What is Reddit's opinion of
Albanese Confecetionery Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5 Pound Bag?
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
41 reviews of this product found across Reddit:
My suggestion would be to set up a security camera first.
EDIT: Also, if you want to set up a sacrificial package for the thieves to steal I suggest getting sugar-free gummy bears.
That's considered intentional poisoning. It's a bad idea.
Get a big bag of sugar free gummy bears instead. Fail to hide them. It's common knowledge they act as a super laxative, but I doubt he'd be able to resist them.
This bag, for instance, has these gems under it:
> Question: Should i try them?
Answer: It depends. Do you like painful and explosive diarrhea? If yes then this is the snack for you.
By William Scott on January 26, 2015
> Question: What exactly is a serving size?
Answer: Serving Size is 17 pieces (40g) However, I recommend you first sniff the open bag at a 100 yards safe distance. If your gut doesn't start gurgling and flip flopping you might be safe enough to actually get close enough to remove a gummy bear from the bag making sure to use a face mask, tongs and rubber gloves. If the removal of said bear is successful without any fluid drainage from your lower orifice you might possibly consider licking an ear but please make sure all your final business is in order ie... last will and testament, DNR instructions, burial wishes etc... Seriously Andrew, why test fate?
By Kindle Customer on January 31, 2014
And for more comedy gold, read the reviews.
Truly an excellent example of modern rhetoric and prose. The writers of tomorrow aren't training in colleges and writing schools- no, they're busy writing Amazon reviews about sugar free gummy bears.
We're still working on whether artificial sweeteners cause a spike in insulin in humans. At the moment, there isn't solid science to back it up and a lot of it is speculation and anecdotal stories. We've only got tests on flies and mice. Along with that, very little of the sweeteners reach the pancreas and there is no glucose involved with this situation at all.
They do make you poop though. Enjoy if you have yet to partake!
Here is the Link to the Product Listing if anyone is interested in reading the reviews. They are absolutely hilarious!
Albanese Candy, Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag
My next order would be this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DE4GWWY
I know it would be $20'ish wasted, but my hope would be after a day of stealing boxes, they open this puppy up and have themselves a nice big handful and relax for a bit.
EDIT: If you haven't heard of these little delish bears, check out some of the rave reviews!
Sugar-free gummy bears. Read the Amazon reviews. Seriously, it's not something you'd want to do if you weren't constipated. It probably will work for you.
Have you never heard of the huge bag of sugar-free gummy bears? I guess amazon doesn't sell Haribo brand in 5-pound bags anymore, but some of the reviews on the Albanese brand are funny. https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Assorted-Sugar-Free-Flavor/dp/B00DE4GWWY/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1535324360&sr=8-3&keywords=sugar+free+gummy+bears+haribo+5+pound+bag
It could have been worse... the fish could have still been alive. And the dessert could have used that sugar substitute that’s in those infamous gummy bear reviews.
There’s a type of sweetener used in candy that does this. I know it’s sold on amazon. Because the reviews are hilarious. Might wanna try diarrhea candy in google... also might wanna private search that, come to think of it
Edit: found it, and the reviews do not disappoint!
Ya'll should read the reviews on 5lb bag of sugar free gummi bears sometime. Hilarious, horrendous. Anything with Lycasin (aka malitol syrup) as the sweetener will wreak havoc on your guts. I had tears running I was laughing so hard at these reviews:
Start with 3 a day, then slowly add 1 more a day until you figure out how they effect you. If you eat more than 20 you're pretty much guaranteed a half day of explosive and painful diarrhea.
They're great for work parties!
Well, it looks like someone at Haribo or Amazon may have done some damage control. If you follow all of the links from various articles to the iconic 'Haribo sugarfree gummy bears' it now links you to 'Albanese Candy, Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag'
You have not known true pain my sweet summer child, educate yourself, read the reviews, don't try them though, don't make the mistake of thinking it is all just a joke, live in blissful ignorance of what a truely tattered asshole feels like https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
if you like those reviews, I present to you sugar free Gummy Bears.
