The best Parenting & Family Reference books: Reddit reviews

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Let me just add to this that I know a lot of people have had shitty upbringings and deal with toxic parents. If therapy isn’t an option right now, or even if you are in therapy I recommend reading this book.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

So sorry to hear about your mental health struggles—it sounds like our situations aren’t too different. But without knowing many specifics, I can only recommend what resonated with me most when I was recovering:

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Also, if you’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts or impulses for years, you may need more than self-help books to change your mental health. It took a combination of literature, social support, therapy, medication, and meditation to get me on the road to mental health recovery. If you find things to be too hard, reach out to whatever resources are available to you. The US has the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Please do whatever it takes to feel better—you’re worth that!

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

New dad to a 1 year old here.

• Be prepared to support your wife through emotional times.
• I recommend this book which I found funny yet pretty informative.
• Start working out with a kettle ball of at least 15-20 lbs doing lifts similar to picking up a baby. Strengthen that lower back. You will repeatedly pick up the baby a lot.
• Look into and take your paternity leave. Too many guys skip out on this. But it does two things. Gives you bonding time, and saves you money. Daycare is expensive.
• Look into daycare costs so you are prepared.
• Look into local mothers clubs. They usually let in dads. Those groups give away a ton of free gear. They also connect your wife with other women going through the exact same thing. They will have answers you cannot give.
• Do not tell friends or family until after the first trimester. Miscarriages happen more often than expected early on. Having to explain this to friends or family is not something you want to do.

I don't have any advice -- I just wanted to offer support and encouragement. I find myself suggesting this book more often lately, but "Toxic Parents" really helped me work through a lot of issues with my own parent. It's not specifically about narc parents but rather toxic and abusive behaviors in general and how we can learn to set healthier boundaries to protect ourselves.

May I suggest something? Splurge on something nice and pampering for the person who's been mothering the neglected, abused child inside you: you.

Get your mom a card or some flowers if you want, also, but do something nice for yourself. Mothering ourselves after a lifetime of hurt is one of the toughest, but also most rewarding, jobs.

Also a book suggestion, if you're interested: Toxic Parents, by Dr. Susan Forward.

Excellent.

In my process of learning what was done to me (being beaten into the JWs by two horrible scapegoating parents), I read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

Somewhere within that book, I think within the first few chapters, the author quotes a therapist friend and confidant who said:

>If I could give my clients one gift, it would be the ability to leave their [dysfunctional, destructive] families to their fates.

Those words hit me right between the eyes. Being able to totally drop any emotional connection to dysfunctional and judgmental parents (or those with other issues) was the greatest freedom a person could wish for.

Please try to get him to go to therapy and get him a copy of Toxic Parents She's being deliberately abusive and is saying things she knows will hurt him. It's no different from being hit, or locked in his room/closet. She's toxic and he needs help to break the hold she has on him.

It sounds like you want this "come to Jesus" moment to be THE LAST attempt for... something. The thing is, your parents have had decades to fix things. The "fixer" isn't on you, the adult child. The thing is, your parents have CHOSEN time and time again to place the blame on you, play victim/martyr, belittle, insult, undermine, invalidate, minimize, and diminish you. Verbally abuse and emotionally abuse you. It is a CHOICE they have made again and again and again.

You are right - they will NEVER admit to the abuse. Why set yourself up for reopening old wounds?

The ball is in THEIR court, not yours. It is not up to you to bear that emotional burden. Set yourself free. They've dug their grave, to be blunt.

If you do truly decide to confront them, I suggest reading this book, the chapter called "confrontation" and memorize your rehearsed scripts for the inevitable gaslighting. Because it will happen.

Got the book Be Prepared - A Practical Handbook for New Dads in a Dad Box, finished it in one sitting. It’s hilarious and informative!

You're starting from a good spot. Try not to overcomplicate things, even the best laid plans get immediately derailed when it comes to kids.

I've found that a lot of pregnancy and baby reading can be very judgmental and prescriptive, so we mostly just avoid it. Keep it simple and you'll both be happy: Stay away from dangerous foods, don't drink/smoke/drug, get a lot of rest, get exercise, and eat a healthy diet along with prenatal supplements. Towards the end, the waiting gets stressful, so take a lot of walks, enjoy your last few days as a childless couple, and relax.

