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Hey OP, if you username wasn’t a flag on its own, your post history certainly is. Given that you were recently asking about guns, I don’t think it’s wise for strangers to be opening their homes to you.
As someone who has struggled from extreme depression, I have some idea of the pain you are feeling. Before you make any big decisions, I need you to pick up a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s free with a library card in the LA Public Library system. Get the Libby app and have it the audiobook read to you on your phone.
That book uses a principle known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it’s effective and fast-acting.
Do your parents know you’re suicidal?
A fantastic book that everyone should read: Feeling Good (the new mood therapy) by David Burns M.D. is all about this subject. It talks about bibliotherapy, therapy through reading self-help books, and cognitive practice, essentially, you are what you think.
If you can figure out your thoughts, and figure out why you're having these thoughts, you can work to change these thinking habits. Meditation is the authoritative tool for this in general, but the book has exercises and scientifically backed practices that have been proven to be just as if not more effective than drugs, and longer lasting. Check it out, it's worth your time.
Jesus Christ. Who are you, Winston Smith? Let go of that fatalist attitude. It won't get you anywhere, except more depressed. Regardless of when you die, there's nothing you can do about time passed, so where's the sense in fretting over it? In addition to the advice I posted separately, I recommend reading some literature on changing your mindset. "Feeling Good" by David Burns is a good one. It costs $6 on amazon.
Das war glaub der Sympathischste Text den ich jeh gelesen hab.
Ich kenn Dich nicht, aber ich würd Dich total gerne in Ruhe lassen und mit zuhenem Mund kauen, damit Du nen guten Tag hast.
Ich hoffe ehrlich Du packst den ganzen Scheiß.
Btw.: wenn Du Dir wirklcih oft Vorwürfe machst, check mal das Buch hier. Ist zwar offiziell zur Hilfe bei Depressionen, hat mir aber vorrangig geholfen mir nicht immer Selbstforwürfe zu machen und mich nicht vor mir selbst schlecht zu reden. Ich weiß, ich weiß, Selbsthilfebücher, aber für mich wars echt gut.
you can still be happy and deaf.
if it s possible , i recommend go to psychologist who is expert for cognitive-behaviour therapy.
if not u can always benefit from the book below.just not read it like a novel, use it like an exercise book. do everything it says.
Buy and read Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.
It provides a straightforward and scientifically accepted (Stanford University) self-help method known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
As detailed in the introduction, the clinical trials of the efficacy of the book itself vs the book and meds vs meds alone show equal results between the book and meds, but much longer lasting benefits from the book.
Just do it. It's $5. Throw it away if it doesn't work.
This isn’t specifically for dealing with a toddler, but this book has helped me with coping and life perspective. I have a three year old, so I can say it does also help in those crazy toddler situations.
My friend who is a doctor also gives this to his patients.
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
By David D Burns, MD
Dude, you are going through a serious detox and reset process. With those many addictions to spike your dopamine being your normal, your brain thinks now it is the end of the world without all that stimulus.
Face your demons. One of the most useful books I have found about the topic is "feeling good: The new mood therapy".
It is the top recommended book on /r/depression, and even for people who are not depressed, it helps you to understand the links between your thoughts, actions and your moods... And when you have more control over your thoughts and moods, you will have less need for artificial stimulus.
Try this book.
I hate self-help books. This one works. I can see my copy from where I sit. I use it occasionally like a reference book. It's been in print so long, it's probably in the library.
I would recommend doing some mindfulness training and cognitive therapy self-assessment. I've had depression my whole life and I have to say that it's a slippery slope. It can undermine your efforts. Attacks of depression can keep me out of the gym sometimes and even occasionally undermine my keto efforts. Trying to work out, for example, while seriously depressed is hopeless and impossible. Learning to assess your thinking and identifying cognitive distortions in your thinking is an important step in the right direction. Perhaps consider learning mindfulness meditation and then get a book like Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy which breaks down the relationship between distorted thoughts and depressed feelings. Mindfulness meditation can be as simple as sitting with your back straight and putting your attention on your breath. As thoughts arise you simply think, "Thinking about X" and then stop the thought, continuing to meditate. It teaches you observer consciousness, which in turn helps you develop both awareness of your thoughts and moods and a degree of detachment from them. Hope this helps.
Yeah, IANAD, but mild depression fits those symptoms. I have a book for you. Recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author a couple of times. Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy. After one evening's reading, I felt a weight lifting off of me. Dr. Burns gives readers the tools to beat depression, even years later.
It's been in print for over twenty years, so it's in your local library.
I link that way so people can read the reviews and a piece of the book.
Go to the place you used to talk together, when it's quiet. Clear your mind. Talk to her.
I lost my mom to suicide when I was fifteen, my father to heart attack when I was twenty-one. I had never felt so lost. So I started talking to him. Most of the time, I could hear him. And the words sounded like him.
When you are ready, pick up this book. It sounds like your Mom could use it sooner rather than later. It's been in print so long, it's probably at your local library.
It's not pop-psychology, no junk science. It helped me out of a bad mental space I was in, and can be referred to like a reference book, whenever you are stuck in a "mental rut". This could help your mother stop blaming herself.
I am sorry for your loss.
I wish you Peace.
Please go read this right now! Seriously! It costs like eight bucks, and it'll help like crazy. I've read it cover to cover three times, and it totally took me out of the state you are in when I was in that state.
If you don't have an amazon account, you can probably get it at large bookstore or maybe even your library. Please hang in there, your feelings WILL pass eventually, and there ARE ways that you can work things out without killing yourself.
You need a book. This one. It helped change my attitudes, and my way of thinking.
Let go. If you are always looking back while you're moving forward, you are certain to fall.
it sounds like you are depressed. your behavior indeed appears to be self-sabotage, but this is not uncommon with depression. find a competent therapist. check out Feeling Good. aggressive self-criticism can make this situation much worse. when evaluating your behavior, think in terms of "effectiveness" rather in critical terms like "asshole" or "stupid". turn your self-blame into the positive assertion that there is hope for you to improve upon your current situation. there are likely cognitive distortions that are having a significant negative affect upon your motivation. this is not necessarily something for which you should be blamed, but it is something you can change. investigate how to make the changes you need to improve your life experience, do the work required and be proud of yourself.
Since she is resistant to professional help, this is something I've done in the past.
Communication and reinforcement. Tell her that she is beautiful, sexy, hot, talented and then make sure that you follow it up by making your actions match your words. Constantly touch and caress (as long as it doesn't irritate her "too" much) and smile at her. When she gets down on her self, tell her that you are a much better judge of women than she is and your opinion and actions should be telling her something. Constant compliments while intimate, (I love your skin, you are the perfect size, you feel so good..). Stop just short of making her feel like a steak in a wolf pen.
See if there is a translation of this book in your native language. Tell her that you are feeling a bit down and you need her to read this too so she can help you get back on track. She can't read it without getting at least an idea that she is in a few of the mental traps that this book describes.
Also be aware that this is not an instant process, nor a cure. Insecurity is a life long struggle.
Sorry if my English is hard to translate, I tried to keep it as easy for you as possible. (Your english is fine BTW)
I don't know whether you are willing to try a self help book, but I have used Feeling Good by David Burns. It's been around for a long time (first published in the early 80s) and the guy is a respected professor at Stanford, so he's not some fly-by-night quack.
Anyway, the book is basically a set of cognitive-behavioral therapy tools in book format. The idea is that your thoughts are what affect your feelings and that depressed people have truly distorted thoughts. Basically, it starts by helping you recognize your moods and then giving you ways of recasting and challenging your thinking. I've personally found it very helpful and instructive, even though I was skeptical; I've learned a lot about myself.
If I had more money or a better health care plan, I'd consider in-person therapy, but this book apparently works for a lot of people--especially for those of us who want to get at the root of our depressive feelings and not just medicate the symptoms (the moods).
So, yeah. The only thing I'd warn with this book is that the first chapter is spent more or less defending the use of cognitive therapy and citing how it can be as effective or better than drugs. The real substance of the book starts with Chapter 2. :D
If you are not willing to see someone for some cognitive therapy, spend $10 and pick this up.
I know, I know "wtf? a self help book?" don't judge a book by its genre :)
Give it a try.
Glad to hear of the improvement. Some of these afflictions fade of their own, due to changing biochemistry, others can be affected by attitude, as you seem to have done. Please allow me to suggest reading this book. Check out the reviews, see if it sounds like something that could help you.
I am a congenital anxiety sufferer, and know the Hell that anxiety in all its forms can cause. Best of luck, keep smiling. It'll make everyone wonder what you've been up to. ;-)
I believe Feeling Good and the handbook have a lot of questions/exercises of that sort.
However, I still recommend seeing a therapist. It holds you accountable for actually finishing the exercises, plus the therapist could have insights you wouldn't think of on your own (distorted thinking and all)
I've been there and it sucks.
I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of Feeling Good. This will teach you how to force yourself out of negative thinking patterns and how to feel better about yourself. I know how impossible that seems when you're feeling really down, but please give it a read. This book helped me learn how to defeat self-hate and depression more than therapy and medication ever did, and I can't recommend it enough.
You need this book. Recommended by my therapist. Turned my life around by turning the way I thought around.
It's inexpensive, and you can feel the increase of positive feedback in your attitude pretty much right away.
Pick up this book.
I bought this book on the recommendation of my therapist. I started understanding my problem and literally started feeling better before I finished the first chapter. Check out the reviews.
Wow, I can't believe people haven't mentioned this already. I've suffered with debilitating and severe depression my entire adult life, and tried nearly everything people in this thread have mentioned (most in jest of course.) Exercise is great for prevention, but of course when you're depressed you don't usually feel much like exercising.
But what actually works is simple, doable, and most importantly backed by evidence-based studies: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The method of changing the thoughts and feelings that are causing your depression. (This is NOT "trying to think of happy things.")
I highly recommend the book Feeling Good by Dr. Burns.
It has helped me enormously, and if you're struggling with depression you owe yourself to get this book. You'll discover WHY you're depressed, and more importantly what to DO about it to change your depression quickly. If I ever get depressed about something (rare now) I know what to do immediately to stop it within 15 minutes. Good luck!
I had ED from Zoloft. Cure worse than disease. Oh good, I feel like shit, now my dick doesn't get hard anymore?
Yeah, I put up with that for almost a year. Phht. I'm off psychotropics, now. I use weed, and refer to this book.
I have the exact same problem as you (I'm almost your height and weight too) except instead of being heavy when I was younger, I was a twig. It was a shock to my system to go from being 5'8" and 105lbs in high school to 135lbs in college + after. That might not seem like a lot to some, but on my frame, I can really see a difference. While the logical side of me says: "You look better with some meat on you! You're getting muscle now, that weighs more, too! You work out and eat healthy," the nagging, obsessive side says the same kind of awful shit: "You're not as skinny as you used to be, you need to lose more weight, if you just lost a few more pounds your arms would look better, blah blah blah."
So, what do? I'm participating in the No-Scale-for-a-Month challenge, because I know I get waaaay too obsessed over numbers on a scale. Maybe that's an option for you, too? Also relevant: vanity sizing. You may be an 8 somewhere, but somewhere else you're a 4. It's really hard to get an accurate measurement of your size through clothing because this sort of "fake sizing" runs amok now. I use a tape measurer to gauge my size, but I only use it once a month. I would also suggest counseling. It's helping me a lot. If you can't afford counseling, this book is awesome. Best of luck to you--you can PM me if you want to talk more. :)
Based on your words, I suspect this book may be more than helpful. It was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author. It's not expensive, (may be in the library), and starts the process of improving your state of mind almost immediately.
Do you wake up, or rather, do you startle awake, instantly anxious?
Anxiety, ADD, OCD, Depression, are all a function of memory. Do you have symptoms in these other areas?
I take meds 4x/day for anxiety, plus a slow-release med. It's nice to slow the world down once in a while.
You can also take a look at this. It was recommended to me by my therapist, and changed my life for the better.
I'm not a professional. However, in my opinion you have textbook case of severe depression. Have a look at /r/Depression. Not that there's any easy help, but most people find solace in realizing they're not alone.
I'd highly recommend Feeling Good by David Burns. It also includes a scale for depression and I'm guessing you're scoring high. (Feeling worthless, motivating yourself to do anything is hard, sucidal...). You can cough, cough find it as a pdf on the internet if you're not able to get your hands on a physical copy.
Do me, and yourself, a favor and read the book. You have little to lose and much to gain. There are ways of dealing with this.
This goes without saying, but obiviously, anyone with sucidal thoughts should seek professional help immediately and not simply rely on a book.
>any free-to-use website should not be counted as any more valid than any other free-to-use website, meaning not at all for purposes of meaningful discussion
Seriously though, you should get help. You're going around calling yourself Subhuman Trash, ranting at people on the internet, assuming you automatically know their positions and motives, and are defending a notoriously dishonest website. You don't have to live like that and there is no reason to.
If you are in a tight financial situation where you don't have the time/money to see a therapist, you should check out do-it-yourself Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Here is one my professor recommended to the class, it's a new take on eastern meditative reflection to be more applicable and easy-to-use in the modern world, and it's been shown to be extremely effective.
I found [link] to be a very useful book. The exercises didn't feel immediately useful, but things sunk in and it got me over a few problems I was having. There's lots in there you won't like, but you should be able to find a few things that fit.
I don't know if its your kind of book but, "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns, is a self-help book. I read around and it had a lot of good reviews. And is really something of a seller.
I bought it and read the first 50'ish pages, but then started going to a psychologist instead, so I never did finish it. But it should help, look into one self, and try to look into why you aren't happy and such.
Cognitive psychology I believe it was called.
Again, only an advice! Good luck, and take care.
Thanks a lot for your input.
I've heard about Brain Lock from several sources. I just might have to pick it up, as my therapist even recommended that I do some reading. I've never really been much on self-help books, but some of the insights I've obtained by reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy has helped in several ways (though not nearly enough).
The steps that you outlined seems very rooted in CBT, and re-reading them sounds almost too simple and good to be true. However, my therapist gave me a handout that outlined almost identically what you have mentioned. Thanks again for that, and I might start practicing that (along with mindfulness).
Hi. How are you doing?
If you want to vent, let me help you. PM me.
Also if you want to talk about specifics drop by /r/depression.
If you want to try something that might help you, try this book. It has been recommended by some people on that thread. You can usually find a copy online if you look for it.
All the best!
Hmm. It still sounds like you manage the mother of all cases of performance anxiety each time. I, your perfect internet stranger, suggest counseling, specifically for sexual dysfunction. You might benefit from post-hypnotic suggestion or some other semi-exotic aid to get you right.
In all seriousness, I would start thinking of this from a medical point of view. You do seem to have taken enough varied approaches that a "next step" is in order. In the meantime let yourself off the hook! Let yourself up, give yourself a break, lighten up on yo' bad self. You accomplish only negative things with the negative thinking.
I am going to verge close to annoying here and offer this book, which helped Old_School get out of a "loop depression" (I don't know how to describe it, it was depression,and maybe a touch of OCD, maybe) a few years back. The book's been around for a while, so it's probably available at the library.
If you aren't already reading Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, it is the bible of cognitive-behavioral therapy, the most common and maybe most effective therapy for the broadest range of psychological ills. It's what many therapists will give you on day 1, and get you to work through as you go through therapy. It's worth it's weight in gold.
The basis is that your thoughts determine your emotions. The things you tell yourself constantly (most of which you don't even notice), lead to the way you feel. And unhealthy attitudes come from distorted thinking. So there are about 12 common ways people bend the truth when they think, or talk to themselves in their minds. If you analyze the things you are telling yourself, and diligently seek out any of those cognitive distortions and correct them, and do that for long enough, you will change your deep-seated beliefs, and your emotions will follow. It really works well, if you really do it and do it right. You can't cut corners.
There are a lot of little tricks in there for all kinds of problems in life - conquering procrastination, self-esteem, and relationship issues. That last one was extremely helpful to me.
Awesome, its incredible to hear that a work of art inspired you to continue living. You should share your experience with the devs at bioware.
Alos, now that you have some clarity please seek out help for your depression. Depression is a normal case of "the blues" and needs to be taken on aggressively like the lethal illness, and leading cause of teenage death it is.
AT the very least I would buy This Book
It was the first thing I came across about Cognitive Behavior Therapy and even today its sticks close to me. Its a popular book and chances are good your local library even has a copy.
Depression is caused by a dysfunction of the brain and thought patters that support it. Depression is not "you" is it something alien to yourself that can be beaten and dealt with. Depression can be triggered by periods of sadness, the confusion of building an ego as a teenager, and life events, but depression is not at all "normal." You also don't just snap out of it.
The book is a great start and if you are 16 you likely are on your parents health plan. See if you can get therapy. And its ok if you have to go through a couple therapists to find one that works well for you.
Life is a wonderful thing and there will be lots of great works of art like Dragon Age 3 you would miss out on if you check out early. Hang in there and find some help with the clarity you have found before the depression monster comes back to bite you again. That way when he comes back you will be armed and ready to fight him off and get back to living life.
Got a couple books for you to read while you wait. One is "Feeling Good." It is about how to use congnitive behavioral therapy to feel better. CBT therapy focuses on changing how to you talk to yourself. One of the things I saw you say is "this shit always happens. There is always a roadblock anytime I try to do anything." It's called "stinking thinking"--whenever you find yourself using the word always, you are "forecasting the future" and saying nothing in your life will change. So instead tell yourself--Even though I think things always go wrong for me, I realize that's stinking thinking. I tried coming to this thread and got responses from people who supported me and gave me suggestions of new stuff to try. If everything went badly for me always, everyone would have yelled at me and no one would have tried to support me. So I can't say that bad things will always happen to me--I've already proved that wrong. Therefore, I have to believe that good things will happen in the future."
My favorite book--
Been there. I know exactly what you are going through. Many excellent suggestions in the replies. I will just recommend a book that helped me a great deal (even more than therapy) to get out of the blues. It's Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. Highly recommended. The basic premise if your thoughts are the cause of your feelings. Change the thoughts and feelings will change. It sounds too simplistic, but it worked wonders in my case.
Feeling Good. Even if you don't have depression or anxiety, it's worth a read to see how easily cognitive distortions can cloud your thinking. He gives a list of the 10 most common ones he sees with patients early in the book.
Read this. The best 8 bucks I've spent to help me out of anxiety and depression. It uses logical reasoning to help you with your mindset.
I would say that you really need to focus on when you use "negative" talk.
Focus on what it is, realize that when you use negative talk, you are over-emphasizing whatever it is you are feeling bad about, and then correct it with a positive statement. I think the really important thing is to write this shit down, otherwise you just turn your wheels in your head.
Google "David Burns Work Sheets" for some good cognitive therapy related stuff that will really make you think, this is of course if you have a basic understanding of what cognitive therapy is, if you read at least 25% of the book i suggested or something like it.
This was recommended to me by my therapist many years ago. I ignore his advice for about 10 years. I recently picked it up and found it helpful.
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy -- There's a workbook as well, but I don't have that, so I don't know how useful it might be.
I hope you found something to help you with your struggles.
hey you should check out this Feeling Good by David Burns. It really helped me with dealing with negative thinking and low self-worth. Give it a try.
Feeling Good by David Burns is one of the classic CBT books written for the layperson. The language can be a little dated, but it's a pretty good resource. If you're seriously thinking of using CBT with clients, however, I'd recommend biting the bullet and paying for a real treatment manual. Professional resources are expensive, but you want to make sure that you have a complete understanding of the material before you use it on clients.
Maybe this isn't the kind of response you're looking for, I don't know. A few months ago I had sunk really, really low. I couldn't afford to see my therapist. I refused to go to the doctor for fear that they'd tell me nothing was wrong. I bought this book ([link]), and it was actually very helpful. I never finished it, but just starting to read it and making a few positive changes, and actually acknowledging that I had a problem, was enough to get me to start making the changes I needed to get back on my feet again. It probably could have been any self help book to be honest (I just needed something to get the momentum started), but this one was recommended to me by someone so I figured I'd give it a shot.
Hmm...It could be the therapists you had or maybe it's just not for you...you might check out this book: Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy By David Burns
I am not at all into self-help books but my Mom gave this to me a few years back and there's actually a lot of really useful stuff in there...not just some dude telling you to "buck-up" or describing how awesome everything is...it actually outlines specific mental exercises you can do as part of cognitive behavioral therapy. You might even be able to find a PDF version online for free. I'm not sure.
I can recommend you this book. It really helped me a lot and it gives you techniques to overcome your negative thinking patterns. It goes really well with therapy.
It's also worth checking out a book called 'Feeling Good' by Doctor Burns. I'd be lying if I said it cured me of all my anxiety / depression but it has set me on the right track and has made me feel better about myself.
