Just a note that nowadays the SNR is considered to be fight/flight/freeze. Freeze response is just as common in nature but was largely ignored by psychology researchers due to a lack of access to female test subjects, who skew toward freeze more often than fight. I can't recommend The Body Keeps the Score enough, which goes into very deep and well-researched detail regarding trauma, anxiety, depression, and the body's response to it.
I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
It might help to understand how a person can “fake” human emotions when deep inside they lack empathy etc..
It’s creepy to encounter people who operate like this.. it’s like the wolf in sheeps clothing.
I'm sorry to hear that her therapy caused her flashbacks that were so bad that she had to quit. I don't know how long ago that was, but could she be convinced to try again? There are a lot of therapists now who specialize in trauma, and they have a lot of good evidence that somatic treatments like EMDR are extremely effective for PTSD and Complex PTSD.
It's only very recently that anyone has had any idea how to treat PTSD, and treatment is improving all the time. Check out The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, it's an excellent overview of how PTSD and trauma affect the body, and the various treatment options.
She definitely needs a trauma therapist, though, especially since she's already had flashbacks. They will start the treatment with helping her grow her emotional resources so that the flashbacks won't overwhelm her. The whole idea is to take it at a manageable pace so it's not terrifying. As someone dealing with Complex PTSD, I can say that trauma therapy has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and also that it's only thing that could possibly help me live my life fully.
I'm sorry to hear that her health is failing. Her life is NOT over in her 60s, she still potentially has many years left, and it must be so hard to see her in despair like this. Hugs for you if you want them. <3
Your old boss was right and if you're interested in reading about this topic more I would highly recommend reading The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson. There's a lot of fascinating info in this book about psychopaths and how they operate and there is a section that talks about the fact that there is a higher rate of psychopaths among CEO's compared to the general public. Unfortunately, in business it does tend to be beneficial to only care about yourself and what you can gain and to not have any qualms about screwing people over to benefit yourself and the company.
https://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Case-Donald-Trump-Psychiatrists/dp/1250179459
read this a few months back. it's fucking terrifying. it's actually outdated, but when you read it, you start comparing those events to present day chaos, and it magnifies the conclusion: the man is a dangerous combination of textbook narcissist and pathological liar. And his performance to date has done absolutely ZERO to detract from this conclusion, if anything, reinforced it's validity at every turn.
so here we are today. an entire party aligned behind this man who's not only wacky af, but actively working with foreign powers to subvert our own goals and destroy our historic alliances.
mueller save us, please.
That's so understandable that it makes you angry. There's a really good edit about females with ADD(H), I think this is it: https://www.amazon.com/Women-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Differences/dp/0978590929/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=females+with+adhd&qid=1564979677&s=gateway&sr=8-2
Although my copy has a different cover.
https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381
If you read enough English to read this book, you should check it out.
Sounds like the cities in China are so hyper-modern-society'ized that it can be very harmful for your mental health.
This is how:
https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
As a society, we don't discuss it - the fact that around 20% of the people around us are sociopaths of one form or another - because honestly, it would lead to some very uncomfortable truths that we can't adult about.
Instead, we say things like "oh, he's just a bit eccentric" or "she likes the drama" - instead of doing what we should be doing about the problem, which is honestly discussing it and figuring out how to fix it, or at least make it less of a societal issue.
Male here, but I have to recommend this book whenever I have the chance: Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
Junger is war correspondent, documentary filmmaker, writer, etc. He's seen way more than most of us ever will, and this book really drove home some points for me about what it means to be part of your community, part of society, and how we treat each other.
This review on Amazon sums it up very well:
"Tribe focuses on the growing disconnect we’re experiencing with one another as a society, and the far reaching consequences of that disconnect. It’s an eye-opening letter to the American public that politely reminds us that we’ve lost our way when it comes to being a closer knit community as a whole.
Not always, of course. In his book, he touches on how tragedies such as 9/11 brings us closer - albeit briefly. But once the dust settles, we fall back to our old ways.
This is not a book about war, the military, or PTSD. It’s about the loss of belonging, caring for our fellow man as we do about the ones closest to us. He uses a parable about a brief encounter he has with a homeless man as a young adult. The man sees that he’s on a backpacking trip on his own and asks if he has enough food for his trip. The young Junger, afraid of being mugged for his supplies, lies and tells the man that he has just a little food to last him. The homeless man tells Junger he’ll never make it on what he has and hands him his lunch bag that he more than likely received from a homeless shelter - probably the only meal the homeless man would have the entire day. Sebastian feels horrible about himself after that, but uses that lesson as a parable for Tribe.
Think of your fellow man before thinking of yourself. Because without that sense of humanism, togetherness, belonging, we’re all dead inside."
If you've read The Psychopath Test by Jonathan Ronson, he comes to that very conclusion and it's a fascinating book. https://www.amazon.com/Psychopath-Test-Journey-Through-Industry/dp/1594485755
There's so many resources out there too!
