Yes, I remember that to, I think I read that in some book. It is both funny and a little bit scary how easily they can out put us into categories.
Edit: The book i read it in is called Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
Understanding what leads to political polarization is a first step in building bridges. The moral psychology research exploring the moral differences between political and religious ideologies is explored in the book <em>The Righteous Mind</em> by Jonathan Haidt, and it is often used by non-partisan citizen groups (such as Citizens' Climate Lobby) as a model for building multipartisan coalitions.
eta: links, author of book
You've got some heavy shit to deal with. Lots of serious situations, all going down at the same time. I can offer some perspectives & procedures that have helped me, and maybe help you.
1- You are NOT your thoughts. Your thoughts are instantaneous electro-chemical impulses that are so transitory, they can barely be said to exist. They will rise. They will fall away.
They're like a massive cascading waterfall- the trick is to position yourself behind the waterfall
2- Acknowledge your feelings. Allow them to pass. The physiological effects of emotions on your body can be profound- but even the strongest ones pass in moments. Unless you continue to regenerate them. "Noting"... the act of recognizing a thought or emotion... is often enough to dispel it. Note what you're feeling in a depersonalized way ("That's anger", "That's anxiety"... NOT "I'm angry" or "I'm anxious").
3- Focus on what you CAN control, Accept what you can't. This is one of the pillars of Stoicism. There's no profit in getting twisted up about things you can't change. Viktor Frankl said that even in the worst situation, each individual has the ultimate power, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way"
4- The Obstacle is the Way Understand that every crisis, every hardship, is an opportunity to develop some other virtue. Patience, Endurance, Compassion, Courage, Resourcefulness... skills that would lie dormant unless you were challenged.
5- See things as they are, not as you wish, not as you fear. Optimism and Pessimism are for suckers. Realism is the way to go. Your fortunes will rise and fall. Determine that no matter what happens, you'll be able to handle it, with competence and dignity.
I wish you well.
Bra tekst, men det er flere faktorer her, og dette er ikke særnorsk; vi er uten tvil del av en vestlig trend. F.eks. så snudde nedgangen i selvmordsrate i USA rundt år 2000 og har steget hvert år etter det. Selvmord blant unge jenter har virkelig økt de siste årene, og de starter nesten å ta igjen guttene.
Jonathan Haidt har skrevet en veldig interessant bok om disse trendene.
Faktorene som nevnes er bl.a. endring i barneoppdragelse til mer overbeskyttende foreldre, mindre uorganisert lek uten oppsyn, og sist, men ikke minst, fremveksten av sosiale medier.
Resultatet blir at en stor gruppe ungdommer ikke har lært seg å takle motgang, ikke har lært seg konflikthåndtering, og i tillegg er psykologisk nedbrutt av å ha levd de formative årene på sosiale medier.
Hjelper vel heller ikke at disse ungdommene vokser opp i en Verden som blir mer ustabil og segmentert, og hvor effekten av klimaendringene begynner å bli synlige.
Det hjelper vel heller ikke at de vokser opp i et sekulært og nihilistisk samfunn med enormt fokus på individualisme/hedonisme. De får ingen hjelp fra religion eller ideologi, de må selv finne en mening i en kaotisk Verden.
Vanligvis skal vel vi gamlinger se ned på nyere generasjoner og skryte over hvor hardt vi hadde det, men slik situasjonen er nå ser det ut som GenZ kommer til å ha mye hardere liv enn oss. Iallfall vi som er millenials som akkurat slapp unna SoMe i ungdomstiden.
This is not about thinking. There have been studies showing that education can make you better at defending incorrect information.
We spread and defend incorrect information because it reinforces a pre-existing bias, often subconscious. Information that is shared virally tends to align with one of humanity's trigger points:
When we focus on intelligence, we are demonstrating the Democratic bias toward rules. Education = competence = success. The Republican brain wants to reward personal exceptionalism. "I succeeded, not because of how hard I worked, but because of who I am."
If we don't understand these triggers, we will continue to be manipulated by them.
Edit: thanks very much to my anonymous gilder, but the ideas are cribbed from Jonathan Haidt's work. Highly recommend you check out either his book or his TED talk.
Great book on this called "On Killing - the Psychological Costs of Learning to Kill in War and Society
On Killing - Amazon UK
It explores killing in war through history and the effects, largely linked to proximity of the kill, had detrimental effects on the killer.
Some notable facts about the book that I can remember after reading it 10 years ago:
Knife/Bayonett kills, though exceptionally rare in more recent wars, had the most devastating effects. Soldiers cited as feeling a man's last breath had a big hurdle to climb.
American soldiers in WWII were exceptionally bad shots, especially when shooting Germans. Turns out most Americans didn't want to kill people, even during the heroic march to victory. All-time terrible percentage of shooting.
War attracts psychopaths and make up something like 5% of combatants who are out to kill and not the norm.
If you are interested in this topic I highly recommend the book. Things I read have stayed with me and it never surprises me how much this topic comes up in conversation.
Dude, hate to break it, but high school never ends.
Wait 'till you get in the workplace.
But MGTOW gives you power.
Also read 48 Laws of Power. Lots of good advice.
