OK. first thing, don't pressure her about orgasms. Being able to cum for women is a very mental thing. Pressure kills it. If she enjoys sex without an orgasm, let that be OK for the moment. I don't always cum when my husband and I have sex, but I always enjoy it. It's a lot harder for women to cum than it is for men, sometimes it just doesn't happen.
Second: both of you get this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
really really good book about female sexuality.
Got a whole bunch of Lux pics together that I liked, and ended up deciding on a theme with two of my favorite versions, Star Guardian and Dark form. Learning all sorts of fun things about photoshop the past few days. I might like to explore blonde Lux in the future, but there are so many pretty sluts and so little time...
Since some people have asked in the comments - these gifs aren't intended to hypnotize/trance you. Hypnotism is a very real thing, and it's different for everyone, but it's unlikely that anything like these porn projects are going to go farther than making you feel a bit dizzy and unfocused. If you need an introduction to hypnotism I recommend the book Mind Play - it's what got me to start practicing the kink, and I've never found an online guide or synopsis that even comes close to breaking it down like the book does.
Enjoy responsibly ♡
Hey OP, this is clearly a difficult situation, and I cannot fathom the emotional pain and turmoil you're feeling right now. I know this will sound strange, but I'd like to suggest that you and your GF both read, "Come As You Are", by Dr. Emily Nagoski.
https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI
While the book is more geared toward women, I think you'll find the information very enlightening, especially the chapters that discuss sexual "accelerators" and "brakes". The book may give both of you enough insight to be able to make behavioral changes.
I hope you're able to work through these issues, but should that not happen, reading this book will at least provide you with some great insight.
Edit: formatting
Written by Ian Kerner. This guy is the epitome of cuck. And he has a book for sale! https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring-ebook/dp/B000FC1PRK
There's actually a book called "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life" that I read a few months ago. A leading expert on human sexuality looks at sexual fantasy based on the most comprehensive, scientific survey ever undertaken. There is a LOT of data and he writes about tons of trends, like who's inclined to be into BDSM, how age/religion/political views correlate with specific fetishes and fantasies, etc.
I personally thought the book was pretty pedantic and a little repetitive, but the underlying data discussed in the book was interesting, and I feel like a lot of people in this sub might really enjoy it based on the questions I've seen here.
Your post made me think of this book because he does mention the fantasies exhibited most often by Democrats, Republicans, and other demographics, and while he can't DEFINITIVELY explain the connections, he does speculate about some potential reasons from a science-based standpoint. Pretty interesting.
Got a whole bunch of Lux pics together that I liked, and ended up deciding on a theme with two of my favorite versions, Star Guardian and Dark form. Learning all sorts of fun things about photoshop the past few days. I might like to explore blonde Lux in the future, but there are so many pretty sluts and so little time...
Since some people have asked in the comments - these gifs aren't intended to hypnotize/trance you. Hypnotism is a very real thing, and it's different for everyone, but it's unlikely that anything like these porn projects are going to go farther than making you feel a bit dizzy and unfocused. If you need an introduction to hypnotism I recommend the book Mind Play - it's what got me to start practicing the kink, and I've never found an online guide or synopsis that even comes close to breaking it down like the book does.
Enjoy responsibly ♡
Here's a really good book I'm reading that sounds like it could be very helpful for your situation. "The Deadbedroom Repair Manual" by Melody Parker. I wish I had read this book early in my own relationship with my wife. I would have had a different understanding of the approaches to our sex life and our respective needs which would have been so helpful.
Good luck to you and your partner both!
I hope not. I'm working on bringing adventure back. The Talk doesn't work. Take a look at this book. It's been eye-opening for me.
https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ
This is a book that distills all the best advice that you can get from here:
https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ
This sub is great to hear from others like you. But we need to do the research and the work to fix things. The book above can help.
It's a great list! The woman who wrote it wrote a book recently!
I’m sorry you are in this bad situation. Personally, I would continue to be her friend, not because I approve of her actions, but because it’s ok to love a friend even though they are flawed and not perfectly moral. Also, hoes before bros. You may not want to listen to me because if any of my friends murdered someone, I would ask no questions and just help them bury the body.
You don’t know the whole story either. He may be cheating on her, he may be addicted to porn, he may be closeted in some way that is not honest in the marriage. If they’ve tried everything and it’s still not fixed, I assume he got a medical checkup and it’s not something obvious like low testosterone. Especially since she is taking it as a sign that something is wrong with her. Maybe gift her this book which is the best resource for fixing a dead bedroom, but otherwise, yeah.
I got a lot of out of the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki. It talks a lot about female sexuality, including anatomy, pleasure, and how to work through some guilt. I'd recommend it for both you and her, actually.
Amazon link -https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1498922611&sr=8-2&keywords=come+as+you+are TED talk by the author - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HILY0wWBlBM
She might not tell you her story but she has a book. It's a steal and would be a good place to start.
It helped a lot for me to understand the psychology behind pornography addictions. Your brain literally reacts the same way it would with hard drugs. It rewires itself to need more of "it." It produces more dopamine in the brain (the itch) more than the serotonin (the satisfaction) can rightly deal with. Your brain makes habits and triggers and there is so much on the psychology of addiction that I can't cover in a single message.
