The best Medical Counseling books: Reddit reviews

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Oh jesus christ. I am so, so sorry that your mother is pulling this manipulative and abusive bullshit.

And that's exactly what it is: manipulative and abusive bullshit. I don't know if anyone's recommended you check out r/raisedbynarcissists yet, but please consider doing it. You'll find a huge community of people with parents who have Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders (among others), sharing stories and getting support for situations very much like yours. This whole "I'm going to kill myself because of you" scheme is a common one. My grandmother is Borderline, and she royally fucked my family with these kinds of threats and other abusive, manipulative behaviors.

One thing that's helped me significantly (both to understand how my grandmother's mind works, how to deal with her, and how to navigate the fuckery she's made of the family) is reading books like "Understanding the Borderline Mother" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells." I've also been in therapy with someone who specializes in dealing with borderline people, even though I'm not borderline myself. I 100% advocate doing research and seeking advice from therapists about your situation.

And please know that nothing your mother does is your fault. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and you shouldn't let her convince you that everyone would be better off without you. Because she's absolutely and completely wrong.

yes, but no.

this is my story https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/feb/08/my-life-in-sex-we-tell-each-other-everything-about-our-sex-with-other-people

no, there is no way to cope. - on your own. no, there is no way to adjust. - on your own.

there is a chance - a slim one - that you both restart your relationship in a new way.

but if he cheated on you - and now wants a free pass with opening the relationship so everything is fine - then no, that is most likely not going to happen.

read https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583 if you want to read how other couples handled this

NTA. Your mum is TA.

Holy crap...if I pulled this shit on my daughter, there would be hell to pay....and rightly so.

You are on your honeymoon. You do NOT need your mother ruining your holiday!

Enjoy your honeymoon, and when you get back, pick up a book called The Narcissistic Familyand read it from cover to cover.

>How does this situation improve?

Honestly, it probably doesn't.

I'd focus less on him and his diagnoses and more on setting healthy boundaries, developing coping skills + moving away from codependance (pretty normal for adult children of alcoholics).

Strongly recc this book (for like the 3rd time today!):

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

Perel has a more recent book out which is even more relevant here: Rethinking Infidelity. She argues society is way too judgy about cheating, all things considered.

From what I’ve heard, this is the gold standard for MI. I don’t have it but I’ve received some resources from it and it’s been very helpful.

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change, 3rd Edition (Applications of Motivational Interviewing) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609182278/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_DQ9SBTKKYQAN07E051NN?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

>mentioning the second law of thermodynamics

The second law of thermodynamics applies to closed systems. It implies the Sun will run down eventually if let it continue shining. The Earth isn't a closed system, since it receives sunlight, and your body isn't a closed system because you eat.

But I agree with the other posters, anxiety about the prospect of dying is more of a problem than the specific scenarios. I have had luck with "Unlocking the Emotional Brain", but I stopped reading at their summary of EMDR because it seemed ridiculously optimistic.

Appreciate your compassion and suggestions. Thank you kindly.

There's an illuminating and relevant collection of work about somewhat similar states of being called "Spiritual Emergency" with Ram Dass, Stan Grof, and others.

Without delving too deep into a complex issue, I've discovered that the resonances I mention extend beyond the online digital matrix. There are definitely algorithms that data-mine everything and create feedback loops using keywords and such, but the really bizarre realization is that the echo-like nature (what Dr. John C Lilly called the Earth Coincidence Control Office [ECCO]) cascades over into the so-called real world. For example, phrases are repeated back to me: I'll say something on the phone to one individual, and then later that day have the exact phrase said to me from an entirely different person. If the reality could indicate the purpose of these recursive repeats it would be easier to deal with why it duplicates and reverberates redundantly. It can be alienating and disorienting to impart a specific phrase to someone, like the number: 161803, and then have a totally different individual repeat it back to me in a separate and unrelated occasion. Is this a common experience for other people? It truly feels like being in the matrix.

Great recommendation about spending time in nature. I enjoy being outdoors - sauntering and cavorting on this beautiful planet. The extended time in cyberspace is due to all of the "pandemic" issues and general lack of friends. I don't need a counselor, I need love.

Yes--I found the article revelatory when I first read it as well!

Have you read The Narcissistic Family? It also gets at this exact thing--check out page three of the Introduction (which you can see if you choose the "Look Inside this Book" option): https://www.amazon.ca/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Agreed, and I would just like to take this opportunity to plug another fantastic book on parts and dissociation: The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization

Mental schemas - Circuits built over time create instinct that influences your actions and emotions

But those Instincts are very different from person to person

Very heavily based on personal experience and personal truths

If you're interested in changing mental schemas this is the authority on the subject

You can also lookup "Memory Reconsolidation Therapy" on youtube

Please excuse my presumption, but...I don't think you're a narcissist.

I think you come from a narcissistic family and picked up some narc tics, but you are far too self-aware and self-reflective to be a narcissist. The fact that you are not interested that much in other people's lives is more common than you think. My partner, who is incredibly kind and caring to everyone, has to be reminded to ask his brother about how things are going in his life and how his kids and grandkids are. I used to have to write down the names of his brother's grandkids for him, but now it's become a habit, and he remembers. My point is that some people are interested in other people, and some aren't: it doesn't mean you are a narcissist, just a bit self-focused and you can teach yourself to remember to ask people about themselves.

I do think you are depressed, however (again...excuse my presumption). The self-recriminations and isolating yourself from other people are typical for depression. Why not have a chat with your GP and see about getting on an SSRI or getting a referral to a psychiatrist.