Finding purpose and direction.
Check out this book. It's by a psychologist who was imprisoned in Auschwitz who made it his purpose while there to understand (and teach) what helps people through hopeless adversity.
You might be interested in The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt which has to do with the moral psychology of the left and right.
The main gist of the book is that people have several different hard wired foundations for morality... things that we are predisposed by human psychology to see as good vs. evil. He tentatively identified five of them as: Care/Harm, Fairness/Cheating, Loyalty/Betrayal, Authority/Subversion, and Sanctity/Degradation (and he later added another: Liberty/Oppression). He ran a variety of studies to get people to rank how important each of these foundations were to them and discovered that people on the left prioritized Care/Harm over all others (Fairness/Cheating was also important to leftists but less so... the other three were not important at all). The right surprisingly was almost as compassionate ranking Care/Harm only slightly lower than the left did but they ranked all others much higher to the point where all five (and later six) moral foundations are ranked roughly equally in the right wing world view. In instances where left and right disagree there is almost always one or more of the other moral foundations which the right is balancing against compassion and which the left is disregarding as unimportant.
The book is of course much more involved that that discussing where and how he came up with his thesis, the experiments he did and his speculation about the social utility of each of the moral foundations and why they appear to be hard-wired in our heads and changes he made to his theory along the way. It's definitely worth reading.
You should check out this book The Coddling of the American Mind. It talks about just this! There's basically three untruths that people are clinging to: (1) what doesn't kill you makes you weaker, (2) always trust your feelings, and (3) life is a battle between good and bad people. There's this mentality that everyone is so inherently fragile that we must be protected all the time. Couple this with the fact that people conflate their feelings with reality. This is the exact opposite of what cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches people who are recovering from anxiety disorders. Just because you think something is scary/wrong, doesn't mean it actually is.
I agree that just a u-turn back to the Hard Knocks method probably isn't right, but we need to teach people that it's OK to feel uncomfortable and anxious sometimes. It isn't always reality and it's rarely the end of the world.
Hey, no problem: Here's a couple I really enjoyed that helped me learn how to really articulate what I think and understand what others were saying about politics in those sorts of discussions:
It's incredibly rare for people to be reasonable nowadays, especially on the internet.
Being reasonable and measured makes it very difficult to feel/signal virtuous and self-righteous and better than anyone else - and people do seek that sort of reward, especially in increasingly emotional societies. The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Prof. Jonathan Haidt addresses this and why that addictive feeling of self-righteousness often drives people to zealotry and extreme positions - they want to be seen as "pure" and "uncompromising". It used to be typical adolescent/teenager behaviour but it's becoming increasingly generalized in adults.
Religion probably served a really important evolutionary function, as well, by ensuring social cohesion around a shared set of beliefs and identities, allowing for tight group bonding which gave some groups a selective advantage. Of course, in today's world this can actually become harmful- particularly when the shared beliefs require a suspension of the sort of objective and reasoned thinking necessary to function in this modern society, or when they inform or motivate antisocial economic or political activities- but I'm not sure it's fair to say that humanity would be better off without it. Maybe on net today, but it's also possible that we may have relied on it in our evolutionary past.
Source, a wonderful book which can really aid in understanding those with whom our worldviews disagree.
These are 2 of the books he recommended/required all of his top level people to read:
Don’t make health and fitness goals, make health and fitness habits. There is a big difference
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones [link]
The best book to read as a developer is The Design of Everyday Things. If every developer read it, the software world would be a better place.
> In a study I did with Jesse Graham and Brian Nosek, we tested how well liberals and conservatives could understand each other. We asked more than two thousand American visitors to fill out the Moral Foundations Qyestionnaire. One-third of the time they were asked to fill it out normally, answering as themselves. One-third of the time they were asked to fill it out as they think a “typical liberal” would respond. One-third of the time they were asked to fill it out as a “typical conservative” would respond. This design allowed us to examine the stereotypes that each side held about the other. More important, it allowed us to assess how accurate they were by comparing people’s expectations about “typical” partisans to the actual responses from partisans on the left and the right)’ Who was best able to pretend to be the other?
> The results were clear and consistent. Moderates and conservatives were most accurate in their predictions, whether they were pretending to be liberals or conservatives. Liberals were the least accurate, especially those who described themselves as “very liberal.” The biggest errors in the whole study came when liberals answered the Care and Fairness questions while pretending to be conservatives. When faced with questions such as “One of the worst things a person could do is hurt a defenseless animal” or ”Justice is the most important requirement for a society,” liberals assumed that conservatives would disagree. If you have a moral matrix built primarily on intuitions about care and fairness (as equality), and you listen to the Reagan [i.e., conservative] narrative, what else could you think? Reagan seems completely unconcerned about the welfare of drug addicts, poor people, and gay people. He’s more interested in fighting wars and telling people how to run their sex lives.
They sit directly in front of us (we go middle/aisle with them in middle aisle in front of us). Because youngest is "6 and under", we get family boarding still.
In terms of "Chester", I don't fear that at all. Are some people weird? Sure. But the odds of "Chester" having the seat next to my kids is so infinitesimally small it's not something I concern myself with.
