. (I have no idea why you pay for things for her...)

I would cut it off for 1-6 months and see how it goes.

Let other people deal with her, if she hasn't driven them away, already.

She will never learn anything if people keep helping her, despite the 1-way relationship.

Read up on Boundaries. It's the best lesson I have ever learned regarding relationships.

>How can I start nipping that behavior in the bud with her? Any advice is welcome.

You can't change her. Thankfully, you can change you(ie your response).

To poorly quote another redditer,"Boundaries are something you do FOR yourself, not TO someone else. ". It sounds like you are primed to set some boundaries. I would highly recommend reading the book, but here is some advice based on my experience.

It is good that you are done. That is a great starting point! Sit down and make a list of what you don't like about interactions with your Mom (this can also help later if the fog decends). Then make a list of what you are willing to give her (time, money, energy, social engagement, etc), and what is too much. Decide on these boundaries when you are in a calm and clear headspace.

Next, comes the hard part, enforcing those boundaries. Don't let your self give in, especially when the heat is on. You have set rules for your self and will follow them. Support your own good in following these healthy boundaries that you set. Have compassion for yourself as you struggle with this. Remember that humans can change, but it takes time. You can do this.

Please don't let anyone tell you how to feel or what to feel. Feeling are information about what you are experiencing, what your internal state is. Listen to that voice.

We might be able to advise on how to react to emotions, but in and of them selves, emotions are info/data.

It sounds like your MIL is setting up a pattern of emotional manipulation and dishonesty. These make her an unsafe person. It is a good idea to keep a distance from things/people that are unsafe.

There are boundaries between all people. They are part of the natural social contract that exist between people. They tell us "I end here" and " you start there". Your MIL stomped on those boundaries. It may be time to make them more explicit and more firm.

If you haven't already, I would recommend reading "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It helped me a lot. It has some good stuff to say about boundary stomping mamas.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W9clBbYVG9R3W

Best of luck!

I'm gay and I've had no problem reconciling my faith with my sexual orientation from the time I was 14/15.

The most important thing in my mind is acknowledging that historical context impacts the way the Bible should be interpreted. The word "homosexuality" wasn't in the Bible until the twentieth century. Verses that have been used to condemn all same-sex sexual activity are surrounded by verses that would seem to approve of slavery, if taken at face value.

Jesus, in reference to Christian teaching, says that a good tree cannot bear bad fruit. If teaching is sound, it will not result in the harm of those impacted it. This hasn't been the case with the conservative teaching on homosexuality. The church needs to act in a way consistent with the idea that "perfect love casts out fear."

There's a lot that can (and has) been said about this topic. I'd encourage you to grapple with it yourself, but to never forget that God loves all of their children. Also, if you haven't read them, God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines and Torn by Justin Lee are great books on this topic.

Warmest of wishes, friend.

Have you heard of Negative Visualization?

Pause now and then to consider the state of your life. Think of the people you love and the things you value. If you love someone, consider how you’d fare without them. If you have a great ride, think how you’d do on a bicycle or bus pass. Think of how bored you’d be if you could no longer do whatever hobbies you enjoy. Ponder the changes that a sudden loss of health would bring. This can help prepare you for an unexpected loss or change, although nothing will ever really prevent grief. More importantly, it should help you appreciate your circumstances and the people around you more, and make you content with the life you already live.

You seem dismissive of meditation and books, which seems odd for a question like this, but the first I’d recommend would be A Guide to the Good Life.

I wanted to recommend this one... written by a philosophy professor, it's very accessible and made a big difference for me. It's sort of an intro to stoicism.

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic-ebook/dp/B0040JHNQG/ref=sr_1_3?

Secondly--- I own a business with a seasonal slow period. For 3-4 months each year I more or less don't have to work. I have been fighting that strange guilt sensation for so long. I know exactly what you mean.

It's hard to do anything different from what EVERYBODY else is doing. But it doesn't mean we are wrong to do it. Stoicism has helped me accept that it's perfectly natural that I would feel strange given that my lifestyle is so different from pretty much everyone else's.

