Anxiety is awful and is probably the villain here. It doesn’t have to be logical: some part of you is cringing about past mistakes or awkwardness and you can’t see over the protective fence your mind built.
Here’s a quote from a book by Alan Watts, The Book: On the taboo against Knowing Who You Are: “the ego is indeed a fake—a wall of defense around a wall of defense, around nothing.”
I try to remember that what I’m protecting when I dread interacting with other people is imaginary. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just avoid things. Your choice.
Here are some Zen resources for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/nondenominationalzen/comments/lxkaf2/zen_resources_list/
Are is a non-Zen resource for you: https://www.amazon.com/Tantra-Illuminated-Philosophy-Practice-Tradition/dp/0989761304
I started with The Book and I think it is as good as any place to start: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Then I would suggest The Watercourse Way and The Way of Zen.
There are also many great things on YouTube.
Enjoy! And remember not to take it all too seriously!
श्रीमद भगवद्गीता is the Sanskrit text on the cover, Bhagavad Gita translates as "The Song of God/Celestial".
Here's a version of the full text by Project Gutenberg.
I was wrong, I don't have the Penguin version-- here's the translation I have.
I hope this is helpful and you enjoy!
A really interesting book that talks about life in the modern world, and spirituality, and frames it in a philosophical nature with regard to how people relate to ourselves and each other --- is called The Book by a man named Alan Watts.
He's dead now, but he was a westerner, yet a Zen Buddhist philosopher who wrote about the idea of being here now, living in the moment, and how we are all connected and part of one collective humanity.
I read it when I was much younger, and it really opened my mind to a lot of thoughts about the nature of humans and the universe we live in. I don't think it's too technical, I think it is accessible and fairly down-to-earth given the nature of the subject matter.
Check out this book on Goodreads:
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60551.The_Book_on_the_Taboo_Against_Knowing_Who_You_Are
Amazon:
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are https://www.amazon.com/dp/0679723005/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2WfxEbWJMFXXP
I agree, drugs do not do anything special you could not do by yourself. However, they are a way to alter your perspective. They are not the only way, but they are not an inferior or superior way; they are merely different.
I do read books, and I'd like to recommend The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. That book has successfully altered a lot of perspectives and refined my own.
The Byrom translation of The Ashtavakra Gita is pretty sublime.
It was published by Shambhala and is available in print on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Awareness-Translation-Ashtavakra-Shambhala/dp/1570628971
The name of the the book is actually "The Book" - https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005.
I definitely understand the feeling of knowing the right place to stand. The truth is, there is no right or wrong place to stand. Just standing. It gets really messy when we are trying to work things out when we also try to figure out the right and wrongs of it all. There may be right or wrong ways to act out how we feel, but there are no wrong feelings per se. The spinning compass could indicate there is nowhere to go, you're exactly where you need to be at this time. Maybe it isn't pleasant, but it's also not forever.
Tantra Illuminated by Christopher Wallisis really practical and grounded. Everytime I read it I go a little deeper than before into my practice.
>I dont really get what u mean by this
read this book then
https://www.amazon.in/India-Sacred-Geography-Diana-Eck/dp/0385531923
I knew your version was ISKON, please forget the text you have and pick another immediately. In the comments I have suggested this one Bhagavad Gita: A New Translation https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609810340/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_E1328J2NS1YV014C3F8C?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I feel like this Gita Bhagavad Gita: A New Translation https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609810340/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_E1328J2NS1YV014C3F8C?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 is the best and only one that is beautiful and allows you to find meaning. All other texts are interpretations of someone else’s understandings. Get a Gita that is a pure translation of all ancient texts curated
Hey stranger, not exactly Zen Buddhism, not exactly western philosophy, more of an intellectual mashup of them among others, but I’d definitely recommend
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
It’s cheap, a quick read, and will plunge you into eastern philosophy very quickly. DM if you’re ok with digital versions and don’t need a physical copy
https://www.amazon.com/Tantra-Illuminated-Philosophy-Practice-Tradition/dp/0989761304/
It's structured very much like a textbook, so I recommend the print version for the diagrams and for ease-of-use.
I’m a student of tantric yoga, on the path of Bhakti, which uses a lot of the same deity representations as Hinduism, and I found the book “Tantra Illuminated” to be really good at explaining the philosophy behind it.
Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0989761304/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_NTTMMK56P36N5E80BZ79
I read this book, and I thought the author did a good job sticking the philosophy. There were a couple tangents that went on longer than I wanted, but overall, focused on the sutras
But you already have. In fact, you've spent far longer in such a state than you have any other. You didn't come into this world from nothing, you came out of it into something, and that's just what you'd return to. It's not in the least something that's frightening. If anything it could be considered a return to normalcy, a default state. I recommend checking out Alan Watts The Book if this causes you serious anxiety.