<em>The Coddling of the American Mind</em> by Jonathan Haidt (the same guy who wrote The Righteous Mind) is a must read for parents. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Here is their Atlantic Article that was the primer for the book; but the book is significantly better and addresses over-coddling/overprotection of kids much more in depth than this article (which focuses primarily on the academics).
Far far less often.
Immediacy, more comprehensive reporting, and the complete lack of any kind of geographic filtration just make it seem like things are getting worse, when it is in fact the exact opposite. There's plenty of good statistical analysis to back it up, but the easier solution is to just pick up a copy of 'Better angels of our nature' by Stephen Pinker. It does a good job of breaking down the trends on different comparative perspectives, analyzing different interpretations of the data, and highlighting the most compelling conclusions we can draw from it: [link]
When I was growing up, we didn't really hear much about most murders or other violent crimes any further away than the next town over...
Thats exactly where this quote is from. What makes it even more powerful is that this thought is in response to being sent to a concentration camp to die.
If Frankl could maintain this mentality while being worked to near death and having to constantly outsmart gestapo, no one here has any valid excuse as to why they can't cultivate that same mindset.
Seriously, everyone get this book. Its like 200 pages (if that) of some of the most compelling writing you'll ever read.
Commonality of design.
Both are objects meant for throwing by hand. It would follow there is an ideal size for handheld thrown objects, and therefore handheld thrown objects would be the same size.
Same reason doors you push and doors you pull have different handles and it feels wrong when the wrong handle is used for the wrong side.
Read The Design of Everyday Things to learn more.
Se está interessado em se aprofundar no assunto de por que violência aumenta ou diminui. Sugiro ler esse livro do Steven Pinker que é referência mundial no assunto.
O livro foca mais no cenário global como um todo. Aonde a violência está diminuindo na média. Mas reconhece que em alguns focos na América latina violência está indo em direção contrária.
O livro é extremamente extenso, a explicação não é simples, são diversos fatores diferentes. Mas uma das teclas que ele bate bastante e nos parece bem familiar no Brasil, é um Estado ineficiente na área de segurança. Apesar de alguns políticos populistas estarem apelando pra sugestão de que deveria ser responsabilidade de cada indivíduo se defender sozinho. O que o livro mostra é que historicamente a evidência é bem forte de que quem faz segurança é a polícia. Os estados brasileiros aonde a polícia está mal paga, com greves, paralisações, é justamente aonde estão os piores focos de violência.
There is a great book about this. The Power of Habit. I recommend it for someone that is trying to understand why you can’t stop doing dumb shit you know is bad for you.
> If we all just fuck off to do our own thing and leave idiotic and/or dangerous claims undisputed, shit's going to hit the fan even sooner and harder.
I have a book recommendation for you:
THE RIGHTEOUS MIND by Jonathan Haidt
As someone left of center and an environmentalist.... Free markets and enlightenment values have lifted humanity out of squalor and superstition into modern day lives of plenty and comfort. Check out Steven Pinker's works if you don't believe me.
As long as we bring both to Mars with us, we'll be fine.
Exactly. I like how this is described by Carol Dweck in the book Mindset.
Loosing self worth after failure is sign of wrong fixed mindset while people with good growth mindset see then as learning oportunity.
This book called Atomic Habits is about this subject. It explains how habits work and how you can create simple strategies to improve your habits by taking advantage of how your brain works. Could be interesting if you want to improve this area of your live.
I'll second that, and add that porn can be not only an addiction but also a habit, which means that there are hacks you can implement to short-circuit the cue/craving/response/reward cycle that leads to porn consumption and addiction. For example if you notice that you tend to consume porn when you are working alone and feeling lonely (the cue), then when you notice the craving start you can choose a different behavior --- call up someone for a conversation, or just immediately pack up and head to a public space to continue working where you can be around other people.
I highly recommend as a first step to read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and/or Atomic Habits by James Clear ad keep "the pornography habit" in mind when you do. Either of those two books will be of help to you in a larger sense as you progress toward your goals.
I highly suggest reading On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Dave Grossman. It gives excellent insight into how the military desensitizes people to killing and the effects it has had on soldiers, past and present.
"on killing" by Dave Grossman provides a lot of insight to this. Exceptional read On Killing
Just read this:
Amazon.fr - The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and ...
They took the whole structure from there. Then use anything you want to follow the habit.
I used to read that subreddit back in 2013 when I was going through a particularly difficult time with my mother. She's mentally ill and was abusive towards my father and I was considering going "no contact" with her (which is a term used in that community to refer to fully breaking ties with someone). My mom is self-centered and unable to empathize with others and I thought that subreddit could help.
There were some legit posters who also seemed to understand how narcissists behave (they have traits like making very fast friendships and also dividing everyone in their life into rigid "with me" or "against me" camps). That was then, in 2013, and I only read it for maybe 4 months. There was also an undercurrent of victimology among some posters who were looking for people to blame for their own unhappiness. It's one thing to be dealing with a narcissist who you live with or who you're married to -- that's a big problem if you find yourself in conflict with them, fighting with a narcissist is scorched earth stuff -- but once you've "escaped" your npd parent and are an adult, it's time to assume responsibility for dealing with it and moving on. Some people prefer not to move on because they don't want to bare any responsibility because doing so means accepting that at least some of their unhappiness might be their own fault.