I suggest this book: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
It has helped me understand my feelings and helped me emerge from a suicidal depression.
Basically, thoughts emit feelings, and those thoughts are based on a chain of internalized assumptions that are subject to particular set of logical fallacies. Suicidal depression is the outcome of a situation where the sufferer is in such intense and inescapable internal pain such that suicide seems to be the only escape. This book helped me recognize that all situations are solvable, and that emotional pain is something that can be controlled with conscious thought and practice.
Sorry for your loss. Seems like you have to endure a lot. I know it must be tiring, but you're resilient and you'll rise above all the negativity. Please don't believe the bullshit your parents try to program you with. You'll rise above it. Some things taht helped me:
-self-compassion.org is basically about how to be kind to yourself the same way you'd like to be nice to someone else
-the book "Feeling Good" sounds super corny but its about cognitive behavorial therapy. how to reprogram your automatic negative thoughts.
Getting over depression requires practice. Some days you just want to curl up in a ball. Other days you'll find energy to make yourself stronger. Cloudy days don't mean that the sun will never shine again. Brighter days ahead.
I recently had a bout with it and it sucks yeah :V
I started spending more time away from my computer/electronics and spent time with friends or going on nature walks. Just kept myself distracted.
The only other thing I could recommend would be cognitive behavioural therapy. I found a clinic that offered free help if I didn't make enough and that was the only therapy they offered for my depression and even after one session I did start feeling better.
Unfortunately I moved away before I could complete the course, but I bought a book about CBT called Feeling Good and it helped me out immensely.
The only thing I can really say is that involuntary childhood therapy onset by a loss/traumatic event and voluntary adult therapy are two separate breeds. I think it is pretty obvious how unhappy you are, and especially how unhappy you are with her. You are in this relationship by your own actions, so by those same actions that you can control, you can forge your own path to happiness.
If you absolutely can't talk to anyone, there are many good books out there for depression. Feeling Good really helped me out.
Hey! So, i know this will probably get buried in all these other wonderful comments, and that's okay - I just want you, /u/thisyearbetteryear, to hopefully see it! Basically, I see a lot of my past self in your post - how you seem to constantly want to be better and because of that you can't appreciate the current state... all that yada yada and so on and so forth. But, hey, if i could send myself a book a decade ago, I really would have sent myself this book. It seems really cheesy but it really helps you learn how to watch they way you mentally shape your situations. Things like letting small details overwhelm you (like OMG if that one skin feature wasn't like it was) and being unsatisfied by imperfections... i don't want to bore you - but really. You have so much of your life in front of you. Do yourself a favor - read like the first chapter of this book. Some of it might seem obvious, and obviously some of it you're already catching on to, but please... just give it a go and read some of it anyway. It might make a big difference in your life. Or it might not. But it's like six dollars, it's probably hella cheaper than what you've spent on la roche porshay ;).
I wandered around in an alcohol-fueled depression for five years after I trashed a great relationship. What a waste of time. Which is just what OP is doing, wasting time on something that will never get better.
Cut ALL contact. Get into therapy (a social worker can be a therapist, you don't need a shrink), and pick up this book. It's been out for years, so it's probably available at your local library.
I was in a bad mental place years ago, and Dr. Burns' book had me looking differently at life after the first chapter. I attribute my ability to get off anti-depressants entirely within a year or so to reading this book. YMMV.
My bf just holds me and says he's here in a comforting way. Sometimes he asks questions or listens to me if I want to talk it out. He just says we will get through this. It helps me. Going for hikes or long walks outside helps me a lot.
She should look into the methods of helping depression, like eating and sleeping well, getting outdoor activity like walks or exercise, learning how to cope with and express her pain. Therapy or books on the subject might help. Look up this book for her. The reviews speak for themselves. [link]
Do you already adress your depression by seeing a therapist? If you don't want to seek a therapist, i can recommend this self-help book:
Also, get your blood tested for deficiencies and allergies, as they can cause depression or depression like symptoms. Lifting can really support the healing process of depression, so keep up the work and get the gains your aiming for. I wish you all the best.
My therapist asked me to get Feeling Good by David Burns during our first session. She used it as a primer to teaching me CBT.
>The problem is that I am not sure how to do it unconciously.
Same thing I talked about with negative thought patterns. You condition unconscious behavior by repetitive conscious behavior. Relax those eye muscles 100k times and your brain will figure out to keep them relaxed.
>I believe that this basically has to do with tons of fears that are build because of the fear of not being enough and not being loved. I have always searched for external validation because I was unhappy on the insight.
You should look into cognitive behavioral therapy. Check out the bood: Feeling good: The New Mood Cure. It's basically the guidebook on how to identify and stop the negative thinking patterns that lead to dysfunctional emotions (Depression, self-loathing).
>I made mistakes I regret and that hunt me every day. I can't change it and I didn't do them from a conscious mindset. How to deal with that? I have no idea! I could be talking with people but I am not sure if it would be good.
>I just want to get my eyesight back.
Keep the possibility in mind that you may have organic dysfunction in the eye that can not be fixed. Not everything can be healed.
Read this book: [link]
The negative thoughts you have about yourself are not real! You can beat this. I've been dealing with mild depression for a long time and only really realized it within the past few months. Your life is worth living and there are people that care deeply about you that would be devastated if you were not around. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing the things your brain tells you, but believe me, they are not real and you can change them!
What I think is that folks that classify doing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as only the fellowship have missed the mark.
If one does not engage in the inventory process that is steps 4 & 5 & 10 & 11, then one is not actually doing Alcoholics Anonymous.
I had to go through 2 sponsors until I met a third that had a process of analysis, one might say psychiatric-like-analysis, that is the process of taking inventory and sharing that inventory with someone else.
We do it for fun and for free but basically it is the psychiatric analysis that Freud, Jung, David D. Burns, M.D. took from the ancients. Some really early philosophers said something like, "The un-examined life is not worth living" and so we examine our lives. We check the results of the experiments that we've run and try new things where we didn't like the results. It might serve all of us in recovery to take a moment or two and study the origins of psychiatric analysis and how it has changed over the years.
I would also like to put a plug in for therapeutic drugs. I've met some folks that are off their meds and realize that some folks have congenitally present problems that can't be AA'd away. There are folks that need to be managed.
I wonder just how many folks in AA actually do inventory like it is laid out in the book? Maybe 5 to 10 percent? Maybe.
Try reading a couple chapters (about 40-50 pages) of this book. You can skip the foreword and other verbiage at the beginning. Dr. Burns helps you identify negative behaviors and thought patterns so you can eliminate them. I use it like a reference book if I think I'm getting depressed or just out of kilter.
There's no jargon and no cult stuff, just plain English, a self-assessment and more. I got off anti-depressants a while after I read the book.
Anger is similar to depression, some would say depression is anger turned inside. If you have an excess of anger to the point that exercising is not enough, perhaps there is deeper issue?
There is an exercise in the book "Feeling Good" that is very good at helping you identify you thoughts that are upsetting you. They book is based on identifying your inner hamster and replacing these thoughts with more logical ones.
you can get it for $.01 used on amazon, or $0 pdf bit torrent. Buy the hard copy, I do this exercise twice a week. I really wish we could get this book referenced more in this sub. It is well know that many of use are hit with the angry phase -- this is great tool for getting past that.
I recommending getting the book Feeling Good by David Burns. This is what I'm using for my CBT. It's been around since 1980 and provides solid research for the effectiveness of its techniques. The important part is you must do the exercises everyday. The book is insightful and easy to read but useless if you do not do the exercises.
Indeed, shrooms can relieve symptoms for a while but cannot cure depression. They can give you amazing insights into why you are feeling this or that, but in any case no psychs will cure you. Seek a therapist and work on the integration of your insights, and work on everything else, because depression can be very complex and deeply rooted. Don't take a huge dose thinking the stronger the better, especialky if you have a mental condition.
Stay safe, meditate, seek a therapist, start acting and read this:
Feeling Good by David Burns. Give it a shot. The whole book wont apply to you so it'll be more "pick and choose" for the chapters that apply. I just went through a major life change. It caused me to develop serious depression and anxiety. This book was recommended to me and it's definitely helping on my tougher days. Hang in there, buddy!
Recomendo esse livro aqui, me ajudou bastante:
Eu sei que não é um livro que vai resolver o problema de uma vida, mas progresso é sempre progresso, e terminando a faculdade deve ter bem menos estresse na sua vida.
Outra coisa que me ajuda
That's rough and I can understand why you have anxiety, that kind of pressure is a lot. Just do your best to get a good rest in a night so that you are ready to go in the morning, or even set things out for yourself the night before to save time. Doing things to ensure time saving can also be kinda cathartic, like cooking a huge meal that /r/MealPrepSunday would be proud of to eat for the week.
You can do this. It will take some extra work and be trying, but you can do it.
Edit: Also the book Feeling Good might be useful while you aren't able to seek therapy. It's essentially a CBT selfguide?
If you aren't already familiar with it, may I recommend the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Best of luck with reducing your anxiety! It can definitely be done, I used to suffer from near-constant anxiety but rarely experience anxiety anymore.
I had a therapist recommend me this book.. Haven't gotten around to reading it, but it's pretty cheap. Not the best idea, but smoking used to help me. I've since stopped, but back when things would get bad, I'd step out for a cigarette and that gave me a bit of a "break" from life and worries.
Also, did you try different schools of therapy? Most of mine used CBT which never helped. My new one is switching it up and I feel it's more helpful.
And if it's not too personal, how many antidepressants did you try? I went through 5 SSRIs/SNRIs that didn't help and gave pretty nasty side effects. Currently, I'm on bupropion and buspar. They don't really feel like they're helping, but they don't have any real side effects. It might be worth trying a new class of meds depending on your insurance. Except abilify, none ever cost me more than a few bucks.
Edit: Oh yeah, this will depend entirely on what your doctor says, but I developed secondary ADHD inattentive type due to depression. I started taking adderall for that and it helps a lot. But I don't think they use it in most cases because the come down can be really rough.
We're I you, OP, I would print out what this poster said and tape it to a mirror. I have a few tidbits to add:
My therapist recommended me this book: Feeling Good
It's not going to cure you or anything but I found it very enlightening. Firstly, it'll help you realize what you're feeling isn't completely foreign and can be understood. Secondly, it'll give you some quick and easy techniques to help change some of your thinking. I've always considered myself a very logical person but sometimes you don't realize how far astray you can get in certain areas.
I'd check it out, most local libraries will have it. It's a bit on the larger side but you can easily skip around to the relevant sections.
Drugs aren't the only solution but they are a powerful one. Have you met with a therapist yet? It sounds like you really need someone to guide you in combating your anxiety. You should also give meds a chance, they aren't perfect but they are definitely a big help to many people. You can check out info on meds on the sidebar plus there's some guides on meditation if you're willing to give that another go.
Also, I'm going to shove the book Feeling Good out there for you because it's a great CBT based book for Depression and Anxiety, and would be a useful tool in the mean time while you look for a therapist or consider meds/what have you.
That is pretty tough but even so. You have an illness and they cannot hold that against you. It's okay to be scared. You're going through a really tough time right now and your brain isn't really being your friend.
Do your best to reach out to any staff member you feel comfortable talking to, or attempt to speak with your doctor about getting in touch with your schools disability department. You have a disability and it should be recognized. I also am just gonna throw this link out there Feeling Good is a CBT based book for anxiety and depression, and can help you to work on your anxiety. You can also PM me if you liked to chat, and there's some great resources on this subs hotbar/side bar.
I'm sorry it sucks so much right now, but you can get better and you will.
I have a couple things to suggest here.
The book Feeling Good is a clinically proven method of dealing with Depression and Anxiety. It would be a helpful tool in between seeing a therapist.
You should try and see a therapist/counsellor through your school, they can help you work on opening up to people to make deeper friendships.
Meds are important. So important. you should be treating mental illness like any other illness. If you had a lung infection you would take meds for it would you not? Side effects can suck but finding the right medication can be a huge win in terms of gaining a hold of control over your anxiety. I know it's hard to accept taking meds, I myself haaate taking meds because I hate being dependent on something even if there's no "addiction", but I still take my meds because I know at the end of the day I'm better off for it, and in some cases if I don't take my meds I end up in a lot of pain. In terms of anxiety, you end up dealing with a lot of unnecessary mental pain that meds can help with.
See a therapist for some cognitive behavior training. You can get some great tools that will help you throughout you life. It is so worth it. Middle school and college counselor are great resources or you can look for services provided by public or private organizations.
Great book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
The people who love you would not be happier if you were gone. They love you! They would miss you and be sad, feel guilty, get upset.
It's good that you recognize that suicide isn't the answer and are taking steps to get help. You go, girl! Definitely get a therapist, and have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's specifically helpful for interrupting repetitive thoughts like this. The main book is Feeling Good, I've friends who found it very helpful.
Good luck! Hang in there! Lots of people have this problem, there is help available. You're not alone.
If you have not read this book, you should. It was recommended to me by my therapist.
Dr. Burns shows you how to analyze your thought patterns to eliminate negative attitudes and recurring negative thoughts. He does this with no pop-psych, no jargon, no "twelve-step"s, just plain English, asking you to rate yourself in response to specific questions, and then describing how best to improve some things, and eliminate others. For instance, he says (paraphrasing) "If you walk around saying "I should do this, or I should do that...you're living a shouldy kind of life...
I felt more confident in myself and my thoughts after one chapter. YMMV. It's been in print for 20 years, so it's probably available at the library.
I have social anxiety too. I was advised to read this book. Unfortunately it was hard to read for me, mostly because english is my second language but also because I got bored with it. Anyway, there are books about it and there are people specialized in it. It seems efficient.
@ OP: Go to the library, pick up this book. I felt more in control, more sure of my decisions after finishing the first chapter.
Understand, I detest self-help books, but Dr. Burns shows how to eliminate all that negative thought, letting the real you take over. This was recommended to me by my therapist who has met the author.
@ OP: Give yourself some tools. This book has just had its twentieth anniversary. It was recommended to me by my therapist. I despise self-help books. This one is different. I felt better mentally, more sure of myself after finishing only the first chapter.
I attribute my being able to stop anti-depressants a few months after reading Dr. Burns' book to the ideas and questions I learned that enable me to see a situation as what it is, not what my (formerly) unhappy, unfocused mind is telling me it is.
I recommend a technique called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." It's designed to get you to acknowledge how your thoughts shape your emotions, and see how you often see things that are not negatives in a negative light, thus shaping yiur reality for the worst. If you want to do a bit of research, you can read this book. To find a therapist who practices CBT, do a Google search for "Cognitive behavioral therapy" and the city where you live.
As far as alternatives: if you are open to medication, then talk to your doctor about Prozac. I took it, and it had calming effects that helped me deal with issues I was having (I did a course of CBT while taking it, and encourage you to do the same). You can also look into a meditation technique called "mindfulness." Do a YouTube search on the word "mindfulness" to learn some of the techniques. You will make the best progress when you pursue therapy, medication, and meditation, since they all complement each other well.
In addition to medication and CBT, exercise, meditation, and better work habits (stress is a big factor that contributes to my depression) all help.
Early sobriety is really an emotional rollercoaster. I was swinging all over the place for several months. It took a while to settle down and realize that depression was an issue for me. When I did get treatment, I was in a place where I could work on it and really make progress.
Burns' "Feeling Good" was the best $6 I've ever spent on myself. It was suggested to me for anger issues, but helped a lot with my depression.
@ OP: Get your hands on a copy of this book. You sound like you may have a bit of the perfectionist in you. This book just celebrated its 20th successful year of helping people help themselves.
Don't take me wrong, This was recommended to me by my therapist. I despise self-help books. This one is different. I knew that when I realized I had finished the first chapter in one evening, and I felt better, more sure of my decisions than I had in months, maybe longer.
I stopped needing my anti-depressants within a year, a fact I attribute to what I learned from Dr. Burns.
It's probably at the local library.
I really identify with what you wrote, and I feel like two things that have helped me might help you and anyone else who reads this:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy By Dr. David Burns, a book that teaches you about CBT and how to apply it
meditation. Seriously, find a guided meditation app/videos like take10 and pick it up when you're feeling stressed. I'm trying to make it a daily habit because when I do it consistently I feel much better about myself. It's like the next level of taking a moment and just enjoying being alive.
This person could be an ally in your fight. You are selling yourself short. Check the library to see if this book is there. It's been in print for twenty years. Dr. Burns gives you insight into your thought process that you never had before. A feeling has to be a thought first.
I was astounded at how much better I felt after finishing just the first chapter.
@ OP: I was in a tough mental spot a few years back. My therapist recommended this book to me.
I don't like self-help books. Many are the equivalent, for one reason or another, of telling you to lift yourself by the hair. This one is different. There's no pop psychology, no jargon. Plain talk in learning new ways to look at how you process information, how you perceive yourself, and the language forms you use to think and make decisions.
I was amazed at how much better I felt, more sure of my decisions, after finishing just the first chapter.
I'll give you one that's not from Dr. Burns' work, but sounds just like his stuff: If you refer to yourself by your given name when dealing with a negative situation, you give your own psyche a break by elevating yourself to the level of "good friend", instead of that dufus you always yell at when he screws up (the self). Think about it.
I realized I had stumbled on to this form sometime around the time I stopped taking ant-depressants, probably a coincidence.
I think there is much truth to the saying "We always see other people's "highlight reels" while we constantly show ourselves our "blooper reels".
I highly recommend this book, the quintessential CBT book by David Burns, first published in 1980, but this is a 2008 reprint. Honestly even for the non-depressed it is an interesting read full of useful insights and advice.
This book helped me a lot.
your feelings are your own responsibility
Others can stimulate certain emotions, but it is your mindset that decides what emotion you should feel from it. (Ex. Someone can punch you, some people get mad, some people get sad, some people just don't care or stay calm.)
Your feelings aren't always true and rational. I used to think that "I need to study more. I'm inferior. I am lazy." But look at things objectively. You can't be just one type. You can be lazy from time to time, but you can also be diligent.
Distinguish your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings are happy, sad, calm, joyful and so on. You can't say "I feel like eating." You are hungry. "I feel like I'm going to die because I have so much to do." No, that's not a feeling. That's a thought. Distinguish them.
Like the person above said, keep a journal. Go see a therapist. It's not just for people with problems. It'll help you organize your thoughts. I'm glad you can talk to your sister.
Your friends are also your support network. Just like your sister, form many relationships that will emotionally fulfill you.
Love yourself before anything. Be okay with who you are. Love yourself for who you are. Don't let things like not getting laid get you down. You are more than "someone who doesn't get laid."
Oh, and here is a reference for the cognitive distortions:
The doctor who wrote this is the one who introduced these types of cognitive distortions, I think.
I've only read the first 3 chapters of it, took the small diagnostic quizzes and such, but they've helped a lot, really.
I only had an ebook for it, though, so maybe you can find a copy online.
Feel free to take it slow. My brain fog back then was so bad I couldn't take in more than 2 paragraphs without spacing out. There are also tests to help you remember some of the things talked about (useful, because being able to identify when your thoughts are tinted with cognitive distortions is a good way to combat them and start to improve your thinking patterns.)
I was only doing 2 pages a day when I read it, so really, if you're feeling like shit and can't think, it's okay to take it at an easy pace.
This book was recommended to me by a therapist and helped a lot. It's really good for helping prevent those irrational, dark, spiralling out of control thoughts that can happen. Medication can also help when you feel like you really, rationally shouldn't be depressed at some particular time, but something in your body just seems to be causing it.
First: So what are you going to do to change it?
Second Here's a book that was recommended to me by my therapist.
This book (the first fifty pages) changed my outlook on life, got me off anti-depressants, and gave me the tools to beat back depression. It sounds like you might benefit from reading at least the first chapter.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so it's probably available at your local library.
This book saved my life. I do recommend it.
I guarantee you can get it at your local library if you don't have the cash for it. I really, really, really urge you to read it and try the exercises in it.
Read the first forty-five (or so) pages of this book.
It was recommended to me by my therapist. I feel reading this book is the reason I was able to stop anti-depressants within a year. This was about ten years ago. The book's been out for twenty years, so it's probably available at the library.
This is important because you are talking about changing a fundamental part of your personality. I'd recommend trying a course of therapy called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (or CBT). If you want to read up on this approach and decide whether or not it is worth pursuing, David Burn's Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is a seminal introduction.
Also if you deal with anxiety or depression, I would highly recommend this book. You'll find that polyamory is a huge learning experience about yourself. You'll find emotions you don't expect. Insecurities will be amplified if you have them. Joy will be wonderful when it comes. Sadness is more bearable because you have people to talk to and lean on.
