Anxiety is awful and is probably the villain here. It doesn’t have to be logical: some part of you is cringing about past mistakes or awkwardness and you can’t see over the protective fence your mind built.
Here’s a quote from a book by Alan Watts, The Book: On the taboo against Knowing Who You Are: “the ego is indeed a fake—a wall of defense around a wall of defense, around nothing.”
I try to remember that what I’m protecting when I dread interacting with other people is imaginary. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just avoid things. Your choice.
You put into words exactly what I've thought for years. Two book recommendations based on your post:
>Is weed just a giant lesson about letting go?
I've actually said this exact phrase. I feel like weed taught me to surrender to life. I really liked the book Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins.
>I realized that there was more to life than being a "person identity" because I started noticing that I wasn't "me" when I was high. It's the thing that got me to obsess over the "who am I?"
This reminded me of the book Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle. Here are some quotes:
"In you, as in each human being, there is a dimension of consciousness far deeper than thought. It is the very essence of who you are."
"When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you and never stops speaking, you are awakening out of your unconscious identification with the stream of thinking. When you notice that voice, you realize that who you are is not the voice–the thinker–but the one who is aware of it."
You should check out the Better not to have been book. The general idea is that it is more beneficial to have never been born. But, suicide is so hard to accomplish - mentally and physically - that it might not be beneficial to kill yourself.
Besides there are costs involved - say I'm 24, I have finally moved out from parents, live on my own. I have never been as free in my life before. All the childhood that sucked, the school are left behind. Im finally my own person. Health wise this is one of the highest point in one's life. From 30 it's going to go on downhill. Basically this and the next decade are going to be the best time of my life. Might as well make use of it if only to compensate for the shitty early part of my life. If/when it gets bad in my 40s+ I might just opt out of this game, and no family would be great in that regard - I would always be able to leave whenever I would want.
Life is essentially about costs and benefits. Most people trudge on because the pleasure shots they get out weight the suffering and the pain of suicide. It is true for me too (for now). But I would still prefer not to have existed.
/r/antinatalism rules
I highly recommend the book Better Never to Have Been: The Harm Of Coming Into Existence, by the philosopher David Benatar.
Religion gives you your morality. Without religion, you must determine what constitutes moral behavior for yourself. The study of ethics is a rich field that has been ongoing for centuries. A simple starting place could be something like trying to do things that optimize your own chance to succeed and thrive and to not hinder anyone else’s ability to do so. It gets more complicated from there, including one’s obligation or duty to others.
One outlook that I personally relate to and that resonates with me is secular humanism. Greg Epstein is a humanist who wrote a New York Times bestseller called Good Without God that I highly recommend.
This time of your life of figuring things out for yourself without the burden or baggage of religious systems is exciting. Allow yourself to explore different ideas and systems and see which ones make sense and resonate with you. Good luck!
Loved "You Are Not So Smart." Really funny and covers a LOT of fallacies/self-delusions:
You may be interested in reading some of David Benatar's works, namely Better Never to Have Been.
I sympathise with much of Benatar and Schopenhauer's writings, with the degrading climate and environment only reinforcing these beliefs. The only reason I remain a fence sitter is because I know I'm a hypocrite, as well as other philosophical and metaphysical beliefs.
I do however advise you not to pay too much attention to the antinatalism subreddit unless you're well versed in filtering biases. It seems to be heavily populated with misanthropes, and in my opinion is a pretty shallow take on antinatalism as a philosophical idea.
You are indeed blessed, but you don't deserve an explanation from me with that bullshit sarcasm in your post.
Visit /r/antinatalism and do some reading if you really want an explanation. Spoiler alert: the book is way better than the subreddit.
If you are genuinely interested and happy to read a short book, check out You Are Not so Smart. It has a fair few sections, each one on a different cognitive bias or logical fallacy. Basically everyone is susceptible to being fooled by something.
But, as the other comment mentioned - childhood indoctrination is a big deal, and probably the cause of anyone under or around 20 years old. It can take a while to shake that off.
this is exactly what this book talks about, IDK I believe that life is meaningless and am pretty sure that it is NOT about happiness, even successful people may have a miserable life. and I remember J.Peterson saying that it's just a succession of hard choices and challenges that you face every day and that's all.
I would recommend the book Letting Go by Dr. David Hawkins. Here on Amazon (audio, hard/soft cover/digital). Letting do explains in detail how to give up your attachments and aversions to feelings to help you along your spiritual path. A Course In Miracles, the workbook specifically might be another book to consider. ACIM book
God bless you.
I started with The Book and I think it is as good as any place to start: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Then I would suggest The Watercourse Way and The Way of Zen.
There are also many great things on YouTube.
Enjoy! And remember not to take it all too seriously!