I just checked out the subreddit again now and it's fairly unrecognizable from its 2013 version. Yikes. My guess is that the SJW problem has gotten a lot worse in the last 5 years and so the balance of power in the subreddit has tilted decidedly in favor of newer, younger victim-minded posters. Jonathan Haidt's new book should deal with some of these trends in child rearing and socialization.
What are your thoughts about the current generation of emerging adults having poor resiliency and self-regulation skills, and its impact on mood disorders? This has been suggested in some recent pop-psych books, such as <em>The Coddling of the American Mind</em>. What do you think can be done to combat this?
I'm sorry? Wars in the past were way more horrific and casualties were significantly higher than they are now, we are living in one of the most peaceful eras in history.
Here is a good book that discusses this exact subject.
I was you, about two years ago. I had fully committed to being a great dad and a great husband, but had stopped developing as an individual. Figuring that out is an excellent first step to, as you said, getting your life back in balance.
Here are two books that helped me:
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: It's a short book by a Holocaust survivor that deals with controlling your attitude at all times, and having perspective on where you are compared to where you want to be.
A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine: A good modern take on Stoicism, or the philosophy of taking life in stride. Contrary to common belief, it's not about eschewing all emotions and being joyless; it's about embracing joy in all things, acknowledging and preparing for grief but not letting them overwhelm you, and being mentally present in day-to-day life. Plan for the future, but don't forget to take joy in the small moments of the present.
Edited in links.
As someone in tech, these interviews don't really test smarts, programming skills, or IQ. Just that you can grind leetcode.
Tech interviews are all really just a game with a huge amount of luck involved. Sometimes you get all problems you've heard before with lenient interviews, sometimes you get a bunch of leetcode hards with interviewers who expect you to write a proof before solving it. I definitely wouldn't consider someone smarter or dumber then me based on how they did in an interview.
It's tough after a rejection but it's good that you're going to keep applying. Time is on your side and Google will probably be knocking on your door again in 6 to 9 months anyway.
As far as impostor syndrome I'd recommend reading this book [link]
It barely mentions impostor syndrome specifically but the skills taught in it are almost directly related.
I'm not sure about those "poor results"?
Violence is lower than ever. Unless you count exceptions like Baltimore, which we are not allowed to talk about.
I think abortion should be legal and widely available. But it's at an all time low. Birth control is getting better.
It's not a study so much as a thesis that analyzes many different studies, but I would highly recommend Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature as a jumping off point.
I think this is actually a very big deal and something I try to pay attention to as a parent. When you praise your kid for "being smart", that becomes their identity, and once they hit something they don't understand they feel their identity threatened. If you instead praise your kid for their hard work, then learning hard stuff just becomes a matter of more hard work.
This is obviously a gross oversimplification, but check out a woman named Carol Dweck for more on this.
That's a Reader's Digest version where most people start and end. It's widely disseminated and talked about. I've never met a single person in my life who was interested in such things though who didn't have some underlying selfish drive for it. Not excluding myself from that at all. If you start practicing these things, it will accentuate and draw out those traits more and more. You should always keep in mind what is truly most important in life.
Hey friend, you should read this book.
I feel like reciting the usual tropes about viewing 'others' as a threat rather than extended family, hierarchy & authority vs individual expression, resistance to change & so on is unhelpful at this point. Are you looking for something in a particular direction? Jonathan Haidt wrote the book on this, although I tend to get dragged if I bring him up around liberals.
Gotta recommend probably my favorite book for staying on track: Atomic Habits by James Clear. It goes over a lot of methods described here, as well as so many other useful strategies. The author really breaks down how good habits are formed and reinforced, but also how bad habits can be broken. 10/10 ADHD Recommend
There is a thing called mindset. Carol Dweck has spent most of her career dedicated to this topic. There is a growth mindset and there is a fixed mindset. I won't try to explain it when it has been explained already.
growth vs fixed mindset
Carol Dwech's book on Amazon
Learning about this growth mindset was a turning point in my career. I am a better person and am growing in my career.
La neta se ve que te has esforzado y has dedicado tiempo en tu post, además, pediste crítica constructiva.
Lo más importante es distinguir los usos del por qué, porque y porqué, pues los empleas mucho a lo largo del post.
En términos generales, si te late la onda de la escritura, el mejor libro de gramática que conozco es este, sin bromear.
Por último, échale un ojo, de menos, a este libro, sí te interesa hablar de estrategias, objetivos, metas y hábitos, para que tengas más información y puedas hacer buen uso de ella antes de recomendarla.
Espero que estos comentarios te sirvan.
Conservative lurker here: Assume conservatives are reasonable people with rational reasons for believing the things they believe. Listen to those reasons and debate them from there. Don't assume your ideas are self-evidently true and that only people who are stupid or have bad motives can disagree.
Also realize that a lot of political debate is driven by disagreements that go deeper than policy to moral values or beliefs about human nature. Disagreements over such fundamental premises bubble up into disagreements about particular policies but can't be resolved at that level because the real disagreement is about something deeper.