Om du verkligen vill prata med dom här kanske den här boken kan hjälpa. Annars är det väl bara att acceptera att alla människor inte har den bästa informationsdieten (men dom vara bra och älskvärda människor för det).

There's a theory of psychology that due to the millenia of generations of survival of the fittest, our brains are hard wired to worry. It's only been for the last few generations that a good portion of the human population could live without having to be on guard constantly against death by wild animals, starvation from crop failures/not finding food to hunt, small wounds becoming infected and killing you, etc.

Those of us alive today are the descendants of the ones who DID worry enough about the dangers in the world to survive through them long enough to have kids and keep them alive too. The ones less inclined to worry would have survived less often. So you could say many of us were bred through natural selection to be peak worriers.

Today our world no longer requires this level of worry, but we're stuck with brains which are built to be anxiously aware. Our brains will create those feelings even when our lives do not require any worry at all.

I read a great book on Stoicism a few years ago I really enjoyed. I think it definitely helps keep these anxious feelings in perspective. Step 1 for me is to accept that those feelings are entirely normal and not something I need to fight agains. u/cagarsalvagemente you might enjoy this book!

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic-ebook/dp/B0040JHNQG

I really like the book boundaries. It changes the way you think about and act in relationships. It’s all logical, but if you’ve never thought about your relationship that way it’s a new way of doing things.

You are an adult. You get to choose how your mother treats you and interacts in your life. Draw some firm boundaries there and if she can’t abide them she will have consequences.

People with no boundaries and people with boundaries that are to intense suffer. You need to find the middle. So, for instance, if you don’t want her to kiss baby then say ‘it’s flu season and I’m not comfortable with you kissing baby. If you do kiss him, I’m going to have to hold him or put him in his swing’...and then do that. If she’s speaking about you in a disparaging way (your mom is being silly. Who raised her. Etc) calmly say that you are this child’s mother and you will raise this child according to your own guidelines, just like she got to raise her kids according to hers. If she can’t respect that, then maybe it’s best for her to leave and come back another time when she can respect your rules.

Be kind, but firm. It’s great practice because when baby is 2/3 you will get to do lots of work establishing and maintaining boundaries.

Boundaries is a great book about developing this skill. It has some Christian references (which you may or may not be into), but it is such a useful book.

You sound a lot like me a couple years ago

Okay, let's get your mental health in order

What is your money situation? Got health insurance?

1. Sleep. You gotta get your 8-10 hours. Every night. Quality sleep too. Get a fitbit if you can afford it, the one that tracks sleep quality. Otherwise there are free/cheap apps. Watch you caffeine intake. Eat dinner as early as you can. Take melatonin. Optimize your bedroom for sleep quality if you can (40% humidity, 60-67 F temp, air purifier, blackout curtain). Easy on the booze

2. Go to the doctor and get blood work: vitamins, minerals, hormones (estradiol too, sounds like your T is fine), inflammatory markers, intestinal parasites. Depression and inflammation are correlated. Depression and testosterone / Vitamin D deficiencies are correlated. FIx deficiencies with food / sunshine if you can, otherwise supplements. Eat real food, the kind that goes bad. Mostly fish/seafood/shellfish and vegetables. Fish has Omega 3, Iodine, and Lithium, all of which are good for your mood

3. Attitude change. Go get the audio book of Feeling Good by David Burns. it's the intro to Cognitive Behavioual Therapy. Works better than drugs for most people. You can get it free on kobo.com if you sign up (credit card required but not charge until a month). Then get https://www.amazon.ca/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614 . Can find audio book on piratebay. It's an intro to Stoicism, a masculine philosophy of life which helps you think through negative emotions

4. Walk in the daylight / sunshine after lunch every day. It's good for your mood

5. After all that, after you're feeling better, and want some inspiration for school / exercise, read The War of Art (Pressfield), and Can't Hurt Me (Goggins)

You can PM me if you need help

Also, avoid female counselors, they are useless. Find a male CBT therapist if you need one

Sounds like you need a philosophy of life...especially since you already have a doctor of philosophy degree :)..