If one medication doesn't work you try another.
If one therapist doesn't work you try another!!
You might have to try another over and over again. People usually have to try a bunch before something works well.
See if there are support groups for depression (or other relevant issue) to join.
Exercise is a good immediate relief, and if it hasn't worked try anaerobic exercise (weights/resistance). Lactic acid is tied directly to the motivation system, which is what's broken in depression.
While depression is largely biological it is usually exacerbated by circumstance (primed in nature -> triggered by nurture). If she isn't in therapy, she can at least start learning cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to quell pessimism and such. This book is A+ It sounds like she got overwhelmed. :(
Thank you for being kind and understanding and willing to help. Ultimately, however, it's up to her to do the hard work.
I encourage her to post up stuff about her life history and feelings. Talking to weirdo strangers online is still helpful :)
Got a good book for you. It was recommended to me by my therapist. If you can be honest with yourself while answering (1-5 scale) self-evaluation questions at several points in the first chapter, you might find a POV you didn't know was there.
It changed my life for the better.
There is a way out.
I was in therapy (and am again, thank goodness if you don't have someone you can trust to talk to, your brain fills up with extra stuff you don't need, but that's another story) and was recommended a book. Now I am wise enough to know that if you hire an expert, you should fucking listen to his/her expert advice, right? So I read the book. My depression lifted like early-morning fog burning off. Within a year, I was completely clear of psychotropics (anti-depressants) within a year.
I'm not at all a fan of "self-help" books, but this one is different. There's no jargon, no mumbo-faith-bullshit-jumbo. The author was so successful with this book because it works, and it starts working almost as soon as you start reading. Yes, I mean that. If you can read for comprehension, you're halfway there. Seriously
I link this so you can check out reviews. 4.5 stars from about a bazillion customers.
My experience was that I read the first chapter in one night. Fifty pages. There are self evaluations, but the questions, or rather the answers you give will tell you, if you are honest with yourself, right then and there some of the things you need to do...or sometimes stop doing -example - the evaluations will force you to realize that, for instance, you always refer to yourself, in your head, as "a loser" when you make a mistake. This, IIRC, is "Mis-characterization". You are not a "loser". You are a person who made a mistake. It's how we learn, sometimes.
As someone who lived through a bunch of mental self-abuse, I can verify how liberating, how uplifting it is when your worst critic-yourself- finally gives you a break. And then another, and another. You learn how to be a friend to yourself instead of allowing self-destructive behaviors to continue and flourish.
It's been in print for twenty years, so it's a good bet you can find it at your local library.
There is a book you might find helpful.
It is called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
It teaches people how to take of emotions with cognitive therapy.
Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that our emotions are caused by what we believe and what we think.
Many emotions that are strongly negative and overly negative for the situation are often based on irrational belief. Cognitive therapy teaches people how to identify these irrational beliefs, how to dispute them, and how to modify them to be more rational and fit with reality more. As those thoughts and beliefs adapt to be more rational the amount of negative emotions reduce.
Cognitive therapy has been proven clinically to be as effective as many medications for depression, anxiety, and other issues.
It isn't likely everything you need, just the way that brushing & flossing isn't everything you need for mental health. You still need a dentist. You should probably still seek out counseling. However, the book can teach how to take care of yourself somewhat and take the edge off of your troubles.
First off: Yes, I know the feeling. And I know the feeling of still trying to fight "this" sucks too, it almost hurts.
Second: Realize that if you want to not feel lonely, you can. Both in that you can not feel lonely while being just with yourself (which is something everyone needs to learn to not be unhappy or function in a long lasting relationship) and by socializing with people.
Third: Realistically go through why whatever you've tried until now hasn't worked, and try something else.
Always: Remember that what you feel or think is correct about you or other people is probably at least somewhat incorrect, as it's all colored by your circular thinking patterns. The more you think something, the more you believe it, the more it colors your perspective. The more you remember something while in a certain mood, the more that memory (or thought) will be changed according to that mood. Every time you remember something, that memory changes.
Finally: I really recommend this book: [link]
It's about cognitive behaviour therapy. It science, but down to earth and practical for every day life.
PS: Every club I've joined, I've joined without a friend. If you join a club just for meeting people, obviously you'll feel like shit. Join a club to have fun. Be interested. Interested people are interesting to other people. See above about being okay with yourself first. I know it's hard.
Hey! Congrats on taking action for yourself! Even making a post is doing that!
Try using this tool to browse for therapists near you. put in your zip code, a mile distance, and other issues to start.
While i'm more on the anxiety disorder side of things and less the mood disorder side like yourself, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is generally useful for many basic issues if you use it correctly, just try to stay away from Psychoanalysis if you can.
A book I would definitely reccomend is Feeling Good by David Burns. It does sound self helpy and gimmicky, but it's not. It introduces you to the basics of CBT, cognitive distortions and evidence collecting excercises that you can do on your own or with help from a therapist.
Just know that MANY more people than you think deal with mental health issues. It's something like 1 in 5 in the U.S. It's my dream that within my lifetime we can see mental health hygiene policies be implemented by institutions and organizations throughout the country with the same depth and totality that toilets and handwashing were in the early 20th century.
Good luck! You aren't alone!
Not sure about MBCT but a good book on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy: an older version: [link]) is [link]
That’s a great read! Not only it explains what you are going through but reading or listening to the audiobook has been studied and proven to help AS therapy!
I highly recommend it.
Good job being aware of your challenges!
Good job noticing your patterns!
Good job admitting your thoughts!
I feel like you are already quite powerfully advancing toward a strongly useful wisdom.
Practice is simple yet difficult as you already pointed out.
Yet that’s the way: keep moving forward with it.
Finally keep in mind that sometimes this could be attributed to a high personality trait of neuroticism. There is s positive and negative about it.
One positive part of it is that you are more inclined to be able to care for children or relate to people in need.
Check out the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's a pretty useful in identifying ways in which we can change the way we feel by changing our thoughts, among other things. It's helping me work out my anxiety/tendency to be depressed, ect.
For me, this one did the trick or at least made me understand
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
As someone who overcame severe depression and was on 200mg of Zoloft at one point in my life...you need to get professional help for yourself. First and foremost: take care of YOU. You won't be able to help dogs until you help yourself and you need to do it because YOU ARE WORTH THAT.
That doesn't mean quit Wag. That means prioritizing you so you can work as you get better (and work on yourself). The only thing that helped me was therapist who specialized in depression, anxiety, and PTSD (my issues). Here is a book that helped me (used in conjunction with therapy- it is somewhat of a workbook since it has exercises):
I would still walk dogs as I got help as it's good for you to make money to help support yourself and it's good to get outside and not lock yourself up indoors (makes your depression worse). The exercise and dogs will help. I would place that second to the therapy. Focus should be on that. It isn't hopeless. It feels hopeless because that's what depression does. If you have supportive family, reach out to them too.
FWIW, that lady is a bitch. Don't worry about her. She doesn't matter and she is probably miserable in her own life. I'm sensitive too, but just let it go and if it helps wish her to get hemorrhoids (I do this for fellow assholes I encounter..makes me feel better anyway lol)
I am someone who has ADD-H and BPAD(2). I used to suffer from severe bouts of attention deficiency, inactivity to sudden focus, mood swings, anxiety, irritation, rage, existential crisis, and the list goes on and on. I am seeing a psychiatrist in Calcutta since 2014 and a clinical psychologist since June (this year). They have been really helpful for me. Not that I am completely healed, I still suffer from these problems, but I have tamed them a lot. In addition to that, I have been reading Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns and You are not your brain. These two books helped me a lot to get out of negative feelings, depression, et al. Also, the podcasts of Dr. David are really good and I highly recommend everyone to listen to them. They are based on a technique called T.E.A.M-CBT.
According to research (https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/2i875y/meditation_will_improve_your_life/) meditation is also beneficial for coping up with depression and here is a nice playlist of guided and unguided meditations. Studies have also shown that exercising regularly helps to cope up with anxiety, mood swings, and depression. Hence I have made it a point to exercise at least for 1 hour everyday. These are no substitute for medication and therapy, but they can alleviate your problems a lot, probably. In addition to these I want to highlight some apps and channels that can help with general motivation. The apps I recommend everyone to use on a personal basis are: Dynalist, Workflowy, Tick-Tick, and Habitbull. Some general motivational channels I'd recommend everyone to follow are: Sprouts, Thomas Frank, and Med School Insiders
Also, it is necessary to have an awareness about topics, like anxiety, depression, et al. So, below are few links from YouTube that can help you understand the topics in depth and spread general awareness, and if and only if you are convinced or feel that you may have a problem, you should seek professional help.
I would first try to think about why someone would have such an obsession. Is it boredom? Is it a form of validation? What is the reason(s) for it?
Once the person thinks about the potential causes, they can take the next step and see what strategies there are for addressing the issues involved. For instance, if it's boredom, then the person better get their ass moving and start a hobby or get involved with groups/activities/etc. If it's constantly seeking validation then they should seeing therapist for a few sessions to talk it out or to read a book such as https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0
Gotta figure out what the root causes are.
Congratulations on your decision to get help! You can do it. In you post history, I can see that you struggle with depression.
First, where are you located? Are you in Europe, in the US, somewhere else? In most places, you can find therapists. Are you still in school or studying? Many schools and universities offer free mental health councelling. Check those out! Depending on your situation, you might be able to qualify for government assistance. I am not in the US, but I believe you can check HealthCare.gov to find out if you qualify and take your next steps from there. If you don't qualify, there is a very cool blog post by a psychologist on how to get mental health care on a budget: http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-budget/
Let me quote from that article:
"This section is on ways to do therapy if you cannot afford a traditional therapist. There may also be other options specific to your area, like training clinics attached to colleges that charge “sliding scale” fees (ie they will charge you less if you can’t afford full price).
1. Bibliotherapy: If you’re doing a specific therapy for a specific problem (as opposed to just trying to vent or organize your thoughts), studies <em>generally find</em> that doing therapy out of a textbook works just as well as doing it with a real therapist. I usually recommend David Burns’ therapy books: <em>Feeling Good</em> for depression and <em>When Panic Attacks</em> for anxiety. If you have anger, emotional breakdowns, or other borderline-adjacent symptoms, consider a <em>DBT skills workbook</em>. For OCD, <em>Brain Lock</em>.
2. Free support groups: Alcoholics Anonymous is neither as great as the proponents say nor as terrible as the detractors say; for a balanced look, see <em>here</em>. There are countless different spinoffs for non-religious people or people with various demographic characteristics or different drugs. But there are also groups for gambling addiction, sex addiction, and food addiction (including eating disorders). There’s a list of anxiety and depression support groups <em>here</em>. Groups for conditions like social anxiety can be especially helpful since going to the group is itself a form of exposure therapy.
3. Therapy startups: These are companies like BetterHelp and TalkSpace which offer remote therapy for something like $50/week. I was previously more bullish on these; more recently, it looks like they have stopped offering free videochat with a subscription. That means you may be limited to texting your therapist about very specific things you are doing that day, which isn’t really therapy. And some awful thinkpiece sites that always hate everything <em>are also skeptical</em>. I am interested in hearing experiences from anyone who has used these sites. Until then, consider them use-at-your-own-risk." (end quote)
There are also sections on prescription medicine and on supplements in that article. Check it out!
If you are in a particularly bad spot or just need somebody to talk, there are lots of phone lines and services where you can call in for free. One example: https://www.crisistextline.org/depression/ (US-based).
There are also subreddits like /r/depression where you can get help from people who actually know what they are talking about.
Good luck and hang in there!
Don't worry so much about a specific diagnosis.
Your insecure feelings sound very normal in response to what you went through with your unfaithful ex. An experience like that can shake even the most solid, stable person. Forgive yourself for going through her phone. You seem to have a good understanding of what motivated that behavior and can control yourself from doing it again. A similar thing happened to me with my boyfriend. He was disappointed in himself and very sorry he violated my trust. He had similar insecurities as you and while that didn't exactly make it all better, it did take the sting out of what he did. I went on lockdown mode for a while and we gradually worked through it to where I can trust him again. That took a long time for me (2 years, really) but we stayed together.
I'd say, give her some space. I presume you did apologise for your actions. Now, you have the task of working through your anxieties. I believe this is best done with the assistance of a cognitive behavioral therapist. Basically, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps us look at our thoughts (which then influence our emotions, and then actions) and determine how true they are likely to be. For instance, when you see your girlfriend on her phone, you might automatically think she is talking to another guy. CBT says to look for evidence of how true this thought is- maybe a small chance she is chatting with someone else, but most likely is that she is just talking to a friend or scrolling through Reddit. Basically you choose what to believe. And by choosing the most likely scenario, you can manage your anxiety.
This book explains it well and I highly recommend it: [link]
I was treated for GAD (without meds) and experience little to no symptoms now. Feeling better IS possible. I don't think any counselor would say you are making things up. (If one DOES say that, RUN for the door and find someone else!)
Check out r/anxiety.
Once you have practiced that a bit, try to reconnect with her by sharing what you have learned. You will have to demonstrate your trustworthiness to her...words will only go so far. Have a plan in place for when you feel you might want to look through her stuff again...go take a walk instead or call a friend or hop on r/Anxiety and chat with someone. Keep a list going of other stuff you can do when you're feeling anxious. Eventually, make a list of positive thoughts you can tap into when the anxious rumination starts.
It's hard work, but I believe you can do it.
This book was recommenced by my therapist. I thought it was a great read and helps open your eyes a little bit. Most libraries seem to have it in stock.
Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy.
My therapist recommended this to me. It changed my life forever for the better. I hate self-help books. This one is different. It's been in print for >20 years. I have given several copies as gifts. There's no jargon, no BS, just a lot of smaller steps to better mental health. I wish I had a nickel for every time I have recommended this.
Don't let depressive symptoms get in the way of your faith. Treat it like it's a virus. You need to solve that problem first and seek professional help on top of all the advice given above. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Find a good counselor who can introduce you to CBT. All the above advice is good; but try this book too:
Read this book. It has an entire chapter on how to build your self-esteem! :)
Read this classic book. It has an entire chapter about anger.
Totally normal when cutting out a substance you were dependent on. I recommend this to anyone feeling any sort of mentally out of balance in any way. It's cheap and effective. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 . Best of luck and hope you feel normal again soon!
Read this classic self-help book for depression.
Read this classic self-help book.
+1 to "sounds like the meds need to be updated"
You sound really depressed. To be blunt (but also not an expert or anything) this is passive suicidal ideation, and not something to ignore.
It seems like you're familiar with depression from your past struggles, so you can tell the doc if you notice new features. Definitely mention you are kind of blah on existence!
I'm glad you still have perspective, and I hope you can feel better sooner rather than later. If you can swing it, there's a pretty good cheap book on CBT. It goes through how to notice and counteract negative thoughts that depression will constantly harass you with: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
Good luck and give it hell! Hit me up if you like; I've been wrestling this stuff for forever.
Read this book and learn how to think more realistically.
No, good for you for taking time off.
While you're out, get this book at your local library. It's a classic book that can help.
I'm glad you asked.
First, get this book. It's scientifically proven to help people beat depression. You can probably get it for free at your local library.
If you want to talk with a therapist, find one that does cognitive behavioral therapy. It's scientifically proven to work and it's basically just common-sense strategies you can use for life
Also, try to exercise 30 minutes a day. Take your kids on long walks in the park. Go swimming. Do something that builds up a sweat.
Try to pray and consider joining a church. Become Catholic. Religion helps a ton with depression.
Try to meditate. You can do YouTube ocean and relaxation videos on your cell phone or you can download the free "Insight Timer" app.
Try to live in the present moment. When your mind's wandering and you're thinking about the past or the future, bring it back to the present moment.
Good luck and keep in touch. If you do these strategies everyday, I guarantee you're going to feel better soon.
I've researched some scientifically proven life-long strategies you can use to overcome anxiety and depression and you can do these for life.
1.) Read the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. It's a classic self-help book. 70% of the people that read it are cured of their depression within a month. Or you can try cognitive behavioral therapy. Read the book first.
2.) Train yourself to live in the present moment. When your mind wanders and you start thinking negative thoughts, bring it back to the present moment.
3.) Pray and practice a religion. It's been scientifically proven that this greatly helps with depression.
4.) Exercise everyday. Do something that you can build a sweat. Maybe take off one day a week but try to exercise at least 30 minutes a day.
5.) Meditate. Download the free "Insight timer" app or listen YouTube videos of ocean sounds. This helps build gray matter in your brain which helps fight depression.
Do these things everyday and then catch up with me during the summer and let me know how you feel. I guarantee you'll feel a lot better.
Try getting this book at your local library. It's a classic self-help book for people with depression and anxiety. 70% of the people that read it get cured of depression with no other treatment.
Read this book. It's like having your own therapist.
Read this book:
It will help you build your self-esteem.
Tell him that panic attacks are not medically dangerous and to think of them as an adrenaline rush. Just let them wash over you like a wave from the ocean.
Also, tell him to read this book:
Read this book. It has an entire chapter on how to deal with difficult people.
Get this book, pronto. It is a classic self-help book that has an entire chapter devoted to suicide.
You can always get it at your local library.
Always live in the present moment and realize that whatever happens, "this too, shall pass."
Sorry for your loss.
This is terribly defeatist advise for a 15 year old with anxiety (a very common problem that affects many people, and does not stop them from pursuing and succeeding in challenging professions).
I would advise:
Anxiety sucks, but it doesn't have to stop you from doing what you want. Learn how to manage your anxiety. Check out this book, it's not for everyone, but it really helped me learn to manage my anxiety. It takes time, but those techniques really can help, and while a predisposition towards anxiety may never fully go away, if you learn how to manage it, it need not stop you from reaching your goals. Additionally, if you can see a therapist, especially a therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, go see one, and if advised by your therapist or doctor, consider medication.
I would also say:
Good job focusing on math and science, and good job looking for opportunities to prepare yourself for your future plans now. If you have time, you may also consider working as a dog walker/house sitter in your neighborhood. Try putting up fliers at the park and the supermarket. As a pet sitter, make sure to always show up when you say you are going to, no matter what, and make sure you respect your clients' wishes with their animals and their houses and you will quickly develop a good name for yourself.
Next year, you'll be old enough to get a job at a veterinarians office as a kennel hand -- your experience and good references volunteering (and maybe dog sitting), and your interest in science will make you a good candidate for these kinds of jobs.
If you get a job at a veterinary office pay attention, be polite, and work hard. Veterinarians have a lot of discretion about who gets to help with interesting work and who only gets to clean, and a good letter of recommendation from a veterinarian could help you get into the college you want.
If you don't get a job at a veterinary office, no worries, there are plenty of animal care and science related jobs available, even for a 16 year old. Even if you just end up working at your neighborhood ice cream shop, a reference who says you are conscientious and hard working will help you move to a job that is more in line with your interests later.
When you do go to college, take some classes in other fields and explore what careers are available. It's totally awesome to know what you want to do when you start college, but the first few years of college are also a great time to explore your options and see what kinds of things interest you that you may have never tried before. If you think you might like a particular career, find out how hard it is to get decent paying work in that career. Even if a particular profession sounds fun, not being able to make ends meet really takes the fun out of anything.
Here's a place to start:
Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns. Recommended to me by my therapist. Available at your local library.
You should read the self-esteem section in Feeling Good
Do you like reading books? If yes Feeling Good book is worth a read https://www.amazon.in/Feeling-GooD-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
Religion is for people looking for a righteous way to Heaven.
Spirituality is for those who have been to Hell. And do not wish to go beck.
We're a pretty spiritual bunch in SD, overall. Humility's not too hard to find among a bunch of folks who have taken hammers to their own clay feet in front of witnesses.
I heard a joke that could be every alky in the world: A man is walking along a road and he sees a guy on the side of the road, hitting himself in the head with a hammer, crying for a minute, and then hitting himself in the head again, crying, etc. So the passer-by walks over to the man and just as he's about to hit himself in the head with the hammer again, asks, "Why do you do that?" And the man with the hammer looked surprised and said, " 'Cause it feels so good when I stop!".
For anyone who has been daily drinking for any period of time, I recommend checking out a book recommended to me by my therapist. A book that got me off anti-depressants for good in ~nine months. You know the expression 'It felt like a weight had been lifted..."? Yeah, after the first fifty pages, I had that feeling. I learned things I use to this day to prevent depression. It's been in print for over twenty years. I link it this way so people can read the ratings and reviews. Dr. Burns' book has been in print continuously for over twenty years, so it's almost definitely in your local library.
