The best Divorce & Separation Family Law books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

James Sexton, divorce attorney and author of If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late frequently explains in his interviews that marriage is the second most significant legal event in your life (with your death being the most important). Everyday people look over contracts to buy a house, car, occupation etc, and sometimes even have lawyers for those. But they agree to a marriage license in the same manner as agreeing to the Terms of Service after downloading Angry Birds on their phone.

When you get married, you are combining two financial entities, with all of its assets and debts. In fact, combining finances was one of the original functions of marriage. The concept of marriage for love is a relatively new phenomenon, going back about 100 years.

As a person who likes to be well informed before making decisions, I wanted to know what are the reasons why marriages fall apart before proposing to my SO. I highly recommend watching Marriage Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer with James Sexton. It's 75 min long, but you can watch it at a faster playback speed and pick up all of the info. It's more informative than I would have guessed by reading the title.

I want to strongly discourage you from going forward with your original line of thinking. No attorney can protect you from a bad life partner, this is no joke. In a bad marriage, the divorce may actually turn out to be the best aspect of the marriage.

Married or not, your spouse can make you wish you never lived and do things to your life that you never dreamed could happen. And this is why selecting your partner is where 100% of your focus should go to protect yourself, and 0% to finding a divorce attorney until you are forced to cross that bridge.

Buy this book used if you need more convincing that I'm right, https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0961593806/

Absolutely - that is why I just don't do it. Also, I find dating super repetitive and boring.

I think where we differ is that I do not get super attached for months, even after having sex. And I generally find sex boring. When a guy leaves, I am usually sad for like 2-3 weeks and then its meh.

You need to identify why you are anxious and obsessive first. Yes - sex bonds us to another really well but why is it hard to let go for you?

On the perfection and having problems thing - my shit stinks, so his is going to as well. Understanding that you're two imperfect people will totally help you to have compassion and navigate difficult communication. Its gonna happen but unless its abusive, do not stress.

Lastly, therapy can help! You don't have to go forever and ever, but even going for a while can help you work through these things. It has for me.

Also, reading this book has changed all of my romantic relationships and views on them: https://www.amazon.ca/Youre-Office-Its-Already-Late/dp/1250130778

You can delete the apps and try and meet people in person. Its up to you! You just need to learn to kinda view dates as "interviews" but don't act like a Manager on a Panel. Don't attach anything to it and just get to know them!

I hope this helps!

My all time favorite book that I will always recommend is “If you’re in my office, it’s already too late.”

Here’s a link to it and a very great interviewthat hits on some points on the book.

The premise is a “what not to do” book from a divorce lawyer fingering out what essentially went wrong. It’s also a HILARIOUS book with amazing voice.

https://www.amazon.com/Youre-Office-Its-Already-Late/dp/1250130778/?_encoding=UTF8&pf_rd_p=178d1a4d-962e-4497-b328-a577abcf2443&pd_rd_wg=8IxmL&pf_rd_r=1937YPAYK7VT0DXVNJ6A&pd_rd_w=7acmT&pd_rd_r=78ae08e3-a24d-40e7-b953-c516376c2...

This book: https://www.amazon.ca/Youre-Office-Its-Already-Late/dp/1250130778

Its called, "If youre in my office, its already too late". Amazing read about what makes relationships fail from the eyes of a divorce lawyer. This book changed my life and the way that I relate to others better than any text I have ever read. Because it plainly laid out what people do and how to correct it.

What I got from it is that it doesn't matter what your attachment style is, you need to pay attention to others and communicate. If you can't do that, you will always fall into problems. I have actually implemented those two things and seen my relationships change drastically.

I'm still avoidant, but a communicative avoidant. Is that a thing? haha

There is always a path back. It’s uphill but it’s totally doable. You can mend relationships, and you can show up and be kind.

This will taking responsibility for your own behaviors and owning. This will take asking apologizing for hurt caused…more than once for the kids until it sinks.

There is an excellent book that walks you through how you rebuild bridges. It’s totally doable.

Overcoming the Alienation Crisis: 33 Coparenting Solutions https://www.amazon.com/dp/1735099406/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_JH4SHXJPX9EVF2XHRQEB

So despite being in the uk, I read this book:

The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce: And How to Avoid Them https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0307589803/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_36BV1VS0YJ9BCWQ29PRA

I found it really useful. Basically , in court, you get to state your case first if you file first

I prefer coming to this sub and reading the comments. I can't take these books, they are just so full of red pills i end of choking. I need that shit in smaller doses. although I highly suggest

https://www.amazon.com/Predatory-Female-Dating-Marriage-Divorce-Industry/dp/0961593806

that book will rip out any preconceptions you ever had about women and strip it to its core principles. before and after reading that i simply looked at women completely differently.