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LmVADb2ZYTREF

This is the 101 in stoicism. If you want to be happy, you have to learn what you can control and what not. This book is a goog starter: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (English Edition) https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0040JHNQG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_EouqDbTJH6VM7

My impression of enlightenment based on reading Waking Up by Sam Harris (highly recommended) and Jeffery Martin's PNSE studies is that it doesn't necessarily change your personality much and it does not really have much to do with moral behavior one way or the other. Gupta would likely behave in a similar way whether or not he was enlightened.

In my opinion, talking to family about a fight between spouses is very inappropriate. Having a mentor that is not invested in the relationship would be ideal if she absolutely has to talk to someone. Have you read the book Boundaries together?

I'm trying to write a comment but it hurts too much to try to put this into words.

I'm so sorry for what you went through. A father is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home and what you experienced is so twisted and damaging. I can't adequately express my sorrow over what I just read.

The worst thing about this is our relationship with our earthly father will color the way we see God for the rest of our lives. Unless we regularly replace our thinking from what we experienced with truth from God's word we will forever feel from God what our fathers caused us to feel.

There is a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Townsend that I would recommend to you. It talks about healthy ways to deal with difficult people in our lives that cause you pain.

I don't know how to answer your question about honoring. But you do need to forgive him and try to look for the good in him and honor that. Your father is a sinner created in the image of God but broken. Maybe some day you can see the good in him. I don't know.

It might help to write down what you want to say to your BF, as well has have the harassing DMs ready to show him. If you’re too nervous to say it aloud then have him read what you wrote instead. You can also try practicing out loud what you want to say, that helps too.

> I really hope he doesnt come over to confront me after my bf says something o him

If his friend does come over just don’t answer the door. Don’t answer it. You do not have to open your door to him, you do not have to let him in your home, and you do not have to talk to him or explain yourself to him. If he gets angry then so what? He’s a jerk! Let him be angry!

If he refuses to leave or makes you feel threatened call the police and have him removed for trespassing. It’s 10000% ok to be “rude” or “mean” if someone is making you feel threatened, don’t put yourself in danger because you’re worried about politeness. Your safety matters more than this dude’s ego.

I’m really sorry you’re in this position. I have to say though that it sounds like you might have difficulty sticking up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries with people (and maybe some anxiety going on?). If it’s an option therapy could be really helpful with developing those important life skills (here’s a guide on how to find affordable therapist if needed, there are also some online therapy websites that tend to be more affordable than in-person ones), if therapy is not an option then there are some good books out there about setting healthy boundaries that you might benefit from checking out (such as Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no)

Good luck tonight! Just remember to take some deep breaths if you feel yourself geting too anxious. You can do this!

This book will be super helpful! You’re right that your husband is 100% the priority now. Everyone else comes after that, including parents.

HAVE THEM READ THE BOOK GOD AND THE GAY CHRISTIAN. IT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET THEM TO REALIZE HOMOSEXUALITY ISN'T AS INCOMPATIBLE WITH CHRISTIANITY, PARTICULARLY THE NEW TESTAMENT/COVENANT, AS PEOPLE THINK. IF THEY'RE WILLING TO PUT IN THE TIME TO VOICE THEIR OPINION TO YOU, THEY MAY BE WILLING TO PUT IN A LITTLE MORE TIME TO REALLY CHECK OUT THE SUBJECT.

Tell her she (your mom) needs to read the book, Boundaries: by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

It's written by two Christian psychologist and is an incredible read. I love Jesus and there's nothing biblical about continuing to support that type of behavior. You can have compassion and still have standards for what you will and will not accept.

I wish more people would read this book. Check it out, it might give you a way to explain things to your parents and hopefully they will understand that you're actually doing the loving thing here.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Edit: clarifying wording

It exists. I haven't read it, so I can't give any personal thoughts on it, but here you go.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Manga-Bible-Genesis-Revelation/dp/0385524315

I was living independently prior to my daughter being born. She interferes as much as I allow her to. You are a 31 year old woman. You are the only one in control here.

