The best Christian Women's Issues books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Was she raised in a conservative religious family/church/community? Those "Purity" messages can really screw people up. Pregnancy phobia -even when the person knows better - is a thing that happens sometimes.

I recommend you spend some time watching Sexplanations together and get PURE by Linda Kay Klein and read or listen to it together (the audio book is great, and may be available through your library).

That's the lie of the TLW movement: that once you're married, all the body shaming, the whole "sex = chewed up piece of gum" horribleness, will just fly out the window on your wedding night and you'll have the most wonderful sex ever. As if people can just shed all that psychological baggage in the blink of an eye.

Personally (and thankfully) I was spared all of that. I had heard of purity rings (and that was only well after leaving Christianity) but I really didn't learn of the true awfulness of the purity movement until I read Linda Kay Klein's Pure book. Holy Toledo!

I've heard really good things about the book Pure, by Linda Kay Klein (here's the Amazon link). If money is a concern, see if your local library has it.

I 100% feel for you, I was raised with the same purity beliefs. To this day it impacts my (married) sex life, but I'm actively working through it with a professional. Highly suggest that or a therapist when you're in the financial position. Until then, there are lots of great books and so many other women who can offer you moral support. You're not alone, you're not broken, you can heal and have a healthy, happy sex life! Check out @erica.smith.sex.ed on instagram, she's the sex educator I'm working with, and she has several highlights about purity culture and recovery from it. Education and community will get you a long way until you can work with a sex-positive therapist.

Holy passive aggressive slut shaming. Gross, gross, gross.

Don't put up with this, please. Loving your family doesn't mean you have to expose yourself to this toxic garbage.

Set some boundaries, talk to your s/o about what that will mean interacting with your family in the future, let your s/o help you stick with those boundaries. Perhaps you can tell her that you aren't hiding anything, that your personal life is personal, that you are happy; that you had tried to honestly connect with her as she enters this new stage of her life; that you are deeply disappointed and saddened that she thinks so little of you and can treat you with so little respect; and that you wish her well, but will not every accept such abusive stuff from her again.

I, personally, would be extremely uncomfortable participating as MOH for such a person. I do not envy you having to figure that out.

Give her a copy of Linda Kay Klein's Pure as a wedding gift.

I really do feel for them on their wedding nights. From virginal property of their father to sexually free joyfully available property of their husband in a matter of hours. If we start a book club, we should add the book ‘Pure’ to the list. Link: https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811 It’s written by an ex-fundie woman and focuses on her experience/research of purity culture and the trauma it causes women. I need a tell-all of uncensored wedding night & the real details of the sexual dysfunction that MUST be going on.

That new book the making of biblical womanhood might be a goer.

https://www.npr.org/2021/04/15/987552105/the-making-of-biblical-womanhood-tackles-contradictions-in-religious-practice

Also the great sex rescue which is specifically about the effects on women's sex lives.

https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827

If you are woman I might recommend Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free

Not really about the CoC more about mainstream evangelical purity culture but it’s helped me and some others that grew up with toxic views around women’s sexuality.

I loved the book Pure by Linda Kay Klein. It helped me see a bit more of how damaging the system was that I was raised in.

I’m so sorry you were lied to like this. I’m glad you’re getting treatment. My SO and I haven’t had vaginal sex for the purpose of birth control, and honestly I’m a little nervous about trying now that I’m on regular people birth control. We have a toy I’ve practiced with, but it hasn’t been too successful so far. I think it’s nerves, but I’m definitely worried about vaginismis (even though i use a menstrual cup). I’m pretty happy with our sex life the way it is, but it’s frustrating that I’m so anxious about opening all avenues.

The churches i grew up in definitely failed in sex education in every way. In college, i had to explain to multiple women that pulling out doesn’t work, they could still get pregnant in their periods, and even how to use a tampon. I went to a conservative baptist college, and they put immense pressure on people to get married ASAP. You can’t go off campus together unless you’re married. You can’t go anywhere in private without being married. You weren’t allowed to touch each other in any way. Men couldn’t get ordained in the pastoral major unless they were married. You can imagine the numbers of students getting married during their undergrad or immediately after.

I know so many who ended up accidentally pregnant or had very upsetting experiences with sex when they got married so early in college.

The idea that sex magically works in marriage after remaining celibate (especially with the huge pressure to refrain from masturbation) is so unhealthy. The idea that sex is JUST missionary penetration is also so hurtful. It’s so very obvious that conservative christianity is inundated with powerful men and has a severe lack of female representation.

