Weirdly enough, all emotional states are survival techniques that can become learned, unconscious, repetitive algorithms just like brushing our teeth . Depression can be viewed as the wonderful "hero" that can put us in a hopeless/helpless mode of submission when we are in danger and fighting or fleeing are not viable. Recurring depression usually comes from early life experiences where the 4 things you just listed were actually helpful belief systems to hinder activity that could bring immense shame/harm to you.
For example, if trying to connect with my parent always leaves me feeling like I am annoying them, concluding that "no one cares" will help me from approaching others and potentially facing this feeling of being let down and being an annoyance. When we learn early on that approaching connection makes things worse, and one cannot control or escape their experience, submission is your best choice.
"You are a burden" is nothing more than a survival mechanism that helped you survive extremely difficult, perhaps traumatic experiences. Weird, huh?
If you'd like to read more, I recommend Janina Fischer's book https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragmented-Selves-Trauma-Survivors/dp/0415708230
Herschel has some serious mental health issues, dating from way back. I'm not terribly surprised he's thrown his hat in with the GOP.
https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Dissociative-Identity-Disorder/dp/1416537503
Hi there! Lemme just say I'm happy to hear you're in a good place and looking to continue healing and learning. Congrats for getting to this point, and I hope your journey goes well from here!
As far as book recommendations go, several people here are reading Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation and come together for a weekly book club thread (run by our very own u/puppydeathfarts .) If you're looking for a good book to dive into with people who can relate, I'd recommend joining!
Have a look at Janina Fisher's book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors. It's about structual dissociation and also talks about therapeutic methods useful to help address it, including IFS. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragmented-Selves-Trauma-Survivors/dp/0415708230
Here is another book:
https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X
I'm hearing good things about "parts work" for anyone with dissociation. I think that is also related to internal family systems, but I'm not entirely clear on that.
I took mushrooms with my ex girlfriend and experienced a very intense disassociation episode that she had. It was heart breaking to see her there but not “there”. She was numb to everything including myself. She told me that she had suffered from disassociation before but until that moment I had no clue what it actually was. I took it upon myself to try to help as much as I could. First thing I can recommend is educating yourself as much as possible on the disorder. I bought this workout that has been an EXCELLENT resource.
Coping with Trauma-Related... https://www.amazon.com/dp/039370646X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Secondly, I can’t recommend finding a therapist who specializes in ptsd/disassociation enough. Finding out the core cause of the disorder and all your triggers is huge but having a professional be able to guide you through the healing process will be invaluable. It’s a terrible disorder but it is one that can be managed and overcome through lots of hard work and a willingness to seek help. My best wishes for you in your journey of healing.
it's expensive but my specialist bought me this textbook and it's been helpful. if you want i can send you a picture of the chapter list and you can see if it interests you
I’d do a quick google search and try to find a therapist that specializes in PTSD and disassociation. Also, it just so happens in reading a book on it that I can’t recommend enough.
Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://www.amazon.com/dp/039370646X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZRE3JF975QHD87KJ5TNV?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I hope it helps!
I am only quitting due to medical tbh. I need to work because I'm broke but physically csnt. Neuro referred me to another specialist and now I will edit m I hope they understood I quit this time.
I have the Amazon link to what I showed her. I csnt see psych until I stabilize medical so better than nothing!
Amazon.com: The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole (9781623158248): Arielle Schwartz PhD, Jim Knipe PhD: Books https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543911120&sr=8-1-spons&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+complex+ptsd+workbook&psc=1
I was faded but I know I need help. So. Eh. This is why I like this place! I relate to the puke and shit and shit!!!@ and also I'm lonely and this is all true and I see no shame because we all have issues I appreictar you all.
With the caveat that it is absolutely best to work through these issues with a professional, I realize that's not always a feasible or comfortable option. This workbook is one of the tools I'm using with my therapist that might be helpful.
Cool, yeah the article is really helpful.
I mentioned a book in that post too: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragmented-Selves-Trauma-Survivors/dp/0415708230/
That goes into much more detail about structural dissociation, how we are these fragmented selves and not a whole individual. If you're looking to understand the where these things come from and techniques for how to deal with it, it's a great read and pretty accessible.
Give this book a try:
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher
Specifically chapter 7: Working with Suicidal, Self-Destructive, Eating Disordered, and Addicted Parts
(The anger can be thought of as a self-destructive part).
