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Sort of! It works sometimes.
The idea of these "scripts" isn't that they have such a high success rate, it's that when you run a "script" over and over on different women, the rejection doesn't feel as personal as when you painstakingly came up with something unique for each woman.
When people reject this profile, it's not personal. He didn't write it. When he tries a script in each conversation and gets unmatched, it's not personal. It's not his script. They're not rejecting him, he just needs to find better material. In a rejection-rich environment like Tinder (and dating in general), this can be really liberating.
For profiles in particular, you can think of them kind of like the spam e-mail from the African prince. It's misspelled and obviously fake, and that's on purpose. The only people who respond are gullible, confused, etc.--the perfect target.
This profile is targeted at people who want some nice abs to play with and are kind of into assholes, and there really are plenty of women who fit in that category, at least sometimes. Again: the perfect target.
Edit: If you haven't read The Game by Neil Strauss, I highly recommend it. It's very entertaining and, I think, really captures the spirit of the movement.
The author is also a regular here in this subreddit.
First welcome.
Not really. There are tens of thousands of Masonic Lodges across the world.
If you're interested, you can check out Freemasonry for Dummies written by a Mason in Indiana. It is basically the go-to book for Freemasonry, especially in the US.
I went to see a therapist for a 1 hour session today. It didn't help, so I'm seeking a long term therapist. I also picked up the book I Don't Want To Talk About It from the library and am going to read this one next.
If you are where I think you are in the process, then at the lodges next business meeting, they will return their investigation (interview) report and vote as to whether or not you shall be elected to receive the three degrees. It must be unanimous. If you are accepted, then they will issue you a notice and a date for your initiation.
A lot is going to be said and done at your initiation ritual. Relax and don’t sweat it if you don’t understand or catch it all. All will be revealed later. Enjoy the experience as much as you can. There is no hazing or horseplay in our fraternity, you will be safe.
EDIT: I suggest not reading or researching anymore past this point. You may end up ruining the experience. If you must learn more, read this
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
It talks about the 4 archetypes of masculinity, the importance of rituals from boyhood to manhood, and the immature versions of each masculine archetype during the two stages ( boyhood and manhood ).
The main take away is that "in the present crisis in masculinity we do not need, as some feminists are saying, less masculine power. We need more masculine power. But we need more of the mature masculine." The end result is that build up these archetypes in ourselves.
- The Warrior - control of the mind and body.
- The Magician - intuition and knowledge.
- The Lover - love, duty, and having a passion for living.
- The King - Role 1) providing order, Role 2) providing fertility and blessing. ( Helped me better understand why the roles and duties of leader are what they are )
It helped support my individuality and how to overcome some of my insecurities. Some being understanding that as much as I like boxing I'm considerate enough to not punch as hard as I could ( Warrior and Magician ) to silly things like being okay to order fruity drinks ( Lover ).
There's tons more in the book for its size. It's my number 1 recommendation every time.
Constitutional. Chad's just going to catch a dozen STDs and die in a bar fight before he's 30, like the Bourbons did.
I'd be happiest with a system that was close to the US, but with a king instead of a president and a bit more decentralization of power. But I think that even a crowned republic is better than an uncrowned one; Jung believed implicitly, Lewis explicitly, that a country is happiest with a king.
I don't have anything I have read, but I heard about this: https://www.amazon.ca/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=superior+mens+guide&qid=1610308118&sr=8-1. For my own 2 cents, I'd say outside of staying away from porn, follow what feels natural. Get out, experience things, read books and if you want to then do so. I would also say, maybe go a week or so without doing anything to reset a few things.
One pop psychology bookhad the helpful advide to men: listen to your spouse's problems, don't try to solve them. Following that advice takes an inordinate restraint, but it is effective for avoiding arguments.
I don't mean this as an insult. But you could start with 'Freemasons for dummies'. I'm not calling you dumb. That is the actual title: https://www.amazon.ca/Freemasons-Dummies-Christopher-Hodapp/dp/1118412087
It's a fantastic source of easy information.
One of the most recommended books on this sub for non-Masons and Masons alike is Freemasons for Dummies by Christopher Hodapp.
Don't be put off by the title: written by a Freemason, it's a detailed look at Freemasonry, from it's origins and history, to it's rituals, rites, symbols and their meanings. It's completely up to date, too!