I would recommend this book if you want to read more about it: <strong>https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW</strong>
Don't give up hope and don't stop fighting the itch, the more you fight it, the more your brain remembers how to fight it.
This doesn't sound too unusual. Take a look at the reading materials. This is a good one: https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ
There might many causes. There might be things that you have not figured out yet. But it seems that masturbating everyday will reduce your libido.
Check this book. It might help you brainstorm about the situation or give you other perspectives. https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ
She Comes First is a great book going over why you should just make sure your partner finishes first and go from there, thus removing the pressure to figure this out.
Along with the book "Come as you are", I highly recommend the book "The Dead Bedroom Repair Manual".
It was extensively researched and wonderfully written by a smart and experienced woman who knows this subreddit well and often contributes ideas and advice here. It was recommended to me a few months ago and reading it has helped me understand my sexual relationship with my wife at a much deeper level. The book has excellent ideas which helped me a lot and, from the situation you described, should be a help to you as well.
Good luck to you. After over 30 years together, my relationship with my wife is still a work in progress but at least there is progress!
Your situation is sucky. Most will say leave but it does not seem like you have the means. I have been reading this book from one of the resident experts. Not sure if it will help him since he has not followed up on his promises twice. However, hopefully it will help you manage the situation. Maybe if you get lucky, you can get him to read it too. It is only $4 on the kindle.
Never heard of this. Very expensive. Maybe first try this book recently published by a resident expert here on Kindle by myexparamour (or something similar)
https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ
Careful though, some of them most certainly head into the direction of misogyny and a strong bitterness, where some place the blame in a scapegoat- specifically women here.
I was a part of their communities, but the mindset there was warped in ways I didn’t want to be constantly saddened about. I chose to just go through this on my own, through the book that is highly revered within the groups, and rightly so. It’s called “The Multi-Orgasmic Man” It’s rooted in Tao philosophy, and incredibly insightful. I really recommend it.
Jerking off is kinda stupid, it takes off the pleasure and it will develop a bad habit.
What I can recommend is wear a thicker condom. Assuming you're already wearing one during the deed, get the types that makes you last longer, ie Durex Performa.
Also, try to do some foreplay if you feel like you're about to climax, ie edging.
Other than that, try reading this book, Multi Orgasmic Man. Works wonders. It takes some practice, though.
I am late to this thread but tacking onto your post to mention Come as you are is an amazing book about prioritizing female pleasure that I can't recommend enough to my girlfriends.
This book goes over the psychology of dead bedrooms: The Dead Bedroom Repair Manual: A comprehensive guide to bringing sexual passion back to your relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08M3WL3XJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_R7RTFMVHKMFPYKBY4FDB
Wow. There are so many things to unpack there to work on.
I think the first thing, is start trying to address all the factors that are in easy control. He's got to stop steroids. I get he wants to do body building, but he's got to stop. Next, what are the non sexual parts of the relationship you'd like to improve? The desire for sex is strongly tied to quality of the romantic relationship in LTR. If there are things to improve there, that'd be a good thing to work on too.
As for to improve the bedroom, this is a guide written by a person who has basically studied dead bedrooms and was in one herself. It's cheap as hell and it's a great guide. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B08M3WL3XJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_T8C68N83A2X0MBK7JV48
Beyond that, I'd start looking at people like John Gottman the psychologist for advice on the matter too.
Sorry to be so general, but you asked a question that probably needs a couple books to answer. Start with the one I recommended and work from there.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. If you don't doing the sexual things as well as many thing you're spouse likes to do, you should look all the big life issues and see how compatible you two are. My spouse and I match on so many other things (kids, pets, religion, politics, housechores, life chore) that we don't really fight on things. We both are emotionally healthy with healthy attachment styles. We both work and contribute to the relationship. So when I look at the sex, it is just one of all the other issues that are important. Even before compromising, I knew I was not leaving. Since we are working on compromising on sex, even better. If we had disagreed on kids, politics, and chores on top of the sex, we would have had to divorce.
If you don't enjoy sex right now, I can see how you are LL or on the asexual spectrum. Like I said, at home, my spouse and I have NEVER sat through an entire movie or TV show we hated. I have sat through tons of neutral shows my spouse likes (my choice. They won't make me). My spouse has not watched mine (but now I am not Reddit instead of TV). I have also watched bad movies in the theaters, but they were movies I expected to be better and once you are in the theater, not much else to do.
I'm late to this post but damn. Here's me, another LLF who's only remotely interested in sex about the time I'm ovulating. This is a new pattern I'm discovering in my mid-30's as I've been on hormonal BC since 18 and now off. It's getting more and more noticeable (and predictable) every month.
So circlesdontexist, if you need more actual "proof" that OP isn't some sort of freak of nature, it's actually pretty common. It sounds like you would REALLY benefit from reading this book, you are a little too ignorant on the subject to be so damn loud about it:
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Emily Nagoski
https://www.amazon.in/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW
Your Brain on Porn
Book by Gary Wilson
I'm saying that if we didn't watch porn I think it would be fine, but since we've hot wired them together it's not a good idea and seldom have I seen in myself or others any success without giving up both. Porn is a Sin, masturbation alone is not.
Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson would be a good resource for learning about the science and the plethora of experiences behind these claims