I understand the concern about going to a doctor and them telling you that’s actually you’re “normal.” As if finding out all the things you’re struggling with are not adhd and therefore there’s a problem because you just can’t figure some things out. I was diagnosed with adhd a little older than you (8-10) and my parents were supportive and I was treated. As an adult (20s) I was worried that if I ever got “re tested” they’d say I don’t have it then I’d have all these concerns about myself.
Check out this book and if it sounds like how you feel it may reaffirm some things for you. I would also recommend just going to the doctor (or a therapist if you want to start there but they can’t prescribe medicine usually).
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
A.D.D. and ADHD are often concurrent with another cognitive / learning disability.
The classic tome on this subject is a book called Driven To Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell (M.D.) - This may be a good starting place. Finding a good specialist is of course indispensable.
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
I was diagnosed at 5 and thought I grew out of it.
I did not. Instead I was just barely coping. Always in trouble at work, always half-finished projects, all my bills paid late, moving every 6 months. Getting help has changed me from being someone who is chronically late to someone that's 5 minutes early.
To all my ladies with ADHD. YOU ARE NOT A FUCKUP OR A FAILURE.
What's changed my world is understanding how my brain and body work and creating sustainable routines in my life. The way I think is different and I have learned to work with myself instead of against it.
You may needs meds, or counseling, or a combination. But you are not a shitty person. Help is out there.
Recommended reading:
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder
Link to Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
My son got diagnosed at 2 but we were worried about language cat 18 months. He is a few months shy of 4 now. He uses 1-2 word phrases still for almost all his needs, occasional 3-4 word sentences that he is mimicing from movies, shows, ect but they are not in the right context probably 70% of the time. He never caught on to sign language very well, but having two languages spoken (not so much anymore) in our house was helpful if he can't say a word income we try the other. He knows many words in French and English as well.
Your biggest help, if I could recommend, is paying attention to his mood, reaction, and needs. They won't be able to say when they are tired, hungry, angry, frustrated all the time or very clearly, so minimizing meltdowns or overstimulation is huge for us. We still rely on them.
Our son used to not have trouble with food but around 2.5-3y/o he started limiting foods. Which sucks, but they have things like nutrition therapy to combine with OT and Speech. Don't let anyone try and punish or stop them from stimming.
Also, look at therapy for yourselves. It can be very overwhelming sometimes. Celebrate the small victories and enjoy it. Our son might be different but all his teachers and care providers always say he is just the sweetest and happiest kid.
Sorry I ranted A bit. Look at the other subs recommended that have been posted here!
This book is great!https://www.amazon.com/Early-Start-Your-Child-Autism/dp/160918470X
Only reason I went is because I had this one boss that also had ADD and recognized the signs in me. He recommended me this book, which wound up being the push I needed to go get help. Maybe you'll find it useful. It very much changed my life.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_XH91AKDR9ZMAYKE7Z3QQ
I really like How To ADHD on YouTube.
And I’m currently reading this:
Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1641522720/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_R4XFPZN1FT1AQ24JYT7Y
Read this book, or better yet listen to it, it’ll change your life...for the better 🙂 Driven to Distraction (Revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_WR7PSZQ6ZJF99GJ30NVE
I identify with a lot about what's been mentioned here, I'm a 6w7 and was diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago. I think you're absolutely right that there are significant links between type 6 personality behavior traits and many of the characteristics of ADD/ADHD. I don't think ADHD is limited to just type 6's but I do think Type 6's are especially strong candidates for ADHD. I recently read Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It by Gabor Maté. Dr. Mate calls ADD 'Attachment deficit disorder' and makes an interesting case for how lack of attachment and attunement in early childhood can lead to ADD. In reading about the Type 6 'childhood wound' and in reflecting on my own childhood and upbringing I can see how a lack of parental attachment & attunement, frequent criticism & punishment, authoritarian and demanding caregivers, has produced many of the personality behavior traits that make me a 6 and also contribute greatly to my ADD. You can read the first chapter of his book here.