There's a great book about "growing up with an immature mentality". It was written in the 70s and still so relevant: https://www.amazon.fr/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064. Let me know if you'd like a TL;DR :-)
Buy yourself this book it will explain freemasonry to anyone...https://www.amazon.com/dp/1118412087/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LnoKFbRZ5718Z
Also over here in the states we have youth groups like The order of demolay or Knights of Pythagoras that someoneunderagecan join...
Always do your research and make sure you understand the organization & the commitment that you will make ...
The Richo book looks amazing, nice share. Do you think there are some books that talk about masculine/feminine dynamics that also don't necessarily "perpetuate stereotypes" tho too?
One on that end I think is really good is "The Way of the Superior Man."https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/
Author sorts out in the very beginning that he uses 'masculine (man)' and 'feminine (woman)' as shorthand and as this is standard, but that there is plenty of beautiful variation from that. As in, in a relationship, a woman can be the more masculine and man more feminine, some are pretty balanced between the two poles, etc. Also, most of us have a little of both sides... but we generally have one as more of our "core." So anyway the book applies to any relationship. Geared a little bit more for the masculine-oriented reader, but helps feminine to understand the dynamics as well.
This book may be right up your alley. Check it out: The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
As for Porn-Masturbation-Orgasm (PMO), NoFap can definitely help you out with that. But I wouldn't wait around wondering whether you think porn is bad for you or not, all the while you dig yourself deeper and deeper into the drenches of porn. There's only one way this can spiral if you don't stop it - down. So catch yourself now and commit to replacing PMO, or at least porn, with healthier habits. Execise, writing, wood craving, sports.
None of this is happening in a vacuum, and actions have reactions. You're behind the curve. There's already a book about it. http://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594037620
the abundance theory is a fundamental learning for pick up artists, everything you said here is correct and i can attest to this. Also if you like to polish your dating game, read books that can help you with it like The Game by Neil Strauss or The Mystery Method by Mystery (Erik von Markovik). You will build self confidence along the way and will make your life more productive by not lurking to negative thoughts.
My source is that I made it the f*ck up!
And for real, it's my reflection on "Will to change: On men, masculinity and love" by bell hooks.
>why aren’t they reaching out to each other
'cause that's gay sis and the privileges given to you by being a man can be revoked at a moment's notice, leaving you in a state of total social isolation and ridicule targeted at the very terms by which one has identified themselves. boys exist in this weird state where we're all holding a gun to each other's head waiting for a boy to blink and admit to having feelings, at which point everybody pulls the trigger. the reality that i have observed (please take what i say as anecdote, i am too inebriated to be up in my science tonight sis) is that boys actually then begin sharing and become healthier for it, but the real fear of being a man is that you're going to be excommunicated from the mancave collective for showing unmanly behaviour.
i often think that i lucked out in being queer myself because it sort of forcibly ejects most of us from the man matrix, so you can see this performance bullshit for what it is. even then, you got gay boys desperately clinging to toxic masculinity, insisting "i'm gay but i'm not a f*ggot," "lisping queers hold us all back," whatever other dumbass dave ruben bullshit these bottoms do be on, but that's a loud minority and tbh they just seem kinda sad. like -- you want to slide in and be like, hey man, it's ok, you can cry, you can admit you're scared, you can experience the whole spectrum of the human condition; your dad's gonna disown you anyway so you might as well take some good with the bad, y'know?
this is what my babe bell hooks (love her) was on about in the will to change, a banger i 100% recommend to anybody and everybody.
It may not be an "official" specialty but some therapists (like my former one) take a special interest in men's issues. Mine also had a men's group session that was extremely good. I don't know if he's practicing anymore.
OP, I'd suggest reading the book I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real before looking for a therapist. It will familiarize you with the specific ways that men deal with mental-health issues. Spoiler alert: even if you don't think you have depression, you may be surprised. Men manifest depression differently than women, and things like anger issues may actually be symptoms. Reading this book will give you a vocabulary that you can use when interviewing a potential therapist.
> Would be good to start with reading the full sentence in context
I did. my comments stand. Even in the context of the suggestion, all one has to do is google "Bell Hooks Patriarchy book" and the first result will get an excellent introductory book about how patriarchy is perpetuated and what men can do to forestall that perpetuation. You dismissed the suggestion based on the original suggester's comments prior to the suggestion. You dismissed the suggestion not based on Hook's arguments, which you are ignorant of, but based on the commentor's own theories, which are unrelated to Hook's.
