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It's just silly. I was self-medicating for 15-20 years. Mostly booze but some weed in phases. It was an awful period of my life. I'll take sobriety and Lamictal any day.
The day I started Lamictal, I read this and have never looked back. Sounds corny but it works. There's probably a weed version too. https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504
Check out this book, maybe it will help: https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504
I've been trying to moderate/quit for years... never got much further than a few weeks. I read this book and it was like a light switch for me, I'm on day 30 with no booze and have absolutely zero plans to start ever again. I have zero cravings, I'm just happy to be sober. I hope it helps!
May I suggest a book that may help you? The Easyway to Control Alcohol by a guy named Allen Carr helped me tremendously. It wasn't until I got to the final chapter that I had an a-ha moment & get his whole point. Was well worth the read. The concept of his books is to continue doing your drug of choice (he also has a quit smoking book that has helped me as well) until you reach the end, when you just won't want to continue any longer. It's worth a shot.
I completely understand. In my long DB marriage I also developed similar symptoms.
First to go was alcohol which I did with this book. Replaced overeating with walking and other forms of exercise. Picked out an educational goal and started pursuing the hell out of that goal, which helped with the depression, anxiety and other symptoms. Started dressing better.
I know how it feels like sex might be your most pressing problem right now, but trust me it's not. Getting yourself together is far more important and it's a great example for the babies. (Little pitchers have big ears and they have big eyes too). Also, your wife will notice and if this marriage means anything to her she will step up her game. If not, you'll be ready and prepared for a new stage in your life.
I read his Easy Way to Control Alcohol (I saw it in the sidebar here and figured I'd give it a shot) and it was very helpful for me. I don't know about the one you mentioned but I imagine they're similar.
You might feel defeated, but that doesn't make you actually defeated. Feelings pass.
I know you can make it through today without a drink. So step one is to do that.
Have a talk with your boyfriend about your struggles. Ultimatums aren't helpful in my opinion, so hopefully he can be a resource. I know my SO was very helpful when I quit. I just had to be honest, which was hard for me.
Finally, figure out why you haven't been able stop. (Notice I didn't say can't stop. Words matter.) What trips you up when you try to quit? What helps you avoid drinking? It's different for everyone and answering this question is the most important thing you can do.
In fact, you're in a good position because you've tried it before! You have an idea of what works and what doesn't!
For me, the Allen Carr book in the sidebar was very helpful.
The big thing was was changing my motivation. It wasn't just a matter of getting sober because drinking was bad for me. I was depressed and hated myself so that motivation wasn't working.
What did work was about making it a life change, about becoming who I want to be. I want to be a musician, a good person, a thousand other things - and booze was not helping with any of them. I'm not there yet, but I can honestly say I am going in that direction and that is all the motivation I need to continue.
Best of luck, and do keep checking in here!
If you can, you might want to consider calling in sick. Either way, take a shower and change your clothes. No use sitting around feeling shitty and gross.
Now you need to get sober. This is a great community to support you but you have to do it yourself. You may want to consider finding a local AA or SMART meeting. I love the Allen Carr book in the sidebar. (You can buy a Kindle version for the less than the cost of a six pack and be reading it in your browser in two minutes.)
It will partly depend on what works for you. What do you think you need to do to stay sober?
Finally, whatever you do, don't drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow - just do not drink today.
Best of luck, and do keep posting here!
Welcome to r/stopdrinking! You'll find this place is full of people whose lives were made much better by quitting drinking.
There are a ton of downsides to continuing drinking (it's expensive, it's bad for your body, it's bad for your brain) and no real upside that I can see.
That said, it can be hard to quit at first. The Allen Carr book in the sidebar helped me a lot. (You can buy a Kindle edition and be reading in your browser in less than two minutes for less than the cost of a six-pack.)
Hope to see you around here more - and good luck!