Not a super weird item but the top reviews for it are a great read lol
5 pounds of Sugar free gummy bears
Thanks for the contest! Wishlist
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00DE4GWWY
The top comments are fucking gold :
I ate 6 of these things to aid along in digestion. I figured it was a tastier way to rid myself of a weeks worth of backup. I might as well have swallowed a nuclear bomb and topped it off with an enema. The good news is my digestive system is back on track. The bad news is I will never eat another gummy bear and may have flushed part of my soul down the toilet. God speed my friends...
It all started at 6 in the morning. The night before one of my hunting buddies had bought these without noticing that they wjere sigar free. He's one of those guys always reading about the effects of food and dieting and stuff, and refused to eat them claiming they would male you gain wait. So he gave them to me. I was out in the deer woods far from any toilet, or toilet paper. If I could go back in time I would have ran my friend over on tje way, or made sure my parents had never met, because after just 5 or so of these hell bent demon possesd spawn of satan bears, I knew I should have read the comments before taking these off my friends hands. It all started with A low rumble, like distant thunder, or the mating call of a rhinasurous. I was sure it would scare away any deer with in a 5 mile radius. But it didn't stop at that. My intestines began to move inside of me like snakes after eating cherry bombs. My soul itself seemed to be working its way through my bowls. By then I knew I had to get out of that tree stand, but by then I knew it was too late. I made a break for it just as the sun began to rise. I ran like a mad man in a way that I can only describe as a pregnant, ostrich sasqatch women. I had only made it a few yards when Lucifer himself shot out of me like a potatoe tied to a ceiling fan. I crumbled to the ground as I tried to rip off my extremely expensive no-scent camouflage hunting pants, but it was too late. I stayed in that spot for what felt like hours. My life flashed before my eyes, and I relived the time I caught my first bass. I prayed to God to kick a satellite from the sky to crush me, but my cries for mercy where coverd by the explosions of Satan still coming from my body. The stuff coming out of me would have caught fire if you'd struck a match any where near it. As I sat with my tormented thoughts, I saw the biggest buck I have ever seen in my life (about a 12 or 14 point) walk slowly past my tree stand. A FLIPPEN PURFECT SHOT. I sat in a puddle of mt own defeat tryimg not to suffacate on the fumes coming from the tainted turds. After what seemed like an eternity I managed to waddle back to my brand new truck, where I had no other clothes, or anything to clean myself with. The smell of my truck and the butt stains left on my once purfect seats will forever torment my dreams. I have gone through an eternity of air fresheners and nothing has worked. When ever someone has to drive with me and they ask what happened to my truck, I tell them a really long story about how I deliverd a calf in the middle of the night.
Well, I read the reviews...challenge accepted!
Final score - death bears 7...me 0.
You know how amazon gives you things that people also bought with your item...they should include some cottonelle wipes as a mandatory item with this.
My pre-colonoscopy meds were not as effective as the 40 bears I ate.
Why 40 you say? Well, I ate 5 and nothing...10 Nothing. Kept on going. Got a little cocky and ate 10 straight. Now, I’m thinking I’ve won! 10 more...sure, and 10 more.
It was at this point that i actually read he packaging. It actually says may have a laxative effect.
And here comes the night of a thousand waterfalls.
Don’t do the challenge. I thought they were all making stuff up.
These things are delicious, but they make my ass sound like Chewbacca.
You do realize that these 'sugar free' bears have the exact same calories as the regular Haribo gummy bears!
I foolishly ignored the warnings and purchased a 5 lb bag of these potent evil apparitions posing as delectably tasty goodies.
The laxative effect of these ‘sugar free gummy candies’ is nuclear. I first noticed rumblings as my intestines began a protest that escalated to world shaking levels. The gurgling and surging was grotesque. They continued to increase in both intensity and duration until the volume alerted all in the house of my impending explosion. Sphincter tightly clenched I urgently made the most awkward hurried hobbling walk to the bathroom. I arrived just barely in time as the propulsion became a cataract which physically lifted me forcefully off the seat of the commode. Without being able to grasp and maintain butt to commode seat integrity I shudder to wonder the scope of destruction of the resulting explosiveness.
