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All About Love: New Visions?
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All About Love by bell hooks
I never looked at love and everything with it through these perspectives, and it totally changed my viewpoint and how I handle all of my relationships.
Some quotes:
“Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love…When we understand love as the will to nurture our own and another’s spiritual growth, it becomes clear that we cannot claim to love if we are hurtful and abusive. Love and abuse cannot coexist.”
“There can be no love without justice…abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love. It is a testimony to the failure of loving practice that abuse is happening in the first place.”
“All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm’s way.”
“The wounded child inside many males is a boy who, when he first spoke his truths, was silenced by paternal sadism, by a patriarchal world that did not want him to claim his true feelings. The wounded child inside many females is a girl who was taught from early childhood that she must become something other than herself, deny her true feelings, in order to attract and please others.”
For me, it’s the whole relationship dynamic. Both Marin and Gojo add values to each other’s lives. To me they embody the definition of love I strongly believe in — from Bell Hooks All About Love “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of one’s own or another’s spiritual growth” which involves care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and open and honest communication.
As mentioned many times in this sub, Marin helps Gojo grow spiritually as he comes to learn that there is no “unlikeable interest” and even if people frown upon it, to not let it get to you. Gojo slowly learns to accept and open up about it. Marin also grows, she has many new opportunities thanks to Gojo helping out of his own will. Marin also credits Gojo regularly for being the person that made her dream a reality instead of sidelining him.
And it resonates to me on a personal level because I have social anxiety so seeing Gojo’s journey and how having the right person in your life can help you cope and open up more really parallels mine where a friend helped me be more okay with talking about myself when I once felt that no one would be interested in me
Hey Amber! I'm 26 too and have been happily single for almost 3 years. It took me a while to get to that point, and it took a full year of me being "intentionally single" (no dating, no pursuing anyone etc)to be comfortable with where I am!
I've tried my best to focus on spending time with my friends and family and doing exciting things with them. Seeing live music, going to nature spots/beaches, making food together, going out for drinks and dancing, planning activities, getting involved in the community, etc. I've spent extra care and time getting to know how wonderful non-romantic love can be, and this is extremely fulfilling! By enhancing my platonic relationships and making them closer, I feel less time and energy is spent on trying to attract romantic or sexual attention. I feel more loved than I did when I had a romantic partner.
Going to a therapist really helped me too, if that's something you have access to I would recommend it to anyone. Having an objective voice who can help you build your confidence is invaluable!
Working on growing and exploring your passions is also paramount to being intentionally or happily single. I read a lot, listen to tons of podcast and radio, love to travel, cook, try new foods, I got into doing aquafit and water aerobics, cannabis, and I spend a lot of time researching subjects that fascinate me and learning as much as I can about them. Keeping your mind busy and fully entrenched in things you care about, combined with trying new things, is how to kick-start your self growth.
Here are a couple of books that came to mind that have helped me open my mind about love, relationships and singleness and whatnot:
good luck and enjoy :)
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