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Hey OP, if you username wasn’t a flag on its own, your post history certainly is. Given that you were recently asking about guns, I don’t think it’s wise for strangers to be opening their homes to you.
As someone who has struggled from extreme depression, I have some idea of the pain you are feeling. Before you make any big decisions, I need you to pick up a copy of Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s free with a library card in the LA Public Library system. Get the Libby app and have it the audiobook read to you on your phone.
That book uses a principle known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it’s effective and fast-acting.
Do your parents know you’re suicidal?
Jesus Christ. Who are you, Winston Smith? Let go of that fatalist attitude. It won't get you anywhere, except more depressed. Regardless of when you die, there's nothing you can do about time passed, so where's the sense in fretting over it? In addition to the advice I posted separately, I recommend reading some literature on changing your mindset. "Feeling Good" by David Burns is a good one. It costs $6 on amazon.
Buy and read Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.
It provides a straightforward and scientifically accepted (Stanford University) self-help method known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
As detailed in the introduction, the clinical trials of the efficacy of the book itself vs the book and meds vs meds alone show equal results between the book and meds, but much longer lasting benefits from the book.
Just do it. It's $5. Throw it away if it doesn't work.
Try this book.
I hate self-help books. This one works. I can see my copy from where I sit. I use it occasionally like a reference book. It's been in print so long, it's probably in the library.
Dude, you are going through a serious detox and reset process. With those many addictions to spike your dopamine being your normal, your brain thinks now it is the end of the world without all that stimulus.
Face your demons. One of the most useful books I have found about the topic is "feeling good: The new mood therapy".
It is the top recommended book on /r/depression, and even for people who are not depressed, it helps you to understand the links between your thoughts, actions and your moods... And when you have more control over your thoughts and moods, you will have less need for artificial stimulus.
Go to the place you used to talk together, when it's quiet. Clear your mind. Talk to her.
I lost my mom to suicide when I was fifteen, my father to heart attack when I was twenty-one. I had never felt so lost. So I started talking to him. Most of the time, I could hear him. And the words sounded like him.
When you are ready, pick up this book. It sounds like your Mom could use it sooner rather than later. It's been in print so long, it's probably at your local library.
It's not pop-psychology, no junk science. It helped me out of a bad mental space I was in, and can be referred to like a reference book, whenever you are stuck in a "mental rut". This could help your mother stop blaming herself.
I am sorry for your loss.
I wish you Peace.
I would recommend doing some mindfulness training and cognitive therapy self-assessment. I've had depression my whole life and I have to say that it's a slippery slope. It can undermine your efforts. Attacks of depression can keep me out of the gym sometimes and even occasionally undermine my keto efforts. Trying to work out, for example, while seriously depressed is hopeless and impossible. Learning to assess your thinking and identifying cognitive distortions in your thinking is an important step in the right direction. Perhaps consider learning mindfulness meditation and then get a book like Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy which breaks down the relationship between distorted thoughts and depressed feelings. Mindfulness meditation can be as simple as sitting with your back straight and putting your attention on your breath. As thoughts arise you simply think, "Thinking about X" and then stop the thought, continuing to meditate. It teaches you observer consciousness, which in turn helps you develop both awareness of your thoughts and moods and a degree of detachment from them. Hope this helps.
I have some answers. Well, Dr. Burns does. In this book. It was recommended to me by my therapist, and on the day it arrived, it changed my life for the better.
Sounds dumb? Well, I read the first chapter the first evening. It's ~50 pp. Some of it is answering self-evaluation questions on a 1-5 scale, which takes just a bit of thought, but as the questions and observations of yourself by yourself sort of propel you to the next point, and you feel better, more in control of your thought process, more sure in your sense of who you really are, what you really feel about yourself...it's quite uplifting in a "I accomplished this for myself and it's stuff I can use for a lifetime" sort of way.
My therapist actually has had a couple of conversations with the author. He's apparently a really nice guy, on top of being some level of what this poster terms "genius".
The book's been in steady publication for >20 years, it's probably available at your local library.
Got a book for you.
It was recommended to me by therapist. I attribute my getting off anti-depressants in less than a year after having read this book.
I could feel how "the dark cloud" had lifted after only one chapter (~50pp.). And I knew it was going to continue, because I now had tools to stop causing myself to be down on myself.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so it's probably available in your local library.
What are your opinions on books that offer treatment and insight into depression? Have you used any and if so have they helped at all? I'm currently reading this and I'm skeptical about the effectiveness of it, but I'm giving it a chance.
Please go read this right now! Seriously! It costs like eight bucks, and it'll help like crazy. I've read it cover to cover three times, and it totally took me out of the state you are in when I was in that state.
If you don't have an amazon account, you can probably get it at large bookstore or maybe even your library. Please hang in there, your feelings WILL pass eventually, and there ARE ways that you can work things out without killing yourself.
You need a book. This one. It helped change my attitudes, and my way of thinking.
Let go. If you are always looking back while you're moving forward, you are certain to fall.
it sounds like you are depressed. your behavior indeed appears to be self-sabotage, but this is not uncommon with depression. find a competent therapist. check out Feeling Good. aggressive self-criticism can make this situation much worse. when evaluating your behavior, think in terms of "effectiveness" rather in critical terms like "asshole" or "stupid". turn your self-blame into the positive assertion that there is hope for you to improve upon your current situation. there are likely cognitive distortions that are having a significant negative affect upon your motivation. this is not necessarily something for which you should be blamed, but it is something you can change. investigate how to make the changes you need to improve your life experience, do the work required and be proud of yourself.
Since she is resistant to professional help, this is something I've done in the past.
