The best Grief & Bereavement books: Reddit reviews

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Massimo Pigliucci has written a couple of books.

• How to be a Stoic

• A Handbook for New Stoics: How to thrive in a world out of control 52 week-by-week lessons.

I purchased the last book. Each week encourages doing an exercise to be a Stoic.

Good luck.

Thank you for this post. The whole, "dying in your sleep" myth is a toxic one that needs to go away. Reading the book "How We Die" forever changed my perspective on this.

Dying is not fun. It is not peaceful. It is often agonizing and terrifying. Our bodies are not built for dying. Evolution only gets us as far as creating and caring for children - what happens to us when we're old and when we die is besides the point from an evolutionary perspective. It is not an optimized experience.

I'm all for hospices and the movement towards voluntary euthanasia, but the idea that a "natural" death is in any way desirable is hogwash.

Get the book "lifetimes" it explains life and death as a natural process and leaves out any magical ideas. It helped both of my kids understand death when our dog died.

https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539302550&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=lifetimes+book

> I have learned one thing I’m not going till it’s actually time for me to go.

You have amazing perspective! I have had enough proof of that in my life to convince me of that. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. I was fortunate enough to serve as a friend's death doula and her death from terminal cancer went very much like a labor and delivery, but in reverse. It was THE most beautiful experience of my life, which is why I am now choosing to serve as a death doula for others.

I hope you both won't mind if I suggest the Pulitzer prize winning book by Ernest Becker called Denial of Death:

"Winner of the Pulitzer prize in 1974 and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie -- man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than twenty years after its writing."

Wishing you both godspeed when your time comes!

Your goal shouldn't be to cheer her up. She is most likely grieving a life that she thought she had and feeling like it's very unfair that it was taken from her. Your goal should be to be there with her in it. I highly (and frequently ) recommend the book, "There is no good card for this" for specific information on how to show loved ones compassion in the face of grief and loss.

I highly recommend this book (for you OP and other friends of your friend): "There is no good card for this"

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062469991/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_Y7YKCb82AFVCW

I learned from personal experience that life does not prepare us well on how to react in situations where someone we care for goes through something horrible. This book is written by very compassionate and empathetic authors and almost exactly adresses your question. There are so many wrong things to say and this book will help avoid that.

In such a situation I would even consider getting multiple copies and handing them out to the people closest to your friend. I cannot recommend it enough.

I don't know if this will help, but many years ago I went to the funeral of a high school friend. She was killed in a car crash at only 23, just weeks before her wedding. The rabbi who was supposed to officiate at her wedding instead spoke at her funeral. I remember so distinctly how he said that the accident wasn't caused by God, it was caused by the slippery road conditions and the science of how a car works. He said that God was weeping too at the loss of such a wonderful young woman. I've seen many people of all faiths find comfort in a famous book by a rabbi called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People," and say that it helped them keep a connection to God even through terrible tragedy. You might find it helpful (https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728).

No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh. All of his writings, in general, have helped me immensely. He is a Buddhist monk, however I remain agnostic and do not find his teachings “religious” seeming. Discusses peaceful ways to accept and appreciate life and death.

I like this book: https://smile.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/

For explaining death to kids (it even helped calm me when my mom died.). It's not religious if that matters one way or the other to you.

This one my Massimo Piggliucci did make things turn around for me, by not changing things that gave me a hard-time, but, by liberating myself out of all that shackled me. I wish you the best to be out of your ordeal, soon!

Thanks for the suggestion.

I'm still reading through it myself, but I've been getting a lot out of "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One"

One problem I run into is that I feel like a lot of the things I see are directed at people whose loved ones died of something like cancer, which as terrible as it is, makes me irrationally angry and jealous that they at least got to say goodbye and get their affairs in order, while my life went instantly from normal to shattered with a phone call in the middle of the night.

I recommend a book, I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye. I lost my mother 20 years ago to brain cancer. One gets better but you never really get over it. Sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry to hear this. My therapist recommended this book to me: The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7JH5A0ZDR6WNYGPESKWA

Are you in contact?

Passei por isso há uns 10 anos. Na altura um livro me ajudou imenso, descrevendo todas as partes do luto e ajudando a ultrapassa-lo. How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Recomendo profundamente.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_marketplace

one of the best books I've read that helped me heal from devastating losses is How to Survive the Loss of a Love (forgive the dated graphic design lol). I've recommended it to many people & it has very actionable steps that work. the first heartbreak is often the hardest, so she made need space or more social/direct support depending on her personality. you & her might find it helpful. something else that always helped me was to imagine how long we get to live due to medical advances, could be up to 120 yrs for her generation, & life will be full of meeting so many more people that are better suited for her. 2.5 years seems like forever at that age, but it's a short blink in the grand scheme.

maybe share what helped you get over your heartbreaks as well. talking about funny or embarrassing traits former partners had can add some levity to a sad situation.

Sounds super gay, but meditation and trying to live and be present in the moment really helps.

denial of death this is also a good book. Dude was a G, and actually was pretty fucked up until he got put on his death bed and wrote this gem of a book.

