The best Popular Psychology Mental Illness Books: Reddit reviews

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Living in the moment, with no thought of future consequences of one's actions or inactions, is a fundamental characteristic of a psychopath. Add it to his constant lying, lack of empathy, and grandiose self-image. The sooner the public is educated about psychopathy, the better.

1 in 100 is a psychopath. That's over 3 million in the US. The odds are good you know one personally. Do not confuse it with a mental illness. It is a structural brain defect, and cannot be treated.

For more on psychopathy, I recommend <em>Without Conscience</em> by Dr. Robert Hare, who developed the clinical test for identifying psychopaths.

The good times are part of the abuse. They keep you questioning whether you’re imagining it or whether you should stay.

I highly suggest this book:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nSHMFbK2HKG7E

EMDR therapy is remarkably effective in helping people overcome sexual abuse trauma like the kind you describe (specific issues with penetration)

Some therapists offer sliding scale to make treatment affordable for people who need it. You could look at it as a good investment in yourself and your relationship.

Also,

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

are both fantastic resources recommended by many therapists

Ma’am, your husband has a personality disorder and is an abuser. That bathroom wall banging is 100% a manipulation tactic. So is the sulking and the temper tantrums. Please read this book, ideally on an e-reader where he can’t see it - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0425191656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_0A33SF6RMKT4WM9Y36NP

Going against the grain here, I don't think this is actually about logic OR emotions.

I think it's about control. Alarm bells started going off the more I read that this, I think it's a delibrate tactic to get you under his control, which is what abusive people want most of all.

>Queue 'why are you being so stubborn?', 'are you trying to deliberately hurt me?', 'are you trying to prove a point or something?', 'would it hurt you to do it this way?', 'I thought you cared about my feelings and my support'

🚩🚩🚩 so from this paragraph I see him deliberately: 1) making you feel like you need to justify your actions to him. You don't, but making you do so changes the power dynamic in his favour. It also keeps you focused on your actions and behaviour so you don't have the time to take a critical look at his behaviour.

2) using emotional manipulation. Not only do you owe him an explanation, but when you do something he doesn't like he turns it into you hurting him. This is manipulative AF and intentional.

3) wearing down your defences. This shit sounds exhausting, and while you can fight back now, I imagine that after weeks/months/years of it you'll just get so tired you'll stop fighting back. Then you'll just do what he wants how he wants to avoid the fight. THIS is his ultimate goal, to make you compliant.

>What should I do?

Fucking run, this is only going to get worse.

And please, take a look at the book 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft, you can find the PDF for free online.

Angry and controlling men seem to think that there is no way they can be abusive if they don't physically hurt their wife.

YOU ARE ABUSIVE.

Wish I could give your wife this book.

That doesn't mean everyone who tells you to up your meds is right, or coming from a good place. Abusive men LOVE to tell their partners they're crazy/paranoid/overly senisitve/imagining things/overreacting

Please read this book

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat

> but after an "incident" where one of her close (male friends), made unwanted sexual advances at her, she's completely shut down sexually.

She should be seeing a therapist who specializes in helping people recover from sexual trauma.

Healing from trauma like she experienced is possible, but she needs help.

Is this person still part of her/your social circle?

I often recommend these resources here, because they are so good:

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

I'd encourage you to do more research. Most abusers are extremely charming and emotionally manipulative. Many abusers seem like genuinely great people to everyone around them because they're not just some general indiscriminate asshole, and they may treat everyone other than the victim very well. There's a book about exactly this, the author did a lot of investigation through interviews with both the abused and the abuser. Most of the abusers saw nothing wrong with their actions because they veiwed the victim as sub-human and belonging to them.

At the end of the day, it's a power thing and abusers use a wide variety of tactics to gain power of their abuser, ranging from physical abuse to often making the victim doubt their own mental facilities through creative methods.

Two of the most fascinating to me were the following.

One guy would hide things his wife needed, like keys when she was leaving, and then watch as she became increasingly frantic. Once she was in tears, turning the house upside down, tearing her hair out, he would leave the keys in an obvious place like a table and say something along the lines of, "look it's right there. I don't know why you can never find things, you're losing you mind"

Another guy dimmed the lights, Everytime his wife left the room and then would adamently deny it, and call her paranoid and imagining things.

This book might help you. It’s often recommended by counselors who work with sexual assault and abuse survivors. Maybe it would help you to read it as well, but remember, although you are wonderful to be so supportive you can’t fix her. Be easy on yourself. Take care.

https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730

I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828

It might help to understand how a person can “fake” human emotions when deep inside they lack empathy etc..