I despise self-help books. IME, there are two types: "Use techniques, methods, tech, local knowledge, whatever - not available to the general public. Profit!" or the alternative, "First, lift yourself up by the hair".
Dr. Burns' book is different. No jargon, no websites, just some honest self-appraisal. It helped me realize I was a good person down on himself for no reason other than habit.
I found these in this book
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy [link]
You should consider that you might have depression. It's ok. I do too. Our brain is not able to tell what's real or not.
Is there anyone you can talk to about it? Would your parents be open to talk about it? Do you have someone at school you can talk to? A counselor or therapist?
First off, I take the same medicine (zonisomide) and get the same feelings you do. Look into seeing a psychologist in addition to your neurologist. They can do wonders in helping guide you through this.
Second, I highly recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336. You can find it online if you look. It's not a 'self-help' book. Rather, it's a book by a psychologist discussing 'cognitive therapy' which has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants. The idea is to understand that your negative, distorted thoughts are causing you to feel bad. Most thoughts that cause people to be depressed are faulty and once you realize that, you'll realize the irrationality behind your depression.
For example, you are magnifying the negative things which you admit are normal, such as feeling lost in what you want to do for a career and disqualifying the positive things in your life, such as that you are in school, and are seizure free. These thoughts take away from true non-distorted feelings of sadness a human should have (you have a real illness, epilepsy, that you need to deal with-- but there are ways to manage it and you it sounds like you are responsibly with medicine). You're also falling into the classic distorted thought of 'I should be doing X right now...'. When the reality of your own behavior falls short of your own standards, your 'I should' thought creates self-loathing, shame, and guilt. You need to change your expectations because it is all-to-human that your behavior will fall short of your own standards from time to time throughout life. Anyway, the book is helpful in realizing these things. Read the reviews on Amazon. It could help you. Good luck.
There is a book called Feeling Good by David D Burns. It's an older book, but one of the best out there for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Not all chapters will be relevant to the issue, but there are a lot of good exercises in the book for when you're stressing over it. I do a modified version of one of the techniques where I write down my "hot thoughts" or automatic thoughts, and then my "cool thoughts" which are the more rational truths to the situation.
So if you're thinking "Our relationship is spoiled because he was with another woman" you can sit down and write out things like, "That's not true, many relationships go through all kinds of rough patches and it doesn't mean they're spoiled." "We're both doing a lot of work to make sure we're honest and open with each other." etc etc
Have you tried CBT?
Also, the DARE technique
Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast [link]
I'm sorry that this is off topic to your post, but this book really changed my life and helped my depression more than any drugs ever did, and it's less than $7.
For finding passion, maybe try mindfulness training? I found that really taking the time to savour every moment helped me enjoy things more.
However, in addition to getting enough sleep, exercising a little bit, and some cognitive therapy, it's possible to get through, just takes time!
Also a really good book to help with understanding the ol' brain (and specifically working through depression):
Sure. Also, I hear great things about this book. Great intro to CBT and shifting your thoughts and outlook. [link]
Been there including hospitalization for depression. The trick that worked for me was to find good distractions to get my mind off of negative ruminating and just better thinking in general (more below). Video games, a significant other, biking, and alcohol worked (until recently for alcohol). For the last decade I have been depression free and mostly happy.
Have you looked into CBT? If you cannot afford or don't want to see a therapist this is a great way to start feeling better right away! [link]
I don't want to scare you but this could take a lot longer than you'd like to think. Especially if you used to try to cover up the depression & anxiety to begin with.
I'm on day 39 right now and it really peaked after 3-4 weeks. Week 6 right now is being easier on me. This is a journey and you have to go back to remembering why you're doing this. This process could take you up to 2-3 years.
A helpful study I went back to (this is my 3rd time) was one out of Sweden found here:[link]
A guide to quitting
Marijuana and Hashish
Drug Addiction Treatment Centre
Lund University Hospital
Understand that you can't rush this. You have a lot of work to do but you're worth it in the end. Another helpful item for me was to work through at least a few pages a night was Feeling Good ([link]). It's been the best 10$ I spent throughout this whole experience. Also eat only clean foods. Rice (a ton of it everyday) was good for me. It could take a week or two until your eating gets a bit better....it's all just a bunch of small steps.
The reason it could take a while is because you should accept that you could go through PAWS after the first month. One day at a time. Write a journal. After a while go back a week or two and reread what you wrote. You'll see that progress!
Best of luck man!
Edit: just touching on the book... do the activities. Keep a weekly log of your BDC score! It shows progress even if you are going through a shit day. Mine went 29,23,20,16,14,12,11. The activities are helpful. Never give up!
Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy".
Got me off anti-depressants in nine months, make me feel better om one night- by the end of chapter one. It's been in print for over 20 years. Check it out.
Something that might help also is CBT. I use this book sometimes. [link]
You can probably find a pdf of it online.
I have something that may help. It's a book recommended to me by my former therapist. Best thing he ever did for me Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy. I link it this way so people can read a bunch of reviews, and an exerpt.
Depression has a lot to do with (chemical imbalances aside) conscious and subconscious thought. Dr. Burns gives you the tools to fight, and prevent depression. I know, because I've done it. And the worst of the "bad mental habits" I had developed on the way to some pretty dark days...were gone forever. I would never do those things to myself again.
If you can be honest with yourself for a few dozen questions, you'll feel a weight lift off your shoulders. Promise.
The person who is depressed lives too much in the past.
The person with anxiety lives too much in the future.
Try to live, without judgement, in "the now".
I'm reading the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, it seems to be exactly something that could help your situation.
I'm actually listening to the audiobook, it's very nicely narrated and it's convenient for my daily commute.
Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy.
Would you like some tools to fight the mental sets that cause depression? This book was recommended to my by my therapist. It changed my life for the better. I was off psychotropic drugs in under a year, and now have a better outlook, but that's just the easy stuff.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so there must be something there, right? It's probably available at your local library.
Jeg vil gjerne få anbefale deg denne boken: [link]
Det er en veldig god bok, les gjerne beskrivelsen.
Har den på digitalt format om du vil lese den, send pm.
> i ... have been thinking about suicide.
/u/ThrowawayPersonF's points about suicide are good points.
Have you thought about possibly reading the Dr. Burns book, contacting a local doctor, and/or taking any other additional steps to try to make your suicidal thoughts go away?
The Dr. Burns book is really good. Various small studies show that, for maybe 70% of people who've finished the book, their depression goes away within a month. The book is also useful for suicidal individuals; see the Amazon reviews.
Got a book for you. It was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author a couple of times. It's been in print >20 years. You can read reviews here and then link back to the book.
Full disclosure: I believe talking therapy with someone you trust completely is best thing for each and every one who of us who ever wishes we had that we had that confidentiality and trust in someone.
I also despise self-help books in general. I find them almost invariably to be the long form of two variants: One, "First get really lucky, or find a partner or live in the perfect location or have an *extensive familial and social network...or Two, "First, pull yourself up by the hair...".
This book is different. I have congenital GAD. At the time I first read Dr. Burns' book I was depressed as well. Life was good and I wasn't enjoying it the way I should. I read the first chapter, which is a series of self-evaluation questions that you answer on a 1-5 scale.
As you complete subsections, there are evaluations of your answers, explaining that if you got a low score, x is the reason, and doing A differently will affect that positively. If you got a high number, doing E differently will help eliminate that.
And you stop for a second and think of how that result relates to your brain, your thought processes, your "inner voice" and you realize how effing easy some of this "changing for the better" is going to be. Once you have the tools to understand and change your negative thoughts (which can turn into negative actions)...*for good, it changes you. After fifty pages, I physically felt lighter, just like the cliche. There's a reason it's a cliche. It really does feel like a "weight was lifted off my shoulders". And it was all what I was doing to myself, in my descriptions in my own mind of my actions and decisions.
Learning how, in a couple/few hours how to eliminate the negative from your thoughts so the positive can take hold and move you forward feels kinda like getting a new vehicle. No, not kidding. I think it feels that way because you know the feeling is going to last. Trust. One of my best reddit moments was when a young woman I had recommended Dr. Burns' book to came back, dug out her old throwaway just to thank me for the referral. She said after she read the book, she changed jobs, got a new man and her life had completely turned around, and she wanted to thank me. Pretty awesome, and props to the happy young lady for reaching out.
But yeah, it's that good.
@ OP: Hi. Let yourself up. You're human. Means you're one of us. And just in case anyone's not yet seen it, here's the reason we're all here, I'll bet over 98% of alkys have this genetic panel. It's an open secret among certain western societies that this runs in bloodlines, and this proves it.
OP, self-recrimination is bootless and will only slow you down. You've had the necessary education on the lying lover that booze is..."just one, it'll be alright..." you can regard this most recent incident as part of the cost of your education. Which is really what it is.
So, get yourself to meetings daily, depending on your schedule. Everyone's circumstances, support group, assets, etc, are different. All you need is a determination that booze is out of your life.
Also, one really helpful self-help book. Oh, don't get me wrong, I despise most of the genre. I find them all to be the long form of "first, get really, really lucky,...or alternately, "First, pull yourself up by the hair".
This one's different. If you can honestly answer, on a scale of one to five, a series of self-evaluation questions honestly and apply the results correctly, you can change your world in an evening No BS. It happened to me. By the time I had finished the first chapter of this book ~50 pp., I felt lighter, like in the cliche. It was weird but true. Dr. Burns gives you the tools to stop self-destructive thought patterns...and by extension, self-destructive actions. It's really quite remarkable.
So take a deep breath, forgive yourself a mistake, and make a new plan. It's not how many times you fall. It's how many times you get up, determined to do better.
Read Paragraph 2, line 6 and you'll have an answer you didn't think could exist..
As a late bloomer, I always knew I was intelligent, but felt a lack when I compared myself to my peers. They seemed (or many did, seemingly) to have a better grasp of what to do. Not all the time, but much of the time, I just didn't feel like I was operating on the same plane, to my detriment. But it truly wasn't until about forty that I felt where I should have been at about twenty three, twenty four. But maybe that's an assumption that needs to be re-thought.
This book might change your life. Recommended to me by my therapist, reading the first chapter (~50 pp) was a series of small epiphanies as I answered a series of self-evaluation questions, really engrossing stuff. I still get depressed, but I know it's because of circumstance, not because of the way I have been treating myself.
At twenty-eight, I had already blown two superb career opportunities and was about to blow a third. My sobriety and my best days were ahead of me. I don't recommend my path to anyone
Do something every day that scares you. Do something different every day. Love yourself.
Wenn dich sonst nichts zaht ist das Buch auch mal ein guter Anfang. Aber ersetzt halt trotzdem eine Therapie
IIRC, I was on it for a couple of months. The ED was worse than the disease, so to speak. I went through several SSRIs, Prozac, Effexor, one or two others I can't recall.
But please allow me to link you to the book that got me off SSRIs entirely. It's called Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy. Within ~10 months of reading Dr. Burns' book, I was off of SSRIs because my problem wasn't Serotonin (your gut produces more serotonin than your brain) it was bad thought patterns and negative thoughts that I was generating out of habit.
Fifteen years later, I still take no psychotropics. And furthermore, when I am depressed, it's because there are negative things happening, not because I'm stuck in a negative thought loop.
While waiting for an appointment with a therapist, please allow me to recommend a book recommended to me by my therapist, who has spoken with the author a couple of times.
My experience, over the course of one evening (the time it took me to read and take all the tests in chapter one, about fifty pages) was a feeling of taking back control of my thoughts, and the ability to direct my energy toward positive ends. It's been in print for over twenty years, it's probably available at your local library.
I have some answers. Well, Dr. Burns does. In this book. It was recommended to me by my therapist, and on the day it arrived, it changed my life for the better.
Sounds dumb? Well, I read the first chapter the first evening. It's ~50 pp. Some of it is answering self-evaluation questions on a 1-5 scale, which takes just a bit of thought, but as the questions and observations of yourself by yourself sort of propel you to the next point, and you feel better, more in control of your thought process, more sure in your sense of who you really are, what you really feel about yourself...it's quite uplifting in a "I accomplished this for myself and it's stuff I can use for a lifetime" sort of way.
My therapist actually has had a couple of conversations with the author. He's apparently a really nice guy, on top of being some level of what this poster terms "genius".
The book's been in steady publication for >20 years, it's probably available at your local library.
Just wondering, have you ever heard of this book? [link]
> Would you ask someone who's depressed why they're depressed, and try to argue them out of it?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works a lot like this. I would suggest Feeling Good by David Burns if you are interested in the technique.
>smart person and very capable of personal success and progress, but they tend to be TOO self analytical, and fears rejection and change to the point of constant procrastination, resulting in a real lack of motivation. We've also discussed some signs of depression,
I think Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy sounds perfect for them. Definitely helped me with a lot of the same stuff.
I did not have much in the way of nausea. But that side effect is one that toxins cause, if you think about it.
My experience with Zoloft was E.D. Big-time. I stopped taking it for that reason. The "cure" was worse than the disease. I need my sexual function curtailed entirely while battling depression? Give me a break.
The thing that this poster found most effective (by the way, the gut produces more serotonin that the brain) against depression (to this day) was this book. The first chapter changed my life for the better. I was desperate for a lifeline, so when I bought my copy I took a deep breath and followed all instructions regarding the self-evaluations (picking depth of feelings on a scale of 1-5 across a wide scope) and the meaning of the results.
Turns out, my therapist who had recommended the book and who has talked with the author a couple of times, was right. It did help. Right away, after finishing the 50-page first section of Dr.
Burns' book, I felt lighter, as if a weight had been lifted. I know it's a cliche, but that's what I felt. And best of all, I knew I now had tools to fight depression. A simple change in POV of the way you o observe yourself internally changes the way you feel, physically.
Today, if I feel depressed, I know what to ask myself to ascertain its origin, organic or external. And it happened as fast as I could read.
I went through several psychotropics, liking none of them, and ending up with long-term side effects from one, and found a book to be most effective in treating the depression from which I was suffering, YMMV.
I had a "whooshing" sound every time I moved my head for months after I got off the stuff. It might have taken almost two years to be entirely rid of it. After ~12 months, I was better able to ignore it, and I guess it faded over time. This was 5-6 years ago, so exact dates are hazy. But the first three-four months I was alternating between despair and anger about ever being free of it.
All good now, so it's not (in my case, anyway, I have read accounts of worse situations).
There is now a genetic test for drug interactions in your body. Depression, anxiety, ADD, and pain. My wife had it done, and a couple of her meds were changed because according to the test, the chemical composition of certain drugs will not work in her body. She has ADD-Inattentive, and efficacy of certain drugs is essential. This test works.
Oh, and check out this book. Recommended to me by my therapist, reading this book (and taking the self-evaluation tests) changed my life for the better, and allowed me to get off psychotropics altogether in less than a year.
> Visto che sei doppio-laureato ti faccio una domanda: è possibile preparare Analisi e Matematica Discreta con 40 + 40 minuti fatti bene al giorno?
Dipende quando vuoi laurearti, se vuoi farlo fra 10 anni certamente.
Da quello che leggo penso che tu sia nella mia stessa situazione, se una cosa ti fa schifo ti impunti a non farla, il problema è quindi farti piacere la materia che stai studiando. Come? Prova a dare una letta a questo
Study meditation techniques. Focus on your breathing, being "in the moment".
A possible large scoop of help may be available here.
Recommended to me by my therapist, who has met and spoken with the author. It's been in print for over 20 years, so it should be available in your local library.
@ OP: I have the solution. I guarantee it. "BS", you say? Nope. Here's the deal.
About a dozen years ago, I was depressed, always second-guessing my words and actions, worried to distraction about what other people might be thinking or saying about me. And then I'd start re-thinking the interactions of my workday, denigrating my personality as a lack of professionalism, and more.
This book was:
Directly responsible for me getting off anti-depressants totally.
Directly responsible for my ability to look at life as is, and deal with issues in a timely manner, like an adult.
The Reason I stopped self-defeating mental patterns that had been wasting my "thought time" as well as making me feel worthless, tired, anxious and unhappy.
It took me fifty pages. One chapter. There are several self-evaluation questions. (Full disclosure: Poster hates self-help books, but loves the "one-through-five" scale to rate, say, "emotional response to X"-type questionnaires). So however long it takes you to process data, (there's an audiobook of this, it's that good), you can expect positive results that may include physically uplifting reaction when you think about what the last couple of hours have taught you. Stuff you can use forever to prevent yourself from setting "negative mental precedent" which can turn into depression. Try it.
It's been in print for over twenty years, and my therapist says the author, whom he's conversed with twice, is quite a sharp and funny gunny guy.
Feeling Good by David Burns helped me a lot!
Got a book for you.
It was recommended to me by therapist. I attribute my getting off anti-depressants in less than a year after having read this book.
I could feel how "the dark cloud" had lifted after only one chapter (~50pp.). And I knew it was going to continue, because I now had tools to stop causing myself to be down on myself.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so it's probably available in your local library.
The best bet is a good therapist. If the one you had wasn't working for you, look for another one. (My first therapist was not that helpful. The second one was gold.)
Something else that might help is a quality book written by a professional like Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.
Hey there is a book out there that may really help:
Get the paperback or the audiobook. It's available at most libraries too. It will really make a difference. Good luck chuck.
> There are definitely times I am too hard on myself, so I hear you.
A book that really helped me with being too hard on myself is "Feeling good". Especially since there are a lot of exercises the book goes through which you can practice and apply to situations you deal with.
I wrote about how it help me more in depth in another thread here.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for sure is what you're looking for. Check out the book: Feeling Good. Meditation is a useful tool, but in and of itself is not going to undo cognitive distortions.
Seriously, get the book then. It's here - [link] - and your library may have a copy for free.
Who in your life can you talk with? Friend, family?
I'm really sorry things seem so shitty.
Get a good therapy book that will help you do written exercises to challenge your thoughts in a productive way. I personally recommend a popular book called, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
Melanie Joy has a great talk on avoiding compassion fatigue as an activist. If you're struggling with mental health issues the best thing you can do to keep helping animals in the long run is to take care of yourself by seeing a therapist, getting a self help book that is proven to work, and by finding a supportive community of like minded people.
I'm relatively happy. Life depends on one's outlook.
Here's a great book:
I have often found running to be very meditative, where I can just run and let my feelings and thoughts wash away. For me, it works better than yoga and meditation. I just feel amazing after a run. Are you running outside? Sometimes listening to music helps, I find I can listen to trance or a podcast (Above and Beyond has a great podcast that works wonders for running). I know what you mean by those thoughts and how they can bring you down. Just like in meditation, if you start to get them just focus on your breath until they go away. Also, this book may help you as well. r/EOOD may help as well. But I know how you feel, and running has helped me immensely.
Well, your mind doesn't exist until it experiences thought, so you can retrain those desires by allowing certain thoughts to thrive and debunking the ones that make you unhappy. That is the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If you are interested, this is a very good introduction to that technique.
>Would going to see a professional help?
Yes yes yes. That would by far be the easiest way.
Another thing you can do is to read this book written by a psychologist telling you how to deal with negative thoughts: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.
Meditation, medication, running, and rational emotive behavior therapy. Those are the general tools I use.
Burns' "Feeling Good" was a book that really helped me.
I agree with other commentators, this may be (in my non-medical opinion) mild to moderate depression. (Again, this is just an idea, diagnosing people over the internet with little information is not entirely ethical). I would like to suggest to other posters that depressive disorders are somewhat diverse.
Depending on your personal and financial situation, I cannot recommend seeing a psychologist enough, as I have been in this same situation. Whether you come from a background of hard science or spirituality, I would urge folks to see therapists/psychologists as a teacher that can help you understand what what is real, and how to have a good relationship with your thoughts/feelings.
I would like to suggest a few books that I have found to be personally helpful in this regard:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), very good read which outlines how your mind, Buddhists might call it the ego, creates a fake reality in a depressed state, and methods to counteract it:
Burns, David Feeling Good
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a different but similar approach to dealing with challenging thoughts/feelings, borrows a lot from Buddhism. Main idea is to be aware of thoughts and feelings as occurring, and not good or bad (and not "you"). To accept thoughts and feelings, not as reality but just as thoughts or feelings, and to take action towards something you value:
Harris, Russ The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living
If you're on a little, or big, Buddhist kick, I'd recommend the writings of Zen Master Seung Sahn. This particular book takes his bright and connectable style, and examines a variety of Buddhist traditions to see how they alleviate dukkha/suffering/stress/etc. in different ways:
Seung Sahn The Compass of Zen
Please do check out these books and post questions if you have them. If you are interested in finding a psychologist, and it is something that takes personal buy-in, I would suggest taking a look at Psychology Today or on your insurance company's website, if you're American.