Queen of the millennials here (I'm 38). My thoughts:
1) Millennials and younger in general emphasize following the rules and operating within defined parameters. Remember when some 'inspirational speaker' would ask "Who here plans to go to college?" and literally every kid would raise their hand? Like, come on, not everyone will, or should, go to college but we were fed propaganda that this was the ONLY path we should take.
2) Intense focus on "safety-ism" as defined in The Coddling of the American Mind: "safetyism as a culture or belief system in which safety (which includes "emotional safety") has become a sacred value, which means that people become unwilling to make trade-offs demanded by other practical and moral concerns".
3) It seems like millennials and younger put more value on social cohesion and conflict avoidance. So rather than question whether masks work (safety!) and if lockdowns are the answer (if we just do this, we'll be ok!), they are compliant and believe that if everyone does what they are told, everything will be fine.
The OP is 100% on the mark, folks. People underestimate how hard wired we are for habits. A wonderfully easy read really drives this home and provides a lot of great information on how to fundamentally change your life in better ways.
Thanks for the shout out. This is a very important topic to me and I'm glad to see others interest as well.
Other countries seem to put more of an emphasis on education, unfortunately, America doesn't, and it will be it's undoing. As an educated populace drives technological superiority which determines which country is the super power. The Chinese, culturally understand this.
The American system is what I call a managed democracy, powers that be have no interest of having an educated population capable of critical thinking to spot and stop corruption.
There is a great book I would like to recommend. Mindset by Carol Dweck. (Sorry for the shill, I'm not Carol I promise. ) Leading researcher in human motivation. She talks a lot about how people learn and how to restructure our education system so the younger generation may thrive.
I hope we can find a solution to get people to value education, a lot do, but a lot don't. I think that will change with self driving cars and 14% of the population is suddenly out of work. This I think will provide a tipping point.
It's never good to count your eggs before they hatch, but post MOASS this will be a charitable endeavor of mine. I hope that we can work together for the betterment of humanity.
Yes, but those things can be turned around. You can develop new habits to replace the old ones.
You might be interested in this book. It's an easy read and it's helped me a lot.
Or not. Feel free to tell me to buzz off and I'll catch up with you again in the GDT.
Here's an interesting book on the subject (sorry Amazon link - no affiliation!)
>The good news is that most soldiers are loath to kill. But armies have developed sophisticated ways of overcoming this instinctive aversion. And contemporary civilian society, particularly the media, replicates the army's conditioning techniques, and, according to Lt. Col. Dave Grossman's thesis, is responsible for our rising rate of murder among the young.
Then you teach them to understand intention, and not be indoctrinated by safetyism and grow up into insecure adults.
You should really check this book out. It should answer (or attempt to answer) these questions for you.
Jonathan Haidt is brilliant. Look up some of his stuff on YouTube as well, if you're so inclined.
Leia o livro "The Better Angels of Our Nature" do Steven Pinker
Foi indicado pelo Bill Gates em um Gates Notes. O impressionante é o cara mostrar, com dados científicos e históricos que no momento atual, mesmo com toda a merda que vemos diariamente e mundialmente, estamos em um dos momentos mais pacíficos possíveis.
Ouais. Je suis en train de lire un livre qui parle de cette nouvelle "culture" de l'annulation et de l'hypersensibilité des jeunes adultes gauchistes, d'un point de vue psychologique. C'est américain, mais ça déteint sur toute la planète bien entendu, et encore plus au Canada (et au Qc) américanisé. Son livre est fascinant, ça explique pas mal la politique de gauche ultra libérale actuelle.
Selon sa théorie 3 faux principes gèrent les jeunes (principalement) actuellement:
1 - La non vérité de la fragilité : ce qui ne te tue pas te rend plus faible
2 - La non vérité du raisonement émotionel : fait toujours confiance à tes émotions
3 - La non vérité de nous contre eux : la vie est une bataille entre les bons et les méchants
Écoute avec des réflexions du genre tu n'iras pas loin dans la vie, d'où le titre de son livre ...
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time and wish you all the best.
Man’s Search For Meaning
The Stoic Challenge
I’ve read many books that I think could help but I’ll start by recommending these based off what you have said.
The Design of Everyday Things by Don Norman is a really good general design resource.
In fact, doors that are ambiguous in the direction in which they open are named "Norman Doors" after him.
There are some interesting theories about this. Many argue that humans are predisposed to believe in supernatural things. There is also some evidence that a group that believes a common set of supernatural things may be more highly cohesive and therefore more likely to thrive and survive. (I just finished The Righteous Mind, which is absolutely fabulous, and it talks about this.)
For whatever reason, when I read the question, this book came to mind.
Greens's fairly popular Book 48 Laws of Power is better for instructional manual on how to be a ~~sociopath~~ organizational leader.
And Rules for Radicals and The Prince are both better summarized and made mainstream in The Dictator's Handbook.
I'm about two chapters into The Righteous Mind https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777 and I think your psychiatrist is right on the money. You cannot reason with Qs. At least not right out the gate. They don't work like that. Nobody works like that but especially Qs. We are attached to a myth of ourselves as rational beings and its absolute nonsense. We feel then rationalize after the fact. Changing our minds is actually a process of reconditioning how we respond to different things in our social, informational, and material environment.