I'm a Christian but highly recommend this book by an Indian Yogi:
Autobiography of a Yogi (Self-Realization Fellowship) https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0876120796/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_BTK7NAXF583M7MY99NJZ
He does a great job of showing how the core spiritual truths at the heart of all the major religions are the same.
Read Autobiography of a Yogi by P Yogananda; it speaks of reincarnation in detail and I think you will enjoy it. I was blown away by the author's ability to find the same core message at the heart of Christianity, Hinduism, and Islam.
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0876120796/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_68PZTNP3P3J84RQA70C3
I'm reading Autobiography of a Yogi right now and the author does a great job of bringing together concepts and scripture from Christianity, Islam, and obviously Hinduism to show that all of the major religions are all pointing to the same thing, just taking different roads to get there.
learner in brooklyn is well. upvoting for visibility. meanwhile: this book is amazing and it speaks of the real tantra (not the western view) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0989761304/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
This book called "Autobiography of a yogi" is a wonderful book that I read recently. One of my friend gifted me this but I put it on a shelf. Recently I read it during lockdown here in India and I found it exceptional.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0876120796/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_t1_Skj7FbR1Z50AH
Here’s an Amazon link, but I encourage you to try your local library first. They might have it in paper and digital format. Good luck!
fuck bro you're getting real on me now, I gotta think about this.
> These things just induce fear and anxiety because I see them like this
this is a good thing. fear and anxiety are signs that you are changing into something that scares you. but what else would it mean to become a powerful man, other than what you fear?
remember: bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather doing what needs to be done despite feeling fear.
> I only know what I do and have done, and my perspective of my identity and what I know. I know that they must be somehow related, but I do not know how or in what way.
You are not old yet. You have plenty of time to learn new tricks. It is extremely unfortunate that most of us in this God-forsaken nation have been raised (or essentially not raised) to follow some nonsense that doesn't hold any weight beyond the maturity of a 19 year old.
> Because of this, I am always fearful of reconsidering my per-conceived notions, externally-induced or not, or making drastic changes to my behaviour, out of fear of losing the good parts that I see in my identity or thinking.
This is foolish. The positive aspects never go anywhere. As you build on yourself, you only improve, you don't really "replace" anything. Whatever you've already attached yourself to - you did so because it spoke to you, even if it was on a child level or whatever it may be. You will not change beyond what is meant for you, embrace it and become yourself. https://open.spotify.com/track/7lS9QAZEVs954CUvOiP3Zk
https://www.amazon.ca/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005 - shameless plug of relevant book that is available at the UW library. Read it, please.
Get Ashtavakra Gita, one of the Jewels of Non - Dualism ( Advaita ) , its a short read. I recommend the poetic version by Thomas Byrom https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Awareness-Translation-Ashtavakra-Shambhala/dp/1570628971/ pair the reading with the lectures on Ashtavakra Gita by Swami Sarvapriyananda ( available on youtube ).
I really recommend The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali
The wife and i have been doing yoga with adriene and love her so much!
I have no need for the module, but this is my favorite book:
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are - Alan Watts - a very inspiring book.
If your curiosity invites, something that has really guided in connecting the dot of everything is the classical Tantra era during 600 to 1100 period.
It's filled with artistic goddesses, psychology, philosophy, history, and ancient technology mnemonic devices all driven to re-cognize your true Self.
Here's the Amazon link.
P.S. I made sure it's not an affiliate link. I support the author, but not necessarily Amazon. Sometimes when I copy and paste resources to folks I care about, it saves the affiliate link from another person's Amazon affiliate account. Personally, the intentions are a bit off for me when others do this as the profits are going more towards Amazon and the other person's shared affiliate link rather than supporting the author itself.
Good call. Take a nice long break and only if you're really called to do it, you could venture back. In the meantime, developing a consistent meditation practice and sitting with the questions you have will also open up the answers from within you. After several psychedelic journeys with mushrooms and lsd, and a long spiritual search culminating into accepting Yoga as my path, I have been taught and have come to realize that all the answers are within us if we just get still enough and quiet enough and make the mind one-pointed enough. A book I would recommend which you might find interesting and helpful is: https://www.amazon.com/Yoga-Sutras-Patanjali-Swami-Satchidananda/dp/1938477073/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1R61O8AMPCMZX&keywords=yoga+sutras+of+patanjali+-+by+swami+satchidananda&qid=1559415084&s=gateway&sprefix=yoga+sutras+of%2Caps%2C126&sr=8-1
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Wish you all the joys and successes beyond your wildest dreams!
I’d seriously consider getting a skilled therapist, he / she can help you work through all of the religious trauma. It takes awhile to undo and it helps to have someone as a sounding board. It will take time to heal, just remember it’s a process and it takes awhile (it took me a few years). But it does get better and it will all be ok.
Also, I highly recommend reading Alan Watts. He will break the Christian illusion in a way that will show you who you really are.
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Wishing you much luck, love, and happiness, you’re amongst friends here!