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Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People (not affiliate). Then read it again. It's a classic book that's required reading at almost every business school. Most of the topics are directly applicable to your problem, but more importantly they're invaluable to other areas of life - which could indirectly improve your dates as well.
One of the key takeaways is that people are naturally self-centered. People tend to enjoy talking about themselves, so ask about them, their life, and their experiences.
Edit: turns out I own two copies of the book, so if you're in the US, I'm happy to mail you some Reddit love (aka the book).
> Any tips on how i could engage with them more?
If this is something you struggle with consistently this book might help. What it basically boils down to is: engage with people. Ask them questions. People like nothing more than talking about themselves.
> My strategy for avoiding social disasters has become to just never approach people
As someone who's been a shut-in from time to time this I can totally understand and relate to this. However, I would urge you to have the best of intentions, and be as clear with them as possible. Throw some basic kindness and politeness in there (which aren't really that hard) and you'll be JUST fine in most social situations =)
Learning the social queues for someone who is uncomfortable is a huge bonus - I can't relate to being on the spectrum but I can relate to basic social anxiety, etc. It took me awhile but there's a ton of great content on the topic out there. I read a couple of books on how to be a good conversationalist and that's how I learned some of the basic queues (crossing arms, body language, eye contact stuff, etc).
The best book however was Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It taught me VERY common-sense approaches to how to be a human around other humans. I use lessons from it every day to be an effective listener, and to effectively communicate my own ideas and feelings.
Damn - this ended up a lot longer than I intended. Well I hope it helps a bit - and best of luck out there!
Let me recommend a book: [link]
This one of those top selling classics. The first couple sections are entirely about how to connect with people. It's filled with concrete ideas and examples on how to make progress in this arena. As programmers, we get a social license to be a bit awkward and shy, but don't test the limits of this -- it will hurt your career progress.
> No one ganged up on him, considering the premise of the topic is to figure out if we should, because 4 years of the same thing is old.
> He’s out numbered 5 to 1 because everyone is kind of tired of it.
> This throwing character was ok and we kind of beat him down a bit when he had some bullshit feats.
> if we do try to RP the character he gets defensive and says "no" "that's not how she would react" or some other excuse.
> We did. He didn’t have “room”.
> best character he had was an vanilla Investigator one of us made for him
> No he's taking well thought out, sim/theorycrafted, and known builds and screwing with them
> > He changes well made and well know builds into shit because "he" made the choice.
You and I have very different definitions of "We." You also sound like the fun-police. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about copying builds. Everyone gets their enjoyment from different aspects of the game and maybe copying someone else's template eliminates the fundamental aspects of character creation that he enjoys.
> No one is going to become his character creator.
If no one is going to work with him and teach him to make a good character, you're going to be stuck with him making shitty characters. Grow up and help him. You have 20 years experience gaming, put it to some use.
> Everything else you said is now not really relevant, circumvents your original directive or insane.
Just because you don't know the fundamental basics of having positive interactions where you get your desired outcome doesn't make it insane. What I wrote for you is a crash course in hundreds of books about team building, communication, and getting people to help you/do what you ask them to do.
If I had more upvotes and a boat, I'd give them all to you. I'm currently reading How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. He spends a fare amount of time on this exact topic. The idea is that it's human nature to talk and expand our own egos. He mentions several examples where all he does is show the initial interest and then listen to the person for a period of time and by the end of it they were thanking him and telling how great of a conversationalist he is.
It has been said a bunch already, but people love to talk about themselves. Ask questions about their life or talk about something in their life. Ex. If they have a dog. "What's scruff up to?" If they are into hockey. "So Gary Bettman should die huh?". Compliments also work well. So be interested in others' lives, talk about them and compliment them. They will talk to you for days. Keep in mind that I do none of these things, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
Many read this book for guidance on this topic: [link]
You should read this book: [link]
There is a specific part in the book where talks about the need to correct people, and what little good it does--"Part Three - How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking" iirc. I recommend you give it a read.
You've experienced (in all probability) less than a third of your lifespan at this point. You have some time to learn.
