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I'm gay and I've had no problem reconciling my faith with my sexual orientation from the time I was 14/15.
The most important thing in my mind is acknowledging that historical context impacts the way the Bible should be interpreted. The word "homosexuality" wasn't in the Bible until the twentieth century. Verses that have been used to condemn all same-sex sexual activity are surrounded by verses that would seem to approve of slavery, if taken at face value.
Jesus, in reference to Christian teaching, says that a good tree cannot bear bad fruit. If teaching is sound, it will not result in the harm of those impacted it. This hasn't been the case with the conservative teaching on homosexuality. The church needs to act in a way consistent with the idea that "perfect love casts out fear."
There's a lot that can (and has) been said about this topic. I'd encourage you to grapple with it yourself, but to never forget that God loves all of their children. Also, if you haven't read them, God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines and Torn by Justin Lee are great books on this topic.
Warmest of wishes, friend.
You may find this book helpful: Eve Tushnet's Gay and Catholic: Accepting My Sexuality, Finding Community, Living My Faith
What Father (above) said! You are beloved of God and nothing about your temptations and struggles changes His eternal love for you.
Overcoming sin in general and sexual sin in particular requires that we look into the occurrences of sin with the Lord and examine what we're really seeking. When we can identify the human and impulses desires behind the sinful acts, we can turn them to the Lord.
There's a book I'm reading that I'd heartily recommend titled: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. I'm about 2/3 of the way through and have been edified and encouraged by how the author guides readers towards meaningful & lasting healing.
In any case, I'll offer a decade of the rosary for you. Jesus loves you dearly and will never abandon you.
First off, masturbation is immoral. It denies all the aspects of rightly ordered sex and seeks one's own pleasure at the expense of everything else. Neither one of you should be masturbating under any circumstances.
Second, rightly ordered sex according to Catholic teaching allows for foreplay, including manual and oral stimulation, prior to or following penetrative sex, provided it's all in the same context/occurrence. So your husband is wrong on that count, but it's the sort of deeply personal opinion that is difficult to change.
In situations like this, my wife always recommends Holy Sex by Greg Popcak. Reading that book or a similar Catholic source may help your husband change his mind. (I know not everyone agrees with Popcak on these points, but I think it's fairly in line with Catholic teaching.)
One other thing: You say that your husband wants penetrative sex frequently but refuses to participate in any effort to bring you to climax. This is contrary to Catholic ideals about sex and the principles of personhood. You are both complete persons and you are both participants in the marital act; if he's just having sex with you to his own climax and ignores your pleasure, he's doing very little different from masturbation.
It is a flawed understanding of human biology to assume that penetrative sex will have the same effect on everyone. The fact of the matter is that women typically need some kind of further stimulation to achieve climax, and some find it almost impossible to achieve climax through penetrative sex. This isn't their fault or something sinful; it's just a coincidence of biology.
HAVE THEM READ THE BOOK GOD AND THE GAY CHRISTIAN. IT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET THEM TO REALIZE HOMOSEXUALITY ISN'T AS INCOMPATIBLE WITH CHRISTIANITY, PARTICULARLY THE NEW TESTAMENT/COVENANT, AS PEOPLE THINK. IF THEY'RE WILLING TO PUT IN THE TIME TO VOICE THEIR OPINION TO YOU, THEY MAY BE WILLING TO PUT IN A LITTLE MORE TIME TO REALLY CHECK OUT THE SUBJECT.
You might find the new book The Making of Biblical Womanhood pretty interesting. It's great.
The title includes the source of the data, so if you want to check up on it for accuracy or context, there is a clear way forward: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Religion-Distorts-Sexuality/dp/0970950543
Have you (and Saint_denloj) ever read <em>Gay and Catholic</em> by Eve Tushnet? You may find it enlightening.
