I also meant to say being adult CHILDREN of alcoholics - it's a very different kind of pain and screweduptenuff. The groups that are people who have a family member dealing with alcoholism do not satisfy the need of ACOA. We have different set of problems. And may I recommend these books: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
I read them back when they came out. Made a huge difference for me. Understanding why I did what I did and why? Peace. Understanding is half the cure! The rest you have to do.
Is this the book you're referring to? ACOA
I've been looking for something to read on the subject. I joined this sub a few weeks ago and have had a lot of "WTF" moments reading comments, realizing my anxiety, difficulty talking to people, especially authority figures, may actually be rooted in my upbringing.
This is a very helpful book about “ACOA’s” (adult children of alcoholics). The personality traits we develop being raised in households with an addict in residence are astonishing, it was a shocking read, particularly having children myself. It is very easy to pass on the “negatives” without being addicted.
https://www.amazon.ca/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
NTA!!!
You are an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. Your parents put themselves and their needs first for many reasons. None of which was your fault.
Please read the book Adult Children Of Alcoholics
This book made be realize why I think the way I do. My mother was also an adult child of alcoholics and she wasn't able to break the chain. This book will help YOU break the chain and it will help tech you the things your parents didn't. Like, how to actually adult.
My mother is emotionally a teenager because of her drug and alcohol abuse. It's affected me many ways. But the one thing I wanted to do was break the chain for myself and for my children.
You can do it for you. if they continue toxic behaviors and toxic patterns like they are exhibiting, it's okay to cut them out. You don't have to stay with abusive family. You can go and learn and be you. Don't ever let them make you feel less than, like they did your whole childhood.
You can stop them from having that power over you. But it comes from within. We know they are not going to change. But you can learn what you've missed out on and be a full adult. Sadly, you didn't have one in your home most of the time. It does sound like your Nan is a wonderful woman and tried her best to help when she could. Keep her close if she's one of the good ones.
I wish you a happy life, friend
I grew up in a family that had no drug/alcohol problems, but was very abusive nonetheless.
The book “Adult Children of Alcoholics” was invaluable to me in understanding the unwritten rules of my family, how those rules fucked me up and how I carried though patterns into adulthood.
Every chapter was a revelation! Here’s a link if anyone wants this life-changing book:
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127/ref=nodl_
I am a Big Book / 12 & 12 guys. I was taught to not over analyze, so I don't. No harm in reading whatever helps, but I prefer going to the prisons and mental institutions, serving and taking meetings to homeless shelters. When I came into the fellowship, the Philadelphia Five County directory was a ten page pamphlet. I am grateful for everything that is available now.
The book that I still go back to is https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
To add to this, I highly recommend Adult Children of Alcoholics. There a lot of commonalities we share I never realized were due to growing up with an alcoholic. Impatience and dislike of others making promises to us are huge ones I never knew were from the letdown of a parent constantly saying “later” and never following through.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's really heartbreaking even to read about it.
I do have a few thoughts of things you might look into, or consider.
AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely. (So many of us, including me, watching a parent struggle with alcoholism only to follow in their footsteps later.)
This last one is definitely easier said than done. This thought: the only person you can control is yourself. You can't control his actions, but you can control your reactions.
Best wishes.
I'm sorry to hear this. You've been though hell. He sounds like a real jerk.
I think you are better off without him. I can tell this nasty breakup hurt you, and it would be surprising if it didn't hurt you. But it sounds like you have dodged a bullet. You're not married to this abuser, you don't have children or share a home. You can make a relatively clean break of it.
It is a fairly common cycle for the children of alcoholics to end up dating alcoholics as adults. It's sad how often we fall into that same trap. I have a few suggestions of things you might look into.
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Al-Anon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org, /r/AlAnon (While you are technically no longer dealing with this guy, you are dealing with his dickish breakup. Plus it sounds like you've been dealing with alcoholism your entire life.)
A talk therapist or counselor. A professional listener who understands human psychology can help you deal with these things in a healthy way and avoid repeating the same patterns in the future.
I'm wishing you all the best.
You may be interested in the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like his alcoholism is killing him. Depending on the laws where you live, you may be able to have him put in a rehab for his own safety. You may be able to call an ambulance to get him medical attention.
You may find some help through AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org, /r/AlAnon
You may also be interested in the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please also be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
I'm wishing you and him all the best.