Regardless, talking to women is no different than talking to anyone else. They're people and respond to many of the same things. Read this: [link] If you're clever you'll find an ebook or audio book somehow, I'm sure.
That book's been around forever for a reason. But the main thing about it is, it asks you to begin investing time in learning about the perspectives of others. People love to talk about themselves, and they love it when people listen. Taking a genuine interest in others is a huge first step.
If you're a reading kind of guy, check out How to Win Friends & Influence People
Despite the obnoxious title, it's a great book which goes into the details of how to form good relationships with people and always leave a good impression in people's minds.
> but I feel like weddings and baby showers are to be expected as part of a local body of Christ
The issue with this is that means weddings would always be huge, not even including the friends and extended family of the bride and groom. Same issue with baby showers.
What kind of things do you invite them out to? How many people are joining with? The best way to make friends is through one on one interaction, or small groups of people (like 3-6).
At the end of the day its possible you and them just don't mesh. It's nothing against you or them. You happen to attend the same church, it's very possible you have little or nothing in common with many/most of the people there. The most success I've had at making friends through church, etc. is by doing non-church things and making memories together. Bible studies and Sunday mornings are good, but those aren't the things that make lasting bonds and impressions on people other than surface level friendships.
Maybe try How to Win Friends and Influence People. It can be a very helpful book to meeting people and forming lasting relationships. Not all the info is incredibly helpful, but a lot is.
A big part of being a good conversationalist is asking questions of the person that would make them want to talk about themselves. Humans are greedy and self-centered. If you can capitalize on letting them do the things they naturally want to do without making them feel like they are doing either of those things (display greed/self-centered mentality) they will like you, even if they don't know why. Humans (for the most part) want to be the center of attention when the audience is small, this becomes less true as the crowd size increases for some reason (obviously not true for everyone). How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie is a bit outdated, but a good start if you would like to change your ability to hold a conversation.
Are you familiar with Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People? In it he postulates that "the desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals." He claims that no matter what, a core trait of all human beings is this ever-present need to feel a sense of empowerment derived from one's environment; whether it be from other people, within themselves, animals, etc. (If my paraphrasing/interpretation from the book is correct).
It is my observation that you are driven by this very principle, just as every other human is. However, the way you attain this feeling of importance and the manner in which you experience it is different for you, since you lack emotion. This is interesting to me.
My questions to you:
1) Are you familiar with Dale Carnegie's book? (As asked above).
2) Do you really feel complete superiority to all other humans, even those who can be measured as greatly superior to others by means such as wealth, scientific achievement, social position, photographic memory, etc? Or is your feeling of superiority more like a spectrum, where you may feel less superior to some (or even inferior) based on observing someones wealth, ingenuity, artistry, etc.
3) Could you ever see yourself as equal to a human that feels emotions? Possibly respect someone who has learned to control their emotions in an effective way, thus distinguishing themselves from the 'common' person?
One of the best things I can tell you is to test things out yourself. Try an approach for a few days and see how people respond. One easy way to do this is just journal on your experiences during the day each night. Nothing fancy, just a few minutes at night. PM me and I can give you a more detailed breakdown to make it simpler.
Other than that one of the best resources I've found was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People..
I do some coaching on the side too.
If you want more resources/have more questions just PM me! If you're interested in a short coaching session too we can set that up.
You wordsmith, op! I really enjoyed the way you phrased that post.
Anyway, on topic. Your value to another person is finite to what you can/do provide them. Every interaction is! Every person has unique things that they want you to provide them in a friendship, I can safely assume that even you have qualities that you seek in a friend. The only way to make friends is to find people who value the qualities that you can provide, otherwise a friendship cannot happen. A common quality that people (including myself) value is a sense of humor, the ability to make the person laugh.
To find friends, ask yourself these questions.
1) What qualities of mine could someone value?
2) Who are the people who would enjoy these qualities?
3) Where can I find these people?
You may also like to read this book. I cannot recommend it enough for people in your position!
If you are stuck or need any help in the future, you may always PM me and I'll help you where I can. Best of luck!
