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Well considering you’re probably an adult. I’d recommended the Alfred Adult Level 1 book. I’ve played piano for 8 years and this is what my instructor uses for her beginning high school who have never even touched a piano. There’s 3 levels and all have pretty well rounded lessons. It teaches a lot of chords, note names, scales, and etc. good luck! Adult All-In-One Course: Lesson-Theory-Technic: Level 1 https://www.amazon.com/dp/0882848186/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_.hRQAb5KQXXJC. If you ever need help shoot me a message
It sounds like you and your wife both use acts of service to say 'I love you', which can translate into unintentionally parenting behavior (especially when you have (three!) babies in the house. You both should read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts to better understand the way you each communicate with each other.
You may also find it helpful if you consider that she's not mothering you out of pity or the belief that you are incapable of adulting. Like someone already said, it's incredibly difficult to turn off 'parent mode', especially if taking care is her love language. When you get frustrated, remember that it's the two of you against the problem, not you against her.
In my experience, it really makes a difference to be clear about how you are feeling in situations like this instead of focusing on the other person's actions. You might want to take a breath and gently say, "I'm frustrated right now because I want to pull my share of the weight, and I feel like you are taking on too much. I love you and appreciate how much you do. Please let me do this so we can divvy up the work more evenly." This shifts the focus to how you feel about the situation instead of placing blame/attacking the other person (not your intent but she may have felt that way), reminds her that you are a team, and that you love her which is always nice to hear.
Normal is a mostly useless term in this area, but it's not uncommon for many different reasons. Not everyone derives intimacy or feels bonded from sex. Your wife may be one of those people. Someone who doesn't get their intimacy from sex may not understand that sex is not just a form of recreation to the partner, so they have no idea that unenthusiastic participation is often worse than no sex at all. On the flip side, which I think you are experiencing now, the partner that gets intimacy from sex doesn't always understand how the other doesn't.
This isn't an insurmountable problem, but it does take commitment from both partners if it's going to be over come. The first step is actually defining what intimacy means to each of you, and how each of you feel connected and bonded. For you, as someone that gets intimacy from sex, you have to focus on the feelings, and not the acts. You also have to be open to, and accepting of what is intimate to her, even if it's something completely non sexual. In order to find a happy medium for each of you, each of you must understand the specific things that the other needs to feel those "warm fuzzies", and you must both commit to providing that, without strings. Once that understanding is there, if your wife is open to it, she can look for things about the specific sex acts that have meaning for her, and make them something that she can desire and seek out. On your part, you have to let go of any need you have to dictate what the focus of her desire is.
It's not that there is anything wrong with either of you, it's just a difference in what makes you feel connected. Reading The 5 Love Languages may help bridge that understanding gap.
And you are right about the back rubs. If you do that now, you'll be turning intimacy into currency, and making your sexual relationship a transaction, which you'll find is even worse than what you have now.
For the girl, consider this, it’s a learn how to play Flute with songs from Frozen.
Frozen - Recorder Fun!: Pack with Songbook and Instrument https://www.amazon.com/dp/1495013057/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fzo-BbF6N2GX0
NAH - You're clearly not the asshole. However, rather than calling your husband the asshole, I think this may just be mismatched expectations and ways of expressing yourselves. Specifically, check out the concept of the 5 Love Languages (https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X). You don't need to buy the book, as there are articles out there that explain it well enough. The 5 are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Considering the amount of effort you put into gifts/party for him, it might be because gifts/acts of service are important ways you show him love, so when they're not returned in that way, you're hurt. He might be showing you love in other ways that are more important to him.
I know you're probably joking, but on the off chance that you're not:
This is a good starting point. I would also recommend learning some music theory. There are lots of online resources for this or if you want it all in one place, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Music Theory is actually a really good book (don't be dissuaded by the title). After you've learned some and want to play some music of your own, MuseScore is a great program that has a huge collection of user created sheet music. You can often find beginner versions of popular songs on their website. Best of luck and remember to have fun!
The Sound Reinforcement Handbook by Yamaha
Other great YouTube is Dave Rat
https://www.amazon.com/Frozen-Recorder-Pack-Songbook-Instrument/dp/1495013057
you guys don't know pain until you've had this given to your 3 year old daughter.
Grandpa here, and I've been down this path. Like the time I bought her that white sweater.... it got returned. I also think back to my dad telling me how individualized cars are, and how it was a big epiphany to him when he realized that it was important for mom to have the car she wanted and not so much what he thought she needed. He and I were both engineers so our brain always wants to go to "let me calculate the solution you need" and people don't work that way.