It’s creepy to encounter people who operate like this.. it’s like the wolf in sheeps clothing.

Abusers will try to convince you their feelings are the problem. "I was mad, I was frustrated, I felt scared of losing you, I just love you so much". But everyone experiences those same emotions without abusing others.

An abuser does not have a problem with how they feel, they have a problem with how they think. They think they're entitled to attention, care-taking, interest, to a person giving up who she is to focus entirely on the abuser's needs. And when they don't get what they think they're entitled to, they feel entitled to call that person horrible things. They give themselves permission to express those feelings based on how they think.

Never be misled; if someone talks to you this way its not because "they were mad". It's because they think it's okay to express their anger in that toxic unfair way. Read more here if you need

I recently read Lundy Bancroft's book on abusive men: "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men", and I was really impressed with it.

It totally opened my eyes to men's abusiveness, and dispelled a lot of the misconceptions that I had about men's harmful and cruel behavior. (It also honestly helped me wrap my head around how contradictory the men who espouse gender identity are (Riley Dennis, Zinnia Jones, Contrapoints, etc), because once you get down to it they're just another flavor of abusive man)

I made this little review video to encourage people to check the book out if they've never heard of it before.

Link to the book on Lundy's website (2nd book down from top of page): http://lundybancroft.com/books/

Link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

I mean, yes because no one here can predict the future or how you'll turn out. Dr. Kay Jamison wrote a best selling book, An Unquiet Mind, about being a clinical psychologist with Bipolar I Disorder, so obviously it can be done. However, your mental health and experience is different from hers and I'd recommend stabilizing the condition first, especially given the treatment resistance and its effect on your previous graduate studies. Are you engaged in CBT, ACT, or some other evidence-based practice for depression? It sounds like your doc is a psychiatrist or prescriber primarily. While a mood stabilizer is the first line treatment to stabilize mania, a Bipolar I depressive episode usually requires talk therapy as the primary treatment due to the risk of many SSRIs inducing a manic episode.

Edit: she's a clinical psychologist, not psychiatrist. My bad.

Your old boss was right and if you're interested in reading about this topic more I would highly recommend reading The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson. There's a lot of fascinating info in this book about psychopaths and how they operate and there is a section that talks about the fact that there is a higher rate of psychopaths among CEO's compared to the general public. Unfortunately, in business it does tend to be beneficial to only care about yourself and what you can gain and to not have any qualms about screwing people over to benefit yourself and the company.

Not a summary, but I was curious to know more about the plot as well, and this Amazon link has a good product description and excerpts from the book if you scroll down.

I used to think this to. That my lack of education or caring somehow triggered the violence in my life. If you can find a library, many offer free audio and ebooks, please check out this book. It helped my world make sense.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

> After the dinner date we went back to his place. We were on the couch. Nothing had happened yet, he just had his arm around me. I was a little buzzed off the wine, and he said "I want to show you something."

So he didn't talk to you about hypnotizing you, and get your consent? Did you have a talk about limits and what's okay, and how much control he should have?

> He told me a little more about how he likes to use hypnosis to enhance the bedroom. So as we would text, he would send me images about erotic hypnosis all day. When I wasn't at work, he would send me videos, audios, or we would have hypnotic phone sex.

It sounds like you got into a steady relationship, but he sounds like he likes to push past your limits and uses hypnosis to do so, and is isolating your from your friends, family and work. These are all classic abuser techniques. Do you feel safe in your relationship? Are you able to say no and have him respect that? Does he try to control you or speak for you outside of your sexual relationship?

You need to get a copy of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

You also need to get a lawyer who has experience with "high conflict personalities" and get your ducks in a row before you make a move.

Your lawyer can best advise you, but going "no contact" if you don't have kids, is often the safest route for you to take.

You need to protect yourself.

A book I found invaluable was Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. I never thought my ex was abusive; I just thought he was a dickhead. Reading about the patterns of anger I was shocked into recognition. It was devastating in its way... But helped me to detach, eventually.

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Good on you for getting out! Best wishes for the days ahead.

The fact that he’s making this all about himself when you were the one who had to go through all of the serious physical aspects of pregnancy and loss ... is truly terrible. The fact that you don’t believe you can safely talk to your therapist about this is not okay. I hope that you can get the help you need. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9H84TET0I137&amp;keywords=why+does+he+do+that+lundy+bancroft&amp;qid=1576347460&amp;sprefix=Why+does+he+%2Caps%2C152&amp;sr=8-1

Please read this book

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat

If you can get your mother to read it, it would be great. Buying her a copy is probably a risky idea, maybe send her a link once she has a laptop? Assuming your father doesn't have access to it? Please keep in mind that abuse tends to escalate when the abuser feels his victim might be getting ready to leave him, it's the most dangerous time for her.