Yeah I get it. I was in those shoes a couple years ago. It all fit really strongly (I thought of myself as super absent minded and forgetful), but people are so touchy about ADHD being overdiagnosed that I wanted to be super sure.
So I just told my doctor what I was having issues with, he suggested it could maybe be ADHD, and I told him I really wanted to confirm it absolutely for sure sure. So he referred me to a neuropsychologist to do the testing. Cost me about $800 after insurance.
Separately, many people (myself included) have found this book super helpful for understanding ADHD. I think I did the audiobook version on audible. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307743152
What you described is pretty much exactly how I was for the first 22 years of my life. Those 3 disorders are definitely related and exacerbate each other. Things changed dramatically once I got treatment. I didn't stay on medication long term but the time I spent on it completely course corrected my life in more ways than I could list here.
This book was recommended to me by a boss I had who suffers from ADD and noticed similar traits in me (and in typical fashion, I only read half of it). It may help nudge you in the right direction.
I highly recommend An Early Start For Your Child With Autism. It's the guidebook for the Early Start Denver Model, and it was a great help with speech. Also, look into non-verbal forms of communication. We did signing and some pictures first. We still use pictures with my son on occasion, even though he speaks fully now. There's this idea that verbal communication is the best way to communicate, and that's simply not true for everyone.
Assume competence. When my son started speech therapy at 15 months, he showed no understanding of words. Later, we realized that he understood words that he showed no understanding of before.
Here's a little write up I did of some of the speech lessons I learned from the ESDM.
The most important thing I've learned though, is to find out what interests your child and use that for speech. What does your son really like? Any toys he prefers? You said Superwhy. Are there any songs from the story that could help you connect? (Daniel Tiger is great for this). How does he react to pictures of characters from the show or figurines?
I'd also get a new ABA therapist if your current behavior plan isn't working and they haven't developed a new one.
I have a nearly 3 year old son with autism and I've found the book An Early Start For Your Child With Autism invaluable for helping him develop good communication skills. It breaks down everything so that it's easy for a parent to understand and follow, and was developed by the UC Davis MIND institution and has been well studied with great results.
I also like the book Engaging Autism, which is based on the Floortime method, although it is designed for children a little bit older. Between the two, I'd start with ESDM, although they are complimentary and there's no reason you can't do both at once.
Buy yourselves a copy of Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It
It was a game changer for me.
Well if you get tested for ADHD by a professional and get diagnosed, they can prescribe you medication. Otherwise, you can work with a professional to come up with a strategy to manage this. Highly recommend this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152
There is a good book called Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. is a good read if you want to understand more.
I’ve heard there’s a lot of workbooks which seems a little silly for adhd folks. I read this book when I first got diagnosed (which maybe it’s too introductory for you) but it really made me understand my behavior, especially the ones I carried shame about.
Driven to Distraction (Revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005GFII62/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_06GGZ2ACMXEXQ6YNYYXX
NTA.
I've got ADHD, and when I got diagnosed, that meant I could get treatment, and it was only at that point that I could be very successful in my work.
Heck, my favorite book on ADHD was written by two doctors who have it themselves.
Also: this book is a really compassionate outline of ADHD: what it feels like to have it and what can be done to manage it. It really helped me come to terms with my diagnosis and even appreciate some of the things that are even positive about it.
I have adhd too. i think i've finally found a solution of sorts, which might take a long time to fix, but it seems like i might be on the right path. There's this book i just read and it seems to give me answers to problems i didnt know might be related to adhd. https://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates-ebook/dp/B002UZDTFG I suggest you read it. It might also give you thoughts on how you might want to care for your child who might also be predisposed to ADD, maybe even help you with your own healing.
Strongly agree. She might find it helpful to read Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder by Hallowell and Ratey and see if it resonates with her experience. There is help out there.