Communication and reinforcement. Tell her that she is beautiful, sexy, hot, talented and then make sure that you follow it up by making your actions match your words. Constantly touch and caress (as long as it doesn't irritate her "too" much) and smile at her. When she gets down on her self, tell her that you are a much better judge of women than she is and your opinion and actions should be telling her something. Constant compliments while intimate, (I love your skin, you are the perfect size, you feel so good..). Stop just short of making her feel like a steak in a wolf pen.
See if there is a translation of this book in your native language. Tell her that you are feeling a bit down and you need her to read this too so she can help you get back on track. She can't read it without getting at least an idea that she is in a few of the mental traps that this book describes.
Also be aware that this is not an instant process, nor a cure. Insecurity is a life long struggle.
Sorry if my English is hard to translate, I tried to keep it as easy for you as possible. (Your english is fine BTW)
I don't know whether you are willing to try a self help book, but I have used Feeling Good by David Burns. It's been around for a long time (first published in the early 80s) and the guy is a respected professor at Stanford, so he's not some fly-by-night quack.
Anyway, the book is basically a set of cognitive-behavioral therapy tools in book format. The idea is that your thoughts are what affect your feelings and that depressed people have truly distorted thoughts. Basically, it starts by helping you recognize your moods and then giving you ways of recasting and challenging your thinking. I've personally found it very helpful and instructive, even though I was skeptical; I've learned a lot about myself.
If I had more money or a better health care plan, I'd consider in-person therapy, but this book apparently works for a lot of people--especially for those of us who want to get at the root of our depressive feelings and not just medicate the symptoms (the moods).
So, yeah. The only thing I'd warn with this book is that the first chapter is spent more or less defending the use of cognitive therapy and citing how it can be as effective or better than drugs. The real substance of the book starts with Chapter 2. :D
If you are not willing to see someone for some cognitive therapy, spend $10 and pick this up.
I know, I know "wtf? a self help book?" don't judge a book by its genre :)
Give it a try.
Glad to hear of the improvement. Some of these afflictions fade of their own, due to changing biochemistry, others can be affected by attitude, as you seem to have done. Please allow me to suggest reading this book. Check out the reviews, see if it sounds like something that could help you.
I am a congenital anxiety sufferer, and know the Hell that anxiety in all its forms can cause. Best of luck, keep smiling. It'll make everyone wonder what you've been up to. ;-)
I believe Feeling Good and the handbook have a lot of questions/exercises of that sort.
However, I still recommend seeing a therapist. It holds you accountable for actually finishing the exercises, plus the therapist could have insights you wouldn't think of on your own (distorted thinking and all)
I've been there and it sucks.
I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of Feeling Good. This will teach you how to force yourself out of negative thinking patterns and how to feel better about yourself. I know how impossible that seems when you're feeling really down, but please give it a read. This book helped me learn how to defeat self-hate and depression more than therapy and medication ever did, and I can't recommend it enough.
You need this book. Recommended by my therapist. Turned my life around by turning the way I thought around.
It's inexpensive, and you can feel the increase of positive feedback in your attitude pretty much right away.
Pick up this book.
I bought this book on the recommendation of my therapist. I started understanding my problem and literally started feeling better before I finished the first chapter. Check out the reviews.
Wow, I can't believe people haven't mentioned this already. I've suffered with debilitating and severe depression my entire adult life, and tried nearly everything people in this thread have mentioned (most in jest of course.) Exercise is great for prevention, but of course when you're depressed you don't usually feel much like exercising.
But what actually works is simple, doable, and most importantly backed by evidence-based studies: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The method of changing the thoughts and feelings that are causing your depression. (This is NOT "trying to think of happy things.")
I highly recommend the book Feeling Good by Dr. Burns.
It has helped me enormously, and if you're struggling with depression you owe yourself to get this book. You'll discover WHY you're depressed, and more importantly what to DO about it to change your depression quickly. If I ever get depressed about something (rare now) I know what to do immediately to stop it within 15 minutes. Good luck!
I had ED from Zoloft. Cure worse than disease. Oh good, I feel like shit, now my dick doesn't get hard anymore?
Yeah, I put up with that for almost a year. Phht. I'm off psychotropics, now. I use weed, and refer to this book.
I have the exact same problem as you (I'm almost your height and weight too) except instead of being heavy when I was younger, I was a twig. It was a shock to my system to go from being 5'8" and 105lbs in high school to 135lbs in college + after. That might not seem like a lot to some, but on my frame, I can really see a difference. While the logical side of me says: "You look better with some meat on you! You're getting muscle now, that weighs more, too! You work out and eat healthy," the nagging, obsessive side says the same kind of awful shit: "You're not as skinny as you used to be, you need to lose more weight, if you just lost a few more pounds your arms would look better, blah blah blah."
So, what do? I'm participating in the No-Scale-for-a-Month challenge, because I know I get waaaay too obsessed over numbers on a scale. Maybe that's an option for you, too? Also relevant: vanity sizing. You may be an 8 somewhere, but somewhere else you're a 4. It's really hard to get an accurate measurement of your size through clothing because this sort of "fake sizing" runs amok now. I use a tape measurer to gauge my size, but I only use it once a month. I would also suggest counseling. It's helping me a lot. If you can't afford counseling, this book is awesome. Best of luck to you--you can PM me if you want to talk more. :)
Based on your words, I suspect this book may be more than helpful. It was recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author. It's not expensive, (may be in the library), and starts the process of improving your state of mind almost immediately.
Do you wake up, or rather, do you startle awake, instantly anxious?
Anxiety, ADD, OCD, Depression, are all a function of memory. Do you have symptoms in these other areas?
I take meds 4x/day for anxiety, plus a slow-release med. It's nice to slow the world down once in a while.
You can also take a look at this. It was recommended to me by my therapist, and changed my life for the better.