Something about Q or the wider world they are living in has triggered a profound fight or flight instinct in the Qs and you cannot reason them out of it until you calm them down, somehow. Which is likely to be an extended process of social change involving long, slow, subtle changes to the world around them to where they feel they have the security to start questioning and overturning truths that were previously held very deeply. Something has to change in their perception of the world to cause them to experience mistrust of Q coded information. In the long run there may be hope that a feeling of isolation and alienation from friends and family will make the experience of engaging with Q stuff too disheartening but there's always the risk that QAnon simply fills the void left by the alienated social network with a social network of loyal Qs.
Poverty of the mind is worse than poverty of the bank account
The best way is to understand that life isn't fair and that you need to fight for what you have in this world.
If you really have a novel idea (which I'd be surprised if you do), then you protect yourself from the legal side.
Make sure that you have good counsel and know how to fight for what is yours.
At the end of the day, if you cannot protect what is created and fight for ownership in a company you founded it never really belonged to you.
Ideas are a dime a dozen. Execution and luck are where it is at. And part of execution is retaining control while growing.
Now if you truly want to figure out how to be a political animal, here's something for you to read.
A couple reputable psychologists wrote a really interesting book on this not too long ago. According to them, a lot of the things we're seeing about triggers, safe spaces, and 'violence' through speech are a direct result of the coddling of children starting around 1996. It may even contribute to the current political polarization in that the younger generations never learned to accept hardship or unfairness as a natural part of life, and as a result feel entitled to receiving a world they perceive as fair without any amount of compromise.
Adding for a further resource and reference, an excellent Ted Talk by Steven Pinker on the surprising decline of violence
Also, I cannot recommend highly enough his book, The Better Angels of Our Nature - Why Violence Has Declined If you want a book that is chock full of stats that can just straight up nuke the entirety of WT’s narrative about the state of the world, this is THE book for that.
this book changed the way I think about politics and people.
You’re sweet to ask on behalf of your niece! Good luck
Expanding on this, do yourself a favor and read Atomic Habits if you haven't yet. Just because you didn't start on 1/1 doesn't mean you've failed anything. You need to reshape what success means to you.
Well how do you define "best"?
For me, it means somebody focused on:
However, this list will look very different for other folks. So the "best" candidate for me may not be in the top 3 for you. That's fine, it's how democracy works.
The end result of hundreds of millions of Americans narrowing down the pool of candidates to one person for each party ultimately means that we end up with somebody who only sorta pleases each of us- the candidate who's most squarely in the middle of all our interests. There's simply no way to make all of us happy at the same time.
Add in the fact that very few Americans actually take the time to learn even the basics about economics, history, geopolitics, social issues, basic sciences, etc, let alone advanced perspectives required to compare and contrast differing and nuanced arguments, and it's easy to see why we end up with pretty "meh" candidates on the left.
For those on the right, moral values tend to dominate. So complex, nuanced policy debates matter far less. Conservatives tend to value social cohesion more than liberals, so rallying behind a single candidate, regardless of their ideological or policy agenda, is simply easier. Liberals always have the harder battle to fight in this regard.
I definitely am not an expert but I love MMM and he did an article on it where he laid out five steps: Mr Money Mustache: A Lifetime of Riches – Is it as Simple as a Few Habits?
He also recommended this book: [link]
I can't say I've read the book as I still have established a consistent reading habit like I would like to do. ;) But, it's well reviewed on Amazon.
I'm glad you feel helped. Some more quick thoughts -- focus on the improvement but don't forget to continue to continue to improve and refine your practices. The ability to focus your thoughts and change your patterns is a skill, like any other. Don't expect to be great at focusing your thoughts on your progress right away, but with sustained & deliberate effort you can change yourself for the better. Just as you HAD a habit of PMOing you have a habit of negative thinking. You can change it. I found The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Amazon) (YouTube) to be extremely helpful here.
Also, the idea is not that you write a million contingency plans for PMO but that you make sure you have alternatives that are easy to remember, easy to do, easy to see the inherent value of, and easy to enjoy. Then you've really primed yourself every day for success.
How target specificallydoes this is each card used for a payment is given a unique ID in their system. Every item and purchase is tracked and recorded. With this much information they can sometimes work backwards.
They noticed that women who later purchases baby items had their purchases change around 6-7 months before hand. They will stop buying scented items, because often times they may be nauseating to a pregnant woman or they will start to purchase more vitamins.
In this specific instance target saw the trend starting in a 16-17 year old girl. So they began sending her coupons to her house for baby items.
The father saw this and got very upset and complained about it all the way up to corporate, only to have the daughter later confess that she was pregnant. Target will still do this, but will but the coupons for baby things amongst coupons for many other items to disguise it.
This story is discuss in the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
This is also one of the reasons why Target began offering 5% off on purchases made with their credit or debit cards. So instead in four unique ID’s for one person all their purchase are made under one.
It does have a bit of that “too good to be true” aspect to it, but it has a few traceable details.
