Good riddance to bad cess.
Her comment was a low blow, but verbal attacks like that don't hurt so much when you realize that the whole construction of her attack is If you loved [me/other person/pet/whatever], you'd [do the thing I want.] It's designed to make you frothing mad at the accusation of not loving or caring, and, from the manipulator's point of view, they don't usually think their victim is unloving, they want what they want and will use any means, fair or foul, to get it, or they define love as give me what I want, always.
Of course, all this did was make you frothing mad, because you aren't suddenly going to become religious and antivaxx to prove your love for your child.
When you know the construction of the verbal attack, it's a lot easier to defend against without coming unglued. Your library might have a copy of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense.. Personally, I've abandoned the gentle responses to this kind of attack and gone with "A has nothing to do with B. It still ain't gonna happen. Though your manipulative tactics have made me think less of you." This is adversary-dependent, but calling BS can be lovely.
Does 9 year old have any good friends whose parents would be agreeable to an extended sleepover?
I have a similar problem. In my public speaking class the advice I received from everyone was that I didn't speak loud enough, even when I thought I was speaking loud and clear with confidence. I'm currently reading Set Your Voice Free by Roger Love. It's a fantastic book. I haven't gotten to the exercises yet, but have learned so much already! Here's an interesting fact:
> The human voice is set up to speak or sing twenty-four hours a day without getting hoarse or strained or creating any physical problems. If yours can't, it's because you're doing something wrong. [page 11]
I highly recommend this book! I initially got it from the library, but purchased it from Amazon because the library book didn't have the accompanying CD.
You may find the book Confessions of a Public Speaker and the related blog posts useful.
(One big hint, as others have said elsewhere in comments: practice!)
>How do I learn to talk in person? I’ve practiced but it’s hard with some because they don’t say much even though they appear interested. I don’t know what to say then
I've heard about Larry King's book about how to talk to people; might be worth checking out:
https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Anyone-Anytime-Anywhere-Communication/dp/0517884534
buy this book which provides a pretty good outline - https://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Officiants-Guide-Conduct-Ceremony/dp/1452119015?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&psc=1
go out to dinner with the couple (hopefully on their dime) and do an extremely informal interview asking about how they felt when they started dating, how they know they were the one, feelings during their proposal, etc.
It’s for this book: The Back of the Napkin (Expanded Edition): Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591842697/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_RN13SYZ2AH4HTEH2RHF5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I’ve been really working on enhancing everything about my singing and happened across “The Voice Book”.
I’m only a couple chapters in but they give pics and exercises for posture and supporting your voice. Just a couple minor changes to my stance and I can immediately see/feel/hear the difference in my voice.
Below is the link for it on Amazon. Hope it helps!
The Voice Book: Caring For, Protecting, and Improving Your Voice https://www.amazon.com/dp/1556528299/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xEGoDbJ4RPZ2V
A book he should read: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Point-Across-Seconds-Less/dp/0671727524
How to get your point across in 30 seconds or less.
If he can do that, Ill read his blog. He just better back his shit up with facts.
I can't seem to find our questionnaire, but it included the basics about how we met, why we're getting married, goals for the future, etc. We've settled on hiring an officiant, but I did buy this book at one point, just to get ideas: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1452119015/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
FYI, this image is from a tweet by /u/math_rachel : https://twitter.com/math_rachel/status/856349514730422272 . And the quote is from 'Confessions of a Public Speaker' by Scott Berkun : https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Public-Speaker-English/dp/1449301959
Try books!
I haven't read this one, but it looks promising: The Wedding Officiant's Guide: How to Write and Conduct a Perfect Ceremony.
I bought this one because FH & I are writing our own ceremony for our aunt to officiate and it's been really helpful so far: The Wedding Ceremony Planner: The Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of Your Wedding Day. Head's up, she does recommend at the beginning that you don't have non-pro officiants, but we just disregarded that. There's tons of details in there about planning a ceremony I had never thought of, and a ton of ceremony examples.
EDIT: Oh shit just realized you're 48 hours out from the wedding??? You can read those in browser or on a Kindle if you have one... good luck!
There's also this book, [Competitive Debate: The Official Guide] (https://www.amazon.com/Competitive-Debate-Official-Richard-Edwards/dp/1592576931/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=411mf6LoMoL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR107%2C160_&refRID=J2TA28F2NTE1K8S71R60]. I got this a while ago and it covers all of the events, as well as general guides. But like u/subsidiescurecancer said, it's a little outdated and doesn't go so in-depth.
May I recommend "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense". This will help you a lot if you have to communicate with these women, bullies tend to find other things to do once you successfully defend yourself against them a few times.
Voice is something that you can totally work on. You can sign up for a signing classes, or voice classes, and voice coaches. There is a ton of resources on the web. I can recommend this book as well: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0316441589 (the paper version includes a CD with exercises).
The good news is that if you have a weak voice, it might be very easy to improve with just a few exercises and a few sessions. Squeaky voice would be harder to improve, but still doable.
As for the confidence - if you can afford it, check out counselling / therapy. It can do wonders, and as a 32 year old one of my biggest regrets was not going to a therapy 10 years ago...
Just remember - both with working on your voice, and on your self-esteem, that it's all about finding the right way to work on that. You might have to go through a few books/coaches/exercises before you find the one that fixes you. Too many people try just one and say: "oh, reading/therapy/exercises are not for me".
Three final confidence boosters I'd add - dance (Salsa, Tango, whatnot), yoga, and learning public speaking (see Toastmasters). Those things will teach you to be in control. And if you can move or speak, it doesn't matter how tall you are. (I wouldn't recommend gym - gym may boost your confidence, but might not improve your social skills, whereas dancing and speaking will!)
Others have given you really great advice, but I just want to toss this in:
"The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense".
http://www.amazon.com/The-Gentle-Art-Verbal-Self-Defense/dp/0880290307
Didn't work for me, though. I'm too hot-headed & tend to go for the throat VERY early in any heated conversation.
This is the program that I ended up sticking with: http://www.amazon.com/Roger-Loves-Vocal-Power-Conviction/dp/1596590114
But I really like Brett Manning's stuff too: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI_w-CLGvBIlUkZ1yrC-iEA
The idea is not to need to flip tables, but to have said "No" firmly three months earlier and meant it.(All biblical refernces aside). Sometimes a tiny bit of conflict (you may not talk to me like that) stops an avalanche of fury down the tracks ( I fucking hate the way you talk to me).
May I suggest the books of Suzette Helgin ? They're a bit old now, but are absolutely solid on spotting verbal manipulation and de-escalating it. The problem of people pushing you around, or using your religion to manipulate you can often be undone with a few well-chosen words.
And lastly, Your job is not to balance out the cosmic scales of doom and nastiness by scrunching yourself down and being "nice". Your job is to shine so that other people can see by your light.