This book on Inner Bonding has done wonders for me.
Also, I'm in therapy doing ACT. Which is based on meditation. And I've done that on and off for years.
And
> growing up in this feminist society and cruel world
is not your problem. You are your own worst enemy. Stop externalizing and take responsibility.
Yes! I get this. Parts and inner child work always felt more performative than helpful. This book Inner Bonding helped me connect to the inner child stuff at least in a direct, genuine way. The author basically explains that we have an inner adult (our thoughts) and an inner child (our feelings/sensations). We use the inner adult to parent the inner child like a good enough parent would. The book gets very clear on the steps to take and explains why pretty thoroughly. Its definitely worth anyone’s time, I highly recommend it. Just feel free to skip the preverbal trauma chapter. That seemed to take a left turn. As with any self help book take what you need leave what you don’t. Hope this helps!
To add on to Interesting_Cat6184’s comment the book Inner Bonding helped me conceptualize inner child work much better when the visualization exercises didn’t quite resonate with me. Different things for different people, I’m not so imaginative. To oversimplify it your Inner Adult which are your thoughts, parents the Inner child, which are your emotional feelings along with your senses. You’re literally responding to your body with your thoughts exactly the way a good parent would their child. I highly recommend it. It’s been nice starting to build that relationship with myself so far.
If you're tired of talking, you could find other ways to express your feelings. If dance helps, dance out your emotions. Or express it through art. You can find art therapy resources online
I found this book helpful for getting in touch with my child selves emotions. https://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Your-Inner-Child-Liberating/dp/0671701355
It uses dialogue writing as well as art exercises to process those deep pains. The excerpt is listed in the description.
And personally figuring out my own nervous system and applying Polyvagal theory to navigate my day to day life is what helped me. For that I recommend Deb Dana's book, 'Anchored'. And using vagus nerve exercises. The more nervous system capacity you have, the more you feel capable of processing the difficult stuff.
Here's my list but it's a very individualistic journey. https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/hikdzw/selfhealing_plan/fwgqvth/
It does get better but not in the way you expect. Like you do get better overtime but not without feeling and processing all the painful stuff. So it's like the better you get at holding space for it, processing and integrating it, the more you feel whole and capable, so gradually the painful stuff doesn't constantly overwhelm you anymore. You have space for more in your life and also more capacity for the difficult stuff. That's what's been my experience.
Hope this helps. It sucks now but it does get better.
This article is a good starting point https://lonerwolf.com/feeling-safe-inner-child/
Look up the Homecoming series by John Bradshaw on YouTube. It's old and a bit outdated but a really deep dive into inner child work.
And I found this book helpful, it's got arts, crafts and dialogue writing to connect with your inner child.
The description section gives an overview, so you can check if it's your cup of tea.
https://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Your-Inner-Child-Liberating/dp/0671701355
The way to think about inner child work is that developmental trauma keep us stuck in several points in our life. Those younger parts of us are still holding on to that pain and hurt and have unmet needs. Which the adult us can provide them by connecting with them and as such help them grow. Part of dissociation is fragmentation, that those child parts of us are stuck in time. So yes it helps with dissociation. It's also a good foundation for parts work/Internal Family systems therapy that works with these fragmented aspects of our psyche.
It's perfectly normal to struggle in the beginning. Cause we have been disconnected from our younger selves for so long. But patience, compassion for both the child and your adult self for trying your best and persistence is key.
The best advice about inner child work that I've heard is,"That you won't get it right but you also can't fail at it." Because you too are learning this skill for the first time but for that abandoned inner child, any connection is better than nothing."
I know It's not in person but virtual (( hugs)) to you. One thing that has helped me is a workbook included in the link below. I find that the other hand method in the prompts of drawing and writing really give me a perspective of my inner child. It has at times triggered me to finally face this therapy. But the times it has comforted me have been so beneficial. My kid needs me to reparent her. We've had some really great conversations. She and I also had chocolate cake and I journaled hugging her. It's been very heartwarming to know I'm able to heal with her. : ) The author has other workbooks on Amazon that might work well too. Even if you don't purchase the workbook, allow yourself to hug your inner kiddo, cry with them too. Total judgment free zone and super comforting!!!
Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671701355/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_3BFW6HG1M6TJ6BTJ4F24
The set was a gift from my brother! Here’s the link:
Affirmators! 50 Affirmation Cards Deck to Help You Help Yourself - Without the Self-Helpy-Ness! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601067119/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_1FS92886SM5MB3JW9HR5
I’ve done so much reading in my recovery and nothing compares to this book in terms of codependency and SLAA stuff:
https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109/ref=nodl_
Haven‘t read it, but plan on doing it someday
Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role https://www.amazon.de/dp/B08KHS41K4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_81FPSW6EPJWFCCF2C52N?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I read an article the author wrote about FSA, you can easily find it, got me a good feel for how the book might be
Also The Body Keeps the Score for CPTSD
Amazing job! This can absolutely change lives regardless of whether parents ever drank.or not... simply tools to.unlearn any learned behaviors. Emdr is also amazing and lots of you tube clips by psychiatrists about how yo process, root cause, etc...
