The best Dating books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

A lot of the issues are psychological in nature. I wasn’t a “neck beard” but I was a “nice guy”. There are several issues with “nice guy” thinking/behavior:

1. The incessant people pleasing or the inability to say no due to a fear and or lack of ability in handling conflict
2. Lack of boundaries
   
3. Covert contracts - the “if I’m nice to you, you’ll be nice to me” or “if I help you, then you’ll help me” thinking that goes on behind the scenes that is never fully verbalized
4. Lack of understanding that one has needs, it’s ok to pursue said needs, and you are the only person who can fulfill those needs.
   
5. Indirect pursuit of needs - If you need help, ask for help. You don’t help someone thinking they’ll help you in return when it was never promised. Etc.

This book changed my life:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I highly recommend you read the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover, he tackles extacly all of the things you mention.

• porn addiction
• masturbation
• not having needs fulfilled in childhood, which leads to drama in adulthoood
• learning how to communicate own needs
• learning how to set boundaries
• learn to love and show affection

It isn't a pick-up, or a seduction book, it is a self help book for men. Oh and if you are in America, there are No more Mr. Nice Guy support groups, which will highly increase your recovery success.

https://archive.org/stream/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy_djvu.txt

4.6/5 in Amazon with more than 4000 ratings, the book is that good.

https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Robert-Glover/dp/0762415339

I read it a while back, but I think I am going to read it again, since I realize I may have fallen in old habits deemed detrimental to my wellbeing.

its really tough but know it gets better. browsing the exnocontact subreddit in moments of weakness helps. making new goals helps. crying helps. this book helps (she has a youtube too). posting here helps. exercise helps (especially rigorous cardio/hiit type stuff). it's just a bunch of a little things that come together day by day as you get through it, which you will. there is also an app called 'i am' that is affirmations (this is on ios not sure about android) and there is a selection called 'heartbroken' and it will send affirmation notifications to your phone regarding breakups and healing i've found it to be soothing. hang in there <3

Read this book! It is not about becoming a dick to others but learning to stand up for yourself

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No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

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"Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

I like the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Be prepared to do some deep digging and to uncover some painful hangups you have about yourself, the world, and your childhood. The biggest one for me: Acting perfect is actually boring and repels people, because it's fake and everyone knows it. As long as you wear a "perfect person" mask, you will never be able to make real connections with anyone. Peoples' flaws are what make them interesting to others. To make real connections with people, you have to be vulnerable. The more open you make yourself to being hurt, the more opportunities to connect with others you will have. The second biggest hangup for me: Acting needy is something almost nobody likes, except maybe your mom. It is nobody's job to meet your needs, except you. It's not immoral or bad to go after what you want and to be honest about it. People generally respect that, a lot more than they respect acting nice.

For dating advice, check out Models by Mark Manson.

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

It's good advice, and it's not sleazy, which is great.

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Also. Women like hot guys. Just like YOU like hot women. After the baseline of feeling safe around someone is established, women want the guy who is aggressive, driven, handsome, strong, tall, competent, and dominant. They don't want a little boy. That doesn't make them whores, it makes them women. I don't imagine you look at how nice a girl acts as the primary indicator of attractiveness. You look at their looks, their interests, their personality, their sense of humor. Well, so do women.

I'd strongly suggest picking up a copy of Models for your buddy. The book tends to be honest, insightful, and offer lots of actionable advice for building a romantic connection.

Your wife doesn't respect you, simple as that. The problem isn't her, its you. Do yourself a favor and read this book before you go see a divorce lawyer, trust me it WILL HELP.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

You really should see a therapist brother. I think one on one in-person discussions with someone whose really well equipped to help you cope with your brokenness and anger would do a world of good.. with some consistent effort to talk it out on your part.

Some therapists suck.. but some don’t.. so I suggest looking until you find one that seems warm and down to earth (could be the first one you sit down with).

Whatever you choose to do, there’s definitely more emotions and personal history that needs to be addressed and come to peace with.

I wish you the absolute best of luck with everything.

Here’s a couple books that’ve helped me in the past (one about women specifically), maybe you read them and gain something, maybe you don’t. I’m sure not all of it’s applicable to your specific situation but I don’t really know what else to offer.

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_RD39NVXVJJ0NW9M768AC

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_QDAMN3QZ5AHEB9Q0G820

Peace and love for whatever you choose to do.

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A Glover. Let me get this straight. You have a master's degree and you're making six figures.

Your girlfriend is an unemployed couch surfing parasitic leech with barely a high school education, who spends all her time on her hobby which she never earns any money or considers charging people. Then bitches at you constantly about how she thinks your job is a joke, and other passive-agressive abuse.

The issue is you tried to turn a hustler into a housewife.

She's hustling you. 100%. She doesn't respect you because she has no respect, and more importantly you don't respect yourself.

The issue is you're a doormat with no ability to set boundaries.

I’m not a guy, sorry, but Mark Manson’s site PostMasculine always struck me as the least douchey of these types of things. His book Models seems to be well-received, too.