It also has a definitive origin; it’s not just something “doing the rounds.” New York Times Magazine first reported it in 2012, saying statistician Andrew Pole, who was employed by Target to develop the technique, heard about it from the manager of a Target in Milwaukee. Ideally, the reporter would have confirmed this with the manager at that Target, but Target refused to cooperate with the story — while not denying it happened. The author of that article later published a book that includes the anecdote and has been well-reviewed.
But who would correct it? If it is made up, no one can prove it DIDN’T happen, and I do think claims that are both unproven and infalsificable are less reliable, so you have a point there.
Still, I don’t find the (alleged) father’s (alleged) behavior unbelievable. His motivation for complaining is stated in the piece: He is angry that Target appears to be trying to encourage his daughter to become pregnant. Also, according to the story, the father doesn’t call back; the manager calls to apologize a second time. Honestly, that’s the least believable part of the story to me — once you’ve apologized once, why call back to apologize again?
I’m left thinking that Target probably does know some teens are pregnant before their parents know, but that the statistician who told this story might have been trying a little too hard to make himself seem impressive.
You might find some benefit in the book "The Righteous Mind" by Jonathan Haidt. In it, he goes through how morals are developed (and religion / belief in a deity is not a requirement for these).
I like Richard Dawkins' point on this (and I paraphrase here):
"So you're telling me that if you were to have a crisis of faith, that you'd suddenly go around killing, raping and pillaging?"
As well as Penn Gillette's statement (although I'm not sure if it's attributable to him) when responding to people asking him why he doesn't go around raping, robbing and murdering, as an atheist:
"I have raped, robbed and murdered the exact number of people I have wanted to rape, rob and murder in my life, and that number is zero!"
I don't think I could explain my current mindset in words, as it's a mixture of all sorts of things. But generally, I think I used to have a fixed mindset, whereas I now have a growth mindset. This is explained in the excellent book Mindset, by Carol Dweck. This was in Bill Gates' top 5 books of the year a few years ago. Have a read of it. [link]
Nice write up!
Here's her book, it's really good although she repeats the same thing over and over, still worth a read i think.
Here's another good one called the Talent Code that's also about this stuff
I mean you don't have to believe me, but that doesn't make you right.
You also don't gain a psychological addition before a physical addiction, you just made that up. Physical addictions can be broken by refrain from usage, but psychological addictions cannot. You are still constantly exposed to psychological triggers for addiction, even after your body has escaped dependency.
This is why so many people relapse back to alcohol and drug use, long after they stopped abusing the substance. It's where the concept that you are "always an addict" or "always an alcoholic" even if you aren't using comes from.
To break psychological addiction, you need to change your natural habits and replace the "reward" of use, with something else. This is why AA works so well. It replaces the dependence on alcohol with the dependence and belief in a higher power.
You can break a physical addiction without counseling, simply by refraining from use. It's extremely hard to break psychological addiction without some form of "counseling".
Edit: Also a lot of the chemical reactions in the brain are a result of psychological addiction and not the physical substance. Studies have shown that your brain actually starts producing these chemical reactions before you even use the substance, simply out of anticipation. If you're interested in this subject but aren't into reading academic papers, I'd recommend checking out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There's at least one chapter on this in the book.
I'm six months out and still struggling with an exercise habit. I'm very active at work but by the time I get home I'm worn out. I'm also 63 and wonder if age is playing a part. Anyway, exercise has been a hard habit for me to develop. When I walk it's usually 2 miles. Some weeks I go five days, some weeks I don't go at all.
I found a book I'm going to listen to on the drive to work Atomic Habits by James Clear. It has good reviews, so I'm hoping it will offer some advice I can build on. It might be interesting for you, too.
Atomic Habit has been topping the NY Times list for like a year now. I like his writing a lot. Another great book, very similar and I think was also on the NY Times bestsellers, is Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. This book seriously changed my life as an early 20-something.
Forming positive habits that get you going > Motivation
Forming positive habits that get you going > Inspiration
I build workouts into my daily and weekend routines. Easy to get motivated to do them when you unconsciously start doing them after a while!
On a related note, if you haven't, go find and read Atomic Habits by James Clear.
I disagree. As a deconverted Christian of 40 years (now deconverted for 4 years), I was able to rationalize and critically think about what I believed and why as a Christian. Now I'm an Ashiest. (And it's wonderful!). There are many intelligent people who have been deeply indoctrinated. It's crazy how the human mind works.
A fabulous book on how we *think* we are being rational and logical when we're probably not, (all of us, atheists, theists, left, right, centre, non-policital, etc) is The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion https://www.amazon.ca/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777
So Good! Written by a fellow atheist too!
You are on the right track with respect to small actions.
Atomic Habits discusses this very topic. I consider this book to be a companion to “Flow”.
From my experience, with the help of my wonderful S/O. It's about not only getting rid of the habit itself of looking or having the idea appear in your mind. With that you can pretty much rewire your brain in building your new habit or getting rid of a habit you don't want.
Atomic Habits is a good book that I'll refer you read (I read only the summaries, but the stories are worth the time).
The Laws of Building a habit (summarized) and inversed (in bold):
Overall, all of these laws will not do anything if you don't admit to yourself that it's a problem. You must take full accountability to your choices of looking it up.