I highly recommend Women with ADD by Sari Solden
How to ADHD on YouTube
And the 30 essentials for ADHD families lecture from Russell Barkley
Sociopaths are gifted at mimicking emotions, including love. But it’s not love they feel.
Love requires empathy and reciprocity. Sociopaths are - by their nature - incapable of either.
Check out the book The Sociopath Next Door.
It’s a page-turner, and the author is highly credentialed. She includes case studies and examples that are so chilling. And stats that blew my mind.
Example: 4 in 100 people in the US have Antisocial Personality Disorder (ie sociopaths).
Immediately, I think you should consider two things: Nightmare on Elm Street, and the trope of the impaired female.
Even the great Wes Craven, in early drafts, fell prey to this bias of the (typically male) writer. His female victim was perceived by his daughter as poorly written. Therefore, Craven decided to break the trope and made his female characters more competent.
In the end, Elm Street has proven to be a classic film, rich with meaning. It's more than just "oh, scary guy killing people." It's about realizing that groups of people can agree to do terrible things, like gathering together to burn Freddie. It's a complicated revenge fantasy told from the victims' perspective.
So... that's where I'll start. Why does Maggie need to be "battling depression" in your logline? What if she's not impaired and actually up against a terrifying threat?
That said, a flawed character is viable. And yes, we all face depression. But if your story stands the test of time, it would benefit from wrestling with the real source of our societal depression. Here's a link to a book from 2016. It openly points to the source: a real lack of community.
Good luck with writing. Thanks for trusting us to reflect on your work.
- Daniel
I hate Trump a fair bit, and that goes back to well before he was elected. He's a garbage human.
That said, there is really good body of evidence that he is just not well physically, and most likely has dementia or Alzheimer's. The anonymous op-ed in the Times is only the latest confirmation of it, not the first time it's been pointed out.
I mean, there have literally been books written about it. As much as it pains me to say it, Donald Trump is not completely to blame for every horrible thing he does because some of it is caused by a medical condition that affects him mentally.
What's important about that is that he shouldn't be serving as President because he's not able to do it, and everyone paying attention, especially everyone who interacts with him, knows it.
The other thing is that people shouldn't mock someone for medical problems or mental illness, even if that person is Donald Trump. I have great confidence that Trump would be just as shitty even if he didn't have dementia, but since he does I just want him to stop endangering the country, get help, and be taken care of. Get him out of office, let him watch as much Fox & Friends as he wants and rant on Twitter all day. It's what makes him happy, apparently.
I know what it's like to see people disappear slowly over time due to dementia, and it's horrible beyond imagining. I would not wish it on anyone. Not even Donald Trump.
He does a lot of horrible things, but he's also old and sick. If he was just some guy in a nursing home it would be just another Wednesday. The difference is he 's in the highest office in the land, so that needs to be removed from the equation.
Here is another book:
https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X
I'm hearing good things about "parts work" for anyone with dissociation. I think that is also related to internal family systems, but I'm not entirely clear on that.
Also, for anyone lurking who wants to learn more about CPTSD/trauma (because I was definitely that person), I recommend reading The Body Keeps the Score. It changed my life.
I took mushrooms with my ex girlfriend and experienced a very intense disassociation episode that she had. It was heart breaking to see her there but not “there”. She was numb to everything including myself. She told me that she had suffered from disassociation before but until that moment I had no clue what it actually was. I took it upon myself to try to help as much as I could. First thing I can recommend is educating yourself as much as possible on the disorder. I bought this workout that has been an EXCELLENT resource.
Coping with Trauma-Related... https://www.amazon.com/dp/039370646X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Secondly, I can’t recommend finding a therapist who specializes in ptsd/disassociation enough. Finding out the core cause of the disorder and all your triggers is huge but having a professional be able to guide you through the healing process will be invaluable. It’s a terrible disorder but it is one that can be managed and overcome through lots of hard work and a willingness to seek help. My best wishes for you in your journey of healing.
it's expensive but my specialist bought me this textbook and it's been helpful. if you want i can send you a picture of the chapter list and you can see if it interests you
I’d do a quick google search and try to find a therapist that specializes in PTSD and disassociation. Also, it just so happens in reading a book on it that I can’t recommend enough.
Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) https://www.amazon.com/dp/039370646X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZRE3JF975QHD87KJ5TNV?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I hope it helps!
I am only quitting due to medical tbh. I need to work because I'm broke but physically csnt. Neuro referred me to another specialist and now I will edit m I hope they understood I quit this time.
I have the Amazon link to what I showed her. I csnt see psych until I stabilize medical so better than nothing!
Amazon.com: The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole (9781623158248): Arielle Schwartz PhD, Jim Knipe PhD: Books https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543911120&sr=8-1-spons&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+complex+ptsd+workbook&psc=1
I was faded but I know I need help. So. Eh. This is why I like this place! I relate to the puke and shit and shit!!!@ and also I'm lonely and this is all true and I see no shame because we all have issues I appreictar you all.
