They brought it back, but I feel your pain.
Edit: all I know is that I went on after I got the news late as usual, and they had seemingly masked all the vids, pics, dicks 'n' chicks with NSFW overlays.
Also, y'all should read this. I haven't, but it's a step in the right direction judging by some of your pm's.
My advice? Don't go the complete opposite direction and just start sexing everything in sight. People who have been living super structured lives sometimes find themselves disillusioned and even more dissatisfied with their lives after they "cut loose" due to guilt/inability to handle emotions they haven't had to deal with before. I say you should educate yourself on sex and relationships. There are plenty of good sex books on Amazon. But one of my favorites isn't even really a sex book, per se. It is called "The New Male Sexuality". As to relationships, dating is the best way to learn how to interact. You don't have to have sex or a relationship with every person you take out on a date. If there is no spark for you after 3 dates, move on (even fewer dates if you are absolutely repulsed, haha) I would wait until I find someone who cares about me to lose my virginity. Going from choirboy to the guy who picks up women at bars and has casual sex is probably not going to be the best thing for your psyche. Good Luck, man. You are going to make a few mistakes. Just try not to let them define you.
Seconded. While absolutely not the ultimate compendium of exercises it does label muscle groups with a good anatomical drawing and what exercises works what, does give suggestions on alternative grips, cautionary warnings. It is a very good book.
source: I own a copy
I went to see a therapist for a 1 hour session today. It didn't help, so I'm seeking a long term therapist. I also picked up the book I Don't Want To Talk About It from the library and am going to read this one next.
Order this and read it at least 3 times. This book will change your life. I have personally seen the benefits in my life.
He also wrote a book for how to pleasure men if anyone (like the OP u/hermionebleth) is wondering "Passionista: Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (Kerner)"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060834390/ref=cm_sw_r_sm_apa_i_daHMFb8VN37TF
Someone gave my wife What to Expect the First Year when we had our first child. I found so much comfort in that book. It answered a lot of my "is this normal" questions.
Edit: Hmm.. After reading some of the reviews on Amazon, I'm wondering if this book is relevant anymore. I see a lot of people saying there's better information online. It kinda makes sense since the book was given to me almost 13 years ago. I guess the world has moved on.
A few things:
- I have a cushion from carmichealthrone.com that's specially designed to keep all weight off your pelvis. They're expensive but absolutely worth it.
- See if you can find a pain doctor who's familiar with pelvic stuff. Mine has me on gralise, celecoxib, and duloxetine. They don't eliminate the pain but they definitely reduce it.
- The biggest thing you need to start changing is the mental side of it. So much of this issue is a muscle-brain feedback problem, where our pelvis hurts, so our brain makes those muscles clench, which makes it hurt even more, which makes it clench even more, and so on. For me, practicing mindfulness and focusing on every little muscle in my pelvic floor is key. It takes a lot of practice, though, so don't get frustrated if it takes a while to work.
- Speaking of, you should go to physical therapy. There are a number of different ways of attacking this issue, but the main one I've had is myofascial release. People are hesitant because it involves the PT inserting a finger up there to massage the muscles from the inside, but honestly, after the initial session anxiety, you get to where it really doesn't bother you. To put it bluntly: we regularly push out pieces of poop from there and aren't bothered by it at all, so why should we be scared of a single finger? It's not like it hurts, it's just sort of weird feeling.
- A Headache In The Pelvis is a classic. It has tons of resources and many of us swear by it. Not to mention, there are plenty of other resources that show up on that Amazon page, so there's probably something good for you in there.
- If you're a male, see a urologist about prostatitis. It's what triggers my pelvic pain, so attacking that issue could be the key to fixing all this.
Hope this helps. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld
https://www.amazon.com/New-Male-Sexuality-Revised/dp/0553380427
He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man is the companion book to She Comes First, both by Ian Kerner
Here a link to the book on Amazon.
Thanks for sharing!