This book is worth the read: https://www.amazon.com/God-Gay-Christian-Biblical-Relationships/dp/160142518X
From what I've seen, many who still affirm the Bible's validity and affirm a gay lifestyle denounce the clobber passages as mistranslated and not referring to the kind of gay relationships we see today (monogamous, committed, loving). Most argue Biblical passages are referring to pedophilia, rape, and hyper sexual (guys would have sex with other guys out of extreme lust outside marriage) relationships.
This book is amazing. I’m a “new age Christian”, and have very strong opinions on equality and God’s intention when it comes to partnership. Christianity is yet another topic that the patriarchy has bastardized. I married to a man who was brainwashed by conservative Christians his whole life. He is amazing now that he has realized the predatory nature of “old school” Christianity, and we have been able to keep our relationship with God while raising a strong daughter as neutrally and free from bias as possible. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Biblical-Womanhood-Subjugation-Became/dp/1587434709 I had these viewpoints before this book came out, but it has given me amazing arguments when I inevitably get into an argument with shitty conservative family members.
If you have the time you should read this book called God and the Gay Christian, by Matthew Vines.
It's full of gay-affirming arguments and most of them are based on scripture or interpretations of it. Wish I'd known about it when I was figuring everything out!
You may benefit from reading, for example, Bible, Gender, Sexuality by James Brownson, a theologian at Western Theological Seminary. It may help you address the claims you're referring to while also providing broader context of the issue at hand.
If his concerns stem from religious indoctrination, ye may want to read, What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality, by Daniel Helminiak. https://smile.amazon.com/What-Bible-Really-about-Homosexuality/dp/188636009X
Self mortification isn't about distracting yourself from or punishing yourself for temptation. It is the taking on of voluntary suffering to draw you closer to the Lord.
At best, this is a stopgap measure. What is really needed is a careful examination of your desires and needs so that they can be placed before the Lord. Sexual thoughts and temptations are expressions of legitimate needs that have gotten twisted up and turned inward.
May I suggest 'Unwanted' by Jay Stringer? His book is an excellent guide to examining sexual struggles in this light and moving beyond the battle to victory in Christ.
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/188636009X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fab_RexDFbSCQJBM5
For yourself start on the first link...
For science see about this guy's books and articles...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_LeVay#Queer_Science
More questions... dm... :)
First of all, sorry that your friend has treated you like that, it is not a Biblical view on how we are expected to treat others. Never has the Bible advocated forcing our beliefs onto other people and it is sad that a large swath of Christians have been doing it.
We are all sinners, we all need Jesus, God loves everyone be you straight, gay, black, white, old, young, male, female, other. We are also called to love everyone, even those we disagree with, even those who hate us.
I love my LGBTQ+ friends, and I hope they feel the same towards me.
I personally think that homosexuality is not right for me but I don't force that onto others. Someone might think that eating meat is wrong for them but you would still be friends with them right? Again it would be wrong for them to try and push their "don't eat meat" values onto yourself especially said not to. Tolerance is only possible with those you disagree with (by definition) you can love someone and be friends with them without agreeing with everything they do, we do so all the time.
One good book on this subject to see the biblical view is "Is God anti-gay" by Sam Allberry https://www.amazon.com/God-anti-gay-Questions-Christians-Ask/dp/1908762314
I'm thinking maybe you'd profit from reading Eve Tushnet's Gay and Catholic book.
She's very "progressive" (I don't myself agree with the prudential judgment behind all of her proposals) yet fully committed to affirming and living the teaching of the Church for human sexuality and her SSA. She excels at offering a very insightful and refreshing perspective that goes beyond the all-to-common "too bad, offer it up" response from some catholics out there, and into an actually positive framing focused in self-acceptance and fruitfulness.
Anyone looking for a comprehensive and biblically based exploration on the topic should check out Bible, Gender, Sexuality by James V. Brownson.
It's probably important to your husband and as long as it's not painful and is more fun than doing the dishes then you should try not to be totally celibate. If it is painful then solve that problem.
If you're feeling a lot of pressure from your husband to enjoy sex, then that will probably make you less likely to enjoy it. There are ways to work on enjoying sex, maybe read Holy Sex for some ideas.