I just have a personal bugaboo about people offering opinions on works that they have never consumed. if you have read Hooks, and disagree with their views, then that's great. But, you have "not read neither Hooks nor Butler" and you say you will never do so. So, basically, your opinion on them is worthless.
No actually, I do have a problem with saying “any group” is better at x, y, and z. Unless it’s a specialized thing, like “doctors are better at surgery”.
Nobody should be judged in things they cannot control. Physical features, race, gender, etc. To say one of these categories effects your cognitive abilities is idiotic.
That being said, it’s also idiotic not to realize systemic and societal sexism exists.
Some reading, if you are up for it. You could also find PDFs online.
Invisible Women by Carolina Criado Perez
And
The Will To Change by Bell Hooks
Bell Hooks in particular is a tougher read but more thorough. She mentions how the patriarchal oppression heavily effects men as well and how they perceive their own roles/individualism in society.
It’s not a choice to be born male in a misogynistic society, just like it’s not a choice to be born female. But you do have a choice when it comes to how you act, how you educate yourself to womens issues, how much empathy you have, etc.
If everyone worked even a little bit to help bring equality to the world, within generations it could be done. I don’t expect men to go out playing white knight or cater to women in the least. But I expect the willingness to learn how one may be perpetuating misogyny, even subconsciously.
If you are open to it, I recommend Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez or The Will To Change by Bell Hooks.
Hooks is a heavy author but she’s wonderful. She also speaks deeply upon the issues that men face in a patriarchy and the unfair circumstances in which both genders are put in because of it.
https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
I read this book. I don't pick up women and am happily married. It did help with points that others have said here. Take care of yourself, work out, be interesting, and dress nice are ways to impact your appearance. Book was a good read, but don't take it too seriously!
Actually, feminists do address them. Acclaimed feminist Bell Hooks has an entire book on how misogyny and violence against women impacts men, their perception of themselves and their relationships.
The male victims of abuse you talk about are collateral victims of a system designed to oppress women. If you really cared about them you would be seeking to tear down said system instead of using their suffering and trauma as a gotcha in a Reddit comment section. If you are one of them and you genuinely believe that the indifference society has towards male victims of violence has nothing to do with the fact this same society specifically designed victimhood as a natural experience of womanhood then my advice is the same: the book I linked does a nice job explaining all of this, how it works and most importantly, how to stop it.
check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
I think you'd find it very beneficial and maybe life changing. I recommend this book to many young and middle aged men.
I’m exhausted. I don’t think men should feel guilty. They have been harmed extensively for eons by a model of masculinity that asks them to deny critical parts of human experience. It’s not our fault as men, but it is our work to learn and be creative and embrace our full humanity. It will be hard, the world is not nice to people who do things differently but I think it can be done. And I beg of you read bell hooks’ The Will to Change
I've no idea how the advice looks today, but I found some of the dating advice weirdos absolutely fascinating. A while back there was The Game - a portrayal of truly bizarre and enormously entertaining stories and personas and analysis.
> Also none of those "pickup tips" will ever work.
Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Often it's a strange combination of sexuality and psychology and self-help all-in-one that is fairly effective as practical advice - if you can get past the chauvinism and the fluff.
It can be hard to change because you have this limbic response that you’ve acquired. Wanting to change is a huge first step, I struggle with it myself. Good luck and do some research on “the rider and the elephant”
https://www.carnegiefoundation.org/blog/how-to-change-things-when-change-is-hard/
And also look into this book, very revealing on how males express hurt as anger:
I don’t want to talk about it, by Terrence Real
I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression https://www.amazon.com/dp/0684835398/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ECYJASEV9FYVHND8T2H5
It's not just social media. Academics and journalists are talking about this. Men can't be forced to marry at gun point now, marriage is so poisoned for them. Doesn't matter anyway, western women don't need men, it's all good. Here is some reliable subject matter.
Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1594037620/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_A4B7GDTYFSPRT23AC954
I highly highly highly recommend reading a book by bell hooks called “The Will to Change” which more or less explores this topic from a feminist perspective. It also critiques a lot of radical feminist ideology and the way traditional feminists have responded to men and their emotions. It’s a good read but it’s incredibly hard to get thought the beginning as she talks about her brother whom she remembers being taught by their abusive father to not show emotions, seeing him enter teenage years convinced he shouldn’t show them whatsoever.
I read this book before my son was born and it was exactly what I needed: The Will to Change - by bell hooks
Full disclosure, this book uses the word “patriarchy” every other sentence. If that’s not your vibe, then that’s cool.