I'm a big fan of the Allen Carr book in the sidebar. You can buy a Kinde edition of it for less than the cost of a pint of whiskey and be reading it in two minutes. That's book really made it all click for me.
And keep checking back here! You'll find a wonderful, supportive group of people whenever you do.
Try to figure out what you've done in the past that hasn't worked so you can hopefully avoid making the same mistakes. I've never been myself but a lot of people on this sub have had success with AA - you definitely might want to check out a meeting.
Commit to not drinking today. Don't worry about tomorrow until you get there. Just don't drink today.
The Allen Carr book in the sidebar helped me out a lot when I first quit. You can buy a Kindle version and be reading it in your browser in two minutes for less than the cost of a pint of whiskey.
So I personally quit without AA, but it has worked wonders for many people in this sub. Some of the meetings are less religious than others so it might be worth revisiting AA for you. Look around and see if there are other meetings in your area. There's also SMART recovery which you could look into.
The Allen Carr book in the side bar helped me a lot, as did this sub. I also have a very supportive girlfriend. I think part of the reason I was able to do it without AA is because of those two sources of support.
Doing it strictly alone isn't necessarily impossible but it will be much harder. We are social animals after all. There's a link to chat on the side and you can check in here as much as you like. Feel free to PM me too.
I read this one by him and it helped me immeasurably. It's funny, it's not particularly well written, but this book made more sense than almost anything I'd come across so far about drinking.
He really helped me see what alcohol fundamentally is: an addictive poison. I imagine any book he has written will be fine to start with! =)
I started by first failing dozens of times because I hadn't done the prep work. At some point I figured out I needed to do some work to make it work. For me, that was reading through all the materials at smartrecovery.org and participating in the forums in online chats there, doing the exercises (using the tools) at smartrecovery.org and generally following that program.
I did all of that and after 6 months decided I had everything under control and started drinking again, at first very slowly - just a sip here and there, then a drink here and there. Fast forward several months and I'm downing a huge glass of whiskey every night and getting bombed at work most Fridays (we have free beer at the office). So I started over.
The second time I did the smartrecovery.org thing again, but also found and started using this forum a lot, which I like much better. I read the book linked in the sidebar here and, most importantly, committing to keep participating here long after I felt like I was "all set"... Still doing that and it's still working even though I feel pretty "safe" in my sobriety at this point. I'm not taking anything for granted.
I'm finally at a place where I don't feel like I'm giving anything up by not drinking. Booze added nothing to my life, while sobriety has added so much. I feel like that shift in thinking has meant everything, and all the work I've put in, the experience of being sober and the reading I've done here has made that possible.
You are taking a first step by owning up to your problem. There is more honesty ahead. You are not abusing alcohol, alcohol is abusing you. Buy this book and read it. No God stuff. http://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504
One thing that the experts have discovered after much research done on sex addiction and addiction in general is that all addicts believe that they are basically bad people who are not worthy of love.
>THE REASON I ULTIMATELY JACK OFF IS BECAUSE I AM MOTHERFUCKING LONELY IN MY LIFE
And I think you feel so lonely because you believe deep down that you deserve to be alone and miserable because you are a bad person. I DON'T think this is true. From your post, it sounds like you are a troubled individual who is struggling with a few major addictions in your life right now. Mainly alcohol, gaming, and porn addiction. All three of these things are addictions that I have also struggled with throughout my life.
Give this book a try:
It honestly changed my life.
Give therapy a try. I have been seeing a sex addiction therapist for approximately the past 3 months. It has truly opened my eyes to things in my past that I never realized were affecting me so intensely. I have begun to forgive myself and start reversing that negative and self-hating way of thinking. My only regret is that I wish I had started this process sooner.