I'm not a professional. However, in my opinion you have textbook case of severe depression. Have a look at /r/Depression. Not that there's any easy help, but most people find solace in realizing they're not alone.
I'd highly recommend Feeling Good by David Burns. It also includes a scale for depression and I'm guessing you're scoring high. (Feeling worthless, motivating yourself to do anything is hard, sucidal...). You can cough, cough find it as a pdf on the internet if you're not able to get your hands on a physical copy.
Do me, and yourself, a favor and read the book. You have little to lose and much to gain. There are ways of dealing with this.
This goes without saying, but obiviously, anyone with sucidal thoughts should seek professional help immediately and not simply rely on a book.
>any free-to-use website should not be counted as any more valid than any other free-to-use website, meaning not at all for purposes of meaningful discussion
Seriously though, you should get help. You're going around calling yourself Subhuman Trash, ranting at people on the internet, assuming you automatically know their positions and motives, and are defending a notoriously dishonest website. You don't have to live like that and there is no reason to.
If you are in a tight financial situation where you don't have the time/money to see a therapist, you should check out do-it-yourself Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Here is one my professor recommended to the class, it's a new take on eastern meditative reflection to be more applicable and easy-to-use in the modern world, and it's been shown to be extremely effective.
I found [link] to be a very useful book. The exercises didn't feel immediately useful, but things sunk in and it got me over a few problems I was having. There's lots in there you won't like, but you should be able to find a few things that fit.
I don't know if its your kind of book but, "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns, is a self-help book. I read around and it had a lot of good reviews. And is really something of a seller.
I bought it and read the first 50'ish pages, but then started going to a psychologist instead, so I never did finish it. But it should help, look into one self, and try to look into why you aren't happy and such.
Cognitive psychology I believe it was called.
Again, only an advice! Good luck, and take care.
Thanks a lot for your input.
I've heard about Brain Lock from several sources. I just might have to pick it up, as my therapist even recommended that I do some reading. I've never really been much on self-help books, but some of the insights I've obtained by reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy has helped in several ways (though not nearly enough).
The steps that you outlined seems very rooted in CBT, and re-reading them sounds almost too simple and good to be true. However, my therapist gave me a handout that outlined almost identically what you have mentioned. Thanks again for that, and I might start practicing that (along with mindfulness).
Hi. How are you doing?
If you want to vent, let me help you. PM me.
Also if you want to talk about specifics drop by /r/depression.
If you want to try something that might help you, try this book. It has been recommended by some people on that thread. You can usually find a copy online if you look for it.
All the best!
Hmm. It still sounds like you manage the mother of all cases of performance anxiety each time. I, your perfect internet stranger, suggest counseling, specifically for sexual dysfunction. You might benefit from post-hypnotic suggestion or some other semi-exotic aid to get you right.
In all seriousness, I would start thinking of this from a medical point of view. You do seem to have taken enough varied approaches that a "next step" is in order. In the meantime let yourself off the hook! Let yourself up, give yourself a break, lighten up on yo' bad self. You accomplish only negative things with the negative thinking.
I am going to verge close to annoying here and offer this book, which helped Old_School get out of a "loop depression" (I don't know how to describe it, it was depression,and maybe a touch of OCD, maybe) a few years back. The book's been around for a while, so it's probably available at the library.
If you aren't already reading Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, it is the bible of cognitive-behavioral therapy, the most common and maybe most effective therapy for the broadest range of psychological ills. It's what many therapists will give you on day 1, and get you to work through as you go through therapy. It's worth it's weight in gold.
The basis is that your thoughts determine your emotions. The things you tell yourself constantly (most of which you don't even notice), lead to the way you feel. And unhealthy attitudes come from distorted thinking. So there are about 12 common ways people bend the truth when they think, or talk to themselves in their minds. If you analyze the things you are telling yourself, and diligently seek out any of those cognitive distortions and correct them, and do that for long enough, you will change your deep-seated beliefs, and your emotions will follow. It really works well, if you really do it and do it right. You can't cut corners.
There are a lot of little tricks in there for all kinds of problems in life - conquering procrastination, self-esteem, and relationship issues. That last one was extremely helpful to me.
Awesome, its incredible to hear that a work of art inspired you to continue living. You should share your experience with the devs at bioware.
Alos, now that you have some clarity please seek out help for your depression. Depression is a normal case of "the blues" and needs to be taken on aggressively like the lethal illness, and leading cause of teenage death it is.
AT the very least I would buy This Book
It was the first thing I came across about Cognitive Behavior Therapy and even today its sticks close to me. Its a popular book and chances are good your local library even has a copy.
Depression is caused by a dysfunction of the brain and thought patters that support it. Depression is not "you" is it something alien to yourself that can be beaten and dealt with. Depression can be triggered by periods of sadness, the confusion of building an ego as a teenager, and life events, but depression is not at all "normal." You also don't just snap out of it.
The book is a great start and if you are 16 you likely are on your parents health plan. See if you can get therapy. And its ok if you have to go through a couple therapists to find one that works well for you.
Life is a wonderful thing and there will be lots of great works of art like Dragon Age 3 you would miss out on if you check out early. Hang in there and find some help with the clarity you have found before the depression monster comes back to bite you again. That way when he comes back you will be armed and ready to fight him off and get back to living life.
Got a couple books for you to read while you wait. One is "Feeling Good." It is about how to use congnitive behavioral therapy to feel better. CBT therapy focuses on changing how to you talk to yourself. One of the things I saw you say is "this shit always happens. There is always a roadblock anytime I try to do anything." It's called "stinking thinking"--whenever you find yourself using the word always, you are "forecasting the future" and saying nothing in your life will change. So instead tell yourself--Even though I think things always go wrong for me, I realize that's stinking thinking. I tried coming to this thread and got responses from people who supported me and gave me suggestions of new stuff to try. If everything went badly for me always, everyone would have yelled at me and no one would have tried to support me. So I can't say that bad things will always happen to me--I've already proved that wrong. Therefore, I have to believe that good things will happen in the future."