Learned a lot about how we raise boys and why. I suggest to anyone.
While not quite a book, the /r/MensLib subreddit is very wholesome and I support it. It's *chef's kiss".
Also it occurred to me you may be interested in this book - The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks.
Men be getting fucked over, women be getting fucked over. Everyone gets fucked over by ideals imposed on them in some way, I don't think it's a competition. Warped hyper-masculinity has negative effects on men and women, calling everything you see toxic masculinity is just as counterproductive. I'm going off topic but perceptions and views of what masculinity is in the West and other countries have gotten really weird lately and lead to a lot of negative side effects for both genders, this is a good book that tries to make sense of the "ideal" masculine: https://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064
And it helped me a lot with getting the brainrot out of my head and putting masculine gender issues and ideas of masculinity and how they relate to the world into perspective. Important to explore new ideas of what the ideal masculine might mean and helps understand what masculinity is to everyone else in the world. Interesting tings
Something that helped me a lot was the Men Are From Mars book- some men withdraw when they are struggling or trying to solve a problem. He may not feel he has the emotional energy to communicate with you.
Sometimes you have to leave them alone for a little while. Try sending 1 text a day, saying you love him and are thinking of him, and are here when he’s ready. It may be too much pressure to have to provide for your emotional needs when he is feeling down and overwhelmed.
If you feel comfortable with the people he lives with, and the communication is open, you may ask them how he’s doing or if there’s anything they perceive that may indicate suicidal thoughts. Depression is a difficult illness.
Another thing- send him the suicide hotline information. He may not want to burden you with his thoughts, but there are people who can help. 1-800-273-8255 or text “Jason” to 741741 (Jason Foundation), or use the Lifeline Chat.
She's your lover, not your therapist. Read The Way of the Superior Man: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=way+of+the+superior+man&qid=1645424999&sprefix=way+of+the+sup%2Caps%2C66&sr=8-1
Some people won't like that there are high standards for finding our place in society for each gender. Thing is, when you do live up to them, you flourish. This book summarized things really well for me:
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_FHNHFANKTYPXAJXA5FM2
I think this might have blown up because the majority of us want there to be equality, love and goodwill between gender and sexes, despite what the talking heads and polls say.
I think a lot of women in this and the last generation have had a real disconnect with their fathers. There is a huge hole in there minds and hearts about what it means to be a "strong" man and get strong male support. Men need to develop more paternal and kingly values and behaviors and set better examples to combat true toxic masculinity and underdeveloped childish masculinity.
The issue is of course the "nice guy" stigma that can often get attached to it. Good men need to balance those forces better. Being a nice guy with an edge. Mastering the energy of the bad boy that attracts females without the actual maladaptive traits that too often come with an alpha type males.
There is a great book called "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of Mature Masculine." I think it should be required reading for men globally. It helps men to understand the dimensions of the masculine self and how one goes both right and wrong in manifesting those energies.
​
https://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064
Flipping or splitting is not growth. Some people "snap" between opposites but that's just your suppressed archetype trying to assert itself. I recommend this book, though it is a little bit dated. Your childhood archetypes are rebelling, which is natural. Now it's time to start forming adult archetypes.
Glad some of these resonated with you! I highly recommend her writings but I will warn you she is a feminist and will often use phrases such as "patriarchy" through her work. Hopefully that isn't too much of an issue because her words are very moving for me.
The book all these quotes are from is The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
Thank you for the response! :D
bell hooks wrote this(among other amazing works) incredible book that I have seen referenced in here often, "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" link here: https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+will+to+change+bell+hooks&qid=1639589658&sr=8-1 I'm really hit hard by this. I read so much bell hooks in undergrad. This is quite the loss.
I never heard it put quite that way, but I see at least a kernel of truth in it. Women are as different from men on the inside as they are on the outside. Read this once best seller for elaboration...
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Venus-Understanding/dp/0060574216
Remember the book I suggested for you? There is the link again...
That some/a lot/any women follow this content is a weak defense of the content. I'd argue many of the others referenced are different points on the same slope for their perpetuation of views.
Try to go deeper in understanding this stuff if you want to get out of your cycles. Don't let what's popular by any third party -- including any of us -- dictate your own assessments. But actually make your own assessments. Don't play ostrich and be passive. You can't.
It is 100% okay to enjoy lower brow, high brow, black, blue -- pretty much any -- humor.