In the meantime, if you have a chance, have a look at this book--I found it tremendously helpful in understanding the family I came from and its effect on me: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment https://www.amazon.ca/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703

I really love Esther Perel's "Where Should We Begin" - it's real recorded MC sessions with her clients that cover a variety of topics. The way that she probes to get to the heart of issues is just a master class. You can usually get a decent idea of the topic being covered from the episode description, so you can hop around to conflicts that you think would be relevant to your own journey.

(Also, her book "The State of Affairs" is equally powerful in reframing infidelity and really examining why we do it and how a relationship can survive it )

There is an entire book on the subject and it is very enlightening: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment

I stayed up all night reading it when I first heard of it and it changed my life.

I agree with your response...except for the part about telling the parents what they did wrong. I had these parents, and they will ALWAYS have an excuse for their shitty behaviour, and they are incapable of change.

They "favour" the older sister because it's easier to do that than to put up with her rages and they want to take the path of least resistance because they've always been too focused on their own emotional needs than that of their children.

They likely can't stand the sister, but letting her have her way gives them temporary peace, and they know their son will let it pass without rages (and they don't care about his inner emotional angst because they don't have to deal with it).

They are likely a narcissistic family: https://www.amazon.ca/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703

If OP goes to counseling with them, they will spend the entire time explaining THEIR side of it and explaining that their daughter has "greater needs," and what great parents they are for addressing them.

I have lived the life of OP. The sibling that raged and ranted until she got her way is in her sixties now, has never held down a job for more than a couple of years, leached off our parents and a spouse for a few years. Now that our parents are dead (and the gravy train has dried up) and she's divorced, she lives on government payouts, estranged from everyone in the family and most of her one-time friends.

I think OP should cut ties with his undeserving family, get counseling to come to an understanding of his own worth (which was not demonstrated to him from his parents), and move on.

You're getting lots of downvotes for simply asking a question, but Kundalini experiences can, in fact, be very psychedelic. Tuning into some other threads at /r/kundalini may align with the discussion you're looking for.

For many people, yoga is an hour long "class" where they're instructed to stretch and breathe, before walking or driving back to their regular life. However, the roots of yoga includes living in nature, smoking charas, fasting for days, prolonged silence or isolation, and activating cosmic energies.

And Rogan isn't "trolling for listeners". Activating Kundalini can harm a person who isn't prepared physically, mentally, and spiritually. A related book is Spiritual Emergency, which features numerous doctors and therapists who discuss the delicate relationships between psychological distress, catharsis, and genuine activation of paranormal or metaphysical energy.

I can also recommend The Narcissistic Family, which helped me understand exactly OP's point for the first time, extremely helpful.

A book relevant to this subject is titled "Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis," and features a variety of different authors and researchers with holistic perspectives.

The book, "Spiritual Emergencies" may offer helpful clarity for you.

Also, to reimprint yourself with positive, relaxing energy, you may find it worthwhile to connect with nature and silence, to include meditation, and frequency soundscapes that help you to feel at ease.

For a mental reset, here's a map of medical ketamine clinics.

I second the recommendation for Leaving the Fold by Dr. Marlene Winell. I took a lot of notes and still re-read some parts. It has helped me a lot with unlearning the mental and emotional conditioning.

Check out the book, The Narcissistic Family: https://www.amazon.ca/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703?asin=0787908703&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1

You can read the intro on the Amazon website--see especiall p. 3 of the introduction about ACOC and the narcissistic family.

If you want THE book on structural dissociation, pick up The Haunted Self. Fair warning, it is most decidedly not a light read. It’s very academic and brainy, in parts. It can be very dry. It’s also incredibly fascinating and taught me a ton.

"Leaving the Fold" was a helpful read for me. It's no cure, but did help me understand that I'm not alone in having trauma from my excessively religious upbringing. It's not just about the deconversion process, but also covers some of the lingering psychological effects that we face after.

https://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278 motivational interviewing I think is helpful no matter what modality you end up using. I think it really makes the extra difference which helps you pay extra attention to the client’s processes to make sure you’re not moving faster than the client is ready for.

I found the explanation of enmeshment amazing and revelatory. Changed my life.

Another life-changing book: The Narcissistic Family

You're welcome. And, what a coincidence!

For the past few days/ week, I've been plugging my way through:

https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/1462541461/ref=pd_sbs_1/141-7348406-9121048?pd_rd_w=VgKqK&pf_rd_p=3676f086-9496-4fd7-8490-77cf7f43f846&pf_rd_r=459R928V61XKRC8Q928K&pd_rd_r=b8d00856-59cb-402f-83c2-ec8772f0f761&pd_rd_wg=zZNZ9&pd_rd_i=1462541461&psc=1

I'm obsessed with it. Also, on its societal implications.

I've already seen significant benefits by applying the concepts onto myself. I've put in at least 11 hours of practice. I will say though that I had quite a dangerous experience doing that yesterday.

Update: Part III of the book https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/1462541461 entails one of the founders of IFS, R. Schwartz, talking about the societal analysis possible via IFS.

Nice. If she's open for recommendations, you may want to suggest IFS 2nd ed and the Skills Training Manual. Both are suitable for practitioners. They recommend you wait until you do a Level 1 before you do unburdenings with clients, but the nuts and bolts of it are all there.

Sorry about the double reply and also sorry about the Amazon link…but I just wanted to make sure this is the book you were talking about https://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278

Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell is a really good one. It's not expensive but there are lots of free articles also available at her website Journey Free.