My favorite book--
Been there. I know exactly what you are going through. Many excellent suggestions in the replies. I will just recommend a book that helped me a great deal (even more than therapy) to get out of the blues. It's Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. Highly recommended. The basic premise if your thoughts are the cause of your feelings. Change the thoughts and feelings will change. It sounds too simplistic, but it worked wonders in my case.
Feeling Good. Even if you don't have depression or anxiety, it's worth a read to see how easily cognitive distortions can cloud your thinking. He gives a list of the 10 most common ones he sees with patients early in the book.
Read this. The best 8 bucks I've spent to help me out of anxiety and depression. It uses logical reasoning to help you with your mindset.
I would say that you really need to focus on when you use "negative" talk.
Focus on what it is, realize that when you use negative talk, you are over-emphasizing whatever it is you are feeling bad about, and then correct it with a positive statement. I think the really important thing is to write this shit down, otherwise you just turn your wheels in your head.
Google "David Burns Work Sheets" for some good cognitive therapy related stuff that will really make you think, this is of course if you have a basic understanding of what cognitive therapy is, if you read at least 25% of the book i suggested or something like it.
This was recommended to me by my therapist many years ago. I ignore his advice for about 10 years. I recently picked it up and found it helpful.
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy -- There's a workbook as well, but I don't have that, so I don't know how useful it might be.
I hope you found something to help you with your struggles.
hey you should check out this Feeling Good by David Burns. It really helped me with dealing with negative thinking and low self-worth. Give it a try.
Feeling Good by David Burns is one of the classic CBT books written for the layperson. The language can be a little dated, but it's a pretty good resource. If you're seriously thinking of using CBT with clients, however, I'd recommend biting the bullet and paying for a real treatment manual. Professional resources are expensive, but you want to make sure that you have a complete understanding of the material before you use it on clients.
Maybe this isn't the kind of response you're looking for, I don't know. A few months ago I had sunk really, really low. I couldn't afford to see my therapist. I refused to go to the doctor for fear that they'd tell me nothing was wrong. I bought this book ([link]), and it was actually very helpful. I never finished it, but just starting to read it and making a few positive changes, and actually acknowledging that I had a problem, was enough to get me to start making the changes I needed to get back on my feet again. It probably could have been any self help book to be honest (I just needed something to get the momentum started), but this one was recommended to me by someone so I figured I'd give it a shot.
Hmm...It could be the therapists you had or maybe it's just not for you...you might check out this book: Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy By David Burns
I am not at all into self-help books but my Mom gave this to me a few years back and there's actually a lot of really useful stuff in there...not just some dude telling you to "buck-up" or describing how awesome everything is...it actually outlines specific mental exercises you can do as part of cognitive behavioral therapy. You might even be able to find a PDF version online for free. I'm not sure.
I can recommend you this book. It really helped me a lot and it gives you techniques to overcome your negative thinking patterns. It goes really well with therapy.
It's also worth checking out a book called 'Feeling Good' by Doctor Burns. I'd be lying if I said it cured me of all my anxiety / depression but it has set me on the right track and has made me feel better about myself.
I suggest this book: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
It has helped me understand my feelings and helped me emerge from a suicidal depression.
Basically, thoughts emit feelings, and those thoughts are based on a chain of internalized assumptions that are subject to particular set of logical fallacies. Suicidal depression is the outcome of a situation where the sufferer is in such intense and inescapable internal pain such that suicide seems to be the only escape. This book helped me recognize that all situations are solvable, and that emotional pain is something that can be controlled with conscious thought and practice.
Sorry for your loss. Seems like you have to endure a lot. I know it must be tiring, but you're resilient and you'll rise above all the negativity. Please don't believe the bullshit your parents try to program you with. You'll rise above it. Some things taht helped me:
-self-compassion.org is basically about how to be kind to yourself the same way you'd like to be nice to someone else
-the book "Feeling Good" sounds super corny but its about cognitive behavorial therapy. how to reprogram your automatic negative thoughts.
Getting over depression requires practice. Some days you just want to curl up in a ball. Other days you'll find energy to make yourself stronger. Cloudy days don't mean that the sun will never shine again. Brighter days ahead.
I recently had a bout with it and it sucks yeah :V
I started spending more time away from my computer/electronics and spent time with friends or going on nature walks. Just kept myself distracted.
The only other thing I could recommend would be cognitive behavioural therapy. I found a clinic that offered free help if I didn't make enough and that was the only therapy they offered for my depression and even after one session I did start feeling better.
Unfortunately I moved away before I could complete the course, but I bought a book about CBT called Feeling Good and it helped me out immensely.
The only thing I can really say is that involuntary childhood therapy onset by a loss/traumatic event and voluntary adult therapy are two separate breeds. I think it is pretty obvious how unhappy you are, and especially how unhappy you are with her. You are in this relationship by your own actions, so by those same actions that you can control, you can forge your own path to happiness.
If you absolutely can't talk to anyone, there are many good books out there for depression. Feeling Good really helped me out.