I was drinking to the point of blacking out about twice a week. For me that was around 12-20 drinks. I had zero preference (which goes to show that most people don't drink for the taste, they drink to numb themselves). Wine, beer, liquor, anything really. During the week I would have 4-8 beers most nights. Some nights only 2. But I didn't have control. I HAD to get at least a couple beers every night. Or else I thought I couldn't sleep. When I went out on weekends I would try to limit myself to 4-6 drinks. That almost never worked. When I stayed in and played video games (I played a lot of ps3 back when I was drinking) I would try to just have 2 or 3.. 3 always turned into 6 which turned into 8 and then usually 10.
I do not doubt that severe alcoholics suffer real physical withdrawal in the form or sweating, jittering, and more severe things too. I think the same happens for heroin and opiate addicts going through withdrawal.
But I think that we emphasize the minor side effects wayyyy too much. If I barely suffered anything I think that most people could have a similar recovery with zero to few withdrawals. It definitely stems from framing your recovery it a different way.
Allen Carr does a great job of detailing all of the above in his books:
Anyone interested in getting their drinking under control I would urge you to give this book a shot.
Sorry, thought I had stumbled into /r/stopdrinking somehow. They have a link in the sidebar to this book which many people claim helps cure them of alcoholism.
Also I don't think there's any medical evidence proving "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.".
Before you do anything drastic, please read this book in its entirety. There's an audio version as well if you prefer that.
I read it a few years ago when I found myself drinking literally every day and knew I had a problem. After finishing the book I quit stone cold for over a year with no problems.
Today I drink rarely and have very little interest in it because of this book.
This book comes highly recommended.
It worked for me. I read this book at rock bottom and haven’t wanted to drink ever again since I finished the first chapter
https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol/dp/0572028504 this and quit the drink...easily by Jason Vale is what worked for me.
I thought I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism for depression, etc. But it turns out it only ever exacerbated things. As it turns out, regularly ingesting an addictive diluted poison is terrible for your mental health.
There's nothing to be scared of in quitting. I understand, and I was scared too, but there's nothing scary about it. In fact, life becomes less frightening over all because you're not hiding from the world in a bottle.
There's a user here named coolcrosby who has a great post for someone just starting out. Check it out! https://www.reddit.com/r/SDCleveAkron/comments/2i427b/the_baby_steps_where_to_start_stopping/
For me personally, I am also a big fan of the book Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol, which made me see alcohol in a new, more realistic light.
Best of luck, and keep us posted!
There are other therapies that work much better SMART recovery, Rational Recovery and Allen Carr's Easyway, to name a few.
Two book recommendations to start: The Allen Carr book in the sidebar was really helpful for me early in sobriety. It's written badly and full of dumb jokes, but for some reason it really really clicked with me and helped me view alcohol in a new light.
Another book that has nothing to do with drinking but that everyone who wants to better themselves (and probably just everyone in general) should read is Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl.
If being bored sets you to drinking, you need to avoid being bored, especially at first. Exercise is very helpful. I started doing bodyweight fitness (/r/bodyweightfitness) when I quit and it's been great for me. I'm not super strong or anything, but I'm in waaay better shape than I was.
Explore old hobbies or find a new one! (I'm personally partial to playing music, but do whatever you dig.)
To me the best part of quitting drinking is the time you give yourself. All of a sudden you'll have way more time than you used to have and though it might seem overwhelming at first, you should view it as a gift. You only get one life - no point spending it in a haze!
Maybe try both and see what seems like a good fit to you.
Not to confuse the issue further, but I really like the Allen Carr book in the sidebar too =)
You sound like the kind of person that would greatly benefit from reading this book.
Easy Way to Control Alcohol - Allen Carr
You say you want to "fix this on my own", but reaching out to this community was a really great thing for you to do. You don't have to do it alone! In fact, it's the rare person who can find their way out of this hole completely alone. It's much more effective to find somebody else who has been in the same hole before, has found their way out, and is willing to extend a helping hand to show you the way. That's what this community is all about :-)
Not everybody hits a "bottom" that includes losing a job, marriage, or home. You don't have to hit that bottom either.
