Good on you for being proactive about your finances. Please cut it up so you don’t use it any more. I suggest reading this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial-ebook/dp/B00DNBE8P6
Good self-help books are underappreciated. They can provide the push needed to us in critical moments of our lives, e.g. to overcome short-term pain / excessive risk-aversion when making an important decision, and let us change the fundamental frames / instill useful mantras into our lives, changing our trajectories significantly. These two self-help books definitely changed my life, providing both motivation and timeless advice:
How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life by Scott Adams
Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odd by David Goggins
I recommend these to all my friends and everybody who read them so far loved them (note that for max effect probably best to space them out and to first read Adams and then Goggins a few months later).
Deliberate practice.
Set yourself small, achievable goals to extend your current ability incrementally and do that regularly.
I think an even better book would be Your Money or Your Life, by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. Just very basic, practical steps that will help you reach your goals
F
I can't recommend On the Phenomenon of Bullshit Jobs and the book it expanded into enough.
I would recommend that you look at the book Peak: Secrets From The New Science Of Expertise. I’m reading it now and it is so interesting. It basically explains how people become experts using specific principles defined by the author as “deliberate practice.” Even though it is a researched-based book, it is written in an easy to read style; I checked it out of my local library. If you are looking to develop a skill or talent later in life, the steps outlined in this book can get you where you want to be much quicker than if you were just trying to figure it out on your own. Many people realize their dream during middle age and beyond!
And then she published a book about it!
https://www.amazon.com/Maximizing-Future-Eliminating-Student-Loan-ebook/dp/B0725GCVDM
The many negative reviews mirror exactly what people are saying in this thread.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DNBE8P6/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Read it, live by it. I know its a bit fucked to tell anyone in this position to just "be better with money" (especially with the Covid), but understanding how and where you spend money by doing a budget is critical. Getting a small sum together for emergencies, is critical.
This book really helped influence and codify how I use money, got my 50k in student loans paid off in 3 years, and has me well on my way to saving for retirement and a home.
Financial stress, constant never ending hardship of money, creates a form of PTSD that will literally kill you years ahead of your time.
TLDR: Yes it's possible, no you need more information than any video can present in 9 minutes, think about whether it's a good idea for you.
I'm not going to sit through a video that probably only has 2 paragraphs of actual information. I will say that yes, it is possible to pay off a mortgage in that kind of time frame. If you want something with a little more detail on how to get there, you might consider spending $12.99 on a book. Heck, it turns out that Amazon will autocomplete "pay off mortgage in 5 years" and you can have a book that just deals with that for about $5.
The next logical question: is it desirable? Assuming that your mortgage is affordable and you aren't buried under a mountain of debt, is there a reason not to have a monthly mortgage payment? Sure, the mortgage interest deduction is probably not a factor anymore. But why not use the leverage of that money in your bank/brokerage account? And what about the piece of mind knowing that the escrow account associated with your mortgage is taking care of the property taxes without you having to save or even think about it? I'm not saying not to pay off the mortgage, I'm saying examine your reasons for doing so and the potential pros/cons before you get rolling.
This is totally within my wheelhouse. For all intents and purposes, there is no such thing as "talent." It's better to think of talent as a subjective opinion someone gives (I.e. "you're so talented!").
Nearly everything is a skill because humans learn by modeling or trial and error. Skills are built via mental representations. Artistic endeavors are skills because anyone can do them and improve immensely.
I encourage you to read Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by K.Anders Ericsson.
The moral of the story is that no one is innately born with any skill, hence there is really no such thing as talent in that way. Just subjective opinions.
Your partner might find the book Your Money or Your Life helpful.
Rich Dad Poor Dad is also popular, but it may be aimed at younger people.
The money he's spending on crap is wasted because he doesn't actually get any enjoyment from the things he buys.
art has helped me a lot. I'm glad you found something creative, I wished someone had told me that art would help me when I was first diagnosed. here's a book that will help you with your painting journey. It has helped me with my music/math/programming/graphic arts journey.
https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial-ebook/dp/B00DNBE8P6/ref=nodl_
Piracy is a form of stealing. Don’t think Dave would be OK with stealing.
If you really need the book, call in, and he might give it to you for free.
Dave has hard cover on his site for $16 and audiobook for $20 (price rounded up). Amazon sells kindle for $17.
Book recommendation that kind of answers your question in a very roundabout way
https://www.amazon.com/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still-ebook/dp/B00COOFBA4
> A combination of mediocre skills can make you surprisingly valuable
it is simply one indicator of a few you should use. among them, google (obv), your smart peers, professional opinions as well.
here's a book that taught me to not react with "i already know" kind of attitudes.
https://www.amazon.ca/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still-ebook/dp/B00COOFBA4
good luck man!
Heads up for those who don't already own it... Your Money or Your Life eBook is on sale today at Amazon for $1.99 :
Oh I have been here...sooooo many times. I've been married now for 25 years and it was decades of this pattern for us.
Eventually I realized that he has very little self-compassion. And I started focusing on that and thinking about how different I am in that way. I have a lot of self-compassion and can easily forgive myself when I screw up. He is more of a perfectionist overall, and he would rather avoid thinking about a mistake because it feels so bad for him. He doesn't have an internal voice that says "It's okay, you didn't mean to" or "It's okay, you'll learn from this and everyone makes mistakes".