You really need to read this book, hold on I’ll link it

Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_66Z8DFY5TEWFVHDY5B0G

I forgot to mention a book that really helped me and my husband with boundaries (and my husband isn't much of a reader of self-help literature). We each grew up with a PD parent, so we need help!

When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

It is Christian-based, which would automatically have made me reject the book (because I don't like Bible-thumping), but actually it totally changed my mind about the morals and ethics of setting boundaries. We must, say the authors, in order to grow personally and spiritually ourselves, and to make sure others are free to do the same. They say boundary-stompers must be stopped, and we must stop them.

It is great, I promise! I re-read it every time I feel guilty about my mother, which is a lot, and get a boost of confidence every time. I've had it on my bookshelf for at least a decade. The guilt and manipulation of a PD parent is fierce. This book's concepts is like garlic for that.

My husband and I liked their other book, "Safe People" just as much, but I don't find it on Amazon. It is here: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/safe-people-henry-cloud/1101957885/2679450583166?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Core+Catch-All,+Low_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP79700&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI16vy1rGc2gIVnkoNCh1REQo1EAQYAyABEgL5uPD_BwE

My husband read Safe People in one sitting and announced his mother wasn't a safe person, and immediately totally changed the way he relates to her--which saved our marriage and family. He LOVED the Biblical stuff because his mother used to use Christian values as a bludgeon whenever she wanted her way over everyone else's. This stopped that.

Other people gave good advice re therapy for all. But some important points:

-Ex needs to understand this is your home. You need ground rules. She's a welcome guest until she can get back on her feet. For example, one of your rules to stay might be therapy. Maker a written list (even where she needs to park her car) and have a sit down ASAP.

-Great book idea might be "Boundaries" as it teaches you how to nicely draw the lines to protect yourself. And you need to stay safe in order to help. So read it so you can help them more.

-While you can forgive her & I hope you do, that does not mean you need fully trust her. They are not the same.

You can do this friend.

​

I am so sorry this happened. It is not ever easy to identify or find a way to change the system.

I do believe both/all students need to be involved in the conversations as generally the broader the "us" the better the outcome when dealing with aggressors/violent individuals acting out in a relatively closed community.

Good book to address any difficult topic: How to Have Impossible Conversations. https://www.amazon.com/How-Have-Impossible-Conversations-Practical/dp/0738285323

Please keep us updated.

Ps, you need the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" and perhaps also the book on Boundary by Henry Cloud. The last one may have some Christian undertones but can be read by non religious people too....

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_2F5ZT2VCRW6KX9A64442

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310351804/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?_encoding=UTF8&aaxitk=184fc26e2ff8f10e5824dc0dee08c1f5&hsa_cr_id=3573033300901&pd_rd_plhdr=t&pd_rd_r=cfd0adb2-4029-4890-81e8-cbda24f1c103&pd_rd_w=B4YHy&pd_rd_wg=ANnsy&ref_=sbx_be_s_sparkle_mcd_asin_0_img

Boundaries, my friend, are not inherently un-Christian!!

You sound like a awesome, smart, wise, mature kid who's unfortunately more mature than your parents. I'm so sorry your parents are treating you this way. Please keep in contact with positive people you trust (grandma, coach, counselor, etc). This is completely your parents fault, not yours!

You might also find supportive folks in r/justnofamily and/or r/raisedbynarcissists. Not everything may apply to you, and their advice can be blunt - but I think you need to be careful with your parents and set some healthy boundaries. I also recommend the book Boundaries. It's written from a Christian perspective and is a great resource.

Remember that you cannot control what others do, say, or think.

If you cannot control something 100%, all you can do is decide how to deal with it. You can train yourself to not care about the stares and comments. Sir Anthony Hopkins said, "Other people's opinions about you are none of your business."

They can think what they want. They don't know who you are. But you do.

I suggest you read A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine.

It has helped me immensely.

Check out "How to Have Impossible Conversations".

You can care for somebody who isn't reasonable, up to a point. Depending on her willingness to have fair discussions, it may be best to simply not discuss religion/politics and stick to other subjects.