Have a great night! =D
My experience with Zoloft is that the company said "Well, this works some of the time for it's intended purpose. I wonder how many will switch because it turns your groin into a parking meter. Even a quarter in, not much happening.
The cure is worse than the disease.
Try reading a book recommended to me by my therapist. I was able to stop my anti-depressants within the year of reading [Dr. Burns' book][link]).
It's been in print for over twenty years, so there must be something there. I felt better, in a "Hey! I'm OK! And it's going to get BETTER!" kind of way when I finished just the first (50pp) chapter.
Don't mistake me here. I despise most, if not virtually all self-help books, finding most of them to be the long form of "First, lift yourself up by the hair". This one is different. If you can be honest with yourself (there's only you and the book and a piece of paper...) you can change years of negative behaviors pretty much overnight.
So some folks need anti-depressants no matter what? Yep. My wife is a blubbering, nonsense-spewing jumble of unhappiness when she's off her anti-depressant, our marriage is about to pass the thirty-year pole in a couple of weeks.
Oh, anxiety, yeah, I have the congenital version of GAD. There's only been one study, and that only (for unknown reasons) on males, but it indicates that you don't acquire GAD. Social, IDK, Panic attacks, IDK.
But for GAD, with peaks, if find micro-dosing with the right kind of cannabis may solve the problem.
But Fuck Zoloft, really. Get it out of your life. Trying to life a normal life on that shit is impossible.
The techniques used in this book will teach you with coping mechanisms, it will teach you to differentiate between unhealthy and healthy thought processes. It will give you "homework" assignments, things to do when you are feeling down or depressed.
It's an amazing book.
But again, this is me and this is what I do when I reach my emotional breakdown. I spend a good 20 years of my life reading about psychology and philosophy. So, my mind instantly seeks out "understanding" and "knowledge" when I run into a problem. Recently I am also getting into sociology and meditation. The mind is an incredible thing and we only know so little of it.
Ok, thank you. I'll go back and read your comments. So far I read the latest and will respond to your question asking my how a 9 year old could be oppressed by a demon.
**First of all depression can be caused by a demon, but it also can be caused by a physical condition or emotional issues.
So first a depressed person needs to do what they can to take care of their basic physical needs ( fresh air, sun, hydration, shower daily, clean your home or get help cleaning, positive social interaction, exercise, physical contact with a loved one, proper nutrition, at least 6 hours of sleep, etc.) It's unlikely someone whose depressed can do all those things but neglecting these things can cause depression. So if you don't get enough sun, take vitamin d 3. If you have no social circle to support you, try doing volunteer work to be in a group environment that will likely be a positive experience. If you don't sleep well, try napping and ear plugs. Do anything you can to work around the issues in this arena because a doctor can't replace these things with a pill.
After making sure you cover the basics of self care as well as you can, get checked for any possible health problem that could cause symptoms if depression. Basically must health problems can cause symptoms or depression. Treat any health problems you have.
After you rule out a health problem and are sure you have your basic needs taken care of, you can then address it as possibly a mental illness. Modern medicine really doesn't understand the brain yet. There is no chemical imbalance or test to show depression is a mental illness only. Cognitive therapy seems to work faster than Freudian therapy in that it actually gives you tools to use immediately. At this point I'd recommend reading the cognitive therapy book . I recommended it to correct any irrational negative thinking habits which alone can cause depression like black and white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking. Also read the book beyond feelings: a guide to critical thinking. Without tools to think rationally, you will always be at risk of anxiety and depression. Also, find someone to talk to about your feelings to. Group therapy or one on one therapy would be ideal since family may not be understanding or educated about mental illness.
**After doing all the above for six months or more you gage whether you are still depressed. **If so, then there is a chance you are demonically oppressed. (If you are suicidal at any point, medication may be the quickest solution. It may just be enough to allow you to function well enough to do the things I outlined above. )
If it's demonic oppression, the only solution is to be a righteous Christian. IMO being a righteous Christian involves doing the following everyday:
• praying to Jesus
• bible reading
• verbally accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior
• verbally rebuking unclean spirits/demons/lucifer/Satan. Example: "By the Blood of Jesus Christ, I rebuke all demons and unclean spirits and command them to leave now and never return in this lifetime or in the afterlife." You always have to use the authority of Jesus Christ to do it.
• Verbally repenting for your sins and that of anyone in your bloodline all the way back to Adam and Eve
• verbally breaking curses against you and anyone in your bloodline all the way back to Adam and Eve
• blessing every door and window of your home every night with olive oil (from a bottle you only use for this purpose and regularly pray over to bless). Touch the doors and windows with a drop of oil like you are anointing them.
• remove all satanic symbols from the house that you can: fluer delise designs (devils flower), occult books and objects like oujie board, incense, tarot cards etc.
Different demons have different ranks so the higher ranked ones are harder to get rid of. As Jesus said in the Bible, some demons won't leave unless you do a *water fast. *
**Avoid all activities when possible that lower your the critical faculties of your mind **or brings you close to a trance like state. This opens a demonic gateway. Avoid the following activities that are used to deliberately channel demons and can do so even if it's not deliberate: drinking, meditation, chanting, hypnosis, yoga, drugs (pharmaceutical or street variety), chronic sleep deprivation, etc. demons attack people most often when they are falling asleep because their minds are half awake. This is commonly mislabeled as sleep paralysis or - less commonly- alien abduction. Its frequently just demons. Aliens are just demons.
**If you ever encounter a demon, do not talk to it other than rebuking it in the name of Jesus Christ. This makes them disappear immediately. Demons are fallen angels which are much more powerful and intelligent than us. **They are clairvoyant and can trick us easily. Demons will one day try to take our souls by posing as benevolent aliens during end times. The goal is to get our permission by conditioning us to worship science and technology through the media and to reject God and Christianity. They do this through the help of luciferian bloodlines that hold all the top positions of power around the world. That's what the illuminati is. It's a bunch of luciferians networking together and employing supernatural powers given to them by the demons they worship through pedophilia sex rituals and human sacrifice rituals. That's why there are a ton of sex ring scandals that don't lead to arrests when high ranking officials are involved. That's why priests were protected by the Catholic Church after being caught molesting children.
This brings us to your question. How can a 9 year-old be demonically oppressed or possessed?
I don't believe children are capable of sin until about age 7. But it is possible for children to be possessed. It's more and more common since the 70s which is when the amount of possessions started to explode according to Vatican exorcist priest father Malachi Martin. This is allegedly due to the aliester Crowley, L Ron Hubbard and timothy Leary opening major demonic gateways through books on black magic/satanism, LSD and Scientology ( Santeria for the rich?).
*The Bible says we inherit the sins of our parents. This is one reason why a 9 year-old can be demonically oppressed or possessed. * You can also be born into a family bloodline of incest or satanism. Both will demonize you early in life. I believe demons can be transferred through sex. I think this is why rape frequently leads to lifelong depression, anxiety and often suicidal ideation. This is particularly true of victims of pedophilia. This is also why luciferians use sex in rituals. Do children deserve it? Not in my mind. You accuse me of saying that they do. Why?
I'm so sorry that you are suffering and feel free to pick my brain if you have any questions. Try to be nice because I have feelings, too. I'll check if I missed any of your comments.
If you aren't honest or rational enough to admit asshole is a curse word than you are not capable of having a logical argument. This is why I won't debate with you. You repeated make irrational arguments. It's a waste of time to reason with someone who doesn't have the tools to think logically. You're come off as angry, rude, ignorant and arrogant. I'm only bothering to explain this because I would rather you come away from this with something useful. You need to learn how to think and communicate rationally. I recommend the two following books:
Beyond Emotions: a guide to critical thinking.
A well reviewed book on cognitive psychology like this one:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns
"The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In Feeling Good, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D., outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life. Now, in this updated edition, Dr. Burns adds an All-New Consumer′s Guide To Anti-depressant Drugs as well as a new introduction to help answer your questions about the many options available for treating depression."
As one who has had some regrets for a lot longer than desired, let me tell you this:
You have time.
The twenties for many of us is merely a time of maturing (see: making mistakes) anyway. I will offer up a book recommended by my therapist that made my life better.
You have a lot of questions and tendencies as a newly-sober person that are addressed by Dr. Burns. His book helped me feel that "good all over" feeling when your body becomes part of your internal happiness. It took only one chapter- ~50 pages, and with each passing page, I could feel the load I had put on myself lightening.
You cannot change the past. You can limit the influence the negatives have on your future. Take heart in the fact that biology explains how alcoholism happens, and happens in families, something many families have known for centuries.
Sometimes it's "One Day At A Time".
Sometimes it's "One Hour At A Time".
Read the book (in print for 20 years, it's in the library) before you go onto any psychotropic drugs. I was able to quit my anti-depressants in well under a year after reading Dr. Burns' work.
Remember, every day sober you are saving your life. You don't really know how good a person you are yet, so cut yourself some slack (full-time drinking retards personal development) for a while.
If you suspect your mental health is taking a hit, I recommend you seek some advice on coping with depression, stress or anxiety. Learning coping strategies can make the difference between these events and your PhD studies ruining your life or not.
If you want to start somewhere by yourself, the book Feeling Good is a good place to start.
you definitely should mention the anxiety problem to her, depression and anxiety frequently occur together and you need to treat both.
you didn't say if she put you on any meds or if she is treating you using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but both can be done in parallel. personally, I think CBT has the most potential since you will learn new skills for changing how you react to things. ask her about it.
and do your homework too, she can't fix this for you, she can offer guidance but you have to want to fix it. here's your homework:
reading - [link]
podcast - (listen to these from the beginning) [link]
take this stuff seriously and don't let your problems continue without successful treatment.
Stop using the word "should" its self defeating. I should be this. Or should be more of a man. etc. it just fucks u up. Read the book, Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. Awesome book and will help with procrastination too. [link]
Read this book. No really, it helps.
So much of what you said is the same as myself. Though some I have managed to tone down to a degree.
One things that I'd like to share that helped me a lot, was attempting to drop perfectionism as a concept. It's flawed and completely self destructive.
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns has a chapter on "Daring to be average" which was really insightful to me. Perfectionism is a trap - a desire that will never be sated, causing feel bad about whatever you do.
There is nothing wrong with average. You wouldn't expect someone else to be perfect, so why yourself? Your monetary value, your qualifications, your job, your achievements are not indicative of your worth. Perfectionism tells us otherwise. It is wrong.
I really recommend giving the book a read. Or even just that chapter.
on top of whatever you decide to do, consider cognitive behavioural therapy. Specifically this book on the subject.
I completely relate to having been given a proper diagnosis. Strange and sad is a very apt description. I feel like knowing what's really going on with me is very helpful, especially in regards to finding proper medication and treatment. However, it also makes me feel like I have this incurable illness I'll never be rid of. I guess that's true, but it makes it seem so much worse than it is. The psychiatrist who performed my evaluation suggested the books and they helped a lot, even if they could be pretty painful to get through. (Introspection is necessary, but never fun.)
Here's a link to "Feeling Good" by David Burns: [link]
And the link for the workbook I spoke of, "You, Untangled" by Amy Tibbitts: [link]
I have faith in you :-)
To add to the excellent points made by others, it seems as though you could do with a boost to your self-esteem and confidence so you question yourself less.
It is a bit of a lengthy read, but Feeling Good helped me question myself less and gave me more resilience.
Oh God. PLEASE read Feeling Good. It's all about Cognitive Distortions, based on work done in Stanford in relationship to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It will help with EXACTLY this.
Edit - adding link: [link]
I think you might want to go to therapy or try CBT (if you read, I've heard good things about this book - but it's pretty long: [link]), preferably both.
You need to address the irrational anxiety that you have. You do not have the ability to predict the future, and catastrophizing based on things you "notice" and obsess over is no way to live. You may be observant, lots of people are, but part of the reason you may feel you pick up on details that others don't is because you're always looking for things that could go wrong, causing you to pay undue attention to otherwise innocuous things.
Since you like to read, pick up the book, "feeling good, the new mood therapy" by David Burns. My therapist would not prescribe meds until I read it and after reading it, i truly no longer needed them. link on Amazon
I can't really endorse this book personally, but there's some medical research that suggests a majority of people who read it and do the exercises for a month see real improvement: [link]
Sorry to hear that man. I want to be clear before I say more that I am no person who should be officially diagnosing anyone. I've speculated about the woman in the story, but she shouldn't make health decisions because of what anonymous internet dude is saying. Just to be clear. I've done a lot of reading, and some experiencing, and I'm happy to pass on what I know. But I am not that kind of doctor :)
That said, yeah, that's something that's somewhat common from what I've read. And I think I was probably doing it a bit before I was diagnosed. I knew I was struggling with some things, but I wasn't thinking clinical depression at all. I can't say if I was denying, because it didn't come up in so many words. But I wasn't thinking "hey, maybe I'm depressed." And I'm fairly convinced a male relative of mine was depressed, and he denied it when several people would bring it up. His manifested as anger, which happens in men sometimes, and he just chalked it up to 'things pissing him off these days'. But there were behavioral issues he just wouldn't see that the rest of us did.
So I don't know if it's an official separate 'condition', depression denial--it's googleable, and there are sites that pop up right away with a search for 'depression denial'. There's this one, for example. But I can't speak to the authority of that website. My take is that, being a mental health issue, and those having a stigma attached to them, it makes sense in a way that you wouldn't want to be diagnosed with it, right? If you're already feeling that bad, having it confirmed that you have one of those conditions that people are supposed to whisper about would be worse.
For me, once I was sat down and told "you're suffering from major depression" by a doctor...I'd already spent about 10 minutes that morning standing at the closet staring at my shirts unable to pick one to wear. And I had just shrugged when my wife said later "Okay, we're going to the ER." Okay, whatever. So it was sorta obvious even to me when the doc said it :)
The book that was recommended to me by one of my initial psych doctors is called "Feeling Good", which sounds very self-helpy but is research-based and actually helped me. That book has some checklists and symptom lists, evaluation tools for you to keep referring to, to help you figure out how your depression is coming along, whether it's better or worse, are you still depressed, etc.
I don't know what to say about how to talk to her about it, that's too complicated. But those lists might help you get a better idea yourself of how she's doing.
Good luck man. I don't know if I can help any more (and I'll be out of the internet for a week coming up here), but let me know if you have any other questions. I'll do my best to say what I know, and what I don't :)
If you have a problem with over-thinking, I have a book for you.
This was recommended to my by my therapist. I felt better, less depressed and less "burdened by too many thoughts" by the time I finished the FIRST chapter. Within nine months, I was able to stop taking anti-depressants. That was ~ten, twelve years ago. I've not had to go back on psychotropics since.
The book just (well, the author) recently celebrated the twentieth anniversary of "Feeling Good" being in print. You don't stay in continuous print for twenty years if you've written a POS.
This also means it's probably available at your local library. I link it this way so people can read the reviews/comments.
This book is supposed to work as well as therapy.
I have a book for you. This was recommended to me by my therapist a long time ago. He had met the author a couple of times. Dr. Burns approach is so effective, I felt better, I mean palpably better, at the end of the first chapter (~50 pages). I attribute my successfully stopping anti-depressants a few months later. I haven't taken them since.
"Feeling Good" can literally change your life. Since it's been in print for over 20 years, there's obviously something to it.It's also likely in your local library.
As someone who's also struggling to change some long ingrained patterns, cognitive behavioral therapy has worked wonders. It's hard, you have to be honest with yourself, and it takes a long time, but it works. I'd recommend starting with this book from your local library.
A book that could help you with your depression is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. In the last year I've had two therapists (marital before my divorce and currently a personal one), they both love it an recommend it. I think it's worth a shot, it's cheap :).
This goes outside of this thread but if you have these types of feelings outside of board games I cannot recommend "Feeling good the new mood therapy" to you enough!
Its a cheap book and if you learn and do the exercises it will help rewire your brain and change "automatic thoughts" like you mentioned here.
It's not a silver bullet, and it's not easy, but holy crap did it help me.
Bigger easier to read and updated new version:
My therapist recommended Feeling Good to me, I'm currently reading it and I've found it has some good advice and ideas. Generally, I've been improving myself and feeling better during the period of reading it. (not all of the examples are perfect though)
I took citalopram (an SSRI) as prescribed by my GP on the NHS. It did some good but it wasn't enough on it's own.
I also saw a therapist for CBT, which I paid for myself. Evening appointments were available. I think it cost £85 for each one-hour session. I appreciate I'm lucky to be able to afford that sort of money.
If you're looking for a book, <em>Feeling Good</em> helped me a bit too. The "homework" assignments from my therapist and the exercises in the book are pretty similar.
It is something you can do at home but it REALLY REALLY helps to have someone who can counsel you through it for a while and act as an anchor (maintenance appointments) to keep you in balance.
Book i'd suggest: [link] This is basically my Bible, that my therapist assigned me when I first started. I check it every other week or so to remind myself where I was and to keep in check.
Edit: There will never be a time where you're just magically mindful and it keeps going on it's own. It's just like exercise, you have to keep at it consistently and persevere when you're not really up to it. That's what separates winners from losers, after all; grit.
If you can master your mind you can pretty much do anything. Corny as it is, we have more than enough historical proof what someone at the right place and time can do with an indomitable will. Just don't kill any minorities, ok? :)
CBT is the best way to deal with anxiety. Check out the book Feeling Good. For people with typical anxiety, this book helps a lot. If your anxiety is above and beyond the normal, then I'd go see a therapist who specializes in CBT.
I've been using this book [link] to help with depression/anxiety.
"Depression is an illness that always results from thoughts that are distorted in some way."
— Dr. David Burns from the book Feeling Good
Dr. David Burns - FEELING GOOD - TED Talk:
Dr. David Burns - What Is Depression (and How To Cure It) AUDIO:
Checklists & info on 'COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS' that twist our thinking:
BURNS DEPRESSION INVENTORY/CHECKLIST (2-page PDF):
READ THE BOOK
FEELING GOOD: The New Mood Therapy - The Clinically-Proven Drug-Free Treatment for Depression
FEELING GOOD by Dr. David Burns is the #1 most recommended book for DEPRESSION by psychiatrists and psychologists. More than 5 million copies in print!
FEELING GOOD - ORDER:
THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK - ORDER:
These books are like therapy in a box!
Watch a series of short VIDEOS covering each of the 10 COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS listed in David Burns' amazing self-help book for anxiety and depression, The Feeling Good Handbook:
SERIES OF ARTICLE SUMMARIES BASED ON THE BOOK, FEELING GOOD:
Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work:
Dr. David Burns' website:
WATCH OTHER VIDEOS WITH DR. DAVID BURNS, A PIONEER IN COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT):
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills for preventing and coping with depression:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) SELF-HELP COURSE:
MOOD GYM - CBT SELF-HELP COURSE:
You can supplement it with cognitive-behavioral therapy, either by yourself or with a professional. It teaches you to dispute those negative thoughts/beliefs so that you stop believing them.
It's something that I wanted for a long time and decided to finally do it. It was a faster healing process for me than the nipple, the actual piercing hurt less, but I don't recommend hiking right afterward. (I wore jeans and went scrambling through a forest and over boulders, and it was fine but I definitely felt it.) If you haven't come across it yet, [link] is an amazing resource. Lots of photos and stories to help you figure things out, too.
The VCH is a functional piercing. If you find you only orgasm from clit stimulation then it should make it more easily stimulated from positions where you'd normally have to really work at it. It's not an instant cure, though.
If your rut might be depression, I recommend giving this book a quick read. It was really the only thing that got me out of my rut and keeps me from falling back in. Piercings are fun, but I haven't found that they've really solved any larger problems for me.
The other posters in the thread have some very good advice. In general, by noticing the thoughts and actually seeing them for what they are (impermanent) you will come to a different relationship to them. This could take a little bit of time but if you practice every day you should see some relief.
With that said, I'd like to recommend you look into doing some self-directed ACT/CBT work to help you work with and out some tricky emotions around specific thoughts. It's amazing what just a little time doing this can do. Here's two books you should try:
Feeling Good by David Burns
Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman
When you get the books, don't worry if it looks like many or most of the situations don't apply to you because there will be one or two chapters that are indispensable!
So sorry for the canine-sized hole in your heart. Losing a best friend, especially after doing hospice-type care - going all-out to save them, is a shock to the system when it happens quickly.
My wife lost her beloved Dachshund to kidney failure after only 11 years together. It took her over a year to be able to pick a rescue, but her heart is still broken. She still has Zellie's ashes, bought a pendant to carry some of her ashes, still references her in conversation (mind you, this was a beautiful, near-perfect rep. of the breed, in red, 30 lbs- no fat), the way one would a lost family member.