To anyone wondering what's wrong with that message, I'd recommend reading Mark Manson's blog and his book, <em>Models: Attracting Women through Honesty</em>. Both elaborate extensively on strong boundries, being open and sincere about one's feelings (which Mark calls "vulnerability" — a misnomer, in my opinion) and the kinds of romantic relationships one could end up in, including abusive ones.

I was long time in a PUA community because I was interested in developing my social skills so I would be in better position in means of landing into a relationship. I was put off by the misogynistic and manipulative stuff but saw a lot of legit social psychology which was compatible with ethics behind other types of advice. There are a different levels there, "negging" and similar emotionally abusive tactics are considered to be a really low paradigm stuff and there are authors/PUAs like Mark Manson and David Deida. They promote a lot more wholesome PUA-culture that is based on developing yourself as a best version of yourself while renouncing emotional manipulation, misogyny and the whole egoic mindset common in PUA-circles.

Sort of! It works sometimes.

The idea of these "scripts" isn't that they have such a high success rate, it's that when you run a "script" over and over on different women, the rejection doesn't feel as personal as when you painstakingly came up with something unique for each woman.

When people reject this profile, it's not personal. He didn't write it. When he tries a script in each conversation and gets unmatched, it's not personal. It's not his script. They're not rejecting him, he just needs to find better material. In a rejection-rich environment like Tinder (and dating in general), this can be really liberating.

For profiles in particular, you can think of them kind of like the spam e-mail from the African prince. It's misspelled and obviously fake, and that's on purpose. The only people who respond are gullible, confused, etc.--the perfect target.

This profile is targeted at people who want some nice abs to play with and are kind of into assholes, and there really are plenty of women who fit in that category, at least sometimes. Again: the perfect target.

Edit: If you haven't read The Game by Neil Strauss, I highly recommend it. It's very entertaining and, I think, really captures the spirit of the movement.

> I treat and spoil my kids so much. I show them so much love, I do the same to my wife. But I feel totally ignored in terms of any of my own needs.

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Let me translate this for you:

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>I put everyones wants and needs above my own, teaching them that my wants and needs are less important then theirs

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This is a dynamic you have actively built day after day and now you seemed surprised by it. You repeatedly CHOOSE to ignore your own wants and needs and then wonder why they aren't being met. Make different choices and things will look a lot different.

You can see/make friends, you can go do things you want to do, but you choose not to because you value your wife's happiness above your own. Not surprisingly her and the kids have adopted the same mindset, where their happiness carries more value then your own.

Pick up a hobby/interest and get out and do something a few hours each week.

Plan activities and invite the family, go even if they choose not to join.

There are a million ways you can start putting yourself first without being disrespectful. Will your wife like it all the time? No. But using that as your primary decision making factor has gotten you to where you are now.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

read that book as a start

Curious if this has effected your sex life yet? Do you have the frequency and quality of sex you would like?

I know I sound like a broken record but here are my thoughts. I have been married for 25 years. The first 23 sucked because I tried to tell her what she wanted to hear and not the truth. Once again I am going to recommend the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover. All Men are taught at an early age to please women, Mother, Then all female teachers and so on it has been this way since the early 60's when male role models disappeared and the rise of the divorced single mom.

The first 23 years of my marriage we spent trying to keep the peace and if I had to lie to do it that was fine. The problem was no one respects a wimp that lies about everything and kisses everyone's ass. After reading the book (its also on audio) I started being honest no matter who got pissed off. My wife could now rely on me giving her the truth. Yes that outfit makes you look fat, Yes you are being a bitch. When this honesty comes out, women will be upset and pissed off but later they will respect you for telling them. For the women who walk away.... Let them....

By being honest with my wife, and I have told her how close I was to walking out on her, How I feel when shes a bitch.... we have had some major come to Jesus meetings. Today I get laid more that I ever did by her in my 40's and 30's. Their is more peace in my home because when something is bugging me its addressed and worked out.

If I was young again I would either go MGTOW or I would be very very careful who I chose to fuck with and start a relationship with. Plus for you young guys its so much fun to just speak your mind, Call bullshit when you hear it and let women know that you could careless if they are mad at you.

This book is not about hating Women.... I would say its more a guide for going from a blue pill simp to a 100% male red pill guy

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I'm dealing with it right now too, and I've dealt with it before so I know how it works. It really just takes time. It stings a little less each day. Even though there are moments of overwhelming feelings that may even feel more intense than before, the overall average is lower over time. If you can look back to when you first blocked him to now you can see it's already gotten better, and it will keep getting better. Then one day you wake up and you realize you haven't thought of him for a while and you won't realize when it happened it just.. did. And maybe every once in a while you'll get a sting from a painful memory but it won't consume you.

Also taking breaks is good but at the same time we need to feeling our feelings to get through them. So know that it's normal to feel intense anger, sadness, and everything in between because repressing them makes the healing process go on longer. It is 'work' like anything else but this work takes place in the emotional sphere. It's intense so self care is really important. I've used the book Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You multiple times for multiple breakups lol and it is the only one of it's type that actually works because it really gets down to the nitty gritty. It's not easy but it's real change. She also has a Youtube channel (I put the vids oldest to newest because her older ones go through more of the book stuff in the beginning) but if you can get the book too that is better because it goes through things in a really methodical way.