There are a few handy tools in the tool bar that you could try out now to get you started. You could try the alcohol assessment test and you could pick up Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. I've also seen people here recommend a "30 day challenge" - just go 30 days without drinking. If you can do it, how do you feel once the fog has cleared a bit? If you can't do it, this may give you more insight into the nature of your drinking.
Most importantly, come back and read this thread, and the rest of the sub, when you are sober. You'll make the most traction that way :-)
There are some very tough parts about quitting alcohol. Especially when comparing it to quitting porn. The biggest thing for me was quitting the drinking life style. There's not much that is outwardly attractive about the porn lifestyle. Yeah, let's stay in by ourselves and jerk our dicks! No one says that. This is not to minimize the disgusting pro-porn mentality that is prevalent in our culture. I understand it, though. The people who fight back against nofap and the idea of porn addiction usually are the ones suffering from it. I know I was. My last girlfriend got mad at me the first time she found my browser history. What did I do? Apologize for turning her down for sex the night before? Acknowledge that it might be a problem for me? Hell no! I said, why are you spying on me! Masturbation is a healthy habit for me! Porn is something all guys watch, why are you acting so CRAZY!?!
But back to the stay-out-and-party all night thing. I mean, I still go out and partake once a month or so. Just to see how the other half lives. I don't drink of course. Maybe have a couple red bulls and just hang out with friends. But damn it can be depressing. And I find myself gravitating further away from even wanting to step foot inside a bar even if it's just to shoot a game of pool or hang out with a friend. But some of my friends are drinkers so I follow them around sometimes. It's weird because I hear of all these people from 12 Steps say that if they step inside a bar it's over for them. Or if they have one sip, then their back on the bottle. I understand this mindset, but don't think it has to be the case. I think those people are still holding onto the idea that alcohol did something good for them. I highly doubt they truly believe that alcohol is a poison (which it literally is). This is not to say that I do not admit that I am human and capable of making mistakes. I have to reinforce my beliefs in my mind sometimes because society is so encouraging of the drinking lifestyle. It's a big business that makes lots of money. So I do accept that I could slip back into it, but I know deep down that alcohol is a poison and I have zero desire to return to it. Sorry I know that's way more info than you asked for. If you are interested in controlling your drinking or know someone who is, check out this book:
This sounds so cliché, but that book really changed my life.
Now having said all of that, let me actually answer your question. Alcohol was definitely easier for me to quit. I read that book and something clicked and I just got it. I was so excited to quit. It felt right. It felt easy. The hardest thing was learning to turn down a cold beer. It felt weird saying, "No thanks." Or "I'll just have a diet coke." But damn did it feel good. And it still does. It's amazing the difference you feel in all aspects of your life. My relationship with my parents improved. My sex life improved. My relationship with my partner improved.
The porn and masturbation addiction has been much harder for me. I have tried to quit countless times over the years and have been a serious addict for 13-14 years. I used porn and masturbation almost every single day. It was my fall back for everything. When I was nervous, sad, upset, angry, lonely, afraid, anxious, tired, hyper. Pretty much any emotion, I would use porn and masturbation to numb my feelings. I am currently seeing a therapist and dealing with past trauma in my personal life that I have repressed for years.
In recovery speak there is something called addiction hopping. It's when you jump or "hop" from one addiction to another. At the base of all addiction is usually a deep sense of shame that consumes a person. In retrospect, that's exactly what I was doing. I quit cigarettes, but I started drinking heavily. When I could find it, I would abuse oxycontin or adderall. My porn use went up significantly when I stopped drinking. I have always been trying to fight the shame that I have felt my entire life. I finally realized that if I don't address the root cause of these problems I will end up fighting a different form of addiction every few years for my entire life.
Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol. There is a link on the side bar.
Get this book!
It is available on audible too.
I credit Allen with my initial success during the most difficult days.
It's really worth getting.