Your mourning and sense of gloom is real, and I know your pain. People can begin depressive episodes in their life with events such as this. Because the mind is the most powerful organ in the body, it has the power to alter your "normal" body chemistry if you are, say, feeling under constant stress". Well what do you think a broken heart is? When you cannot reach peace of mind, you are being stressed. I have some suggestions to attempt to alleviate, or at the very least mitigate the pain of the loss of your friend.
1) Realize, that is, truly internalize that dogs are spiritual, sentient, loving creatures. As such they would not want their bestie to suffer. To grieve, OK. To suffer, no. So you need to ask yourself how much self-inflicted pain is enough to match your love and devotion.
Life is for the living, and looking back for too long is more than unproductive, it's counterproductive, leaving you inattentive to messages and opportunities that may be right before you.
My wife's Dachsie was a bit aloof all her life. They were the tightest of BFFs, sharing lunch , Zelda getting her watered-down coffee at coffee break on the couch, food could not be left unattended, but it was nothing personal. She had the darker red coat, which ended up with a dark ridge running down her back (yes, there's a point to the story), and even rings around her tail. Not dark lines or rings, but you didn't need special light to see them, either.
After losing her short red friend, my wife spent a over a year online, looking at rescue sites, hoping to find a rescue that resembled Zellie, if possible. She located a rescue from Georgia that was coming up here that looked a little like the Z-dog. Problem was, there was nothing in the pic for scale, much less a banana.
Dog gets brought from the shelter...and she's 9 pounds. Underweight, but her fighting trim is ~10.5 lbs. Joke from Zellie #1. From beyond the Rainbow Bridge, Zelda now has my wife owning a mini. But the dog's kinda...tan when we first got her (southern attitudes about small dogs are another conversation). There are no tan Dachsies. So we put her on a diet of chicken and high-priced kibble (I just call 'em "crunchies") with a high sweet potato content, fed her (and our other two dogs) parboiled carrots, greens, fresh sweet potatoes,.with cooked brown rice sometimes.
Oh, Z never kissed. She kissed me once, and I think it was because I had massaged a knot out of her hip. She never kissed my wife, other than on the hand (when there was food offered). The new arrival? She kisses when she's happy, when she has to go out, when she's hungry, when she thinks she deserves a treat...Joke from Zelda #2.
And the kicker to the whole "Zelda is definitely involved" angle is this. Iris (the new princess) has running down her back...a dark stripe which leads one to...the rings on the tail. Now, I don't know how many ring-tailed Dachsies there are. All I know is, when two different dogs of the same breed came through the door twelve-plus years apart...both had ringtails. Joke from Zelda #3.
If you feel yourself (or notice someone in the family seems to be showing symptoms of depression) losing interest in things you like,this book can work wonders. It was recommended to me by my former therapist, who has met the author a couple of times. I attribute my freedom from psychotropic drugs (Prozac, etc) to this book and Nature. Just fifty pages. That's all you need to examine. And it's not all reading. Self-quizzes and tests cut the actual reading down quite a bit.
Your fur friend would not want you to suffer unnecessarily. You can honor him or her by finding out which rescue agencies deal with "high-kill" shelters, and saving a soul who, without you, doesn't have a chance.
Hmmm I don't know any OCD specific books off the top of my head, but there's definitely self help books on the topic out there. Anything on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) like this one may be of help (which I've used to good effect).
I think you can do it yourself to a large degree. I read this book. It's great. It's basically a teach yourself CBT book.
Why "without therapy"? I'm imagining two possible reasons:
If you're on your parents' insurance, then therapy is probably covered, so cost should not be a big issue. You mentioned in another comment that you're going to college in the spring. Most schools have a counseling center that you can go to for regular sessions as well.
If it's about shame, I get it. I was pretty dismissive of therapy in my early 20s. I wanted to be seen as someone who had his life on track for a successful career and marriage. And people who saw therapists did not have their lives together, in my view at the time. They weren't the kind of people I would have admired, emulated, or wanted to date.
Looking back I can recognize my opinions as motivated by pride, shame, and vanity. Couples counseling has been incredibly helpful in my marriage. Individual therapy has been very helpful for my wife's depression.
If you're still really committed to not seeing a therapist, there are some aspects you can do yourself. I highly recommend this book on cognitive therapy: [link]
I had the same experience -- since my therapist told me I had c-PTSD and I've read up on it, my symptoms also make much more sense and I feel better able to target it.
DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is one approach that has been shown to be effective. I do it as part of a group in addition to talk therapy with my individual therapist. Perhaps see if there are any groups around you that teach DBT? If not, and you read up on DBT and are interested in pursuing it, you can try to find a DBT-trained therapist to work with. You can also try the self-help route, for which there are a lot of resources: see [link] and [link], for instance. DBT has helped me a lot with being able to function, regulate my emotions, and break past relationship patterns.
Another form of therapy that can be effective for c-PTSD is EMDR -- I am just about to start it so can't yet share my experience with it :) Again, you'd have to look for an EMDR-trained therapist. I am about to start EMDR for 6-8 weeks and then return to my current therapist, so you don't need to necessarily leave your current therapist if the fit is good for you.
If you struggle with negative self-talk (i.e., that little voice in your head that tells you you're a terrible person and worse), CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can be really helpful. Again, you could find a CBT-trained therapist or do some self-help. The person who created CBT has written a great book on it: [link]
I think you should ask your therapist what kind of therapeutic approaches they use or are trained in — perhaps they are trained in one of the methods mentioned here. There are a lot of great resources on the sidebar, too, that may discuss additional treatments.
By the way, speaking of breaking relationship patterns -- I read something the other day that might be helpful to you since you have suffered several abusive relationships. I think it was from Bessel Van Der Kolk (who wrote the book The Body Keeps the Score which I highly recommend). Anyway, I thought repeatedly being in the same kind of harmful relationships meant something was wrong with me, that I deserved the treatment that I got or that it was otherwise my fault in some way since I repeatedly found myself in the same situations. I couldn't understand why I repeated these patterns. It turns out that this is very common for those who suffer from cPTSD, as failing to process the trauma means that when you are experiencing the same type of stressful feelings you did during past traumas, your brain activates those past traumas and essentially processes information and reacts as if you were experiencing the same trauma again, leading you to engage in the same behavior as the past. It’s like we get stuck in the experiences of our past traumas, sometimes feeling like they are still happening, even if they happened long ago. Van Der Kolk discusses this as one of the main causes for cPTSD. So, please, do not blame yourself for your abusive relationships, and know that you CAN break those patterns.
First of all, you agree this all originated in your mind, correct?
I have a book for you.
Don't get me wrong, I detest self-help books, for the most part. But years ago, I was taking anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety agent (thanks for the whooshing sound, rhymes with "Bollocksore"). Then I read Dr. Burns' book. I felt better after finishing the first chapter.
Check out the book, but more importantly, let's have OP check hisself out. I can feel the creeping doubt in almost every sentence.
Are your tendendcies to "stay busy" all the time, or do you end up more on the "couch potato" end of the scale. The reason I ask is in a recent study of adults, it was discovered that those who "needed to stay busy" were using their activity to mask issues that they did not want to think about. Couch potatoes are more analytical, deeper thinkers.
So if you tend toward the "busy" end of the scale, you can probably use some introspection. You'd be surprised what a two-hour walk alone through some conservation land talking to yourself aloud about your life and your worries and plans will bring forth in the way of new truths.
Along with the Cialis, This stuff is awesome. This poster is 62. I always expect 2-3 hours of activity with my wife when we play. No, I'm not kidding. But we've had a few years' practice.
Both items I have mentioned here have directly benefited my life in a major way. I have no stake in either item.
Parents that legitimately behave in such a shallow fashion seem to have created a daughter whose lack of compassion matches theirs.
@ OP: Listen to Robert Heinlein, one of the greatest authors the world has known, AKA "The Dean of Science Fiction" as he opines on love, I believe through the words of Lazarus Long, a recurring character- "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
This poster has been married twice. Once for ~2 1/2 years, and this time for 29 years. Can verify. Really being in love involves some level of respect, trust and friendship. And it is absolutely true that if you are truly in love, this is "the one"...all you will want to do is make her happy. And the reverse must also be true, for the relationship to have balance.
Cold as it sounds, it may be time to bail. But it's not all bad. I read a book that had been recommended to me by my therapist. it's this one here. My circumstances were different, but the level of "suck" was close, I judge. First of all, this book is so effective that I have bought and given away three or four copies, I forget which. It has been in print for twenty years this year. It is probably available at your local library. Just give it fifty pages is all I ask. It really could change your life. A young woman PMed me a year after I recommended the book to her. She told me she had to go find her old throwaway account so she could look up the account I was using. She said at the time she read my post, she was depressed (by the standards in Dr. Burns' book),living with a guy she didn't really trust, hated her job, had low self-esteem, the works. A year later, she posted to me that she had a new guy that she was pretty sure was the right guy for having a family with, she had just gotten a promotion at her new job, and had totally turned life around for herself. All she needed was ti be shown that a better, easier way to live inside your own head is NOT harder, it's actually much easier. Trust, then go get the thing out of the library.
And keep your chin up. They thought Einstein was a dunce when he was little. One of the great C & W singer/songwriters, Mel Tillis, had a stutter so bad his Mom used to tell him "Sing it, Mel" so he could get the words out. Maybe thinking about singing the words could be a widget you could use occasionally. But I implore you, check out the book.
I recommend exploring different forms of therapy, Cognitive Psychotherapy seems a good bet. [link]
Hey, I hope I'm not too late and I won't be drowned by other answers.
I had exactly the same problem. Binging and anxiety and guilt over what I did and didn't do. It was similar for me in other areas of my life (what I do with my free time etc.). A lot of tips in this thread are good, but they don't really target the source of your behaviour.
This is the book that helped me deal with the source of the problem. It's a book about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
A very short TL;DR:
When something happens to us or we do something (or don't do), thoughts pop up in our heads. And those thoughts are responsible for our feelings - anxiety, guilt, and others. Problem is, some of this thoughts contain errors and can evoke wrong/stronger than necessary feelings.
After I've applied what I've learned from the book, my anxiety and guilt easied up and without being stressed so much I had less desire to binge and have been doing it less often. I still do from time to time, but it doesn't bother me much now and it's seldom enough that I lose weight in the long run. I've also cut on the procrastinating :)
I strongly recommend this book to everyone! Knowing why and how everyday events evoke feelings is useful and powerful knowledge. It helped me deal with guilt, anxiety, and procrastination.
I highly recommend the book Feeling Good. It's therapy in book form.
I'd suggest reading about cognitive behavioral therapy. I apply some of the principles I've learned by reading this book.
The instance where I apply it the most is the reverse of what you describe : when you achieve something positive (I'll use a good grade on an exam as an example) and you spin it as something trivial. "It was easy after all", "I got lucky", "The rest of the class is terrible" and so on... So easy to minimize great achievements this way when you should be feeling proud of yourself.
For a long time I've been recommending books on cognitive behavioural therapy to people in your position, where you can't get access to mental health resources even though you have a substantial need. CBT books are what helped me out of my depression, years ago. Effective CBT allows you to find the roots of your depression, analyse why you're being affected by it, and act to stop suffering from depression.
Recently, though, I've been wondering if CBT has enough "oomph" to it; enough of a "soothing" effect to put you into a mentally healthy place to solve your problems. I sort of came to the conclusion that I had been doing something for myself that enabled me to use CBT effectively.
After some research, I think the closest thing to what I was doing to make CBT effective was something called "mindfulness", which is a practice of self-calming and self-analysis. It helps you to stop your thoughts running away from you, helping you build the stability and presence of mind to start dealing with your difficulties.
Think of your current mental state as being a little like being on an unstable platform, on top of a tall pole. The pole is swaying around, and you're spending all your efforts keeping the platform stable, and trying not to fall off the pole.
Think of mindfulness as something that can steady the platform for you, and CBT like something that can help shorten the pole and bring you closer to the ground.
The book I recommend for CBT is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns. He's pretty much the guy who popularised/invented the discipline (not to delve too deeply into the history of things) and he also happened to write a really good book about how to do it for yourself. Here's an Amazon link for the book. No affiliate link, no pressure to buy or anything weird, but people don't believe me when I tell them it's only six bucks, so there's the link.
Mindfulness I don't have a recommendation for, yet. I haven't read enough of them. It's a pretty simple process to begin learning though, so picking a simple "How To Mindfulness" book should be pretty easy. No link for that; Amazon search URLs look scary as hell.
Good luck to you, at any rate.
It depends where you're from and how your health care is oriented but generally for stuff like this I would recommend a psychotherapist.
In my experience I find a psychiatrist prescribes western pharmaceuticals which assist you and alleviate symptoms, but they don't handle the root of the issues. Likewise a psychologist will, in this day and age, probably heavily lean on cognitive behavioural therapy (for good reason since it shows consistent empirical proof of its efficacy for a lot of stuff) and this will aid you from refraining from negative thought loops, doomed thinking and a general, more rational self-image and perception of the world.
However, with both practices I felt we weren't adressing a main issue. It felt we were busy with the outer layer, a manifestation of something much deeper which was amiss. I found a great psychotherapist with her own practise (simply with Google XD ) who has her own practise for exactly that reason: to deliver qualitatively psychological care adjusted to the specific person in need. Though of course it's great a society has mass institutions to provide mental health care, due to insurance policies, government cutbacks and just the bureaucracy, these institutions can only give a boiled down, basic mental care which isn't always effective, especially for these nuanced cases. Especially since a lot of troubled people become psychologists!!! Sometimes there also work a lot of young people for they are cheaper. I figured older people with a lot of life experience are of more use to me than someone my own age!
Mental health care is just starting to phantom the consequences of invisible mental abuse parents are inflicting unknowingly on their children, for so much of it is uncunscious and already starts with interaction when children are babies. Also because it takes a sensitive human to even perceive all the subtleties and nuances of human communication so it is of no surprise the more striking physical abuse got the most attention.
I'm getting quite lengthy in this post so to answer your question: I would primarily visit a psychotherapist. However it's very important to note that just as you have good and bad dentists, gentle and rough dentists, fast and slow dentists etc. the same goes for psychotherapists. Find one which suits you. Just follow your own intuition. Your own mind and body will heal you. I thought this was some mumbo jumbo, but they really do. They will always point you in the right direction and always give you feedback. But a thorough mental health track will hasten your recovery.
Again, in short my advice which is working for me: eat really healthy, sport 3 times a week, try to 'move' (walk 20 minutes or something) every day, meditate daily for at least 20 minutes, read the cognitive behavioural therapy bible 'Feeling Good' [link] (especially if you have some discipline, saves a lot of time visiting a psychologist who specialises in cognitive behavioral therapy, perhaps start a micro dosing 0,2 grams of magic mushrooms every third day, trip on lsd or mushrooms when you feel you need it (in my case few times a yesr) (from what I'm reading is that mushrooms are more effective than lsd for self therapy but I have to experience lsd first before I can give my own take on it), if you trip on mushrooms; not too much because they're are quite taxing on the brain and mind and you want to incorporate insights into your life as much as possible to get the most out of the next trip. Also look into ayahuasca. I hear and read it does wonders. And read up on this shit!!! XD Upbringing, projection, emotional neglect... it influenced your life in unphantamoble ways. The more you learn how and why, the better.
But! Everything will get better slowly, from now on :)
Google "How long does the brain take to mature?"
You are about halfway, give or take, through the brain development process (as a late-bloomer in the maturity department, I can attest).
Your hopeful, forward-looking attitude is the correct one, and will serve you well when the going gets rough. Two things, one edible, one educational:
Maca. It's a member of the turnip family that grows only over 13,000' in Peru (the real stuff, anyway). It is a superfood due to its composition, and an adaptogen for its ability to raise the overall life force energy.
This probably sounds like a sales pitch. It's not. I have been using the powdered "black" maca for ~3 months. I can attest to several of the benefits (libido, energy, and others) myself. My wife discovered some bottles of capsules on the discount table at the pharmacy. Even these "non-direct sourced" capsules made a difference in my life, but were expensive when I found a different supplier. The site I linked "says what they do, and they do what they say". There is a ton of info available on maca, and I have found The Maca Team to be first-rate. Any site that has an "800" phone number on the webpage isn't trying to pull a fast one. For you I would recommend the premium blend because it will have the broadest possible range of benefits for your situation. I'm 60, so as you read you will understand why I choose the "black". In any case, my wife and I use the powder, mixed with a smoothie or "Breakfast essentials" and milk. I have read reviews, and the supplier claims a 3-teaspoon serving will give you extra energy, and if taken too late in the the day, can keep users up later than they wish. This sounds right up your alley, as the saying goes.
The other thing I noticed from your post is that you seem to be caught in what I call a "negative thought-loop". I highly advise reading this book. It was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author a couple of times. I felt more sure of my decisions and myself after finishing just the first chapter. Dr. Burns shows the reader how to identify negative thought patterns that the reader may not even realize they are trapped in, until they read the questions Dr. Burns asks. I attribute my being able to stop taking anti-depressants to this book, which I keep on my shelf like a reference book. It's been in print for over twenty years, so it's probably available at the local library.
OK, old hand here. I have made most of the mistakes it's possible to make regarding business: owning my own, being the only employee, working in a union shop as an apprentice, temp jobs (random and awful, almost every one), jobs I hated while in full-blown alcoholism (Budweiser instant breakfast, anyone?), Retail, customer service, PIN group (ask your grandparents who had phones in the mid-nineties) because, for a while phones needed a 4-digit pin for security. And guess what? Some people didn't want them. The mobile system (now Verizon) would intercept the calls of non-"pinned" phones, and instead of getting Dr. Vinny "BOOM BOOM" Lugatz, they'd get...me...or some other temp in our own room within the customer service dept. Some all men, IIRC, would argue, but seeing that they couldn't "fight City Hall", would acquiesce. One guy (a rare pass-through in the system. All three dozen or so of us would get maybe ten NY calls in a week. I'm trying to explain the security angle to this granite-noggin Gothamite (phones were being electronically "cloned", the company was losing millions in givebacks to people who never made the calls their cloned phone made) but he was just interested in thwarting whatever nefarious plan my minions had cooked up and said, "I don't have to use your system, I've got another, I don't have to use yours, DO I?!?
And for the only time in ~35 years of interacting with paying customers, either face-to-face or on the phone, I "broke character", and dropped my professionalism. "You can use two tin cans and a string for all I care", I said in a low, but steady voice.
"WHAT? What Did You Say?", he's yelling for sure, now.
"I said, you can use any system you like". <Heh heh>.
@ OP: You and your husband need a one-year and a five-year plan. One of the reasons he's so random and flailing is because everything (except the debt numbers) is kind of "out there" and "waiting to (make it) happen".
I have been living in that exact state for the last three and a half years, with debt (not to that level, thankfully, for us) increasing, and one thing after another breaking without the ability to replace it (car, washing machine, phone dying/malfunctioning, etc.) It like having the Sword of Damocles hanging over you.
Your best bet is to a) buy or rent this book from the local library. Dr. Burns' work just celebrated its 20th anniversary. You and you husband can read it together, (the first chapter or two, IIRC), taking the quick, easy tests that give you a better idea of your true mental state. I felt more sure of myself, more relaxed, after finishing the first chapter.
This book was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met Dr. Burns. I hate self-help books. This one works. I attribute getting off anti-depressants to what I learned in the book.
Next, you need a one-year plan, and a five-year plan. Any other ranges are up to you.
First year: Goals. Cut debt? How much? New job? Why? When? Added income? How? Cut expenses? Detail. When you both have had all the input into the plan, then summarize it, and see if it really sounds doable. It may take several tries, but remember, you're a team, and both of you should be supporting the other. That means getting him out of his "this is killing me" mood. That's why you're getting the book first.
The greatest realization for me actually came from some random marketing video I've seen at work where the guy said, that "everybody's favorite person to talk about is themself". From then it went on to more and more reading and learning, but this was the starting point. I started approaching life's situations differently, paying more attention to what was truly going on, rather than what my mind would want me to believe was going on.
Meditation also helped, mindfulness meditation in particular, where you learn to be a silent observer and not a critic.
These are just a few books which I've found tremendously helpful when it comes to feeling as if all eyes were on me:
Hardwiring Happiness by Rick Hanson
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns
Oh, and also when it comes to blushing maybe this article I wrote a while back will help you lessen the problem a bit and let's hope the books and meditation will take care of the rest ;)
Have a great day!