With the caveat that it is absolutely best to work through these issues with a professional, I realize that's not always a feasible or comfortable option. This workbook is one of the tools I'm using with my therapist that might be helpful.
Or it's because they are a horrible person who gains enjoyment from hurting others. Sociopaths are a thing and they aren't capable of feeling love.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-sociopath
https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
Martha Spout believes that the rate of sociopathy can be as high as 1 in 4 of the current population. It's not a romantic concept like someone doesn't feel lovable so they lash out - there is no cure except to remove them from your life completely.
Humans can be deeply flawed individuals and your mother certainly was one. That was very abusive and selfish of her to make you witness her betrayal and didn’t even have to decency to kick him out when you woke. If your little kid waking up as you’re actively having sex with a stranger doesn’t wake you from the destructive fog you’re in - I doubt anything would.
I am finally dealing with sex abuse that happened in early childhood as a 40 year old - so I know from personal experience how suppressing something nasty can rear its head much later and be quite painful. My advice is to talk it out. It was 15 years into marriage when I finally told my husband and a few friends. I had all this pressure built up inside of me that dissipated when I talked about it. Problem is that it wells up again and needs another release. I’m thinking about therapy and you probably should as well. I’ve started reading “the body keeps the score”. I’d recommend that book, as well as “the erotic mind” to someone having to look back to childhood trauma.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. You’re not alone in it. Sex abuse is something we tend to bury deep inside and hide. It’s a secret many people carry. Share with Reddit, with a trusted friend, and read. It’s not something you’ll look back on kindly ever, but getting it all out and having care and sympathy can help the memories sit better within you. I see your mom and her abhorrent behavior as an insanely selfish display of self destruction. She should have apologized, confessed to her partner, and the both of you should have done some individual therapy. I’m sorry she took the coward’s way out and tried to sweep it under the rug.
I am all for helping people who can or want to change. That is a God given mission and a great mitzvah to do.
But I am also very aware that sociopathic people will prey on empathetic people and if you read Martha Stout's Book, The Sociopath Next Door, you will get very deeply that predatory people will do all get out to get someone to feel sorry for them - because then "they get to keys to candy store, and they go in and take everything they can get." She worked with imprisioned psychpaths/sociopaths and these are their very own words. Believe them - and once you can recognize their behavior patterns you won't forget them. Your intuition will also always tell you. These are the people beyond help -
So be careful and be aware.
https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? It is pretty much the go-to book for understanding the relationships between trauma and physical body reactions. (Sorry for the Amazon link if you are not an Amazon fan.)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma-ebook/dp/B00G3L1C2K
To be 100% honest, I have not finished it yet because it makes me cry and stop reading every 2-3 pages. But it is on the money.
I always recommend this book (or audiobook, I did the audiobook), Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden. I saw it recommended on hear last year, and it was the most validating thing I've ever heard. You might relate!
At the end of the day, I take a really detailed note about what I finished and where I need to pick up the next day. I use the Windows Sticky Notes or One Note for this, but then I also jot down a less detailed version on a Post-It and slap it right in the middle of my screen. For example, I have a detailed step-by-step guide in One Note from a coworker on how to set up a certain module in our software, and my post it from last night says "UPDATE THE SHIT OUT OF THE ******* CODES BEFORE 1PM MEETING" and that's what I focused on first thing today!
For motivation, having a clear task list is super important. I just wrote a post about my manager running through my list and helping me clear it out, and it makes a WORLD of difference. So if you look at a task and immediately avert your eyes, that's the one to break down into steps and figure out where you are.
Convince yourself you only need to do that terrible task for three minutes. Just three. I set a three minute timer and see how much I can find on the subject in that time. Usually when the three minutes are up, I'm now on a roll and do another five minutes. And then I realize I need to write an email, take a ten minute break to build myself up, and then give myself ten minutes to write a single email lol
Scheduling blocks of time to work on things can help, lots of reminders popping up on your screen, and using apps that don't let you on social media during certain times, they all help! Also getting a formal diagnosis will give you a good chance to tell your boss you're struggling, why, and what you need from them, and THAT is super helpful too! Good luck with it, you got this!
This is an interesting look at how others see us.
If I may add, the real reason is tribalism. And the Human desire to not be alone. So we latch onto whatever tribe we can to help our identity. If you want to read more, I highly suggest Tribe by Sebastian Jengur
Oh god, good luck on your total crazy mode scrolling.. i get the same exact way!
But also, this is by far my favorite book for women with ADHD. If you haven't read it then you really should! It helped me really identify how much of my life has been affected by my ADHD. Can't recommend enough! It's called Women with ADHD by Sari Solden.
TY. Forensic populations. Tough work. I admire you.
Bessel's the Bomb. Pete Walker's book is useful, as well. Lately I've been recommending Arielle Schwartz's workbook. It's a very good "launchpad."
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