Hey! So, i know this will probably get buried in all these other wonderful comments, and that's okay - I just want you, /u/thisyearbetteryear, to hopefully see it! Basically, I see a lot of my past self in your post - how you seem to constantly want to be better and because of that you can't appreciate the current state... all that yada yada and so on and so forth. But, hey, if i could send myself a book a decade ago, I really would have sent myself this book. It seems really cheesy but it really helps you learn how to watch they way you mentally shape your situations. Things like letting small details overwhelm you (like OMG if that one skin feature wasn't like it was) and being unsatisfied by imperfections... i don't want to bore you - but really. You have so much of your life in front of you. Do yourself a favor - read like the first chapter of this book. Some of it might seem obvious, and obviously some of it you're already catching on to, but please... just give it a go and read some of it anyway. It might make a big difference in your life. Or it might not. But it's like six dollars, it's probably hella cheaper than what you've spent on la roche porshay ;).
I wandered around in an alcohol-fueled depression for five years after I trashed a great relationship. What a waste of time. Which is just what OP is doing, wasting time on something that will never get better.
Cut ALL contact. Get into therapy (a social worker can be a therapist, you don't need a shrink), and pick up this book. It's been out for years, so it's probably available at your local library.
I was in a bad mental place years ago, and Dr. Burns' book had me looking differently at life after the first chapter. I attribute my ability to get off anti-depressants entirely within a year or so to reading this book. YMMV.
My bf just holds me and says he's here in a comforting way. Sometimes he asks questions or listens to me if I want to talk it out. He just says we will get through this. It helps me. Going for hikes or long walks outside helps me a lot.
She should look into the methods of helping depression, like eating and sleeping well, getting outdoor activity like walks or exercise, learning how to cope with and express her pain. Therapy or books on the subject might help. Look up this book for her. The reviews speak for themselves. [link]
Do you already adress your depression by seeing a therapist? If you don't want to seek a therapist, i can recommend this self-help book:
Also, get your blood tested for deficiencies and allergies, as they can cause depression or depression like symptoms. Lifting can really support the healing process of depression, so keep up the work and get the gains your aiming for. I wish you all the best.
My therapist asked me to get Feeling Good by David Burns during our first session. She used it as a primer to teaching me CBT.
>The problem is that I am not sure how to do it unconciously.
Same thing I talked about with negative thought patterns. You condition unconscious behavior by repetitive conscious behavior. Relax those eye muscles 100k times and your brain will figure out to keep them relaxed.
>I believe that this basically has to do with tons of fears that are build because of the fear of not being enough and not being loved. I have always searched for external validation because I was unhappy on the insight.
You should look into cognitive behavioral therapy. Check out the bood: Feeling good: The New Mood Cure. It's basically the guidebook on how to identify and stop the negative thinking patterns that lead to dysfunctional emotions (Depression, self-loathing).
>I made mistakes I regret and that hunt me every day. I can't change it and I didn't do them from a conscious mindset. How to deal with that? I have no idea! I could be talking with people but I am not sure if it would be good.
>I just want to get my eyesight back.
Keep the possibility in mind that you may have organic dysfunction in the eye that can not be fixed. Not everything can be healed.
Read this book: [link]
The negative thoughts you have about yourself are not real! You can beat this. I've been dealing with mild depression for a long time and only really realized it within the past few months. Your life is worth living and there are people that care deeply about you that would be devastated if you were not around. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing the things your brain tells you, but believe me, they are not real and you can change them!
What I think is that folks that classify doing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as only the fellowship have missed the mark.
If one does not engage in the inventory process that is steps 4 & 5 & 10 & 11, then one is not actually doing Alcoholics Anonymous.
I had to go through 2 sponsors until I met a third that had a process of analysis, one might say psychiatric-like-analysis, that is the process of taking inventory and sharing that inventory with someone else.
We do it for fun and for free but basically it is the psychiatric analysis that Freud, Jung, David D. Burns, M.D. took from the ancients. Some really early philosophers said something like, "The un-examined life is not worth living" and so we examine our lives. We check the results of the experiments that we've run and try new things where we didn't like the results. It might serve all of us in recovery to take a moment or two and study the origins of psychiatric analysis and how it has changed over the years.
I would also like to put a plug in for therapeutic drugs. I've met some folks that are off their meds and realize that some folks have congenitally present problems that can't be AA'd away. There are folks that need to be managed.
I wonder just how many folks in AA actually do inventory like it is laid out in the book? Maybe 5 to 10 percent? Maybe.
Try reading a couple chapters (about 40-50 pages) of this book. You can skip the foreword and other verbiage at the beginning. Dr. Burns helps you identify negative behaviors and thought patterns so you can eliminate them. I use it like a reference book if I think I'm getting depressed or just out of kilter.
There's no jargon and no cult stuff, just plain English, a self-assessment and more. I got off anti-depressants a while after I read the book.
Anger is similar to depression, some would say depression is anger turned inside. If you have an excess of anger to the point that exercising is not enough, perhaps there is deeper issue?
There is an exercise in the book "Feeling Good" that is very good at helping you identify you thoughts that are upsetting you. They book is based on identifying your inner hamster and replacing these thoughts with more logical ones.
you can get it for $.01 used on amazon, or $0 pdf bit torrent. Buy the hard copy, I do this exercise twice a week. I really wish we could get this book referenced more in this sub. It is well know that many of use are hit with the angry phase -- this is great tool for getting past that.
I recommending getting the book Feeling Good by David Burns. This is what I'm using for my CBT. It's been around since 1980 and provides solid research for the effectiveness of its techniques. The important part is you must do the exercises everyday. The book is insightful and easy to read but useless if you do not do the exercises.
Indeed, shrooms can relieve symptoms for a while but cannot cure depression. They can give you amazing insights into why you are feeling this or that, but in any case no psychs will cure you. Seek a therapist and work on the integration of your insights, and work on everything else, because depression can be very complex and deeply rooted. Don't take a huge dose thinking the stronger the better, especialky if you have a mental condition.