They work great if you want to imagine what it is like to have sex if your penis were made of wood rather than skin and nerves. I imagines this is what sex would feel like if you wore 8 condoms. It was fun as an experiment and as a novelty, but I can't imagine having to do this every time I had sex. I also learned really quick that you have to be really careful with this stuff. If it rubs off on the woman's clitoral hood she loses all sensation too making it hard for her to feel anything either. Sex just becomes an exercise of two sets of genitals rubbing so hard and fast that they might start a fire in bed. And not the good kind. I advise any man thinking he might need a delay spray to stop premature ejaculation to instead get a book that costs a few dollars used on Amazon: The New Male Sexuality. You learn those techniques and you have a lifelong skill. But some of the techniques/exercises require a patient partner.
When you are on an SSRI, you are ON an SSRI. These aren't pills to play around with. I know firsthand they can kill your libido. And if you don't come off them the right way, you will find yourself wanting to put a noose around your neck and stand on a really shaky chair. The right one can do what you want. The wrong one can do possibly permanent changes in your body that you may not appreciate. There are guys walking around who haven't had an orgasm from PIV in years because of taking an SSRI that wasn't compatible to them. I might would risk all that to avoid or treat depression. I'm not so sure that I would so I could last for an hour in bed. But then, I'm not you and haven't had to deal with what you are going through right now. Have you tried the "Stop/Go" method? Go to Amazon and take a look inside of this book called The New Male Sexuality. Page 275 starts a chapter on ejaculatory control. Page 375 lists different prescription drugs and the sexual effects they can have on men. It's like $2 used. Really helped me be a better lover. I would try these techniques with your wife as a willing partner/tutor/student before I used SSRI's. But that's just me.
The key to ejaculation control is knowing your point of ejaculatory inevitability and how to back off. That, combined with learning kegels and how to close that sphincter can make you into guy who only cums when HE wants to (within reason). The book that helped me with ejaculatory control most was "The New Male Sexuality". The "Look Inside" on this book used to have just about the entire book posted on Amazon. But if that is no longer true, it still costs about two dollars used. Desensitizing your penis is not the best way to handle this. How much fun can it be to have sex with a penis that has only slightly more sensation than a mop handle? Don't let this stop you from buying the toy. It can still be a good tool to practice your new skills on.
wow! just wow. Butt clenching story right here, reminded me of my own troubles, but you might be on another level.
As others suggested, try the Wise Anderson protocol, it is what got me out of the nightmare. As I m not from the US so I don't know how expensive is the treatment , you have other ways , you can buy the book "A headache in the Pelvis" and see if that relates with you (which judging from the symptoms you wrote, it will), and also you can find techniques and info about Wise Anderson protocol online.
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I really really hope you get better
Cable rope tricep overhead extension and dual dumbell overhead tri extension are my two favorites. The mind+muscle connection is your friend here.
Also, this is my go-to reference
Yes, grade is correct. Not a mistake, so much as just typing/thinking too fast before leaving for work this morning.
I should tell you, he was diagnosed with an Astrocytoma, but WHO reclassified tumors after his diagnosis and he was later re-diagnosed as an Oligodendroglioma. For 6 years we thought it was an Astrocytoma. When he had a reoccurrence last year they had to do a second biopsy and we found out it's an Oligodendroglioma. Grade 2.
Regardless, you have every reason to have hope. A positive attitude and believing that you still have life to live is just as important, if not more so, than chemo and radiation. This book got us through the first few years which are the hardest. https://www.amazon.com/Anticancer-New-Life-David-Servan-Schreiber/dp/0670021644
Hopefully that link works. I'm new to reddit and don't post very much.
I know this was probably your first resource but on the off chance you haven't read it go get the book "Headache of the Pelvis"
https://www.amazon.com/Headache-Pelvis-Revised-Expanded-Updated/dp/0972775552
Best money spent and I believe its where I found my stretching specifically for pelvic floor muscles. The one on amazon right now has been updated recently I guess. I'll have to get a new copy for myself too.
Yes.
Porn takes your neural circuitry that usually lights up with sex, and burns it out. That’s the long and short of it. Check out “supernormal stimulus.”
