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Have you tried EMDR therapy? it worked wonders for me. Also this book was very helpful to me https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
Just a note that nowadays the SNR is considered to be fight/flight/freeze. Freeze response is just as common in nature but was largely ignored by psychology researchers due to a lack of access to female test subjects, who skew toward freeze more often than fight. I can't recommend The Body Keeps the Score enough, which goes into very deep and well-researched detail regarding trauma, anxiety, depression, and the body's response to it.
I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
r/ptsd
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Yeah, /u/Electr0freak is correct. I have both CPTSD and ADHD. The ADHD presents as my inability to focus on tasks, auditory processing issues, inability to schedule, think or plan for the future, frequent forgetfulness, and inability to manage time. The CPTSD, on the other hand presents as my inability to be in close proximity to people for very long (minutes at a time, tops), due to an instinctive protective mode from blows from others, an acute inability to self-regulate emotions such that if I am having an attack, I hit/punch/elbow, choke, scratch, bite and pull my own hair. I tell people curious about it that the sensation is a hot "cold sweat" and the internal sensation of being held down against my will, and to escape I will do anything, and my body interprets that as "Skin yourself alive. Cut your own throat. Choke yourself to death." That's not ADHD. My brother, also diagnosed with ADHD did not have these symptoms growing up either. I am now taking Lamictal to counter these symptoms, which is an anti-convulsive med used often to treat people with BPD. This is all very recent, the new med is about 3 weeks in and I have never felt better, I never get the body sensations that I was getting causing me to react like that. I'm 29, and have been doing these things since I was 6 or 7, and my father left when I was 5, which I attribute the majority of my emotional self-blame to, followed closely by corporal punishment as a child. Read the book The Body Keeps The Score. If someone thinks CPTSD is not a thing, they're wrong.
I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA
(33F here. I have similar feelings)
I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.
Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.
So this is, uh, a completely separate topic from the whole teenager situation. I'm content just reading everyone else's discussion about it and not contributing to it.
But I found out about a month ago that I have ADHD, so I've naturally been researching everything to do with it. I found this book, and it's a little bit blowing my mind how much harder I've been making getting my place under control. Reading that and then looking at CC'S insta... Imagine how pretty the Tableaux could look if she followed the rule of "inventory must be less than storage"
Can I recommend to you the book Taking Charge of Adult ADHD? Whenever I have any relief from severe depression, this book is my bible. I can scan in a few important pages for you tomorrow if you want, but honestly if you have any bookstores or libraries nearby with a seating area, definitely seek it out and read as much as you can to see if you can read it comfortably (while medicated).
I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828
It might help to understand how a person can “fake” human emotions when deep inside they lack empathy etc..
It’s creepy to encounter people who operate like this.. it’s like the wolf in sheeps clothing.
Hey OP, if you username wasn’t a flag on its own, your post history certainly is. Given that you were recently asking about guns, I don’t think it’s wise for strangers to be opening their homes to you.
As someone who has struggled from extreme depression, I have some idea of the pain you are feeling. Before you make any big decisions, I need you to pick up a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s free with a library card in the LA Public Library system. Get the Libby app and have it the audiobook read to you on your phone.
That book uses a principle known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it’s effective and fast-acting.
Do your parents know you’re suicidal?
- When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life
- Consider seeing a therapist if you can
I'm sorry to hear that her therapy caused her flashbacks that were so bad that she had to quit. I don't know how long ago that was, but could she be convinced to try again? There are a lot of therapists now who specialize in trauma, and they have a lot of good evidence that somatic treatments like EMDR are extremely effective for PTSD and Complex PTSD.
It's only very recently that anyone has had any idea how to treat PTSD, and treatment is improving all the time. Check out The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, it's an excellent overview of how PTSD and trauma affect the body, and the various treatment options.
She definitely needs a trauma therapist, though, especially since she's already had flashbacks. They will start the treatment with helping her grow her emotional resources so that the flashbacks won't overwhelm her. The whole idea is to take it at a manageable pace so it's not terrifying. As someone dealing with Complex PTSD, I can say that trauma therapy has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and also that it's only thing that could possibly help me live my life fully.
I'm sorry to hear that her health is failing. Her life is NOT over in her 60s, she still potentially has many years left, and it must be so hard to see her in despair like this. Hugs for you if you want them. <3
Very much agree. This kid isn’t “FuckingStupid,” she has some form of ADHD.
Honestly, even if the parent/child choose not to go the medication route (a good choice), it’s so helpful to have the diagnosis to get rid of the guilt and shame. Just knowing that “focusing” is going to be a primary challenge, even though most people can do it without trying, is a huge help. Having the freedom to accept that the “easy stuff” isn’t going to be easy is life changing in a good way.