Stay safe, meditate, seek a therapist, start acting and read this:
Feeling Good by David Burns. Give it a shot. The whole book wont apply to you so it'll be more "pick and choose" for the chapters that apply. I just went through a major life change. It caused me to develop serious depression and anxiety. This book was recommended to me and it's definitely helping on my tougher days. Hang in there, buddy!
Recomendo esse livro aqui, me ajudou bastante:
Eu sei que não é um livro que vai resolver o problema de uma vida, mas progresso é sempre progresso, e terminando a faculdade deve ter bem menos estresse na sua vida.
Outra coisa que me ajuda
However, in addition to getting enough sleep, exercising a little bit, and some cognitive therapy, it's possible to get through, just takes time!
Also a really good book to help with understanding the ol' brain (and specifically working through depression):
Been there including hospitalization for depression. The trick that worked for me was to find good distractions to get my mind off of negative ruminating and just better thinking in general (more below). Video games, a significant other, biking, and alcohol worked (until recently for alcohol). For the last decade I have been depression free and mostly happy.
Have you looked into CBT? If you cannot afford or don't want to see a therapist this is a great way to start feeling better right away! [link]
Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy".
Got me off anti-depressants in nine months, make me feel better om one night- by the end of chapter one. It's been in print for over 20 years. Check it out.
That's rough and I can understand why you have anxiety, that kind of pressure is a lot. Just do your best to get a good rest in a night so that you are ready to go in the morning, or even set things out for yourself the night before to save time. Doing things to ensure time saving can also be kinda cathartic, like cooking a huge meal that /r/MealPrepSunday would be proud of to eat for the week.
You can do this. It will take some extra work and be trying, but you can do it.
Edit: Also the book Feeling Good might be useful while you aren't able to seek therapy. It's essentially a CBT selfguide?
If you aren't already familiar with it, may I recommend the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Best of luck with reducing your anxiety! It can definitely be done, I used to suffer from near-constant anxiety but rarely experience anxiety anymore.
I had a therapist recommend me this book.. Haven't gotten around to reading it, but it's pretty cheap. Not the best idea, but smoking used to help me. I've since stopped, but back when things would get bad, I'd step out for a cigarette and that gave me a bit of a "break" from life and worries.
Also, did you try different schools of therapy? Most of mine used CBT which never helped. My new one is switching it up and I feel it's more helpful.
And if it's not too personal, how many antidepressants did you try? I went through 5 SSRIs/SNRIs that didn't help and gave pretty nasty side effects. Currently, I'm on bupropion and buspar. They don't really feel like they're helping, but they don't have any real side effects. It might be worth trying a new class of meds depending on your insurance. Except abilify, none ever cost me more than a few bucks.
Edit: Oh yeah, this will depend entirely on what your doctor says, but I developed secondary ADHD inattentive type due to depression. I started taking adderall for that and it helps a lot. But I don't think they use it in most cases because the come down can be really rough.
We're I you, OP, I would print out what this poster said and tape it to a mirror. I have a few tidbits to add:
My therapist recommended me this book: Feeling Good
It's not going to cure you or anything but I found it very enlightening. Firstly, it'll help you realize what you're feeling isn't completely foreign and can be understood. Secondly, it'll give you some quick and easy techniques to help change some of your thinking. I've always considered myself a very logical person but sometimes you don't realize how far astray you can get in certain areas.
I'd check it out, most local libraries will have it. It's a bit on the larger side but you can easily skip around to the relevant sections.
Drugs aren't the only solution but they are a powerful one. Have you met with a therapist yet? It sounds like you really need someone to guide you in combating your anxiety. You should also give meds a chance, they aren't perfect but they are definitely a big help to many people. You can check out info on meds on the sidebar plus there's some guides on meditation if you're willing to give that another go.
Also, I'm going to shove the book Feeling Good out there for you because it's a great CBT based book for Depression and Anxiety, and would be a useful tool in the mean time while you look for a therapist or consider meds/what have you.
That is pretty tough but even so. You have an illness and they cannot hold that against you. It's okay to be scared. You're going through a really tough time right now and your brain isn't really being your friend.
Do your best to reach out to any staff member you feel comfortable talking to, or attempt to speak with your doctor about getting in touch with your schools disability department. You have a disability and it should be recognized. I also am just gonna throw this link out there Feeling Good is a CBT based book for anxiety and depression, and can help you to work on your anxiety. You can also PM me if you liked to chat, and there's some great resources on this subs hotbar/side bar.
I'm sorry it sucks so much right now, but you can get better and you will.
I have a couple things to suggest here.
The book Feeling Good is a clinically proven method of dealing with Depression and Anxiety. It would be a helpful tool in between seeing a therapist.
You should try and see a therapist/counsellor through your school, they can help you work on opening up to people to make deeper friendships.
Meds are important. So important. you should be treating mental illness like any other illness. If you had a lung infection you would take meds for it would you not? Side effects can suck but finding the right medication can be a huge win in terms of gaining a hold of control over your anxiety. I know it's hard to accept taking meds, I myself haaate taking meds because I hate being dependent on something even if there's no "addiction", but I still take my meds because I know at the end of the day I'm better off for it, and in some cases if I don't take my meds I end up in a lot of pain. In terms of anxiety, you end up dealing with a lot of unnecessary mental pain that meds can help with.
See a therapist for some cognitive behavior training. You can get some great tools that will help you throughout you life. It is so worth it. Middle school and college counselor are great resources or you can look for services provided by public or private organizations.
Great book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
The people who love you would not be happier if you were gone. They love you! They would miss you and be sad, feel guilty, get upset.
It's good that you recognize that suicide isn't the answer and are taking steps to get help. You go, girl! Definitely get a therapist, and have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's specifically helpful for interrupting repetitive thoughts like this. The main book is Feeling Good, I've friends who found it very helpful.