The best books come from outside the scene. How to Win Friends & Influence People will be the best book for him, especially since it will tail into his career aspirations and he can look to you as the sole source of that wisdom. Don't care about his game, care about yours and hitching a ride on his coattails could be your ticket to fat stacks.
Most of the PUA authors are fucking charlatans.
I started a team just before the Archimedes Cup, and played S20 with'em. Ended up with severe TF2 burnout and eventually stood down from team leadership, leaving someone else in charge.
Avoid doing everything by yourself. Have people in charge of things: timekeeping, match arrangements, recruitment etc. Doing everything by yourself eventually leads to having more time-consuming duties than enjoyment of the game, at least in my case it did. Take care so it doesn't happen to you.
Internal team politics is also a PITA to do, especially roster management, bringing people in and out of the main roster and giving people feedback. I recommend [link], it reads a bit as a self-help book, but is actually full of really interesting and effective stuff.
No, it's your tone and the way you address people.
Even if you're right, being an asshole negates all of it.
You don't tell people they're wrong like that - nothing good will ever come of it, dude's just gonna see red. Go read How to win friends and influence people
It's actually quite good and can possibly prevent situations like this.
This is the best book I have read in the past two years. Ill add your book to my summer reading!
Hey OP check- first off, I'm an a bit on the shy side too, especially around people I don't know. Here's a book that helped me:
It basically teaches you the art of small talk and how to make friends quickly. It's great for bars, but also just life in general.
Good for you buddy, you sounds a lot like me when I was your age. I'm not much older 27. Sorry about giving unsolicited advice but ...If you keep that attitude and aren't afraid to fail you will do just fine. Remember you're going to need grit. Also network with as many people as you can in college. The people you know will be your biggest advantage in life, and there's no better place to meet people then College. Also this book helps: [link] Wish you the best /u/penis_warrior Also ... sooner or later you're going to want to have a more "localcasestudy" sounding username ... those things tend to follow you around the internet ... :P
How long have you been there? Give it some time.
Have you read this?
It's not so much that you need to fit in, but more that you need to stand out. Why don't you try introverting for a bit and working on yourself? Your confidence is now lacking and you need to raise yourself up. Are you meditating? What hobbies can you get involved in at school that you enjoy that will allow you to meet the type of people you do want to be around? Not every single person in the new school is the same.
>> Are you being intentionally dense?
Congrats, this was actually pretty funny.
>You are saying the Confederate flag is a sign of "anti-Americanism" because it celebrates an act of treason, correct?
An act of treason is a crime against the government, correct?
Technically I believe it is a crime against the state.
>The "America" in "anti-Americanism" must mean the American government, correct?
No it could mean against American people/Western Values, but Ill play along, sure.
>My point is "anti-American" is a bullshit term used to stigmatize anyone who does not have blind intelligence to the state that... poisons it's own soldiers... kills kids in drone strikes...
What the fuck are you talking about? Wtf is blind intellegence? I am not a defender of US foreign policy but We arent bombing people just because they are "anti-American". We are bombing members of terrorist organizations other die as collateral damage. This is not the same as killing children because they dont like America.
>PS I went as one of the twin towers for Halloween, and everyone loved it when the other tower got set on fire.
Well, thats in terrible taste. Are your friends jihadists by chance?
But unless you were actively also going around telling everyone you support al Queda and saying things like "death to America", I wouldnt call that a fair analagy just poor judgement.
Not sure where you are going with this. No one is anti first Amendment. But just because you have the right to say whatever you want doesnt mean others cant or shouldnt marginalize you for what you say. He was not advocating for making the flag actually criminal which is why you and the other commenter were downvotes.
> Are you being intentionally dense?
You are saying the Confederate flag is a sign of "anti-Americanism" because it celebrates an act of treason, correct? An act of treason is a crime against the government, correct? The "America" in "anti-Americanism" must mean the American government, correct?
My point is "anti-American" is a bullshit term used to stigmatize anyone who does not have blind intelligence to the state that... poisons it's own soldiers... kills kids in drone strikes...
