The best
Dysfunctional Relationships eBooks:
Reddit reviews
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
The best of Dysfunctional Relationships eBooks by number of unique Reddit comments:
Top Reddit reviews mentioning Dysfunctional Relationships eBooks:
This is definitely a red flag, and it's not a healthy reaction to hypothetical cheating. I think when he said "you're not going to cheat on me so you have nothing to worry about," it was really threatening and was basically the same as saying "if you cheat on me, I really will do this."
Why Does He Do That is a book that was written by a counselor who specializes in working with controlling and toxic/abusive men. He uses his knowledge of how abusers think and his history of work to help women understand if their relationship has escalated to abuse, recognize abusive and controlling behavior in their partners, and inform women on how to leave an abusive relationship.
You can read it here for free.
This book has seriously helped me and other women that I know. I'm not saying that your partner is abusive, because only YOU can determine that. But this book will help you to figure out what's going on and give you strategies to deal with this kind of behavior. And if what you want is to leave, this book can help you make a plan to do that.
Good luck <3
I'm so sorry for your loss. The only correct response to a death in the family is "I'm so sorry, how can I help." Your boyfriend can't even display baseline human decency. Please think about how/if he makes your life better. You already wait on him hand and foot and that's apparently not enough for him.
Please read this: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WXVGE4MKDTXHDBW20MN7
He invests a lot of energy in making sure that you always feel like garbage if you don't do what he wants. It's a choice he makes. Nothing he does is an accident.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_WXVGE4MKDTXHDBW20MN7
Not surprised but jumping in on this PURELY to say:
MEN ARE NOT VIOLENT BECAUSE THEY DRINK. THEY ARE VIOLENT BECAUSE THEY ARE VIOLENT.
They may use the booze as an excuse (and it's almost a guarantee that they will, since that's an external habit that can be stopped and they'd rather blame that than actually change), but when it comes down to it, if alcohol never existed? He'd still hit you.
Mandatory reading for every single woman on the planet: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. It explains why abuse really happens and all the bullshit excuses that men use to try to make it seem like it's everyone's fault but theirs.
Read the book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It's enlightening. I'm so glad you left, you were being abused. Good luck on your next journey. Go heal. You deserve better! We're here for you.
Ok, the idea that you give up on your career and stay home watering the plants while he works even though you don't plan to have kids is rather strange by itself, but coupled with what you found... there's really very little chance these things are unrelated. Whatever you do, don't become financially dependent on him ever. He sounds kinda gaslighty and manipulative to me, I recommend you read this book as I'm worried there might be a lot more there that you're not seeing, you should be able to find a pdf online
>The 4 yr old says "Yes, I did do that..." I put and end to it and put both in time outs until one of them would decide to be truthful with me and admit they did it.
You put the 4 year old in time out until he'd admit it, after he admitted it?
> I reprimand the 4 year old for lying, breaking my trust, and speaking rudely/accusing his brother. ... this is NOT the first time this almost EXACT situation has played out.
And then you used the word of someone you know is untrustworthy to reprimand the 4 year old?
Punishment has a lot of well-studied negative side effects, not the least of which is increased frequency and skill at lying. And on top of it you're letting your kids use your punishments as a weapon against each other. Time out, accusations, and reprimands - particularly over situations you have no clear understanding of which results in punishments that appear totally capricious - are not things that generate a positive environment. I'd suggest you take a look at How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Siblings Without Rivalry, as they both outline a number of strategies for tackling these situations more productively.
Therapy helped me make the decision, but I also got a lot out of this book written by a therapist: "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship"
I really like how this book gives you a list of "diagnostics" that identify things that in this therapist's experience mean you'll be happier out of the relationship - and also defines which things don't really matter for happiness.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002JPGQ34/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_d\_asin\_title\_o08?ie=UTF8&psc=1
His normal meter is broken. He needs to get it calibrated, which is often accomplished in therapy (or by going at least temporarily NC and surrounding himself with healthy relationships). I really recommend him checking out a book for adult children of narcissists. Out of the Fog is a good one.