Also, some people can get caught in a "win-lose" mindset during conflict. They feel like in any conflict, someone is at fault and must be blamed. My husband saw conflict this way, and used to always say to me: "You always have to win". He didn't believe me when I said I didn't care about "winning" and that there is no one to "blame" and I just want him to understand me, and to understand him.
When I spent a little more time getting inside his head, then I could see how painful this mindset must be. I was so tired of reassuring him when I was the one who was hurt, but now it's so much better.
Also got him a book called "I Hear You" because it teaches how to validate someone. It helps change his mindset from "I did something wrong, I am to blame" to him focusing on "I can make her feel better in this moment".
https://www.amazon.com/Hear-You-Surprisingly-Extraordinary-Relationships-ebook/dp/B071K4MWMK
I hope that helps
While you're still learning, understand that you'll always be learning. According to this article about a 1929 study that is outlined in this book, you only need about 100 hours to become a master at something.
That is all to say that you're more along the scale than just beginner than you think you are. I've played with the engine since 2018 and still think I'm a beginner. I know better in my mind...but in my heart, as a hobbyist, I doubt I'll ever get passed it.
Keep up the great work, Dev!
From the book Peak: Secrets from the new science of expertise
>Research has shown that, generally speaking, once a person reaches that level of "acceptable" performance and automaticity, the additional years of "practice" don't lead to improvement. (p13)
More simply put, progress at this stage (and the intermediate stage, to a lesser extent) requires that you move from naive practice toward deliberate practice.
I highly recommend you read 'Bullshit Jobs' by David Graeber.
Many people who have jobs have menial, tedious, unfulfilling jobs that they merely do because someone pays them. I suspect that those who don't want to work largely come from this cohort.
I wish this book had been around when I was your age: https://www.amazon.com/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still-ebook/dp/B00COOFBA4
I think this point in your life is the perfect time to read it and use some of the principals to orient yourself while you make plans for your next step into the future.
David Graeber had the courage to pen an entire book about this.
Yeah, I mean it sounds like she's just not a great listener.
My wife is similar, she tries but ultimately when I vent my serious problems to her a lot of times I just feel worse after so I find other ways to cope. So generally I stick to just telling her about work drama or simple things so she can hear about my day.
You might talk to your wife about reflective listening.
There's also a great book called <em>I hear You</em> that might be helpful for her.
Con respecto a finanzas:
Recomiendo leer https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DNBE8P6, es medio libro de auto ayuda pero tiene buen info y buenos piques si no tenes un plan de ahorro y ya tenes deudas.
Con respecto a tarjeta de credito, yo subscribo a la idea de usarla para todo. Primero porque no es tu plata y tenes cierto seguro para robos y eso que con la de debito no. Segundo porque algunas tarjetas te dan millas que si las usas pila te beneficias. Esto siempre y cuando pagues el total mes a mes. La idea no es endeudarse y sacar en cuotas, la idea es usarla como si fuera de debito que post paga.
So one could, if the message is meaningful, do the author the courtesy of allowing them to find some income from their message by buying the book instead.
You decide.
Here's the book:
https://www.amazon.com/Bullshit-Jobs-Theory-David-Graeber-ebook/dp/B075RWG7YM
Here's the article:
https://libcom.org/article/phenomenon-bullshit-jobs-david-graeber
He’s a good writer. But yes he picks anecdotes to support his claims and the one I hate the most is the 10,000 hour rule which has become mainstream without anyone knowing that it is the time it takes for violinists to become proficient and not a general rule for learning skill beyond that it may take a long time for some skills.
The author of that study wrote a book on deliberate practice which I wish for more attention than Outliers: https://www.amazon.com/Peak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise-ebook/dp/B011H56MKS
That's why Scott Adams has a book about how "goals are for losers" and he recommends focusing on the process instead.
With goals, when you're still working towards it you feel like a loser and then when you reach it, you feel empty.
Instead he says to have processes that will make your life better and your focus should be on doing it. Doing the c25k will make your life better by making you healthy. The real win here is not reaching 25k, it's sticking to doing something that makes your life better by making you healthier.
Here's the book if you're interested : https://www.amazon.ca/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still-ebook/dp/B00COOFBA4
I think your reaction is quite reasonable. I’d be super nervous too if the quality of my art was directly tied to my self-worth. The pressure is even higher, given the expectations you were given when you were young too.
I’m going through something similar, and am still figuring out my way around my own anxieties, but perhaps this book I read recently on procrastination could be helpful for you. It dives fairly deeply into personal motivations for procrastinating, and I found it very helpful.
It's true they do wallow, but it is also true they are not ready to hear what you want to tell them and it's not likely to help them.
There's an excellent book about this called <em>I Hear You</em>, but the TL;DR is often the most efficient way to help someone work through an emotion is to validate it.
That doesn't mean you just blindly tell them everything they feel and think is correct, it means you acknowledge their hurt comes from something real.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Dr. Carol Dweck, an American psychologist has pioneered the concept of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. The TLDR is that a fixed mindset says, "I am 'this' good, and cannot get better, so when people do better than me, I am threatened and I react poorly" while a growth mindset says, "I can be better, I can learn. When others do better than me, it doesn't upset me. I can even celebrate those victories with them.
Here is a short blog post about it, by Dr. Dweck, cliff notes style.
Here is a link to her book, although I suggest you find it from somewhere other than Amazon.