I saw this elsewhere on this sub, and burned through the audiobook in less than a week. It is about an 8 hour listen, and you can skip the first chapter, which is just the author talking about what has gone on from one book revision to the next.

I was absolutely floored by how much the thing resonates with me. The chapters wind up offset. The audiobook chapter one is the rehash I mentioned, chapter 2 is a preface, and chapter 3 is chapter 1. Audiobook chapter 2 and the first five minutes of chapter 3 just had me nailed to the wall, not to mention the relationship to my wife. If you have amazon prime, the audiobook is free if you log in with your amazon credentials:

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ySueEbZFJPF5K

Be warned - it isn’t comfortable to listen to. A whole lot of introspection comes up from it.

EDIT - another warning, it can be a bit sexist in places, but being wrongheaded in one place doesn’t invalidate his points as a whole. Try to be open-minded going in.

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7H06A02S2HNDQ9WK74N9

This book changed my life. A great guide for people who struggle with pleasing others, especially men. In my late twenties I woke up one day realizing I hated my life, and that I was because I would give up what I wanted to make other people happy.

Long story short I learned:

• I have needs, only I know what they are, only I can fulfill them
• I have to do what is in my best interest regardless of how other people react
• There’s nothing wrong or selfish about taking care of your needs or making them a priority
• There’s nothing wrong with saying no - and 90%+ of the time most people don’t care/it’s not that big of a deal to them if I say no.

Absolutely life changing.

I recommend every single man on this planet to read it. It was one of the most eye opening books I've ever read and completely changed how I saw the world and myself. Sure, there's a few attributes that didn't quite fit for me, but on the few that did, I just paused and was absolutely shooketh.

If anyone here has even an inkling that they might have some Nice Guy tendencies, please please please buy it. You will not regret it. I wish I read this book when I was 18 or so, but what's done is done. I'm glad with where I'm at right now and that's partially due to this book. Read it.

Here, I even got the amazon link ready for you. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Edit: Oh and make sure you actually do the exercises that he asks you to do. Just like with Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends, it becomes pretty obvious when a reader actually follows the instructions as asked

I feel like you left off the last part of your sentence.

"I feel like people don't give a shit about me."

You have a problem with self-worth. You don't see your own intrinsic value. Going out on a limb here since your successful at charity fundraising. Are you a "Nice Guy"? If so, read this. It helped me immensely. Read the first few pages on Amazon and see if it describes you. If so, definitely pick it up.

So I started a summer job at an Amazon warehouse and shipped a book titled "Why Men Love Bitches" the other day. Apparently this shit goes both ways and people believe it enough to write and read books about it. So I'm not surprised if OP's creep saw a random video and was inspired.

Even though it is directed towards men, I highly recommended Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. It gives a lot of examples of common dynamics and gives helps gets you in a good headspace to approach the question prompt.

My girl said the exact same thing.

I highly recommend this book for your husband, it helped me tremendously. He may have read it already.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OxVtFbRN7HGAK

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

Reading this book really helped me out, I’m hopeful it will help you too.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7GSZ7TM68S4Z9C57CYQH

I recommend two books for getting out of this mindset:

"No More Mr. Nice Guy"Amazon Link

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" Amazon Link

My TLDR is that we romanticize way too hard because this honeymoon type of living is literally a drug. We were trained to go to extremes like in Romeo and Juliet. We need to chill out and let things come to us. Work on your life and love yourself, letting someone in rather than chasing after someone.

In the meantime, if you're interested in reading...I recommend something on attachment theory. I bet you'll find that very insightful.

IDK that I recommend starting here, but this online course on couples communication is excellent. My partner and I went through this during the pandemic. Took us about 4 months, but it really is great. But I'd say this is "part deux" after you figure out why you're feeling the way you are.

You need to read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi brother. Changed my life for the better in so many ways and now have a very healthy relationship with women. If you want I'll send you a copy, DM me.

Hey you're definitely not alone out there in realizing these feelings and at 32.5 plenty of time to make a change. You may want to check out the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. (https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339) While much of the focus of the book is on dating and relationships there's also lots of general life advice about how to improve yourself and disengage from the "people pleaser" mentality that many men were unwittingly trained to be as children.

I suggest you take a look at the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A Glover. As a fellow guy with self esteem and self respect issues this book helped me immensely. I'm not sure what country you live in but it is currently on sale on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

This is not a you problem. It is a your BF problem.

He needs to cut the umbilical cord and become a fully realized, independent adult, who lives by his own values. He needs to set boundaries with his parents that are about how they treat you (and him).

I would recommend that he read <em>No More Mr. Nice Guy</em>. I would also recommend that he spend some time in /r/raisedbynarcissists.

What you have to decide is how much of this you are willing to tolerate and how long you are willing to wait for him to stand up to them and put them in their place.

(Not to be dramatic, but he really needs to give them the "This is the woman I love, if you love and respect me, you will accept her as your own or lose me" speech.)