Alcoholism does run in families, and you are very wise to stay away from alcohol. I wish I'd been as smart as you when I was college age.
My state school had a sober dorm and there were several sober student groups. There is plenty to do without drinking.
You may also appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
When my father died, I was in shock for a while. The reality of it didn't sink in for a few weeks. Honestly, the time most people gave me to grieve was mostly spent numb. It takes time to deal with.
You may be interested in the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please also be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Some states allow involuntary commitment to rehab if someone is a danger to themselves or others. This may be an option for you. You may also try an intervention, taking her to a rehab immediately afterwards. I understand it is a good idea to use a counselor with some experience in an intervention, to keep it in control.
AlAnon is a good suggestion.
You may also appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please also be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You and your siblings have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
I'm very sorry you are going through this.
You might ask her not to call you when she's been drinking. "I'd rather talk to you when you're sober, Mom." This doesn't mean she can't ever drink, just call you before she starts drinking.
You might be interested in AlAnon. www.alanon.org, /r/AlAnon
You might also appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to make an alcoholic want to stop drinking. (This doesn't mean she won't ever want to stop, it just means she'll probably have to get there on her own.)
You can try to protect yourself, though.
I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction
/r/AlAnon
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz also applies to you. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Lastly, Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
First off, you are not responsible for her actions. She's an adult who chooses to continue drinking despite her alcoholism. Some suggestions:
If you mom is open to it, you might have her do the self-screening tests for alcoholism in our sidebar. They can be eye-opening, if someone is ready to change.
I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
You might appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You and your sister have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic too. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
Good luck and be well.
I'm sorry to hear this. I have a few suggestions for you:
I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
You might appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
Only you can decide if you an alcoholic. There are two screening tests in the sidebar that are fairly good if answered honestly. Either or both of them can help you clarify this.
I do think you are wise to stay clear of alcohol, however. Alcoholism does tend to run in families. It also tends to be progressive: slowly but surely getting worse. So we can drink "just like everyone else" at 22, by 27 when most people are slowing down we are ramping up, and by 32 we have a big problem. (That's how it worked for me, and for many other alcoholics I've met.)
Think of it this way: if you quit drinking, or cut back the amount drastically, it is a healthy decision. No matter what, it is good for you to drink less or not at all.
Growing up with alcoholic parents is hard, and has long-term negative effects. You might be interested in the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me. You may also be interested in AlAnon meetings, to help you deal with the chaos of your parents' addictions. I've also found individual talk therapy can be very helpful in dealing with some of this crap.
Good luck and be well.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You might appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
I'm sorry alcoholism and addiction are hurting your family. Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
You might also be interested in the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Good luck and be well.
You have already read the recommendation to look into AlAnon. They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
I'd like to add a recommendation for the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck and be well.
Hi,
You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic. It isn't certain, it isn't definite. The problem is, the way to find out you are alcoholic is to see what happens when you drink. And if you are alcoholic, you shouldn't drink. What I usually say is that if you feel at all compulsive about drink or other drugs, it's best to leave them alone entirely.
The good thing about being sober is that it is a healthy, positive choice for anyone, even if you don't have to do it.
Growing up around alcoholism can have other consequences in your life. I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
You might also look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
Good luck and be well.
Hey please be very careful around alcohol and other drugs. Alcoholism and addiction run in families. If you feel even slightly compulsive about it, best to leave it alone entirely.
I'm sorry his alcoholism is hurting you. I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
You may also enjoy the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
>I remember my dad od'ing in a jewel from the antidepressants.
What? In a jewel?
Ask him, point blank. And compare stories with your Mom, and anyone else around. Don't let him get away with blaming others. It sounds like he is drinking again. IMHO, the best thing you can do is be out in the open about it. Alcoholics love the ability to sneak around and hide our drinking, bringing it out in the open takes the wind out of our sails.
You may also be interested in:
-> Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
-> AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
-> Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely.
I'm sorry to hear this is happening. Good luck to you all.
By the way, have you read Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz? It was a real eye-opener for me. You might enjoy or appreciate it.
You may appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics. It was an eye opener for me.
Please also be aware that alcoholism and addiction tends to run in families: you probably have a higher than average risk of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful around alcohol and other drugs. If you choose to use them and feel at all compulsive about them, then it's better to stop entirely.