If you think that your depression is circumstantial, I would try other avenues before anti-depressants. I have struggled with depression most of my life (30+ years), and I've only just recently resorted to them and have not had the best luck. Here are a few things that work much better than antidepressants, in my experience:
-Supplements: SAM-e, 5HTP, and high doses of high quality fish oil. There is plenty of research on these supplements and their impact on depression. SAM-e in particular works very well. It's important to get good quality stuff - the Nature's Way and Doctor's Best brands are both solid. The most important thing is to get enteric coated tablets that are blister packed, as oxygen degrades it quickly. It seems like you need to take at least 800mg a day for depression. I take 400mg in the morning and another 400mg at bedtime. You can take up to 1,200 mg daily for depression, but it can cause an upset stomach. It's also expensive. Google "SAM-e and depression" to learn more.
-High intensity cardiovascular exercise at least 3x/ week- intense enough that you get a release of endorphins into your system
-Meditation and/or yoga
-Cognitive behavioral therapy
-Here are some other resources:
I also highly recommend this book:
I think you can combat this rough period on your own without antidepressants, but if you're feeling suicidal, please by ALL MEANS see a doctor. If you to decide to take antidepressants, please also mention any supplements you're taking to your doctor as they can cause interactions.
David Burns books are pretty good as well. http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
Since you can't afford a therapist, the next best thing might be the sort of therapeutic approach you'd likely take if you were able to see a therapist. One of the major schools of modern therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, and one of its pioneers has written a book called* Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.* Personally, I found it incredibly helpful in fixing some extremely negative thought patterns I held for a long time.
Studying ethics also helped me a lot, as it inspired a sense of greater purpose and a duty to others. There's plenty on the subject to read, and I especially recommend Ancient Greek philosophy, as it is a bit less abstract and more focused on the individual and how to live a good and fulfilling life. You could start by reading about Aristotle's virtue ethics, which focuses on good character.
I've been reading this book to try and better myself. There is a chapter called the love addiction that describes exactly how you feel. Maybe try it out.
I totally understand. Is there anybody in your life who you think you can trust enough to listen to you without judgment? If not, I'll share a few options that have worked for me in the past. Doing any of the following will take a lot of bravery and discipline on your part, because there are really no immediately rewarding options here (though they're all better than trying to take your life). Please keep in mind, if, after reading this, you feel utterly and completely that any these ideas are out of reach for you, do not count that as another mark against your situation and never look at this post again. You deal with enough as it is and you not deserve to have some rando on Reddit make you feel worse. Also, if you're reading this from a headspace in which you deliberately plan on doing something in the next 24-48 hours, I would ask that you stop reading now, take 5 min to read this, and call the hotline folks. They can help you make better sense of what you're considering. I've been where you're at, so just trying to help you get the creative juices flowing:
1) One option is go online and locate a free mental health clinic in your community or in a city nearby. You can call and set an appointment and then I would suggest that you clear your entire schedule for that day, because it's going to be an emotionally taxing experience. If you're in school, call in sick or let them know you have a doctor's appointment. Do the same if you have work. Remember that no one on the planet has the right obligate you to stick to your current daily school/work routine at the expense of your mental health.
2) This is a curveball, but another option is to attend a Catholic confession, especially if you have a day where you just need an outlet. This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the fact that it is a 100% free, anonymous, no-obligation way to spill your guts to another flesh-and-blood person who isn't in a position to actively judge you. You won't get any useful medical advice of course, but you will enjoy something of a release.
3) If you like to read, you can begin teaching yourself Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques on your own while you hold out for a better option. A great book on the topic is Dr. David Burns', Feeling Good, and it's only $6 on Amazon (see link). Ignore the gushing reviews, because this is not a cure, it's not going to fix you, but if you devote yourself to learning these techniques and sticking to them, there's a good chance it will make life suck a little bit less (keep in mind that I'm not a licensed counselor so I can't diagnose you or declare what kind of outcomes to expect). What's important here is that you are the one making the constructive effort to improve things for yourself when it seems no one else can do it for you. If your thougths have convinced you that you don't have this power, your thoughts are liars. You absolutely do have the power, and if you hang in there, you will continue to learn how to use it more effectively.
Here are some things that really helped me getting through a similar situation as you are in:
-the book "feeling good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns. is amazing. Everyone should read it, depressed or not. You can learn so much about yourself and the way you are thinking. I highly recommend it.
-try meditation. I downloaded the app "headspace" [link]
They do such a good job and recently scientists found out that meditation works as good as anti-depressants. So why not give it a try? I do it every day and every meditator will tell you that it is life-changing.
-maybe the ted talk by andrew solomon will help as well:
So basically it's just a book and a 20 minute meditation exercise every day. Not too much and you can gain soooo much from it.
These things really helped me and I'm sure they will help you as well.
I wish you all the best and hope you will feel better soon. If it gets worse, then please consider getting professional help. I know everyone says that but just because it's the truth.
As JK Rowling said "Life is often painful, but always valuable. Sometimes we need to change the way we're looking at it, or ask for help"
Don't give up. I know you're strong and amazing and beautiful and there is so much out there waiting for you :)
I hope it helps: [link]
please for the love of [insert deity here] read this book - Feeling Good by David Burns
I'll be the first to say that the soppy self-help language and tone is really off putting to me, but the content is quality. This guy did a lot of the leg work in getting cognitive behavioral therapy into the mainstream and it literally details someone in a similar situation: worried about failing at work and law schoo -> family rejects you because you're a failure -> worthless and destitute. This is a broken though pattern that's essentially an unfounded and negative self-referential feedback loop.
Also, in a similar vein, this book chronicles ABC news anchor Dan Harris' experience with anxiety and meditation, and he constantly replays a similar faulty logic loop: on air failure -> humiliation in front of millions -> loses prestigious job -> working at a shitty local news station.
Sorry if giving you a reading list isn't helpful; I'm sure you have plenty to read and no time to do it already. However, these books have helped me immensely.
I've been fighting with the same thing for years. I used to be on anxiety meds, but the side effects of the meds or missing a dose ended up being worse than the anxiety. NOTE: YMMV so this is not me telling you to not get on meds.
My Dr recommended Feeling Good by David Burns and it has been great. I've also had a lot of success with theraputic hypnosis and meditation. Mindful meditation is a great place to start. There are a couple great apps, Calm, and Headspace. Both of them have free and paid options, I tend to prefer headspace but that's just me.
UCLA also has some great free guided meditations that you can download and play anywhere. The body scan meditation for sleep works for me almost every time.
The most important thing for me is to have a conversation with myself and remember that it is just fear with no basis. If I'm thinking I'm going to die I remind myself that I've felt this way before and haven't had any adverse effects yet so it is probably an irrational fear.
Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions.
You need this book. It's been in print so long, it's probably available at the library.
Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy
Yeah. Definitely read it. Here: [link]
Buy now. It's only $6.
Depression is real, treat it
this brings me to knowledge. like i said, lurk in forums where people are dealing with what you deal with so you don't feel so alone, so you see how they cope, what perspective and tactics helped them. but also, make a list of book recommendations and find them online or go to the library and read them. sit down, take time for you, and just read it. it usually takes less than a day for these books. and some of the info can just sink in and you can think on it for months. it helps a lot to know what you are up against and how to work on it. one book i often see recommended is Feeling Good. just look at all the positive reviews this book has! read through some of them. i have the book, havent' started it yet. maybe i need to do that on monday. motivation is hard for me- i find if i shower first thing i tend to get more things done than if i sit down at the computer first thing (and my day flies by me). we can't rely on external motivation to just happen, we have to sometimes say ok, get up, do this. if we don't, we just continue to stagnate. if i can force myself to feed my cats and take care of them, why can't i force myself to take care of myself? you have to keep perseverence.
it's hard, its going to remain hard, but its so so very worth the work. there are places you can go if you need to talk to people. reddit is one, helplines are another, finding a friend or a support group. its hard to be honest about depression because people just get so sick of your negativity, or they offer all the wrong advice, if they don't know from experience. but life is beautiful and an experience we are lucky to get the chance at, so it's worth trying to get to a place where you can enjoy it and thrive.
ive always worried that i wasted years on my issues, that i will never get back. im 34 now and still struggling. but you know what, im starting to realize that i can do these things i want to do when im 40. i can do them when im 60. there is nothing stopping me from being awesome and the more i live the more i know and the better i can become. sure, i have a limited window of time to have a great sexy body and wear awesome clothes and look pretty, and i struggle with that insecurity. but that's why now i see the importance of trying to keep my body well. ive started beginner lifting because i want to be as fit as i can to make up for all the years i wasted so far. i want to have a strong, healthy body that knows it can go travelling and experiencing life even when im old. i don't want to waste my youth in misery and then waste my old age in feeble conditions because of how i let myself go. i want to push for and strive for more.
this is all my personal perspective on my own struggles, and i really hope they can help you see some perspective that there can be a way out of the holes we find ourselves in. i have lifelong depression that i will always have to face, but i get better at nipping it in the bud instead of wallowing in it and letting it take me further off course every single year.
good luck, please don't kill yourself. just change your life up. find new perspective. and find people who support you. if all else fails, go take some acid or shrooms, they are known to jolt the system and help some people find the way out of their depression. they certainly helped me when i was at my lowest point. though i would recommend very strongly to use safe practices, read up on set and setting, know what drug you are taking versus what someone told you it was, and go into it as best you can. there are subreddits that can help you to learn how to do that as well. good luck friend.
feeling good is also a good one, look at all the positive reviews. it's recommended a lot on reddit.
Therapy will help you solve your problems. Also, check out this book. It has saved many lives and is recommended by many professional psychologists and psychiatrists.
This book walks you through CBT and methodologies, and talks about antidepressants and such. Very good informative read. I keep buying it because I lend it out to friends and they wind up keeping it.
You can do CBT yourself via journaling and exercises, but you must commit to it. Exercise for your mind is just as, if not more important than exercise for your body. Here are some tools to get you started.
Burns' "Feeling Good" has a chapter on anger that I found very helpful. The book popularized CBT, and is a good foundation. Best $8 I've ever spent on myself.
Some therapists have a limited number of discounted spots (see the "sliding scale" section here. That article also discusses a couple of other affordable options. Another first step not mentioned in the article is bibliotherapy, which consists of reading and doing exercises in books. It might sound a little weird, but it actually has a pretty good track record in making people feel better, as long as you put time into it. Feeling Good is one popular such book.
Ok, I'm diagnosed with Depression (with a side of Generalized Anxiety Disorder that wanes as the depression fades), so your treatment goals might be different.
In CBT/DBT, emotions follow thoughts. So when I feel sad, it's because I'm thinking sad thoughts. These sad thoughts may not be firing for any reason in particular, and worse, they can be undetectable. My therapy is all about training myself to notice how I'm thinking and being honest with myself about how those thoughts are making me feel.
The role of the counselor is to help me dredge up recurring thoughts by talking with me about emotional stuff, and to keep a kind of inventory of how I'm doing over time. (There are actually some metrics out there, like the Burns Depression Checklist) Additionally, they need to be able to identify when I'm blocking and be able to suggest tools that will work for me. They need to make you ask and answer the questions you need to, because that's really difficult.
I'm not saying your past doesn't matter, but you only really have to deal with your current moment. If you're not suffering from a chemical imbalance (this is something you see a M.D. Psychiatrist for), then you should be able to recognize that the only way the past can truly hurt you is if you hold onto it too tightly. What we experience is the here-and-now. Deal with that by dealing with what you're holding onto. You may need to delve into your past to uncover what it actually is that you're holding on to, but don't forget that the work you need to do is planted firmly in the now.
I always recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns for guidance on how CBT can help you, as well as some insight on what the counselor is trying to do.
Good general reading is Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, but fair warning that it's got a Buddhist leaning if you're wary of that. If you're not wary of Buddhism, then I also recommend When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
More specifically, it looks like the PhD was trying to get on the same page as you without gainsaying you or negating any of the work you did beforehand.
Attachment theory is more of a high-level model of how humans approach relationships and can be used to inform a therapist on how to approach an individual's therapy based on their support network and the individual's relationship to others.
If you don't feel like you click, tell him what you think and either fix it or move on. You can't help yourself if you don't trust your guide.
Do you have a daily exercise routine?
The one thing that I've found throughout my life that I've found that helps the most with mood disorders is daily vigorous exercise (minimum: 30 minutes per day.)
Aside from exercise, the right SSRI will do wonders for quelling the fears/anxieties and circular/repeating thoughts of OCD and OCD related mood disorders (like hypochondria.)
As for therapy, CBT is one of those things that can help a lot. DBT as well.
I realize how disabling OCD and things like it can be. The rituals are weird and hard to control. CBT helps you cognitively work thru the issues and often times you can disarm the rituals and deconstruct the erroneous thinking. It's not always easy, but it can usually be done.
This book is basically self-help CBT: [link]
EDIT: This other book is a variant of the same book by the same author, but is more for Anxiety: [link]
It's worth a shot while you're waiting for actual support in 2 months.
You're most welcome. Grace and peace be with you.
Also, if you've not yet read Feeling Good, I highly recommend it as well.
Yes, it's a way to help depression without medication, or alongside it. You basically retrain your way of thinking by recognizing irrational thoughts. Here is a link to it!
my first week on it at 150 was ~AMAZING~ and then i crashed to some low lows and had a rollercoaster the next two weeks, and then it kinda came back to a good point and then decreased because i swapped from SR to XL, then swapped to 300 SR which made my anxiety go crazy for weeks and i had weird hypochondria about seizures etc and then i tried generic for a month and it was horrible and negated any positive effects, and now ive been on 300 SR brand for a month and things have levelled out. it is still not as "normal" as i felt the first week, but ive also had a lot of life stuff happen in the meantime which i think i am doing way better than i would have without treatment. i think with the summer coming and my SAD going away on top of other stressors i'll get that positive life-feeling back again (hopefully), but i do feel quite stable now and i really needed the energy boost since my main problem was not being able to do anything in life i needed to other than basic obligations and the rest playing videogames due to being burned out and tired and beating myself up over my bad life organization.
so i do kinda feel like you, not as amazing as at first, but still have that ok mood going for me. i added some really basic weights/stretches in about 3 weeks ago (2-3x wk 45min-1hr each time) and it seems to keep my mood and positive thinking up, as i can feel/see results, and i just do it at home whenever i want so its no pressure and doesn't make me feel bad if i just dont feel like doing it that day. i see wellbutrin as a stepping stone to help you get yourself back to that amazing feeling you got at first, like, it gave you that feeling and said OK now your turn, you know you can feel this way now, so sort your life out to do so in tandem with this help.
are you on 300 XL or SR? i ask because i found XL to be crappy, and for some reason respond better to the SR twice a day dosing (tried 8am-4pm and it made my sleep weird because i felt like it'd give me withdrawal spacey feelings going to sleep, and then now i take it at noon and 10pm since i get up at noon bc i work in the afternoons and stay up til 2-3am with no issues, and it works great and i have interesting dreams. i never had insomnia issues though so idk if it would work for everyone). i need those two "kicks" about an hour or so after taking them to not crash in the evening which is when im most productive.
i find reading motivational stuff such as /r/GetMotivated does help me get those small bursts to be able to stop procrastinating and do something. im also starting therapy as my doctors recommendation pretty soon, and have been reading a book recommended to me by the nurse that's CBT based (here) and its helped me track my moods and really objectively look at how much more productive ive been since getting help in december.
good luck to you and id say give it a couple more weeks!
Dopamine is lovely stuff. Your brain is rewarding you for these actions... but like any addiction, you can never be satiated.
A couple of gentle suggestions that could be helpful:
I'd start with this: [link]
This book has helped me: [link] but it may or may not be of use to you.
Once you know how your mind works, it's easier to work around it. It doesn't matter if you had abuse or not, what's important is now and how you can fix it.
As others have said, meditate in order to be able to adapt to whatever your mind throws at you, then you can try psychedelics.
My Dr had me read this. It's CBT. Doing the exercises on paper it tells you to do helped the most.
I'm glad to see your update /u/cdism! It may not feel like it, but it reads like you're in a groove. And the fact that your kids are seeing a difference? Major props!
I may have mentioned it before, but I struggled with explosive anger for months. Afraid I'll hurt the kids explosions. Exercise, mindfulness meditation, and the Irritability Quotient chapter from "Feeling Good" helped.
"Should" statements are one of the big cognitive distortions. It's really good that you're recognizing that thought pattern.
For me, recognizing and labeling the pattern is the first step to changing my distorted thinking. Once I'm labeling it, I can begin to think about why I think that way--either a specific event or an ingrained belief--and how I would rather feel. Burn's "Feeling Good" digs deeply into the distortions, as does SMART Recovery.
I struggled with explosive anger for several months. Afraid I'll hurt the kids kind of explosions. I vented here and on the IRC channel a lot. Venting was useful, and I got good advice. Exercise, mindfulness meditation, and the Irritability Quotient (IQ)chapter from Burns' "Feeling Good" really helped me. The IQ stuff is version of the ABCs targeted at anger. Channel that anger into useful energy!
I'm reading this currently: [link]
Currently reading this: [link]
I started off with Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy since I have a history of depression... the principles are solid, and it's something I continue to work on every day. It would be silly to expect decades of negative reinforcement to be rewired instantly.
The Power of Now
The Power of Habit
And this is one I haven't got yet but it's next on my list: Paddle Your Own Canoe because Nick Offerman is a BAMF.
This is a book on depression, but it has a fantastic chapter on procrastination.
It could save you therapy bills.
action begets motivation. if you can, you should read Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's really good.
Hi there. You've got a lot boiling in that head. Honestly you don't sound too different from many of the guys that I knew in their early 20's... in a way, you are dealing with a young, male, existential issues. These are always compounded by the fact that people are not honest when they self report (except in anonymous posts like yours here).
So first thing... you are not as odd as you thing you are, just a little dysfunctional. There are quite a few guys out there with similar problems and miseries. But we live in a society where it's so very easy to keep up a facade... and those facades made everyone else feel the need to put up facades. In the end, we are so much more likely to say we're doing great even when we really aren't.
Next... yes, the events of your past and youth probably contributed in ways direct and indirect towards your interpersonal issues of today. But there's really not much else that's useful aside from that basic realization. IMO past analysis is more likely to spin your gears than help you. Granted, sometimes we just need 1 neutral party to hear us tell our tale for simple validation of our existence. But after that, let it go. It won't help you to go over it again and again.
Finally... cognitive behavioral therapy can help, but yes, it can be costly. So until/unless you are in a position to pay for it or have it paid for, you can still do the exercises of it and gain benefit. Here's a good book that pretty much laid the groundwork for cbt. There is also a handbook with exercises in it that can help you put your thoughts into perspective.
Really what you are in need of is a way to feel confident with your own rational thinking. You need a way of thinking about your own thoughts and being able to dispel your thought distortions and tell the difference between those distortions and legitimate, normal thoughts. The books I recommended can help with that.
For you, it may just be a matter of taking some time every day to sit down and write out your 5 - 10 main thoughts/emotions of the day. Look at each of them and write out what is the feeling/rationale behind that thought. Next step is analyzing that feeling and seeing if you are using any exaggerations or assumptions that could be problematic. Do this enough and it becomes an automatic process that helps you to validate clear thinking and dismiss irrational thoughts. It's like mental hygiene.
There is a book that was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author. It helped me immensely. Maybe some of the 300+ reviews will offer some insight as to whether the book will be useful to you.
This book had me feeling better, and looking at myself in a better light, and examining my thought processes before I finished the first chapter.
I hate self-help books. This one is different. No jargon, no BS. It may be available at your library.
Ask for help from AA. They are in the phone book under "Central Services". Go to meetings if you think that will help. If you don't like the first meeting you go to, go to a different one the next night.
There are several sayings we AA's use. One is "With booze, you lose". Simplistic, yes, but effective. Almost all AA members (even former members, like this poster) are eager to help anyone looking to /r/stopdrinking. All you need to do is ask for help.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Good luck.
Try picking up a copy of this book. It was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author. I started feeling better before I finished the first chapter. Check out the 300+ reviews. It may be available at your library.
I hate self-help books. This one is different. Easy reading, no jargon, no BS.
That sounds really difficult, I'm sorry. But, bankruptcy isn't the end of all things. So eventually you will push your way back up again into a more financially stable position. I think the sooner you can get yourself out of bills that fit a married lifestyle, the better. Unless you have legitimate hope of reconciliation, I wouldn't be doing her any financial favors... and if you like you can think of that as not enabling her, she's also an adult and should be able to pay her share.
Honestly, all these things you mention are very typical problems that crop of in a marriage. Sure, you behaved badly at points, but I'm very willing to be that so did she. The stresses of everyday life (especially early on before you're truly settled) really can make being married to someone really difficult (been with my husband for 20 years, most of the early ones were really bad years too). It's just about whether you can both look outside your own individual miseries to try and find solutions to improve the situation. In this case, you guys didn't, and that's just how it played out. But again I wouldn't just put the blame of it all on you.