My favorite baby book is actually Be Prepared. Its light-hearted and has great info about what to look out for without being preachy about anything. It's very practical and my wife and I both agreed that it was more helpful than most of the mom guides which trend towards the "if your child has a french fry before age 10 you've failed them and they're going to become a crackhead" level of unhelpful specificity.

Edit: We're on baby #2, #1 is nearing her second birthday.

It's not a kid, it's a baby, and there is a big difference.

The baby is not manipulating them, the baby has only basic needs, at 2 years old they may have some preferences but they don't even realize they can do things to influence others and get what they want. Even a tantrum is usually just having big emotions and no where to go with them.

I'd like to hope that it will be different when it's his own kid, else I'd suggest he starts seeing a therapist now do deal with the trauma of having a newborn at home and a wife that's "on the babies side".

There is a book my husband got that might help? Linky to Amazon

I cannot recommend this book enough: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. My gosh - it totally opened my eyes to how my parents learned manipulation from their families. It gives you some very valuable perspective and strategies.

OP, if you read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, you will understand that you essentially have two options here:

1. Either you dump and report your girlfriend NOW and get a therapist for your daughter to heal the damage that has already been done;
2. Or you won't have a relationship with your daughter once she grows up. And yes, people blame enablers just as much as they blame abusers.

You choose.

This book is a great resource (Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons). However, I also think that you should definitely give yourself some slack. I am guessing that a lot of his classmates are going to be in the same boat as him with the way this last year has gone so hopefully it will be a non-issue as they will need to be getting a lot of students back on track. Best of luck!

"Okay? Now, about this new listing..." stop engaging with him. Be a grey rock. Also, I suggest your husband read this. Therapy may also help your partner to deal with this abuse. Honestly, though, is the business worth all of this heartache? Wouldn't cutting this toxic man out of your life yield more profit?

So there’s a wonderful book call “Love and Logic” that discusses how to reframe your brain on how to deal with child issues.

First step, realize coming at your chicks in anger and frustration turns of the learning part of the brain (think “Fight or Flight response”). Coming at it with love and empathy is key. This keeps the learning brain active.

Now, the difficult part is getting your brain right. Next when screaming or whining occurs you just say with a loving and empathetic tone, “oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you when you whine” or “I can’t hear you when you scream”. Maybe imitate and say, “ this is a whiny voice, I can hear you when you use your big boy voice”

If it persists, with empathy you say “how sad, it looks like we need a little bedroom time” and put them in the bedroom until he or she calms down. Having locks on the outside are handy, but really you need to be by the door (without speaking to the child) until they calm down, then give it a little more time for yourself (the book goes into more detail on how and why). Some parents aren’t keen on the idea of locking a kid in a room, but if you do it right, you won’t have to do it much, and they will eventually learn that when you say “how sad” or “bummer” or whatever your chosen phrase is, they just go to they’re room. This works on our 2.5 and 1.5 year old like a charm now.

Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)

>Parenting
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>Haven’t been able to keep calm with the kids. This is my goal, but I get angry when they don’t listen after repeating something 3 times. I

I swear by this book, 123 magic. I didn't realize it before writing about it on here but it fits in perfectly with all the other mrp stuff. Stop DEERing to your kids, stop throwing shame and guilt at them. Create consistent boundaries and enforce them with little, if any, emotion.

ia d-aici, fa cumva si citeste asta si o sa fie clare lucrurile dupa, mai bun decat orice sfat sau post, gasesti rezolvarea in cartea asta. daca nu ti-o permiti o gasesti si aici de downloadat pt kindle chiar si in format .pdf de citit pe pc/telefon etc.

pe scurt, va trebui sa te muti ca sa scapi de ei si sa rescrii regulile relatiei tale cu ei, gasesti toate detaliile si informatiile pe larg in carte. happy reading!

2 recommendations;

Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743251547/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_1R3FX4SE9RZA6Z169VTR

This is a super practical “survival manual” for Dad’s that describes scenarios you will encounter and how best to handle. Every new dad should own this.