Good luck! Hang in there! Lots of people have this problem, there is help available. You're not alone.
If you have not read this book, you should. It was recommended to me by my therapist.
Dr. Burns shows you how to analyze your thought patterns to eliminate negative attitudes and recurring negative thoughts. He does this with no pop-psych, no jargon, no "twelve-step"s, just plain English, asking you to rate yourself in response to specific questions, and then describing how best to improve some things, and eliminate others. For instance, he says (paraphrasing) "If you walk around saying "I should do this, or I should do that...you're living a shouldy kind of life...
I felt more confident in myself and my thoughts after one chapter. YMMV. It's been in print for 20 years, so it's probably available at the library.
I have social anxiety too. I was advised to read this book. Unfortunately it was hard to read for me, mostly because english is my second language but also because I got bored with it. Anyway, there are books about it and there are people specialized in it. It seems efficient.
@ OP: Go to the library, pick up this book. I felt more in control, more sure of my decisions after finishing the first chapter.
Understand, I detest self-help books, but Dr. Burns shows how to eliminate all that negative thought, letting the real you take over. This was recommended to me by my therapist who has met the author.
@ OP: Give yourself some tools. This book has just had its twentieth anniversary. It was recommended to me by my therapist. I despise self-help books. This one is different. I felt better mentally, more sure of myself after finishing only the first chapter.
I attribute my being able to stop anti-depressants a few months after reading Dr. Burns' book to the ideas and questions I learned that enable me to see a situation as what it is, not what my (formerly) unhappy, unfocused mind is telling me it is.
I recommend a technique called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." It's designed to get you to acknowledge how your thoughts shape your emotions, and see how you often see things that are not negatives in a negative light, thus shaping yiur reality for the worst. If you want to do a bit of research, you can read this book. To find a therapist who practices CBT, do a Google search for "Cognitive behavioral therapy" and the city where you live.
As far as alternatives: if you are open to medication, then talk to your doctor about Prozac. I took it, and it had calming effects that helped me deal with issues I was having (I did a course of CBT while taking it, and encourage you to do the same). You can also look into a meditation technique called "mindfulness." Do a YouTube search on the word "mindfulness" to learn some of the techniques. You will make the best progress when you pursue therapy, medication, and meditation, since they all complement each other well.
In addition to medication and CBT, exercise, meditation, and better work habits (stress is a big factor that contributes to my depression) all help.
Early sobriety is really an emotional rollercoaster. I was swinging all over the place for several months. It took a while to settle down and realize that depression was an issue for me. When I did get treatment, I was in a place where I could work on it and really make progress.
Burns' "Feeling Good" was the best $6 I've ever spent on myself. It was suggested to me for anger issues, but helped a lot with my depression.
@ OP: Get your hands on a copy of this book. You sound like you may have a bit of the perfectionist in you. This book just celebrated its 20th successful year of helping people help themselves.
Don't take me wrong, This was recommended to me by my therapist. I despise self-help books. This one is different. I knew that when I realized I had finished the first chapter in one evening, and I felt better, more sure of my decisions than I had in months, maybe longer.
I stopped needing my anti-depressants within a year, a fact I attribute to what I learned from Dr. Burns.
It's probably at the local library.
I really identify with what you wrote, and I feel like two things that have helped me might help you and anyone else who reads this:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy By Dr. David Burns, a book that teaches you about CBT and how to apply it
meditation. Seriously, find a guided meditation app/videos like take10 and pick it up when you're feeling stressed. I'm trying to make it a daily habit because when I do it consistently I feel much better about myself. It's like the next level of taking a moment and just enjoying being alive.
This person could be an ally in your fight. You are selling yourself short. Check the library to see if this book is there. It's been in print for twenty years. Dr. Burns gives you insight into your thought process that you never had before. A feeling has to be a thought first.
I was astounded at how much better I felt after finishing just the first chapter.
@ OP: I was in a tough mental spot a few years back. My therapist recommended this book to me.
I don't like self-help books. Many are the equivalent, for one reason or another, of telling you to lift yourself by the hair. This one is different. There's no pop psychology, no jargon. Plain talk in learning new ways to look at how you process information, how you perceive yourself, and the language forms you use to think and make decisions.
I was amazed at how much better I felt, more sure of my decisions, after finishing just the first chapter.
I'll give you one that's not from Dr. Burns' work, but sounds just like his stuff: If you refer to yourself by your given name when dealing with a negative situation, you give your own psyche a break by elevating yourself to the level of "good friend", instead of that dufus you always yell at when he screws up (the self). Think about it.
I realized I had stumbled on to this form sometime around the time I stopped taking ant-depressants, probably a coincidence.
I think there is much truth to the saying "We always see other people's "highlight reels" while we constantly show ourselves our "blooper reels".
I highly recommend this book, the quintessential CBT book by David Burns, first published in 1980, but this is a 2008 reprint. Honestly even for the non-depressed it is an interesting read full of useful insights and advice.
This book helped me a lot.
your feelings are your own responsibility
Others can stimulate certain emotions, but it is your mindset that decides what emotion you should feel from it. (Ex. Someone can punch you, some people get mad, some people get sad, some people just don't care or stay calm.)
Your feelings aren't always true and rational. I used to think that "I need to study more. I'm inferior. I am lazy." But look at things objectively. You can't be just one type. You can be lazy from time to time, but you can also be diligent.
Distinguish your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings are happy, sad, calm, joyful and so on. You can't say "I feel like eating." You are hungry. "I feel like I'm going to die because I have so much to do." No, that's not a feeling. That's a thought. Distinguish them.