The stench quickly overcame the exhaust fan, passive air freshener, aerosol spray, and tightly closed door. It was beyond awful. In an effort to save others in the house from a fate worse than death, I even risked waddling to the door between liquid explosions to stuff a dampened towel to futilely seal the gap.
Several spiders which had made their home unnoticed in the exhaust fan housing dropped down stone cold dead. Doors slammed as my wife and children instantly became refugees instantly grabbing hats and coats and fled seeking breathable air elsewhere. I was abandoned and left alone to suffer my fate. The peculiar and noxious smell is putrid and penetrating. It is worse than burnt hair.
These disgusting ‘alleged candies’ are actually mislabeled ‘prescription only colonoscopy evacuation materials’ only one of which is necessary to thoroughly empty any colon prior to scoping. I wouldn't wish these on my worst enemy. Seriously if you are scheduled for a colonoscopy, drop me a line and I will send you 20 of these nuclear option bowel evacuation 100% guaranteed to cleanse your bowels and make you wish for an end to life. Save you money no prescription needed.
The gummy bears on amazon
Albanese Candy, Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DE4GWWY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_GCafEbNBFQA1C
Read the reviews and questions for a great laugh.
Da kann ich auch diese Gummibärchen empfehlen. Die Rezensionen sind legendär.
Meh... I will give you an upvote if you down an entire package of Sugar Free Gummy Bears.
https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
Read the comments.
You're welcome
Read the reviews: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DE4GWWY/
Not actually stories, but the sugar free gummi bears' reviews on Amazon are a great way of wasting your time.
https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
You might want to try amazon. Here's a link:
https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
Could have just got Albanese sugar free gummi bears. https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
Or... the Hutzler Banana Slicer. It looks like some of the really funny reviews have been removed from the product page.
https://www.businessinsider.com/banana-slicer-funny-amazon-reviews-2016-6
> Since 2011, Amazon reviewers have been leaving hilarious and sarcastic comments on this unnecessary Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. Five years later and the running joke is still going strong.
> For whatever reason, people really love to hate on this $4 banana-shaped product — at the time of this post, it has nearly 5,600 Amazon reviews, the majority of which are comical or sarcastic.
> There are even short stories and some poems written in the reviews. Here are some of the best.
> "No more winning for you, Mr. Banana!" by SW3K:
> "For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. 'Use a knife!' they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. 'Shoot it with a gun!' Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theater and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.
> "Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon."
Probably the more entertaining reviews are with the “Albanese Candy, Sugar Free Assorted Fruit Gummi Bears, 5-pound Bag”
https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
Did you know the active ingredient in Adderall can also be found in sugar-free gummy bears? You will need a large quantity, but it can be done. Hear me out...
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Step 1: buy a 5lb bag of sugar-free gummy bears from Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Assorted-Sugar-Free-Flavor/dp/B00DE4GWWY/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=sugar+free+gummy+bears&qid=1558646508&s=gateway&sr=8-3
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Step 2: split the bag into 4oz portions, about 40 gummy bears each. That's 20 portions.
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Step 3: place each portion in a zip-loc bag and carry it with you.
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Step 4: every hour, on the hour, open one of the ziplocs and swallow the gummy bears whole. DO NOT CHEW!!! Water will help you, but carbonated water like LaCroix will speed up the reaction. Get yourself a few cans of LaCroix. flavor doesn't matter.
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Step 5: you will burp! you need to stay active. walk around in circles, jump a few times to let it out. whatever you can do will help.
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As long as there is always a good amount of gummy bears in your system, you will stay alert and focused. I've done this for many years in college and it has helped me a lot.
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Best of luck to you, my friend!
Sugar free gummy bears are not a joke, they're a chemical weapon in the right hands
> Hypoglycemic
Not a problem https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY
Thanks to you, I've decided to order some gummy bears off of amazon. (https://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Candy-Sugar-Assorted-5-pound/dp/B00DE4GWWY) I'll tell you how they taste!
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