There’s one called Children of the Self-Absorbed, and one called Trapped in the Mirror and Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward that are specifically for adult children of narcissists. Heres a list of others that are recommended for dealing with narcs. Some of the ones I mentioned are also on the list!
Really, he won’t be able to confidently set boundaries until he realized that their behavior is fucking inappropriate and unacceptable.
The book Why Does He Do That was really helpful for me after leaving my ex.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Iq.kCbCX62B9H
He's not abusing you because his grief is making him do it. He's abusing you because he is an abuser, and grief is what it took to bring it out of him. Somewhere in his mentality is a mysogynistic belief that it's ok to blame and hurt women. At some point in your lives, something else bad will happen, and that side of him will show again. It will probably become more and more frequent, with less provocation required, because he'll get more and more comfortable doing it. And right now, because you stay, because you make excuses for him that it's because of his grief, because you protect him by not telling the therapist, he's learning that he can get away with it, which will probably just lower his inhibitions.
Please read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Please get yourself to safety.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I imagine it's really scary and confusing right now. Sending internet hugs - this isn't your fault, you didn't cause it and you can't fix it.
Unfortunately your bf is showing textbook signs of being abusive.
>He got really angry and threw his wallet in my direction.
>He apologized multiple times and said he didn't mean to hurt me. Then said it was my fault for making him angry
So he's sorry.... but actually it was your fault he got violent (this is called blameshifting)
>I shouldn't be upset with him because he didn't throw the wallet at me, just in my direction.
And he's not actually sorry, because it wasn't a big deal (this is minimising. And also bullshit. It IS a big deal and you have every reason to be upset).
I agree with everyone here that this will only get worse and you need to leave as soon as safely possible. To understand why, read this book:
Why Does He Do That- Lundy Bancroft
You can find a PDF free online and it really explains how abusive partners think and act.
Secondly, I recommend you get in touch with a domestic abuse counsellor/hotline - they can listen, direct you to resources and help you come up with a safety plan to leave.
You don't mention where you are, but here's a list of websites globally where you can get help.
Please know I'm thinking of you, and you are not alone
He was abusive for sure. The problem with abuse like this, is it is very covert and hard to spot if you are not trained/educated in psychology. Lucky for us, we have so much literature available to us these days. He wanted to financially control you, and why he wanted you to be SAHM. It is quite sinister once you wake up to these things, I am glad you know better now.
Also therapy with these abusive people, as you said, is just big NO. It just gives them extra tools to abuse.
I always recommend this book as well: https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=covert+over+narc&qid=1616056438&sr=8-1
it is not as widely known as "why does he do that?" but it has a lot of really excellent points.
Why Does He Do That is a book that was written by a counselor who specializes in working with controlling and toxic/abusive men. He uses his knowledge of how abusers think and his history of work to help women understand if their relationship has escalated to abuse, recognize abusive and controlling behavior in their partners, and inform women on how to leave an abusive relationship and thrive without their partners.
You can read it here for free.
This book has seriously helped me and other women that I know. This book will help you to figure out what's going on definitively and with clarity, so you won't feel trapped in your own head any more. I know you said you can't imagine living without him, but if you ever want to leave, this book can help you make a plan to do that safety and come out the other side.
Good luck <3
Hey mate, I'm so sorry that happened. Killing your dog is brutal, it's the stuff of nightmares and false accusations are horrible to go through. I'm not surprised you feel it destroyed you as a person and it's gonna fuck you in the head. I'm glad that you got through it. Have you read Why does he do that? by Lundy bancroft? A lot of my clients have found it helps unfuck their head.
I'm really sorry that happened mate it's horrible for you seeing that happen to her. Are you sure he's bipolar rather than just having an abusive personality The two are often confused with each other. Either way I really suggest getting why does he do that by Lundy bancroft it's a fantastic book
Have you thought about reading some parenting books? You were abused so you don't have any healthy models to look to. The way you phrase it ("walking over us and not caring what we had to say") is not the way someone with a healthy background would look at the situation at all IMO, and the fact that you think hitting your kid (yes, even 'just' a bottom smack) is a viable solution means you need help ASAP. I hear good things about this one: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI
Stop the cycle. There's no shame in needing help.