Where lines gets drawn, however, is if something passes your own personal inbounds/out-of-bounds limits. Where are your thresholds? Did you set them yourself? Or were they assigned to you and you went along with it? How aware of them are you?
You gotta not be passive in your life if you want to grow.
That's what UnPleasantStuff is asking is:
> "Steven...are you saying this [A New Untold Story] quote is inbounds for you? And if inbounds, why do you think it is healthy for you or not?"
That's the question on the table: What's your take on A New Untold Story's editorial policies? And how do you think those policies support or hinder you?
Check out "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terrance Real. Men's depression gets passed from generation to generation and we don't have the social structures to support each other. Its not the end though, you can get through it, but it takes work.
Kevin Samuels began on YouTube as an image consultant addressing issues he saw within his community and the world at large. His audience was primarily MALE and arguably black before the channel/show became something akin to Frankenstein's monster.
After the whole "If Saweetie is a 6, what does that make me?!?" scandal, Kevin's CALL-IN audience became overwhelmingly FEMALE and black (also captive, due to quarantine), leading Kevin to feed the machine feeding him.. This would ultimately center the conversation on Marriage since 99.9% of his callers were now unwed mothers and/or perpetually single.
Few can/will argue that the INSTITUTION of marriage (or at least being marriage minded) isn't best for the IMAGE of the BLACK community and its women.
~
Your other Manosphere channels have a different angle/origin.. and ALOT of what is now trend originates from early aught internet forums (largely WHITE and male, btw) and this book right here...which aint exactly PRO marriage...that is until the last few chapters. And the lesser read sequel.
Jumping onto the book recommendations bandwagon...
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette
My psychologist had me read this at the beginning of our time together. The primary takeaway is an understanding that there are are mature, overactive-immature, and shadow-immature ways of expressing each of the four parts of your personality.
In my experience, when people make statements like your mom's made, about hating all men, they hate when men act in immature ways, but they're also failing to realize that there are mature ways for men to express ALL parts of their personality.
This book offers mentorship/self-help for men without misogyny.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_KQ39DZ37QRHT560Y5BV3
There's a book :
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594037620
Theres alot of references on why men are opting out of traditional roles.
As the per 80/20 rule, I understand it's a theory and not exact science. But I don't see why it's incel shit when we see Parretos principle exaggerated on social media and dating sites. We can agree to a disagree here. Everything else still stands.
Dr. John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a great book that really improved my marriage early on.
What I learned from it was that when my wife needed to unload whatever was going on, she wasn't unloading at me, she was unloading to me, and just needed to be heard, and that men have a natural inclination to solve rather than listen, which is kind of the opposite of what women need when they're unloading.
It helped both of us learn to communicate better with each other.
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Venus-Understanding/dp/0060574216
Hey congratulations! Gotta start somewhere. As an aspie whose special interest was once seduction/persuasion, a lot of seduction is non verbals, which we are inherently terribly at. If you want to go more down the rabbit hole I would recommend https://pdfroom.com/books/how-to-become-an-alpha-male-by-john-alexander/0q2JQRN8gxE
As well as https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
Maybe start with "The Game" as it is more interesting , the first is more of a handbook for body language.
I started it last night.
https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
She addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves—and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.
There’s also a book about all sorts of “steps” you can take to build confidence… it’s old, it’s aimed squarely at men, but the tactics for being less shy work regardless of gender: https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/
The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
Way Way Way too big of a question but being honorable remaining steadfast with your word and sense of personal integrity being trustworthy intimate capable of emotional enmeshment...Be weak be sweet be gentle be feminine be kind just NEVER be nice-
Bang the fuck out of her every which way and constantly mix shit up a move here an experiment there you may not be her best fuck but you can be her most memorable fun fuck
Do NOT try to fully satisfy her or jump to her desires...There is something to bringing her a huge pie when she wanted a Pizza...Be egalitarian but own 51%
Good day and just by asking yourself shit like this makes you a good bf.. Grooming and all ways being shower fresh is way more significant than being a pretty boy...
Good luck
I remember this as being good and on point (as is the 4 agreements book)
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320
Work on being a great man and you'll invariably be the great catch & BF..
Sounds like your husband is depressed. In some men, depression manifests as anger and hostility that sometimes appears out of nowhere. He needs help. You both probably do. I can't imagine lockdown with two little ones.