The Wonder Weeks: A Stress-Free Guide to Your Baby's Behavior https://www.amazon.com/dp/168268427X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_S9VEVY0MDHTA9Z9FPKEZ

This has demystified the ever-evolving behavior and temperament of my baby. Helps you understand how your baby is perceiving the world week to week and gives you tips, exercises, and games so you can engage them and be helpful.

>It's essentially red pill for kids.

I'm so glad you liked 123 Magic. When I first saw you read it I thought, wait, that's not red pill. But the book is essentially just, set boundaries for your kids that you can be consistent with (don't rambo) and then strip out your emotions from the enforcement (Plus STFU and stop DEERing to your kids all the time about the boundaries)

We can sometimes recreate in our marriages the same toxic attributes we grew up with. Please, look at this and consider your marriage. If you determine that it's otherwise healthy then tell your wife that you understand her resentment toward your parents and that you are working to transition to a healthier dynamic with them (this book may help you with that) and that you'd appreciate her support by treating you with respect during the process. Her immature and hurtful response is a legitimate thing to be upset about.

I can't recommend this book enough for new parents. On Becoming Babywise. My wife and I followed this book for both kids, well really just the first we got lazy on the 2nd and we still have trouble getting him to stay in bed at 4 yrs.

I advise you to focus on becoming independent of your parents. Once you no longer depend on them, you can firmly draw boundaries and restrict their access to you if necessary. In the meantime, recognizing that his treatment of you is emotionally abusive and that those nasty things he says are not true. It can take years to shake off the effects of a toxic parent. I found this book immensely helpful.

It’s a book with lots of tips for discipline/stopping behaviors without the usual power struggles between parent and a more spirited child. The 123 part is that when the kid does something wrong like in the OP’s case if turning every request by the parent into an argument or negotiation, they get 2 chances to stop and then at 3 is the consequence. (You do explain this new way of the rules working to the child and they even walk you through that in the book in age appropriate ways). Like parent says “billy, time to pick up your toys” and he ignores you (but you know he heard you), you simply say “that’s 1”. If he then starts arguing “I don’t want to.” Or “when I finish” you can say “that’s 2, I told you to pick up now”. If he doesn’t comply then you say “that’s 3, go take a time out”.

The book describes different “punishments” and all that too. We used time outs. It sounds simplistic, but once your child starts to understand that a 3 always (and this is the important part—consistency) means a punishment they will start to comply before it gets to that. It helped us stop the back and forth between me and my son. To stop him from pushing my buttons and me from getting angrier and frustrated and yelling at him. After a bit you just have to say “that’s 1” (and you always say it calmly) and they know you mean business and do what you’ve asked. There’s a lot more to it and it explains the whys and different scenarios. The book is probably even better in newer editions as my spirited kid is 16 now. 1-2-3 Magic book

I'm not sure what issues your child has with reading but...

I started using this book with my daughter when she was 4. At 6, she's now reading on a 3rd grade level. Just one section a night really really helped. It's very different from other types of learning to read, but it did work very well for my daughter, so I like to share it whenever I can.

Assuming no eye/vision issues - this book is fantastic. I use it with kids that I tutor. It gets kids from knowing the alphabet to fluently reading in six weeks (sometimes less) if you work at it consistently for about half an hour per day.

I started making decisions about my education with my parents by around 7th grade. I think more autonomy in education leads to much more success in school. If your kid is reasonably smart and seems to want to make that choice, and you have a hunch they will do well with the more self directed learning, I say go with what they want. (I ended up finishing my BA at 20 and got a PhD after dropping out of HS, and i personally know at least 4 other adults who took similar paths.)

IME For very smart and/or socially awkward kids traditional school can be more of a curse than a blessing. Plus, as a former college teacher, I think teens rise to higher expectations and more challenges.

The teenage liberation handbook is a great resource for creating lifelong learners.

In addition to all the great books listed here my wife and I both loved Be Prepared: a Practical Handbook for New Dads. Good tips, well presented, and with just enough humor to keep you from freaking out.

We used this book when my son turned 4. Lessons are only like 10 min/day and he was reading in a couple weeks. Highly recommend it.

He is in kindergarten now and scored 99% percentile for reading.