Die anderen Kommentatoren haben alles schon gesagt, wollte dir noch ein Buch ans Herz legen: https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Dana-Morningstar-ebook/dp/B077SFQWZ2/ref=nodl_
Out of the FOG. FOG steht hier für Fear, Obligation & Guilt und du beschreibst alle diese Punkte, also hilft es dir vllt.
Gibt auch eine gute Webseite wenn du nicht gleich das ganze Buch kaufen willst: https://outofthefog.website/
If you can...read this:
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B078KXGS98/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o04?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It really opened my eyes to what I was dealing with. TONS of "OMG" moments.
Also, watch this video please:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_lakRMIA7Q&list=FL3ZYbGg6DVyJRGTqLTawnCw&index=1
NTA. I agree with the others who are saying your husband is controlling and abusive. In addition to the resources listed, you might also want to read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. I'm divorcing a controlling husband myself, and I'm learning that a lot of things that I just accepted as being the way it was going to be was abusive and controlling.
This one might be a bit better - Beverley Engel - The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. It's less gendered than others and might be more helpful.
That's rough mate and she doesnt see cause and effect, her behaviour effects you not wanting to spend time with her. Complaining constantly is disheartening, people often don't see how much OCD effects the person and everyone around them. She sounds a lot like my mum tbh, I always said on the 4th day of rowing about something you'd just end up going "yep you're right the sea is purple" so it was easier to just let her go on. Have you read inside the minds of angry and controlling men it can really help get your head round how to manage controlling/OCD type behaviours in people.
Have you seen the casual UK discord server it could give you some welcome relief right now. It's a nice bunch of people
Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!
Here are your smile-ified links:
^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly&nbsp;bot
as far as I know I don't think there are any specifically for FAs which is pretty annoying. I recently started Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner by Jeb Kinnison but havent' gotten far. The thing is with FAs is that we really are both avoidant and anxious and it can be easy to forget about one side or the other.
I think Attached is a good place to start, first. It's a good 101 and may get you to see some behaviors in yourself and others around you. I cried a lot when I read it. Once you have that down then start looking for more resources.
https://www.amazon.com/Avoidant-Love-Leave-Dismissive-Partner-ebook/dp/B00O4QLPHI
I very very strongly recommend you read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.
It’s been a while since I’ve read it, so I hope someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but the biggest takeaway I remember be smacked with is that he doesn’t have to be abusive. He isn’t abusive to coworkers. He isn’t abusive to his friends. He isn’t abusive to acquaintances. He chooses to be abusive and he doesn’t want to change, which is why he never will.
Please get, & work-through, both of you this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work-ebook/dp/B00N6PEQV0/
sigh
I don't know how much leverage your relationship still has left, I do know this book significantly increases the likelihood that one's relationships ( current & future ) can be durable, & can end up not in divorce...
Some people simply can't manage overwork and relationship, both at once...
Active-sabotage by relatives .. sucks. Big time.
Given how habits are now entrenched-enemies of your relationship, you need both to work-through this one, too:
https://www.amazon.com/Immunity-Change-Potential-Organization-Leadership-ebook/dp/B004OEILH2/
I wish you well, and it is entirely up to the combined-might of your work, how much you can have, together.
If one of you gives-up on the relationship, it's finished.
Earn it, if you both mean it.
Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen, Hoomin...
( :
Read this book first before making any decisions: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship. The decision to divorce was made by my STBX. I wish I read this book ahead of time as I could have recognized reasons I should have left.
There’s a book called Why Does He Do That that I haven’t seen suggested yet. You may find it helpful. It has a chapter about how abusive men seem to get “everybody else” on their side, including therapists who should know better.
You don’t deserve to be hit, and I hope the best for you.
What’s my source for it being a self help book?
> In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship.
If you're interested in reading you should check out Why Does He Do That? .
He's not interested in listening to you or working on the relationship, which tells me he doesn't value your thoughts or feelings. The fact that he rages while you sit quietly tells me that his goal is to intimidate you into submission. This relationship might not be worth saving without counselling, especially if he doesn't think he needs it. Just proceed with caution and remember that you should be taking care of yourself before you take care of him. You are not responsible for his actions.