Let me try to pass along some older guy wisdom, so walk with me here:
Your 'best efforts' as you phrase it were to give her gifts that were what you wanted her to have; not so much what she wanted to have. As an artist, your creations are always about you and your concept of whatever it is. Even if it's meant for someone else, dragon colors and everything. It's still very much your expression. To you, this is a very meaningful thing from you and I think that you want them to be a surprise.
But human psychology doesn't work that way. We all have very individualized ways of how we want to feel loved. That's the main point from the very popular book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. An issue is that lots of people lavish onto their spouse the treatment that they want, not realizing that it's not at all what the spouse wants and their attempts to make them feel love don't work at all. Unfortunately, it's super common.
Now this is where it seems like takes some real jedi mind reading skills and it ain't always easy. You're trying to completely remove the thinking of what you want and slide into their mind and think of what they want. With practice you can get really good at it over a lifetime. To be honest, it's a lot better to forget with the surprises and flat out ask what they want, gather the details and literally write it down. No joke.
It's based on a book by Dr. Gary Chapman
Basically everyone has different ways they express love and feel loved.
There is: Quality time- -Physical touch -Acts of service -Words of affirmation -Receiving gifts
Knowing yours and your partners can be very powerful. It allows you to better meet his needs and for you to better express your needs.
It's great for all relationships!
What consequences has she had to go through? Sometimes cheaters need to feel hard consequences in order to understand that they are walking on borrowed time if they don't shape up.
I hope the both of you are in therapy.
Has any one suggested reading the 5 Love languages book by Gary Chapman? It might help both of you understand each others love languages.
> he doesn't ever offer to cook
> He doesn't buy me flowers, light candles or organise dates for us
You sound like an acts of service kind of woman. Go read Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, figure out what your husband is, then start loving on him in his languages. He should naturally reciprocate. Try it for like one month and see if it works.
FYI: People typically have a primary and a secondary language. Use both of his (and get to know yours).
Books. Start with your local library system and find every book they have on the subject. Scan them all, and read those that seem to speak to you. Ask for book recommendations here. The one that comes up most often for live sound is "Sound Reinforcement Handbook" ( https://www.amazon.com/Sound-Reinforcement-Handbook-Gary-Davis/dp/0881889008/ref=sr_1_1?crid=32D1J9UME9UQA&keywords=sound+reinforcement+handbook+2nd+edition&qid=1564110323&s=gateway&sprefix=sound+reinfo%2Caps%2C194&sr=8-1 )
There are used copies available on Amazon for less. Even though it's from 1989 most of the information is still applicable.
I don't believe there is a good quality website for that. However, this book is an industry standard for adults to learn reading. The lessons are well-organized and it is possible to go through it on your own. It's probably better than anything you'll find online. You can order it on Amazon if you want to avoid stores!
Change your mind.
You speak about the love languages, but do you truly understand all that there is about them? The entire point is that it's not about you, it's about how your partner wants to feel. Seriously go buy the book and read it cover to cover.
The way you describe it is kind of like she hates drinking milk and loves iced tea. But you like milk a lot so you cram milk down her throat because that's all you want in life. And you're pissed off that she has the gall to want iced tea. In fact, iced tea doesn't even enter your mind and if it's brought up, it MAKES YOU MAD BECAUSE I GAVE YOU PLENTY OF MILK. You don't even buy into the concept of iced tea at all. You'd never serve a glass for the rest of your life because you don't value the stuff. You gave milk so why the hell do you keep bringing up that damned iced tea? Enough is enough of that stupid tea!
So let's reframe this. Do you value your wife? Yes or no. Do you value her opinion? Yes or no. Does she deserve to hear that she's wanted, that she's done something well, that you're proud of her and that you love her? Yes or no. This is the foundation that needs to be there.
If all of these are yes, then it's time to make them a priority. "I didn't think about it" or "it didn't occur to me" are cop-outs. Is her happiness and fulfillment a priority to me or not? My take is that doing these things should be fun and make you feel good. I want life to be fun so I bring it--even as I had to be taught long ago, same as you.
I saw an app yesterday that might help. It's iOS only right now, but they're making the Android version. It sends reminders to do and be nice to your partner. It's called emi daily relationship reminder.
Good enough? Everyone should know? If there were only a handful that were useful, then the others would not be taught. Sure, you’ll find that 80% of songs consist of the same 20% components/themes. But there’s no “easy hack to be good enough” — progress is made through establishing a consistent practice routine and setting measurable goals.
Don’t try to go the easy route and skip fundamentals; it’s counter productive when learning piano.
This is a great book for beginners of any age that captures the spectrum of elements to learn.
On a different note, you may find that a hymnal, ignoring the religious component, is an excellent example of the common piano music practices — chord structure, inversions, voicing, etc. If you can play through a hymnal front to back, you can consistently play most American piano music.