Also, this book helped me a TON. It’s got a lot of science in it.
Personally? No. I had an ex husband like this and he cheated on every one after me as well. It’s not really about you as much as it is about him. Most people who do this would do it to anyone.
Sex addiction uses the same neural pathways in the brain as drugs to chase that new relationship “high” he will always be seeking that feeling and there is a 0% chance you can continue to be his “drug” so to speak.
No matter how amazing, sexy and beautiful you are as a person you can’t be new for 50+ years. That’s why some of the most beautiful people still get cheated on.
Partners with healthy relationships and boundaries understand this and work together to overcome the issues that come up when the newness fades.
I was sexually abused and that has ZERO to do with his ability to be faithful.
It would be a BS excuse if he ever uses that as a reason and as someone who was also assaulted at a young age I would call him out on that as a shameful POS to say that’s the reason.
This book is really great for understanding how this cycle is working for him. Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction https://www.amazon.com/dp/099316160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ypXkFbK063VN4
Is it this?
It may not be an "official" specialty but some therapists (like my former one) take a special interest in men's issues. Mine also had a men's group session that was extremely good. I don't know if he's practicing anymore.
OP, I'd suggest reading the book I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real before looking for a therapist. It will familiarize you with the specific ways that men deal with mental-health issues. Spoiler alert: even if you don't think you have depression, you may be surprised. Men manifest depression differently than women, and things like anger issues may actually be symptoms. Reading this book will give you a vocabulary that you can use when interviewing a potential therapist.
Very good luck to you. Please be safe.
You seem well informed but the book 'Anabolics' by William Llewellyn is useful if you're not already aware of it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anabolics-Book-William-Llewellyn-ebook/dp/B005II5Z7M/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=william+llewellyn+anabolics&qid=1664730732&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIxLjc4IiwicXNhIjoiMC43MiIsInFzcCI6IjAuOTIifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=william+lle%2Caps%2C99&sr=8-2
Would you be willing to DM me where you are sourcing your meds from?
Try this:
https://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Pleasuring-Kerner/dp/0060834390/
I'd be curious to know how it turns out.
Communication is important. Ask them what they like.
Also, try reading this:
https://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Pleasuring-Kerner/dp/0060834390/
The guy who wrote the Bible on cunnilingus (She Comes First) also wrote this: https://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Pleasuring-Kerner/dp/0060834390
I highly recommend reading it on your Kindle or computer or whatever. Seems like a stupid book couldn't help you but if I could I'd bet you money that it will be useful to you!
Give this a shot and report back, please. I'm still waiting for my turn, so I can't comment on the effectiveness of the techniques.
https://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Pleasuring-Kerner/dp/0060834390
Sorry.
Does she enjoy receiving oral? If so, I mean, fair's fair. Maybe try talking to her about it to see if she'd be interested in trying something new, to spice things up. Maybe even buy her a book, to help boost her confidence?
https://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Pleasuring-Kerner/dp/0060834390
It can be hard to change because you have this limbic response that you’ve acquired. Wanting to change is a huge first step, I struggle with it myself. Good luck and do some research on “the rider and the elephant”
https://www.carnegiefoundation.org/blog/how-to-change-things-when-change-is-hard/
And also look into this book, very revealing on how males express hurt as anger:
I don’t want to talk about it, by Terrence Real
I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression https://www.amazon.com/dp/0684835398/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ECYJASEV9FYVHND8T2H5
I never held a baby my entire life before my son came out. And I didn’t grow up around kids so I had no experience with children at all. It initially seems really scary but they’re pretty durable. I cannot recommend this book enough. It covers pretty much everything that you’re gonna need to know that you’re gonna encounter child raising wise for the first year.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-First-Heidi-Murkoff/dp/0761181504
But I do recommend that you attempt the abortion/murder first.
ANABOLICS 11th Edition by William Llewellyn is a really great book. I have the paperback of the 8th edition, and it is one of the fitness related books I still use a lot for references or looking up information.
The ebook is better for researching though, since you can search for terms and quickly jump the pages.