That book gave me a paradigm shift several months ago. I would have described myself similarly to what you write in this OP, at least back then.
Its main audience is therapists, but if you can get past that it's well worth the time and price.
TY. Forensic populations. Tough work. I admire you.
Bessel's the Bomb. Pete Walker's book is useful, as well. Lately I've been recommending Arielle Schwartz's workbook. It's a very good "launchpad."
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Agreed, and I would just like to take this opportunity to plug another fantastic book on parts and dissociation: The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization
Did John Fetterman ever publish a ghost written book about his struggles with Multiple Personality Disorder? Nope.
However... Herschel "Werewolf" Walker sure as hell did.
https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Dissociative-Identity-Disorder/dp/1416537503
here ya go - make sure you get your Xmas order in there!
Amazon has some great journals. They have different designs DID Journal
Or that he wrote a book about having Dissociative Identity Disorder! Wonder which personality we're gonna get today from our Senator? He doesn't even know himself! Might as well roll the dice.
I mean, I feel bad for him, but my god, I don't want him in charge of me.
https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Dissociative-Identity-Disorder/dp/1416537503
I got my formal diagnoses after menopause made it all worse, BUT- I still think formal diagnosis is just a tool to help find the best treatment options/types of therapy. So I don’t take it tooooo seriously. That’s why even though I’m NOT bpd, i love the workbook! I kinda forgot it’s a complex bpd book so I think it’s even better. There’s also a “normal” bpd one on Amazon. I have a CPTSD one too if anyone is interested. They’re both Amazon links below! (:
His severe and documented mental health issues is the subtitle of his book (dissociative identity disorder) https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Dissociative-Identity-Disorder/dp/1416537503?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=c25187b2-3081-4c2b-b61c-3f25cf47a847
You can read his Book: Breaking Free: My Life with Dissociative Identity Disorder
I truly do not understand why no one is running attack ads based solely on the fact that he is severely mentally ill, with dozens of personalities, who tried to kill his wife, and which he wrote an entire book about.
Why are we even talking about an abortion, or jokes about trans teens, when he is literally mentally ill.
And consider getting TMS therapy - https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2021/10/depression-treatment.html
This stuff didn’t cure me but it helped me significantly, if you live in a non rural area chances are you have a TMS center near you. You can also YouTube TMS to see how it works more if you want
While I don't doubt that football injuries haven't helped his situation any, in his case, by his own admission, he suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which was definitely not caused by football. In fact, he's literally written a book on it.
The DSM notwithstanding, BPD acts more like a dissociative disorder than a personality disorder, and the structural dissociation model that treats it as such informs some of the best treatments around for trauma survivors.
The mood swings of pwBPD—indeed, nearly all nine diagnostic criteria, not to mention the fact that many if not most pwBPD hear voices—make perfect sense as the result of OSDD-style proto-alters cycling in and out of control of the system.
Just read all nine criteria while pretending they’re about someone with OSDD, and you’ll see it.
Clients like this are extremely challenging for therapists. I also feel bad for the client. The person must have experienced a huge amount of trauma to get to this point. Pace yourself and if necessary, consult or refer out to a DID specialist. If the person is dissociating like this, you might be seeing just the tip of the iceberg of their trauma.
This is a really good book for trauma based dissociation: https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X
I can’t stand it either. Grew up with it my whole life and then lived with someone for 7 years. I want to say so much but everyone below is correct. It’s a struggle. Therapy is the best thing and staying away from people who make you feel like you are “too sensitive “ for not being ok with their harmful behaviors. Also this CPTSD workbook has helped tremendously too: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=61548573492&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI27WdvumF-QIVLBXUAR0GVgQWEAAYASAAEgKT5vD_BwE&hvadid=274815918130&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1015537&hvnetw...
Thinking of you and wishing you well ❤️
Yes, it helped change my perspective on medication a lot when she said that to me! And I am sorry that you are having such debilitating anxiety... It is absolutely horrifying and you're right-paralyzing. Another thing that helped me a lot is this CPTSD workbook, which gave me a lot of good strategies and I was able to work through it with my therapist. I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249/ref=pd_lpo_2?pd_rd_i=1623158249&psc=1
I wish you well!
I want to suggest a book to you for your PTSD that has helped me a lot. It’s called The Complex PTSD Workbook. I went through a really rough childhood as well, I hope you are able to get this book and it can help you.