PS I went as one of the twin towers for Halloween, and everyone loved it when the other tower got set on fire.
This is the best resource I can think of: [link]
The only way for a person to actually kill a movement is to persuade the people who're in/leading it that they're wrong. One of the big errors used today is to use public shaming as a deterrent -- public shaming will never change a person's belief, but only their actions. Nor is any amount of suppression enough, as the British learned around 1776. You have to convince people why your side is better. Until then people will not change their ways.
It's a skill. You have to work to develop it. Consider starting with <u>How to Win Friends and Influence People</u> by Dale Carengie as a starting place. It's old, but not out of date. Definitely not some panacea, but it gets you thinking about how to act around other people, and gets you thinking about empathy. It's all about empathy.
> I feel like I'm rocking a really stellar resting bitch face, which I'd really like to get past.
This probably sounds weird but on the way to any event or place where I want to be more social I hold a smile for like 5-10 minutes. And I listen to "happier" music. Classic rock is great for that.
Then there's always this classic book
You are declaring yourself a winner of a Reddit comment debate. Really dude? Don't you have a Paralympics to be at somewhere?
This might help you not be such a troll in the future:
EDIT: In case you didn't read the sideboard, Sexism isn't allowed here. Who the fuck implies women can't argue?
Shit man, it's hard to make friends. For alot of people at least. I've struggled with the same sort of issue and what helped me out was some of the ideas contained within Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. For some people, the concepts he discusses are no-brainer, common sense items. For more introverted ppl like me, it helped me to understand what I was and wasn't doing in my approach to meeting new people - or carrying on with existing friendships. It's worth a read and maybe will give you a better perspective.
Only other thought I have to offer is that there is a generalized stigma that IT professionals do not know how to speak to non-technical people well. I've observed this in the wild from time to time. So something like this book might apply:
> My problem isn't meeting people, but talking to them once I meet them.
This is going to sound corny but "How to win friends and influence people" is a magnificent book.
I've never really had an issue talking to people, but after reading this book and employing the strategies my entire experience changed. It was the difference between my attendance at social events being expected to people demanding it.
While I agree it is likely his boss will fire him it is probably a mistake to do so.
There is a bit about firing people in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People (everyone should read it) that covers things like this.
The tl;dr version is the OP is both extremely unlikely to ever make this mistake again and if given a stay of execution is likely to work especially hard and careful.
If he messes up again then that is a pattern of carelessness and should be fired but a second chance in this case is best for everyone.
Public shaming will only lead to a contentious result. I second reading the book. It's helped me a lot with similar workers.
Don't worry. You're not alone. Remember, it's about getting the job done, not about making yourself look good or feel powerful which is what public shaming really is...
On the contrary, if you want a person to like you, you have to be genuinely interested in the person (like the manual says.... but seriously, it's a tremendous read).
How to Win Friends & Influence People
I haven't read this yet (though I do own it) because I'm lazy and consider myself an already super friendly person, BUT I've heard nothing but good things about it and it's got 4.5 stars with 4,000 votes.
Check it out if you wanna try and get better, or don't if you don't wanna. You're an adult, live your life
Part of being a good friend is learning how to relate to others. You may not find their jokes hilarious, but it never hurts to take an interest in others. Especially if you want to have more meaningful conversations.
I also recommend you read a book on social etiquette from 100 years ago call "How to win Friend and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Check the library at your school, they probably have a copy, also it is an old book so take it with a grain of salt.
Without leaving my house, I grabbed a legal textbook entitled "Managers and the Legal Environment, Strategies for the 21st Century, Fifth Edition" by Bagley and Savage. I have this from the business law class I took in graduate school. I flipped to Unit 3 (Human Resources), Chapter 12 (The Employment Agreement). On the bottom of page 449 it talks about the employers obligations under the NLRA. Section 7 of the NLRA enumerates protected activities, including the one we're discussing, and section 8(a)(1) of the NLRA makes it illegal for an employer to interfere with the exercise of those rights.