>Either she is a liar or her memory is indeed unstable

OP, this is all classic BPD. Not CPTSD. The conditions overlap but have some really stark differences. Unfortunately BPD is characterized by instability in relationships so this is a remarkably hard problem to be up against in a marriage.

Some mental health practitioners will diagnose BPD as CPTSD to avoid the stigma. But it is an inaccurate diagnosis. Here is a graphic to help you understand the differences.

I'm glad you found Stop Walking on Eggshells - you're going down the right road.

Spend some time on /r/bpdlovedones - you'll get more targeted help there than here.

You should read Splitting to understand your worst-case scenario.

If you want to help, you can be a treasure trove of information, so that if she asks for your help, you are ready. Also, be there for her if she needs you.

I would also recommend making observations over passing judgments. For example, "That's a common tactic of abusers" is a plain fact, while "your boyfriend is an abuser" is a judgment that she may feel you are not equipped to make not really knowing the guy. You might bring her this book if you think she might be open to reading it.

Sometimes victims of domestic abuse need affirmation, especially if it's a pattern they've been in. You can tell her what you like about her and that she deserves better.

If she says something like "I don't know what to do," you can ask her how she feels about her options, or if she's tried to lay them all out, or if she'd like your help brainstorming. If she chooses abortion, there is a time limit on that one, and it will depend on where you live, so you can help her by looking things like that up before you meet with her, along with costs, locations, how to make an appointment, and where she can go if she's missed the deadline where she lives. If she seems surprised at how much you know, it's ok to tell her you thought she might want that kind of information given her circumstances (from the sound of her message, it didn't really seem like she wanted the pregnancy).

Ultimately it's her choice, and not really your business. But you can be a sounding board for her and help her think through her options in a nonjudgmental way, if you can manage that.

This book is really great, I will try to get my daughter to read it someday. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656 I think it's helpful because it teaches girls and women how to avoid/recognize abusive relationships and also how to deal with the situation when their friends are in abusive relationships (too often friends abandon friends because they get fed up with seeing it, and we women really could do a better job supporting each other in these cases). It helps the reader empathize and understand the complexity of the situation (that it's not just a "self-esteem" issue). I say read it and if you like it, pass it on to your girls when they start dating.

Yelling and throwing things is considered psychological abuse, just FYI.

Grey Rock Method

Why Does He Do That?

Your father is an asshole. Study, save money, survive. And get the fuck out when you can. I know of a couple of subs filled with people who went through the same thing. Your household may be bleak as hell, but your life outside of it will not be. Hold onto that.

Are you an only child? Because I am, and so I was both the Golden Child and the Scapegoat with my Nmom. I too have good memories of my mom doing things with me, but now I question if she did those things to make herself look good or because she wanted someone to tag along, not because she was doing anything nice for me. And despite what good memories I have, all of the bad outweighs it now, so I cut her out. I don’t hate my mom, but I really don’t like her and it’s much better for my well being to have her cut out of my life. It’s so hard reconciling good memories with how she really is, and I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact I don’t have a loving mom because everyone wants to have a loving, supportive mom, but my life is better without her in it. I recommend reading ‘Will I Ever be Good Enough?’, a book written by a psychologist about women with narcissistic moms. https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436

No OP, but I'd like to strongly recommend <em>Why Does He Do That?</em> by Lundy Bancroft (non-affiliate Amazon link) to you if you've never read it. It's one of the very best books you could ever read about the denial and other thought processes behind domestic violence.

> Do you have any tips on how I can maybe assist my former abusers in regards to reflecting on the situation?

You'll have more tips and authentic responses to give than you ever thought possible after reading that, not an exaggeration. The author gives many, plus it's such an eye opener that you'll definitely come up with a few of your own.

I literally can't recommend it enough for anyone having to deal with DV, either as a provider or a survivor.

I'm sorry that he did that to you honey you deserve so much better. I'd really recommend Why does he do That? By Lundy bancroft it can really help you make sense of why he does these things.

Sexual abuse and trauma can definitely affect one's sexuality, even decades later.

Therapy can be so helpful. Are you seeing someone who specializes in helping people recover and heal from sexual abuse?

I often recommend these resources here, because they are so good:

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines