The best Parenting Teenagers books: Reddit reviews

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

8 seems a little unnecessarily young. I waited until my kid was around 10-11 and bought this book.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0763644846/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I really recommend it. It covers a lot of stuff and is very educational.

Big Mouth is a funny show but it's not an educational tool. I mean would you recommend your kid watching American Pie to learn about sex?

I just picked up my copy of "The Boy Crisis" which just came out.

O H H E L L Y E S T H E R E I S: https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/0465016901.
This was was the first book I read after I came to terms with being NPD. This book does not apply to all narcissists, but it is certainly one of the ways narcissism develops. This is a turning point for you, good job and keep it up.

"if I’m not special, I’m worthless and purposeless" is really good insight and something I dealt with a lot too. Feeling like your "normal" has to be "ultra". You're "normal" has to be "special", and anything less feels like death. You have to win at every video game. Your partner has to be the hottest. You have to have the best job/grades, score the most goals/point, have the nicest mind/greatest body! Because you, well you're special!!

It takes a lot of time to learn to drop these expectations, because you don't know how to feel good about yourself without them but paradoxically the weight of them is so much to bear. But once you drop them, tell the world to fuck off, embrace your authentic self even when it means you're nothing special, you will finally find a peaceful existence.

NTA. He asked and you answered in an age appropriate way.

Book suggestion for anyone interested Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies

It doesn’t discuss how babies are made, but similarities and differences between male and female bodies.

Your sister is lucky to have someone like you.

All parents need to read this:

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440509009/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZDF27VDD3JY5CFT711G1

Insecure in Love is also a great one! It has several exercises in it too that’ll help you work through and cope with your anxiety. Attached was great for learning about attachment styles and the anxious-avoidant trap. Insecure in Love was super helpful too though ☺️💗

You might be interested in the book The Drama of the Gifted Child. Alice Miller is a psychologist who also had nparents, and she explains from her research that children of nparents often have extra reserves of sympathy and being sensitive, because they are trained to anticipate and fulfill their nparents' needs. A whole section is dedicated to the emptiness we feel once we realize that void it creates. (She explains it way better than I do.)

From what I remember, she doesn't go so far as to say that you are more likely to do the things that you list. I think we are more likely to have anxiety and depression as well as numb our feelings (since we didn't have a safe space to share them). But I'd be hesitant to just say it without any research to back it up. I know I'm only one person but I did really well in school, because it was a distraction and it fit into the 'golden child' persona that was expected of me.

From what I can tell they're the same book. Maybe different translations or editions? Most people these days are reading this version but for all I know the text is identical, so I say get your hands on whatever copy is convenient!

Trust your mommy senses.

Oprah did a whole segment on this. I never knew how blind I was until I saw her chilling segment and read the below book she recommended.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440509009/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_0T38S39DACKHXG5BFYH1

Teenagers are almost never picked off on the street. You are at risk of bad things happening to you: the number one biggest risk in your life is a friend's swimming pool. Another major risk is a gun at a friend's house, or your house.

You are also at risk of being abused by an adult, and it's especially important to be on your guard because a child's abuser is almost always someone known and trusted. A parent, a friend, a coach, a pastor, a teacher, a cop.

I read Gavin de Becker to keep my kids safe. https://www.amazon.ca/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009. It changed my life. I read it for my children, but you can read it for yourself.

Bottom line: it's great that you are trying to figure out how to be safe in an unsafe world. You are an object of prey for some twisted men, and as a society we don't do enough to keep our young people safe. But the risk is not the stranger in the street. It's someone that you know. Pay attention to the grooming behaviors, their low risk approaches, figure out the adults who you can truly trust with your life are. That's how you keep yourself safe.

It's from "What's Happening To Me?"

My parents gave me this book when I was about 11, and even at that age I knew this was a piece of advice which would get the shit kicked out of you if you followed it. I kept well away from looking at peni until I first saw a porno a couple of years later. Luckily, I had this book so I knew what was happening...