Teachers, please read the book Driven to Distraction so you can learn more about ADHD. The author is a psychiatrist, who has ADHD. It is incredibly well written and easy to read. Check it out!!
> I say this to him as well. He gets offended if I bring up his adhd as if I don’t understand it. Which I don’t, I admit.
If you wish, you could learn to understand possibly more than he does. My favorite book on the subject is this one.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/
As an adult with ADHD who knows it impacts the people around me, I actually buy a copy of that book for my manager every time I get a new manager, so it's available to them if they wish to understand me better. And my spouse has certainly read it, as well as several other books on the subject that we own.
As promised, Driven to Distraction it was a HUGE help once I was finally able to briefly get myself in therapy, and it was mind blowing reading all of the experiences of these patients like, holy shit. It’s all me.
I too was “depressed” before I was diagnosed (13/14?) and that was what I was given before finally getting to see a psychiatrist because it had gotten so bad and anti-depressants just could not touch it. (I am not suicidal nor have I attempted, kind redditor who sent me cares, I’m just too much of a perfectionist and over critique myself which leads to self loathing, laziness, and an awesome sense of humor) Thankfully I was in Girl Scouts with a girl who had also been recently diagnosed and our moms discussed it and I got tested.
>”shut up and be a man”
I am truly sorry the previous generation failed you that way, and please have a hug in return ❤️
>The best part…
Forgive me, I’m on mobile but literally everything you said. The online/personal connection and finally being “got” is completely mind boggling. It’s a struggle still with people who aren’t aware, because they can’t fully relate or they just don’t realize how completely it can debilitate you when coupled with anxiety and depression.
>What if…
Nah, there’s always time. I know what you’re saying, and get the same thoughts and worries but if you look at the bright side that just means after you retire (comfortable life) you can kick anything’s ass you decide to take on once you know the tricks.
The book is on Amazon, and has a digital version (maybe even an Audible) and it is well worth the read.
I will do, the treatment is a bit pricey to be honest but I am honestly willing to try anything to help with my reading.
Davis Apparently it works by trying to get you to actively think about words that people with dyslexia and people with adhd often memorize but don’t put any thought into actually readying. It corrects your brain to actively sound the words out instead of read them based off of memorization.
Here is a book on it as well. Haven’t read it personally.
Eh, lots of girls mask symptoms very effectively in certain parts of their lives.
It’s a curse! So often adhd girls try so hard, literally beat their brains into submission to align with society in whatever ways they can, take serious psychological damage doing so, get almost close enough to pass as “normal” and then something stupid happens and people say things that make it obvious you’ll never be good enough.
“You’re too bright to lose your things!”
“You weren’t always this lazy!”
“Why can’t you just [insert literally anything]?!”
My parents said shit like that all the time, and I internalized every word of it. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 30’s, and unlearning all of that shame will take my next 30 years at least. Lol
I’m an adhd mama to adhd kiddos (a daughter and trans son) and neither needed any medical intervention until puberty hit.
All that said? She needs to be a part of the solution. Make it clear that she will need to pay for any future misplaced or ruined things, and then help her build a framework to avoid it coming to that.
Trackers on gear, Otterbox-type cases on iPads/phones, and a lists that pop up when arriving/leaving certain places (Siri can do it, not sure about android) are some things that we do here to mitigate the pitfalls of adhd.
Have you ever read Understanding Girls with ADHD? Highly recommend!
I highly recommend the book Understand Girls with ADHD. It’s so hard to move past ingrained misconceptions of ADHD when you don’t have a roadmap; providing one can be a game changer sometimes.
Look for books recommended by actual therapists. These are not always the bestsellers, although sometimes they are. I don't have ADHD, but I think Driven to Distraction is one that is recommended.
I recommend looking into the Early Start Denver Model. They have an amazing parent friendly book. The beginning goals focus on early social engagement that is the foundation for communication and learning. They are also developmentally appropriate for an 18 month old.
https://www.amazon.com/Early-Start-Your-Child-Autism/dp/160918470X