Good luck, fren.

Here's a pre-order link: https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+great+sex+rescue&qid=1610661223&sr=8-1

Don't know if you know who she is but she's the writer of the To Love, Honor, and Vacuum blog and her stuff lately has been really good. Probs a little heavy on the religious aspect for you, but I know you don't let that deter you from gleaning the good info.

I am confused why many comments seem to indicate "there's no purpose to being friends with women when you're married.." What? What about friendship for the sake of friendship? My wife and I have plenty of rewarding relationships with people of the opposite sex.

Consider that a lot of these comments put your neighbors sex (that is, class of person) above who she is as an individual. That you should see her as a temptation before seeing her as a human. Seems like not the greatest way to view the world.

There's a whole chapter on this sort of stuff within The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire, I'd highly recommend reading that book.

Practically speaking, this is a great conversation to have with your wife. As others mentioned, it's a boundaries thing. Should you be allowed to have one-on-one conversations or hang-outs with women? My wife and I think so for our marriage, though you ought to chat through it and respect your wife's opinion.

I'd highly recommend reading The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gergoire et al. It's new, and an incredible book. read it with your spouse if he's up for it.

Despite being very much a Christian book, I know a couple non-believers that have read it and found a lot of value. Basically, it sounds like reframing sex would be good for your relationship. He might see it as a purely physical release, and I'm not sure if you're getting much joy out of it. It should be different, pleasurable for both people, and an expression of your love rather than just orgasming for the sake of an orgasm.

On top of the needing counseling, he needs to look into porn addiction. There is more than enough data out there that proves that porn addiction causes so many problems.

Here are a couple of books to look into: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540900827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_CDWPP9MVFA4P1GE13H6C

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310334098/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_A9GYBBBZP20PKZVFF3BT

Congrats on de-constructing toxic religion. Purity culture placed an irrational burden of shame on a so, so many of us. It's hard work to throw it off, but life is so much better free of it. And re: shame about late-blooming -recognize that shame response as part of the purity culture you were taught. There is no moral failing in learning and enjoying now your body and sexuality. And there is no failure on your part for having been indoctrinated. How and when you explore your sexuality is entirely your own personal business, no one gets to shame you for that.

As I've gone through a religious deconstruction, this Maya Angelou quote has been a bit of a mantra and reassurance: Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Check out Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein (Link is to Amazon for info, but check your local book seller or library; also the audio book is read by the author and is quite good.)

I heard an interesting interview some months ago with the author of this book about growing up in a purity culture and its effects on women. What struck me is how there are so many women my age who married someone they love dearly, but have terrible sex lives from never being able to get over years of indoctrination about being pure. We're just really not designed to be told having sex is evil for years and then flip a switch so it's magically ok.

A book that really helped my wife deconstruct the influence of purity culture on her was “Pure” by Linda Kay Klein.

https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/150112482X/ref=asc_df_150112482X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=343209923405&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14416730512136904864&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqm...

> But most importantly, if you really don’t want sex before marriage, never be alone together

Is that you, Josh Harris from 1999? https://www.amazon.com/Kissed-Dating-Goodbye-Joshua-Harris/dp/1590521358

I don't have time to explain to you the substantial and monumental differences between the two. But do yourself a favor and educate yourself before continuing to make such an ignorant comparison. I suggest you start by reading (A House Full of Females: Plural Marriage and Women's Rights in Early Mormonism, 1835-1870)[https://www.amazon.com/House-Full-Females-Mormonism-1835-1870/dp/0307594904] by Harvard history professor Dr. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. He work outlines how plural marriage actually expanded the rights and freedoms of women in Utah compared to the condition women in most of the Western world faced and how plural marriage is directly tied to an increase in women's education, Utah women gaining the right to vote, and the power of when to choose to have children, among others.

For the educated on the issue there is no comparison. Something you would understand if you read their actual words instead of making what you surely thought was a deadly riposte but which is entirely uninformed.

Hey OP! Might I suggest you get this book?👇

https://www.amazon.ca/Great-Rescue-Sheila-Wray-Gregoire/dp/1540900827

It’s a book written and researched by Christian women, and you and your spouse could work through it together. It’s been immensely helpful in my marriage!

God Bless you both, as you walk together through this time.