All of those behaviors you describe sound like anxiety avoidance behavior. It's not that you are a lazy friend, it's that part of you is afraid of something in the outside world and so it takes monumentally more energy to get you to leave the house... so eventually, you just don't. The problem with this (and I think in a way you hinted at it by mentioning that you never speed... not that it is such a horrible thing to be a safe driver) that anxiety is very opportunistic. It keeps taking from you and suddenly you find that you are living in a box and that box keeps getting smaller and smaller.
So, do what you need to get through bankruptcy, but as soon as you can, get some counselling. Preferably CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) as it works really well to solve these problems. In the meantime, you can at least be thinking in that direction if you want. There are CBT-oriented books out there. Here's a very well-regarded one: Good Mood and I believe you can even get a workbook for it.
So yeah, the situation sucks. But you're not done yet. If you can play games till you pass out, then you can find the endurance and willpower to get through all this.
Your topic says it all -- your stress levels seem really high, and given the number and severity of your stressors, that's not surprising. Anxiety can bleed over into all aspects of your life - sleep, sex, general health, mental health. My instinct is that if you can get your anxiety under control, other aspects of your life will follow. Take a look at this and this. I've been working with them over the past couple of weeks for anxiety issues and they're very helpful. Second the motion re: meditation/breathing exercises. Communicate with your SO about your anxiety - make sure she knows it's not her that's the problem! Let her in on the process and let her be part of your solution.
Cold turkey?. Damn. Yeah, I've been sort of "sounding the alarm" for those here on reddit. The two drugs I mention in my previous post are not to be fucked with. Or used regularly, IMO. I was looking for class-action suits to join regarding Effexor. I was only on it for a couple of years. I can't imagine what it's like for a real long-term user. In truth, I have mild tinnitus, so I may even still have some residual effects that I don't hear, but it's been just about exactly a year, so time may have healed the wound.
But it is just the sort of thing one would wish on one's worst enemy.
Please allow me to suggest that you take a look at this book, or maybe the 327 reviews.
This book, along with tranquilizers for GAD, was probably all I ever needed. The anxiety was always a bigger, long-term problem for me. But the book can pull you out of "bad thinking" for lack of a better term, heh. It was working for me before I finished the first chapter, really.
Check out Feeling Good by David Burns. I read it last year and it helped me cure the chronic depression and anxiety that plagued me my entire life. Let me know if you have any questions.. I did a write-up about the steps I took to alleviate my depression in this comment.
Good luck and feel better.. You deserve it! 
FWIW, pick up this book. Check out the reviews. It was recommended to me by my therapist, and started helping me before I finished the first chapter.
I'd recommend David Burns' Feeling Good if you're not too jazzed about therapy -- or maybe an addition to it, if you're receptive to the idea. (amazon) It's cognitive behavioral therapy, thorough and accessible.
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression my whole life, in and out of therapy, on and off meds. Nothing helped me more than discovering cannabis (sorry if it's not helping you, pharmaceuticals were terrible in my experience; ymmv) and reading this book.
There are also a lot of supportive folks over at r/depression that are more well-versed in this sort of thing. Best of luck; hope your situation improves. :)
Feeling Good, David Burns
I'm reading this book. seems to be helping so far.
Have you ever looked into Borderline Personality Disorder? It usually stems from childhood abuse with symptoms being self harm, impulsivity, dissociation, irrational mood swings, and a lack of trust in anyone. Other conditions such as depression and anxiety and also occur alongside it.
I'm asking because I've known I had depression and anxiety for years but felt there was something else beneath it that even my psychologist couldn't pick up. Earlier this week my girlfriend suggested the possibility of me having BPD after telling her of my rather extreme mood swings, alienating people(and her), constant binge eating, impulsive spending, and scanning people for their weaknesses to exploit and use against them, along with sensitivity to any facial gestures hinting at rejection. She was just referencing a magazine article, but I looked into it more and realized it fit me perfectly. I'm actually going to see someone this week to see if it actually is the case. Hyper-sexuality is also a symptom, people needing the sensation of orgasm to stave off the empty feelings. The masturbation for clear mindedness might go along with this.
For me, if it is the case, it's kind of a relief because I would have some form of an explanation. I've been brooding at night trying to figure out how the fuck I'm gonna function in the world being a total headcase, and how I could possibly be the victim that's suffering when I treat the few close people around me like shit. When I glanced at the condition years back I saw cutting as a major symptom, which didn't really apply to me, so I skipped over it. Now I'm reading that self harm could be punching yourself in the face(actually saw that), risky sex or even binge eating.
As for a solution, there's the possibility of CBT and mindfulness meditation. Feeling Good by David Burns and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn are said to help loads of people control their thoughts and actions through changing thought patterns and meditating. My therapist recommended these to me, though I've hardly been in the frame of mind a lot of the time to actually put them into practice, to be honest. There is also the option of just masturbating more often so you won't punch yourself as a temporary solution while you seek more permanent progress in therapy(the therapy is most likely a must).
I'm not an expert whatsoever but take to heart that there isn't any quick fix for any of this stuff in our shit lives. You have my full sympathy and support.
The cheapest ways could be getting sunshine, running and trying cognitive behavioral therapy.
For the CBT I would say torrent ( or buy ) this book.
I tried the CBT before my other suggestions, and it kinda helped, I feel better nowadays.
You're depressed and your attitude is misanthropic. And you're right: neither are attractive.
Two powerful ways to combat depression are exercise and cognitive therapy. Exercise and some weight training will also make you more attractive (including less skinny), but don't do it for that reason - concentrate on how it makes you feel better, and enjoy the changes you see in your body. Cognitive therapy doesn't have to be done with a counselor or a group, but you can do it yourself with a book like "Feeling Good" (Burns) - and based on your block of text, you think more than abstractly enough to find it interesting in itself.
Being misanthropic is very unattractive. You have friends, but you think they are worthless. You look down on others, and therefore you think that others look down on you. Now, it's true that some people are misanthropic. But some people aren't (usually, these are the happy people - and attractive because they are happy). Everyone has good and bad qualities. Everyone can improve. Everyone has something to contribute. Everyone has a unique point of view (consider it literally: only one pair of eyes can occupy one point in space at a time - no one else can have that point of view at that moment). Everyone suffers - and you can empathize with them on that basis. It's not a zero-sum game, where if one person wins, it means another person loses. By cooperating, both can benefit. Most business is based on this idea; but also community service, telling jokes, sex, a hug, and even exchange of a smile. You don't have to be blind to the negatives - but make sure that you are not blind the positives.
If you are wondering if anything is worthwhile, then look at yourself and at others, and note any positives you see. These are things you value. Then, note any negatives you see. The opposite of these are things you value. Try to move towards them - towards people with attributes you admire, things that you value, activities that you value.
Also, it might be worthwhile talking to your GP, and seeing a counselor.
A lot of the things you say I recognize in myself, which is why I returned a day later to write this comment. You really hit home. Good luck.
The number one thing you need to do is stop drinking for a while. You may or may not have a serious problem with alcohol, but if you want to fix the social anxiety, taking alcohol out of the picture for a while is going to be very helpful. Your brain needs to develop in new ways and this will be more efficient without alcohol. Another aspect of this is that alcohol can cause serious problems with anti-depressants. The interactions can cause major judgment defects that can result in dangerous, potentially fatal situations.
One of the things you likely experience is thought distortion. Fantasies about what people are thinking about you and how much they judge you are probably exaggerated. The book <strong>Feeling Good</strong> that others have mentioned is great for addressing thought distortions and eliminating anxiety generating critical thinking. Other books that may be helpful but aren't specifically about anxiety include <strong>The Assertive Option</strong> and <strong>Nonviolent Communication</strong>. If you can afford cognitive behavior therapy, this would probably be extremely helpful.
Another comment about fantasies of being judged is that they can dominate ones attention. You might be interacting with your fantasies about what a person is thinking more than you are interacting with the person. Practice giving the worry a rest. Paying more attention to the person can be helpful - focus on learning about them. Even if your voice is shaking, ignore this and focus on the other person. The other person would probably rather ignore it also until it goes away. If you find paying more attention to the person and less to the worry particularly challenging, attention deficit issues may be a component of your social difficultly.
A few ways to practice communication include joining clubs that require you to learn something to participate: gardening, martial arts, radio controlled airplanes, kites, etc. Being a noob allows you to talk to everyone as you ask questions. Make a small percentage of questions you ask of a personal nature. Joining a book club, public speaking organization, religious organization and participating in public service projects are good options too. Something you can do daily that requires no commitment is pretending you are Southern (if you aren't)... just walk down the street saying, "hey, how's it going to everyone you pass." It may seem odd until someone responds. Ditch your aversion to small talk. It's the normal way people suss each other out to avoid major conflict. It provides a foundation to which you may retreat if something goes amiss such as finding you are on opposite political extremes with your conversation partner. It's also a great way to see how someone else will direct the conversation which will tell you something about them.
Another way to practice being comfortably social is to be very cordial with people who work places you visit. If you have the time, find a coffee shop that is not usually busy and become a regular. Make small talk with the staff and tip them ok. Go here to read the newspaper and your book for the book club. Notice any regulars and say, "Hi, how's it going." If they don't want to talk to you, don't worry about it, there is nothing wrong with being friendly. If they do respond, make small talk about the news or something, then move on to ask them if they have read any good books or seen any good movies. Don't volunteer much information about yourself, make the person ask. If you begin to run out of things to converse about, say "hey, it's been great talking to you, see you around," and leave. If you get in the habit of doing these things all the time, they will become second nature and routine. This will make taking the next social steps easier.
The next thing to do is learn to cook and throw low-key parties. Over the course of chatting people up constantly, you will eventually establish enough rapport with people to invite them to a party for no particularly significant event. Memorial day, Labor day, Independence day, crab boil, or football game are good excuses. Some of my friends did a chicken wing-off. Don't worry about making friends just yet, simply try to have a successful party of acquaintances and spend at least a few minutes talking to each guest. Don't get too elaborate, but try to have parties regularly. Over time, it will become apparent with whom you share common interests. Invite these people over for smaller dinner parties.
I'm sure that this situation is uncomfortable, but do your best to get a sense of humor about it. It will be much more tolerable if you enjoy the learning process and dispense with negative perspective. Likely as not, there is no reason you can't overcome this with dedication and some help. Good luck and have fun!
Read this book: "Feeling Good" - David Burns
Write it (whatever "it" is) out and take it to your doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist.
I'm not sure why your school has a position on medication or why it matters, but you can just go to your regular GP and get it. Generic medications are cheap. Also, your GP obviously isn't allowed to tell anybody about what you say to him/her.
There are some books by psychologists that are helpful. I recommend Feeling Good and Thoughts & Feelings.
Also, I don't know a lot about this, but you can probably work with your school to take a leave of absence or postpone your finals or retake your classes etc. and not lose your scholarship. You are undergoing medical issues (depression, anxiety) and they usually have policies about that sort of thing.
The good news is anxiety and depression are very treatable! You will almost certainly get much better once you receive the treatment you need. Hang in there. :-) hug
I have not read, but a therapist recommended this to me once.
What are your opinions on books that offer treatment and insight into depression? Have you used any and if so have they helped at all? I'm currently reading this and I'm skeptical about the effectiveness of it, but I'm giving it a chance.
Try do to these 5 things every day. Your depression get much better within 4 weeks and you can do these for the rest of your life.
1.) Read the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. You can get it at a library or on Amazon.com. It's a classic self help book that's based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
2.) Live in the present moment. Train yourself to do this when your mind wanders.
3.) Meditate. You can join a meditation class probably.
4.) Exercise. Try to do 30 minutes 5 days a week. Try something that makes you break a sweat.
5.) Get a religion and pray. Pick what you grew up in or your Grandparents practiced.
Good luck and let me know if I can do anything to help!
I've developed some scientifically proven life-long strategies you can use to overcome anxiety and depression and you can do these for life.
Sorry. Here are some resources and stuff I've come across that may or may not be helpful. I'm not a therapist or anything, and I don't know what you are going through, and I know you haven't asked for help, but I have had a little anxiety and depression before and it sucked it so I want to put these out there in case it does.
Someone posted these on reddit and people seemed to like them
I heard this book and this book were insightful
meditation, maybe try an app/website called headspace (there are apps/websites too), ucla website, or youtube
exercise, even if its only a walk outside. on the other hand, throwing some iron around might feel good too. I could offer some advice if you wanted, or try r/fitness or something
sleep schedule, go to bed and wake up at the same time and have a bed time routine
maybe check out jordan peterson, he's popular right now. I have no idea how legit he is, but people seem to find him insightful
anyways, sorry for getting into your business
Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.
My wife absolutely needs her anti-depressants, no doubt. I, on the other hand, just needed this book. Needed to read it, that is. I felt better by the time I finished the first chapter, and in less than nine months I was off of anti-depressants.
The book was recommended to me by my therapist. He has met Dr. Burns a couple of times. Actually, the book is so effective it's been in print for over twenty years, and is probably available at the local library.
Last time I checked, a marriage was two people supporting each other, managing income together, teaching their children manners, managing money, self-esteem, etc.
The only way I would continue to assist him is if he can stick with the program. It starts with a mandatory shower every morning, continues through getting his GED (that achievement, though late, may get him a job by itself. It will also raise self-esteem permanently).
I have more than just my words to offer. He is locked into a negative thought pattern, as you have observed. This book brought me out of similar thought pattern. No, this book is different from all the other "self-help" books (which I despise). I actually felt mentally better after reading one chapter than I had for months.
The author shows the reader how to analyze his thoughts and attitude. I attribute my getting off anti-depressants to reading this book.
You sound like really nice people. Good luck, hope he responds.
yeah, CBT is really more for depression or anxiety; mental health things. and you can indeed do it on your own; the book I used was Feeling Good
keep your head up, and make sure you get that exercise and do everything you can to try and maintain perspective.
"it gets better with time" is true to an extent, but it doesn't just do so on its own. Part of it is getting out of that rut of feeling like "this is just how things are"...
Depression is like a weight, and all objects with mass have inertia. It's easy to gravitate back toward that rut once you stop moving your (metaphorical) legs.
It sounds stupid and obvious and frankly irritating because I was told this all the time in my worst days and refused to believe/admit it - but a lot of it is about your perspective and your willingness to see things more as they truly are (in terms of how impactful the things you view as negative really are, etc)...
Please consider checking out this book (no referral code here): Feeling Good
Also, consider mindful meditation... I use Headspace which starts out free for several days so you can decide if you like it or not before paying anything.
It'll get better, but you do have to work hard at it. I'm not suggesting you're not working at it now, I'm just saying for the sake of anyone reading - time alone doesn't do it. Time and maturity and a willingness to work out of it and find productive things to do with your time is what helps.
If you want to fix this try reading this book. It didnt help me but it did help me understand this.
I get what you are saying. To some degree, you have to put the past behind you and choose to not be bitter and angry.
The thing is you are judging people here. You are saying the easy way out is to be unhappy. I would never say that to someone suffering.
There is nothing wrong with what you said, if you just replaced the we with I and the you with I.
I feel like everyone needs a safe place to express themself without someone saying your expression of sadness is the easy way out.
So speak for yourself and what you are trying to do; but don't lump everyone with you. Especially in a general post.
If you want to follow through with your cognitive behavioural therapy; you may want to read this book.
why do you think people look at you with disgust? who are these people? They probably think the same thing, that everyone's judging them, but honestly everyone's just judging themselves. We interpret other's actions without knowing what they're thinking while we expect people to understand our actions without knowing what we're thinking. Don't tell yourself you're a waste of time. I told myself that for years and it stopped me from opening up to my friends and family, which I felt like I had none for a long time. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but there's this book I read recently that helped me change what I was thinking. I knew about it for years before I actually looked at it because my mom was pushing me to read it and I thought it was some christian book. It talks about the self-hate all of us go through. Anyways, here's the link to it, you can probably find it in a library or order it online. Combating self hate is a constant battle, one I face every day. Hope this helps at least a little.
"not with therapy, meds, exercise, yoga, hobbies, change of scene, stable routine, more sleep, less sleep, more work, less work, more socializing, less socializing" - I think you did not change one think. Try this....try changing YOURSELF and your perspective of life.
This might help.
When the without fails you, look within.
All the best!
I have two nominees:
1) Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy - Dr. David Burns (pp. unk.)
2) Many Lives, Many Masters - Dr. Brian Weiss (120 pp)
Dr. Burns' work is worth keeping on the bookshelf because it is such a great resource when a friend runs up on hard times, mentally. This book allows you to see yourself from the outside, and teaches you positive ways to approach life. Down-to-earth, easily digestible.
Dr. Weiss' work is nothing short of mind-blowing, for those of us not familiar with other dimensions, life after death, and more. Dr. Weiss hypnotically regresses a patient suffering from crippling panic attacks and anxiety through her past lifetimes. What both of them learn will open your eyes, and maybe make your jaw drop. Certainly a worthwhile read, even if you don't subscribe to the author's conclusions. Jargon-free and user-friendly. Highly recommended.
It's pretty apparent that that way of thinking isn't working out for you.
I'm positive those two books would help you if you don't block out what they're trying to convey.
> The enemy of the best is the good.
It seems to me that you have this routine which is obviously not something you're exactly accustomed to. I changed my life around regarding dieting, exercising, nofap, sleeping well, etc., and like you, I thought it would be all I needed to be a happy person and fuck hot chicks. It wasn't. I gained 50 lbs. in 4 months (skinny as fuck) and thought I was the man yet I still wasn't progressing in the area I needed it most: confidence with females. I want to help you, but I can't help you much more unless you read those books and realize that you are basically choosing to be unhappy. You're developing these ego-crutches to be satisfied and if one goes down you fall; it should not be that way.
There are good resources to do exactly what I'm talking about. "Stop being sad" is way too blunt and of course no one would listen to that. My old depressed self said that type of rhetoric was bullshit. I can't choose to be happy. However, if a person actually chooses to begin becoming happy again, they can read amazing resources like those. You can check the 5 star reviews for that book; it's basically a really in-depth way of telling you that you choose to be depressed.
Straight 21 year old guy here, new too this sub so no rating scale for me, but I will give my opinion and advice.
I think you need a new haircut, check out /r/MaleHairAdvice, I have only started lurking the sub today but it looks promising. Personally I went from long, a little shorter than yours (and a little curly, not straight) to short and I have gotten a few complements and gotten checked out more, but Personally i love my new hair cut. It really comes down to if you like it or not.
I like the flanel but I think the outfit as a whole could be a little better, check out /r/MaleFashionAdvice. I have fallen in love with this sub, and has taken my wardrobe from baggy jeans, cargo shorts and screen tees to well fitting jeans (still looking for well priced pastel/neutral shorts!) great fitting v-necks that complement my figure/face, awesome button ups, cardigans, I'm going to stop because this could go on :P But I really recommend keeping your own style in the mix, alot of what I wear is on the fringe or outside of what MFA advises, but it's my style so its ok. Oh also spend ALOT of time on the sidebar, they have SO much great info. Read everything twice or three times (first read threw the colors section I was like "I'm not gay enough to have to worry about this shit" but after reading a couple times it makes sence!)
You look like a confident guy, but if you struggle with depression or confidence issues like I do, read this book, I just started it but I already know its going to help me.
8 dollar therapy
I didn't read your post like you said, so here's some generic advice: trip on psychedelic drugs. Travel; go to another country to teach English. Read one of these books:
Self-help. If she balks, run, do not walk, away.
Feeling Good by David Burns is a great book, written by the person who basically invented cognitive therapy. It teaches how to improve your mood by noticing cognitive distortions and learning techniques for how to deal with them.
You need to read this book. Your problem is you are freaking your own self out - like this:
>So whenever I feel that a girl is attracted to me, my mind races through what would happen if I went for it (first date, start hanging out a lot, become comfortable with each other, sex) and I get uncomfortable.
The book will tell you how to get more control over your thoughts so that you can learn how to respond in a way that is in line with your own best interests. I learned about it on reddit. It's basically CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy.
On a related note, read this CBT book:
Get this book and you won't need them anymore, seriously, believe you're going to be OK.
I'll just leave this here:
That book + marijuana.
This is not a guarantee of success, or a flippant offer at easy help; please buy and read Feeling Good: the new mood therapy , a guide to the core principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a methodology clinically proven effective at Stanford University. When implemented CORRECTLY, this methodology helps you break the cycle of anxiety, depression, anxiety about depression, depression about anxiety and so forth.
Download the kindle sample and read the intro. It is possible that it can help.