One the time has passed in your state he can be granted a divorce whether you cooperate or not. How do you think he and a judge are going to react when you're making it hard? The minute the divorce is final you're going to be dropped. However if you cooperate and are cordial you may get him to agree to keeping you on the insurance for a longer time. Or get the agreement to get him to pay for your insurance for some additional time.

You're only hurting yourself by being obstinate. The divorce WILL happen regardless of your cooperation and/or feeling about it. You should grow up and work it out so that you get the best results possible for yourself and your kids.

I'd suggest you obtain a copy of this book: The Wiser Divorce - Positive strategies for your next best life

The writer is a very smart divorce attorney and she talks a lot about how you go about divorcing in the best and kindest way for all involved. It will change your point of view.

> I'd like to gift him a book that could share some insight and advice on what he should be expecting to experience in basic training and beyond.

This and this

California Family Law attorney here.

Start by finding a mediator. In most states, a mediator can be an attorney, or it an be a marriage counselor or a financial planner. But if you find a divorce mediator, they will get you started on what you need. If you and the STBX are truly amicable, it sounds more like you need to fight your way through the administrivia of the courts with all their bloody forms.

If you are in California and think you can do it, or at least want to see if that is feasible, then I do suggest looking at my book (as they say here in Tennessee, it's a sorry dog that don't wag its own tail), as it does lead you in a step-by-step and is written specifically for your situation. But if you're not in CA, I am not sure how helpful it can be.

I don't get why you'd want to remain married. What's the point - there seems to be no support or love or concern on his part towards you.

Is there some other reason you didn't mention why you wouldn't want a divorce? Was he like this during your "10 year best friendship"?

As /u/Justkeepbreathing123 says if someone wants a divorce you can't stop it. You can only make it heart breaking, expensive and destructive but you can't stop it. Every state has procedures for filing for divorce without the consent of their spouse.

I'd suggest you read this book - The Wiser Divorce. It's an excellent book from a divorce and family lawyer showing how you can come out of divorce with a positive plan for the rest of your life and how making it difficult is just a plan for destroying your own life.

I agree. I don't think people have any expectation of how much more it will cost them to settle in court (lawyers fees) and what a chance they take that the judge will laugh at them.

This point is very clear in a book I often recommend called The Wiser Divorce: Positive Strategies for Your Next Best Life written by a family and divorce lawyer.

Unless there are hundreds of thousand of dollars at stake, your increased costs are often more than the cost of the asset. And your goal of coming out of a divorce as better, kinder person is going to be shattered in the adversarial nature of divorce via courts.

Interesting. Here in PA we have Collaborative Divorce (one step up from mediation) where the divorcing parties and their collaborative lawyers meet and agree to have an mutual agreement as to divorce without any court. Part of the agreement is that no information disclosed in the collaboration can be used if the agreement is not met which really encourages people from breaking the collaboration since you'd have to start over with more lawyers.

When I tell my wife we're going to divorce I'm really hoping she'll be rational enough to go through with this. We have no kids and I'm planning on a fair division of assets so maybe.

If you think this might work for you I'd suggest you read this book - The Wiser Divorce: Positive Strategies for Your Next Best Life. It's written by a family lawyer in AZ who really pushes the idea that you need to separate your emotions from the business of divorce and do what's fair and right without a lot of cost or legal machinery. It's a good read.

> I really don't think she can fathom the idea of a stay at home parent that is male and has swung my wife around to that way of thinking (this is another thing we discussed way back when that has since fallen by the wayside.).

This is false. What actually happened is that your wife has been discussing the possibility of divorce with her mother for a long time now (since before she moved back home, certainly). Your wife is undoubtedly talking to a divorce lawyer, who is telling her what to do in order to secure the best deal for herself. Her mother is conspiring with her to get the best deal possible in the impending divorce. Two days after you move out, you'll be served with divorce papers, and one of the complaints listed will be that you abandoned your family and moved out. "Desertion" is one of the "fault" grounds for a divorce. You need to grow the fuck up right now and start learning about divorce. Go to a bookstore tonight and buy a book on divorce and read it. Do not leave the house until you know what the hell you are doing.

Something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Rules-Men-Managing-Thousands/dp/0471360295

YOUR WIFE IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE. NEITHER IS HER MOTHER.

Messy. You haven't seen messy yet. But you can't avoid it, and trying to avoid "messy" will hurt you terribly.

Do you want custody of the children (i.e., to ever see them again)? Do you want to be their father? Or do you just want to be the guy who sends checks? What's your answer?