Be honest with yourself
Don't lose hope, we're in this together.
Be patient with yourself and a great way to work on your smoking habit is finding a healthy new habit and making sure to give yourself a good reward after. "The Power of Habit" helped me change the way I look at my struggles with smoking. A good distraction can go a long way too!!! Good luck and be kind to yourself! You are so strong 💪
I'm part of a couple book groups. Maybe you start one with your friends?
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business [link]
I think following time blocks is a matter of habit in your case. [Atomic Habits]([link]) talks about 5 minutes rule (where one commits to work for at least 5 mins a day), which may help to solidify the structure in form of habit. Give it a try!
Regardless of your status, the link includes affiliate information and is not allowed. You need to clean it up by removing all the junk from the link. If there's a tag=..., it's an affiliate link.
This is a clean link: [link]
Compare it to the link you posted.
LOL! 100% guilty as charged — best podcast on the planet!
Though my understanding of the physicality of habit formation first came from reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Not nearly as broad nor erudite as Huberman, but just as fascinating and actionable.
it really does. If anyone else wants to know more about this check out 'the design of everyday things' by Don Norman, its a really neat book, and has pdfs floating around online too :)
Well, sometimes it's just habit.
People have inherently different psychological dispositions. That is why they disagree on basic morality.
I recommend Jonathan Haidt's The Righteous Mind.
But be warned, this book pretty much debunks the libertarian philosophy...
The topic is fiction vs nonfiction. What kind of nonfiction storytelling are you talking about? Are you confusing "nonfiction" with "realistic fiction"?
When I say nonficiton, I'm talking about books like this, for example - on the topic of the origins of moral psychology as it relates to modern political disagreement. There isn't a story so much as the author laying out an informed argument in favor of certain ideas. There are no fictional characters created for these books, except maybe as a quick example to illustrate a concept.
> I try to work and focus on something related to my goals...
That's something to work on. Forget goals. No really, I know this is unpopular, but concentrate on building better habits, a system, a process, a meta-process that you know will lead to results (hence goals). Concentrating on goals leaves you without a structure to get there, or at least your eyes are on the wrong place.
A couple of resources to help you out:
I would highly recommend reading Better Angels of our Nature by Steven Pinker
It's by far the most extensive study on the history of violence anyone has ever produced. If you are actually interested in "looking at every empire that has ever existed" as you claim. That's literally what he did. He results are very clear and it's the polar opposite of what you just said. Nation states are orders of magnitude more peaceful than pre-nation states. Becoming a nation state has been one of the best predictors of lowering violence.
So thousands of years of history says you are wrong.
But to be fair to you. That doesn't mean the guys you're responding to are right either. While the change from pre-nation states to nation state predicts lower violence. Change from nation state into larger nation state, does not.
Build cues to your game. Cues are simple action (e.g. breathing into your hands, finding the same spot on the disc, etc.) that triggers a series of routine behaviors. Use your cues and follow your routine on the field for EVERY SINGLE SHOT. When you incorporate those cues into your game your body will eventually learn that doing the routine is what feels right. “Feeling right” is what we’re going for.
If you want to read up on the topic you should check out: The Power of Habit ([link])
For data triangulation, Lukianoff & Haidt’s Coddling of the American Mind explores research about how all these mental health issues - anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, etc - dramatically increased the year that social media hit smart phones.
Was also looking at some longitudinal data on health behaviors of students at uni, and a bit over 50% reported zero sexual partners in the last 12 mos. Even though it included COVID times, it was matching data from the same survey given in previous years.
College eng prof here (ME). Two great books to start with:
Hachette India The Design Of Everyday Things: Revised And Expanded Edition [link]
Thinking in Systems: International Bestseller [link]
Hi u/dorothy_explorer, I really hope you realize I was being sarcastic with the hunger games comment. Obviously that’s not the answer, especially because it backfires and the kids kill everyone…
As for my nephew, he’s been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and tried to drive my mother and himself into a lake where he then broke her finger, tried beating her, then laid down in the middle of the road to get hit by a car and die. I don’t see that often. Grit (in the vernacular and not the psychological) is the keyword, because by saying “their young brains are having a difficult time processing the absolute dumpster fire of a world into which they were born” you have already put anxiety into their minds. You’ve also doubted their intellectual ability to process this information and have taught them they are helpless in the face of this onslaught. By coddling children into the ground we have subtly taught them they are incapable and to doubt their own abilities.
I noticed I started off here with a fun jab, but I think we don’t give young children enough credit and experience to be independent and they must rely on
The world is not nearly as big a dumpster fire as we keep saying it is. Many of the issues (poverty, homelessness, abuse) out there have been around for decades. Overall crime, while up in the past year or so is still lower than it ever has been. The big difference is adults who go doom scrolling and tell the kids that they’re in danger. None of these kids are at risk of being drafted either! No, this crisis is not because of the world they’ve been raised in, but the coddling you of the American Mind.
Maybe. Maybe not.
I also just saw you agree with my original thesis, so I’m going to stop there and upvote you.
This one is amazing to help break any bad habits.