Good luck and be well.
I'm very sorry to hear that alcoholism and addiction has caused so much devastation in your family. I don't need to tell you that addiction runs in families, but please be very very careful around alcohol and other drugs. If you feel the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone completely.
Talking with a therapist or counselor is a very good idea, even if costs you some money, it is worth it.
I also recommend you read Adult Children of Alcoholics, it is a very useful book. It helped me understand how living in an alcoholic family has impacted my life.
I also recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
I am very glad that you found the resilience, and the courage, to survive this horrible man.
If you have not already read it, there is a book that I would like to recommend to you called <em>Adult Children of Alcoholics</em> by Janet G. Woititz.
I learned so much about my life by reading this book. I could see that I was unconsciously creating the same dysfunctional patterns in my own life. The book helped me to break that cycle.
I wish you all of the best out of life, Noble Redditor.
You can love someone and hate their actions. You don’t have to cut them off completely to gain some relief from the pain they inflict on you. It’s not that black and white. A big problem I’ve struggled with as an ACA is continued loyalty when it’s not deserved. Try to accept that their feelings are not your responsibility, and you don’t owe them loyalty (or a call, or a visit) just for being your parents. Establish and defend your boundaries (I will not talk/respond to my dad if I suspect he’s been drinking, and I don’t tell him when I visit my sister in my hometown bc I know he’ll expect a visit too). Create emotional space for yourself (wait overnight to respond, limit visiting and call time, etc) especially if communicating with them brings you more stress than joy.
And work with a therapist to process your memories and feelings in a healthy way. Mine told me my feelings of guilt and obligation are super common in ACA. I’m working on detaching from my dad’s alcoholism and learning how to put myself first in my own life/mind, realizing I can’t make him change if he doesn’t want to. This book was insanely helpful for me to understand alcoholism and what we share as ACA’s, and to grasp what to do about it. You’re in the right place, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to solve it overnight. Take your time to figure out what’s best for you.
Check out this book:
​
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
I grew up with alcoholic parents. This book helped me:
Adult Children of Alcoholics
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
This book explains the effects alcoholic parents have on their children.
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
This book::
Adult Children of Alcoholics
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
Helped me understand how growing up with alcoholics affected me.
Item | Current | Lowest | Reviews |
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Adult Children of Alcoholics | - | - | 4.5/5.0 |
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Cutting your children off because they have a relationship with someone you chose to have children with isn't normal. It's not natural, and it lends to having some mental illness and/or toxicity that supercedes the maternal bond. Demanding absolute loyalty, putting your feelings above everyone else, and refusing to see where you're the problem is indicative of a cluster b personality or the fleas from them. It also doesn't matter if mom has or will ever have a diagnosis of any of it, all that matters is OP may find out more information, realize it extends much farther than her mom walking away after the wedding, and hopefully finds some awareness, support, and healing. Where would you suggest a person go when they're broken-hearted because their parents threw them away? As children, even adult children, we suffer from having toxic parents and being discarded in numerous ways.
OP, ACA program & meetings have helped me so much. The only requirement to join is to have been raised by dysfunctional and/or addicted parent(s). There is even a small book you can purchase on Amazon that describes how it effects us and why. Adult Children It's a program of learning, healing, and empowerment.
This program, namely the support and hearing others share, has helped me more than therapy ever has. There are some great meetings at ITR that don't require you to engage or turn on your cam, you can just listen to others share their stories, wisdom, and hope.
Therapy is the solution.
You can start out small with these:
These books can lead you to others that can change your life. It may be good to recommend other members to read some of them as well.
Read this book. It will change your whole life outlook: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127
It's probably at the library for free or ebay for $1 as a paperback.
I'm sorry to hear all this. Except the part about you being sober - that's great news! High five!
You have a right to ask that someone caring for your children not be drunk. You'd expect it of a day care center, a teacher, or any babysitter you hired. It's reasonable to ask your mother not to get drunk while caring for your children. It sounds like you've asked her several times and she's lied about it, so it's pretty reasonable to stop using her as a babysitter.
I would tell her just what you've said here: you can't trust her, she's lied, and it puts your kids in danger. Just as straight and plain as that. If possible, it would be good to tell her this when she hasn't had anything to drink that day. But it isn't your responsibility to protect her feelings, it's your responsibility to protect her kids. If she reacts badly, that's her problem. (I know, with family, it's never as simple as that. But you are doing the right thing for your kids, and you are being straightforward with her.)