For more perspective on the differences of how depression manifests in men check out the book "I Don't Want to Talk About It"
You are correct that none of you deserve to be treated like that but he may not be able to understand where it's coming from or why he feels that way. I know I didn't at first and not knowing made me feel worse. Stumbling onto that book put it in perspective. I had been stuck in a spiral of anger for years with fury on tap for no real reason. There is a way out of it and it can be overcome. Good luck to you both.
Guys I suggest you follow and watch Corey Wayne and bring some sanity to your life vis-à-vis women and life goals.
The Way of the Superior Man is also a good start.
Have you read "Men on Strike? I haven't, but I've watched some interviews with the author and she identifies quite a few possible reasons for the decline in marriage, specifically reasons men are deciding it's a bad deal. I think most of her points are probably in your list now.
It's okay to make mistakes, that is how you learn. The most successful people have failed the most. At this point, I wouldn't apologize to her, but just don't mention it again because it makes you look insecure.
Honestly, investing in some books and just learning has helped me a ton in interacting with women.
A book that gave me a great perspective was The Way of the Superior Man, so I would recommend that.
Lol thanks for posting this before me.
For anyone who's interested,
Even though there have been a few videos on why Luffy is a good leader, him being worthy of the mantle of king has never been explored to the same extent.
In this analysis video, using the book <em>King, Warrior, Magician, Lover</em> by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette I identify the qualities that Luffy possesses and how Oda has written Luffy to be the peak of masculinity within the One Piece world.
Do give it a watch if you're interested!
I would suggest Freemasonry for Dummies It may sound like a sarcastic reply but its not. Chris Hodapp is extremely well regarded in Freemasonry. You will get a lot of basic information that covers a lot. Its easier to dig deeper if you understand the basics.
A book that was hugely helpful to my relationship with my wife is Dr. John Gray's Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. https://smile.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Venus-Understanding/dp/0060574216/
It gave both of us quite a bit of insight into what the other needed. As much as we like to believe that we're all unique individuals, it turns out that there are some things that are somewhat consistent behaviors among the genders, and that understanding those can help us build stronger relationships. Like learning another language.
Then you have to practice being a communicator in the way your partner needs. It doesn't come naturally to us to try to communicate the way our partners need us to. It requires a committed mindset. But it does get easier over time.
There are actually a few, but it's not necessary to follow a road map. If you want some structure you might want to try Rules of the Game as it has structured homework assignments and related lessons. But you don't need it.
Learning is not a straight road. It's a twisty one and everyone walks their own twisty path.
Read this https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
This is not a how to pick up girls manual. It's a story of an awkward guy who had no luck with females turning his life around (confidence, outlook on life, career, etc.) through the process of understanding how to talk to women.
THE WAY OF THE SUPERIOR MAN
No incel has ever been the superior man, and no superior man has ever been an incel.Help him foster a relationship with a mentor sort of figure. A person that is positively engaged with the things your brother struggles to engage. Maybe even a friend of yours. The attention of older people tends to make us feel special and closer to the circles that they navigate.
Get him TF out of his room/computer. When I say TF I mean THE FUCK and I mean it. He needs to develop a sense of belonging to any group other than the internet.
Don't give up on him and never act like he's a lost cause even when it seems it is. When we get depressed, we alienate EVERYONE to be able to justify being sad and lonely. Real support is not falling for that ruse.
I totally get that. Anything worth doing is going to be difficult!
I can't recommend this book enough, but read I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real. Like prioritize reading this first. Trust me, it'll change your perspective on depression entirely. I would love to hear what you think after you read it.
> Nonsense.
Not really, homeboy.
I agree with the counseling suggestion, but in the meantime, you might look at this book: https://www.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Venus-Understanding/dp/0060574216/ref=nodl_. The title is hokey but the information is very enlightening. I bought it years ago (I’m a woman) and it helped immeasurably in terms of understanding men better and I have heard that men find it equally useful.
Of course, this only works if you want to fix your relationship rather than just fixing her. Good luck.
For anyone scrolling, a terrific read which articulates the ins-and-outs of this idea, and how certain groups are incentivized to behave (or not behave) a particular way:
https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
There’s a really good book called (“I don’t want to talk about it.”)[https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398/ref=nodl_ ] That’s goes into detail about depression in men, and it’s mocked as cowards disease. I read it at a hospital after self admitting myself after a half assed suicide attempt. I found it extremely helpful to read it and hopefully it could do the same for someone else.