So, I've cited a government website, a legal textbook I already had in my house, and you're trying to call me illiterate. While we're discussing skill shortages and good reading materials, I'd strongly recommend you pick up a copy of this. I read it in high school, and have referred it to several colleagues who struggled with relating to other people, and all of us have found it very helpful. From what I gather, you could get a lot of benefit from it.
Put this at the top of your reading list: "How to Wind Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie [link]
When you're constantly outside of your comfort zone it gets easier. Try new things and have new experiences. Even if it means walking a different way to work or trying a new food. Get out of the same frame of mind and routine. Don't over think it and mind fuck yourself.
I feel like i am an introvert who learned how to be an extrovert. I'm 33 and in sales now.
I would just try to talk to as many people as you can. Sometimes just small talk with strangers and about the weather while in line at Starbucks or something. You'd be surprised how many conversations you can start just by observing people, and what they're wearing. You can sometimes see what their hobbies are or something they're into or any common ground.
Remember the acronym FORD.
Those are topics you can always talk to people you know about. Don't ask yes or no close ended questions. Most conversations can be you just asking the right questions that let people talk and you listen. People will start opening up to you if you ask the right questions. Be genuinely interested. If you aren't move on. You don't always have to force things. 1/3 of people will love you, 1/3 of people will hate you and 1/3 of people will be indifferent.
I would recommend this classic dale carnagie book.
How to Win Friends & Influence People [link]
I think joining clubs and groups you have interest in is good for you too. That way you have common ground with people and you can use that to get to know people.
One thing is for sure. If you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same results.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
Getting to become rich is about being persistent, lucky, smart, and having the right attitude.
Smart, learn how to teach yourself, learn beyond the scope of the limitations of your school. A school is just a baseline for education. Being smart is learning how to teach yourself how to learn and how to utilize that and grow upon that.
Persistent: keep following your dream while also being smart about it. Adjust it so that you can make money about it. When you think you failed, that's the time to buckle down and figure out how to make it work so that it gets you money.
The drive for success is the right attitude. Negative attitudes like why you can't do something is a selffulfilling prophecy. You must always think of why you can do something and keep striving for that.
Luck: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Michael Bloomberg, Original Wallmart Founder
These selfmade Billionares were in the right place at the right time. They used their smart, persistence, and attitude to take that luck and build upon it.
Learn how to talk with people. How to make them talk with you. Emotional Intelligence is very important in being successful because at the end of the day you are selling product to people. You need to understand how to attract people. Look and see how very popular people inspire people based on their words. President Obama did so with his message of Hope and Change. President Trump did so with his message of America First. Regardless of the success and failure of these presidents being able to talk the language of people is important part of success.
Don't be offended when people reject you. They will.
Old classic for the basics
May not be what you're asking for, but I would suggest reading. I recently bought [link] to help improve my social skills. God knows my social life was destroyed by gyno, hopefully not you too. You're gonna feel a lot better about yourself after they take off the bandages. You'll realize life isn't as bad as you thought. At least in my experience. Get a headstart if youre up for it!
The pain and medication turned me off and started playing fallout 4 for the first time and I'm having a blast! I wished I stuck through with the plan, but it's hard to put the control down lol.
I hope its everything you wanted man. Goodluck!
It's worked for me before. Yea they might not tell you how they really feel at the time. Like the situation you described, but then again that's high school. By talking to them the perception that you care what they think will help get the ball rolling in the right direction to build a better relationship. Edit: Btw here's a good book that you should check out if you haven't yet. [link]
Hello, as someone who moved states and went to a new high school without knowing anybody, I know how you feel. Read this book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Read the Amazon reviews. It is a wonderful book and it changed my life. I'm not in high school anymore but it really helped develop friends that I still talk to today. I actually just picked up a brand new copy so I can reread it again.
"P.S." You're never going win any converts with that snarky-ass remark.
I agree that people increasingly need to have the mindset that personal responsibility plays a role in global climate change. You, however, are not being an advocate. You're being a twat.
Dale Carnegie: How To Win Friends And Influence People read it. Don't be a twat.
Dude you seem genuinely unstable, maybe you should see a therapist. Also reading this book wouldn't hurt either. Good luck with your severe emotional issues :)
Every single one of those factors you listed, including approaching women, requires practice.