I'm an anti-natalist, i.e. I believe it's immoral to have kids. The brief rundown of why I believe this to be the case is basically just that, no matter what kind of life we live, we're inevitably going to suffer to some extent. We'll face emotional pains, physical pains, disease, injury, degregation, and eventually we'll die. If we aren't born, we don't experience any of those things, so that strikes me as a pretty clear positive. We do miss out on the good things in life, but since we aren't born, there is no mechanism by which we can regret missing out on these things, so that doesn't seem like a bad thing.
Naysayers to this point of view tend to say either:
If avoiding suffering is good, then missing out on pleasure is bad; or,
If it isn't bad to miss out on pleasure because we don't regret it, then it isn't good to miss out on suffering because we don't appreciate it.
However this symmetry isn't appropriate in my view. Avoiding suffering is just a flat out good, regardless of whether or not you appreciate it, and regardless of whether or not you're born. But missing out on pleasure is only bad if you actively regret it or feel bad about it. If you miss out on something you would have enjoyed but you don't care, then that's not really a bad thing.
That's basically a quick and dirty introduction to David Benatar's Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence, which is what converted me to this way of thinking.
And no, I don't want to kill myself.
I understand where you are coming from, I first came out the closet as bisexual and later as gay, which I can attribute to the lack of representation, I've never felt more at my place that being bi (now at my 26yo) even when I look for a long term relationship with a man only since my sexual and romantic attraction only happens towards men and women only romantic. You asked an important question and what I can observe is that you are looking for validation externally (or an external solution), and that can only come from the inside, more precisely by changing your subconscious mind into a more positive framework for your existence, what happens out there would be completely unimportant as long as you are accepted and love from your unconscious mind. In doing such inner work is how I stopped permanently having the so called bi-cycle, now I understand myself, and I don't need other people to be a certain way to feel happy about my self . I've used since I was 21 Psych-K and the letting go (book) technique from David Hawkins.
​
On a side note I enjoy talking with you this is my second time doing so
In my country, the United States, many religious people seem to support the death penalty. Non-believers are, at least as likely or more likely, to oppose the death penalty. At least, that is my impression.
People will be mean under certain conditions. And when conditions make people mean, they will use their beliefs, whether religious or non-religious, to rationalize and excuse their desire/need to be mean. Religious Christians, for example, can find Bible verses, or reinterpret Bible verses, to support the death penalty, being greedy, etc. Atheists can do something similar to justify being mean.
The good news is that religious and non-religious beliefs can also promote kindness. The Bible is full of verses promoting kindness and generosity. Contrary to what you appear to think, atheist thinking can promote moral behavior. Atheists have written books about morality without God.
If you live in a country with a majority of non-believers who believe in the death penalty, your shortest route to changing their mind about the death penalty is not converting them into believing in God, but instead exposing them to non-religious thought promoting kindness and charity.
Atheists, for example, believe humans have only one life. They do not believe humans have afterlives to correct mistakes in this life. If the state kills an innocent person that injustice will not be corrected in a wonderful next life. Atheists I know are very sensitive to injustice. (Listen to what atheists say about the Old Testament God or the doctrine of hell.) Potentially committing injustice is one reason atheists should be against the death penalty.
Good luck,
r/antinatalism took an interesting philosophy and used it as an excuse to call people “breeders” and say some pretty hateful shit about anyone having kids. The subreddit is fucked but the idea itself is an interesting perspective, I would recommend this book if you're at all interested in this philosophy
I recently bought the audiobook version of “Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender”. I am half through and find it very useful to let go of negative thoughts and feelings.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401945015/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Hq1MFbWRPVB3A
My brother, I feel your pain and struggle. You are losing the only foundation you’ve known and are in free fall regarding your faith, or lack thereof. This struggle is actually good, but painful to go through.
I’m not qualified to tell you what to become, or to believe. That depends on your research and desire. I found solace through Humanism (as an agnostic atheist) and it’s not a sad grumpy existence at all. Others have channeled their faith into other religions. Sadly, others have transitioned to other cults, but that’s a different story by itself.
I highly recommend a book called Good Without God by Greg Epstein. I think it may clarify some things for you.
Maybe others can recommend resources for those inclined to remain faithful to the concept of a deity but in a healthier way.
Yeah, I read Conscious by Annaka Harris and it asks those questions and...then it gets into panpsychism which is hard for me to get behind but was still a very interesting read. Would definitely recommend.
A really interesting book that talks about life in the modern world, and spirituality, and frames it in a philosophical nature with regard to how people relate to ourselves and each other --- is called The Book by a man named Alan Watts.
He's dead now, but he was a westerner, yet a Zen Buddhist philosopher who wrote about the idea of being here now, living in the moment, and how we are all connected and part of one collective humanity.