That is a big mistake.
Girls will almost never say this.
You must do the pursuing.
Read: The Way of the Superior Man - https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/
Dude read 'The Way of the Superior Man' (not as cheesy as it sounds).
Making the first move is moreso engrained deep within, than simply something "our parents taught us." It's cross-cultural and even cross-species.
Don't just wish you "were taught how." You can teach yourself. If not with this book, than with whatever other medium you would like.
Btw, part of hitting on girls *is* creeping them out, or otherwise failing, at least some of the time. But failure is just something to learn from.
(PS I used to have the exact same mindset as you, word for word. But have improved myself, wasn't always easy, but was sometimes actually fun too.)
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
This among other mysteries are discussed.
Try amazon smile to donate to charity automatically at no cost to you!
https://smile.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690
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I wouldn't worry about specialization too much and just try some therapists in your area until you like one.
Beyond that, you MUST read this book (or get it from the library):
https://smile.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398
It talks about the passing of depression/anxiety generation over generation due to both physical and mental abuse. My childhood had some issues but wasn't as bad as some people in many ways, but man, you HAVE to read this book.
It goes into how the next generation is impacted differently than the one before, but still has issues.
I found this as a recommendation from Peter Attia (who has an incredible podcast).
Please, read this book, if you get nothing else from this thread.
An example of how feminists actually view men's problems and a feminist solution: <em>The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love</em> by bell hooks
I personally would argue a different logic. But that isn’t to say your direction is wrong. In the end I believe we’d have the same understanding, but using different syntax. It also seems you’re really centered around duality where there’s a perfection and it’s anthesis. Where the archetypes are more of a spectrum. But again, to me, both are trying to explain the same phenomena. It all just depends on how you shape the argument.
Have you read “King Warrior Magician Loved”? Which directly dives into the spectrum of each archetype? That might help to see where your idea of forms fit in. (Amazon link at end)
Fun fact: did you know Plato’s forms might have been an inhibiting reason why it took so long for science to discover evolution?
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZeIIDbF5DA2J8
Yep, I am the only one.
Oh no, wait, there someone else. She even wrote a book about it that shows the extend of the issue, using stats and surveys.
I find it pathetic that you people are incapable of engaging my arguments, all you can do is to point as me being the wrong one "you seem to be the only one here who thinks so".
Men on Strike is one of the best books I have ever read, and it explains a lot.
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594037620
I'm reading a book right now called "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine." link: https://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064
One of the more interesting parts has been the discussion of the warrior archetype, or the "inner warrior" which is posed as one of the major archetypes of the male psyche.
In my own thinking, I've decided that the "inner warrior" is really more of a gender neutral thing, and the actions of this girlfriend here totally line up with that. I love what she did here.
try this book
my guess is you dont know how to play the game.
For a true beginner. Get this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690
It works on your confidence and self image. Its supposed to take 30 days but if your anxiety is bad, you may need to repeat earlier days until you're comfortable.
Get this book, follow the advice: The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
she's just new, so there is more to explore, but you should also understand that open relationships require that you come to terms with the fact that relationships can change and end, so if you are going to keep going with an open relationship, then you shouldn't rely on your husband for your own personal happiness or satisfaction. If your husband enjoys sex with the other girl more than he is enjoying sex with you, then you should feel good that he got to have sex with her, you should be glad that he got to experience that joy and happiness and you should encourage him to have more sex with her. If that doesn't work for you, then have a conversation with him about how he feels about have a closed relationship instead, but he might not be very happy about that idea.
Here are some more thoughts on the whole thing: The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
Excellent post, brother! A book that helped me immensely is 'The Way of the Superior Man' https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1513730982&sr=8-1 I'm going to go to the gym and workout now
Take the initiative and be the leader and schedule a couple counselling sessions before it gets worse. The words you say to each other can never be taken back, and your marriage will die a slow death by a thousand tiny cuts. For yourself, read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. It will change your life. Link below.
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Challenges-Anniversary/dp/1622038320
Carl Jung.. between him and Siggy Freud they built the foundation of modern psychology; Jung was Freud's student, and is more steeped in symbolism, archetypes, and exploring the collective unconscious through dreams, myth, and projections of masculine/feminine energies which both sexes carry with them, undeveloped, controlled by our 'shadow' selves, or repressed darker sides that control our behaviours through unconscious needs, and desires which are created in our infancy and formative years. Here's a good place to start, in my opinion. https://www.amazon.ca/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503876553&sr=8-1&keywords=warrior+magician+king+lover
You don't need to suppress it. You can enjoy watching a beautiful woman, you can appreciate the beauty, the feminine energy, this is what we do. Then we go back to our partner and make her happy the best we can.