Add this to the resource. It is beautiful. Tell her it is a good thing to learn and read together about before she puts the dog down. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553344021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_NVCZRXT1WXZRXKBP64NQ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I think a lot of modern stoics are atheists. Massimo Pigliucci certainly is. Check out his book How to Be a Stoic: https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Stoic-Ancient-Philosophy/dp/1541644530/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=massimo+pigliucci&qid=1613362927&sprefix=massimo+pig&sr=8-5

How to Survive the Loss of a Love (Peter McWilliams); my high school guidance counselor gave it to me when I struggled with a breakup in college. Badly enough that I asked my former guidance counselor for help. It gets better, OP, trust me.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I missed your original post, but for whatever it's worth, as someone who had my partner of 10 years die very unexpectedly and with no time to prepare (either mentally or just in terms of logistics and financial shit), I found this book to be emotionally helpful -- Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One

Along with some grief counseling, it's been the only thing that helped stop the PTSD-like constant reliving of his last hours and obsessing over every possible thing I could have done different.

My heart goes out to you... <3 I am fortunate to not have had to deal with such a traumatic experience.

For a long time, I handled dealing with grief VERY poorly.. a good friend of mine, a licensed/trained therapist, described dealing with grief in such a brilliant way that it completely changed my outlook on it. I don't know if there's an actual term for it, but I'm sure doing some quick Google searching will come up with results.

The basic premise is that your conscious/life is a square outline, and the grief is this huge ball/mass inside it. At first, the grief consumes your entire being - you literally cannot escape it. But over time, it grows smaller - but it still bumps into the edges of the square (your consciousness) as it floats around. And every time it does that, it hurts just as much as before. This is NOT regression or a bad thing, but we often beat ourselves up thinking it is. No matter how small it grows, it is always there and there will always be moments where it's rough and it hits you.

Using, drinking, etc. does not make the ball of grief go away or become any smaller - it simply numbs up our edges (the square outline) temporarily.

Also, I highly recommend this Grief Recovery Book that a friend sent me while she was going through recovery.

That is young. My neighbor just retired. 30 years as a fireman/paramedic. He says that the last six months have been brutal. Big increase in suicides, overdoses, domestic violence callouts, etc. Its not all about COVID.

I recommend reading, if you have time, I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye

It wasn't your fault. Whenever a person dear to us dies, part of the process is that those of us who remain often think, there is something "we could have done". It the mind's way of resisting the transient and impermanent nature of life.

I don't know if an autopsy was performed but I would venture to say that he had undiagnosed heart disease and whether he died on your camping trip or a few days later while mowing the lawn, it would have happened either way.

Let me suggest you read I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye. This may help you shed some of this guilt you have been carrying for so long.

The amazing thing about death is that it happens every day and its all around us but we are never cognizant of it until it happens to someone we love.

Its one of the hardest things you can do - watch as a person is dying. We are never ready. If you can just be there for her until the end, it will be enough.

I recommend reading: I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye.

I had an aunt who died from alcoholism over 30 years ago. She was 42.

You have taken her as far as you can. Your point of departure is her point of arrival; two different sides of the same sign. The next few steps she takes on her own. You have earned my respect.

If you have time, read I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye.

For the people telling him time heals everything, you're wrong.

There is a book that I think would be very helpful, as I'm dealing with a heavy loss this year. here it is

Your feelings are completely valid. I know it's frustrating because you'd like to be there already but forgiveness is not something that can be rushed. There are steps and emotions a person needs to go through at their own pace. The fact that Christmas looms only a few days from now doesn't mean you're at all where you need to be yet in your journey in order to feel forgiveness. Remember this is a forum for circumcision grief... most people in our society have not been trained in the proper handling of grief. I benefited greatly from working my way through The Grief Recovery Handbook.

I read this book about the way people usually die.

My impression was that almost every condition from a weak heart to weakened immune system led to lungs slowly getting filled with body fluids making the patient die a slow and agonising death how we die

I was in therapy for months even before the breakup was finalized, and continued it after the breakup. However I found talk-therapy (basically just rehashing my problems and emotions) wasn't really helping so I looked into therapists with additional tools or strategies for loss. I stumbled upon something called the Grief Recovery Method, which is a certification that therapists can get that teaches them to guide grievers through the process of, as they call it, "completing" their grief. The program is 7 sessions with homework assignments in between.

The program follows the Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman, which can be purchased for ~$20 and can be followed on your own if you can't afford the therapy. The first session and homework covered common myths surrounding grief including the one you identified in your post.

https://www.amazon.ca/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=asc_df_0061686077/?tag=googlemobshop-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=293008485980&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=12157436390698115492&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo=&a...

So far I've had 2 sessions which have helped me process the good and bad of my relationship, identify the many ways I've been affected by this loss, and deconstruct common unhelpful responses to grief. I'm looking forward to the remainder of the program which is supposed to provide tangible actions to take to begin the process of moving on from the loss. While time is important to heal, the authors say that what you do in that time is equally important.

i can recommend a great book to you, which i never do because book recommendations usually land no where. but truly, please look into this book. it is called &quot;there is no good card for this: what to say and do when life is scary, awful and unfair to the people you love&quot; and it is less than 300 pages, adorable on a coffee table when you're done with it, plus it is illustrated brilliantly and usefully.