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008YH705E/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_9TF5WZV9AKKG607ZV745
It’s a book in most libraries https://www.amazon.com.au/ADULT-CHILDREN-ALCOHOLICS-DYSFUNCTIONAL-FAMILIES-ebook/dp/B008YH705E
ACA Fellowship Text, Hard Cover edition, was written by anonymous ACA members providing guidance on working the 12 Step ACA program leading to recovery from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. The book is now often referred to as the "Big Red Book", or "BRB".
Hardcover. Sold individually.
ISBN 978-0-9789797-0-6
You may also like
Twelve Steps of Adult Children (Spiral Bound) Twelve Steps of Adult Children (Spiral Bound) Regular price $10.00 Strengthening My Recovery (Hardcover, 5x7) Strengthening My Recovery (Hardcover, 5x7) Regular price $12.00 Strengthening My Recovery (Softcover, Pocket Size) Strengthening My Recovery (Softcover, Pocket Size) Regular price $10.00 The Laundry Lists (Spiral bound) The Laundry Lists (Spiral bound) Regular price $12.00
Putting this separate since it's a different direction ...
Therapy-wise, I would recommend looking into Inner Child work. I've only just started but it's powerful stuff. It has definitely made clear to me why I am anxious, or what I personally like to call Love Insecure.
For less than $20 and a few hours of your time, you could try out some of the simple exercises described. To get started just need the book and a box of crayons ;)
I don’t know what your situation is but if this speaks to you at all I’m happy to have it sent to you.
Super cute! I had to google those cute things with illustrations, it's Affirmators in Amazon if anyone else is wondering
Now I just pity you. Sorry for pissing you off so much, you need to control your anger. Here’s a resource you might be able to use.
Yeah sure thing buddy ;)
Here’s a book I recommended to one of my tenants, I think you could find some use in it as well.
It’s okay little one! You don’t have to struggle through this alone.
1) It looks like the above quote is from a non-official book. ACA/ACoA does teach you the skills to "detach" if that is part of your recovery, and there is no reason to wait until you do so to join an ACA group.
2) Yes, but not for free. There are kindle and pub versions of the BRB available and there is a good amount of the most important literature on the official adultchildren.org website.
3) Some people continue attending meetings long after they feel they have changed their lives in order to share their strength, hope, and encouragement with others. How long change takes is an individual thing. Some ACAs come in early in their journey, still carrying a heavy burden of denial and unwillingness. Others arrive with their feet already on the path and ready to walk it. Some people feel they need wait a year or two to get a sponsor and work the steps. Others begin after only a handful of meetings, though some of this group may stall out at step 4. There are no promises or guarantees of timing. My experience is that I made more progress in my first 6 months of ACA and ACA stepwork than I had in the previous 5 years. It was a huge and noticeable shift. If you are hungry for change and ready to sit with the pain and discomfort of clarity and change, then you should see a difference pretty quickly. Those changes also have to be maintained. You are not a broken toy that needs to be glued back together, you are a whole person learning to outgrow and replace deep survival habits that no longer serve you. Learning new ways to live is the first part of recovery, holding on to those new ways of life when things are challenging is the rest of it.
It helped, yay ! I so relate to your struggle with creative expression. I feel the same way, if I can't create life seems really, really bleak. Thankfully it's getting better, inner child work is helping me in this regards. I was wondering if you've delved into it and your experience ? I came across this book which sounds really promising. I'm really hoping it helps with self expression and creativity.
Thankyou for sharing that, teared me up. Them Japs have an answer for everything !
Luckily I had a half decent childhood. As traumatizing as home was, I got plenty of positive reinforcement from outside. It's later on that things got fucked up. It's that memory of a, not messed up me that I've held on to all these years. But I can imagine how hard it must be for people like your friend. When you've never known anything different, anything normal. The only identity that you've ever had is a traumatized, dysfunctional self... But there's so many resources and tools out there, that I believe recovery and changing your life trajectory is possible.
Isn't Inner child work brilliant ?! I think everyone needs to do it. It's the most fascinating concept I've come across in this field. Here's a podcast, you might find interesting.
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0126-healing-the-inner-child-with-merja-sumiloff/
Also I came across this book, which goes deeper into it. It sounds really promising, so fingers crossed and toes crossed !
Anyways, I'll see you around. Ciao.
When I left for college I got my highschool sister a book quite similar to this, and she has kept it in her car and uses it pretty often. Worth at least a look!
Growing Yourself Back Up because it changed me as a person for the better as I was reading it.
Exactly, my own words on the subject are: We humans regress to an emotional place where we superimpose ourself onto others so we can "teach them it's wrong", when really we are just trying to teach ourselves while at the same time going "la la la la la" and not listening. So we keep doing it, until the "other" people will listen to us.
We're actually all walking around doing this kind of thing all the time, just not necessarily with such a controversial subject as homosexuality.
Here is a link to a book that helped me become more aware of my own regressions: Growing yourself back up -- John Lee . I couldn't put it down once I started the read on this short little book.