I suggest reading a jazz theory book. I think that if you got through this Mark Levine book it wouldn’t be nearly as big of a mystery: https://www.amazon.com/Jazz-Theory-Book-Mark-Levine/dp/1883217040/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=jazz+theory+book&qid=1610722853&sr=8-1
This isn’t tied specifically to bass but it has a load of good info. Then if you want to get a Real Book (bass clef version), you can start really playing and improving jazz lines in bass easily.
I've posted this a few times but I think its well worth repeating:
I am using Alfred's Adult all in one and there is a guy on YouTube that covers each lesson with good instruction and tips. Here is the link: Alfred's Video
I also hired a tutor who I meet with every two weeks, just to make sure I'm not picking up bad habits.
Flash cards can help too or write all your scales, chords, appregios on papers and draw them randomly. Then play whatever you draw. I find learning them in sequence is a crutch. I know them by order but if you randomly asked me what's sharp/flat in any given key I would struggle to provide consistently strong answers. I could easily say G major has F# but like to hell if I know what Bb major is. I could play Bb major but I can't tell you how lol. Random on the spot tests help with that I think.
I’m the same way. Write and throw right handed but bat lefty. There’s a book you can get from Amazon called Stick Control. I can’t recommend it enough. It starts off basic and increases in difficulty. It will help with sticking.
Stick Control: For the Snare Drummer https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892764040/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_HH15Y35PKH9KNWERJ19Y
You were dating an 18-year-old and humans change a great deal between then and age 25 when the brain finally stops growing and maturing. Whatever she was 3 years ago is out the window.
But all is not lost. These are things we can and should talk about. I'm with CompletelyChaotic in that we all have different ways that make us feel loved. That is the premise of one of the most popular books in this sub: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This works best when both understand their partner and choose to give the way their partner likes it.
We all have different ways that make us feel loved. That is the premise of one of the most popular books in this sub: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
To explain it, there's this video that does a decent job of introducing the topic: The 5 Love Languages Explained. And both of you should know that this road goes both ways. It's equally important for him to understand what he can do to make you feel loved and supported.
Guitar Player Repair Guide is top notch.
Also you'll find hundreds of free YouTube videos.
If it's your first time I suggest buying a cheap diy kit and learning how to make it playable. It will help you learn a lot about setting up a guitar and how each part works. Going straight to building a full guitar from scratch is tough and it requires a lot of tools.
Good luck, post some pictures as you progress.
The Jazz theory book is pretty good (UK Amazon link: The Jazz Theory Book https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1883217040/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_1iIPBb6419EEZ)
Otherwise the ABRSM music theory books are pretty good as well but a little boring to read...
No. Not only because there are so many, but the word "should" is highly debatable.
In one sense you don't "need" to know any theory at all. It just depends on how much you "want" to know, which depends partly on what kind of music you're playing, and how much you want to get into improvising, composing or arranging. Or how much you talk to more qualified musicians. And on your own curiosity of course.
Basically, just buy a book - like this - and see how far you get (or want to get). Or if you want a free resource, try this. Again, take it as far as you want to.
Both of you might find these books helpful:
The five love languages This one is great for determining the ways you and your spouse like to give/receive love. It is a AMAZING book!
Not "just friends" This one is really for people who are going through an affair, but it is a good read to help "affair-proof" your marriage by learning about the dynamics that happen when affairs begin between platonic friends.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!!!
When my son was in 5th grade and had to buy a $5 recorder (which we never saw again after they were done with that unit..I wonder where the damn thing went?), I almost bought myself one from Amazon.
The Sound Reinforcement Handbook may be of interest to you. It is fairly technical and it's focused on live sound design, but I found it to be a valuable read.
Sometimes it just happens that , many small unresolved things/foxes keep getting added up. One of my friends wife bottled up things for long time & finally got up and left. It was too late for doing anything. Some men & women goes through buyers remorse / mid life crisis.
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! Young Woman” Song Of Solomon 2:15
There is a saying that in healthy marriage there are lot of disagreements, but they talk it out before going to bed . “Joyce Mayer” I think said about her husband, that they do have intense moments of fellowships - “arguments”. When one spouse is always saying like, whatever you say, they have given up.
Ephesians 4:26 “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry”
As long as it’s not abusive, give your best shot. Physical separation sometimes helps love. You both can try reading a book “five love languages “ . I used to tell my mom to divorce dad & that he will never change, he was abusive & alcoholic. Now I am glad that she didn’t, although they both stayed apart for many months/years at times.
Having eternal perspective is so important. Will pray for your family, you will overcome👍🏻🙏