You may want to educate yourself a bit more about purity culture. It's far beyond the simple idea of reserving sex till marriage. That bit is pretty straight forward. When people talk about purity culture, the emphasis is on the culture aspect. The real life consequences coming from certain attitudes about sex, the ways shame is used by others and oneself, the ideas about purity itself and the value of sex, how women are valued, lies and myths about sex, and much more.

There's a lot of info/resources out there about people recovering from the pains this has caused. I'd recommend the book, Pure by Linda Kay Klein.

https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811

If you want real data, the people at Bare Marriage surveyed 20,000 Christian and secular women and wrote a book on their findings.

https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=15Y4DR2AS7BRG&keywords=the+great+sex+rescue&qid=1659059656&sprefix=great+sex+%2Caps%2C112&sr=8-1

I suggest reading https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827 really good book that looks at a survey of 20,000 evangelical woman, their beliefs about sex and the impact it has on sexual satisfaction, frequency of sex etc.

Well worth exploring underpinning belief systems etc.

A House Full of Females is a great book on polygamy and women in the early church by a Pulitzer Prize winning Harvard professor. It uses primary sources (mostly journals), goes a lot into women giving blessings, speaking in tongues, and prophesying with the explicit permission of Joseph Smith.

Author is LDS in good standing.

My only criticism is that most of the sources are journals of “Mormon royalty” - Wilford woodruff and the wives of Joseph Smith and Brigham young. In defense of the author, those are the interesting journals that have survived and are accessible to historians.

https://www.amazon.com/House-Full-Females-Mormonism-1835-1870/dp/0307594904

I don't think this book can replace some solid abuse recovery/therapy, but it is exceptionally healthy material. I found it very helpful.

There is a chapter (10) that could be triggering for you.

https://www.amazon.ca/Great-Rescue-Sheila-Wray-Gregoire/dp/1540900827

Others have made good suggestions, but I'll add one as well. There is a very toxic Christian book that is fairly well known to the people my age called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris.

The book is about "courting" not dating. He says you should only date or court a girl if you are financially ready for marriage. He says a lot of other garbage too like asking the girls father before you start "courting" but if you could pick up a copy of that, (you'll probably have to read some of it), and then claim to live its ideals, it could buy you years of not having to explain why you're not pursuing girls.

The book is awful, it truly is. Even the author has said he regrets writing it, but in this case it may do some good for someone.

It seems the book is out of print, but Amazon has it for around $8.00

Well said. It reminds me of some of the core messages in Sheila and Keith Gregoire's book The Great Sex Rescue, which goes into detail on how harmful purity culture is to young women (and men) and marriages. I don't think some of the people in this thread realize how harmful purity culture is - it destroys marriages and causes a level of psychological damage in women on par with sexual abuse. Not to mention destroys the faith of millions.

Highly recommend Christian Youtuber apologist InspiringPhilosphy's video on this topic.

You haven't ruined anything, honey (Mom, here). Truly. And you absolutely have the right to end this relationship if you want to. I was brought up staunch Southern Baptist, was a virgin when I married at 23. I have three girls and I'm raising them very differently! Please read this book--the truth will set you free! Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free https://smile.amazon.com/dp/150112482X/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_TP9J96MVHPK6DDJEMC6S

This book helped me understand how “purity culture” had given me a twisted sense of gods view of modesty and purity. And gave me the words to put to the confusion I had felt for so long.

I would be happy to Venmo you the money to buy yourself a copy. PM me if that’s not too weird.

The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540900827/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_HKFWV2HSS455FEB23690

Is it hard to even have sex without talking about it? What if you want something different than you're getting?

Off topic, but I have a book recommendation for you.

Are you willing to read some books? If so, these two might help you:

1. For Women Only
2. Through a Man's Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Men

When it comes to sex, men and women are wired very differently. Some of this is a habit, and for a sexually expressive man who identifies deeply with his sexuality, yea, this is a tough one.

My wife still struggles with any kind of discussion of my visual nature. Some women really just can't handle that men are wired differently.

The other question is how much are you dressing up for your husband to get his attention?

You’re in a tough spot. I grew up with the evangelical purity movement and, even as rebellious as I was, it was hard to shake off. I fully did, however, a couple of my friends couldn’t get past it. It still colors their world in our 50’s.

There’s a book that might possibly provide a little more insight into what your wife and too many others have felt. If you haven’t seen it already check-out Pure by Linda Kay Klein .

Best of luck to you both whether you stay together or not.