I would not have wanted to be medicated, but if someone had taught me in middle school how to use something like Getting Things Done, I think it would have been a huge help to me in College and my early professional years. I do OK now, but I wish I’d spent my teens developing reasonable planning habits, none of that “put the date the huge project is due into your planner on that date!” bullshit that helps nobody.
Second big change: make sure the physical environment is geared toward an ADHDer. This book is a fucking godsend: https://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Solutions-People-Revised-Updated/dp/1592335128. Seriously, it is just the best. Rule number one: ease of stowage trumps ease of retrieval. Bear that one thing in mind when organizing and planning physical spaces, and 70% of the frustrations of day-to-day life with ADHD just go away.
I think the next change, to the “ADHD” diagnosis will be to add the slash into the acronym (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder for AD/HD) because hyperactivity is not always present. The next change will be getting rid of that last D, because it’s not a disorder so much as a difference that those who have it need to take into account.
I’m honestly not sure if we aren’t in our own way more suited to life in Consumer Culture and Attention Economy land. At least we feel the pain and anxiety right away rather than “powering through it” and bottling it up.
I started Dialectical Behavior Therapy when my PTSD got unmanageable and it really helped. I like this workbook because it lets me do work to get better even when I am between therapists.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684034582/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_cKDgFbXXCR9A6
A fantastic book that everyone should read: Feeling Good (the new mood therapy) by David Burns M.D. is all about this subject. It talks about bibliotherapy, therapy through reading self-help books, and cognitive practice, essentially, you are what you think.
If you can figure out your thoughts, and figure out why you're having these thoughts, you can work to change these thinking habits. Meditation is the authoritative tool for this in general, but the book has exercises and scientifically backed practices that have been proven to be just as if not more effective than drugs, and longer lasting. Check it out, it's worth your time.
One thing that helped me with my anxiety issues was doing the exercises in the David Burns book "When Panic Attacks." It's basically cognitive therapy that you self-administer through doing simple written exercises. Because you do it yourself, it's free and available to you at any time.
This is the book: (not an affiliate link):
https://www.amazon.com/When-Panic-Attacks-Drug-Free-Anxiety/dp/076792083X
Good luck.
Check out the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's a pretty useful in identifying ways in which we can change the way we feel by changing our thoughts, among other things. It's helping me work out my anxiety/tendency to be depressed, ect.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
This is mentioned in the book about trauma called The Body Keeps the Score. The author points out that even though memories can be fabricated, the visceral terror that goes along with true trauma cannot be faked. Find the book here.
Exactly. A key component of trauma is helplessness. When something bad happens, and you have a way to respond, it greatly reduces the chance of long-term post-traumatic stress. This was one of the big takeaways from reading <em>The Body Keeps The Score</em>, which is a great look at causes and treatments of PTSD.
Even pre-disaster, prepping has been a great way for me to combat anxiety. Instead of worrying, I prepare, and I can better accept the things I can't prepare for.
>I definitely thought it was curious when literally all the people with BPD I interviewed in med school had some form of childhood trauma.
yeah it's basically a per-requisite for BPD- something like high 40's to mid 70's % of people with BPD report that they were sexually abused as children, and low 20's to high 70's % report they were physically abused.
i personally can't remember my trauma because i am selectively amnesic in response to traumatic / stressful / emotionally painful stuff- like if i get into an argument with my girlfriend or my mom or something, i won't remember it an hour later. childhood and most of school / highschool [which i graduated 3 years ago] basically does not exist in my memory.
i've had people who've 'wondered' about my trauma and how it must be 'fucked up' or 'very horrible' and i cannot tell them- while most of them can either remember what happened to them normally, or through the use of whatever you call psychiatrist assisted hypnosis [there's a word for it that i don't know]
>If you know of any literature on the subject I'd be interested to read it
there's a lot of stuff that is easily googled on the subject but i personally do not have anything specific to BPD on hand. i saw something relating to trauma a few days ago on the subject of specifically CPTSD / PTSD: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk.
the book apparently talks about the history of trauma diagnosis and misdiagnosis with the regards to the DSM, why people with CPTSD / PTSD / people with trauma behave the way they do or in certain ways, has a lot of case studies, and information on healing for people with trauma.
might read it when i am not on a big OSRS grind
>I really don't know what I am doing wrong. She makes me out to be a sex-crazed monster when all I want is to have an intimate moment with my partner.
You probably arent doing anything "wrong". Abusers know what you want and withhold that from you to gain a position of power and control over you. To make you change and behave how they want you to behave in order to get to the goal post, then they move the posts. Its part of how the cycle of abuse works. And why its more like brainwashing and conditioning.