The first 22 pages are free on Google, it's 2.99 on Kindle or 3.99 paperback on Amazon.co.uk though. https://www.amazon.co.uk/God-anti-gay-Questions-Christians-Ask/dp/1908762314
It is free on audible but that is as an audiobook https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Is-God-Anti-Gay-Audiobook/B00JJTW7MM?source_code=M2M30DFT1BkSH11221601A7&gclsrc=aw.ds&&ipRedirectOverride=true&overrideBaseCountry=true&gclid=CjwKCAjwnZaVBhA6EiwAVVyv9CtR3To9aMCcwhDIOL5x9zwtHjmfyNRt...
Sex And God (How Religion Distorts Sexuality) by Dr Darrel Ray https://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Religion-Distorts-Sexuality/dp/0970950543?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=551e5332-4360-4af2-bede-22f733f4b704
It's fantastic.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-Really-about-Homosexuality/dp/188636009X/ref=nodl_
I found this book exceptionally healing.
I look to Jesus for how he used the ancient texts. He reinterpreted them to look for the meaning behind them. For example… “It is said an eye for an eye but I SAY turn the other cheek.”
Jesus never once spoke of homosexuality. In fact he healed a centurion’s slave who had every chance of being involved in Roman traditions.
Jesus constant focus is calling us to love. He called out systemic brokenness - religious more than any other and offered freedom from oppression.
I am a gay human and I have come to trust that we are all children of a truly loving God.
Personally? I'm wayyyy too private of an individual to broadcast stuff like that on the web. But! I very much trust the author of this book and if I encountered a situation where I was looking to improve that aspect of our marriage, I'd certainly give it a read: https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Sex-Toe-Curling-Mind-Blowing-Infallible/dp/0824524713
I think you have to help her reframe her thought process on this, sex is indeed holy, none of us would be here without it, lol. There is a good book called Holy Sex, that may help https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Sex-Toe-Curling-Mind-Blowing-Infallible/dp/0824524713
It's written by a Catholic no less.
Sex does get taught as something dirty and unholy which is totally wrong, now sex should be done in proper context (of a marriage) that's what is not communicated clearly enough especially to kids, and not doing it correctly I do believe is what you're directly running into here.
You might want to read What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality, by Daniel Helminiak
Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. Neither did any of the prophets, or any of the disciples. The Catholic church started teaching that homosexuality is a sin during the middle ages, after they started selling forgiveness for money. They needed lots of sins, so they could
sell lots of forgiveness.
Take a look at this book (Sex & God) and I think it will really help you understand how you have been spiritually abused. That is the cause of your sadness. A follow-up would be combatting cult mind control.
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Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality
by Amazon.com
Learn more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0970950543/ref=cm\_sw\_em\_r\_mt\_dp\_2J9DCT3E2E43VBVWEFPN
You don't want male opinions? Look.. think about it...do you want to own and control your hisbands sexuality? When you don't put out you are effectively forbidding sex. This is gonna lead to resentment and negative behaviors.
Take a look at this book. It goes into why you shouldn't try to be the gatekeeper over your spouses sexuality while still maintaining the boundaries of monogamy.
Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality https://www.amazon.com/dp/0970950543/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_KJ18FQBY8KGV76T7B97H?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I recommend that you learn about what the Bible really says. It was not originally written in English. Some translators have (intentionally) mistranslated certain parts of it, for political purposes. You should read a couple of books. Start with: What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality
Pick up a copy of Unwanted.
The author is a Protestant minister so from a theological perspective there's some questionable things in there, but the rest of it was very helpful for me on my journey.
People turn to habitual sin because they've been wounded somehow and they're trying to either undo it through their behavior, or else re-create the original wound over and over again because they believe that they're garbage and they deserve it.
If you want to get out of the place you're in, you need to first understand what brought you there. Pray for the wisdom to see how you were wounded and the courage and patience to overcome those wounds.