I think maybe work from a book like this:

https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763644846

It’s designed for ages 10 and up. They do make other books for younger children. You could let him read it himself (check if his reading skills are enough to comprehend on his own) or you or his mother could read it to him.

If it is US sex education in school, it usually isn’t sufficient enough.

brave of you to share that. i've been through biohacking cycles (using nootropics; never with benzos or anything addictive) to make difficult situations more bearable. where i found most success, however, was by facing the root of those problems head-on. that's the deeper invitation for real progress.

let's be honest: many benzo threads including yours are about getting the permission to continue doing it, dancing the delicate waltz between relief and addiction. you know it is a dangerous game which is why you don't play it alone; you tap into the community.

i did not suggest exposure therapy but i suppose that is one avenue.

give this book a chance if you want to start healing instead of putting band-aids on wounds: https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Revised/dp/0465016901 then circle back after you read at least one third of it.

cheers and good luck.

> "We can only solve this riddle if we manage to see the parents, too, as insecure children—children who have at last found a weaker creature, in comparison with whom they can now feel very strong. What child has never been laughed at for his fears and been told, “You don’t need to be afraid of a thing like that”? What child will then not feel shamed and despised because he could not assess the danger correctly? And will that little person not take the next opportunity to pass these feelings on to a still smaller child? Such experiences come in all shades and varieties. Common to them all is the sense of strength it gives the adult, who cannot control his or her own fears, to face the weak and helpless child’s fear and be able to control fear in another person.
[...]
Disregard for those who are smaller and weaker is thus the best defense against a breakthrough of one’s own feelings of helplessness: it is an expression of this split-off weakness. The strong person who—because he has experienced it—knows that he, too, carries this weakness within himself does not need to demonstrate his strength through contempt."

When you are more rested, I highly recommend that you read the book ‘Protecting the Gift’ by Gavin de Becker. De Becker talks a lot about using our intuition.

Amazon has a good summary.

https://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=82469d94-00a1-47e1-8ca9-af3d51e6cf00

It's Perfectly Normal was the best book for both my son and daughter. It's explains so many things and allows for a conversation and 12 is a great time for it. As for the labia situation, all you need to say is every girl/women has a variation just like every other part of the body. I believe during puberty the labia becomes more visible and I recall back at that age being a bit freaked out by it too. Letting her know that many parts of her body are going to change and she should always feel free to chat with you openly is the best you can do. Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763644846

If your kid likes reading books (well, being read to, I guess), try this book:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1433801310

It did wonders for us when we were potty training our oldest. It also has some helpful tips for parents in the back, too!

The book The Transgender Teen

Was very helpful for my husband. It was recommended to us by our oldest's gender therapist. I found almost every question we had was in there. Hope it helps!

You're doing a lot right. We're socialized to worry about others' feelings over our own instinct for survival, which is crazy. If you have a choice between protecting your child and hurting someone's feelings, hurt those feelings!

Recommended reading: Protecting the Gift by Gavin deBecker

I was in the same problem, so I understand what you are going through. It will sound obvious but u have to work on your self esteem. Do you feel anxious when he isn’t around? If you do, try to look into this book:

Insecure in Love: How Anxious... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608828158?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

It helped me at some point of my relationship, maybe it will help you too.

Not necessarily a parenting book but check out "The boy crisis". If you're planning on 5 kids, the odds are good you get a boy or 2.

https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Crisis-Boys-Struggling-About/dp/1942952716

I can't vouch for this specific clip, but I was first introduced to the concept of boys failing by listening to a talk by Warren Farrell. He is the author of The Boy Crisis, and I think his videos and writing would be an excellent place to start.

Check out an age-appropriate book like It's Perfectly Normal. Read through it together with the kiddo, breaking it into sections so they're not totally overwhelmed. Answer questions, talk about how it might apply to their own life (what would you do in this situation, etc). Make sure they have a chance to look through the book on their own as well.

NTA My brother had to be (re)taught how to use deodorant in college. He’d been using it for years but either used it wrong or put it on his clothes and not in his pits? Dunno. I was baffled when he yelled at me for not showing him properly in the first place. I figured my parents had?