A few things you might look into:
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
The book Toxic Parents. I'm reading this one now. It's tough to get through, because it is all too real for me. But it's got some useful information.
/r/raisedbynarcissists. While she may not necessarily be as insane as some of the parents discussed on that sub, there is a lot of useful information about handling situations and not falling into someone's manipulation.
I'm wishing you all the best. And again, congratulations on your sober time!
Wow, I'm sorry to read this. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
In my opinion, both of his parents are alcoholics, that is very clear to me. It also sounds like his mother may have narcissistic personality disorder. At the very least, they are toxic parents. He is at an age when they should be encouraging his independence and self-reliance, but staying well away from alcohol and other drugs. Instead, they are controlling him getting him drunk.
You and he may be interested in these two books:
He may also be interested in the /r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit.
He has a hard road ahead of him. One of the worst things about having parents like this is coming to grips with their poor behavior. Unfortunately, for now he probably just needs to hunker down and wait to finish highschool. He should be aware that often parents like this try to control their childrens' secondary education as a way to keep them dependent. I don't know if he plans on college or something else, but it may be a good idea for him to work with a school counselor on a plan for his future.
I'm wishing him, and you, good luck.
I know you're looking for a community, but just in case you haven't read this, it's really good. Adult Children of Alcoholics.
I'm really sorry to hear that her alcoholism and immaturity are hurting you and your siblings. It sucks that you have to be a parent to them and somehow manage her, when you're at a point in life when you should be just starting your life.
I have a few suggestions:
First off, I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
Second, I recommend the book Adult Children of Alcoholics. It provides some excellent insights into the ways growing up in an alcoholic home can affect you.
Third, Please PLEASE be very careful around alcohol and other drugs. Alcoholism tends to run in families, you don't want to end up like her. If you feel at all compulsive about drink or other drugs, it's best to stay away from them entitely.
Fourth, it is admirable that you are so concerned for your siblings. I think it would be wise to figure out a life for yourself. You can't do anything for them long term if you are stuck in the house all the time. If you can get reliable work you can start taking care of them better. It may be worth looking into their fathers' locations, they may not know how bad their childrens' situations have become. Maybe they can provide some help. Maybe you can get some assistance from the state, maybe there's a way to take over custody of them. Maybe you can work out an arrangement with your sister once she graduates. Maybe she can look out for them and you can get out - join the army or something. I'm honestly just throwing ideas out here, but I think building a life for yourself is going to be crucial. Also, from the abuse you describe, maybe your siblings being placed elsewhere wouldn't be a bad thing.
Again, I'm sorry to hear all this. Good luck and be well.
I highly recommend you and your sisters check out AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
I also recommend the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It gives excellent insights into the disfunction that happens when you're raised by alcoholics.
Please also be very careful around alcohol and other drugs - alcoholism and addiction tend to run in families. If you feel at all compulsive about it, best to stay away from intoxicants completely.
On discussing it with your mother, I have a few suggestions.
I am sorry alcoholism is killing your mother and hurting your family. Good luck to all of you.
You are displaying behaviours typical of children of alcoholics. Don't worry. There is help. Try to find an Al-Teen or Al-anon group near you http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen. Although you may be worried about attending, you will feel different when you realise your situation is not unique. You do not have to suffer alone.
A really good book that might help you understand your situation is http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz/dp/1558741127.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
Here's a book I'm working through, which you might also find beneficial.
I recommend that you look into AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction.
/r/AlAnon
I also highly recommend the book Adult Children of Alcoholics. It's an eye-opener.
Hi, I see that no one has responded to you. There aren't many (or any) medical professionals on this board, so I'm guessing no one has a clue where to find the information you're looking for. (I know I don't.)
I am sorry to hear that alcoholism is damaging your Mom's health and your relationship with her. There is a very good book about growing up with an alcoholic parent that may interest you: Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz. You may also find AlAnon helpful, it is a support group for family & loved ones of alcoholics.
/r/AlAnon
Lastly, please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs yourself. Alcoholism tends to run in families. Many of us who watched parents suffer from this went on to do the same stupid things ourselves.
Good luck, I hope you find the information you are seeking.