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
>This is a problem, how you can be confident interacting with women on a sexual level when you can't confidently interact on a basic level?
The school I went to had many different nationalities, and my views were pretty different from the people there. Like I did talk to a couple of girls on a weekly basis but not much more than that.
Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738
This the one?
To be yourself is a quest which takes different people differently long to succeed. Many people grow up stealing from this persona, that cliche, and take instructions from that authority. To finally be left with what makes intrinsically you is not easily done.
I would suggest reading this The way of the superior male. Sounds blase and sexist at times, but it holds valid ideas for both genders.
Also try analysing what it is you want to do, what you should do and what others want you to do. Even if it may feel odd at first, focusing on what it is you actually want to do, you get to know the real you better and better.
You might benefit from a read of this book, Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
I'm simplifying this, but I find that if you put in work on yourself it acts as a vacuum and attracts people into your life. There needs to be a reason for people to become curious, to gravitate towards you because they are interested in the life you live. If you were to go around trying to maintain contacts with people strictly to find out what is going on with them in hopes that they start communicating with you and inviting you to more social events, most likely those people are going to wonder what you have been doing with yourself. If the answer is "much of the same" it doesn't give them incentive to keep in contact. No amount of social calibration can fix an uninteresting life.
In the past, if I had times when this was happening, it was a clear sign to me that I should not be concerned with what other people are doing with their lives, and that I should be paying attention to things that I haven't been doing for myself.
First, give yourself some grace. First way to get out of the prison is to be aware of the prison you are in. Thank yourself that you have come this far to be aware. Relax and realize you are on the right path. Even if you have failed, each failure is the product of you progressing towards a goal.
.
Second, have an absolute abundance mentality. Know that your girl is out there and only time is waiting for that moment. Tons of girls are out there. Let women chase you. Let yourself find the good friend group because:
> "Waste No More Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be. Be One." -Marcus Aureluis
Third: Get the book: The Way of the Superior Man You will thank me later.
Its tough, because different people get different things out of it.
For a good introduction I recommend (in all seriousness) Christopher Hodapp's "Freemasons for Dummies": https://www.amazon.com/Freemasons-Dummies-Christopher-Hodapp/dp/1118412087
>saying that I should man up and start acting like a man
I've always had the problem with someone saying "man up". It wasn't until I read Men on Strike by Helen Smith - Amazon that I finally learned that it means "do as I say and don't give me trouble". It's simply a shaming tactic, which all women, and many men, use on men.
The best response to anyone that says it is to tell them they have an opinion of what a man is but it's their opinion. You don't share their opinion so they should go away and leave you be.
This. Going into zen teacher mode when your SO is stressed is just going to come off as annoying. A lot of the time people don't actually want someone to try and fix their problems, but someone who will listen.
Recommended reading: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576
Has some weird parts, but definitely explains the correct way to deal with your partner :)
If we as a society want more people to breed; then we should enact more favorable laws towards men around marriage and reproduction. The book Men On Strike does a pretty good job of explaining this.
Achas? Porquê? Eu achei bastante bom. Não no estilo de aprender a seduzir pessoas ou coisa do gênero, mas pela conclusão da experiência, de que nada daquilo tinha valido a pena, até que ponto é que se tinham deixado de levar, o quão perdida toda a gente estava, etc.
Acho que é um livro muito interessante para se ler de forma geral e para aprender alguma coisa sobre a vida. Não é um livro sobre sedução ou relações, para isso recomendo The Way of the Superior Man ou a Art of Seduction do Robert Greene, nunca li mas já me disseram que é decentemente bom.
O Way of the Superior Man não dá nenhuma dica passo-a-passo, mas diz qual é o mindset que deve predominar nas relações ou no inicio das mesmas. Tanto em termos de começar e manter relações como de sensualidade é um dos melhores livros que já li.
>the two lines are the solstices and the circle the sun.
That's one interpretation. You can find others in this dumb book.
https://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594037620. You want true scholarly sources check this out. A PHd and former feminist admitting women have it better now, and citing tons of actual data(not liberal funded propaganda machine influenced studies such as the wage gap which has been disproven over and over). Knock yourself out.