I read it when I was much younger, and it really opened my mind to a lot of thoughts about the nature of humans and the universe we live in. I don't think it's too technical, I think it is accessible and fairly down-to-earth given the nature of the subject matter.
Check out this book on Goodreads:
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60551.The_Book_on_the_Taboo_Against_Knowing_Who_You_Are
Amazon:
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are https://www.amazon.com/dp/0679723005/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2WfxEbWJMFXXP
Read this to see why you are broadly right about collective intelligence and why it is so much worse than you think.
I agree, drugs do not do anything special you could not do by yourself. However, they are a way to alter your perspective. They are not the only way, but they are not an inferior or superior way; they are merely different.
I do read books, and I'd like to recommend The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. That book has successfully altered a lot of perspectives and refined my own.
The name of the the book is actually "The Book" - https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005.
I definitely understand the feeling of knowing the right place to stand. The truth is, there is no right or wrong place to stand. Just standing. It gets really messy when we are trying to work things out when we also try to figure out the right and wrongs of it all. There may be right or wrong ways to act out how we feel, but there are no wrong feelings per se. The spinning compass could indicate there is nowhere to go, you're exactly where you need to be at this time. Maybe it isn't pleasant, but it's also not forever.
Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but you should read The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind by Julian Jaynes. It poses a hypothesis that attempts to explain how our inner monologue came about due to the development of language. He poses that from around 10,000 BC to 1,500 BC humans heard voices in their heads via auditory hallucinations that were the voices of authority figures in their lives. Over time a social class developed to help make sense of these voices and maintain social order that coincided with the rise of civilizations in Mesopotamia. During and after the Bronze Age collapse the voices starting going away and we were left with just one inner monologue, our current one, though we still have vestiges in our brain such as hypnosis and schizophrenia.
It’s a pretty interesting read.
Read these, and put your mind at ease about not having children.
https://www.amazon.com/Better-Never-Have-Been-Existence/dp/0199549265
https://www.amazon.com/Conspiracy-against-Human-Race-Contrivance/dp/0143133144
Have you considered giving up but gracefully? Letting go of all resentment and sadness for that.
I'm in that process. I hope more men take this path instead of ending their lives or dating desperately. This book is helping me in this process.
> Can we say that antinatalism as a position is flawed or doesn't have any philosophical merit?
Benetar's Better Never to Have been addresses one of the difficulties of advocating antinatalism in the Preface:
> Many readers will be inclined to dismiss my arguments and will do so too hastily. When rejecting an unpopular view, it is extraordinarily easy to be overly confident in the force of one’s responses. This is partly because there is less felt need to justify one’s views when one is defending an orthodoxy. It is also partly because counter-responses from those critical of this orthodoxy, given their rarity, are harder to anticipate.
Antinatism directly conflicts with orthodox beliefs with which we are raised, with which we are familiar, and which most folks use to justify their struggle of life. The fact that antinatalism is counter-intuitive to most folks does not make the argument bad. The fact that antinatalism is not conducive to selling Hallmark cards, or helpful in the quest to convince folks to produce more human capital stock, does not mean the position is inherently flawed.
Statements can be true despite their making us sad.
That is a difficulty some folks cannot get past when assessing antinatalism. They are so hung up on the practical issues that follow from antinatalism that they cannot clearly assess whether the arguments are internally consistent, or follow from true premises.
Of course, the answer will depend on your rubric for discerning whether or not X has philosophical merit.
The Epikuros paradox.
and for good without god try https://www.amazon.com/Good-Without-God-Billion-Nonreligious/dp/006167012X
The issue for me has always been believing both the good times and the bad times will last forever. Neither do; the universe is in an unending state of transition. We are not immune or exempt from that change but dammit if we have a hard time realizing that when we are riding the dopamine high. Once it wears off, however, it feels like we will never experience it again.
You will.
"You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better. But this is not true. You are sure to be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing it will make you less miserable now."
- Abraham Lincoln
I highly recommend Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins. When I was at my lowest of lows (fresh out of the ward), a very good friend told me this was the first and most valuable book they read after their husband decided to leave this world by his own hand. Hawkins teaches you how to break down what you are feeling and how to navigate from complete hopelessness to complete hopefulness.
It ain't easy, I can tell you that much. You very much have to surrender yourself to whatever sorrow, pain, anguish, grief, depression, or apathy you may be fighting. It may scare the living sh*t out of you but I promise that if you throw yourself in to it, we will see you on the other side a more powerful spirit.
In the meantime, give this song a listen. I recently ran across it and boy does it ever speak to me.
You got this.
I thought Conscious by Annika Harris was quite good, but it's been a few years since I read it, I don't totally remember how much she goes in to evolution and neurology.