I'd start by reading How to Win Friends and Influence People in its entirety. Start this tonight. It goes well beyond women and even though the examples are dated it's an excellent starting point.
It's good that you have your life together, but if you're this desperate and lonely, I'd suggest getting yourself a solid social circle of valuable friends before focusing on meeting women. If you don't have that, you'll have a very hard time getting over the neediness, insecurities, and jealousy that you're experiencing around girls.
Furthermore, if you value your lifestyle so little that the validation of women has this much power over you, it's time to expand your perspective or try some new things.
Finally, you must step outside your comfort zone to get better. There simply isn't any way around this. You can read and watch all the theory you want, but the first time you properly approach a woman is still going to feel uncomfortable. That's a totally normal human response. The thing is, it's the fastest way to improve in that regard.
Before you start cold-approaching complete strangers, get your social circle in line and start leveraging it to your advantage. Make female friends and participate in social events that involve other girls as well. Have the friends you already know bring other friends of theirs that you can meet. This is much more effective and lower-pressure than cold-approaching outright.
I've had some bad luck with friendship in that whenever I start to get really close with someone they end up moving to another city. I have a small group of friends now and my best friend is once again moving away and I realize that I really am needing some friends. I am a little awkward as well and it isn't easy. One thing that seems to be helping me lately is working out. I have started lifting weights for about 5 hours a week and its been about 3 months and I feel like a different person: more confident, more energy, and a strong desire to be around other people. I think one of the hardest parts to making friends is expressing confidence and not being afraid to go up to people and invite them to things. Pretty much every friend I've made since high school became my friend because they invited me to something and I said yes. It's never the other way around and I think that's something I need to change. So, my second piece of advice is to start inviting people to stuff. Just asking a coworker or aquintance to grab a beer is a great way to open up. Third, get used to rejection. My therapist even had me intentionally get rejected regularly to get used to it. For example, go into a store and ask if you could have an item for half off for no reason, and have them say no to you. It's super awkward and weird but you get used to it. Finally, you may want to work on social skills. Spend less time online, spend more time outside with others. Put yourself out there and get involved in a local charity, meet up, hobby, or other group. Maybe try reading some books on how to make friends. I've heard this one is great: [link]
Okay, so I hope that helps. I need to put this to practice myself because its time I learn how to initiate some friendships. Good luck! Like anything important in life, it takes work but if you are willing to put in the time it will happen.
> I can always be a better programmer, I can't change who I am.
of course you can. Charisma is just another "skill" when you think about it. A skill that involves knowing how to make yourself seem engaging to others. this book is one of the standard places to start.
of course, there is a difference between "can" and "desire to". If you feel like doing this is "selling yourself out", then I understand.
I'm really interested in what you said about not being able to communicate with your team leads. Can you expand on that for us? What specifically makes it hard for you to communicate with them?
I ask this only because...there's an activity I participated in during high school and college that I believe is responsible for most of my salary growth over my career. Know what it is? Speech and Debate.
Being able to communicate with anyone effectively is an incredibly valuable skill that you should work on. And I think you are correct that it's harming your career not to be able to do that.
As an initial recommendation, the book How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that will get you started.
Some people like Toast Masters, but that's specifically about public speaking, and I'm not a fan. I'm talking about learning how to effectively communicate with anyone, no matter who they are.
That is definitely a cause. People can see right through your attempts at ingratiating yourself towards them, and it feels plastic and fake.
You should focus more on yourself, make yourself likeable, rather than make people like you. I'd recommend [Dale Carnegie's Book][link]).
[link]. Read it follow it and you may just become a Republican. It going to take some time to undo the damage you’ve done in the past but stick to it and you will prosper. Or get it on audible.
These are very bigoted and divisive characterizations of a huge population of people.
Vitriolic statements like these will never win anyone over to your way of thinking.
This may help you with that.
Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnege. Take notes. Put it into action.