You cant change her. You cant make her trauma better. The only person that can do that is her. She has to take responsibility and accountability for her actions. I would recommend that you read Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. It can help you to understand the way she is treating you is because of her not because of your actions or choices. That you are being used as a punching bag for how she feels. And you cant make that stop. You cant control that. You cant fix her. Love does not fix people. They have to take responsibility for themselves. Its the only way that works. And it takes time. I know thats now what we want. And its not fair, really, that a victim has to go through this part too, but trauma has to be treated like any other condition.
Buy this and read it https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321
Arguing with a bpd doesn't lead anywhere. There is no reason for you to fight for a full week. Seriously, read the book. Then decide what you want to do. You deserve better.
She does exhibit some borderline traits. Amd gear of abandonment is a big one. A reaction that is exaggerated for the situation (like 500 angry text messages bc of 1 missed call.)
Keeping your boundaries firm is important. DBT is great for Borderline. It was created by a therapist who was diagnosed as Borderline.
Here's a self help workbook based on DBT strategies. Might help you cope. Hopefully, you can get her to see a psychiatrist if she isn't already.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684034582/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_R9734HGECMVJJ46T0S6N
My depression was caused by a medication I was on, but I suffered a lot even after I got off of it. Here are some tools that I wished I had (I was 15 at the time and had very little support):
- A therapist
- The book When Panic Attacks by David Burns (AMAZING!!)
- Vitamin D supplements (when you're holed up in a basement for a year this really would have made a difference)
- A good B Complex vitamin
- Someone to exercise (or even walk) with. Exercise gets me out of my head and releases emotions stored in my body.
- Future Self Journalling - I kept a diary as a kid but was never consistent and all I'd do is complain about my life and my parents. Sure it might have been somewhat helpful but all it did was keep me in a negative space. Future Self Journalling helps to create new neural pathways in your brain (if you do it consistently) allowing you to believe good things about yourself and the future - then your decisions unconsciously follow that path you've created (that wasn't a very good description of how this works, but, you know...).
- Anyone to listen to me talk about how I felt without judgement or suggestions. Just be there to give me emotional support. It's something I needed so badly and didn't get.
So previously the diagnosis was split into ADD and ADHD, as far as i understand, but it's now an ADHD diagnosis that can fall under innatentive type, hyperactive type, or the multi type like you and I. There's some really great books on ADHD on this list here as well as this one my psychologist recommended
in the short term, i've found the short comics made by ADHD alien (posted on twitter and their website under that name) really helpful for understanding some of my experiences. I've only been officially diagnosed for about a year and a half, and it's been a crazy learning curve. I still have a massive 'OH!' moment about once a month where something new clicks into place about why i'm Like That.
I hope you find something that makes sense for you though, and if you need to talk about anything feel free to inbox me :)
Read this if you haven't, it will help a little bit: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321
It's quite sad for them. There's no denying that. They never asked to have that disorder.
For me, this one did the trick or at least made me understand
As someone who overcame severe depression and was on 200mg of Zoloft at one point in my life...you need to get professional help for yourself. First and foremost: take care of YOU. You won't be able to help dogs until you help yourself and you need to do it because YOU ARE WORTH THAT.
That doesn't mean quit Wag. That means prioritizing you so you can work as you get better (and work on yourself). The only thing that helped me was therapist who specialized in depression, anxiety, and PTSD (my issues). Here is a book that helped me (used in conjunction with therapy- it is somewhat of a workbook since it has exercises):
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
I would still walk dogs as I got help as it's good for you to make money to help support yourself and it's good to get outside and not lock yourself up indoors (makes your depression worse). The exercise and dogs will help. I would place that second to the therapy. Focus should be on that. It isn't hopeless. It feels hopeless because that's what depression does. If you have supportive family, reach out to them too.
FWIW, that lady is a bitch. Don't worry about her. She doesn't matter and she is probably miserable in her own life. I'm sensitive too, but just let it go and if it helps wish her to get hemorrhoids (I do this for fellow assholes I encounter..makes me feel better anyway lol)
A "successful relationship" with a pwBPD means a calm one, extraordinarily rarely does it mean a supportive romantic partnership. Is that what you're wanting for the rest of your life, to take care of someone who is ill while never having your needs met? Whether you would say yes or no, I'd highly recommend reading this book, which will help you set the necessary boundaries to have a baseline relationship:
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1442238321/
Nope, had some anxiety (because of heart palpitations) and doctor suggested talking to a psychologist and oh hey we have one right here. Garden variety behavioral therapy.
No one mentioned it was $1000 an hour until I got a bill 2 months later.
The only memorable thing I got out of it was a recommendation for a book: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 which appears to be the beginner's guide to do-it-yourself cognitive behavior therapy.