What is Reddit's opinion of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Before you have kids with this man read this book. Ideally, have him read it as well. The time to get on the same page about these issues is NOW. Many marriages are destroyed by women's resentment and anger when their husbands consistently refuse to pull their weight with the children.

Edit: to be clear I'm not blaming the women for this!

This book, All the rage, mothers, fathers and the myth of equal partnership, is an excellent read for those who are navigating these issues in their relationships.

It took twenty years but even with my hubby doing many of the tasks about the place, his unwillingness to take on parts of the mental load or really any of the jobs outside his comfort area (particularly cooking) was incredibly damaging to our relationship over time.

Asking for equity should not be a big deal.

https://www.amazon.com.au/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441

Please read this: https://www.amazon.com/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441/ref=nodl_

This is an extremely common, societal problem. It’s not just women not communicating effectively. If you only want the highlights of motherhood, Instagram might be better.

Check out this book!! It helped me understand what I was feeling and how to articulate it to my partner. Sucks that we have to be the ones to explain it (also mental load)...but this might help!

https://www.amazon.ca/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441

Edit: I realize this comes across as advice...and you’re not asking for advice...but the book is too good not to share!! I hear ya, mama.

>There have been studies galore about how men generally don’t keep up their end of housework and childcare at home, even when both partners work full time.

Forgive me, but this is a topic I feel pretty passionate about, and I like to post these links whenever this topic comes up because they do a good job describing the issue. I feel like we'll never stop this phenomenon if we don't talk about it:

• She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink
  
• You Should Have Asked (scroll down a bit to see the comic)
  
• The Men Who Still Want Housewives: Men who claim to believe in equality often aren’t willing to live it
• Millennial—And Macho? Why Young Men Want Old-School Marriages
  
• The Myth of the Male Bumbler
• A book called All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman. You can read an interview with Lockman here and read an op-ed she wrote for the NYT here.

If you want to do some thinking in the company of others, I have a couple of book recommendations you might like.

Proof that you are far, far from alone:

All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership

And a book I’ve not yet read but I’ve heard good things about:

Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do

I wish you good health, peace, and — ultimately — the feeling of being a prized team member in a united team of two adults working together to raise an amazing girl.

Please read this book before you consent to have children with this man.

> he said that me getting approved for the surgery made the whole thing "so much real" and made him reevaluate his feelings about parenthood.

And THAT is why I say that if you're a CF person with a partner who's on the fence or claims to be CF, go ahead and make the consultation appointment about sterilization. Because it will force your partner to confront the fact that you're serious about not having kids.

As long as you're able to get pregnant or get your partner pregnant, in the back of your partner's mind having children will always be an option. Once you take action to remove that option, your partner will then have no choice but to face his or her own feelings about not being able to have kids with you.

These steps shouldn't be necessary. Unfortunately, it's deeply ingrained in a lot of people that having kids is something that everyone eventually does--even people who claim they don't want to be parents. Making plans to get sterilized is a wake-up call for the folks who feel this way.

> I just don't know what to do. Or I guess I do but I don't want to admit it. What if he goes back to being childfree in the future? What if I'm throwing away a great thing because of "what if"? > > I'm sorry this is all over the place. This has been my biggest fear since we started dating and now it has come true. Any advice and words of wisdom are really, really appreciated. Thank you!

You two could explore couple's counseling. A good counselor can help you two communicate better, and also help your BF truly inspect his desire to have kids.

You also might consider what your BF thinks being a father looks like, versus the reality of it. Some men who say they want kids are truly only interested in the "Kodak Dad" version of being a father. Meanwhile, all the crap-work of parenting and housekeeping is dropped onto the mother:

• A book called All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman. The book gets into this matter in excruciating depth. You can read an interview with Lockman here and read an op-ed she wrote for the NYT here.
• You Should Have Asked (scroll down a bit to see the comic)
• The Men Who Still Want Housewives: Men who claim to believe in equality often aren’t willing to live it
• Millennial—And Macho? Why Young Men Want Old-School Marriages
• The Myth of the Male Bumbler
• Some men feel the need to compensate for relative loss of income to women. How they do so varies. "As women get closer to equal footing outside of the home, men may be compensating by stressing the importance of traditional women’s roles in the home. In essence, saying that women should be the primary caregivers in the household may be a powerful way for young men to assert their masculinity and for women to assert their support of traditional gender roles in a world in which the dominant economic role of men is no longer a given."

ALL. OF. THIS.

And remember, ladies: if you do have a kid with your male partner, the chances are VERY high that he will leave ALL of the housekeeping and childcare drudgework to you.

Forgive me, but this is a topic I feel pretty passionate about, and I like to post these links because they do a good job describing the issue:

• She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink
• You Should Have Asked (scroll down a bit to see the comic)
  
• The Men Who Still Want Housewives: Men who claim to believe in equality often aren’t willing to live it
• Millennial—And Macho? Why Young Men Want Old-School Marriages
• The Myth of the Male Bumbler
• A book called All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman. The book gets into this matter in excruciating depth. You can read an interview with Lockman here and read an op-ed she wrote for the NYT here.

When mothers talk about how hard parenting is, the above are significant reasons why it's so. The crap-work of parenting is dumped on the women.

YTA (probably) You should read this book and see if it enlightens your position. I"m not saying this is you, but men typically over estimate their contribution of household labor and also don't recognize the invisible labor that women do, such as keeping track of doctor's appointments, school schedules and projects, and by overwhelming majority responsible for making the holidays "magical." Those are just a few examples of their invisible labor. So maybe you do contribute, but the fact she is telling you that you don't understand the real work that a wife and mother does around the house should give you pause. Support your wife, hire someone to do a lot of the work she is burdened with, you don't have to let them live in your house, but you should probably act on this in some way and get your wife some considerable help.

https://www.amazon.com/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ABTK9O6IDB9Z&keywords=all+the+rage&qid=1559778610&s=books&sprefix=all+the+rage%2Caps%2C160&sr=1-1