Sometimes we all need to just overly show and explain things.

Also the flashing is no worse than him seeing you in a bathing suit.

Your mom either needs to better explain or he needs books on puberty that explain everything. I had this book when I was younger and some of the advice might be outdated but find it or a similar book that’s got a lot of illustrations and it should help your brother understand in an age appropriate way that shouldn’t set your mom off too much. "What's Happening to Me?" The Classic Illustrated Children's Book on Puberty https://www.amazon.com/dp/0818403128/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_JSQSFBFDJRX9QYKN2JJH

I have an 11 year old daughter.

If the way you articulated it to her is as you wrote it in this post that could be part of the issue. You put all of the emphasis on wanting to look different rather than articulating how you feel and why you plan to transition. Right now it's possible that her understanding of your transition is that mom wants to look like a man rather than mom is a man.

I recently had my daughter read a wonderful book that covers issues she will soon be facing in puberty - including an extensive chapter on sexuality and gender. LGBTQ issues are not new to her, they are something we have discussed with her from a very young age. Highly recommend, by the way.

When we were discussing transgender people after she read that chapter, I told her that our friend Alice is transgender, which I assume my daughter already knew as she has met Alice many times. For context: Alice is a transgender woman who is very early in her transition. Her response: REALLY?!

It never occurred to my kid that Alice was trans because kids of that age don't notice nuance like this unless they are taught to (usually by parents who are prejudiced). It is entirely possible that your child likewise does not really see or understand your transgender family members to be transgender.

(Adding because it's adorable: That REALLY?! was followed by THAT'S SO COOL!)

If I'm off the mark and you think your child has enough of an understanding of transgender issues to understand the nuance in the conversation that you had, then I agree with the other comments. It might just be a hard adjustment for her since it is her own parent. It might also bring up gender questions of her own since it is her formerly same-gendered parent who is transitioning.

I hope none of this comes across as criticism. You're doing great as a parent an a human.

This was a good purchase for us that goes over all the proper names for things in a very accessable way.

https://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316/ref=pd_aw_fbt_img_1/137-6609845-6015429

There's the slow roll approach of having him ask for a diaper whenever he needs to poop—then having him poop while on the toilet wearing the diaper. Then creating a special diaper (you cut a hole) that you have him use while sitting on the potty. Finally, you remove the diaper.

We picked up this book: It Hurts When I Poop! A Story for Children Who Are Scared to Use the Potty. And we had to remove all diapers/pull-ups. We said we ran out. We also had a poop party (from the book) after our kid pooped on the potty like 5 days in a row.

We just got Who Has What: all about girls’ bodies and boys’ bodies.

It’s got all body parts, including ovaries and restocked.

The book your parents currently have encourages conversion therapy for trans kids and pushes conspiracy theories about trans-supportive therapists being "institutionally captured." Depending on how susceptible your parents are to this type of fearmongering, you might want to prepare for the worst case scenario. Make sure you have an exit plan if necessary and watch this video guide on how to identify and resist conversion therapists. If a therapist refuses to use your preferred name/pronouns, avoid telling them about anything you are struggling with. By refusing to respect your identity, they are not acting in good faith and shouldn't be trusted. Part of the goal of conversion therapy is to find any excuse to say that you aren't really trans by blaming other things going on in your life. If you are anxious, depressed, being bullied, tired, or have pretty much anything else that may be inconveniencing you, don't tell a non-affirmative therapist about it. They will use it as an excuse to say you aren't really trans.

Not sure if this will help, but I remember my parents getting and reading "Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens" after I first came out to them. They became much more supportive after reading it, so I assume the book may have helped them along. If your parents are willing to look at other sources, it might be worth it to recommend that book to them.

Not sure if this will help, but I remember my parents getting and reading "Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens" after I first came out to them. They became much more supportive after reading it, so I assume the book may have helped them along. Can't say I've read it though, so idk for sure.