And now my standard "You're Going Out on Your Own" list:
Learn to feed yourself. Budget, meal plan, shop, prep, cook, clean up. The more ways you can manipulate basic ingredients, the happier you will be. If you're not already doing this once a week for your family, start now.
Learn to clean your space. Keep your room neat and orderly. Make your bed every morning. Dust, vacuum etc. Pick up after yourself. Clean your bathroom. Clean the kitchen (sans dishwasher.) Pick up after yourself.
Do the laundry. Know how to remove common stains. Go to a laundromat and understand how to navigate that environment.
Develop a morning and evening routine and stick to it. Rise early, prep for your day, leave your space clean. End your day in a similar manner - get off screens, make your to do list for tomorrow, wind down. Make your getting up time and going to bed time consistent each day. Include your personal study time in either (or both) routine.
Also, this is worth every penny but I think you can find a free pdf somewhere online. IMO it's the single most important career book out there (non-technical) for just about anyone.
How To Win Friends And Influence People
I really hope the best for you girl!
There is a beautiful person growing inside of you. Work to be the person you want to be, not what anyone else wants you to be.
I want to recommend you this book, I used to be afraid of people and out of all the self help books I sought this was by far the best.
You don’t have to take my opinion of it either, read the reviews, it has helped many people with social issues find the tools they need to become a better persons.
How to Win Friends & Influence People
At the end of the day, when you know you’ve done the best you can, it can be easier to move on and do better.
As I have posted before, I recommend reading “how to win friends and influence people”.
Get interests/hobbies and socialize in safe environments. Work on being an affable person and display the best of you. Good way to build the foundation for long term relationships. I have only one blind date on my track record and did not work well. Been in 5 relationships (married for 10+ years now), and all of them developed naturally by first getting to know them before romance developed. First relationship was with worldly girl who jumped on me lol :-) I knew her very well beforehand. I was 21, and growing up a JW it kick started my ability to approach women. The JW girls I was with later on were nut cases one way or the other..
Good luck & Don’t give up :-)
Well for starters don’t refer to their significant other as “their human” it’s disrespectful and just weird.
Just be honest and not attacking to them.
Ask them if they can think of any solutions to the situation. Try the ear plugs but don’t talk to them about them. Have them lead the effort to correct the problem.
Read this life changing book
This book will teach you have to solve most problems that involve other people
I've heard amazing things about Toastmasters!
You should definitely check out the books How to Win Friends and Influence People
A short review from The Art of Manliness:
This is not a Dr. Phil self-help book. Citing intimate examples from the likes of Rockefeller, Charles Schwab and FDR, this comprehensive guide is all about how to get ahead in business, relationships and life. Read one chapter a day for the rest of your life. It will make you a far better man than you would ever be without it.
keep on the no-fapping train! the first days are usually really hard and keep your mood at the bottom, but about 4 days in you will start to notice a silver strip on the horizon. I was so fucking depressed that i wasn't even motivated to start a game...
anyway, you say that you don't have anyone to make feel good. You have to interact with other people, unless you lock yourself into a room for all the time. Drop a compliment at work, or when you are buying some stuff at the groceries. tell them your are satisfied with their service or whatever, compliment people for their work... this will make em smile and you will feel good for making em smile. plus they will most likely remember you as a nice person.
have you read Dale Carnergies How to win friends and influence people? it's a great book that tells you how other people will react if you say certain things to them, mostly basic stuff you should already know, but actively knowing about the obvious reactions helped me a lot. There are also some basic psychological tricks, but despite the title, they will not help you find real friends ;)
Kiddo (I say that, having been there/done that years ago), a simple trick to overcoming that sense of being socially awkward is to pretend that you're not. I'm serious. If you act the way a person you'd like to be would act, you'll become that person--at least, as far as everyone else can tell.
See, college really does offer you a fresh start. No one knows you. And the only one causing you to behave a certain way is you.
As others here have said, find something you like to do and do it. If there are no clubs celebrating what you like, make one.
Don't hate me if I recommend this book. The ideas in it really, truly work. I learned this some years back when I started doing them without actually having read it.
You can do this. You really can. Believe in yourself. Like your dad believes in you. Like you want to.