Get off image-focused sites, and start thinking about how you want your wedding to feel in words, alongside your partner. I strongly recommend a book recced all the time in this sub for good reason because I think it'll really help, which is A Practical Wedding by Meg Keene.
There's a fantastic guide in there for thinking through what is important to you in your wedding, which lets you create goals for your event based on how you want it to feel and not how you want it to look. Coming up with a vibe you love is so much more important than colors or centerpiece design, which no one will likely even remember.
As an example, do you want a huge party with all your friends or an intimate affair with just those closest? The first wedding is probably going to be a weekend evening (so people can drink and not have work), be indoors or invest heavily in creating a good dance floor/sound system outdoors, and have a 100+ guest list. The second might be more flexible on timing, maybe something in the late afternoon, might make more sense in an intimate atypical venue or somewhere beautiful outdoors, and have more elaborate food for a smaller ~30 person or less guest list.
If you don't have a clear aesthetic vision, that's honestly a strength. You can find a venue that you 'click' with that makes sense for your wedding goals, and then use that to inspire the rest of your choices. If you fall in love with a modern rooftop venue, a traditional hotel ballroom, or a state park lodge in the woods, those weddings will all have completely different feels. You can pick things like colors and decor to play off of what exists in the space, instead of feeling hemmed in to something you picked a priori.
I relate 100%. I got engaged in Dec 2021 and started planning in earnest in Jan and Feb 2022. I thought we could spend no more than $15K for about 75 guests and it's going to be about $22K plus tips (PLUS a $3K welcome dinner we're not paying for). I never wanted to have a wedding but my fiance talked me into it (and I'm VERY glad he did). The whole "thousands of dollars for one day??" perspective was hard to leave behind, but it's helped tremendously reframe and truly realize that this isn't "just" one day, it's the opportunity of a lifetime for you to bring your closest loved ones together to celebrate the beginning of your married life together. My fiance and I have friends and family spread out all across the country, and I truly can't imagine another opportunity to get everyone in one place.
I'd highly recommend buying and reading the book, "A Practical Wedding." It's helped me focus on what's most important about the wedding, and not get distracted by all the noise. Here's my favorite excerpt from the book:
"When all is said and done, weddings are not about money. In the depths of planning, weddings can feel like they are about nothing but cold hard cash, but that's not true. Weddings are about love, and family, and a major life transition. They're also about things like logistics and enjoying yourself. And sometimes that costs money.... The amount of money you spend on your wedding doesn't have a deeper meaning. It doesn't make you a better person. It's just a number. And as Granny will tell you, there are no pockets in a shroud. You're getting married, damn it. Life is short. Enjoy it." <3 <3 <3
2.5ish years is a bit on the longer end, but not at all wildly unreasonable. You can start thinking about guest list, venue, and vibe of the wedding now, and even start reaching out to a few tentative vendors, with the understanding that most won't book at this point since pricing will go up between now and then.
As for every other monthly planning meetings between families, that is not something I've heard of, and a pretty high level of involvement form both families. Maybe that's more common in your culture/social circles, but strikes me as a bit odd? With that much familial involvement, you'll want to make sure you and your partner are firmly on the same page with vision, budget, and guest list before those meetings happen.
As always, I strongly recommend Meg Keene's A Practical Wedding right now, because it helps so much in figuring out what matters to you and what to prioritize throughout planning.
Read or listen too A Practical Wedding
I suggest Meg Keene's Books.
Awesome! Someone else here mentioned excel, (which is also what I ended up using), but ultimately I was beyond overwhelmed planning everything for our July 2020 wedding and found this book to be a Godsend of a resource for #AllOfTheThings. There are also some printouts and free downloads on their website . Congratulations, and happy planning! ����