Like the person above said, keep a journal. Go see a therapist. It's not just for people with problems. It'll help you organize your thoughts. I'm glad you can talk to your sister.
Your friends are also your support network. Just like your sister, form many relationships that will emotionally fulfill you.
Love yourself before anything. Be okay with who you are. Love yourself for who you are. Don't let things like not getting laid get you down. You are more than "someone who doesn't get laid."
Oh, and here is a reference for the cognitive distortions:
The doctor who wrote this is the one who introduced these types of cognitive distortions, I think.
I've only read the first 3 chapters of it, took the small diagnostic quizzes and such, but they've helped a lot, really.
I only had an ebook for it, though, so maybe you can find a copy online.
Feel free to take it slow. My brain fog back then was so bad I couldn't take in more than 2 paragraphs without spacing out. There are also tests to help you remember some of the things talked about (useful, because being able to identify when your thoughts are tinted with cognitive distortions is a good way to combat them and start to improve your thinking patterns.)
I was only doing 2 pages a day when I read it, so really, if you're feeling like shit and can't think, it's okay to take it at an easy pace.
This book was recommended to me by a therapist and helped a lot. It's really good for helping prevent those irrational, dark, spiralling out of control thoughts that can happen. Medication can also help when you feel like you really, rationally shouldn't be depressed at some particular time, but something in your body just seems to be causing it.
First: So what are you going to do to change it?
Second Here's a book that was recommended to me by my therapist.
This book (the first fifty pages) changed my outlook on life, got me off anti-depressants, and gave me the tools to beat back depression. It sounds like you might benefit from reading at least the first chapter.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so it's probably available at your local library.
This book saved my life. I do recommend it.
I guarantee you can get it at your local library if you don't have the cash for it. I really, really, really urge you to read it and try the exercises in it.
Read the first forty-five (or so) pages of this book.
It was recommended to me by my therapist. I feel reading this book is the reason I was able to stop anti-depressants within a year. This was about ten years ago. The book's been out for twenty years, so it's probably available at the library.
This is important because you are talking about changing a fundamental part of your personality. I'd recommend trying a course of therapy called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (or CBT). If you want to read up on this approach and decide whether or not it is worth pursuing, David Burn's Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy is a seminal introduction.
Also if you deal with anxiety or depression, I would highly recommend this book. You'll find that polyamory is a huge learning experience about yourself. You'll find emotions you don't expect. Insecurities will be amplified if you have them. Joy will be wonderful when it comes. Sadness is more bearable because you have people to talk to and lean on.
If one medication doesn't work you try another.
If one therapist doesn't work you try another!!
You might have to try another over and over again. People usually have to try a bunch before something works well.
See if there are support groups for depression (or other relevant issue) to join.
Exercise is a good immediate relief, and if it hasn't worked try anaerobic exercise (weights/resistance). Lactic acid is tied directly to the motivation system, which is what's broken in depression.
While depression is largely biological it is usually exacerbated by circumstance (primed in nature -> triggered by nurture). If she isn't in therapy, she can at least start learning cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to quell pessimism and such. This book is A+ It sounds like she got overwhelmed. :(
Thank you for being kind and understanding and willing to help. Ultimately, however, it's up to her to do the hard work.
I encourage her to post up stuff about her life history and feelings. Talking to weirdo strangers online is still helpful :)
Got a good book for you. It was recommended to me by my therapist. If you can be honest with yourself while answering (1-5 scale) self-evaluation questions at several points in the first chapter, you might find a POV you didn't know was there.
It changed my life for the better.
There is a way out.
I was in therapy (and am again, thank goodness if you don't have someone you can trust to talk to, your brain fills up with extra stuff you don't need, but that's another story) and was recommended a book. Now I am wise enough to know that if you hire an expert, you should fucking listen to his/her expert advice, right? So I read the book. My depression lifted like early-morning fog burning off. Within a year, I was completely clear of psychotropics (anti-depressants) within a year.
I'm not at all a fan of "self-help" books, but this one is different. There's no jargon, no mumbo-faith-bullshit-jumbo. The author was so successful with this book because it works, and it starts working almost as soon as you start reading. Yes, I mean that. If you can read for comprehension, you're halfway there. Seriously
I link this so you can check out reviews. 4.5 stars from about a bazillion customers.
My experience was that I read the first chapter in one night. Fifty pages. There are self evaluations, but the questions, or rather the answers you give will tell you, if you are honest with yourself, right then and there some of the things you need to do...or sometimes stop doing -example - the evaluations will force you to realize that, for instance, you always refer to yourself, in your head, as "a loser" when you make a mistake. This, IIRC, is "Mis-characterization". You are not a "loser". You are a person who made a mistake. It's how we learn, sometimes.
As someone who lived through a bunch of mental self-abuse, I can verify how liberating, how uplifting it is when your worst critic-yourself- finally gives you a break. And then another, and another. You learn how to be a friend to yourself instead of allowing self-destructive behaviors to continue and flourish.
It's been in print for twenty years, so it's a good bet you can find it at your local library.
There is a book you might find helpful.
It is called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
It teaches people how to take of emotions with cognitive therapy.
Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that our emotions are caused by what we believe and what we think.
Many emotions that are strongly negative and overly negative for the situation are often based on irrational belief. Cognitive therapy teaches people how to identify these irrational beliefs, how to dispute them, and how to modify them to be more rational and fit with reality more. As those thoughts and beliefs adapt to be more rational the amount of negative emotions reduce.
Cognitive therapy has been proven clinically to be as effective as many medications for depression, anxiety, and other issues.
It isn't likely everything you need, just the way that brushing & flossing isn't everything you need for mental health. You still need a dentist. You should probably still seek out counseling. However, the book can teach how to take care of yourself somewhat and take the edge off of your troubles.